South of the Border match history

This page contains a relatively easy to use index of every South senior men's match this blog has reported on in one way or another, including rescued forum posts, stolen reports, and guest features.

Without going back and looking at specific entries, the earlier in the blog's lifespan a match report is, the worse it will be. To get a fuller picture of what was going on at that time you may need to look at other, non-match related pieces. Later on, match reports include much more than only perfunctory recollection of what happened on the day.

As for match reports from Altona East, other VPL and state league matches, Socceroos games, and nonsense from other sports, you'll have to dig those out yourself. Do a search. Click on a label. Have fun.

2008

PRE-SEASON & HELLENIC CUP FIXTURES

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 0 Richmond 5. This was probably played out at Springvale White Eagles. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 Heidelberg United 1. Also played out in Keysborough. I went bowling instead.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 3 Melbourne Knights 1. A rough game played on a hard ground.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 1 Port Melbourne 0. You think my writing sucks now? Have a look at this rubbish.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 2 South Springvale Aris 0. Should have signed Neil Young.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 2 South Springvale Serres 0. You gotta scroll down for this one.

Hellenic Cup quarter final - South Melbourne 0 Bentleigh Greens 1. Was not there.

VICTORIAN PREMIER LEAGUE FIXTURES

Round 1 - Heidelberg United 2 South Melbourne 1. The Bergers' 50th anniversary celebrations went well.

Round 2 - South Melbourne 1 Coburg United 2. Only started getting an inkling of how much this season was going to suck.

Round 3 - South Melbourne 5 Western Suburbs 0. Cliff provided a video of Fernando's goal from a free kick, which sadly didn't make the cut for Fernando's highlights package.

Round 4 - Oakleigh Cannons 1 South Melbourne 0. Back to earth with a thud.

Round 5 - South Melbourne 0 Australian Institute of Sport 2. Did any of the kids on that team go on to do anything?

Round 6 - Preston Lions 1 South Melbourne 2. Lot of action that day. Lot of misinformation, too.

Round 7 - South Melbourne 0 Green Gully 3. Let's build a snowman. After this match John Anastasiadis resigned

Round 8 - Melbourne Knights 2 South Melbourne 0. Mike Michalokopulos' first game in charge.

Round 9 - South Melbourne 6 Fawkner 2. In amid the bad times, there was also some classic downhill skiing.

Round 10 - Altona Magic 1 South Melbourne 0. So we lost at Paisley Park. We did that even in our 'good' years.

Round 11 - South Melbourne 1 Richmond 0. I can't remember this game for the life of me.

Round 12 - Whittlesea Zebras 0 South Melbourne 1. Another one that's very hazy in the memory. I do remember Hamlet playing well though.

Round 13 - South Melbourne 3 Frankston Pines 1. Three wins in a row might look good, but it was mostly downhill skiing. See also this post.

Round 14 South Melbourne 1 Heidelberg United 2. Carbon copy of the first game.

Round 15 - Coburg United 2 South Melbourne 3. I honestly thought we would make finals after this. So naive.

Round 16 - Western Suburbs 0 South Melbourne 0. Our first draw for the season.

Round 17 - South Melbourne 3 Oakleigh Cannons 1. Future member of SMFC Media Team left a comment. Also, see Cliff's debut report on the same game.

Round 18 - Australian Institute of Sport 0 South Melbourne 0. Drove all the way up to Canberra for 80 minutes of soccer. Revisit the entire experience here.

Round 19 - South Melbourne 1 Preston 2. Cliff's report seems to be the only match report on this game on here. I was too busy talking about mesh.

A random mid-season friendly - Northcote City 0 South Melbourne 3. Why did we play this game? Did we actually play this game? Is this a figment of my imagination.

Round 20 - Green Gully 1 South Melbourne 0. Another loss at that joint.

Round 21 - South Melbourne 2 Melbourne Knights 2. Cliff's report. Was this the legendary Crolumbo game?

Round 22 - Fawkner 1 South Melbourne 0. The infamous and legendary 'why' game. See also this far more comprehensive report on the game.

Round 23 - South Melbourne 1 Altona Magic 0. Cliff did the match report, and managed to also capture our goal.

Round 24 - Richmond 2 South Melbourne 0. In 2008, Pablo Cardozo became the first player to score 20 goals in a VPL season since Peter Kakos in 1999. We were just one of his many victims.

Round 25 - South Melbourne 1 Whittlesea Zebras 1. See Cliff's match report of what was Dean Anastasiadis' final game for South.

Round 26 - Frankston Pines 1 South Melbourne 3. Like the round 13 fixture between these two sides, South came from behind to take the chocolates.

2009

PRE-SEASON & HELLENIC CUP FIXTURES

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 Altona Magic 2. Very early days this.

Pre-season friendly - Hume City 0 South Melbouirne 3. Our friend Conya was there.

Hellenic Cup group match - Panserraikos 0 South Melbourne 7. Inaugural South in the Suburbs day.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 6 Braeside Lemnos 0. I wasn'r there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 7 South Hobart 0. This was a lot of fun, Poor no. 3 from South Hobart though, he copped it hard.

Hellenic Cup group match - Kingston City 0 South Melbourne 1. I was not there.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 12 Moorabbin 0. Not the Moorabbin that folded in the mid 1990s.

Hellenic Cup quarter final - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 0. Not there.

Hellenic Cup semi-final - South Melbourne 3 Oakleigh Cannons 2 (after extra time; FT 2-2). Nathan Caldwell received a more or less career ending injury this game.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 5 Northcote 0. And they say players don't play enough games.

Hellenic Cup final - South Melbourne 3 Heidelberg United 0. Official debut of what would become the SMFCTV juggernaut.

VICTORIAN PREMIER LEAGUE FIXTURES

Round 1 - South Melbourne 0 Dandenong Thunder 1. Great start to our 50th anniversary year, not.

Round 2 - South Melbourne 0 Heidelberg United 1. Just one of many Simpsons references in this blog.

Round 3 - Preston Lions 1 South Melbourne 7. My goodness, Preston were lousy that year.

Round 4 - South Melbourne 2 Melbourne Knights 1. A dreadful first half. An incredible second half.

Round 5 - Whittlesea Zebras 1 South Melbourne 3. Played at Lakeside because of the FFV's then vendetta against the Zebras.

Round 6 - South Melbourne 3 Richmond 0. Four wins in a row!

Round 7 -Green Gully 2 South Melbourne 2. Green Gully are cheats.

Round 8 - Hume City 1 South Melbourne 2. Horsey scored his hundredth South goal.

Round 9 - South Melbourne 0 Oakleigh Cannons 0. Gains' first game. Steve from Broady had borrowed my umbrella the previous week - I didn't see it again for three months.

Round 10 -South Melbourne 2 Altona Magic 0. ERT were filming their South doco in this day. I got two seconds of screen time while lining up for food.

Round 11 - Sunshine George Cross 1 South Melbourne 1. We were in second place at the half way point. Overdue for our traditional mid-season collapse.

Round 12 - Dandenong Thunder 2 South Melbourne 2. Still can't believe that Webster picked the ball up.

Round 13 - Heidelberg United 1 South Melbourne 0. Just another of those five barren years that I've tried to wipe from my memory.

Round 14 - South Melbourne 6 Preston Lions 2. Downhill skiing.

Round 15  - Melbourne Knights 1 South Melbourne 1. Meh.

Round 16 - South Melbourne 4 Whittlesea Zebras 0. More downhill skiing. No hooped socks on the heritage top.

Round 17 - Richmond 1 South Melbourne 3. Gains' first away game. Kati memories of when the food there was good.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 1. I really didn't put enough effort in in those days.

Round 19 - South Melbourne 0 Hume City 1. Absurd scenes after the game.

Round 20 - Oakleigh Cannons 1 South Melbourne 1. More dropped points.

Round 21 - Altona Magic 3 South Melbourne 0. Very bad, very, very bad.

Round 22 - South Melbourne 1 Sunshine George Cross 0. The day that Fernando scored that goal.

Elimination final - Hume City 2 South Melbourne 0. Another reason to hate Epping Stadium. This was Michael Michalokopoulos last game as coach. He departed due to personal reasons.

Pan-Hellenic Games friendly - South Melbourne 0 West Sydney Berries 1. A shortened halves match. A game so memorable no one, even me, bothered to record the score. I had to do a search on smfcboard to find it.

2010

PRE-SEASON & HELLENIC CUP FIXTURES

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 4 Richmond 1.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 4 South Hobart 1. This game was played behind closed doors - or at the very least, wasn't advertised, and both sides played experimental teams.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 South Hobart 1. South Hobart gave a better account of itself here, and was unlucky not to draw this game.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 0 Bentleigh Greens 2. Pretty slack arse outing by us.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 2 Altona East 0. During the day I saw some bloke 'skitz it' as the kids would say, and try and knock some bloke out.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 2 Essendon United 2. Man, was I pissed about this result or what?

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 5 Lalor Florina 0. A little better.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 10 Keon Park 0. With all due respect, a waste of time for all concerned.

Hellenic Cup quarter final - South Melbourne 3 Northcote City 0. Did OK.

Pre-season friendly - Brunswick City 1 South Melbourne 7. This was a low key game celebrating Brunswick City's 40th anniversary, played in ever diminishing light.

Hellenic Cup semi final - South Melbourne 2 Heidelberg United 0. It would another year and a half to beat them in a real game.

Hellenic Cup final - South Melbourne 0 Benteligh Greens 0. Bentleigh Greens won 5-4 on penalties.

VICTORIAN PREMIER LEAGUE & SINGAPORE CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - Altona Magic 1 South Melbourne 1. Our first point at Paisley Park, probably ever. Vaughan Coveny's first official game as coach.

Round 2 - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 1. You can see me on the video calling for the penalty.

Round 3 - Northcote City 3 South Melbourne 3. A very exciting game. Think this may have been Northcote's 50th anniversary match.

Round 4 - South Melbourne 2 Green Gully 1. I'm trying to figure out when I lost hope for this season. It hadn't happened by this stage.

Round 5 - Dandenong Thunder 0 South Melbourne 2. Rode our luck a little, but we got the points. All's good, right?

Round 6 - South Melbourne 1 Heidelberg United 1. Our last game at Lakeside before the renovations. Some other stuff also happened.

Round 7 - Melbourne Knights 0 South Melbourne 1. RIP CroDuck.

Round 8 - Hume City 0 South Melbourne 6. Flying.

Round 9 - Richmond 3 South Melbourne 0. Crashing.

Round 10 - South Melbourne 1 Oakleigh Cannons 2. This was played at Kingston Heath.

Round 11 - South Melbourne 3 Sunshine George Cross 1. The first of our Northcote home games.

Singapore Cup first round - South Melbourne 2 Gombak United 1. Chat log match report, not exactly scientific.

Round 12 - South Melbourne 3 Altona Magic 1. Not played with the other round 12 games because of our Singapore trip.

Round 13 - Bentleigh Greens 0 South Melbourne 1. Fernando cracker late.

Round 14 - South Melbourne 2 Northcote City 3. Man, I could get real sooky about doing match reports.

Round 15 - Green Gully 2 South Melbourne 0. Another lames loss at Green Gully Reserve.

Round 16 - South Melbourne 2 Dandenong Thunder 3. I wasn't there, as I was recovering from having my appendix removed. Played at Kingston Heath.

Round 17 - Heidelberg United 2 South Melbourne 0. Two of the dodgiest penalties you will ever fucken see. Fucken disgrace.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 3 Melbourne Knights 0. Knights fans still don't know how Zois kept a clean sheet. Frankly, I don't care.

Round 19 - South Melbourne 2 Hume City 2. I kinda started losing interest in this season again.

Round 20 - South Melbourne 2 Richmond 2. Man, Horsey really didn't like Seba, did he?

Round 21 - Oakleigh Cannons 0 South Melbourne 1. This has a genuine match report in there. Also, we beat a vending machine at the station.

Round 22 - Sunshine George Cross 0 South Melbourne 4. This was played at Knights Stadium. After this win, we needed a draw in the postponed Thunder - Hercules match to make the finals. We didn't get it. Vaughan Coveny's last game as coach, after his contract was not renewed.

Singapore Cup quarter final first leg - South Melbourne 1 Bangkok Glass 3. Scored first, but got overrun. Eddie Krncevic's first game as coach in his second stint at the club.

Singapore Cup quarter final second leg - Bangkok Glass 3 South Melbourne 3. Lost 4-6 on aggregate, but didn't disgrace ourselves.

A 2011 pre-season friendly played in 2010 - Dandenong Thunder 2 South Melbourne 1. Played at North Sunshine's ground.

A 2011 pre-season friendly played in 2010 - Springvale White Eagles 2 South Melbourne 1. I wasn't there.

2011

PRE-SEASON & HELLENIC CUP FIXTURES

Pre-season friendly - Springvale White Eagles 2 South Melbourne 1. I was not there.

Pre-season friendly - Bentleigh Greens 2 South Melbourne 1. I was not there.

Pre-season friendly - Hobart Olympia 0 South Melbourne 9. The first match from on our Tasmanian tour. Ran riot against sub-par opposition.

Pre-season friendly - South Hobart 0 South Melbourne 5. The second match on our Tasmanian visit. Won the Hill Street Thrifty Cup.

Pre-season friendly - Northcote City 3 South Melbourne 2. Just one of what would be a million losses against this mob at this ground.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 5 Box Hill United 0. The further back in time I go, the more everything just becomes a blur.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 9 Beaumaris 1. How Beaumaris qualified as a Greek team still boggles the mind.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 5 Kingston City 0. Tuesday night game in Bentleigh. Fuck that.

Hellenic Cup quarter final - South Melbourne 4 Altona East 0. Tougher than scoreline makes out.

Hellenic Cup semi-final - South Melbourne 2 Bentleigh Greens 0. Tuesday night at Bentleigh, so I probably wasn't there.

Hellenic Cup final - South Melbourne 2 Heidelberg United 1 (after ET; FT 1-1). Gasparis' winner was top shelf.

VICTORIAN PREMIER LEAGUE, MIRABELLA CUP, & SINGAPORE CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 1. Comically poor finishing from both teams.

Round 2 - Springvale White Eagles 4 South Melbourne 6. Dug ourselves out of a hole with some classic downhill skiing.

Round 3 - South Melbourne 2 VTC 3. This was very embarrassing. We actually lead this game, played at Port Melbourne. All of VTC's matches were midweek, so this is one two matches we played during round 3.

South Melbourne 2 Bentleigh Greens 1. The other round 3 game. Joryeff's goal was a cracker. I tell you what, people talk about Fernando's love of South, but Seb Petrovich has to be right up there for post-NSL era players.

Round 4 - Heidelberg United 2 South Melbourne 2. Steve from Broady walked through without paying. He's that good.

Round 5 - Oakleigh Cannons 1 South Melbourne 2. Ljubo's first game.

Round 6 - South Melbourne 3 Melbourne Knights 1. What a comeback! Bet the Knights didn't see that one coming.

Round 7 - St Albans 0 South Melbourne 2. A pretty bruising encounter.

Round 8 - South Melbourne 1 Richmond 0. Lefteri came back.

Friendly game - Altona Magic 1 South Melbourne 3. Can't remember squat about this game.

Round 9 - Hume City 5 South Melbourne 0. Costly loss. I think we dubbed it Ataturk appreciation day.

Mirabella Cup Round 4 - South Melbourne 14 Yarraville Glory 0. This was a complete waste of time. Pretty sure it's a record for us.

Round 10 - South Melbourne 0 Dandenong Thunder 0. Somehow we came out of this with a point.

Round 11 - Northcote City 5 South Melbourne 0. Still depleted, but not as lucky this time around.

Round 12 - Green Gully 3 South Melbourne 2. The bad run continued, with keeper Abdelhadi Deroune having a nightmare. Not the first South keeper to do at that Gully.

Round 13 - South Melbourne 1 Springvale White Eagles 0. Not pretty.

Round 14 - Bentleigh Greems 1 South Melbourne 0. Don't you hate it when you go behind and you know there's no way back?

Round 15 - VTC 0 South  Melbourne 6. The upsidedown post. Also the first of two round 15 matches.

South Melbourne 0 Heidelberg United 0. Jesse Krncevic got sent off for nothing. Chances are if he hadn't been suspended for these 4-5 games, we'd have finished top of the table, maybe won the whole thing. The second of our two round 15 matches.

Mirabella Cup Round 5 - Port Melbourne 2 South Melbourne 1 after extra time (1-1 FT). Lame.

Singapore Cup First Round - South Melbourne 0 Albirex Niigata (S-League) 3. Deserved to lose.

Round 16 - South Melbourne 1 Oakleigh Cannons 0. A tough, tough game.

Round 17 - Melbourne Knights 1 South Melbourne 0. No heroics this time.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 1 St Albans 0. Wasn't pretty. Thank goodness Steven Weir didn't go off half cocked with a premature celebration, and bothered to tap in shot that came off the post.

Round 19 - Richmond 1 South Melbourne 0. This time the banner went up where the FFV couldn't do a thing about it.

Round 20 - South Melbourne 3 Hume City 1. No knew which South team would rock up in any given week.

Round 21 - Dandenong Thunder 0 South Melbourne 1. Lovely header by Jesse.

Round 22 - South Melbourne 3 Northcote City 3. Came back from 3-1 down, should have won it, should have finished first, but didn't quite make it. Played at Port Melbourne instead of Northcote.

Elimination Final - South Melbourne 1 Heidelberg United 0. What an ugly, drama filled way to break our five year drought against this mob.

Minor Semi Final - Oakleigh Cannons 1 South Melbourne 0. This is where not getting the double chance cost us big. Busted, broken and beaten by a late, late goal.

Lakeside Opening Weekend - South Melbourne 2 Sydney Olympic 3. Relaxed day all round.

2012

PRE-SEASON & HELLENIC CUP FIXTURES

Pre-season friendly - Western Suburbs 4 South Melbourne 2. I have a vague recollection that there was a lot of running around trying to find the money for the refs.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 2 Bentleigh Greens 0.

Hellenic Cup group match - Kingston City 1 South Melbourne 1. The sky was pretty.

Hellenic Cup group match - South Melbourne 3 Malvern City 0. Weather was lousy, but the good kind of lousy. You know, drizzly and stuff.

Hellenic Cup quarter-final - South Melbourne vs Altona East (South win by forfeit). See also this post.

Hellenic Cup semi-final - Western Suburbs 0 South Melbourne 0 (Suburbs won 6-5 on penalties).

Hellenic Cup 3rd/4th place playoff - South Melbourne 3 Northcote City 2. I was absent.

Pre-season friendly - Port Melbourne 3 South Melbourne 3. It turned out that there was no fight for the no. 1 keeper's spot.

Pre-season friendly - Dandenong Thunder 1 South Melbourne 1. Thunder went on to prove that pre-season form can be taken on to win several trophies in one season.

VICTORIAN PREMIER LEAGUE & DOCKERTY CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - South Melbourne 4 Whittlesea Zebras 0. Our first proper home game back at the re-configured Lakeside.

Round 2 - Oakleigh Cannons 1 South Melbourne 3. We thought we were pretty hot stuff after this game.

Round 3 - Green Gully 3 South Melbourne 1. The German Shepard Club game.

Round 4 - Richmond 1 South Melbourne 1. They were chanting my name, if you can believe it.

Dockerty Cup, Stage 2 - South Melbourne 2 Malvern City 1. Did what had to be done, just.

Round 5 - South Melbourne 0 Southern Stars 2. You only sing about kebabs.

Round 6 - Hume City 0 South Melbourne 1. Out at Epping while Hume we're getting their ground done up.

Round 7 - South Melbourne 1 Melbourne Knights 2. This day belonged to Sprite Boy.

Round 8 - Dandenong Thunder 1 South Melbourne 1. Yes, we have no gazoza.

Round 9 - South Melbourne 0 Northcote City 1. The sad panda picture makes this one of  blog's most popular articles.

Dockerty Cup Fifth Round - South Melbourne 1 Port Melbourne 2. Lamer.

Round 10 - Bentleigh Greens 1 South Melbourne 0. Mazenod Dog Man had his issue getting in.

Round 11 - South Melbourne 2 Heidelberg 1. Fuck the Bergers.

Round 12 - Whittlesea Zebras 2 South Melbourne 2. And Tony Wilson thought his experience with the German 'fan camp' security was necked. Come to more VPL games buddy, get your dose of petty security every week.

Round 13 - South Melbourne 2 Oakleigh Cannons 1. Cheapest raffle prize ever.

Round 14 - South Melbourne 0 Green Gully 2. Where I get accused for the billionth time of not watching the game.

Round 15 - South Melbourne 1 Richmond 3. Where I gave up on the 2012 season for the 10th time.

Round 16 - Southern Stars 2 South Melbourne 3. Nicky Jacobs!

Round 17 - South Melbourne 2 Hume City 1. Three minutes is what counted.

Round 18 - Melbourne Knights 2 South Melbourne 2. I started my Twitter existence around about this time.

Round 19 - South Melbourne 1 Dandenong Thunder 2. The John Munch game.

Round 20 - Northcote City 0 South Melbourne 1. We beat Northcote and they were not happy.

Round 21 - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 1. What do you do when you've just been knocked of finals contention in a heartbreaking fashion? If you're George Donikian, tell everyone 'let's go support the Heart!'.

Round 22 - Heidelberg United 2 South Melbourne 5. You want things to stay the same? Read about the farce that was this game.

2013

PRE-SEASON FIXTURES

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 7 Malvern City 0. Marinos Gasparis ended up winning a championship. Not with us obviously.

Pre-season friendly - Pascoe Vale 3 South Melbourne 0. Still can't win at Paisley Park.

Pre-season friendly - Port Melbourne 1 South Melbourne 2. The game where Pete Gavalas woke up. Also, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNCHED!

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 Heidelberg United 0. Who knew VPL gambling talk would turn out to be relevant in 2013?

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 Altona Magic 1. Who knew that'd we be relying on Andy Vlahos to get us out of jail that much in 2013?

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 1 Northcote City 0. Very exciting. I still stand by my Dave Gilmour hate.

VICTORIAN PREMIER LEAGUE & DOCKERTY CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - Green Gully 0 South Melbourne 3. What a great day. Could have ended the season right there and then.

Round 2 - Southern Stars 0 South Melbourne 3. This game still makes me feel queasy.

Round 3 - Bentleigh Greens 1 South Melbourne 2. Ripping game, after which we thought we could do anything.


Round 4 - Dandenong Thunder 3 South Melbourne 0. Everyone who wasn't someone was locked out. That meant us, too.

Dockerty Cup fourth round - South Melbourne vs Oakleigh Cannons . Oakleigh forfeited the game due to Orthodox Easter.

Round 5 - South Melbourne 3 Richmond 2. I saw a cousin of mine at this game who hadn't been to a South match probably since the NSL ended.

Round 6 - Hume City 3 South Melbourne 2. Rugby union is a terrible sport. I watched one game so you don't have to.

Round 7 - South Melbourne 2 Oakleigh Cannons 1. At least Oakleigh turned up this time.

Round 8 - Pascoe Vale 0 South Melbourne 0. Great pizza, terrible game.

Dockerty Cup fifth round - South Melbourne 3 Northcote City 2 (after extra time; FT 2-2.). This is what cup football is all about.

Round 9 - South Melbourne 2 Melbourne Knights 2. Ljubo manages to make it about himself again.

Round 10 - Northcote City 3 South Melbourne 0. Something was seriously going wrong here.

Round 11 - South Melbourne 0 Port Melbourne 1. Gains did the special guest match report, as I was visiting my brother in hospital. This was Peter Tsolakis' last game as coach before resigning.

Round 12 - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 3. I got back in time from Canberra to see Chris Taylor's first game in charge.

Round 13 - South Melbourne 2 Southern Stars 2. If I knew this result wasn't going to count, I wouldn't have tried so hard with this post.

Round 14 - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 4. Sometimes you've got to start at the very bottom.

Dockerty Cup quarter final - South Melbourne 4 Preston Lions 2. Not his last game, but the last match winning performance of the great Fernando De Moraes

Round 15 - South Melbourne 6 Dandenong Thunder 2. Lots of goals, lots of poor refereeing, lots of hatred.

Round 16 - Richmond 1 South Melbourne 1. In which we mourn the passing of a great Victorian soccer institution - Richmond's once unbeatable canteen.

Round 17 - South Melbourne 6 Hume City 1. In which I take aim at Tom Kalas for perverting history for his own ends.

Round 18 - Oakleigh Cannons 1 South Melbourne 2. Some nice gifts in this game from Oaks.

Dockerty Cup semi-final - Green Gully 1 South Melbourne 0. Fuck I hate Gully.

Round 19 - South Melbourne 3 Pascoe Vale 2. Good old fashioned getting out of jail business.

Round 20 - Melbourne Knights 2 South Melbourne 1. It was very windy that day - just ask Pete Gavalas.

Round 21 - South Melbourne 1 Northcote City 1. After this result, we thought we were more or less doomed. Then Southern Stars intervened.

Round 22 - Port Melbourne 0 South Melbourne 4. Injustice ingrained into the DNA of the sport.

Elimination Final - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 0. A very, very emotional win.

Semi-final - Melbourne Knights 0 South Melbourne 1. It felt like we were in a real league again, playing against a real club.

Preliminary final - Northcote City 5 South Melbourne 0. Still clueless as to what happened here.

A 2014 preseason game in 2013
Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne (under 21s) 0 Selangor 4 (a wondrous 2014 pre-season scratch match)

2014

PRE-SEASON & 3XY CUP FIXTURES

3XY Cup group match - Heidelberg United 2 South Melbourne 0. Hmm, no match report. That's how much I cared.

3XY Cup group match - South Melbourne 0 West Adelaide 5. We sent out a bunch of triallists and kids. West Adelaide went on to win the tournament.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 5 Hobart Olympia 1 - bloody hot day, with the visitors running out of steam after 10 minutes.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 4 Clifton Hill 2. Did you know that at one point, some people thought I was Dom Barba, Clifton Hill's coach at the time of this match?

Pre-season friendly - Langwarrin 0 South Melbourne 3. I missed this one because of the lack of a Sunday bus service to Lawton Reserve.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 0 Dandenong Thunder 0. Botched a few chances.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 4 Box Hill United 2. Karantoni and some of his mates started singing at one point.

Pre-season friendly - Hume City 1 South Melbourne 1. The viewing from the outer side at Hume is a disgrace.

Pre-season friendly - Shepparton South 4 South Melbourne 3. You gotta scroll down for their bit.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 4 Richmond 1. Steve From Broady gifted Lujic a goal.

Pre-season friendly - Springvale White Eagles 0 South Melbourne 2. I never used to put this much effort in during pre-season, did I?

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 5 Melbourne Victory (NYL team) 0. I wasn't there.

NATIONAL PREMIER LEAGUES VICTORIA & DOCKERTY CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - Heidelberg United 0 South Melbourne 3. I went a little nuts in the comment section.

Dockerty Cup fourth round - Sunshine George Cross 0 South Melbourne 1. Robert Santilli forgets an earlier lesson in on field decorum.

Round 2 - Port Melbourne 2 South Melbourne 3. Someone was a little quick to press the panic button.

Round 3 - Green Gully 3 South Melbourne 5. By jingoes, Rosco! That was a three or four goal breeze going towards the northern end!

Round 4 - Hume City 0 South Melbourne 3. How awesome is Miles Davis' Blue in Green?

Round 5 - South Melbourne 2 Ballarat Red Devils 0. Five in a row!

Round 6 - Melbourne Knights 0 South Melbourne 1. Whatever happened to the Somers Street Chicken?

Round 7 - Ballarat Red Devils 1 South Melbourne 2. It rained. We also broke a 54 year record for our best start to a season.

Dockerty Cup fifth round - Berwick City 1 South Melbourne 4. Gracious hosts, huge technical area.

Round 8 - South Melbourne 2 Bentleigh Greens 1. Eight in a row!

Round 9 - South Melbourne 1 Pascoe Vale 0. Hope that security guard is OK.

Round 10 - Werribee City 0 South Melbourne 1. Do it yourself!

Dockerty Cup sixth round - Dandenong Thunder 0 South Melbourne 1 (after extra time). Put ball in goal.

Round 11 - South Melbourne 5 Dandenong Thunder 0. Too many scorers to fit on the scoreboard.

Round 12 - Oakleigh Cannons 3 South Melbourne 0. Winning run comes to sudden halt.

Round 13 - South Melbourne 1 Goulburn Valley Suns 1. Jitters.

Round 14 - South Melbourne 3 Heidelberg United 0. No cardigans.

Dockerty Cup quarter final - South Melbourne 0 Melbourne Knights 2. Baby's in black, and I'm feeling blue.

Round 15 - South Melbourne 2 Port Melbourne 1. The Jewish wedding game.

Round 16 - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 0. First time we've beaten Gully home and away during the regular season since 1986.

Round 17 - South Melbourne 2 Hume City 0. Running on empty here. Me, not the team. They were still doing OK at this point.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 4 Melbourne Knights 3. Seagulls. So many seagulls.

Round 19 - Northcote City 1 South Melbourne 1. Let's see how the season ends up and then I'll retrospectively allocate the game a plus or minus mark.

Round 20 - Bentleigh Greens 2 South Melbourne 1. Good day, bad night.

Round 21 - Pascoe Vale 0 South Melbourne 3. Played before the Bentleigh game.

Round 22 - South Melbourne 4 Werribee City 0. Could have been a lot more.

Round 23 - Dandenong Thunder 0 South Melbourne 1. Mostly about the 'Sport in Victoria - who's really winning?' forum.

Round 24 - South Melbourne 2 Northcote City 1. Nearly there...

Round 25 - South Melbourne 2 Oakleigh Cannons 2. A glorious dead rubber.

Round 26 - Goulburn Valley Suns 1 South Melbourne 4. One chapter closes, another begins.

NPL national playoff quarter-final - South Hobart 0 South Melbourne 1. Darcy Street is a beautiful football ground.

NPL national playoff semi-final - South Melbourne 1 North Eastern MetroStars 2. A crummy way to end what was a fairly uncrummy season.

2015

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLIES & COMMUNITY SHIELD

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 3 Dandenong City 1. Played out in Somerville. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - Frankston Pines 0 South Melbourne 5. I wasn't there. I was at an Asian Cup match.

Pre-season friendly - Langwarrin 0 South Melbourne 6. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - Kingston City 1 South Melbourne 2. Played at Peninsula (Frankston) Strikers ground. I wasn't there

Pre-season friendly - Springvale White Eagles 1 South Melbourne 5. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 5 Mornington 2. What the game lacked in quality, it made up for in physicality.

Pre-season friendly -  South Melbourne 1 Bulleen Lions 0. Played out in Frankston. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - West Adelaide 2 South Melbourne 1. I wasn't there, but after seeing Syson's pie floater, it didn't bother me so much.

Pre-season friendly - Adelaide Blue Eagles 1 South Melbourne 0. The same link as the previous game How about that?

Community Shield - Melbourne Knights 1 South Melbourne 2. Someone got moderately upset that I didn't mention the terrible music being played in the social club.

NATIONAL PREMIER LEAGUES VICTORIA & DOCKERTY CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - South Melbourne 1 Oakleigh Cannons 0. So what if we didn't 'deserve' to win.

Round 2 - North Geelong 0 South Melbourne 3. Paul sells out, not for the first time.

Round 3 - South Melbourne 5 Dandenong Thunder 0. Played in between the round 12 and 13 games.

Round 4 - Werribee City 1 South Melbourne 2. They're fattening me up for something big, I know it.

Dockerty Cup round 4 - Whittlesea United 0 South Melbourne 5. Back to the old house.

Round 5 - Bentleigh Greens 2 South Melbourne 2. Green everywhere!

Round 6 - Heidelberg United 1 South Melbourne 1. Not enough gas, not enough composure.

Round 7 - Green Gully 0 South Melbourne 2. Nick Epifano (and friends) vs the world.

Round 8 - South Melbourne 2 Melbourne Knights 1. In which we learn that if a Knights fan gets a concussion, they probably shouldn't be asked 'how many fingers am I holding up?'.

Dockerty Cup round 5 - South Melbourne 8 North Sunshine Eagles 0. Special guest match report by Gains, as I was not at the game, what with being busy trying to coax a metaphorical (and insane) cat out of a metaphorical tree.

Round 9 - Hume City 0 South Melbourne 1. Gloriously sub-sophomoric.

Round 10 - South Melbourne 1 Pascoe Vale 0. Move over old man.

Round 11 - Port Melbourne 2 South Melbourne 2. Digressions kept to a minimum.

Round 12 - South Melbourne 1 Avondale Heights 0. In which I completely ignore the fact we wore pink socks.
 
Round 13 - Northcote City 1 South Melbourne 2. Sometimes the world is not exactly as it seems.

Round 14 - Oakleigh Cannons 2 South Melbourne 0. Jack Edwards Reserve is a venue which has improved greatly over the past ten years.

Round 15 - South Melbourne 7 North Geelong 1. In my day, if you wanted praise, you had to earn it.

Dockerty Cup round 6 - South Melbourne 3 Melbourne Knights 1 - That was pretty good.

Round 16 - Dandenong Thunder 0 South Melbourne 1. Forgettable, mostly

Dockerty Cup quarter final - South Melbourne 6 Frankston Pines 1. Some people were happier than others.

Round 17 - South Melbourne 1 Werribee City 0. A real of toss of the coin affair this one.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 0 Bentleigh Greens 1. First home league loss in two years, and who beat us then?

Round 19 - South Melbourne 1 Heidelberg United 2. Ruined by idiots.

Round 20 - South Melbourne 3 Green Gully 2. Not ruined by idiots.

Round 21 - Melbourne Knights 2 South Melbourne 1. Idiots hate getting wet.

Dockerty Cup semi final - South Melbourne 2 Heidelberg United 1. Is there anyone at South who doesn't love the sound of their own voice?

Round 22 - South Melbourne 5 Hume City 2. Played between rounds 24 and 26.

Round 23 - Pascoe Vale 0 South Melbourne 0. No pizza.

FFA Cup round of 32 - Palm Beach Sharks 1 South Melbourne 1 (South lose on penalties) - Go for a walk, get some fresh air, forget for a moment that there ever was a club called South Melbourne Hellas.

Dockerty Cup final - South Melbourne 3 Oakleigh Cannons 0. You can all thank me later for winning a proper trophy as opposed to a piece of plastic that'd you'd be ashamed to win at your midweek division 5 indoor soccer tournament.

Round 24 - South Melbourne 4 Port Melbourne 2. TGIF. Or not.

Round 25 - Avondale Heights 0 South Melbourne 7. Avondale may have a crappy venue, but at least it has a playground!

Round 26 - South Melbourne 3 Northcote City 0. Moral premiers.

NPL Victoria semi final - South Melbourne 3 Pascoe Vale 2. What is it about little clubs compensating with flares?

NPL Victoria grand final - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 3. At least we were petulant in defeat.

NPL national playoffs quarter final - South Melbourne 1 Hobart Olympia 2. Shame, shame, shame.

2016

PRE-SEASON and COMMUNITY SHIELD FIXTURES

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 Box Hill United 2. Triallists, mainly, and three thirty minute thirds.

Pre-season friendly - Bulleen Lions 1 South Melbourne 1. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 Eastern Lions 1. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - Knox City 1 South Melbourne 2.  I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 6 Box Hill United 0. I was there.

Pre-season friendly - Bulleen Lions 2 South Melbourne (?). I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - Port Melbourne 3 South Melbourne 3. Trench digging.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 1 Adelaide Comets 1. They overcooked my pasta. Tsk tsk.

Pre-season friendly - Bendigo City 1 South Melbourne 5. I wasn't there. I think I spy a trend.

Pre-season friendly - Sydney Olympic 0 South Melbourne 0. We lost on penalties or something. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - Sutherland Sharks 2 South Melbourne 0. Wasn't there, but with no Lujic, not like we were going to score anyway.

Community Shield - Bentleigh Greens 3 South Melbourne 0. Thank goodness the season's over.

NATIONAL PREMIER LEAGUES VICTORIA, FFA CUP & DOCKERTY CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - South Melbourne 6 Heidelberg United 0. A hell of a face-turn in progress, maybe.

Round 2 - Northcote City 0 South Melbourne 4. Remember when we used to dread playing this team?

Round 3 - Port Melbourne 0 South Melbourne 2. Come for the view, stay for the ambiance.

Round 4 - Bulleen Lions 2 South Melbourne 2. Fuck you man, I'll skate to the beach!

FFA Cup round 4 - South Melbourne 10 Keysborough 0. The dim sim didn't kill me, but goodness knows it tried.

Round 5 - Richmond 6 South Melbourne 3.  OK, so apparently we suck now. What a relief.

Round 6 - Hume City 1 South Melbourne 2. We're only happy when we lose.

Round 7 - South Melbourne 2 Bentleigh 1. Beating leading sides is the worst, Jerry, the worst!

Round 8 - South Melbourne 4 Oakleigh Cannons 1. Almost entirely lacking in extraneous incidents. Almost.

FFA Cup round 5 - Altona Magic 0 South Melbourne 3. Escape from Paisley Park.

Round 9 - South Melbourne 1 Melbourne Victory Youth 0. In the future, one gets the feeling that a lot more people will have claimed to have been at this game than were actually there.

Round 10 - Avondale Heights 0 South Melbourne 2. So, I basically live at Somers Street now.

Round 11 - Melbourne Knights 2 South Melbourne 5. They laughed at me when I tried to order a lemon, lime and bitters at the Hotel Derrimut.

Round 12 - South Melbourne 0 Pascoe Vale 1. The Curse of Kosta strikes South Melbourne.

Round 13 - Green Gully 0 South Melbourne 1. The return to the scene of the crime.

Round 14 - Heidelberg United 5 South Melbourne 0. Apparently I don't publish comments I don't like.

FFA Cup round 6 - North Geelong 0 South Melbourne 2. A couple of crosses found their mark.

Round 15 - South Melbourne 3 Northcote City 1. The glory of achieving exactly what you set out to do.

Round 16 - South Melbourne 2 Port Melbourne 0. In which the two teams played as warm up act to the headliners.

FFA Cup round 7 - Bentleigh Greens 4 South Melbourne 0. Not pointing the finger at anybody.

Round 17 - South Melbourne 1 Bulleen Lions 0. The difference between turf and plastic.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 3 Richmond 2. We're gonna lose 6-3...

Round 19 - South Melbourne 2 Hume City 2. Still on top at this stage...

Round 20 - Bentleigh Greens 3 South Melbourne 1. Not on top at this stage.

Round 21 - Oakleigh Cannons 4 South Melbourne 3. Falling further behind.

Round 22 - Melbourne Victory 1 South Melbourne 4. Superfluous use of the word flunky.

Round 23 - South Melbourne 1 Avondale Heights 3. This is the worst trip / I've ever been on.

Round 24 - South Melbourne 2 Melbourne Knights 1. The consensus on Clarendon Corner is that Andrew Marth could stand to lose some weight.

Round 25 - Pascoe Vale 1 South Melbourne 4. Too much laughter ends in tears.

Round 26 - South Melbourne 4 Green Gully 2. A fine display of vigorous football.

Elimination final - South Melbourne 3 Hume City 0. Includes a spiel on the last day at Chaplin Reserve.

Semi final - Heidelberg United 1 South Melbourne 2. I complain, but it's mostly for show.

Grand final - South Melbourne 3 Oakleigh Cannons 2. This season could only end up one way.

2017 pre-season friendly played in 2016 - South Melbourne 0 Box Hill United 1. At the top of the November 2016 digest entry.

2017 pre-season friendly played in 2016 - South Melbourne 7 Dandenong City 1. The one where I finally answer how many seats our grandstand has.

2017 pre-season friendly played in 2016 - South Melbourne 3 Kingston City 1 - Dishevelled report.

2017 pre-season friendly played in 2016 - Brunswick City 1 South Melbourne 1. Last hit out for the year,

2017

PRESEASON FRIENDLIES AND COMMUNITY SHIELD

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 5 North Geelong 1. Bloody hot. First hit out for 2017

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 1 Hume City 0. Yeah, nah.

Pre-season friendly - Pascoe Vale 2 South Melbourne 6. Fluency?

Pre-season friendly - Murray United 0 South Melbourne 2. Gin and Solo? Really?

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 1 Canberra Olympic 1. Bonegilla detour.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 0 Richmond 0. So many goals to look at, but also no goals.

Community Shield - Bentleigh Greens 2 South Melbourne 1, During this game, someone told me my early match reports on the blog were shit. I agreed.

Pre-season friendly - Mornington 1 South Melbourne 6. I wasn't there, so I missed the cockatoos.

NATIONAL PREMIER LEAGUES VICTORIA, FFA CUP & DOCKERTY CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - Bulleen Lions 2 South Melbourne 2. The enduring genius of James Joyce.

Round 2 - Port Melbourne 4 South Melbourne 0. Revenge of the rejects.

Round 3 - Avondale Heights 1 South Melbourne 0. Nunawading not even close to the worst side I saw this week.

Round 4 - Heidelberg United 1 South Melbourne 0. Everyone's fault except mine.

Round 5 - St Albans 0 South Melbourne 2. Not very scientific.

FFA Cup round 4 - South Melbourne 2 Eastern Lions 0. Fresh lemons for the picking.

Round 6 - Oakleigh Cannons 1 South Melbourne 0. There's an ocean of tears.

FFA Cup round 5 - Monbulk Rangers 0 South Melbourne 4. The years before our happiness.

Round 7 - Green Gully 4 South Melbourne 4. And moving mountains into that ocean.

Round 8 - South Melbourne 2 North Geelong 1. Won't make that sadness any less.

Round 9 - South Melbourne 2 Melbourne Knights 0. I'm counting the days towards our new construction

Round 10 - South Melbourne 1 Hume City 0. OK, enough with the song lyrics - let's celebrate a typical Chris Taylor scoreline!

FFA Cup round 6 - South Melbourne 2 Box Hill United 1. Not every game, nor every post. is guaranteed to be top-shelf.

Round 11 - South Melbourne 3 Pascoe Vale 0. There will be those who will say that this was not a 3-0 kind of game. They would be wrong.

Round 12 - Bentleigh Greens 0 South Melbourne 0. If Johnny A should be pissed off at anyone, it should be his ill disciplined players, not the officials.

Round 13 - Kingston City 1 South Melbourne 2. Give 'em enough rope, etc

Round 14 - South Melbourne 3 Bulleen Lions 0. No one cared that much about this result.

FFA Cup round 7 - South Melbourne 5 Dandenong City 4. Still incredulous how we all made it to the other side.

Round 15 - South Melbourne 2 Port Melbourne 1. I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am a Hellas fan.

Round 17 - South Melbourne 3 Heidelberg United 0. A perfectly enjoyable evening.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 8 St Albans 1. Boatshow. Just try and look it up.

Dockerty Cup semi-final - South Melbourne 0 Bentleigh Greens 2. Happiness dies in the deep dark sea.

Round 19 - South Melbourne 1 Oakleigh Cannons 0. My friend works for the National Health, Dr Aki.

Round 20 - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 2. Walking away in a huff at another Collingwood error, as seen on the big screen in the social club.

Round 21 - North Geelong 1 South Melbourne 5. I was born in this spot and I'll die in this spot.

Round 22 - Melbourne Knights 0 South Melbourne 2. Go to hell Coke Zero.

Round 23 - Hume City 1 South Melbourne 2. Oy my god, who the hell cares.

FFA Cup Round of 32 - South Melbourne 1 Edgeworth Eagles 0. I'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope we've passed the audition

Round 24 - Pascoe Vale 2 South Melbourne 0. I think everyone could see something like this coming.

Round 16 - South Melbourne 0 Avondale 2. I momentarily snap.

Round 25 - South Melbourne 2 Bentleigh Greens 0. You do the crime, you do the time.

Round 26 - South Melbourne 2 Kingston City 3. Hope, greatest curse of Pandora.

FFA Cup Round of 16 - South Melbourne 4 Sorrento 1. What do you mean 'you people'?

Semi-final - South Melbourne 2 Bentleigh Greens 2 (South lose 5-3 on penalties). Wasn't gonna happen any other way.

Closed doors friendly - South Melbourne 0 Melbourne Victory 1. I was not there nor was I invited. This match was held partly in preparation for our FFA Cup match against Gold Coast City.

FFA Cup quarter final - Gold Coast City 0 South Melbourne 6. This season just will not end, but at least everyone seems to be enjoying it again.

FFA Cup semi-final - South Melbourne 1 Sydney FC 5. Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friend, then let's keep dancing.

2018 pre-season friendly played in 2017 - South Melbourne 3 Sunshine George Cross 0.

2018 pre-season friendly played in 2017 - Langwarrin 2 South Melbourne 3. I wasn't there.

2018

PRESEASON FRIENDLIES

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 1 Dandenong Thunder 0. Shh, it's a secret.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 4 Myrtleford Savoy 0. An anonymous poster left a comment saying that I need to get a girlfriend. If I had feelings, they would've been so hurt.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 3 Port Melbourne 2. Don't worry, be happy.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 1 Oakleigh Cannons 2. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 0 Northcote City 0. Who remembers anything in the post-AGM blur?

Pre-season friendly - Springvale White Eagles 3 South Melbourne 5. I wasn't there. Chris Taylor's last game in charge.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 1 Guangzhou R&F 4. Closed doors, I wasn't there. Sasa Kolman took over from here on in I guess.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 3 Guangzhou R&F 0. I wasn't there, doesn't stop me writing about it though.

NATIONAL PREMIER LEAGUES VICTORIA & DOCKERTY CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - Bulleen Lions 1 South Melbourne 1. No one cares about this blog, unless someone's being burned at the stake. Sad but true.

Round 2 - Dandenong Thunder 0 South Melbourne 9. Always someone complaining. Usually me.

Round 3 - Oakleigh Cannons 4 South Melbourne 1. Don't you know, it's the end of the world...

Round 4 - Pascoe Vale 2 South Melbourne 2. "I would've taken a draw before the game, but not like this". - "Psile".

Round 5 - Northcote City 3 South Melbourne 2. Oh, it's getting bad now.

FFA Cup Round 4 - Hume City 1 South Melbourne 0. There go our A-League dreams, again.

Round 6 - Melbourne Knights 3 South Melbourne 2. This had a retro feel that I didn't much care for.

Round 7 - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 1. Every ice-cream and gelato that guy sold was lopsided.

Round 8 - Hume City 0 South Melbourne 1. Public transport gets from point A to to point B, and on weekends, to point C.

Round 9 - Heidelberg United 0 South Melbourne 0. Game abandoned with 15 minutes having been played after Heidelberg player Harry Noon was impaled by a corner flag.

Round 10 - South Melbourne 0 Green Gully 3. Relentless optimism is the best optimism.

Round 11 - Kingston City 0 South Melbourne 2. Josh wrote the in person bit, me the at the home bit.

Round 12 - South Melbourne 0 Avondale 3. A nearly 35 year old man is still talking about Daria.

Round 13 - Port Melbourne 4 South Melbourne 2. There are positives in there, somewhere. Also I sell out, sorta.

Round 14 - South Melbourne 1 Bulleen Lions 2. Seven seconds.

Round 15 - South Melbourne 4 Dandenong Thunder 0. Cherish these moments, they are fleeting.

Round 16 - South Melbourne 0 Oakleigh Cannons 1. Goat meat.

Round 17 - South Melbourne 2 Pascoe Vale 3. Sasa Kolman resigned after this game.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 1 Northcote City 1. There is such a thing as too much fighting for the club.

Round 19 - South Melbourne 5 Melbourne Knights 1. That they didn't care matters less than the fact that we did.

Round 20 - Bentleigh Greens 0 South Melbourne 1. Three and a half hour round trip worth it for once.

Round 21 - South Melbourne 2 Hume City 1. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, just ahead of other
clubs.

Round 22 - South Melbourne 1 Heidelberg United 3. Let's try and keep this sophisticated.

Round 23 - Green Gully 2 South Melbourne 3. Good vibes after this game. That didn't last.

Round 24 - South Melbourne 1 Kingston City 4. Could've salvaged our season here, but it's more fun to destroy ourselves.

Round 9 (replay) - Heidelberg United 4 South Melbourne 2. Includes chat about dormant South fan Ian Syson's book.

Round 25 - Avondale 6 South Melbourne 2. Apparently betting on this game was stopped for some reason.

Round 26 - South Melbourne 0 Port Melbourne 1. Safe.

2019 pre-season friendly played in 2018 - South Melbourne 4 Moreland City 0. Guest report by behind closed doors disrespector Josh.

2019 pre-season friendly played in 2018 - South Melbourne ??? Altona Magic "at least 3". Another pseudo behind closed-doors game which I didn't go to.

2019 pre-season friendly played in 2018 - Heidelberg United 1 South Melbourne 4. With thanks to Nick for letting us know some of what happened out at Broadmeadows.

2019

PRESEASON FRIENDLIES

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 4 Box Hill United 3. Slippery DISC!

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 St Albans 3 - another mystery game. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 3 Green Gully 3. yet another mystery game. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 4 Whittlesea Ranges 2. I was not there. I was at the baseball.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 5 Northcote City 3. Oh boy, sunburn city,

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 1 Port Melbourne 1. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - Brunswick City 2 South Melbourne 5. No sunburn today, hooray!

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 3 Manningham United Blues 3. Sweet beanie victory.

Pre-season friendly - West Adelaide 0 South Melbourne 2. Good thing I didn't go, because someone tells me the public transport isn't very safe there.

NATIONAL PREMIER LEAGUES VICTORIA & DOCKERTY CUP FIXTURES

Round 1 - Bentleigh Greens 3 South Melbourne 1. Everyone felt great after this.

Round 2 - South Melbourne 1 Dandenong City 0. Where is the pretzel money? And so on, and so forth.

Round 3 - Port Melbourne 1 South Melbourne 2. It's meant to be a winter sport.

Round 4 - Avondale 4 South Melbourne 0. Stay at home, forever.

Round 5 - Kingston City 1 South Melbourne 0. I could be wrong, I could be right.

Round 6 - Pascoe Vale 2 South Melbourne 0. I'm probably wrong.

Round 7 - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 1. Con Tangalakis' resigned after this game.

Round 8 - Melbourne Knights 0 South Melbourne 1. We're into double digit points territory!

Round 9 - South Melbourne 0 Hume City 2. Reports, reports, reports.

FFA Cup Round 4 - South Melbourne 1 Essendon Royals 0. First win over the Royals at Lakeside.

Round 10 - Dandenong Thunder 2 South Melbourne 2. Could've won. Didn't.

Round 11 - South Melbourne Oakleigh Cannons 2. At least Milos didn't score.

FFA Cup Round 5 - Doveton 0 South Melbourne 1. Recruiting, South Melbourne style.

Round 12 - Altona Magic 1 South Melbourne 2. A league win at Paisley Park!

Round 13 - Heidelberg United 1 South Melbourne 3. Better against 11 than 9.

FFA Cup Round 6 - South Melbourne 2 Langwarrin 1. Set up the predictable draw for the next round.

Round 14 - South Melbourne 3 Bentleigh Greens 2. The thing about good form is that you never know when it's going to end.

Round 15 - Dandenong City 3 South Melbourne 0. 14k can buy you good players, but not class.

Round 16 - South Melbourne 2 Port Melbourne 1. Made my commentary debut.

FFA Cup Round 7 - Melbourne Knights 4 South Melbourne 2. Gifting fat bastards hattricks seems counter-productive.

Round 17 - South Melbourne 0 Avondale 3. Take it on the chin.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 0 Kingston City 2. Even worse than last year.

Round 19 - South Melbourne 1 Pascoe Vale 0. Deserved it only insofar as we scored and they didn't.

Round 20 - Green Gully 0 South Melbourne 0. Surprisingly good to the point that we left disappointed.

Round 21 - South Melbourne 1 Melbourne Knights 1. That was a very happy opening 14 seconds.

Round 22 - Hume City 3 South Melbourne 1. Matcha Pocky was the highlight, which is saying a lot.

Round 23 - South Melbourne 3 Dandenong Thunder 0. Safety achieved earlier than last year.

Round 24 - Oakleigh Cannons 4 South Melbourne 1. At least Milos didn't score against us this season.

Round 25 - South Melbourne 2 Altona Magic 0. Needed more tasering.

Round 26 - South Melbourne 0 Heidelberg United 3. So bad, I didn't even add it to this registry until 2020.

2020

PRESEASON FRIENDLIES

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 Northcote City 0. Goodbye dad.

NPL VICTORIA

Round 1 - South Melbourne 0 Heidelberg United 3. Wage theft scandal!

Round 2 - South Melbourne 5 Eastern Lions 2. Better than a kick in the head, marginally.

Round 3 - Oakleigh Cannons 0 South Melbourne 0. Acceptable boredom, just.

Round 4 - Port Melbourne 1 South Melbourne 1. More decay.

Round 5 - Altona Magic 1 South Melbourne 1. Now this stuff really doesn't matter.

2021 pre-season friendly played in 2020 - South Melbourne 2 Manningham United Blues 0. Closed doors, I wasn't there.

2021 pre-season friendly played in 2020 - South Melbourne 1 Hume City 0. Youthful squad, closed doors, I wasn't there.

2021 pre-season friendly played in 2020 - Dandenong Thunder 0 South Melbourne 0. Blustery conditions, open doors, I wasn't there.

2021 pre-season friendly played in 2020 - South Melbourne 3 Eastern Lions 2. Youthful squad, closed doors, I wasn't there,

2021

PRESEASON FRIENDLIES

Pre-season friendly - Goulburn Valley Suns 0 South Melbourne 3. Shepparton at 11:00am on a Saturdya. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - Kingston City 0 South Melbourne 3. Beating up on the lower tier teams I see. No, I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 0 Green Gully 1. Closed doors, closed, hearts? I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 2 Northcote City 1. I wasn't there.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 3 Avondale 2. Nope, not there either.

Pre-season friendly  - South Melbourne 1 Melbourne Knights 0. Nyet.

Pre-season friendly - Casey Comets 0 South Melbourne 2. What do you think?

Pre-season friendly - St Albans 1 South Melbourne 0. Yes!

NPL Victoria

Round 1 - Heidelberg United 0 South Melbourne 1. Maybe we should relocate to Oakleigh fulltime. 

Round 2 - South Melbourne 1 Eastern Lions 1. There is such a thing as taking an opponent not lightly enough.

Round 3 - Oakleigh Cannons 1 South Melbourne 1. I watched this from home, the next day, and was still disappointed like you wouldn't believe.

Round 4 - Port Melbourne 1 South Melbourne 1. Pomegranates are an irritating fruit.

Round 5 - Altona Magic 1 South Melbourne 4. Pity the poor fools who missed what will probably be our best performance for the year.

Round 6 - South Melbourne 1 Dandenong Thunder 0. Top of the what?

FFA Cup Round 4 - Werribee City 0 South Melbourne 6. The game before the inevitable fixture against Melbourne Knights.

Round 7 - Green Gully 0 South Melbourne 1. Music at games gets out of hand.

Round 8 - South Melbourne 2 St Albans 0. And up, and up, and up!

Round 9 - Dandenong City 1 South Melbourne 1. Well, it was entertaining at least.

Round 10 - South Melbourne 2 Hume City 1. Guest report by Gains.

FFA Cup Round 5 - South Melbourne 1 Melbourne Knights 1 - South wins 4-1 on penalties.

Round 11 - Melbourne Knights 1 South Melbourne 0. Apparently this needed more women.

Round 12 - Avondale 2 South Melbourne 0. Edible but overrated cannoli.

Round 13 - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 1. (isolated vocal) Yeah!

Round 17- South Melbourne 0 Port Melbourne 1. Losing to goal of the year only small consolation.

FFA Cup Round 6 - South Melbourne 2 Eastern Lions 1. Filth.

Round 18 - South Melbourne 1 Altona Magic 2. Worse was to come.

Round 19 - Dandenong Thunder 4 South Melbourne 1. The "evolution of the idea" needs some devolution.

FFA Cup Round 7 - Oakleigh Cannons 0 South Melbourne 0. South wins 6-5 on penalties.

Round 20 - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 1. Another day, another goal via a penalty.

Round 23 - Hume City 1 South Melbourne 1. Why score more goals when you can score one?

Dockerty Cup Semi Final - Hume City 3 South Melbourne 2. Back to the plan of signing players who score against us.

2022 pre-season friendly played in 2021 - 

FFA Cup Round of 32 - South Melbourne 0 Melbourne City 3. A terribly social affair.

2022 pre-season friendly played in 2021. St Albans 0 South Melbourne 0. Only the sickest of the sick go to these things, and I'm not as sick as I used to be,

2022

Pre-season friendly - Mornington 0 South Melbourne 7. Esteban offered me a lift to the game, but I had other plans anyway.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 4 Brunswick City 0. There, I was not.

Pre-season friendly - Pascoe Vale 2 South Melbourne 6. I was not there.

Pre-season friendly - Dandenong Thunder 0 South Melbourne 4. I was there, just.

Pre-season friendly - South Melbourne 5 Manningham United Blues 0. Could that bassoon have come in any later? I wasn't there.

2023

Round 1 - South Melbourne 2 Moreland City 1. Back again.

Round 2 - Green Gully 1 South Melbourne 3. Can't lose here anymore.

Round 3 - South Melbourne 2 Melbourne Knights 1. One for Martin, two for Martin.

Round 4 - Dandenong Thunder 0 South Melbourne 1. You thought the NCIP was dead? Think again.

Round 5 - South Melbourne 0 Heidelberg United. Resting on your laurels will do that.

Round 6 - St Albans 0 South Melbourne 1. That point in the year where we end St Albans' season.

Round 7 - Oakleigh Cannons 0 South Melbourne 1. Smash and/or grab.

Round 8 - Hume City 0 South Melbourne 0.  Garbage. Thank goodness I stayed at home. 

Australia Cup Round 4 - South Melbourne 3 Kngston City 4. Holy trinity not enough.

Round 9 - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 0. Tell me, why should I watch this?

Round 10 - South Melbourne 5 Port Melbourne 2. Joyful.

Round 11 - South Melbourne 5 Altona Magic 1. Wonderful.

Round 12 - South Melbourne 3 Avondale 0. Astonishingly competent.

Round 13 - South Melbourne 2 North Geelong 1. Very relaxed.

Round 14 - Moreland City 0 South Melbourne 2. Killing time.

Round 15 - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully. Begrudgingly

Round 16 - Melbourne Knights 1 South Melbourne 2. Nunawading Knights.

Round 17 - South Melbourne 3 Dandenong Thunder 2. Δευτέ Λάβετε Φως.

Round 19 - South Melbourne 4 St Albans 0. Fish, barrel, etc

Round 20 - South Melbourne 0 Oakleigh Cannons 2. Parking PTSD.

Round 21 - South Melbourne 2 Hume City 2. Let us never speak of the Yarraville stint again.

Round 22 - Bentleigh Greens 0 South Melbourne. Good riddance to this ground.

Round 23 - Port Melbourne 0 South Melbourne 4. Public transport is for chumps.

Round 24 - Altona Magic 1 South Melbourne 4. Not the same without a functioning refinery.

Round 25 - Avondale 2 South Melbourne 1. Apparently you can get off the tram one stop earlier.

Round 18 - Heidelberg United 2 South Melbourne 1. A good thing that no one was watching

Round 26 - North Geelong South Melbourne 2. Why go, when you can not?

Semi Final - South Melbourne 2 Oakleigh Cannons 1. Something small to hang our hats on for 2023.

Grand Final - Avondale 4 South Melbourne 0. Apt, in its own way.