Alphabet Soup - Melbourne Knights 2 South Melbourne 2

Didn't deserve to win, didn't deserve to lose. Out of that we somehow got a draw. There was controversy, lots of goals, bit of niggle, and yet it just didn't do something for me. Maybe I can sense the end of the season is coming for us, and I'm already subconsciously getting ready for it.

Anthony Giannopoulos
Still can't catch a break.

Baggio played for South!
But not the one you're thinking of.

Clarendon Corner
Going, going...

Derby
If a derby gets played in the woods (or the back blocks of Sunshine) and no one notices, did it actually happen?

English Premier League
Starts again this week, or so they tell me. Shoot me before my Facebook page gets cluttered with mostly Grecian Geezers (and I'm not referring to Exeter City fans).

Fernando De Moraes
Early in the second half he was provided with the best cross we've made since the 1999 NSL grand final, and we all thought it was in. It wasn't. Anyone else and we would have expected that.

Glen Trifiro
Does he even give a shit any more?

Heidelberg United
Sad that their troubles are the only thing we can smile about this season.

If We Are To Make The Finals...
My guess is that we'll have to get ten points from the remaining twelve. I think we'll fail at the first hurdle this week at home against Dandenong, but I would love to be proven wrong. PROVE ME WRONG BOYS! PROVE ME WRONG!

Joe Montemurro
Anyone notice anything different while he was coaching the last two weeks?

Kevin 'Power Trip' Docherty
Good on him for giving that red card to the Knights player, even if the players involved thought nothing much of the incident. Stupid and pointless act by the player in question.

Low Flying Aircraft
The view from Knights Stadium is good, but not quite up to the helicopters landing at Moorabbin Airport during a game at Kingston Heath.

Marinos Gasparis - Man For A Crisis
Apparently going off to Greece (mate's wedding) and will miss the next three games or so. Great stuff.

Nick Jacobs
Broke his leg while playing school football. Get well soon, champ.

Olympic Games
Thank Lucifer that crap is over. Now we can focus on sports we actually like again.

Pigeonhole Key

That's me next to David Hicks. We had some good times.

I think the reason that Victoria University and their crack security squad is stalling on this, is because I actually am a security threat. Hopefully my apology for chucking The New Citizen and other Larouchian propaganda into everyone's pigeonhole will be seen as sincere.

Quote of the Month
From our old acquaintance Mercs, who doesn't come around anymore, but whose blog we read for reminders that there are sporting clubs almost as fucked as ours, and for work like this.


You'd never turn back a win (well, you might if it was 2009 and SNIP - legal department) but a victory of this variety was a bit like on-screen nudity before the internet came along. Back in say 1992 you didn't know when you were going to see norgs again so anything looked good.

Ražniči
Not the best thing I've ever eaten at the soccer, but not the worst either, and great value at $6 with cabbage and onion! And service that was atypically cheerful for Knights Stadium.

Social Club
They tell me that they've finally and actually moved the stuff that me, Steve from Broady, Mr Valkanis, Polish Nick, Ryan the Intern (and possibly assorted others) put into boxes out of there, and into storage. Maybe we will get the

Twitter
I am now officially a Twit. Check me out at @PaulMavroudis, though I probably won't have much, if anything to say. How does this crap even work?

Unidentified Vehicle
Starting beeping me on Ballarat Road, no idea who they were, what they wanted, whether they were sticking their finger up at me, whether my white South hoodie was actually a Collingwood one. I just tried to concentrate on getting to the ground in one piece by focusing on the road.

Victoria University Students
Plenty of time to sink piss. Not enough time to read a couple of articles.

Worlds of Football Conference 2012
I've submitted my abstract - will they allow me to present a paper? Or will I have to go back to reporting only on everyone else's papers? Interesting factoid about that piece - despite being just about the most high brow piece on here, it still ranks as one of the most visited pages on this site. Not too bad considering it isn't a Hellenic Cup or Jim Marinis piece.

Xenophon
The most delightful of all music, that of your own praises.

Young Wife
Because the Government does not favour the entry of foreign women, New Australians are often men without wives; hence unfulfilled desire reinforces love of country. There is no night life worth mentioning, no corso, no processions. In other words there is nothing, though it’s a comfortable nothing. Bored and frustrated, the New Australian is permitted to express himself once every seven days for twice forty minutes (sic) at the soccer match (Martin 1966: 152)

Zenith
People still think we're not a VPL club. How cute.

Kiss of Death, Round 18, 2012

Friday 8:30 PM Hume City (6th) vs Oakleigh Cannons (2nd)
Hume lost 2-1 at South Melbourne, while Oakleigh beat Southern Stars 5-0 at home. I was at the Oakleigh match and wasn’t too impressed by Oakleigh to be honest. While Southern Stars did all the attacking, it was Oakleigh who was scoring the goals. End of the day, they got the three points. Hume on the other hand was hit with two goals in the first four minutes of the 2nd half against South Melbourne. They had no answers after that, other than one goal which wasn’t enough. Hume City 1 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.

Saturday 3:00 PM Green Gully Cavaliers (3rd) vx Southern Stars (10th)
Green Gully were trailing 0-2 at home to Richmond before drawing 3-3, while Southern Stars were on the receiving end of five Oakleigh goals last week. Southern Stars impress me somewhat with their fast attacking play, but disappoint themselves with their defence. Green Gully should pick up all three points this week, and I can’t see them losing to Stars. Green Gully 4 – Southern Stars 2.

Saturday 3:00 PM Northcote City (4th) vs Bentleigh Greens (5th)
The most important game for South Melbourne. This match will either make it more difficult or easier for South to enter the Top 5. Northcote beat Moreland 3-1 while Bentleigh copped a 91st minute equaliser against Dandenong last week. I’d say that Bentleigh are the form team going into this fixture, but at Northcote they might struggle. Northcote City 2 – Bentleigh Greens 2.

Saturday 7:00 PM Dandenong Thunder (1st) vs Heidelberg (12th)
The Bergers are gawn! They beat the Knights last week (again) and Dandenong had a bit of a struggle against a ten man Bentleigh. No bookmaker is giving the Bergers a chance on this one, and neither am I. You would have to be stupid to tip the Bergers this week. Dandenong Thunder 4 – Heidelberg 0.

Sunday 3:00 PM Moreland Zebras (11th) vs Richmond (8th)
Moreland had a 3-1 loss at Northcote while Richmond got a 3-3 at Gully after leading 0-2. As much as I have a gut feeling that Richmond will beat Moreland, I still think this game will be a draw. An exciting one too. Moreland Zebras 5 – Richmond 5.

Sunday 3:00 PM Melbourne Knights (9th) vs South Melbourne (7th)
The Knights lost once again to the Bergers 2-1, while South got its second win in a row against Hume City 2-1 at Lakeside. The first half wasn’t really exciting, but the second started off like a house on fire. In the 46th minute Steve Burton side footed an Andy Vlahos cross into the back of the net, and the second was probably one of the best we have seen at Lakeside in a while. Fernando hit a ball to Andy Vlahos who was just passing the half way line, Vlahos had Burton out wide on the right but decided to go alone. He beat the first, then the second defender in the area, while hitting a curling shot past the Hume keeper which bent in at the back post and sent the South faithful into an orgasmic frenzy only ever seen on Bukkake Sluts 4. Gavalas was beaten late in the game by a shot which one can be describes as a regulation save. Yeah OK, OK ,you say you had too many legs in front of you, but fuck me man, at least make an effort, it wasn’t exactly a blistering shot. What followed was some nervy moments for South, but the referee's whistle finally blew. A deserved win for South with a still under strength side. Tom Matthews has two more weeks while Rixon has 4. Other than that, a good day all round for everyone concerned. The trip down to Somers Street is always pretty good. They have the best cevaps in the league, and probably the best beer. This is a change for South fans, as we are visiting a team who actually has more than 20 fans not related to the players. The Knights are on a three game losing streak, with last weeks result against the Bergers sure to fire them and their fans up. But, this is a must win game for South and they way we are playing, I don’t see why we cannot beat the Knights. Melbourne Knights 0 - South Melbourne 3.

Angles - South Melbourne 2 Hume City 1

No bells and whistles in this piece. The experience just didn't live up to anything other than mediocrity except for a three minute period at the beginning of the second half.

I hadn't seen that kind of weather at a South home game for few years - perhaps as far back as the 3-1 win against Heidelberg back in 2006. Rain swept across the arena, sneaking into the stands, courtesy of a breeze that blew strongly towards the lake end. The 'toblerone' ad cushions were being blown all over the place, with the volunteer marshals trying ever more elaborate ways of holding them in place. Metal poles, sandbags, bunching them together, all of them futile. Eventually most of them were stacked against the fence which seemed to do the trick.

The first half was not dour per se, but it lacked a certain amount of oomph. Neither side was able to get much of note going, though they generally tried to play an on the ground, moving around style of game. There were a couple of headers that we should have done better with, but that was pretty much it.

In fact the most exciting thing to happen during the first half was when the ref stopped the game temporarily to remove a pair of scissors found on the pitch. How they got there is anyone's guess. Good thing no one was hurt.

The second half started first with a whimper, followed by a bang. After a botched kick off, South ended up scoring more or less directly from the kick off. Rhodri Payne managed to work his way to the byline, where his cross was brilliantly flicked into the net from a tight angle by Steve Burton. Maybe it was just me, but I reckon that on the second kickoff after the botched first one, Payne was already a good 10-15 metres inside the opposition half before the ball had even been kicked. Maybe I just saw it wrong though.

Andy Vlahos made it 2-0 soon after, with a goal that was all class, though also borne of necessity. Having found himself at the edge of the penalty area, and with negligible support, Vlahos cut in hit the ball into the opposite corner. Hume's keeper Oldfield, who had a good game, was no chance of saving it. It had been an exciting three minutes or so, but the question then became what would we do for the rest of the game.

As it turned out, we'd fluff several counter attacking opportunities (Joe Keenan's first one was probably the worst - why not just take a shot?), and let Hume back in the game with a goal that has divided those who saw it as to its merit. Hume's in form striker Hegarty collected the ball out wide on the right, still some distance out. None of the three or four South players chose to commit to him, deciding to hold off. Having eventually reached a more central position, Hegarty than unleashed what to some looked like a powerful shot, while to others, like myself, it seemed like a comparatively weak effort from distance.

Gavalas in the South goal stood rooted to his position in the middle of the goal, as the ball rolled into the near corner. Could he have saved it? Did he see it too late, what with all those bodies in the way? Did his lack of a dive or any sort of attempt to move across to the shot add culpability?

The goal obviously encouraged Hume and they came close on a few occasions to leveling the score, particularly in their use of aerial bombardment. The closest they came was when a a header near enough to the six yard box was saved brilliantly by Gavalas, acting on pure instinct to recover at least some of his reputation among those who blamed him for Hume's goal (and indeed, for his uninspiring goalkeeping stint so far in 2012).

We managed to eventually waste enough time, getting a valuable three points. Not every week can be 5-0 wins or awesome comebacks in injury time. Still, it doesn't mean I have to like the result any more the absolute bare minimum. Now we're three points from fifth, with Melbourne Knights away first up. Their season, in terms of finals aspirations, is pretty much done I reckon, and they aren't having the best of times at the moment, but they'll probably come out firing. There's no point in looking any further ahead than this week.

Gimme Shelter - Kiss of Death, Round 17, 2012

Friday 8:15 PM Bentleigh Greens (4th) vs Dandenong Thunder (1st)
Bentleigh put four past the Knights, while Dandenong had a 3-1 win against Northcote. Should be an interesting match. Bentleigh have the second best attack, while Dandy have the best defence. I don’t think Bentleigh will be good enough to beat Dandy however. Bentleigh Greens 1 – Dandy Thunder 3.

Friday 8:30 PM Oakleigh Cannons (2nd) vs Southern Stars (10th)
Oakleigh had a tin ass 2-3 win at Richmond while Southern Stars copped two goals in injury time to lose 2-3 against South Melbourne. I saw Oakleigh at Richmond last week. Not much chop. Southern Stars play anti-football and Oakleigh will be too good for them. Oakleigh Cannons 2 – Southern Stars 1.

Saturday 3:00 PM Green Gully Cavaliers (3rd) vs Richmond (7th)
Gully had an easy 1-2 away win at Moreland, and Richmond somehow lost to Oakleigh 2-3. Gully will win this one as Dobbo usually starts preparing his team for finals football around about now. Green Gully 2 – Richmond 0.

Saturday 3:00 PM Northcote City (5th) vs Moreland (11th)
Northcote lost 3-1 at Dandy and Moreland lost 2-1 at home to Gully. Both these teams are in negative goal difference, so they’re both pretty much a mixed bag with Moreland being pretty shit. Northcote should do the job on them, but I need a draw. Northcote City 2 – Moreland Zebras 2.

Saturday 3:00 PM Heidelberg United (12th) vs Melbourne Knights (9th)
Heidelberg lost 3-1 away at Hume, and the Knights got drilled a new one 0-4 against Bentleigh. Heidelberg has won one game all season in the VPL and that was against the Knights (not forgetting they also eliminated the Knights from the cup - Ed). The loss to Bentleigh came out of left field for the Knights, and some feathers might’ve been ruffled midweek at training. Who knows. Heidelberg will double their wins tally this season with a win over the Knights. Heidelberg 2 – Melbourne Knights 1.

Nicky Jacobs fronts up for the post-match interview

Sunday 5:00 PM South Melbourne (8th) vs Hume City (6th)
I’m still on a high from last week's come from behind 2-3 win by South against the Southern Stars. To be trailing 2-1 in the 91st and to have Steve Burton equalise was enough for me. Then in the 94th to have young Nicky Jacobs header in the winner was heart attack territory. Scenes of pandemonium, broken umbrellas, people hugging each other, slipping on the grassy knolls, jumpers and jackets being thrown to the ground in sheer elation, were scenes that haven’t been witnessed at a Hellas match since the time we beat Sydney Croatia at Middle Park after trailing 0-1 for the whole match. That day it was Angie Goutzioulis with a header that gave us the 2-1 win in the 91st. Total chaos. The team played well I thought, considering the absentees, Gus made the right subs at the right time, and it paid off. Southern Stars were pretty bad, but they hit the lead twice with basically two counter attacks. Gasparis had probably his game of the season, and Fernando looks like he’s back to his normal self again. Burton for me was best on ground. But, I still don’t understand why we persist in playing him with his back to goal. He’s a player that should be played through onto goal. Hence how he got the equaliser in the 91st. Nicky Jacobs did well when he came on. A few nervy touches to start off with, then out of nowhere he pops up with the winner in the 94th. All good for the young boy, but I think everyone should just calm down a notch. The step up from the youth to the senior team is bigger than people think. I’m not saying the youngsters didn’t do well when they came on, but all I'm saying is that they can’t be thrown straight into the deep end because they play well in the under 21’s. Would I start with the same eleven against Hume. Most likely not. If I have players to replace Norton and Petreski with, then I will replace them. I’m sick of hammering Norton. Petreski is good, but not at left back. With Dimi Tsiaris due back and I think Matthews (?) this week, then I’d slot them straight in. Would I have Jacobs on the bench for another stint? Definitely. If he can be rewarded with another 15-20 min experience in a senior match, it will do more good than harm, and Gus must be encouraged to start doing this if the senior players don’t look interested at training. Why wouldn’t you reward players who trained well and who will give you what they have? A youth player who was suspended last week is young Anthony Giannopoulos, better known as ‘Gia', who in my eyes should be on the senior bench week in/week out. He is the captain of the youth team, and probably their top scorer, and has scored most likely the goal of the season against Oakleigh a few weeks ago. He has been at South all his playing life, has passion, is a member of the club, and boy can he play. Any spots on the bench should be filled by him as a minimum. Hopefully he is given this opportunity soon, and he scores for the club he has grown to love. The celebrations should be AWOL. There is a new aura around South after the 2-3 against the Stars, and I see us making a late charge for the finals. Hold onto your hats people. South Melbourne 3 – Hume City 0.

Admin and general whinging.

• SMFC should’ve ordered replacement umbrellas by this weeks match. I counted 4 absolutely gone after Jacobs winner.
• Richmond Eagles. How about you guys seriously get some cover. Against Oakleigh I got absolutely soaked. FFV needs to investigate this. Plenty of rule breaches.

2012 Rules of Competition. Pg.49.

Section 3 – Spectator Amenities

Undercover seating

3.6 Undercover spectator seating for 500 people must be provided.

Public Address system

3.7 A fully functional Public Address (PA) system must be provided. The PA must be clearly audible to all parts of the venue, including social areas and operated on match day to make announcements to introduce players, announce scorers and provide emergency instructions to patrons.

Public toilets

3.1.1 Two toilet blocks must be provided for both male and female patrons (each section having a minimum of two cubicles) situated not more than 50 metres from the playing field.

Also, your facility is unsafe as fuck when it comes to buying a ticket.

Over and out.

Rixon suspension downgraded; Tsolakis suspended for two

News from the tribunal hearing is that Trent Rixon had his 12 match suspension reduced to six weeks - making him eligible to return for the round 22 match against Heidelberg. Coach 'Gus' Tsolakis (as he was listed on the tribunal hearing notice; nice one FFV) got two weeks and a fine of $1000.

I suppose we should be happy that we didn't come out of it worse than we came into it. First time for everything.

Injury Time Pandemonium - Southern Stars 2 South Melbourne 3

At halftime, I'm not embarrassed to say that I'd written the team off. They had played terribly, gave up a softish goal, and didn't look remotely like being in the game. Well, in this game at least, they proved me wrong, with three second half goals - including two in injury time, to Steve Burton and Nicky Jacobs - pulling us out of the mess we'd made for ourselves.

The result shouldn't paper over the method however, which left a lot to desire. We fell behind twice, and seemed to be making much the same mistakes we have all season. Undermanned though we were, it's always disappointing to change the personnel and still make the same errors.

Still, when the winning goal went in, it created 'AWOL' celebrations among the faithful (and the dutiful; one bloke had ducked out of his nephew's birthday for this), with one person slipping over on the wet grass, and the usual random array of hugging, jumping, yelling, fence thumping etc.

And the winner for best dressed squad goes to...
Southern Stars, who look very sharp in their gray suits, with white shirt and red patterned tie combination. Too bad we haven't got a photo to go with this award.

Fernando De Moraes
He may be getting to the end of his outdoor career, and I haven't been alone in writing him off, but last night he stepped up with his leadership, chasing and tackling, doing all those things that he's never been associated with. Showed a lot of character, and a lot of leadership.

Getting the Ball Back to the Middle After a Goal
Fascinating, maybe just to me, to see none of our players go anywhere near the ball after we'd scored the 2-2 goal.

I Still Don't Know...
Quite how any of our goals were actually scored. In that, yes, I did see the majority if not all of of the sequence, including the balls crossing the line, but that they didn't quite make sense wgen looked at rationally. The first took a deflection and seemingly rolled in; the second was hit well and hard, but hit the post going across the face of goal getting me all confused before eventually crossing the line - I had started celebrating before it had even gone in I think, and then managed to contain myself, then celebrate again all within a very short space of time - our last trip to Kingston Heath, where everyone had thought we had scored the goal of the season before the ball was cleared off the line from point blank range makes such situations very difficult. The last goal was created from sheer will and created utter pandemonium. I'm still buzzing.

Jason Trifiro
Has gone to Western Sydney Wanderers (horrible, Anglocentric, Anglophile name, but I suppose there's a tasty irony in it being the name of the team for all the disenfranchised wogs) so get your 'now who will his brother pass to?' jokes out of your system as soon as possible (I much preferred the line about how it was the Wanderers fans' to say 'he would have scored that at Northcote). For help on speculating on how much he was transferred for, see this link, especially if you're Steve from Broady.

Marinos Gasparis
At halftime, my comment on his entire career was the rather unsubtle, 'stick a fork in him, he's done'. But his second half was decent enough that I was compelled to reconsider that position, albeit on one proviso - that he should never, ever be allowed to pass the ball backwards again. Hell, there should probably be a moratorium on him even passing it sideways. If he sticks to forward passes, no matter how outlandish, he just may have some sort of future at South.

Next Week
Hume City at home, hopefully at least a couple of players back. Of course it's all one week at a time and all that, but they're three points ahead of us in sixth place - a win here could be useful. But before that, tribunal showdown to see if we can get Trent Rixon's suspension reduced, as well as Gus Tsolakis fronting the tribunal to see what punishment, if any, he'll get for his dismissal into the stands against Richmond.

Fresh from scoring the winning goal, Nicky Jacobs waits for his
turn to be interviewed by the SMFCTV. Photo: Gains.

Nicky Jacobs
Just remember, I saw him first. There's no need to go completely over the top with the plaudits and calls for him to be put into the starting eleven, especially when he's still only 17 years old and reportedly focusing on his schooling this year. And it was a bit of a right place. right time scenario (admittedly a skill in itself). Still, it did reiterate that there are worthwhile players to be found in our youth ranks, and while you don't have to give them a starting gig, the occasional decent spell off the bench does not always go astray. Good to also see Trent Rixon giving Nicky instruction from over the fence.

Play the Whistle
I don't know whether Stars' first goal was offside. Certainly our defenders seemed to think so - but that was no reason to stop and call for it, allowing the opposition to waltz through on goal unattended. That kind of stuff pisses me off when I see it at state league two ressies level, not need for that crap in the VPL.

Under 21s
Also 3-2 winners. Had been leading 2-0, until two quick fire goals in as many minutes saw Stars level in the second half, only for a late goal from South.

Zenith

Kiss of Death, Round 16, 2012

Friday 8:30 PM Hume City (7th) vs Heidelberg (12th)
Last weekend Hume drew 1-1 away at Bentleigh while the Bergers had a 2-2 home draw against Southern Stars. Heidelberg has still only won one game all season, and I cant see them winning this one. Even with seven games to go and 21 points up for grabs, they are destined for State 1 in season 2013. Hume on the other hand is pushing for a top five spot and a win will get them back into the mix. Everyone should get around it and fingers crossed a draw will be the result. Hume City 2 – Heidelberg United 2.

Friday 8:30 PM Richmond (6th) vs Oakleigh Cannons (2nd)
Probably two of the poorest sides in the VPL. Richmond had a 1-3 win at South Melbourne while Oakleigh scrambled a 1-1 draw with Green Gully. Both these sides play poor unimaginative football but that is irrelevant. They are getting results and that is what counts. To an outsider watching this match they would think both these teams are low down the table. On the contrary, they are both top five contenders. Don’t ask me how because I don’t know the answer. Richmond 1 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.

Saturday 7:00 PM Dandenong Thunder (1st) vs Northcote City (4th)
Dandy had a text book 4-1 win over Moreland, while Northcote had an exciting 3-2 win over the Knights. This will be the tightest match of the round to call. Even I’m in a bit of a spell as to what the result will be. But as confused as I am about this one, I can see Dandy getting the win. They have been the team of the season, and deserve their first position on the ladder. Dandy Thunder 3 – Northcote City 1.

Sunday 3:00 PM Moreland Zebras (11th) vs Green Gully (3rd)
Moreland had a 4-1 loss at Dandy and Gully had a 1-1 draw at Oakleigh. Gully should win this one. Moreland Zebras 1 – Green Gully 3.

Sunday 3:00 PM Melbourne Knights (8th) vs Bentleigh Greens (5th)
Well ain't this a pickle of a result to pick? The Knights were unlucky in their 3-2 loss at Northcote, and Bentleigh had a 1-1 draw at home to Hume. As much as I see South's finals chances slipping away, I still must believe in a miracle of epic proportions. That is why I am tipping a draw at Somers Street. Hopefully the draw goes South's way. Melbourne Knights 2 – Bentleigh Greens 2.

Saturday 7:00 PM Southern Stars (9th) vs South Melbourne (10th)
Southern Stars drew 2-2 at Heidelberg and South Melbourne had its seventh loss of the season at home to Richmond 1-3. What a shambles at the moment down at Lakeside. We couldn’t score in a brothel. Just looking at some season stats and check this out. The senior side has had ten goal scorers this season. Out of those ten Hatzimouratis is gone for the season with an injury, O’Dor will probably miss for a couple of weeks, Keenan is carrying a niggle, and Jason Trifiro is our top scorer, a midfielder. Trent Rixon has only scored one (Rixon has actually scored three goals;  Ed.), and after his red card against Richmond will probably miss for the next 12 weeks!!! PLUS a tribunal hearing. Oh yeah, and how could I forget, Kyle Joryeff who has two, is now at Richmond. We signed all these attacking players this year, and somehow forgot to sign some defenders. Let’s have a look at the current defensive situation. Tom Matthews has two more weeks on the sidelines, Steve O’Dor limped off injured after ten minutes last week, Kelly was sent off for a second yellow, Tsiaras will be missing this week due to five yellow cards, which leaves Byles and Payne as the only recognised senior defenders. Brad Norton is not a defender, hell he ain't even a player in my books. How can someone go from VPL to A-League, and come back as a worse player? In the midfield, Gus’s biggest mistake was changing the lineup that lost to Gully. That lineup would’ve beaten Richmond. It’s not as if Gully outplayed us. Fernando is beyond outdoor football. He is now slower than slow, and isn’t the Fernando of old. Gasparis is not the Gaspa we are used to, has been very poor this season and seems to be getting worse. Keenan started, but what can he do with one leg? Burton was good, but needed Rixon to support him. Vlahos was BOG by a long way. I just don’t understand what the fuck is going on. We better fucken win. Southern Stars 0 – South Melbourne 1.

Admin Stuff and General Ranting

• I suggest you keep your wives at home. When a fan launches a tirade towards the players, there is no need for the WAGs to abuse back. If you don’t like it, grab your handbag and high heel your arse out of there. A lot of the WAGs have just strolled into the ground like they have a right to abuse South fans. Listen ladies, when your hubbies/boyfriends/booty call, play for South, they are not playing for a pissy little club with ten fans. They are playing for a club which has expectations and a heavy shirt. If your roosters can’t hack it, then go. The lot of you can go. The exit points are to the right of the grandstand. Oh der, it’s the same gate you entered from, had a blonde moment. 
• South is now at crisis point. I can’t remember us being in this position in the last 30 years. We can keep blaming the refs, but you can’t blame the refs if we are missing sitters or hitting the woodwork and the other team goes up once and scores the winner out of nothing.
• Speaking of refs, what a joke of an official representing the FFV/FFA against Richmond. He is not a referee's asshole. The Federation should be ashamed that they stand behind these officials. Officiating at all levels of the game has gone from bad to worse in the last three years. I hear there were FFA referee inspectors at the ground to see this arseclown and promote him to the A-League. Mate, you guys can take him. Your league is already shit and he would add to what is already a list of shit officiators.

Over and out muppets.

Rixon suspended for 12 matches

So, the FFV has handed down severe punishment on Trent Rixon, for his attack on Richmond's Milardovic, who came out of their heated encounter (after Rixon's goal to make it 2-1) with a broken cheekbone. Can't say I'm surprised with the FFV's response.

One of the risks with getting Rixon was that he's no stranger to the serious red card. What effect, if any, this will have on his future at South remains to be seen - if he stays, he'll miss the first five games of next season, maybe less if we somehow score an unlikely finals place.

It'll be an even more unlikely feat to make the finals not just because of our poor form and/or erratic form, but because we're low on strikers - having already let go of Gianni De Nittis, and losing Dimi Hatzimouratis to injury for the rest of the season. Andy Vlahos may have to pinch hit further up the field. Or maybe bring in Nicky Jacobs in from the cold?

It appears as if the club intends to appeal the decision. I'd be interested in seeing their angle, and what good the video will do. The only possible positive thing to come out of this, is that Trent may get the opportunity to rest his body and hopefully get on track to overcome his chronic groin/osteitis pubis condition before next season.

On towards 2013 - South Melbourne 1 Richmond 3

A note on match reports following Sunday matches
These will probably not come out until Monday evening for the rest of the season. This is because I'm usually having dinner out with folks, and don't get back early enough to put in a completely half arsed effort, and also because I will commence teaching a Monday tutorial class which I need to prepare for.

And yes I realise that this match report is also heinously late for reasons completely irrelevant. But it had nothing to do with watching SBSPopAsia while eating my corn flakes.

Anyway, refereeing issues aside - and we'll get to those later - it was a disappointing, almost limp effort for about 75 minutes. Neither side shone, but some of the errors we were making, especially defensively went beyond the pale. Marinos Gasparis in particular had a nightmarish performance, so bad you have to wonder if he'll ever get back to the kind of player we all know he can be, or whether he hit his peak years ago and is no longer worth persisting with.

Steve O'Dor, despite what I consider as the valid criticisms I made of him last week, will be missed if the injury he sustained in the first half keeps him out for a few weeks. Turns out Rhodri Payne is still around, but with Shaun 'slide tackle' Kelly getting himself sent off in his debut game (though some swear the penalty was an incorrect decision) it looks like we'll be thin on the ground defensively for a few weeks, what with Tom Matthews still to serve three more games suspended. Time to drop Brad Norton and get Matko Budimir and Anthony Giannopoulos into the senior squad?

Up forward, Steve Burton looked a little lost without Rixon next to him. Is it a case of not playing to his strengths? Why do we focus so much on trying to attack with our backs to goal? Rixon looked good when he came on - and he scored for the first time since the last time we played Richmond - but then got sent off before the restart, after an altercation with Richmond's Milardovic. The basic facts seem to be this - they fought over the ball in the goal net, as Rixon sought to get the game restarted as quickly as possible. After Milardovic tried to tackle Rixon, Rixon retaliated (how I'm not sure), and Milardovic ended up in the ground for five minutes, apparently with a fractured cheekbone.

Who knows what the video will show, and whether it will exonerate Rixon, Kelly (there are also inferences that there was a Richmond handball prior to his foul), and perhaps even shed light as to whether an earlier South chance crossed the line (I didn't think it did, but others insist that Gal scooped the ball out from behind his goal line). It'll also be interesting to see if Richmond's final goal was offside.

The officiating was so poor in the last 15 minutes, that South fans went from booing their own teams to clapping them off the field, turning their hostility towards the officials. No serious person would go even close to claiming the the officials were tge main reason we lost - only that their performance at the end was so farcical, and that the referee in question has a habit of making the game all about himself.

Andy Vlahos
Incredibly sad, in a way, that Andy was our best performer for most of the match. I made the (obvious) comment at the game, an idea which has now spread to the rest of the interwebz, that you could tell he had played at a  much higher level than most of those on the park (for both sides) could ever aspire to.
Fernando De Moraes
On the flip side of that, was the disappointing performance of Fernando. After being used as a substitute for most of the season, the absence of the Trifiro brothers from the starting eleven (for missing training because of trialling with the Western Sydney Wanderers, perhaps?), gave Nando a chance to shine, and yet he came up short. Is the great man's outdoor career at it's natural end? Are his futsal commitments, now that they've gone professional and with Nando himself looking at the futsal world cup, taking their toll?

Financial Problems?
Someone hit this blog after doing a google search for 'South Melbourne Hellas financial problems' and 'South Melbourne Soccer Club financial position'. Someone know something we don't? Some opposition supporter of a club hard on their luck? perhaps looking for proof of us emulating their downward spiral? Someone doing their research going into business with us? No idea to be honest, but it's not a pleasant sight seeing that stuff come up.

Liquor License
No booze available at the ground, thanks to the State Sports Centres Trust letting their temporary liquor license expire without getting a permanent replacement. I don't drink booze at sports events, so I'm not really that fussed. But some people were annoyed enough about it that they started singing about it.

Next Week
Southern Stars away at Kingston Heath next Saturday. By Belenos, I hate that place. Undermanned, under siege, understand if we manage to lose again.

Sack Gus
This is what I love about this place. Everyone wanted stability. Everyone was sick of coaches and players being turned over after just a season. Gus was signed to a two year contract, which was commended by fans prior to the season because it meant that we had committed, in principle at least, to restoring some sort of stability to the club's on field.

But then we lost a whole bunch of games and now it's 'sack Gus' time. Stability? Meh. I'm just as guilty of being fickle as the rest of the supporter base. But when I really knuckle down and think about it, the conclusion that I keep coming back to is this - that we're by and large a good team that's playing badly.

Sack The Board
I'm not sure the board can go out there and play for the team. They splashed out the cash, got the players the coaches wanted, and yet here we are. There's a ton of other things you could have a go at them for, but the team's performance is really one of them.

Social Club
Speaking of which, a few months ago, I was sort of put in charge of inventorying the social club's artifacts, on the premise that very soon the remodeling crew was going to go in and start work. Months later, the Valkanis' are still cooking in there and we're using it as storage for the toblerone sponsor cushions. Now I'm all for taking our time to do things right, but this is getting concerning. You'd hope there's a solid idea at the base of this approach. Would be very disappointing and damaging if we weren't close to re-opening the social club space to the supporter base by the start of next season.

Survival
Finals, we pretty much all agree now, are out the window. It's all about survival, the one thing - aside perhaps from blooding some youth team players - that we can salvage from this wreck of a season. We're seven points ahead of Moreland Zebras, with seven games to go. One more slip up from us, combined with a win by the Zebras, and the battle to avoid relegation could be on.

Zenith
Thai Deli on Clarendon Street (a couple of doors up from the dreadful Pizza Hut). Great Thai food, lovely service, good serving size, and cheap! Get around it, as they say.

Desperate Times - Kiss of Death, Round 15, 2012

The end is near. Not many games to go and the top five is still in South's reach, at least mathematically. By South's expected standards it has been a poor run so far. Once again, it’s time to pull the finger out and start getting the results. No excuses, no surrender!

Friday 8:15PM Bentleigh Greens vs Hume City
Both teams are coming off convincing 3-0 wins from the weekend. Both teams need to draw against each other in order for South to keep their top five chances open. Should be an exciting game for those of you who are venturing out to Kingston Heath this weekend. Eat before you go though, as the food out there is questionable. Bentleigh Greens 2 – Hume City 2.

Friday 8:30 PM Oakleigh Cannons vs Green Gully
Oakleigh beat lowly Moreland 0-1, while Gully somehow beat South Melbourne 0-2 at Lakeside. Typical Gully and typical Dobbo. Grinding out the win from nowhere. Oakleigh should be able to grind out a win at home, but irrelevant of what South needs, this game should end up as a draw. Oakleigh Cannons 1 – Green Gully 1.

Friday 8:30 PM South Melbourne vs Richmond

Pfft. South Melbourne somehow lost 0-2 to Gully while Richmond beat the Bergers 3-2. South is in trouble. Seven points from relegation, and four points from the finals, with eight matches to go. What are we going to do? Worst case scenario is Moreland start winning and we don’t. Best case scenario is we win our next seven games and barnstorm into the finals. This can only happen if we start putting away our chances, and stop fluffing them. No team has come to Lakeside this season and outplayed us to get a result. All goals have been conceded from mistakes. Rarely this season have we played away and been outplayed. Changes have to be in the mix for this match, especially in our defence. As much as I love O’Dor, this season he has been too slow to push out his backline. The gap between defence and midfield continues to grow. This needs to be rectified. We cannot allow teams time on the ball towards goal when the midfield has pushed too far forward. With Tom Matthews suspended for four weeks this will only get worse. How depressed am I as I write this. Not many positives to think of.  South Melbourne 4 – Richmond 0. Fingers Crossed.

Saturday 3:00 PM Northcote City vs Melbourne Knights
Northcote copped three at Hume last week, while the Knights upset the bookies with a 1-0 win over high flying Dandenong. Good result for them. A draw is on the cards for this one. Saturday kick off sucks. Northcote City 2 – Melbourne Knights 2.

Saturday 7:00 PM Dandenong Thunder vs Moreland Zebras
Both teams coming off 1-0 losses. A dead rubber. Dandenong Thunder 3 – Moreland Zebras 0.

Sunday 3:00 PM Heidelberg United vs Southern Stars
Was at Richmond last week watching the Bergers slowly add nails to their coffin. They were unlucky not to at least get a draw in their 3-2 loss. Southern Stars were hammered 0-3 by Bentleigh. Bit of argy bargy between the Bergers keeper and Aleksovski after the game with the keeper in full rights. Aleksovski had two corners in the last minute of the game and both couldn’t clear the front post. Probably what cost them the draw in the end. Heidelberg to win their second VPL match for season 2012. Heidelberg United 3 – Southern Stars 0.

Of rucks, mauls and scrums - South Melbourne 0 Green Gully 2

The first 20 or so minutes of the game, we carried on from where we left off last week. Free flowing football, our opponents on the backfoot looking clueless. We hit the crossbar twice within five seconds, then not long after basically gave Gully the opening goal, and that was that. Gully deployed their rugby union tactics - lots of fouls and stop start play, and the old 'if in doubt, kick it out' - and our team lost all confidence and idea of how to go about their business.


For all the attacking issues we've had over the course of the season, we've scarcely been able to keep a clean sheet at the other end. On our bad days, the midfield seems to leave a huge gap between themselves and the defence after a turnover; and when we eventually regain the ball, they are either too near the defense or too far away from it.

One also gets the feeling that we always have at least one weak link in our defensive line up that the opposition will exploit mercilessly. A few years ago it Arthur Tsonis post knee operation; then Ramazan Tavsancioglu and his inability to properly position himself; then Rhodri Payne, who'd cough up in midfield and leave a massive gap behind him; and now it's Steven O'Dor, who opposition teams don't bother about closing down because they believe that he won't do anything of note with the ball coming out, and who'll they target with a speedy player because he doesn't keep the offside line as tight as he should.

Gully is an ugly team to watch, but they keep getting results. I'm not sure I could stomach their kind of play on a weekly basis, but that's their culture and it works for them. Good or bad day, there is no mystery to how they play, but why our club seems to have an issue in dealing with this I don't know. At halftime I was sent a text message asking for the score - 1-0 to Gully - and then a follow up question 'deserved' - all I could reply with was, not really.

By the end of the match, the summation was more definite - 2-0 ft, dreadful. By that stage we'd gifted them another goal, had Tom Matthews sent off for abusing a linesman, Joe Montemurro walking off the bench either sent off or in disgust, and spent 45 minutes going round in circles, or worse, going no where at all, playing the ball out slowly as if we were 2-0 up instead of 2-0 down.

Compounding the disaster of the day, was that just about every other result went against us well. Oakleigh, Hume, Knights Richmond and Bentleigh all won, which combined with our Gully loss means that the gap to the top five that'd we worked hard to close opened up again.


Next up is Richmond, who whatever limitations they may have on the field, will at least come out fired up. I saw them play Heidelberg on Friday night, and while the game was far from impressive, Richmond was at least able to grind out a 3-2 win. And you can be sure that Kyle Joryeff, who crossed over to Richmond during the transfer window and scored the opening goal last week, will be especially fired up to prove a point.

I'm not saying that all is lost - there's eight games to go, a lot of points to get, and a lot of strange things yet to happen - but with performances like that second half especially, we should be thankful that the bottom two relegation spots are basically done and dusted.

I'm also hoping that there's a player in this squad who will come out and have a blinder of a run home. Rather atypically, I was thinking earlier about who I would give my best and fairest award to, and I could not think of one player that has stood out even half consistently over the course of the season. That's not a good place to be in.

Kiss of Death, Round 14, 2012

Friday 8:30 PM Hume City (4th) vs Northcote City (9th)
Northcote drew 0-0 against Southern Stars, while Hume lost 1-0 at Dandenong Thunder. Will most likely be a tough match. Northcote needs this win to establish themselves properly in the five, while Hume needs this win to keep up with the pack. South need this one to be a draw to slow down Northcote and keep Hume off their tails. Hume City 0 Northcote City 0.

Friday 8:30 PM Richmond (10th) vs Heidelberg United (12th)
I’ll be doing autograph signings at this one. I saw Richmond beat Bentleigh 0-1 last week, but didn’t see Heidelberg lose 1-2 to Green Gully. Obviously, the Bergers need to win, and this is a winnable game for them. If they lose here then I’d definitely consider them a State 1 champion next season. Richmond did well last week at Bentleigh, they looked good going forward and comfortable at the back, except for the last ten minutes, when Bentleigh threw everything at them. I think Heidelberg can come good for this challenge. Even a draw will be a good beginning. Richmond 2 – Heidelberg 3.

Saturday 7:00 PM Southern Stars (6th) vs Bentleigh Greens (5th)
This is the easiest to pick. A no brainer if you will. South needs a draw. The co-tenant derby. I won’t write much about this one. Southern Stars 1 – Bentleigh Greens 1.

Sunday 3:00 PM Moreland Zebras (11th) vs Oakleigh Cannons (2nd)
Moreland got taught a lesson at Somers Street last weekend by a youthful and exuberant Knights outfit 2-1. Oakleigh lost 2-1 at Lakeside in what could’ve been a bigger margin if not for their keeper. Both teams coming off losses. Moreland needs to win to survive the drop, while Oakleigh needs to win to consolidate their top five position. South needs a draw or win to Moreland. Moreland are for the tip. Oakleigh surprised me how they are second. Is the VPL that bad? YES, YES, YES! Moreland Zebras 2 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.

Sunday 3:00 PM Melbourne Knights (8th) vs Dandenong Thunder (1st)
The Knights were excellent against Moreland last week in their come from behind 2-1 win. Dandenong as expected had a 1-0 win over Hume City. A win to Dandenong is the recipe for the day. South needs to shake off the Knights who are behind them on goal difference. I still think the Knights will give them a run for their money, but Dandy will just be better where it counts, on the scoreboard. Melbourne knights 1 – Dandeong Thunder 2.

Sunday 5:00 PM South Melbourne (7th) vs Green Gully Cavaliers (3rd)
Last week Green Gully beat the struggling Bergers 1-2. South Melbourne absolutely made a mockery of Oakleigh's second place on the ladder with a 2-1 win at Lakeside. The score coulda, shoulda, woulda, been bigger but for Italiano in goals. He has impressed this season, and tell ya what, he earnt his money against South. South was good, very good. Burton has been a wonder signing in this transfer window. Takes the load off big Trent and is a tough tackling Brit. Seems to have a wicked shot on him too, but how he hit the post from a couple of yards out in the first half has me necked. South was all over Oakleigh from the get go. It took Oakleigh two minutes to finally touch the ball after South kicked off. South did everything right. Chased hard, tackled hard, worked hard, attacked as a group, defended as a team, didn’t lose their shape, and was clinical in their passing and shooting. Overall a great day. For a change everyone left Lakeside happy, and we go into the Green Gully game with more confidence than usual. South Melbourne 3 – Green Gully 0.

Editors note: South's game this week is the FFV live stream game of the week. While of course there's nothing like the South Melbourne Hellas live experience, if you can't make it to the game, head to the FFV's Official Youtube Channel for their live coverage.

Admin Stuff

• Congratulations to Arthur Papas for beating me in the Euro 2012 tipping comp. A thank you for agreeing to participate.
• Match clock at Lakeside. It would be handy if the clock stopped with five minutes to go. Teams play to the clock and it gives an unfair advantage to the leading team. We get this at no other stadium. Turn the fucker off.
• Liquor Licensing. A big ‘well done’ to the State Trust. How can you not apply for a permanent liquor license from the opening day of the venue, and instead you go and get a temporary one ? Seriously, how fucken amateurish. Also, that is no excuse for not having the food outlet open for the game against Oakleigh. The souvs and sausages that caravan sells are not as good as your pies, some of us actually wait a week to get a decent pie you know.
• FFV. I am still waiting for my media pass. Season is nearly over you know.
• Rumours. When people start rumours they should have some basis for them. Not bullshit ones that don’t even make sense. The key to a good rumour is a concrete source. 

Those wacky campers

Found while doing inventory a few months ago.

Nice - South Melbourne 2 Oakleigh Cannons 1

What can one say? That was good to watch.

We moved the ball more quickly, we linked up well, as all our little flicks into space started coming off, and we should have buried Oakleigh well before they made a late flurry. Apart from the improved forward play, which has probably been in evidence for a couple of weeks now, the midfield seemed hungrier for action - there was some thrilling tackling in the middle of the field, and to cap it off, for once the loose balls seemed to end up with us.

Our set piece play, especially from corners, has also improved. We're actually now, more often than not, at least making the opposition keeper and his defence worry a bit, instead of immediately playing it short, or worse, sliding it straight out for a goal kick. The team will still make mistakes, but football is a 90 minute game, not a five minute highlights package.

Oakleigh was in mine, and a lot of the other South fans' opinion, very unlucky not to get a penalty in the first half. It seemed pretty clear cut from where I was sitting, but the ref just waved play on. Apart from that, a period in the first half where the Cannons had a string of corners, and one or two shots needing saving, they seemed a little short of ideas, though our defensive work was pretty good, especially that of defensive midfielder (and I hope he stays there, instead of being shuffled back into defence proper) Dimi Tsiaras was huge.

Ricky Diaco's late free kick was always going to go in - in my opinion, he's probably the best free kick taker in the league at the moment, his shooting in general being excellent - it was just a matter of how. The fact that it had to go through the wall was less than pleasing however.

It shouldn't have come down to Peter Gavalas making a fine save right at the end to give us all three points, instead of just one, and that will be something to be worked on.

Arthur Papas
Back in town, and for some reason back on the Oakleigh bench as 'team manager'.

Back Room Booze Bonanza!
Congratulations to the person who won the raffle, consisting of two or three bottles of booze, which I found sitting in the back of the social club's bar, and which had probably been sitting there since we moved out to Northcote.

For the health inspector dudes who read this blog, don't worry, the bottles were sealed (wine and rum improve with age, no?) and I tossed out the Bailey's.

Delays
Had to wait almost ten minutes for kick off, because the refs didn't do their due diligence and check the nets well before the game was due to start.

Freekick Frenzy
 
Photographer Peter Psarros has a nice knack for taking sequenced photos of freekicks - the sequence of Steven Weir's free kick against Northcote in round 22 last year was lovely - and this one of Glen Trifiro's 30 yard effort is pretty good too. I sequenced the separate images using some free site doohickey.

Music
Turn that fucking shit off already, it's fucking bollocks.

Next Week
Green Gully, at home. Eleven rounds ago, after another inspiring win against Oakleigh, this is where our season began to fall apart. Our record against Gully but not at Gully is actually not too bad. We'll probably screw it up.

Substitutes
Still mystifying. Instead of maybe bringing on a defender to beef up the defensive end, we brought on three attacking players. Did it almost bring us undone? Perhaps. Curious to see Joe Keenan have a bit of a run as well.

The Things That Keep You Up At Night
The latest stupid Steve from Broady catchphrase which has taken off among a certain portion of the supporters. See also: 'Get around it!' and 'Put it in the Mixer!'.

Under 21s
Won 2-1. Anthony Giannopoulos' scissor goal for the team's second was unfortunately not caught on video.

Vlahos, Burton, Kelly, etc
Vlahos only had a brief period on the field as a substitute. Kelly wasn't in the squad. Burton impressed. While he certainly should have scored a goal or two, his mere presence was beneficial to the entire team, and especially to Trent Rixon, by taking some of the attacking workload off him. Added to the fact that Rixon has actually been used by his team mates over the past two or three games, and there's reason to be a little optimistic about the second half of the season.

Zenith
Thanks to that shocking first half of the season, there's not much room for error from here on in. We all got excited with our gangbusters start to the season, and fell into a deep depression when it went the other way. Top three gives you the double chance and a decent stab at the championship. We're not even close to thinking about that yet. For now, it's about re-establishing meaningful contact with the top five.

Kiss of Death, Round 13, 2012

This week's Kiss of Death is being tipped based on what results suit South Melbourne. As of now, all results must go South's way. Gamble at your own peril based on these tips. You have been warned.

Euro 2012 Tipping vs Arthur Papas
Congratulations to Arthur Papas for winning the tipping comp against the Kiss of Death. The final score was 20-14. Not only did Arthur get more win/loss/draw points (15-12), but he also won the correct result tally (5-2).

Friday 8:15 PM Bentleigh Greens (4th) vs Richmond (10th)
This game needs a draw. A draw will enable South to pull away from the bottom and climb into the upper half of the table. Richmond are the draw specialists this season, so hopefully they continue that trend. Bentleigh lost 2-0 at Gully last week which was not good for South, and Richmond drew 0-0 against Northcote which was good. Transfer window opened up this week and Skorich has left Bentleigh for the Zebras. Bentleigh Greens 1 – Richmond 1.

Saturday 3:00 PM Northcote City (3rd) vs Southern Stars (6th)
Southern Stars upset everyone last week. They beat the high flying Thunder 2-1. But, I have heard a rumour that the Stars have run out of money and the players have been told not to expect anything. Hopefully this stops their little run out of the bottom. Northcote is doing well under Loza. South needs Northcote to win. A draw is no good because then South can’t jump Southern Stars. Northcote 3 – Southern Stars 2.

Saturday 7:00 PM Dandenong Thunder (1st) vs Hume City (7th)
Pretty much a dead rubberfor South. A win by Dandy will be good. We can’t catch them anyway, but we can catch Hume. Dandenong Thunder 3 – Hume City 0.

Sunday 3:00 PM Melbourne Knights (9th) vs Moreland (11th)
You all know I’m a secret Knights fan, but I’m going to have to tip a draw here. South above all else and South needs this one to draw. The Knights have recruited a couple during the transfer window and Moreland has gone and signed Grant Brebner, Andrew Nabbout, Skorich and some dude from Ballarat. Only one I rate is Nabbout. At least the food will be good at Somers St. Cevaps and cabbage with some Karlovacko Pivo. Melbourne Knights 2 – Moreland 2.

Sunday 3:00 PM Heidelberg United (12th) vs Green Gully Cavaliers (5th)
The Bergers are in real trouble if they lose this one. They have been emptied out apparently in this transfer window, and Katsakis has a difficult task of keeping them up. For the sake of Hellas, the Bergers need to win against Gully. Here’s a conspiracy I’m making up now and hoping it will spread. If the Bergers lose to Gully, it’s so that South don’t make the finals. They would rather go down to State 1, as long as South doesn’t make the Top 5. Get around it and spread it my children.
Heidelberg United 2 – Green Gully 1.

Sunday 5:00 PM South Melbourne (8th) vs Oakleigh Cannons (2nd)
Match of the round. Will this be South's turning point? Will South pull out all stops and start putting teams away? Will Oakleigh start to falter? Will Zois hear about how much he “loves this club”?(LOL)

South was very good at Whittlesea last Sunday night. Fuck me was it cold. We played a calculated game with attacking purpose. A win would’ve been a bonus, but when you hit the post, the crossbar and McMaster pulls saves out of his arse, you can’t blame the team. What I can blame the team for though is, short corners, quick free kicks and bad decisions. Some examples. O’Dor comes up for a corner, we decide to play it short, we lose it, then O’Dor needs to sprint the full length of the pitch to get back into position. Gasparis took three corners in the first half that all went out of play. Don’t know which Trif, but one of them has this thing about taking quick free kicks. WTF? Just wait for a second man. Then we have players in not so good positions to shoot, yet no one in the middle for a cross, so they decide to cross anyway. Either hold the fucken thing, or try your luck with a shot. Why oh why does Gus persist with Petreski. He is not starting eleven material at South. We are not desperate to fill positions because we have no players. Take him off please, in the name of Hellas. A positive though is the subs Gus made. Surprise, surprise, he made them with 20mins to go. WAHHH Wild Scenes! Oakleigh had a 3-2 win against the Bergers last week after being 3-0 up. This shows defensive frailties. Hopefully South can exploit this. South Melbourne 3 – Oakleigh Cannons 0.

Digging a hole to 1974, and proud of it

Two Englishmen and a chain smoking, hard gambling senior citizen with manboobs walked into a bar... sounds like a decent set up for a joke, except the punchline is that the bar is South Melbourne Hellas, and the three blokes are our new signings. Good grief.

Stick a 'Soccer Action' masthead onto the article, maybe a Laurie Schwab or Fred Villiers byline onto it, and it would probably pass as a legitimate 1970s or 80s article.

So, Steve Burton (not the Green Gully one, but some schmo from England via Perth), Shaun Kelly (England via Shepparton) and Andy Vlahos (deep breath, ex-Heidelberg United, Collingwood Warriors, Carlton, Panathinaikos,  AO Agios Nikolaos, South Melbourne [who?], Football Kingz, Cercle Brugge, Melbourne Victory [apparently they don't exist according to our official site, which is an incredible, if slightly mystifying relief], Heidelberg United, Hume City, Heidelberg United) are our mid-season signings.

Also, out the door are Gianni De Nittis (again, maybe to Port), and Kyle Joryeff (unlucky, allegedly to Knights, but now probably Richmond). And what of Rhodri Payne? Who knows.

The only thing I can say, being one of those critics who has never kicked a ball and can't even lift a leg (then again, I heard the latter criticism made last night at the Port vs Gully cup match of Vlahos from a 1970s Polonia player), well, everything else has failed since 2006, so why not? This will be a second half of the season to remember.

And seriously, do click on the link above, and check out the attached videos - especially Kelly's, where he looks like a slide tackling machine even above and beyond Ramazan Tavsancioglu's efforts of the days of yore.

You can't always get what you want - Moreland Zebras 2 South Melbourne 2

But if you try sometimes, you get what you can.


Putting aside that the opposition weren't the best, this was the best football we'd played since round two. It still wasn't fast enough or determined enough in its spread of play, but it was leaps and bounds ahead of anything else we'd done attacking wise for months.

This time it wasn't for lack of trying that we didn't score, though some more trigger happy decisions in dangerous spots could have made all the difference. It wasn't that Trent Rixon didn't get any supply - he had more than his fair share for probably the first time this season, but chose that day to not be able to make it count. It happens.

The Zebras' chances, though not plentiful, were usually dangerous enough, and they were less wasteful. How many stray crosses from us? Sliced corners? Failure to punch it home from the six yard box? Two shots on the woodwork, and 3-4 good saves from McMaster. It all adds up.

It was frustrating for fan and player alike, yet it was a massive step in the right direction. There are others though, and our present status and possible future failure may very well show them to be right. We aren't where we are for no reason. And when one problem seems to be sorted, another pops up, this time in the defensive end. There is still much work to be done.

Bear Grylls for Pansies Epping North Trekking Experience
Took public transport there for the first time. The South Morang line is not one of Melbourne's more scenic train rides. Saw Steve from Broady at Bell Station, farewelled him at Preston station, as he was taking another route.

Saw the famous Josie and David at Epping Station. Got on bus. After 15 minutes, got off bus. Hands froze holding umbrella while walking through rain. At some point, the footpath ended, and we had to go cross country a little earlier than expected. Over the jagged and slippery rocks for a shortcut, around the muddier patches, and through the gate.

Barring some sort of finals match, this could be the last time we play at Epping Stadium for a very long time. Hume will probably be be back at their John Ilhan base soon enough. Moreland will be moving to, eh, Moreland, at just the moment the housing developments in the area really hit their stride. A ground that always seemed on the edge of nowhere was finally, thanks to Melbourne's relentless urban sprawl, somewhere. Even if that somewhere was really far away from a lot of places.

I know I won't miss the cold, the appalling food, and the long journey whether by public transport or car.

Civil Disobedience Spectacular
Those who've been to Epping know that the best spot to view the game is not from the grandstand, with its array of poles and delirious black fencing, but rather from the outer.

And regardless of weather, visiting South fans of the more vocal variety have pretty much always chosen to stand behind the goals, and that's where we were yesterday.

Most chose the grassy hills, but some (like myself), wanting a different or better view, went down to the fence along behind the goals.

Well, for some reason, someone wasn't happy about that. They didn't show their face during any of the proceedings, but sent the crack security teams down to get us to go back up the hill.

They told us we'd get fined, that the police would be called. No logic worked with these people, that we hadn't actually done anything wrong, that one could stand behind the goals at pretty much every other ground in the state.

Then the rest of the behind the goals crew decided to come down the hill and stand with us. It highlighted the farce of the situation. One wit asked the chief security person where the evacuation points were, to which he only received a blank stare.

For 20 odd minutes, we were united again. Sad that it has to be something so stupid to make it work.

Hainanese Chicken Rice for Dinner
Singapore's de facto national dish goes down a treat on a cold, cold night.

Next Week
Oakleigh, in the first of three consecutive home games. Their players will be keen to both avenge the earlier 3-1 loss at Jack Edwards Reserve, as well as be glad to play on a decent surface more conducive ti skillful play.

Hopefully the refs don't pay too much attention to the rantings of Oakleigh co-coach Peter Zois and his crew. And hopefully our boys are on song from the get go - whatever failings Oakleigh may have in terms of on field organisation or morale, their sqaud is usually full of quality players, who can score in a variety of ways.

Zenith
There was a five week spell there where one could ask for the footy scores without fear of being guilt ridden for doing so. That ends this week. Pity.

Kiss of Death, Round 12, 2012

Blogger is giving me the irrits this week. Don't like my browser? That's fine, but can you please permanently remove your drop down box suggestion to move to Chrome?


Now on to this round's Kiss of Death.

Friday 8:30 PM Hume City (5th) v Melbourne Knights (9th)
Both teams lost 2-1 last week, with Hume being beaten by Moreland and the Knights by Southern Stars. Theoretically this will be a tough encounter. Realistically though, the Knights will overcome Hume with a resounding 1-3 victory out at Epping. As long as they hit the lead first, and hold it.

Friday 8:30 PM Oakleigh Cannons (2nd) v Heidelberg United (12th)
Greek derby. Seconnd Greek derby for both teams two weeks in a row. Oakleigh beat Bentleigh 2-1, while the Bergers lost at South 2-1 last weekend. Heidelberg impressed me under the watchful eye of George Katsakis. They played well, hassled all over the park, and didn’t park the bus. Oakleigh from all reports were lucky to beat Bentleigh. Oakleigh Cannons 0 – Heidelberg United 2. I will be at this one, so I expect virgins throwing rose petals at my feet throughout the 90 minutes.

Friday 8:30 PM Richmond (10th) v Northcote City (3rd)
The Eurozone derby. Northcote must do this for Greece. Let’s show the Krauts what we think of their Euro. I’m not expecting Angela Merkel at this one. Both teams are coming of 1-1 encounters last weekend. Mixed bag both these teams. Up and down, up and down. Not much else to write about this one. Richmond 0 – Northcote City 0.

Saturday 3:00 PM Green Gully Cavaliers (6th) v Bentleigh (4th)
Gully drew with Northcote last week. An upset result of sorts. I see the same thing happening this week. Bentleigh will go to Green Gully Reserve happy with a draw, and that is what they will get. Green Gully 2 – Bentleigh Greens 2.

Saturday 7:00 PM Southern Stars (7th) v Dandenong Thunder (1st)
A derby of no interest to me. Couldn’t care less what happens here.
Southern Stars 0 – Dandy Thunder 9

Sunday 3:00 PM Moreland Zebras (11th) v South Melbourne (8th)
There’s only one Moreland, and that’s Moreland City in the State 2 N/W. This Moreland is an imitation. A poor one at that. This is like the gazillionth name change of this team. South Melbourne however, has always been South Melbourne. Oh how you wish you were us. Especially after we beat the Bergers last week and are back on the warpath. I don’t care about Moreland this weekend. They are a speedhump on South's road to success this season. After last week's victory over the Bergers there’s a smell in the air. The smell of success. I think we have our mojo back. No. the first goal last weekend was NOT offside. I’ve seen the footage and Rixon was clearly on. Confidence is at an all time high. I’m so happy, I have no idea what else to write. Moreland Zebras 0 – South Melbourne 3.

Kiss of Death 2012 Mid-Season review

Firstly, a bit of background. While we've appreciated the efforts of the Kiss of Death over the past couple of years, it has often been a bit of a struggle to get them to send their work in at anything other than the absolute last minute.

An email exchange would usually go something likes this, usually on a Thursday afternoon, with me panicking (ever so slightly) and worrying about the Kiss of Death's legion of fans:

Me: KOD, coming this week?

KOD: Been really busy, will get it done by Friday morning.

The Kiss of Death didn't even do an awards/end of season review for last season. :rollseyes:

And yet something about this season has fired up the Kiss of Death. As the results got more and more disastrous, the Kiss of Death's submissions kept coming in earlier and earlier, like they barely sleep or eat (for me it's been the opposite - the appalling season has seen me delay and delay).

The Kiss of Death was so eager to put forward this mid-season review, that it was sent to me last week. But I told them, look, wait until after the match against the Bergertrons, the proper halfway point if you will.

So here it is, the Kiss of Death 2012 mid-season review. Enjoy! And don't forget to plant all your praise and criticism into the comments section.

Peter Gavalas - 5/10 - Aerial weaknesses constantly exposed - Has cost us too many goals - Heart in mouth stuff when the balls in the 6 yard box - Must be dropped

Tom Matthews - 8/10 - No weakness other than the panel beater job he copped at Richmond - Excellent all round performer

Rhodri Payne - 7/10 - When given a start - Hasn't been exposed this season as has seen minimal game time - No issues

Steve O'Dor - 5/10 - Captain courageous has gone missing - Expect more - Too slow to get out of the back when needed.

Philip Petreski - 5/10 - Apparently a great talent - Not ready for starting 11 - Overrated.

Dimitri Tsiaris - 6/10 - Has been played in multiple positions this season due to injuries - Yet to settle - Needs time

Joe Keenan - 7/10 - Minimal game time due to injury - When played has been the difference - Must get injury free

Dimitri Hatzimouratis - 7/10 - Works hard when on the park - Has missed easy goals - But has scored important ones - Needs time to settle

Trent Rixon - 5/10 - Poor start - Fans expect more and rightly so - Might be playing injured which is a bad thing - Must lift ASAP.

Glen Trifiro - 6/10 - Hard worker - Seems to turn into trouble - Has plenty of juice in the tank - Has been a good acquisition

Brad Norton - 5/10 - Keeping Payne out of the team - No idea how - Young talent but still very raw - Needs confidence

Luke Byles - 8/10 - Signing of the year - Unlucky to break his hand v Knights - Should be back soon to plug the leaky defence - Great talent

Fernando De Moraes - 5/10 - Hasn't seen much game time due to Futsalroos - Most likely coming to the end of his outdoor playing career - Will always be loved at the club - New system doesn't suit him

Christian Skok - 5/10 - Young talent who has seen a few minutes here and there - Very raw - Looks comfortable at U21 level - Step up to senior football will be a challenge - Still raw

Matko Budimir - 7/10 - Young Matko has been impressive when required - Seems to commandeer the right hand side with ease - Needs more exposure to senior football

Marinos Gasparis - 6/10 - Not the Gaspa we know - Rare glimpses of the past been shown - Something's up - Needs to re-focus on the job at hand

Gianni De Nittis - 4/10 - Has come off the bench in last 10 minutes - Can't do much in that time - Tries hard - Great personality - Needs game time in 21s

Jason Saldaris - 5/10 - Unused substitute. probably itching to get a run. Has been excellent in the under 21s, and must be promoted.

Jason Trifiro - 6/10 - Hard worker - Good acquisition - Holds position well - Loses possession easily at times - Needs to settle and take time on the ball

Kyle Joryeff - 7/10 - Started the season off with a bang - Must be starting 11 soon, the way the rest of the team are going

Coach - Peter Tsolakis - 5/10 - With this squad must be doing better - Leaves subs late - Must take more control

Assistant Coach - Joe Montemurro - 5/10 - Great personality - Has passion - Responsible as much as Gus - Must do something

Team Manager - Frank Piccione - 10/10 - Strips are well organised - Always clean - Works hard around the club outside his Team Manager duties - Must be applauded

Total: 139/230 (60.4%) including team manager

Overall we are failing. Our ladder position would be correct for our performances.

The win against the Bergers although important, was not as convincing as I would've liked.

A scrappy 2-1 win over a team who will be playing state 1 next season unless they start stringing some wins together.

Kiss of Death
Chief Soccer Analyst of all the Chief Soccer Analysts

Derby Daze - South Melbourne 2 Heidelberg United 1

Wednesday morning, we publish the Kiss of Death's mid-season ratings. But for now let's bask in the glory of a derby win.

It was a messy, but entertaining match, full of passion, spite, and action. End to end stuff a lot of the time.

And the best thing is, we won. Snapped our four game home losing streak. Put the Bergers in deeper relegation danger. Maybe turned our season around.

Adidas Hoodies
Get around them! (preferably in blue, though).

Countdown to Oblivion
Nice to see a clock integrated into the scoreboard experience. Next step - a clock that counts up. It was quite nerve wracking seeing that clock countdown... and then injury time, nothing.

Disco Inferno
I can understand playing sponsor announcements, highlights of previous games, etc on the scoreboard. But I can't take much more of the pre-game and half time music.

Burn down the disco
Hang the blessed DJ
Because the music that they constantly play
It says nothing to me about my life

Taste is one thing, and that dance crap does nothing for me. But it's almost impossible for people to talk to each other in the stands. To think, that even at the MCG it's not as bad as it once was. Just turn it off, the music isn't fooling anyone that we're not in the VPL.

Euro 2012 Digression/I'm Rich, Biatch
Arthur Papas has a three point lead over the Kiss of Death as we head into the final state of their tipping competition.

More important, however, is the fact that trash talking England fan Steve from Broady, whose perennial and unfathomable optimism about England, in the face of all history and logic, now owes me $5.

The clown - and really, that's the only way to put it, after being on the receiving end of about three years of nonsense tirades about how England's 'time was now', wagered that they would at least make the final. I even offered to not take his money if they at least made the semis.

Really, being proven right about England failing is like shooting the proverbial fish in the barrel. But still, there's something to be said for moral victories.

Fight to the End
Two scuffles, and the will to put our bodies on the line.

While it costs you in the long run, for once we were more likely to get yellow cards than the opposition.

It was scrappy a lot of the time, but the base line that everyone must start with is at least putting in 90 minutes of effort.

Nα Τσουξει
It means 'to smart, to sting, to hurt'.

I'm all for 30 metre rocket goals, but when it comes to the Bergers, I'd rather the dodgiest goal you can imagine. 5-0 wins are great too, but just as sweet are the arsey wins. Think the injury time sting of the 2006 round one win at Olympic Village, or last year's elimination final, where we scored from a dodgy penalty, and had Hamlet Armenian twice stuff up the equaliser from their own dodgy penalty.

And the fact that they got their hopes up so early into the game, after Peter Gavalas and a mystery central defender got nowhere near an unmarked Ben Griffiths on the edge of the six yard box makes it even better.

Of course, at that stage, the absolute only positive one could possibly find to avoid more wrist slashing was that we had another 88 minutes to redeem ourselves.

There seems to be universal agreement that our first goal had more than a whiff of offside - something like two metres - but in this case, the more offside, the better.

The fact that it was a direct ball to Trent Rixon, who laid it off for an unmarked Jason Trifiro, was icing on the cake. It was the thing we should have been doing all season, yet it came across as something so rare and novel.

The second goal, courtesy of a Brad Norton shot from the edge of the box, took a massive deflection, giving Heidelberg's goalkeeper no chance.

Late in the game, Heidelberg received a free kick in a reasonably dangerous position. Up stepped that noted free kick specialist (snigger) Kristian Sarkies. Did he take a shot? No. Did he pass it across to the free man on the right hand side? No. Did he place a basically harmless dink over the top which we fairly easily cleared? Yes.

Rivalry
There's people that will tell you this rivalry is dead. They can get stuffed.

The crowd numbers are of course a mere shadow of what they were in the now long distant glory days. The average age of the spectators would make a pension day line at the Borrack Square Commonwealth Bank look like a kindergarten class.

But man, it still means something to everyone that rocks up to these games. It means something to George Katsakis, to Gus Tsolakis, and amazingly, it seemed to mean something for the players as well.

And it was pleasing to see Heidelberg actually try to take the game on, instead of sit back and absorb pressure. I'll give them that much. They're a long way from safety now, though.

Under 21s
Drew 2-2. Saw the second half, pretty even, but messy game. Maybe Bergers a bit stiff not to come away with all the points.

Zenith
It wasn't necessarily the prettiest thing, but pretty hasn't got us very far this season.

South Melbourne Hellas: the musical - Kiss of Death, Round 11, 2012

Kiss of Death vs Arthur Papas Euro 2012 Tipping
After the group stage, the Kiss of Death trails Arthur Papas 12 points to 13. Here are their quarter finals tips.

Czech Republic v Portugal (KOD) 1-3 (AP) 1-2
Germany v Greece (KOD) 0-1 (AP) 2-0
Spain v France (KOD) 2-1 (AP) 2-0
England v Italy (KOD) 2-0 (AP) 0-1


Friday 8:30 PM Oakleigh Cannons (4th) v Bentleigh Greens (2nd)
It started as a rumours on soccer-forum.net, then it was confirmed that Oakleigh coach Huss Skenderovic has been sacked. Strange really. He hasn’t been doing too bad and he has them in 4th. Weirder things have happened I suppose. How Bentleigh are second just shows how fucked this league really is. They hardly threatened last weekend against South Melbourne, yet won with an 85th minute penalty. Oakleigh had a 3-2 away loss at Northcote last weekend. They equalised 2-2 in the 88th, yet copped the third in the 90th. Both these teams are playing their second Greek derby in a row. The pressure is on. Oakleigh Cannons 2 – Bentleigh Greens 2.

STOP PRESS! - posted at 9:19am Friday
Oakleigh players revolted against coach after last weeks loss.......
Sunday night - Huss Skenderovic is sacked
Sunday night - George Katsakis appointed coach of Oakleigh
Monday morning... players get wind of appointment
Monday afternoon - Oakleigh board are notified that players are revolting if Katsakis has been appointed
Monday night - Katsakis sacked as coach of Oakleigh
Tuesday morning - Zois and Theo appointed


Friday 8:30 PM Richmond (10th) v Dandenong Thunder (1st)
Richmond was eaten and spat out by the Knights last weekend 1-0 while Dandenong had a convincing 3-0 win over Green Gully. Dandenong will be the team to beat. Unfortunately Richmond will not be able to beat them. Richmond 0 – Dandenong Thunder 4.

Saturday 3:00 PM Green Gully Cavaliers (6th) v Northcote City (3rd)
This should be an exciting encounter. One team is defensively content in their approach, while the other one fights 'til the end. Northcote always win at Gully and this weekend will be no different. Green Gully Cavaliers 1 – Northcote City 2.

Saturday 7:00 PM Southern Stars (8th) v Melbourne Knights (7th)
Southern Stars drew at Hume last weekend, while the Knights did what they had to do against Richmond. Marth, I suppose, has settled well for now, but only time will tell if he can survive. Big crowd expected for this one. Southern Stars 2 – Melbourne Knights 2.

Sunday 3:00 PM Moreland Zebras (11th) v Hume City (5th)
The ‘same home ground’ derby. Both these teams are playing out of the same venue, so how shit the food will be is anyone's guess. They seriously need to get the bar and canteen sorted out. I had some food there once and I didn’t make it out of Epping. Anyhoo, this game is of no interest to the Victorian football public, that’s why it’s being played in the middle of nowhere. Epping Stadium is a white elephant and a half. This will be a shit game. Moreland Zebras 0 – Hume City 0.

Sunday 5:00 PM South Melbourne (9th) v Heidelberg United (12th)

How depressing. Where I should be writing an article about how South is going to absolutely pummel the Bergers, I sit here at my desk nervous about this weekend's encounter. In order to ease the nerves, I will talk about last week's loss at Bentleigh. The usual South stuff. Play teams off the park with pretty one touch short passing football, and we lose to a bunch of ugly long ball playing panel beaters. “What else we can do”, once said a certain president of a now state league 2 club. I got there early to watch the U21’s. Reffing was woeful, South should’ve won. Had a good laugh at the moron who wouldn’t shut up about how he paid $9 for, and I quote, “Man this is the shittest souv I’ve ever eaten, and I paid 9 bucks for it, what a fucken joke”. Get over it tightass. Then I sat back on the bodgiest grandstand and witness one of the Trifiros go through the middle, hit the post, celebrate, then realise it went for a goalkick. If we ain't jinxed then I don’t know who is. Second half and more of the same. Then a handball appeal which the ref gives to Bentleigh as a peno. They score, we abuse the players/board/coaches/peanut man/a couple of saints and holy figures and go home. Another riveting South Melbourne performance. This week Heidelberg is on the menu. Will we beat them? That’s a question I might be able to answer if the moons align and I feel good. Must we beat them? Um hello, no shit Sherlock. If we lose to the Bergers, the entire coaching staff must be sacked. Enough excuses. I know people on the South board read this blog. You have an obligation to the members. South Melbourne 8 – Heidelberg United 0 (This is only because Moreland Zebras scored 4 against them last week, and I think we are double the talent of Moreland). Anything less is a poor result.

Late Breaking News
George Katsakis has retaken the reigns at the Bergers. This is a bad thing for South. Every time a team gets a new coach, they perform, and usually win. Will definitely be a shit match for South. This coach has a way of lifting his players regardless of how low their morale or ladder position might be. He is the only coach I see week in, week out at other matches. Hard worker all round. Was also present at South 1-0 loss last week at Bentleigh. Even he was shaking his head at Souths performance ! Ah fuck.

Admin Stuff
A request to all South Melbourne fans who read this blog. Please light a candle for our beloved South Melbourne. If we keep going along like this, not even a bushfire will be enough.

Join me in prayer every evening at 9.08pm AEST, with the following:

Dear God,

Please disregard all the prayers that are being said for the other team.

Amen

• Rumour has it that SMFC will be holding an interfaith service next week IF they lose to the Bergers. Great idea, but our religion is SMFC.
• Rumours going around last Friday at Bentleigh were that we have been “evil eyed” and we have had a curse put on us. So get the priest down there and bless everyone, or get a few golden toothed old ladies to remove the “evil eye” from the stadium, and everyone involved at the club. I have the gift of “xematiasma”, and you can contact me at kodvic@gmail.com
• Lakeside stadium needs a DJ who can play to the mood of the crowd. I have selected some songs specific to the events at Lakeside, mainly losses:

Otan Pethano Thapste Me (When I die, bury me) Stratos Pagioumtzis


Synefiasmeni Kyriaki (Cloudy Sunday) Stelios Kazantzidis


Se xilious duo mpelades (A couple thousand problems) Manolis Mitsias


Svise me Kira mou (Turn me off woman) Manolis Aggelopoulos


Gia ta lefta ta kaneis ola (You do everything for money) Antipas


Eimai se katastasi ektaktou anagis (I’m in a position of urgent need) Makropoulos


Yakety Sax (The Benny Hill Theme)- Boots Randolph (the editor has decided to be a smartass and present instead Yakety Axe, as performed by Chet Atkins.)