November 2015 digest

Social club and Lakeside lease saga
Unresolved. And what's worse, none of the important people I tweeted yesterday asking what's going on have seen fit to respond.

So @LAthanasakis, @MartinFoleyMP, @tom_kalas, @sthmel, @johnerenmp, @rwynnemp, any news on the @smfc Lakeside lease issue?

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) November 29, 2015

Look, I know it's a slightly informal way of going about things, but I thought I'd save myself the postage and make use of the wonderful internet we have in Australia. Have I been blacklisted like the Kiss of Death? I hope not - I thought we were all friends. Maybe big news is just around the corner? Or are they looking for a way to tell us we're only going to get 21 years and not 40?

Season 2016 start date
NPL Victoria's 2016 season will begin on the weekend February 19th/20th/21st/22nd.

Trip to Sydney in 2016?
There has been talk from both South Melbourne and Sydney Olympic folk that South will be making a trip to Sydney in either late January or early February to play Sydney Olympic in some pre-season fixtures. 

I've also come across a rumour that Olympic may also head down to Melbourne for some pre-season fixtures, but that has not been corroborated yet.

South Melbourne in the National Youth League?
An article by Mike Cockerill on the revamped and cut down NYL seemed to slip under the radar somewhat, at least as far as it concerns South Melbourne. To a degree, that's understandable - having being split into two five team conferences, it's merely another step in the process where youth football is done as cheaply as possible by most of the franchises, by dumping them in the state NPL systems. The best playing the best? Hardly. 

But more to the point, Cockerill makes this observation about where such a two conference, cost cutting summer NYL system may end up:

According to the grapevine, NPL clubs like South Melbourne, Blacktown City, Perth SC, Gold Coast City (replacing Palm Beach Sharks) and Wollongong Wolves, as well as state federation-funded entities Tasmania United and Canberra United, are also exploring their NYL options.

So, does Cockerill's rumour have any validity? I don't know, but if it does, it will be a situation which will no doubt serve to spread division and hatred throughout our membership. Which, to be fair, is as things should be at our club, but you have to wonder if too much self-loathing can be fattening and therefore dangerous to your health. Anyway, if there was a chance for our boys to take part in the NYL as South Melbourne, for me it'd be a good thing - you'd hope that at the very least it would help attract and keep talented youth players at our club instead of having piss off to other teams. That, and it'd be just going back to what we had in the NSL anyways, except this time we'd be the state league club with delusions of grandeur.

The (re-)construction of Ange Postecoglou
I don't know why Australian Story has introductions to their episodes. Unless you're adding genuinely adding something to the experience, in the manner of the legendary Des Mangan, I don't really see the point. As for Santo Cilauro's comment on the game in Australia being called 'soccer' by the unconverted, there's about 50 million things wrong with the question is where would you start?

I did have to laugh at the mention of 'lead, follow, or get out of the way', but you would too if you had seen Idiocracy; the use of Fleetwood Mac's 'Tusk' by comparison for the intro music is just confusing, unless they only wanted for its tribal rhythm. And then there's Les Murray, talking about the reason for the existence of ethnic soccer clubs in Australia - first and foremost, they are used as a refuge by people in a strange land. A refuge is one thing, but surely there were also people at these clubs who maybe liked soccer? Because soccer is not the only avenue for safely expressing Greekness, or Italianess or whatever the case may be?

But at least Les has the right to make that judgement by virtue of once upon a time spending much of his spare and working time in around ethnic soccer clubs. In contrast, I'm less sold on the notion that Francis Leach knows squat about Greek football, let alone the squalid third division cesspool that Panachaiki were in at the time and the circumstances in which Ange found himself there, and then found himself leaving.

The main thing that I took out of this show was how Ange's character was portrayed as some sort of lone wolf; a pioneer who, if not quite coming out of nowhere, had few antecedents or direct influences. Anything that may have influenced him was almost limited to the environment he was in, and even that took a secondary role compared to his own drive to succeed. It's hard to know if the show took the direction it did because of Ange himself, or perhaps more likely, the production team generally had not very much knowledge of Australian soccer and thus skewed the final edit in that direction.

At the beginning, there is Ange's father and his love for his son and the sport; but there are no mentions of Ferenc Puskas, or Len McKendry, or Frank Arok, or even George Vasilopoulos, the bloke who gave him the South job because he was the least expensive of the suitable candidates available for the job. Ange claims, quite fairly, that his own interest in the game is to see attacking football - but how did he come to that conclusion? Was it not influenced in some part by the expectations that South Melbourne Hellas fans had of South Melbourne Hellas teams? Was not a huge part of the joy of the 1984 and 1991 teams their free-wheeling, free scoring manner? In Joe Gorman's article on South Melbourne and Middle Park, Ange doesn't shy away from acknowledging the impact of playing under Puskas (as well as being his interpreter).

The second, post-Australian youth teams era of Ange Postecoglou is remarkable in terms of succeeding to a large degree on his own terms, but also for having now no (obvious) mentors, and no patronage. But that question of soccer lineage remains frustratingly out of reach. Here's one of the chief links between old soccer and new football, and yet there's nothing made of that. Instead the image is of a sort of compulsive loner, sitting at a computer for hours looking for obscure Australian talent; a man who once read everything to do with soccer because of his love of the game, but who now is interested if not more so by books or management - something which you would not learn from this doco, but rather the first edition of Leopold Method.

Player movements and contract statuses
Confirmation this month that forward David Stirton is on his way to Port Melbourne. Meanwhile, back up goalie Fraser MacLaren has joined Dandenong Thunder. He has been replaced by Thunder keeper Zaim Zeneli, back for his second stint at the club. Hume City midfielder and former South junior (and two game senior player) Marcus Schroen has also joined South. Never did quite find out how that happened when Hume were supposed to have signed him for next year.

@CornerFlagOz @NPLVic_Football @smfc What happened to Schroen re-signing with @FCHumeCity? https://t.co/XyvJ1E1ANb pic.twitter.com/X6VRFteBgq

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) November 11, 2015

We've also signed former Wellington Phoenix midfielder Jason Hicks, and utility Matthew Foschini, most recently of Oakleigh Cannons. South fans with razor sharp memories will recall that Foschini was listed as part of the 2009 squad, but disappeared soon thereafter. No word on any potential forward recruits. By the time of the next monthly update, the squad will have begun its pre-season regime.

• Kristian Konstantinidis (reportedly signed up for 2016)
• Luke Adams (reportedly signed up for 2016)
• Cody Martindale (reportedly signed up for 2016)
• Nick Epifano is contracted until the end of 2016.
• Iqi Jawadi is contracted until the end of 2016.
• Michael Eagar is contracted until the end of 2016.
• Milos Lujic is contracted until the end of 2016.
• Leigh Minopoulos is contracted until the end of 2016.
• Tim Mala is contracted until the end of 2016.
• Chris Irwin has a two year contract with the club; it is unclear whether that contract finishes at the end of 2016, or 2017.
• Stephen Hatzikostas is contracted until the end of 2017.
• Brad Norton is contracted until the end of 2017.
• Luke Eyles been signed until the end of the 2017 season.
• Chris Taylor has a long term contract with the club, believed to be five years.

Players signed until the end of the 2015 season.

• Matty Theodore
• Nikola Roganovic
• Andy Kecojevic

Players with unknown contract statuses

• Jake Barker-Daish

Gone

• Andy Bevin (Team Wellington)
• Thomas Lakic (Oakleigh Cannons)
• Fraser MacLaren (Dandenong Thunder)
• Dane Milovanovic (Hong Kong Pegasus)
• Nick Morton (returned to South Hobart)
• David Stirton (Port Melbourne)

In

• Zaim Zeneli
• Marcus Shroen
• Jason Hicks
• Matthew Foschini

Meanwhile, in 'Internet is Serious Business'...

Ah yeah ! Achievement unlocked ! Ole ! @PaveJusup @PaulMavroudis pic.twitter.com/i8mrs6RGC2

— KissOfDeathFootball (@KODFootball) November 26, 2015

Kiss of Death, round 5, 2015

Friday 20th March, 8:15PM, Bentleigh Greens vs South Melbourne. Kingston Heath Soccer Complex

South to regain their rightful place on top of the table. Everyone praises Bentleigh. Bentleigh this, Benteigh that. They had a run last year in the FFA Cup, but never played anyone of note until the end. Yeah, that’s right kolofardoi, you played NO ONE. But you will be playing someone better than all those teams put together. SMFC Team of the Century. SMFC doesn’t lose to shit teams like Bentleigh. No Kristian Konstandinidis, he’s out for the season. Tim ‘shame on you’ Mala should be back after last week's break. Bentleigh to as usual, make out they’re a powerhouse. Fools! Bentleigh Greens 0 – South Melbourne 2.

Friday 20th March, 8:30PM, Melbourne Knights vs Dandenong Thunder, Knights Stadium

The Knights are on a roll, and I'm not talking cevapi roll either. Unbeaten in all competitions so far, this is their best start in a while. Dandenong was knocked out last weekend in the FFA Cup, and will be looking to bounce back and get something from the Knights. They won’t be able to. The Knights will be too good. Barisic on fire, there’s nothing stopping them now (until they play South). Melbourne Knights 3 – Dandenong Thunder 0.

Friday 20th March, 8:30PM, Pascoe Vale vs Oakleigh Cannons, CB Smith Reserve

Pascoe Vale vs the 0-12 vs Corio Oakeigh Cannons. What a machine of a team. What a world beater. The Galacticos. Six points away from the finals series, and ten points away from the championship, they can already write off the season. They score 12 against Corio in FFA Cup, but in two NPL games they have zero points. Emergency situation down at the Cannons now. They have been called, ‘Le Bleu’, ‘Chelsea’ and 'Galacticos' by those ignorant fools in the Greek media. The constant daisy chaining, gloryholeing, and overall bukkakeing of this team by some people is a disgrace. They have won zero. Pascoe Vale is also sitting down the bottom, last actually, but I'm leaning towards them, because so far, they have scored more goals than Oakleigh, and that’s a good thing, isn’t it?  

Pascoe Vale 1 – Oakleigh Cannons 0.

Saturday 21st March, 3:00PM Avondale FC vs Heidelberg United, Doyle Street Reserve

This one should be an exciting match. Bergers are doing well, and shouldn’t have an issue discarding of Avondale. Avondale FC 0 – Heidelberg United 2.

Saturday 21st March, 5:00PM, Northcote City vs Port Melbourne Sharks, John Cain Memorial Park

Ahhhh, Northcote, Northcote, Northcote. Struggling big time boys, eh? What’s the problem this year? Is it the coach? Is it the committee? Is it the lack of funds? Are you in a rebuilding phase Ummm, what other excuses can we come up with, eh? Leave us alone. The consensus in the Greek footballing community is that Northcote has had its day and are now on the decline. The glory days of a few years ago are over. Start thinking of, I dunno, anything but football. How about becoming a backgammon club or something? Port Melbourne, wow. This derby is of two teams which I absolutely do not have time for. The crowd will be in the vicinity of about 67 people. These two teams have nothing to do with the history of themselves prior to 2004. Northcote City 1 – Port Melbourne 2.

Saturday 21st March, 6:00PM, Hume City vs North Geelong Warriors, Broadmeadows Valley Park

Tasty match this one. North Geelong is causing surprises and have probably the hardest start to the season for any newly promoted team. They aren’t too bad as I predicted in my round 1 review. Hume is doing pretty poorly considering their signings. Hume City 1 – North Geelong Warriors 3.

Monday 23rd March, 8:30PM, Green Gully vs Werribee City, Green Gully Reserve

Green Gully will be too experienced for Werribee. Now some of you smartarses will say, they were also too experienced for North Geelong, but they copped six. Yeah, that’s true, but North Geelong is a quality outfit with a bright future. Werribee is not. Green Gully 3 – Werribee City 0.

Canteen serving etiquette - Kiss of Death, round 4, 2015

Friday 6th March @ 8:30PM, Pascoe Vale vs Northcote City, CB Smith Reserve
Probably the hardest game to pick. Both teams are yet to collect any points and are down the bottom. The Knights beat Northcote 2-0 and Pascoe Vale were unlucky against Port. Northcote need to win to get off the bottom, but Pascoe Vale has probably been the better team out of the two. I am yet to receive any signals from the Gods on this one, and no planets are aligning this week. This is purely a guess. Pascoe Vale 2 – Northcote City 1.

Saturday 7th March @ 3:00PM, Avondale FC vs Port Melbourne. Avondale Heights Reserve
Another difficult one. Although Port is up there sitting second, they haven’t really impressed. Avondale on the other hand have performed well but haven’t had the killer instinct. Port is due to start crumbling soon, and Avondale must win in order to have any chance of staying up. I reckon Port has this one by an arse hair. Will be close. Avondale FC 1 – Port Melbourne 2.

Saturday 7th March @ 5:00PM, North Geelong vs Melbourne Knights, Elcho Park
The sister club derby. North Geelong played well against South, for the first 20 minutes anyway, and that was it. The Knights were convincing over Northcote and now sit top of the table. Probably the best result for the Warriors at this time of the season would be a draw. But unfortunately their sister club will be too good for them. In all honesty, if a second gear South can beat them 0-3, then an i nform Knights theoretically can hammer them. But that wont happen. It will be a respectable loss.
North Geelong Warriors 1 – Melbourne Knights 3.

Saturday 7th March @ 7:00PM, Dandenong Thunder vs Green Gully, George Andrews Reserve
Dandy had a 1-2 loss against a ten man Bentleigh, after the storm that swept through Melbourne last week turned off the lights with five minutes to go. As over 80% of the match was already played, the result stands. Ten man Green Gully had an excellent win over Oakleigh and that has them in third position. This is also a difficult one to call. If it wasn’t Andy Vargas who got sent off, then I’d pick Gully [it was Roddy; Andy's retired. Ed.]. But we all know that Vargas is a key player. Dandy would be fuming after last week, and I think they will the collect three points. Dandy Thunder 2 – Green Gully 0.

Sunday 8th March @ 3:00PM, Werribee City vs South Melbourne, Galvin Park
The match of the round again! South got the result at North Geelong, and Werribee made it very hard for Heidelberg, squeezing them all over that small fucken park. Why do you arseholes play all the teams on that smaller ground eh? Play everyone on the main pitch, not that crappy one. The FFV needs to step in here and make sure pissy little clubs like Werribee nominate one pitch and use it for the whole season, just like every other club0! The sooner you clowns get relegated, the better! South is going to come to your ground and once again, give you a football lesson. South is getting better by the week, and to be honest this fixturing suits us. We should be hitting form by about now, and I'm sure CT has them all worked up, like rabid greyhounds waiting to jump onto that bunny! We are South Melbourne, Team of the Century, we don’t lose to teams like fucken Werribee! Werribee City 0 – South Melbourne 5.

Sunday 8th March @ 4:00PM, Heidelberg United vs Bentleigh Greens, Olympic Village
The Bergers struggled against the odds at Werribee last week with a very late winner. Bentleigh was and wasn’t comfortable at Dandenong. Both teams with a full collection of points for the moment. Another difficult one! Webster being sent off for Bentleigh will hurt them, and will also be the deal breaker in this one. Heidelberg United 2 – Bentleigh Greens 0.

Sunday 8th March @ 5:15PM, Oakleigh Cannons vs Hume City, Jack Edwards Reserve
HAHA Oakleigh. COOOOOO-EEEEEEEEE! The Galacticos aren’t doing well at all. Really struggling so far. Hume is one & one. Hume is yet to convince anybody of their recruitment drive, while Oakleigh is still hoping to one day stick a trophy in that dusty cabinet. Will probably be the scrappiest game of the round. I wouldn’t bother even going. Oakleigh Cannons 2 – Hume City 0.

Twitter Chatter
I was added to some twitter garbage this week in relation to how drinks can be sold at grounds. Cans, bottles, plastic cups etc, etc. A very interesting conversation. I was sent an email about four years ago from a fan of the blog in relation to this. Read the two emails below, first up the initial email.

From: xxxxxxxxSent: 03,2011To: FFVSubject: Bar sales 

Hello. 

I can't find for the life of me in the Rules of Competition or the GDT By-Laws, the rules relating to the sale of drinks from the bar. 

Specifically how must they be sold? Bottles, Cans, Plastic Cups? 

Can someone please point me in the correct direction.

This was the FFV's response.

From: xxxxxx@footballfedvic.com.au
Date: 03,2011
Subject: RE: Bar sales
To: xxxxxxxx 

Hi xxxxxxx, 

At the moment there are no specific FFV rules regarding how to serve alcohol. We are in the process of working on a serving of alcohol policy but in the meantime we would highly recommend serving in plastic cups. 

I hope this helps. 

Regards xxxxx

A few points about this reply. No one has ever seen a ‘serving of alcohol’ policy, and what the FFV recommends is pretty much garbage.

What gets under my bonnet is when the smartarse behind the counter cracks open your can of drink. It’s like, hey wog, wtf are you doing eh? Your fingers are all greasy from that shit you're cooking and now I have to put my lips on that can. This whole opening the can does my balls. I don’t see the point of it to be honest. Because like, yeah, an opened can cannot travel as far as a sealed can when thrown. Yeah great theory, dickheads!

Then you go to other grounds and the bitch behind the counter is a fucken smartarse who cracks open your Gatorade and keeps the lid. When you question why, she throws the ‘that’s the FFV rules’, Well like fuck it is you fucking goose! I refuse to have any of my drinks poured into plastic. As soon as they get that plastic cup and start pouring, I just don’t pay. Frankly I couldn’t give a flying fuck, but out of principle I want to have it how it's packaged.

Not because some power tripping bitch working on cash money tries to dictate to me what’s right and what’s wrong. Beer OK. I can understand glass bottles being put in plastic, but I won’t accept a can. Then you have other places where the person serving you has no gloves, is handling money and food with the same hand, then they wonder why people get fucken sick! There are a handful of grounds where I outright refuse to eat from. The health certificates from the local councils are pretty much just there for show, with some dating back to 1998 if you look closely. At least I can say that my arsehole goes home intact and I don’t have to worry about a shitter on the way home.

Club Gripe
Where is my sticker from my membership pack!

Black rice and a beer - Kiss of Death, round 2, 2015

Friday 27th February, Port Melbourne vs Pascoe Vale @ 8:30, SS Anderson Reserve
Port Melbourne walloped Hume City 1-3 and Pascoe Vale copped three against the Bergers. Now, let’s not look too much into Port's win. They’re a bunch of men who played a very raw bunch of boys. Yeah three goals is good, but really, look at the quality of your opposition. Pascoe at least can say, we played a decent team and yeah, OK, we copped three. Will be a very interesting match, and from my view a very difficult one to call. Port are usually good starters 'til around round four, then they fade out. Pascoe take a while to start playing OK football. Based purely on that fact and nothing else, Port should win this one. Port Melbourne 2 – Pascoe Vale 1.

Friday 27th February, Melbourne Knights vs Northcote City @ 8:30, Knights StadiumThe Knights had a woeful first half last week against Avondale, but found their feet in the second half to win 3-1. Northcote City had a tough first outing at Green Gully and got hammered 4-1. The Knights need to realise that football is a game of 90 minutes, not 45. They had a brain fade in the second half vs South in the Community Shield, and a brain fade against Avondale in the first half last week. Northcote played more than half the match at Gully with 10 men, in what my sources tell me was a yellow card at worst. Yeah, you could say unlucky, but then again, they were at an unforgiving Gully. If the Knights are able to concentrate for 90 minutes, then they should have no issue disposing of Northcote. Melbourne Knights 2 – Northcote City 0.

Saturday 28th February, Green Gully vs Oakleigh Cannons @ 3:00, Green Gully Reserve
Gully hammered Northcote 4-1, and Oakleigh as expected lost to South Melbourne 1-0. Gully were clinical against Northcote. Haven’t heard any rave reviews about them yet, and I’m not going to kick that off. Oakleigh though, well, are they better than last year? No. I think they have too many egos this year. They were OK against South, but weren’t threatening. They will be looking to bounce back against Green Gully, but Gully is on a high. They will be too good. Green Gully 2 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.

Saturday 28th February, North Geelong vs South Melbourne @ 5:00, Elcho Park
Match of the round! North Geelong had a bit of a trip down to Bentleigh last week and left empty handed. South was at home in their plush surroundings by the lake and had an OK win against Oakleigh. Although unconvincing last week, South still is the team of the century and we don’t lose to teams like North Geelong. South needs to improve. We weren’t the best and were playing with fire towards the end. Nikola Roganovic was brilliant. Kept us in it with three magical saves in the last ten minutes. News has it that Peter Gavalas will be out for another five weeks. If Nikola has a ripper next 5 weeks, then Petey will be warming the bench. Regardless, we are human too, and we wish Peter Gavalas a speedy recovery. My only concern with South is Dane Milovanovic who looks like a goose, and gets lost in the midfield, and Stirton who is underdone like my mate's chicken sticks. I will be touching down at Avalon some time in the mid morning, heading to Cunningham Pier for an autograph session, then chauffeur driven to Elcho Park. There I will expect VIP treatment, pivo on tap and crni rižot, Riba na gradele i blitva and Janjetina s ražnja. I also expect a better South performance this week by a literal country mile. We rode all our luck last week, and have none left. Now, it’s time to play football! North Geelong 0 – South Melbourne 3.

Saturday 28th February, Dandenong Thunder vs Bentleigh Greens @ 7:00, George Andrews Reserve
Dandy beat Werribee 1-2 last week and Bentleigh beat the newcomers North Geelong 2-0. Was expected to be a tough game for Dandy last weekend, and it was. Scrappy affair that copped the rain halfway through it. But they dug in, and left with three points. Bentleigh had a somewhat more comfortable result against North Geelong. But bang for buck Bentleigh didn't show much last week, where you could say, 'WOW! What a team!'. Will be a difficult visit to Dandy. Dandy have things to prove and they won’t just sit back and let Bentleigh come. Expect plenty of goals at this one. Dandenong Thunder 2 – Bentleigh Greens 3.

Sunday 1st March, Hume City vs Avondale FC @ 3:00, Broadmeadows Valley Park
Hume went down to Port and Avondale had a tough welcome to the NPL at the Knights. Won’t say too much about this match because I really don’t have much to say, surprise, surprise. But, I will say that this will be Avondale FC’s first win. If they can do to Hume what they did to the knights in the first half, then hume should be worried. Hume City 1 – Avondale FC 2.

Sunday 1st March, Werribee City vs Heidelberg Utd @ 3:00, Galvin Park
This match has Heidelberg win written all over it. If they can beat a stubborn Pascoe Vale 3-0, then imagine what they can do to a shithouse Werribee! Werribee City 0 –Heidelberg United 4.

Soccer's back - Kiss of Death, Round 1, 2015

I did promise Paul a season preview this week. But to be honest, I cant be fucked reviewing something that’s been previewed countless times by other websites. Waste of my time. I have however studied round one, and I can give you my tips for the start of the season.

Thursday 19 February, South Melbourne vs Oakleigh Cannons @8:15, Lakeside Stadium
I’d call this one the clash of the titans, but it’s more Titan vs Minnow. South has had an excellent recruitment drive in the off-season. Signing no less than ten players, and releasing nine. Now before everyone points the finger, Dimi Tsiaras has retired, Jamie Reed has moved to Wales, and the other seven were if anything, bench players. The ten we have signed are pretty much all first eleven players. There will be a lot of competition and headaches for Taylor this season, which is a good thing. We lacked depth last season, and I mean quality depth. These signing have made depth a non-issue. South the side to watch this season. Oakleigh as usual are being overrated by everyone. They sign one or two fancy names and everyone starts pulling themselves. Calm the fuck down. South signs a few and it's “South's stealing our players”. The double standards, eh? They have an, 'eh', not bad team at Oakleigh, but not championship winners. Mentally it will always sit in the back of their heads. They are not a big enough character to deserve anything, and their trophy cabinet will be sitting bare for a while to come. South Melbourne 3 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.

Friday 20th February, Bentleigh Greens vs North Geelong @ 8:30, Kingston Heath
Bentleigh are still on their high from their FFA Cup run, where they played no team of note. Big fucken deal really. Have as usual splashed the cash and made signings, which I think are useless and unnecessary. North Geelong have an issue with leaking goals. Only had two clean sheets last season. However, they should still offer good value to this league in their maiden appearance [Let's not forget they did win the predecessor VPL competition in 1992. Ed.]. If they don’t have any coaching issues midway through the season, I can see them trying to force themselves into the finals series. Bentleigh Greens 2 – North Geelong Warriors 1.

Friday 20 February, Melbourne Knights vs Avondale FC @ 8:30, Knights Stadium
Watched the Knights last Friday night against South Melbourne for the Community Shield. They were woeful. It pains me to say it, but they will struggle. Their transfers in the off season have been poor. If they get the injuries they got last year, they’re fucked. Avondale FC have their turn in the NPL after being promoted again (three out of four seasons). They too have signed no one of note. You know, when you come to play with the big boys, you need to have some depth and players who can turn it on. Avondale have come into NPL with pretty much the same team. It will be a tough lesson for them. Melbourne Knights 3 – Avondale FC 1.

Sunday 22 February, Heidelberg United vs Pascoe Vale @ 3:00, Epping Stadium
Haven’t seen the Bergers yet, but by all accounts they have recruited well. Katsakis always seems to pluck these players out of nowhere and this season is no exception I suppose. I have no idea where or how he finds them, but they always seem to surprise. Pascoe Vale have a new ground this season, thank fuck for that. Their old ground is more of an antique now. They have signed three new players of not much calibre. Last year they were stubborn fucks, but this year everyone else's patience has worn thin. Expect Pascoe to finish in the bottom half of the table. Heidelberg United 2 – Pascoe Vale. 1.

Sunday 22 February, Hume City vs Port Melbourne @ 3:00, Broadmeadows Valley Park
Hume has gone on a spree, snapping up a bunch of NPL youth players. Are these players ready for the step up into senior football? No. Are Hume wasting their time? Yes. Will they have a strong campaign? No. Will they make the finals? No. Are they they a team to watch? Fucken LOL no! Port Melbourne have signed Trent Rixon, Alan Kearney and Shaun Kelly, just to name a few. Should other clubs be worried? No. We will see our first coaching change by round six. Eric Vass will be gone and Gus Tsolakis will be moved into his seat. You can see it already. Eric is being set up to fail. The clique has formed at Port and Eric will not be able to control it. Hume City 1 – Port Melbourne 1.

Sunday 22 February, Werribee City vs Dandenong Thunder @ 3:00, Galvin Park
Werribee City are already in relegation trouble and the season hasn't even started yet. Poor signings, poor friendly performances, poor youth team. They are doomed. Don’t bother tipping this team all season. Dead wood. Wasting everybody's time. Dandy Thunder, if they didn't have Stuart Munro, I’d have them down for relegation as well. All sorts of issues off the park, which has left a minimal budget on the park. Won’t get relegated, but will finish 3rd last, opa opa rok der! Werribee City 2 – Dandenong Thunder 2.

Monday 23 February, Green Gully vs Northcote City @ 8:30, Green Gully Reserve
Why would a team like Green Gully sign three players from Bendigo City? People have lost the plot. Overall poor recruitment drive. Disappointing. They've also signed Rani Dawisha from South Springvale Aris. Big jump for the young boy, will be under a shitload of pressure. Northcote has been raped and pillaged in the off-season. I dunno, really, I dunno. They’re one of those teams that always ends up being a pain in your arse somewhere through the season. Just wish they would go away. Green Gully 2 – Northcote City 2.

Time to gloat - Kiss of Death returns!

After a long hiatus, I’m back for more. Apologies to my faithful apostles for this absence. Not that I need to apologise considering I am your liege.

I will only be commenting on South Melbourne, so if you don’t want to read about it, close this tab in your browser and continue your search for gay porn.

South Melbourne this week faces the Oakleigh Cannons. That pain in the arse suburban club, who think they’re some kind of power club. Please, spare us the bullshit. You guys can continue having those ‘washed up’ Greek singer nights, pretend you raised $150,000 at your jersey presentation nights, and have functions at Crown for $1,000 per head, yet people need to pay for spirits. If anything, you’re a village club, you don’t even qualify for suburban club status! Even the Bergers are no longer a village club!

You will be facing South Melbourne. The Oceania Team of the Century! A true national powerhouse. Even if some people like to discount that status, we are still the same South Melbourne as before. Forget what the Greek papers say, forget what the Greek radio says, listen to me, so it is written.

South Melbourne has had a stellar season. Chris Taylor has done a splendid job. He has assembled a team we can all be proud of. A team of Champions. Yes, we shall lose one or two to those wretched A-League clubs at the end of the season, but we will regroup and attack the 2015 NPL with vigour, determination and as usual, professionalism. We will go back to back. KOD 3:9 for all you bible scholars.

We have had nothing but ups this season on and off the field. We had those morons calling for the board's head over the stadium deal. Class act. Didn’t they cop it sweet. We had experts asking me after games, “why does Oakleigh hammer teams, yet we only win 1 or 2-0”. To those experts, Oakleigh’s only scored 4 goals more than us. It’s not as if they’ve been wiping the floor with the opposition you dipshits. Some people just don’t get it. Oakleigh is chasing, they need to win games. We are looking down at them, just collecting the points we need. Simple fucken maths. Defensively, we have conceded two goals more than Oakleigh. two of these being Jason Saldaris’ brain fades at Bentleigh. No dramas.

At the end of the day, thanks to the work of the Melbourne Knights, South Melbourne are the champions of the NPLV 2014. I was invited to the game on Wednesday night, and decided to accept the invitation. What I witnessed was a very poor as expected Oakleigh. They played with no purpose. A team who was spent, after weeks of chasing South. Eventually, the mind gives way. The mental toll is sometimes harsher than the physical one, and it was obvious from the outset.

Forget what all the articles say about the game, that Oakleigh was clearly attacking, the Knights hit them on the counter, etc., etc. They are wrong. The Knights were attacking, and Oakleigh was intent on hitting them on the counter and stealing the game. The Knights were playing with purpose. Oakleigh's weaknesses were exposed time and time again by the attacking Knights. Wave after wave of attack lead by Stipo Andrijasevic, was eventually going to crack the Oakleigh ten man defence. The only thing between Stipo and the goal was that little cunt Honos in goals for Oakleigh. We have not forgotten you κωλόπαιδο. You were telling us, “How many goals is that now? Three”, when you beat us at Jack Edwards. Well guess what cocksucker, “we can count, and we know that Oakleigh still has ZERO championships!”.

Sunday at Lakeside will be a fiesta. We’re gonna party like its 1999! I was hoping the trophy presentation happened before kickoff, so the Oakleigh wankers can burn. However, to my dismay, South Melbourne will be presented with their trophy at the end of the game. Not that Oakleigh has any fans, but I want their players to burn.

Either way, well done to Chris Taylor, the playing squad and staff at SMFC. Also a big congratulations to the ever so hard working board. From the cocksucker who mans the merchandise booth, to the chardonnay sipping suits in the corporate boxes.

I would like to thank the Melbourne Knights for their hospitality on Wednesday night. It’s always a pleasure visiting this club.

See you all in Tassie!

It's not about me and you; it's about us - South Melbourne 4 Melbourne Knights 3

I knew I should have headed out to Jack Edwards Reserves on Friday night, despite the cold and despite being utterly friendless. I'm hardly one for superstitions, but for some reason I thought there was a chance that Hume could do something - which is not far fetched, because any team at any time could do 'something' -  but whether that thing will actually happen is anyone's guess, and besides, Oakleigh have been smashing teams instead of just crawling over the line like we have been doing.

Well, Oakleigh lost 2-1 and I was spewing (metaphorically) that I missed it, in part because of the alleged post match, you wanna fight me cunt antics of the Cannons' keeper, but anyway the stage was set for South to make the most of that slip up or look like fools if we failed. The problem was that we were up against the other form team of the competition in the form of the Melbourne Knights who, if you care about omens - and I don't, honest - had knocked us out of the Dockerty and FFA Cup running in one fell swoop not too long ago, and had not lost to us yet at the redeveloped Lakeside.

But firstly, since no one else is going to comment on the Knights' away strip, it looks like I'm going to be the one who has to say it. Aside from the possible issue of fascist chic, I just reckon that the all black strip just looks stupid. Black is for refs. A city derby, such as the 'original' #melbderby has turned out to be, should be between red vs blue, the iconic intercity rivalry colours, made famous the world over by Bristol Rovers and Bristol City.

Guy Garvey reckons that the birds are the keepers of our
secrets, but I'm not sure he was including seagulls in that.
Photo: Cindy Nitsos.

I'm divulging this advice as a fashion icon in my own right, not out of hate, but because I care - and it's not like I haven't been in full support of your wonderful, crazy, FFA inclusiveness taunting (Inclusive means exclusive? What a country!), new dawner baiting antics with your FFA shirt design. Anyway, Matthew Theodore was on the bench, replaced by Tyson Holmes. No Leigh Minopoulos yet, but soon we hope. Milos Lujic had the first good chance, but Knights keeper Chris May saved well. He's been doing that a lot this season.

Shaun Timmins opened the scoring with the first of several comical goals in this game. A corner which floated to the back post was eventually worked to the to Timmins who cut in and scored with either a really crummy shot, or one that was deflected, or just nice low hard shot, take your pick, as either way it all seemed to happen in slow motion, but they all count the same.

Mark Oliver Everett can't look at the rocket launch, or the
the trophy wives of the astronauts, and he won't listen
to their words, because he likes birds. Strange philosophy.
Photo: Cindy Nitsos.

The Knights equalised thanks to mayhem on our left hand side, and the ball was bundled into the back of the net. While Tim Mala was having the better of our recent nemesis Shayan Alinejad for the first 30 minutes or so, Alinejad soon got on top, including one sequence of play where within the space of about 20 seconds he beat Mala twice on the sideline when there was nowhere for him to go (and while that was later more than matched by fancy foot skills by our own players, it still annoyed the crap out of me that it happened at all). In the second half, where Alinejad was switched over to Timmins' side, he was even more of a nuisance.

But before that we managed to get the lead back almost straight away, when Jason Saldaris or James Musa - and who cares really, they all look the same to me - sent a long ball forward which caught the visitors' defence napping but Jamie Reed well awake, and Reed slotted it home.

The third South goal, which arrived on the stroke of halftime, was even more hideous, when Lujic pounced on a loose ball which came at the end of a series of miscues to take us into the break 3-1 up. If there wasn't so much at stake, I would have been embarrassed to be scoring from those kinds of efforts. No, wait, that's not true. As some wise soul once said - I think it may even have been me, about three paragraphs up - they all count the same.

We went searching for the killer fourth goal after the break, but thanks to poor finishing did not find it. No matter, the two goal buffer should have been enough. Wrong, wrong, wrong, as Knights began exerting control over the game, indeed dominating the last twenty minutes or so where we scarcely had any meaningful possession except for counter attacks, and that jerk Alijenejad pulled it back to 3-2 with about ten minutes to play.

Just how do you commentate when you're in the shot?
It's a post modernist field day, with the host of SMFCTV.
Photo: Cindy Nitsos.

In the 90th minute Lujic made amends for his own wastefulness by finishing off a dead easy chance, and then we thought, cool, that was that, done and dusted, end of the game, let's go home and have a nap.

But as Bob Hale would say, not for long! Because Brad Norton, who came on as a late substitute for Shaun Timmins - and as it turned out, the only substitution South made - slipped over and helped Alinejad get the score back to 4-3, but that was close enough to the last kick of the game. Maybe it'll be a blessing in disguise, not allowing us to rest on our laurels. One can only hope so, because you're not going to get far if you're conceding three goals a game. Still, these things sometimes happen, and on two occasions where we've copped three goals this year we've still won. So maybe I should just shut up and be glad that we're nine points clear with eight games to play. That's just under a third of the season. Long way to go yet.

Now who wants to join my campaign to get the club to express mail copies of our last two games against the Knights to their FFA Cup opponent Brisbane Olympic, if not for the sake of Hellenic pride, than at least for former South player Rhys Meredith who's recently transferred to Olympic. You know it makes sense.

Next game
Northcote away on Saturday afternoon, our first time playing them this year despite it being round 19. That's the FFV's fixturing for ya. The start of a crucial three game away stretch.

Farewell, 112 Tram
For those that use public transport to get to South home games, the end of an era has arrived. From July 27th, the 112 West Preston - St Kilda as we know it will be no more.

Instead, the route to take in order to get to Lakeside will be the newly minted route 12 Victoria Gardens to St Kilda service. I believe that number is what the route used to be before it became the 112, but I didn't know the tram then.

The 112 has ferried me to and from Lakeside ever since my dad, uncle and cousins stopped coming to South games, though at least in my dad's case that's understandable, being a Berger and all.

On at Collins and Spencer, off at those stupid lights at the end of Clarendon Street. And on the way back, depending on the time a game finished, watching the restaurant trams float by, while waiting with assorted people now either too old or too young to drive, or otherwise physically or mentally incapacitated. Hell, some might just even be locals.

There were times, I admit, when I was less than faithful. If there was a drinking session pre-game at the Limerick, or on the rare occasions at the Water Rat, I would sometimes take the No. 1 tram. Sometimes if I missed the 112 on the way back, I would wander up to the 1 and see if that was more convenient than waiting around freezing my arse for no good reason.

But how many times did I miss the tram down to Lakeside because the Werribee train was incredibly mistimed with the 112? I also have my rule of, unless it's a real emergency, then I don't run for no public transport. St Albans station weaned me off running for trains, and the 112 weaned me off from running for trams. Then I just stopped running altogether, and the obesity crisis was all the better for it.

Neverthleless, this writer will miss the old 112, as we had some good times together, aside from the time I got fined because I didn't bother scanning my myki. Bad Paul, how embarrassment.

@fakeyarratrams @mavrickau I shall be the ghost tram you all desire but never board
— The 112 Tram (@112tram) June 28, 2014

The crazy thing is, effectively nothing will really change, but that's melodrama for ya, and with three consecutive away games coming up, it'll be a while before we even get to use the new No. 12 for a South match.

Global warming of hearts
Whole driving back from Newport station after the game, or maybe it was on my way to Millers Street Maccas, whatever, I had it on 3XY Radio Hellas just to see what their take on the whole South kicking arse for the time being business was. Well, who should be on as a guest but our loveable larrikin president Leo Athanasakis, fresh back from a seven week holiday to Greece. Of more importance was the almost sickening

One Melbourne Knights mover and shaker I caught up with over the weekend said that South's relationships with its ethnic media was too hostile, which is a view held by some within what's left of our fandom. Still, it was interesting to hear both 3XY and Leo talk up the relationship in an increasingly sickening manner. 3XY extolled the hospitality that South always showed them, which is in huge contrast to the time they complained that they were treated like pariahs at Lakeside. Leo said that there was a new climate of friendship and understanding, or sentiments if not quite words to that effect

Where is the Kiss of Death?
Some of you have been asking about the Kiss of Death's whereabouts over these past few weeks. Well, I share those concerns, because the Kiss of Death has gotten very bad at even answering emails. However, I did manage to run into the Kiss of Death over the weekend, at an undisclosed time and location, and they assure me that once their personal workload eases up, they will be back.

Around the grounds
The more low rent something is, the more chance there is of me liking it 
Had the chance to head out to the state league 1 north-west top of the table clash between Moreland City and Preston, but instead decided to go to the battle at the bottom of the league between Sunbury United and Altona East. Before the game East were 10th of 12 and just outside the relegation zone, and Sunbury were 11th with only goal difference separating the two sides.

Here's a tip in the rare event that you choose to head out to Sunbury's Langama Park via public transport, on a suburban train that feels as if it'll fall apart it's going so fast - if possible, catch the bus from Sunbury station which ends up near the ground. Otherwise be prepared for a 20 minute, calf straining, uphill slog across terrain where often times the footpaths cease to exist. Thank goodness I got a lift back to Sunshine station after the game. The less said about that deathtrap roundabout at Gap Street the better.

Got there in time to watch the entirety of the second half of the reserves, which Altona East lost 3-1. Had myself a little bit of the local fare, in particular a rissole sandwich which was more or less a smallish homemade burger with coleslaw, with the overall effect of the tomato sauce and mayonnaise turning it into some sort of variation of a Hungry Jack's Whopper. Tasty in its own way, but pretty pricey at $6.50, but when a canteen doesn't list prices on its menu bill shock is always a very real possibility.

After channelling my inner George Costanza with a Twix, it was time for the senior game, introduced with 'You'll Never Walk Alone' over the speakers and a minute's silence for the victims of the MH17 disaster, with two of the victims being locals. East were clearly the better team in the first half and went into the break 1-0 up, and perhaps should have been further ahead. But Sunbury came out breathing fire after half time, and scored three times in what seemed like just a matter of minutes. A late own goal completed East's misery. East coach Terry Antoniadis reportedly resigned after the game.

Final thought
Not sure if they were pulling my chain, but was told that a couple of people had tossed around the idea of starting a Melbourne Knights variation of this blog. West of the Quarry? Now that I'd like to see.

Kiss of Death, round 13, 2014

Friday 13 June @ 8:30PM Bentleigh Greens vs Melbourne Knights
Bentleigh had a good away win 0-3 at Hume last week and the Knights beat the Ballarat Red Devils 4-2 at home. This is a danger game for the Knights. Lose this and you're gone for the season. Bentleigh will also need to win in order to have some hopes of doing something this season. Bentleigh will be the winner and convincingly at that with a 3-0 win.

Friday 13 June @ 8:30PM Pascoe Vale vs Green Gully
Gully had a massive 6-2 at home to Northcote while Pascoe Vale had a 0-2 win at Port Melbourne on Friday night. Gully's resurgence is somewhat what we are accustomed to. Their mid-season rise usually hits about now, and they are on schedule to finish in the top three. Pascoe Vale 0 – Green Gully 4.

Saturday 14 June @ 3:00PM Ballarat Red Devils vs Oakleigh Cannons 
Oakleigh celebrated last week's 3-0 win over South like they had won a final or some shit. Fucken morons. Ballarat had a 4-2 away loss at Somers Street. No biggy. They will beat those fucks from Oakleigh, and put them back under their rock. Fuck Oakleigh. Ballarat Red Devils 2 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.


Saturday 14 June @ 7:00PM Dandenong Thunder vs Heidelberg United 
Dandy is a shambles. However they had a good win at Shepparton 0-4. Heidelberg suffered a 2-2 draw at home to Werribee City. Danger game for the Bergers, however they will be three goals too good for Dandenong. Dandenong thunder 0 – Heidelberg 3.

Sunday 15 June @ 3:00PM Northcote City vs Hume City
Northcote, pfft. 6-2 losers to Gully last week and Hume 0-3 losers to Bentleigh at home. They also got knocked off by Springvale Aris midweek in the cup 0-3. Northcote will bounce back and beat Hume. Acevski bye bye after this one. Northcote City 3 – Hume City 0

Sunday 15 June @ 3:00PM Werribee City vs Port Melbourne Sharks
Werribee had a respectable 2-2 draw at the Olympic Village last week, while Port lost to Pascoe vale 0-2 at home. Werribee is under pressure internally and the players know this. Coach has threatened to bring in a whole new team at the transfer window. Werribee City 2 – Port Melbourne 0.

Sunday 15 June @ 5:00PM South Melbourne vs Goulburn Valley Suns
South had a 3-0 loss at Oakleigh and the Suns were trounced 0-4 by Dandenong. South last week started off well, however after the break we ran out of legs. Expected after three games in 9 days. Oakleigh wasn’t that good, but did enough. This week South will bounce back with a 9-0 win over the Suns.

Kiss of Death, Round 12, 2014

Port Melbourne Sharks vs Pascoe Vale - Friday 06 June @ 8:30PM @ SS Anderson Reserve
Port Melbourne lost at home 2-4 to Bentleigh, and Pascoe Vale had a good 0-2 win at Goulburn Valley. Port is a rabble. All over the shop. Possibly the most inconsistent team in this year's competition. In saying that, Pascoe Vale aren’t much chop either - but they’re enough chop to beat the Sharks. Port Melbourne Sharks 2 – Pascoe Vale 3.

Green Gully vs Northcote City - Saturday 07 June @ 3:00PM @ Green Gully Reserve
Green Gully was somewhat on the up since their 1-0 win over the Knights last week, but suffered an embarrassing 1-4 loss on Wednesday in the Cup. Northcote drew 1-1 at the Bergers in a somewhat exciting encounter. Gully will bounce back from the midweek embarrassment and beat Northcote City quite convincingly. Green Gully 3 – Northcote City 0.

Goulburn Valley Suns vs Dandenong Thunder - Saturday 07 June @ 6:30PM @ Shepparton
The relegation bound Goulburn Valley Suns might as well start planning for next year's NPL1. There is no way back for them now, considering after Dandy they have South at Lakeside. Dandy was taught a footballing lesson last week in their 5-0 hammering at South Melbourne. They were a different team to the one that lost 0-1 to South in the Cup. They must’ve played all their cards wrong! They will bounce back and beat the Suns no problemo. Goulburn Valley Suns 1 – Dandy Thunder 3.

Hume City vs Bentleigh Greens - Sunday 08 June 14 @ 3:00PM @ Broadmeadows Valley
Hume had a good 1-3 win at Ballarat, while Bentleigh beat the Sharks 2-4 in a thriller. This should be a good game to watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Both teams usually play at full pace and always like going for the kill. Hume City 2 – Bentleigh Greens 1.

Melbourne Knights vs Ballarat Red Devils - Sunday 08 June @ 3:00PM @ Somers Street
A depleted Knights recovered from their weekend loss at Gully, and bounced back with a 1-4 midweek Cup win. The Devils lost at home to Hume and seem to have lost their way. The Knights will also need to rock up to Lakeside 48 hours later for a Cup tie against the high-flying South. Melbourne Knights 2 – Ballarat Red Devils 1.

Heidelberg United vs Werribee City - Sunday 08 June @ 5:00PM @ Olympic Village
Heidelberg hit a stumbling block in their 1-1 draw with Northcote. A late equaliser gave them some hope of catching South. Hahaha, yeah right. Werribee were unlucky in their 2-0 loss at Oakleigh, with a saved penalty which would’ve brought them back to 1-1. I cant see the Bergers losing to those hacks from Werribee. In saying that, both teams like to hack a little, so expect plenty of cards. Heidelberg United 2 – Werribee City 1.

Oakleigh Cannons vs South Melbourne - Friday 06 June @ 8:30PM @ Jack Edwards Reserve
The game of the season. Second place, -9 points Oakleigh host first place +9 points South Melbourne. I’ve seen Oakleigh a few times this year and they ain't too impressive. South are having their moments but are quite frankly unbeatable. South is at full strength, while Oakleigh who cares. They could play with 12 and still lose. South inflicted major carnage on Dandenong last week. A 0-1 extra time win for the Cup and a 5-0 drilling on Sunday. South was very good on Sunday. Every team seems to give their all against us early on, then die in the arse once they cop the first. Every team seems more nervous against conceding rather than scoring. It’s not a matter of how many, but when. Because like our previous coach used to say, “one day we’re gonna absolutely batter a team”. Well, that happened, but not under his tenure. Chris Taylor my friends is the ‘Gamia’ like they say in Greek. Loosely translated to “The Fucker”. I wouldn’t be surprised if the players wear condoms during the game for when the time comes to open up the opposition. The opposition starts off well lubed for when it happens. Oakleigh is no different. They will all be well lubed up for the gangbang we are going to see on Friday night. There should be a bumper crowd at Jack Edwards and as usual these muppets get to play us at home first. How does this work every year? We are yet to play these clowns at our ground first up [we played them at home first in 2009, 2010 (at Kingston Heath) and 2013 - Ed.]. Either way, I couldn’t care if we played them on the moon. We would still beat them.

Kiss of Death, round 10, 2014

Bentleigh Greens vs Heidelberg United - Friday 23 May 14 @ 8:30PM @ Kingston Heath
Bentleigh had a disappointing 1-1 draw at Goulburn Valley, while the Bergers continued on their merry way with a 1-0 win over the Knights. A Greek derby somewhat. Should get a decent crowd, if Hellas fans aren’t doing anything on the Friday night. Bentleigh is hot and cold, and the Bergers have hit a hot streak. I don’t think this will matter in the derby environment. Bentleigh Greens 1 – Heidelberg United 1.

Pascoe Vale vs Oakleigh Cannons - Friday 23 May 14 @ 8:30PM @ Hosken Reserve
Pascoe Vale was unlucky at South losing 1-0, while Oakleigh drew 1-1 at home to Northcote which drew the cheers of the crowd at Lakeside when announced. Pascoe aren’t too bad. Attacking wise they are fine, midfield they are fine, defensively they are improving yet have a long way to go. Their tackles leave a lot to be desired. Will they be able to beat the Cannons? Oakleigh is losing pace on first placed South. six points behind, and they will be looking to keep up or close the gap if South was to lose on Sunday. Pascoe Vale 2 – Oakleigh Cannons 2.

Dandenong Thunder vs Ballarat Red Devils - Saturday 24 May 14 @ 7:00PM @ George Andrews Reserve
Dandenong had a shock 0-3 loss at home to Werribee, while Ballarat won their first home game 3-2 against Gully. What’s happening at Dandy? If some chojek opa rok bro can explain the situation, it will be handy. However, I still think Dandy will be too good for Ballarat and won’t go into meltdown with 20 to go. Dandenong Thunder 2 – Ballarat Red Devils 1.

Hume City vs Green Gully - Sunday 25 May 14 @ 3:00PM @ Broadmeadows Valley Park
Hume had a 1-1 draw at Port Melbourne, while Gully lost 3-2 away at Ballarat. Gully has the worst defence in the league having conceded 25 goals. Hume have the third best only conceding 10. If my calculations are correct, Hume should win this one. Hume City 2 – Green Gully 0.

Melbourne Knights vs Port Melbourne Sharks - Sunday 25 May 14 @ 3:00PM @ Somers Street
Melbourne Knights lost to an own goal at the Bergers last week 1-0, while Port Melbourne drew 1-1 at home to Hume. The only thing keeping the Knights out of relegation is their goal difference of -6. Port on the other hand unfortunately, are not in relegation trouble. Oh how I wish they were. Melbourne Knights 2 – Port Melbourne Sharks 0.

Northcote City vs Goulburn Valley Suns - Sunday 25 May 14 @ 3:00PM @ John Cain Memorial Park
Northcote had a 1-1 draw at Oakleigh, while Goulburn Valley Suns held Bentleigh to a 1-1 draw. This will be an interesting match. Northcote are at the same level as the Suns. I reckon Northcote might be a tad too good by a bee's dick and beat the Suns. Northcote City 2 – Goulburn Valley Suns 1.

Werribee City FC vs South Melbourne FC - Sun 25 May 14 @ 03:00PM @ Galvin Park
The match of the round. Werribee stunned the footballing world with a late 0-3 win at Dandenong, while South wasn’t good, but wasn’t bad beating Pascoe Vale 1-0 at home. South is now nine games, nine wins. A record in anyone's language. Speaking of language, has anyone visited Werribee's webpage recently? Scroll down and check out the match write up, in Italian! Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is not allowed under the rules of competition. No ethnic clubs allowed to advertise their ethnicity. I expect the FFV to drag them to the tribunal over this. This is an outrage! I’ll be jetting into Avalon and taking the short trip to Werribee. Have never been there before so don’t know what to expect. Will there be Italian flags everywhere? Will there be Italian style Ultras ? Should I go casual to survive, or should I wear club colors? South weren’t bad or good last week, but ground out the result against a Pascoe Vale side who was intent on not conceding. Instead they were happy to chop at will, while the referee destroyed the game. Some decisions were daft. Fucken woeful. FFV, give us some decent refs FFS! South will be looking to get their 10th win in a row at Werribee. They are an unknown quantity and will always be a danger game. They will not spoil the party of the team of the century. We are South Melbourne, we DO NOT lose to shit teams like Werribee. Leigh Minopoulos will hopefully go on a rampage. Werribee City 0 – South Melbourne 4.

Kiss of Death, round 9, 2014

Port Melbourne Sharks vs Hume City - Friday 16 May @ 8:30PM @ SS Anderson Reserve
Port Melbourne had the tougher of the 2 tasks last weekend disposing easily of the Ballarat Red Devils, while Hume had a 4-1 win at home to Goulburn Valley. Will be an interesting match with Hume only having conceded nine goals. Port on the other hand have scored and conceded 15. I think Hume will be too good for Port, with them just nudging over the line.  Port Melbourne Sharks 1 – Hume City 2.

Ballarat Red Devils vs Green Gully - Saturday 17 May 14 @ 3:00PM @ Morshead Park
Ballarat lost at home to Port Melbourne 0-4, while Gully once again got thumped 4-0 away to the Bergers. Ballarat has somewhat impressed me, but their discipline is their let down. Red cards in the last few matches have cost them points. Gully is having the shittest start in their history, and will most likely start rebuilding as of this weekend. Ballarat will finally get their first win at home and third overall for the season. Ballarat Red Devils 3 – Green Gully 1.

Goulburn Valley Suns vs Bentleigh Greens - Saturday 17 May 14 @ 6:30PM @ Jack McEwen Reserve
Goulburn Valley has a new coach as of last weekend. Peter Zois is the man at the helm and he has some work to do with the Suns. Bentleigh lost 2-1 at South last week and weren’t too bad for the first 45 minutes. In the second half they fell to shit. They looked like they were more worried about losing than winning. Johnny A left his subs too late, and if he had made them earlier, the scoreline might have been different. They will however be too good for the rabble that are the Goulburn Valley Suns. Goulburn Valley Suns 0 – Bentleigh Greens 3.

Dandenong Thunder vs Werribee City - Saturday 17 May 14 @ 7:00PM @ George Andrews Reserve
Dandenong had a good 1-3 win at Northcote, while Werribee drew 1-1 with Pascoe Vale, missing a penalty in the 92nd minute. Dandenong is hot and cold. They can't make up their mind if they’re winning or losing. Werribee is yet to find its feet. For their information, you wont find Leigh Minopoulos either, he’s at South. No Leigh Minopoulos, no Werribee City. Dandenong Thunder 3 – Werribee City 0.

Oakleigh Cannons vs Northcote City - Sunday 18 May 14 @ 3:15PM @ Jack Edwards Reserve
Oakleigh had a 3-1 win over the Knights, while Northcote City struggled 1-3 against Dandy. I witnessed the last 20 minutes or so of last week's Oaks vs Knights match and wasn’t too impressed with Oakleigh at 2-1 to be honest. I don’t see what the big deal is. They have more weaknesses than strengths. The Knights were severely depleted, so I’d take that win with a grain of salt. Northcote. HAHA. Suck it. Keep Rixon and all the others at John Cain. Showponies. Oakleigh Cannons 3 – Northcote City 0.

South Melbourne vs Pascoe Vale - Sunday 18 May 14 @ 5:00PM @ Lakeside Stadium
South beat Bentleigh 2-1 and Pascoe Vale left Werribee 1-1. The first half last week wasn’t too flash for South. As mentioned further up, Bentleigh looked like a team who were more worried about losing, rather than winning. Holding possession, stupid passes, and time wasting were all part of Bentleigh's pathetic attempt to beat the Team of the Century. If Johnny A made those subs earlier, they might’ve had a sniff. The second half South dominated, and were silly to concede that goal at the end. The ref, well what a dick. Six minutes of injury time for what exactly? Douche. Pascoe Vale were lucky at Werribee last week. In the 92nd minute Werribee missed a penalty and let Pascoe get away with one pint. But ah well. South Melbourne 3 – Pascoe Vale 0.

Heidelberg United vs Melbourne Knights - Sunday 18 May 14 @ 6:00PM @ Olympic Village
Heidelberg had their way 4-0 with Gully, while the Knights were unlucky I felt losing 3-1 at Oakleigh. The Knights are pretty much fucked at the moment. Injuries, injuries and more injuries. The Bergers find themselves in unfamiliar territory sitting third on the ladder. Have they been playing well? Not really, but well enough to collect points, which is all that matters this year. Get the points, finish first, and the title is yours. Heidelberg United 3 – Melbourne Knights 0.

Rumours and Innuendo
Smfcboard.com – Moron Alert.
The shit people write on there is pathetic. I was tipped off by a user that apparently, Leigh Minopoulos is unhappy and is looking to leave the club in June for first team football. What a crock. I’ve made a few phone calls overnight, Melbourne time. Leigh Minopoulos is NOT unhappy at South, Leigh Minopoulos is NOT leaving South, Leigh Minopoulos understands HIS role at South, South is one big happy family with 8 from 8. I got a few screenshots provided as well. Apparently some dick has gone and put that Leigh Minopoulos is in talks with Altona East (your team Paul), and that they were beaten to his signature by Melbourne Tornado (does this team even exist). Funny thing is, a few people fell for it!

Donuts
A cheerio goes out to Pascoe Vale president Lou Tona (@LouTona) who started following me on twitter @KODFootball. We had a good chat about the pizza and food delicacies down at Hosken Reserve. Apparently, the donuts down at Hosken Reserve are “quality”. Apparently, “introduce yourself next time and I will buy you some doughnuts”, “I will organise with latte”. Lou also went on to offer myself and Paul Mavroudis free entry into the match at Hosken when South plays there.

This my friends, is a president! A man who not only loves his team, but appreciates the people who go out of their way to write about football in this state. Unlike those mutts down at FFV who don’t even issue media passes! Lou Tona, I take my hat off to you. You are a gentleman, a true lover of the sport. Unfortunately, South will beat you guys this Sunday at Lakeside.

Kiss of Death, Round 8, 2014

Oakleigh Cannons FC vs Melbourne Knights FC - Friday @ 08:30PM @ Jack Edwards Reserve
Oakleigh had an out of the ordinary 6-0 win at home against Dandenong Thunder last week. It was 3-0 with 10 minutes to play and Oakleigh decided to give a 10 man Dandenong three more. The Knights are finished. They are done for the season. Either Marth will be sacked, or they will keep him on stupidly and start rebuilding for next season. Only one point separates a very injury depleted Knights from relegation. I’ve heard that Covarrubias is also gone for the season. Tough times ahead. It’s gonna be a long, long, long season for the Knights. Oakleigh 4 – Melbourne Knights 1. #MarthOut

Northcote City FC vs Dandenong Thunder SC - Saturday @ 03:00PM @ John Cain Memorial
Northcote had a loss at home to the Port Melbourne Sharts 2-3, while Dandenong got thumped 6-0 by Oakleigh. Northcote continues their hot and cold start to the season, while Dandy will still be licking its wounds from last week. Northcote will be too good for a poor Dandenong. Northcote City 2 – Dandenong Thunder 1. #NorthcoteObsession

Ballarat Red Devils SC vs Port Melbourne Sharks SC - Saturday @ 07:45PM @ Moreshead Park
Ballarat had a 1-2 loss at home to South, while the Sharts had a come from behind 2-3 win at Northcote. Ballarat. Please do not call your facility a ‘stadium’. It comes nowhere near a stadium as known to the Western World. It’s a fucken building site. I’m surprised each fan wasn’t inducted and given a union ticket to enter the site. An unfinished venue is NOT the place for an NPL match. FFV pull your fingers out and implement your stadium guidelines competition wide. Please, for the love of God! To the Sharts fans travelling, take an umbrella, a storm proof jacket and gumboots. Not that any of you will travel. Ballarat Red Devils 2 – Port Melbourne Sharts 0. #BRDShitGround

Hume City FC vs Goulburn Valley Suns FC – Sunday @ 03:00PM @ Broadmeadows Valley
Hume had an easy 2-0 win at home to the Knights, while the newly coached GV Suns had their first win down at Galvin Park vs Werribee 1-2. Hume should on paper have three points in the bag against the Suns, but you never know. Nah, actually I do know. Hume City 3 – Goulburn Valley Suns 0. #HumeAreBetterThanTheGVSuns

Werribee City FC vs Pascoe Vale SC – Sunday @ 03:00PM @ Galvin Park
Werribee was disappointing in their 1-2 loss to GV Suns, while Pascoe Vale had a 3-2 loss at the Bergers. I dunno what's happening down at Werribee. Pascoe Vale should bounce back. Werribee City 1 – Pascoe Vale 3. #NoLeighMinoNoWerribee

South Melbourne FC vs Bentleigh Greens SC - Sunday @ 05:00PM @ Lakeside Stadium
The pick of the round. First vs third, South's latest test. Look, I'm not impressed with Bentleigh, have never been. I just don’t think they’re the real deal. South had a 1-2 win down at a shitty weathered Ballarat while Bentleigh had a surprising 3-2 loss at Gully. That’s the reason they don’t impress me. South on the other hand impresses everyone. Unbeaten in the league and cup, firing on all cylinders, all round team effort. We are the team to beat, and Bentleigh will attempt the impossible. They may as well not rock up. We are the Oceania Team of the Century and we do not lose to suburban clubs from Moorabbin. South Melbourne 3 – Bentleigh Greens 0. #SouthTooGood

Heidelberg United SC vs Green Gully SC - Sunday @ 06:00PM @ Olympic Village
Heidelberg beat Pascoe Vale 3-2, while Gully beat Bentleigh 3-2. Both teams won 3-2! Bergers are doing not bad by their standards, somewhat steadying the ship, Gully is hit and miss. Will be plenty of goals at this one, but Gully will be too good. Heidelberg United 3 – Green Gully 4. #ShitClubsNoCrowd

Questions and Answers
During the week I received an email from a a student of Caulfield Grammar whom I shall call ‘Carlos’. The email contained a number of questions which Carlos required answers to in order to complete a project on ‘old Australian Soccer’. I am more than happy to oblige and I hope you enjoy the answers Carlos.

Are there any particular differences between the NSL and the A-League that's stick out to you?
A very interesting question and I shall give you a very interesting answer. The particular differences between the NSL and A-League that stick out to me are the following:

• Admission Fee. For starters the NSL had a flat fee admission for adults, pensioners and children over 14 at every venue Australia wide. The fee wasn’t based on where you sat, or which stadium you visited, unlike the A-League.
• Family Friendly. The NSL was very family friendly and from the tender age of six, I attended matches with my father, uncles and cousins. Others were there with their grandparents, mothers, aunties etc, etc, you get the gist of where I’m at. The A-League I find more corporate friendly than family friendly. It's not for families.
• Car Park. The NSL carparks were free, except for the finals matches at Olympic Park. Try finding a free carpark at an A-League match.

Are you happy with the modern day all sweater stadiums? Or would you rather the typical local ground, (green hill behind the goals, a old grandstand ect ect....)

Carlos, I am a footballing purist and prefer traditional non-seated terraces. It is actually bad luck for me to be seated while my team is playing. Trust me, I’ve tried it, not for me and we lost.

How did you feel when the NSL went defunct ?

Something for you to google. I and many other NSL fans suffered (and some of continue to) the five stages of grief as described in the Kübler-Ross model.

• Denial – I was in denial for about one year.
• Anger – I was angry for about four years.
• Bargaining – I was bargaining in my head for about six months.
• Depression – I was depressed for about two years.
• Acceptance – I am yet to hit that stage.

What is your fondest memory of the NSL?

The 1991 NSL Grand Final between South Melbourne Hellas and Melbourne Croatia. That memory will live on with me forever. Just thinking of it gives me goosebumps.

How did you feel about the ethnic tension and sometimes ethnic violence between clubs at games ?

There wa no ethnic tension or ethnic violence at games. Do not believe what the FFA propaganda machine is feeding you. If there ever was any alleged violence, it was not due to ethnicity. I can prove this quite easily and I hope you include it in your project. They say there was ethnic tension in the old NSL. All I ever saw was banter between sets of opposing fans. Nothing to do with ethnicity, but more to do with club loyalty. An example being the current situation with the ‘ultras’ mentality that’s slowly creeping into the A-League. They’re all ‘Australians’, yet they fight with each other. One could turn around and say, ‘ahh Australian is an ethnicity, therefore it’s ethnic tension’. Fans all over the world ‘have fights’, but they’re all the same nationality. The only thing that separates them is club loyalty. The same occurred in the NSL.

How do you feel about the FFA today ?

The FFA have destroyed the lifeblood of the sport and have turned a blind eye of the 100+ year history of the sport in this country. I have no respect for the FFA. As far as I'm concerned, they can go forth and multiply.

Do you think the FFA are ignoring old soccer and trying to erase it from history?

Yes. Definitely yes. They have no respect for the people of the past who lost their homes, marriages, and lives, building this sport from the ground up purely for the love of it and not for financial benefit. The FFA does not like this mentality as there’s no money to be made from it, hence the corporate feel of the A-League. They’re all suits and ties these days, no room for the hardworking blue collar worker.

What was your favourite NSL ground?

Middle Park by a country mile. Sometimes I drive down there, sit on the grass and reminisce. I can still hear the crowd chanting, still smell the souvlaki cooking, and still see the goals which I witnessed over the years.

How do you feel about the A-League ?

Yeah off the field it’s great. Huge stadiums, all seated crap, great promotion machine. It’s a league of very poor standard on the field. Teams of the NSL would have a field day against the current A-league teams. They’re laughable. I sometimes watch it online for a laugh, and I can’t watch more than 10 minutes of it without shaking my head. It really is a ridiculous standard.

I hope you find the answers to your questions suitable for your project. I wouldn’t mind having a look at the final product once complete.

Regards from the sunny BVI

Kiss of Death

Kiss of Death, Round 7, 2014, includes Brazil money rumour!

Oakleigh Cannons vs Dandenong Thunder – Friday @ Jack Edwards @ 8.30pm
Oakleigh had a 0-2 win at Hume last week, in what their coach Miron Bleiberg described as a ‘Chelsea' like performance. What, you mean you parked the bus? Dandenong on the other hand had a disappointing 3-1 loss away to Bentleigh. This match will be a dire affair. Boring as pretty much fuck. Oakleigh Cannons 1 – Dandenong Thunder 1.

Green Gully vs Bentleigh Greens – Saturday @ Green Gully Reserve @ 3pm
Gully had an unconvincing 2-1 win against Goulburn Valley Suns, while Bentleigh was convincing enough to beat Dandenong 3-1. Gully is in trouble. Have been in trouble since they were 0-4 down against South in the 30th minute about four weeks ago. Bentleigh has been  hot and cold as far as I'm concerned. Don’t let the ladder position fool you. Another boring match with both teams duds. Green Gully 2 – Bentleigh Greens 2.

Hume City vs Melbourne Knights – Sunday @ Broadmeadows Valley @ 3pm
Hume wasn’t good enough to overcome Oakleigh last week, while the Knights were good but not good enough losing to South 0-1. The Knights were impressive even with their absentees, but they lacked that killer punch at the end. Their tackles were nothing less than ridiculous, but dog tackles which many of us footballing purists appreciated. Hume will unfortunately beat them at their own game. Hume City 2 – Melbourne Knights 0.

Northcote City vs Port Melbourne Sharts – Sunday @ John Cain Memorial @ 3pm
Northcote as expected beat Werribee 4-1 and Port Melbourne lost as expected 0-4 at home to Heidelberg, fucken lol. Both teams aren’t rated by myself and many others. Will be an exciting game though. Northcote City 3 – Port Melbourne Sharts 2.

Werribee City vs Goulburn Valley Suns – Sunday @ Galvin Park @ 3pm
Dead Rubber. Werribee City 3 – GV Suns 0.

Heidelberg United vs Pascoe Vale – Sunday @ 6pm @ Olympic Village
Heidelberg had a 0-4 win at Port Melbourne while Pascoe Vale drew 2-2 with the Ballarat Red Devils. Heidelberg should win this one, but it will be a tough hit-out for both teams. Expect red cards to be handed out and a few yellows. Heidelberg United 2 – Pascoe Vale 1.

Ballarat Red Devils vs South Melbourne – Saturday @ 3pm @ Morshead Park
The match of the round by a literal country mile. Ballarat drew 2-2 at Pascoe Vale last week, while South had a convincing win over at the Knights 0-1. South is on fire (as expected). We are the team to beat. Ballarat will want to beat us, especially at their new half finished stadium. They will fail. Just like everyone else has in the last six weeks. We are the team of the century. We don’t lose to teams of Ballarat's ilk. Ballarat will be missing Liam Harding, and South will be full strength. Leigh Minopoulos is on fire. His run last week was magnificent. You just knew we were going to get that vital goal once he passed the two Knights players. Lujic’s finish was world class. We all thought it was out, until it hit the other side of the net. I'm rambling. Ballarat Red Devils 0 – South Melbourne 3.

Brazil  Money Rumour
I got my hands on some gold worthy gossip last weekend in relation to the World Club Championship Brazil money. Here is the email:

The club invested and built 20 apartments in Port Melbourne that it still owns and collects rent on to finance the team year in year out. Also the guy who told me this rumour was so convinced that even when I pointed out the obvious that when South went into administration wouldn't they have been forced to sell it? He's like, nah, it's under a different name.

What a load of shit if I've ever smelt it. It is gold however. How do people come up with this stuff? Seriously, we all know what happened to the World Club Championship money. The members voted (stupidly) to invest all the funds into going professional and re-qualifying for the next World Club Championship. End of rumour.