South of the Border Awards 2013

Hmm. Is it worth doing a season review? Probably not. You can just go back and read about what happened in the usual way.

In a blog full of self-indulgence, this is just about the most self-indulgent of posts. A person who has never played the game, who can barely make out what's going on the field, and even if he could, is usually too apoplectic with rage to make any useful judgments anyway.

Which is just another way of saying it's time for the 2013 South of the Border Awards. For previous editions of this mini-extravaganza, see this link.

Player of the year: It could have gone to Pete Gavalas for his massive turnaround in form. It could have gone to Brian Bran for being our best over the second half of the year. It could have gone to Tyson Holmes for being a thorn in Steve From Broady's side. But this award has never followed any sort of logical decision making process, and we're not about to start now.

Trent Rixon gets my vote in 2013 because when he finally got fit, he showed us not only the form which saw the club bring him over in the first place by scoring several goals, but he also displayed a joyful combativeness up front. For the first time since he made the move from Northcote, he looked like he was actually enjoying being at and playing for South - the highlight being his celebration with statsman Steve from Broady away at Port Melbourne.

Under 21 player of the year: The Cliff Hussey Memorial Trophy (this year selected by Steve From Broady) goes to Baggio Yousif. I'm not going to disagree with that.

Goal of the year: Ljubo Milicevic. Now, unlike last year, there were several brilliant/crazy/timely goals scored in 2013. Andy Vlahos' belter of a free kick at home against Green Gully. Soolsma's free kick at home against Hume City. Holmes' overhead at home against Richmond, or Hopper's excellent control in the away fixture against Richmond. Either of Fernando's goals against Preston in the cup, for the pure emotion of it if not the execution.

But for the way the planets aligned for Ljubo's own goal, I couldn't bring myself to award it anyone else. His return to Lakeside, finally playing for the club he apparently supported as a kid, South down 2-1 due to some comical defending, and the out of absolutely nothing, Ljubo heads it into his own net, and the South fans start chanting his name. It was a lot of a fun.

Best performance: Hmm. The win against Northcote in the Dockerty Cup was pretty epic. The win against Bentleigh away was awesome. But I'm going to go with Green Gully away in round 1. Seriously, I was happy to have the season end right there and then. We killed them from start to finish and nothing went wrong at all. See in you in another 27 years when it happens again.

Best away game of the year: Melbourne Knights semi-final. It had to be something special to beat our first away win at Gully since 233 BCE or whenever it was. Without any intentional disrespect against all the other clubs, that night against our old foe Melbourne Croatia, it felt like we were in a real league, playing against a real team. They even booed our goal! When was the last time that happened? And what a beautiful smash and grab win it was. Pure joy.

Call of the year:
"Hey goalkeeper, you look like a highlighter!" (David, host of SMFC TV), said during the cup match against Northcote, in reference to their goalkeeper's get up of fluoro green jersey and shorts with black socks.

Runners up:

• "There are ten players out there for South called 'cunt' and one called 'Andy' (Vlahos)" (Ian Syson, Southern Stars at home)
• "He went down like he ate a hot dog from Green Gully" (Steve From Broady, during the under 21s game at home to Green Gully)

Chant of the year: "You're supposed to be in church!", Oakleigh home match. There were a couple of other contenders, especially late on in the season, such as:

"Dodgy Asian Betting, Now We're In The Finals!" (Gully final)

and

"Our social club
Does not exist
Our social club does not exist
It's got no door, and no window
Our social club does not exist" (Northcote final)

But the winner had a certain, je ne sais quoi to it.

Best after match dinner location: Man, I missed a lot of these this season, and there were a lot of disappointing affairs here. Chief among the disappointing places were that trendy ramen place on Lonsdale Street (bland, bland, bland), and the deplorable Coconut House (except for the incredible soy milk). So, almost by default, it goes to Thai Deli again, for their Pad Thai. Good to support a local South Melbourne business as well.

Friends we lost along the way:  The Brunswick City souv. Our FFV media pass holder status.  Our position of being somewhere about fifth or sixth in line for news that 'you can't tell anyone, seriously'. I think we're about 23rd in line now, behind the Cypriot peanut man who they don't let in the ground, but still ahead of Michael Lynch. Small mercies and all that.

Barely related to anything highlight stupidity of the year:  We have to go right back to the start of the season. I'd given Gains and Steve from Broady a lift to Green Gully Reserve, as is my custom. Now, we were all in agreement, based on many previous experiences, that you do not eat the food at Green Gully, except possibly the hot jam doughnuts, because even Green Gully couldn't manage to fuck those up, surely?

So anyway, we won the game, we were all happy, and it was time to go home. Now, if you've never driven Steve from Broady anywhere, you should know two things are likely to happen. Firstly, he'll try and tell enough stupid stories that will make you laugh until you black out and crash into an oncoming truck. Secondly, he will pummel you with so many crackpot theories or stupid questions that eventually you'll just ask him to shut the fuck up already.

Well, we hadn't even got out of the car park yet (an ordeal in itself at Green Gully) before he's already worn my patience thin by asking a really daft question. I abused the fuck out of him for doing so, and then he was very quiet all the way home. So quiet, that I actually felt really bad about the whole situation.

Well, a few months later, upon reminiscing about that drive home in a conversation, Steve casually mentions that he wasn't quiet because of the abuse I'd dished out. No, he was quiet on the ride home because he felt sick as a dog, and was very close to throwing up. And why was he close to throwing up? Because against everyone's experience and advice, including his own, he'd had a Green Gully hot dog.

That's your expert food reviewer right there.

Bang For Your Buck - South Melbourne 6 Dandenong Thunder 2

Our now former coach Peter 'Gus' Tsolakis had said throughout the 2013 portion of his coaching tenure, that one day we were going to absolutely batter a team with the amount of chances we were creating. It didn't happen, and there was that much batter being stored that we could have opened up a fish and chip shop.

While initially I wanted to believe in the promise of hammering some team, as the weeks went by and it still hadn't happened, even Tsolakis had stopped believing it. Witness for example what turned out to be his final post match interview - unshaven and tired, he pulled out the battered line again and it was obvious to all that he was working on autopilot.
And then yesterday it actually did happen. That first ten minutes was chaos. Three goals, all to us. One almost a carbon copy of what had happened the week before, with Epifano oppoing up at the back post. The second was Rixon's first goal of the season, a tap in from a spilled shot, but who's counting? The third a Bran header from a corner. And yet, why did I have the feeling that the game was still up for grabs?

Perhaps because, apart from our seemingly inherent weaknesses, Dandenong are, despite the pillaging of their playing stocks (admittedly mostly by us), still made up of some decent players. A perfectly hit corner helped make it 3-1, and from there on the fact that we were one bad decision or a keeper injury away from the game being a contest again was on the books.

And what do you know, almost both of those things happened soon after. The penalty given away by debutant keeper Chris Maynard was beyond a joke. But joke or not, it was slotted in well and it was 3-2 all of a sudden, with Dandenong well and truly with the momentum. Steven Topalovic was a beast in the middle, and when Maynard got hurt in a desperate attempt to prevent Thunder from getting the equaliser, it looked like we were moments away from having Fernando de Moraes, our nominal back up keeper for the day, being brought on to take up the role between the sticks.

Still, Maynard played out the game, and we managed to make it to half time without conceding another. The second half was much of the same, both sides playing on the edge of the offside rule, but neither able to get the next goal. Then Zaim Zeneli, the former South keeper, he of the heroic double save against the Bergers in the elimination final back in 2011 which saw us a break a run of five years of not beating that mob, made a howler of epic proportions.

Going to throw the ball out wide, the ball slipped out of his glove, into the path of Rixon, who chipped the ball back over Zeneli's head to make it 4-2. As much as I cheered the goal, and as much as I gazed on in astonishment at the error, I did feel bad for Zeneli in a way I probably will never feel for Gavalas, and I'm not sure why. Something to talk about with my therapist, perhaps.

Despite that goal Thunder persisted, but seldom tested out Maynard. Topalovic was nowhere near as effective in the second half as he was in the first - maybe we started playing the ball away from his sphere of influence on the field? Our raggedy defensive line diced with death and the offside flag several times, but Bran more or less had Nate Foster under wraps in the second half.
And when Epifano scored his second for the match after intercepting a slack square ball across the back, and sped away with (cliche alert) blistering pace, the game was well and truly done. Brad Norton added to his already impressive tally of goals this season by finishing off a pinballesque situation in the box, and all of a sudden it's 6-2, we're a little less morose, the Thunder fans' anger at their traitorous players is but a demoralised shadow of what it was at the start of the fixture, and maybe we can make finals?

Were we more direct? More clinical? Takimng advantage of a side that's been through a different kind of hell in 2013? Is Rixon now officially 'in form'? Are Epifano and Bran the greatest things since sliced bread? And how quickly will we turn on all of them if they can't get all three points against Richmond this week? I think that's a question that we can answer. The rest, that's for you people to mull over.


Steve From Broady's Under 21s Report
South Melbourne's under 21s were at Lakeside Stadium for a fifth week in a row, as they took on Dandenong Thunder on Sunday. South, looking to go three in a row, had made a few changes most notably in goals with Lajos injured, a new young keeper come in between the sticks. South kicked off and it was clear early on in this game was going to be a tight affair, with both teams' chances coming few and far between. In the 43rd minute Baggio Yousif broke the deadlock as he fired home from inside the area to give South a 1-0 lead just before the half time break. The boys came out firing in the second half and the game started swinging South's way. In the 65th minute Baggio scored again to double South's lead and to bag his 8th goal in 3 weeks. 3 minets later south was through the dandy defence again and zinni fired home to wrap up the 3 points for south the game finished 3-0 to south and the boys in blue march on now to Richmond away on Friday night looking for a 4th win in a row.

Steve From Broady's Canteen Report
South Melbourne's canteen was on show for a fifth week in a row. I was back at South's food van this week and I had a souv - it was quality this week. It helps when the souv doesn't break and lamb goes everywhere like my souv did on Tuesday at the cup. Today's souv was quality made in front of you, not sitting on the bench for two hours. Everything was quality about this souv, so I give this weeks souv a 7.5. Away to Richmond next week, will their canteen be able to handle the pressure? Only the food gods know, until next week, get around it.

1. Pascoe Vale 10/10
2. Hume City 8/10
3. Bentleigh Greens 7/10
4. Northcote City 3.5/10
5. Southern Stars 2/10
6. Green Gully 1/10
7. Dandenong DQ 

South food truck

• Week 1 - 4.5/10
• Week 2 - 7/10
• Week 3 - 8.5/10
• Week 4 - 5/10
• Week 5 - 5.5/10
• Week 6 - 9/10
• Week 7 - 6/10
• Week 8 - 7.5/10

Renco Van Eeken Fruit Watch Baggio Yousif Junk Food Watch
Was seen eating chips after the 21s match. Fascinating stuff. What else can we do when no one was looking out for Renco this week?

Seagulls
Where the hell did they come from yesterday? Felt like it was halfway through the last quarter at an MCG footy match. Eerie.

Next Week
Richmond away. Downhill skiing time or regularly scheduled self-implosion?

Final Thought
Always unsatisfying to be doing a rushed post due to having other commitments. Hopefully something from us on the rapid developments regarding the NPLV, but absolutely no promises made on that front. Damn ethics and integrity class.

Alphabet Soup - Melbourne Knights 2 South Melbourne 2

Didn't deserve to win, didn't deserve to lose. Out of that we somehow got a draw. There was controversy, lots of goals, bit of niggle, and yet it just didn't do something for me. Maybe I can sense the end of the season is coming for us, and I'm already subconsciously getting ready for it.

Anthony Giannopoulos
Still can't catch a break.

Baggio played for South!
But not the one you're thinking of.

Clarendon Corner
Going, going...

Derby
If a derby gets played in the woods (or the back blocks of Sunshine) and no one notices, did it actually happen?

English Premier League
Starts again this week, or so they tell me. Shoot me before my Facebook page gets cluttered with mostly Grecian Geezers (and I'm not referring to Exeter City fans).

Fernando De Moraes
Early in the second half he was provided with the best cross we've made since the 1999 NSL grand final, and we all thought it was in. It wasn't. Anyone else and we would have expected that.

Glen Trifiro
Does he even give a shit any more?

Heidelberg United
Sad that their troubles are the only thing we can smile about this season.

If We Are To Make The Finals...
My guess is that we'll have to get ten points from the remaining twelve. I think we'll fail at the first hurdle this week at home against Dandenong, but I would love to be proven wrong. PROVE ME WRONG BOYS! PROVE ME WRONG!

Joe Montemurro
Anyone notice anything different while he was coaching the last two weeks?

Kevin 'Power Trip' Docherty
Good on him for giving that red card to the Knights player, even if the players involved thought nothing much of the incident. Stupid and pointless act by the player in question.

Low Flying Aircraft
The view from Knights Stadium is good, but not quite up to the helicopters landing at Moorabbin Airport during a game at Kingston Heath.

Marinos Gasparis - Man For A Crisis
Apparently going off to Greece (mate's wedding) and will miss the next three games or so. Great stuff.

Nick Jacobs
Broke his leg while playing school football. Get well soon, champ.

Olympic Games
Thank Lucifer that crap is over. Now we can focus on sports we actually like again.

Pigeonhole Key

That's me next to David Hicks. We had some good times.

I think the reason that Victoria University and their crack security squad is stalling on this, is because I actually am a security threat. Hopefully my apology for chucking The New Citizen and other Larouchian propaganda into everyone's pigeonhole will be seen as sincere.

Quote of the Month
From our old acquaintance Mercs, who doesn't come around anymore, but whose blog we read for reminders that there are sporting clubs almost as fucked as ours, and for work like this.


You'd never turn back a win (well, you might if it was 2009 and SNIP - legal department) but a victory of this variety was a bit like on-screen nudity before the internet came along. Back in say 1992 you didn't know when you were going to see norgs again so anything looked good.

Ražniči
Not the best thing I've ever eaten at the soccer, but not the worst either, and great value at $6 with cabbage and onion! And service that was atypically cheerful for Knights Stadium.

Social Club
They tell me that they've finally and actually moved the stuff that me, Steve from Broady, Mr Valkanis, Polish Nick, Ryan the Intern (and possibly assorted others) put into boxes out of there, and into storage. Maybe we will get the

Twitter
I am now officially a Twit. Check me out at @PaulMavroudis, though I probably won't have much, if anything to say. How does this crap even work?

Unidentified Vehicle
Starting beeping me on Ballarat Road, no idea who they were, what they wanted, whether they were sticking their finger up at me, whether my white South hoodie was actually a Collingwood one. I just tried to concentrate on getting to the ground in one piece by focusing on the road.

Victoria University Students
Plenty of time to sink piss. Not enough time to read a couple of articles.

Worlds of Football Conference 2012
I've submitted my abstract - will they allow me to present a paper? Or will I have to go back to reporting only on everyone else's papers? Interesting factoid about that piece - despite being just about the most high brow piece on here, it still ranks as one of the most visited pages on this site. Not too bad considering it isn't a Hellenic Cup or Jim Marinis piece.

Xenophon
The most delightful of all music, that of your own praises.

Young Wife
Because the Government does not favour the entry of foreign women, New Australians are often men without wives; hence unfulfilled desire reinforces love of country. There is no night life worth mentioning, no corso, no processions. In other words there is nothing, though it’s a comfortable nothing. Bored and frustrated, the New Australian is permitted to express himself once every seven days for twice forty minutes (sic) at the soccer match (Martin 1966: 152)

Zenith
People still think we're not a VPL club. How cute.