Bummer - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 3

It doesn't usually take me two days to get a post up after a game, especially if I don't have many other pressing issues to deal with, but what do you make of a game like that? The whole experience has actually left me somewhat bewildered. Not exhausted, not even angry, just bewildered. Rather than feeling absolutely gutted, I felt flat, especially knowing that despite losing it was not yet the end of our season. Maybe it's because we've had so much success these past couple of seasons. Maybe it's because Bentleigh so thoroughly deserved the win. Whatever the reason is, I just haven't been able to put my finger on it.

In the end it was one step too far. Having dragged ourselves off the metaphorical canvas after the FFA Cup loss to win the minor premiership, and then beat Pascoe Vale deep in extra time after trailing, it was probably too much to expect that we could muster the ten straight wins it would take to win both the NPL Victoria grand final and the national NPL playoffs. Maybe we won't win the latter either, but it would have been a Herculean task to win both.

Bentleigh were the superior team from almost beginning to end. Only their woeful finishing - apart from the screamer to give them the lead during regular time - kept us in the game for as long as we did. Granted, many of those shots came from range, as we stepped off and let them have space up the field, but they still looked the most likely team to score. Our chances came at random rather than at regular intervals, and while we had some glorious chances - especially that early chance in extra time which would have given us the lead - it would have been one of the more brazen heists even by our standards.

Would we have had more success if we stepped up and tried to pressure Bentleigh, as opposed to playing a sort of rope-a-dope kind of game? Who knows. What that approach did do however was allow Bentleigh time on the ball, with no one near enough to provide pressure when they slipped up. It meant Milos Lujic was isolated up front, as we pitched long ball after long ball at him in the vain hope he could create something out of nothing.

We were also beaten physically. While we tried to give as good as we got, Bentleigh took advantage of the lax refereeing in a way that we could not. Their attacks on our goalkeepers went unpunished, and in that regard their approach reminded me a lot of our semi final loss to Oakleigh in 2011. Losing Roganovic to injury made things harder for us not because he had making several great saves (he'd hardly had to make any), nor because Fraser McLaren was poor (he was as good as could be expected having not played for ages, and was not at fault for any of the goals), but because it robbed us of the chance to make our full quota of outfield substitutions. Iqi Jawadi's red card in regular time more or less sealed the deal. With no subs left to make and one player down on a warm day, and already being outplayed, it was Bentleigh's game to win.

Afterwards at the Limerick Arms, among the players, coaches, board members, families and those supporters who could muster up the time and courage to not go home straight away, the mood was relaxed but sombre. The feeling seemed to be that while an opportunity had been missed, on the day we had been beaten by the better team, a team that perhaps had been better than us all season. Indeed, they were the only Victorian team we had failed to beat all season.

You can point to the table which saw us finish top on goal difference, all while remembering that Johnny A pointed to the head to head record. Ideally, neither goal difference nor head to head should count, and there should be no finals. If two teams finish equal on points, have a playoff match, ideally at a neutral venue to decide the champion. In the end, we found ourselves close enough to those circumstances, and on the day were found wanting. We can complain about refereeing and injuries and such, but on the day, we were the inferior team, and we lost. Maybe if we played under Sheffield Shield rules, and finished at 1-1 after a regulation 90 minutes, things could have been different, but we didn't, so here we are.

For the high standards many South fans have of their team, this loss means that the season in a sense is almost a bust. The FFA Cup run was botched, we failed to rise up to the challenge of Bentleigh in the final, and the Dockerty Cup is little consolation to many. A winning end to the season with regards to the NPL national playoffs will probably rescue the season in that respect, especially for those whose self-esteem is (somewhat understandably) wedded to the FFA Cup and national limelight.

On the other hand, it's worth remembering where we are now compared to where we were. Two and a half years ago, we were at our absolutely rudderless worst. In mid 2013, we not only hadn't won anything since 2006, we had scarcely looked like doing so. Within half a season, we were one game away from a grand final appearance; the next season we won the title; and this season in the state we collected almost every trophy at our disposal, despite injuries, player departures and the ongoing problem of what to do with Nick Epifano.

That's not me trying to find a way of saying losing the grand final is acceptable, but a reminder that not so very long ago, on the field things were a lot worse than this. I'd much rather be hurting over losing a grand final than sitting at home during the finals because we were stuck in mid table mediocrity. While the end result is the same - no title - I'd rather be in there with a shot.

Necessary brickbats
The promotion, coverage and presentation of the grand final was often poor. Bentleigh has limited resources on that front and realistically limited support despite their FFA Cup bandwagon from last year. South tried to promote the event as much as it could, and was rewarded with an excellent turnout from its supporters.

The FFV however dropped the ball. There was little vigour or feeling in their promotion of the game. I did not see any attempt to offer prizes of free tickets to the game, as many organisations would do for similar events to drum up interest. The fact that the contest also clashed with scores of junior games - both NPL junior and community league junior finals - was a disgrace, and would have been a disgrace no matter which two teams were playing in the final. The $20 entry fee for adults (plus $4 Ticketmaster fee) was also absurd. The equivalent game in New South Wales was only $15 for adults.

Having everyone in the one stand may have looked good for the cameras, but to a certain extent it compromised spectator comfort. Instead of using the whole stadium (which would have provided more shaded areas for spectators, on what was a very warm day), everyone was forced to use the amenities available only on one side of the ground, where there was only one food outlet.

The live stream, too, was in many ways a bust. While understanding that FFV had a sponsorship arrangement which compelled them to use a particular video streaming service instead of Youtube, the lack of complete instructions as to how get access to the stream of the grand final saw at least some viewers wait until almost halftime to get their service working. Who knows how many just stopped bothering after a couple of futile attempts?

While I did not expect any mainstream media coverage, because we've been over and over that disappointment before, I was still disappointed that the only coverage we seemed to be able to get was digital coverage (preview and match report) in the Herald Sun (please let us know if anything got into print). In The Age, nothing. The World Game? It seems their interests in Aussie soccer shuts down between A-League seasons. Not enough interest said one of their writers. He meant readers, but I think the lack of interest could easily be his own, which he has projected onto the supposed audience. There were enough angles to pursue in this fixture in terms of the ambitions of the two clubs and many and varied stories of the players and coaches involved, but in the end sheer laziness has reared its head for most of our soccer media.

On the other hand, credit must go to the Corner Flag people, who provided both informed and irreverent commentary on the fixture. Still, if it all falls down to them and other low level soccer media, as well as complete minnows like myself and SMFCMike to promote the game, to the point where we're recognised as doing far more than the organisation which stood to benefit the most from a bigger crowd, then we're in bigger trouble than I thought.

Hobart Olympia, 2015 NPL Tasmania champions. Former South Melbourne
defender Jake Vandermey is the third from left in the back row. 2016 South
recruit Luke Eyles is the furthest right in the front row. Photo: Walter Pless

Next game
At home against on Saturday afternoon against Hobart Olympia in the NPL national playoffs. Should we win this game, we'll play the winner of the West Adelaide - Bayswater match.

Because this is an FFA, not FFV event your South membership will not get you access to this game. 

This will no doubt upset those who recall that the 2015 South membership originally included these games as part of the membership package, and the club should be castigated for making a promise that it has failed to deliver upon. Nevertheless, you can pre-purchase tickets at this link.

There is some talk that Iqi Jawadi's red card in the grand final will see him suspended for this game. I'm not sure about that, but if Jawadi is suspended, it will be interesting to see with whom he'd be replaced as I believe (and I'm willing to be corrected) he has played every game this season. Would Dane Milovanovic, who has been playing some games in the under 20s as he works his way back to full fitness, be risked in this game? There's also of course the question of whether Nikola Roganovic will be able to recover from his injury last Sunday. Fraser McLaren seemed to play the game out well enough despite copping his own knock.

After many years of under achievement, Hobart Olympia (or Olympia Warriors as they are also known) won their first senior title since 1996, back when the Tassie league was split into northern and southern competitions. Despite stumbling late in the season with losses against South Hobart and Hobart Zebras, Olympia was able to take advantage of an unexpected South Hobart loss to win the league title. They also put the doubters to rest - especially from their biggest rivals, the Zebras - by also winning the end of season finals series, which unlike our arrangement did not count as the senior title. Olympia's league win ended seven years of South Hobart domination.

While we will be expected to win, and probably to win comfortably, we must be wary of being complacent. While we have played Tasmanian opposition, including Olympia, on several occasion over the past fives years and never lost, this is of course not a friendly fixture but a ridgy didge game. We only have to go back to last year's game against South Hobart to know that a flat performance from our end can give the opposition. Still, we have the cattle on the field and the home ground advantage to be considered overwhelming favourites. However with nothing to lose, and the wide open spaces of Lakeside to play on, Olympia may just come into the game with a the mentality that they have nothing to lose.

Hobart Zebras' Dwayne Walsh about to launch himself into a tackle on
Olympia's Luke Eyles. Photo: Walter Pless.

South fans will perhaps be most interested in Jake Vandermey and Luke Eyles. Vandermey of course was a former South junior who played three matches for us back in mid 2011, before being loaned out to Hobart Olympia. Later he would play for Pascoe Vale, before relocating to Tasmania to continue his teaching studies, and while there resume his Olympia career. Last year he won Olympia's best and fairest award and finished third in the league best and fairest award behind South Hobart's Brayden Mann and Andy Brennan. Vandermey, having completed his teaching degree, will be retuning to Melbourne next year and will be keen to impress whatever onlookers are out there for next season. For his part Eyles is a promising midfielder who has become an established part of the Olympia starting eleven.

A South player evades a tackle.
Photo credit: unknown/South Melbourne Women FC.

Around the grounds
Oblivion delayed for at least one more week
On Saturday I decided to break my habit of having nothing to do with the South Melbourne Women's team, and I attended their semi final fixture against Heidelberg United at Lakeside. My absences from SMWFC fixtures had nothing to do with antipathy towards women's sport, or women's soccer, but rather the fact that since they decided (as was their right) to no longer have anything to do with us, that my time could be spent more productively, by watching mediocre men's state league football instead, or worse, NPL juniors. I was drawn back to seeing SMWFC by two things - one, needing to fill in some time before Sunday's game and two, being there perhaps on the occasion of SMWFC's final top flight match for at least the immediate future; South Women having had their WNPL bid rejected, and thus seeing them banished to we're not quite sure what kind of league yet. Entry to Lakeside was free, but strangely the venue operators had decided that the entire grandstand to the left of and including the players' race was to be out of bounds to spectators. I couldn't really see the point of the decision, but it was made the two small supporter groups ended up sitting in two adjacent bays; the Bergers with flags and and a drum, the South folk with the odd pompom. Also George Katsakis, Bill Papastergiadis and Leo Athanasakis were there. The game wasn't great, but South dominated the first half creating several chances, ands finally took the lead right on half time. The Bergers controlled the second half, but couldn't create any clearcut chances until they found space to lob the ball over the keeper. I was dreading extra time as I wanted to be able to get home for dinner, so it was a good thing that South ended up pinching the win at the end; a long range shot hit the crossbar, and rebounded off the diving keeper into the back of the net. So, the Bergers were out, though they'll be back in the equivalent competition next year; South survived another week, though think of it a stay of execution more than anything else. A pity that their next game is scheduled for Saturday at Kingston Heath.

Final thought
Despite the loss, that flare aside I did enjoy the colourful displays of the South Melbourne faithful, including these efforts from outside the usual crew.

Couple of new home made banners from non Clarendon Corner folk. #ps4nplvic @smfc pic.twitter.com/BRNKc4AW7V

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) September 13, 2015

More of it I say.

Kiss of Death, round 5, 2015

Friday 20th March, 8:15PM, Bentleigh Greens vs South Melbourne. Kingston Heath Soccer Complex

South to regain their rightful place on top of the table. Everyone praises Bentleigh. Bentleigh this, Benteigh that. They had a run last year in the FFA Cup, but never played anyone of note until the end. Yeah, that’s right kolofardoi, you played NO ONE. But you will be playing someone better than all those teams put together. SMFC Team of the Century. SMFC doesn’t lose to shit teams like Bentleigh. No Kristian Konstandinidis, he’s out for the season. Tim ‘shame on you’ Mala should be back after last week's break. Bentleigh to as usual, make out they’re a powerhouse. Fools! Bentleigh Greens 0 – South Melbourne 2.

Friday 20th March, 8:30PM, Melbourne Knights vs Dandenong Thunder, Knights Stadium

The Knights are on a roll, and I'm not talking cevapi roll either. Unbeaten in all competitions so far, this is their best start in a while. Dandenong was knocked out last weekend in the FFA Cup, and will be looking to bounce back and get something from the Knights. They won’t be able to. The Knights will be too good. Barisic on fire, there’s nothing stopping them now (until they play South). Melbourne Knights 3 – Dandenong Thunder 0.

Friday 20th March, 8:30PM, Pascoe Vale vs Oakleigh Cannons, CB Smith Reserve

Pascoe Vale vs the 0-12 vs Corio Oakeigh Cannons. What a machine of a team. What a world beater. The Galacticos. Six points away from the finals series, and ten points away from the championship, they can already write off the season. They score 12 against Corio in FFA Cup, but in two NPL games they have zero points. Emergency situation down at the Cannons now. They have been called, ‘Le Bleu’, ‘Chelsea’ and 'Galacticos' by those ignorant fools in the Greek media. The constant daisy chaining, gloryholeing, and overall bukkakeing of this team by some people is a disgrace. They have won zero. Pascoe Vale is also sitting down the bottom, last actually, but I'm leaning towards them, because so far, they have scored more goals than Oakleigh, and that’s a good thing, isn’t it?  

Pascoe Vale 1 – Oakleigh Cannons 0.

Saturday 21st March, 3:00PM Avondale FC vs Heidelberg United, Doyle Street Reserve

This one should be an exciting match. Bergers are doing well, and shouldn’t have an issue discarding of Avondale. Avondale FC 0 – Heidelberg United 2.

Saturday 21st March, 5:00PM, Northcote City vs Port Melbourne Sharks, John Cain Memorial Park

Ahhhh, Northcote, Northcote, Northcote. Struggling big time boys, eh? What’s the problem this year? Is it the coach? Is it the committee? Is it the lack of funds? Are you in a rebuilding phase Ummm, what other excuses can we come up with, eh? Leave us alone. The consensus in the Greek footballing community is that Northcote has had its day and are now on the decline. The glory days of a few years ago are over. Start thinking of, I dunno, anything but football. How about becoming a backgammon club or something? Port Melbourne, wow. This derby is of two teams which I absolutely do not have time for. The crowd will be in the vicinity of about 67 people. These two teams have nothing to do with the history of themselves prior to 2004. Northcote City 1 – Port Melbourne 2.

Saturday 21st March, 6:00PM, Hume City vs North Geelong Warriors, Broadmeadows Valley Park

Tasty match this one. North Geelong is causing surprises and have probably the hardest start to the season for any newly promoted team. They aren’t too bad as I predicted in my round 1 review. Hume is doing pretty poorly considering their signings. Hume City 1 – North Geelong Warriors 3.

Monday 23rd March, 8:30PM, Green Gully vs Werribee City, Green Gully Reserve

Green Gully will be too experienced for Werribee. Now some of you smartarses will say, they were also too experienced for North Geelong, but they copped six. Yeah, that’s true, but North Geelong is a quality outfit with a bright future. Werribee is not. Green Gully 3 – Werribee City 0.

Canteen serving etiquette - Kiss of Death, round 4, 2015

Friday 6th March @ 8:30PM, Pascoe Vale vs Northcote City, CB Smith Reserve
Probably the hardest game to pick. Both teams are yet to collect any points and are down the bottom. The Knights beat Northcote 2-0 and Pascoe Vale were unlucky against Port. Northcote need to win to get off the bottom, but Pascoe Vale has probably been the better team out of the two. I am yet to receive any signals from the Gods on this one, and no planets are aligning this week. This is purely a guess. Pascoe Vale 2 – Northcote City 1.

Saturday 7th March @ 3:00PM, Avondale FC vs Port Melbourne. Avondale Heights Reserve
Another difficult one. Although Port is up there sitting second, they haven’t really impressed. Avondale on the other hand have performed well but haven’t had the killer instinct. Port is due to start crumbling soon, and Avondale must win in order to have any chance of staying up. I reckon Port has this one by an arse hair. Will be close. Avondale FC 1 – Port Melbourne 2.

Saturday 7th March @ 5:00PM, North Geelong vs Melbourne Knights, Elcho Park
The sister club derby. North Geelong played well against South, for the first 20 minutes anyway, and that was it. The Knights were convincing over Northcote and now sit top of the table. Probably the best result for the Warriors at this time of the season would be a draw. But unfortunately their sister club will be too good for them. In all honesty, if a second gear South can beat them 0-3, then an i nform Knights theoretically can hammer them. But that wont happen. It will be a respectable loss.
North Geelong Warriors 1 – Melbourne Knights 3.

Saturday 7th March @ 7:00PM, Dandenong Thunder vs Green Gully, George Andrews Reserve
Dandy had a 1-2 loss against a ten man Bentleigh, after the storm that swept through Melbourne last week turned off the lights with five minutes to go. As over 80% of the match was already played, the result stands. Ten man Green Gully had an excellent win over Oakleigh and that has them in third position. This is also a difficult one to call. If it wasn’t Andy Vargas who got sent off, then I’d pick Gully [it was Roddy; Andy's retired. Ed.]. But we all know that Vargas is a key player. Dandy would be fuming after last week, and I think they will the collect three points. Dandy Thunder 2 – Green Gully 0.

Sunday 8th March @ 3:00PM, Werribee City vs South Melbourne, Galvin Park
The match of the round again! South got the result at North Geelong, and Werribee made it very hard for Heidelberg, squeezing them all over that small fucken park. Why do you arseholes play all the teams on that smaller ground eh? Play everyone on the main pitch, not that crappy one. The FFV needs to step in here and make sure pissy little clubs like Werribee nominate one pitch and use it for the whole season, just like every other club0! The sooner you clowns get relegated, the better! South is going to come to your ground and once again, give you a football lesson. South is getting better by the week, and to be honest this fixturing suits us. We should be hitting form by about now, and I'm sure CT has them all worked up, like rabid greyhounds waiting to jump onto that bunny! We are South Melbourne, Team of the Century, we don’t lose to teams like fucken Werribee! Werribee City 0 – South Melbourne 5.

Sunday 8th March @ 4:00PM, Heidelberg United vs Bentleigh Greens, Olympic Village
The Bergers struggled against the odds at Werribee last week with a very late winner. Bentleigh was and wasn’t comfortable at Dandenong. Both teams with a full collection of points for the moment. Another difficult one! Webster being sent off for Bentleigh will hurt them, and will also be the deal breaker in this one. Heidelberg United 2 – Bentleigh Greens 0.

Sunday 8th March @ 5:15PM, Oakleigh Cannons vs Hume City, Jack Edwards Reserve
HAHA Oakleigh. COOOOOO-EEEEEEEEE! The Galacticos aren’t doing well at all. Really struggling so far. Hume is one & one. Hume is yet to convince anybody of their recruitment drive, while Oakleigh is still hoping to one day stick a trophy in that dusty cabinet. Will probably be the scrappiest game of the round. I wouldn’t bother even going. Oakleigh Cannons 2 – Hume City 0.

Twitter Chatter
I was added to some twitter garbage this week in relation to how drinks can be sold at grounds. Cans, bottles, plastic cups etc, etc. A very interesting conversation. I was sent an email about four years ago from a fan of the blog in relation to this. Read the two emails below, first up the initial email.

From: xxxxxxxxSent: 03,2011To: FFVSubject: Bar sales 

Hello. 

I can't find for the life of me in the Rules of Competition or the GDT By-Laws, the rules relating to the sale of drinks from the bar. 

Specifically how must they be sold? Bottles, Cans, Plastic Cups? 

Can someone please point me in the correct direction.

This was the FFV's response.

From: xxxxxx@footballfedvic.com.au
Date: 03,2011
Subject: RE: Bar sales
To: xxxxxxxx 

Hi xxxxxxx, 

At the moment there are no specific FFV rules regarding how to serve alcohol. We are in the process of working on a serving of alcohol policy but in the meantime we would highly recommend serving in plastic cups. 

I hope this helps. 

Regards xxxxx

A few points about this reply. No one has ever seen a ‘serving of alcohol’ policy, and what the FFV recommends is pretty much garbage.

What gets under my bonnet is when the smartarse behind the counter cracks open your can of drink. It’s like, hey wog, wtf are you doing eh? Your fingers are all greasy from that shit you're cooking and now I have to put my lips on that can. This whole opening the can does my balls. I don’t see the point of it to be honest. Because like, yeah, an opened can cannot travel as far as a sealed can when thrown. Yeah great theory, dickheads!

Then you go to other grounds and the bitch behind the counter is a fucken smartarse who cracks open your Gatorade and keeps the lid. When you question why, she throws the ‘that’s the FFV rules’, Well like fuck it is you fucking goose! I refuse to have any of my drinks poured into plastic. As soon as they get that plastic cup and start pouring, I just don’t pay. Frankly I couldn’t give a flying fuck, but out of principle I want to have it how it's packaged.

Not because some power tripping bitch working on cash money tries to dictate to me what’s right and what’s wrong. Beer OK. I can understand glass bottles being put in plastic, but I won’t accept a can. Then you have other places where the person serving you has no gloves, is handling money and food with the same hand, then they wonder why people get fucken sick! There are a handful of grounds where I outright refuse to eat from. The health certificates from the local councils are pretty much just there for show, with some dating back to 1998 if you look closely. At least I can say that my arsehole goes home intact and I don’t have to worry about a shitter on the way home.

Club Gripe
Where is my sticker from my membership pack!

Black rice and a beer - Kiss of Death, round 2, 2015

Friday 27th February, Port Melbourne vs Pascoe Vale @ 8:30, SS Anderson Reserve
Port Melbourne walloped Hume City 1-3 and Pascoe Vale copped three against the Bergers. Now, let’s not look too much into Port's win. They’re a bunch of men who played a very raw bunch of boys. Yeah three goals is good, but really, look at the quality of your opposition. Pascoe at least can say, we played a decent team and yeah, OK, we copped three. Will be a very interesting match, and from my view a very difficult one to call. Port are usually good starters 'til around round four, then they fade out. Pascoe take a while to start playing OK football. Based purely on that fact and nothing else, Port should win this one. Port Melbourne 2 – Pascoe Vale 1.

Friday 27th February, Melbourne Knights vs Northcote City @ 8:30, Knights StadiumThe Knights had a woeful first half last week against Avondale, but found their feet in the second half to win 3-1. Northcote City had a tough first outing at Green Gully and got hammered 4-1. The Knights need to realise that football is a game of 90 minutes, not 45. They had a brain fade in the second half vs South in the Community Shield, and a brain fade against Avondale in the first half last week. Northcote played more than half the match at Gully with 10 men, in what my sources tell me was a yellow card at worst. Yeah, you could say unlucky, but then again, they were at an unforgiving Gully. If the Knights are able to concentrate for 90 minutes, then they should have no issue disposing of Northcote. Melbourne Knights 2 – Northcote City 0.

Saturday 28th February, Green Gully vs Oakleigh Cannons @ 3:00, Green Gully Reserve
Gully hammered Northcote 4-1, and Oakleigh as expected lost to South Melbourne 1-0. Gully were clinical against Northcote. Haven’t heard any rave reviews about them yet, and I’m not going to kick that off. Oakleigh though, well, are they better than last year? No. I think they have too many egos this year. They were OK against South, but weren’t threatening. They will be looking to bounce back against Green Gully, but Gully is on a high. They will be too good. Green Gully 2 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.

Saturday 28th February, North Geelong vs South Melbourne @ 5:00, Elcho Park
Match of the round! North Geelong had a bit of a trip down to Bentleigh last week and left empty handed. South was at home in their plush surroundings by the lake and had an OK win against Oakleigh. Although unconvincing last week, South still is the team of the century and we don’t lose to teams like North Geelong. South needs to improve. We weren’t the best and were playing with fire towards the end. Nikola Roganovic was brilliant. Kept us in it with three magical saves in the last ten minutes. News has it that Peter Gavalas will be out for another five weeks. If Nikola has a ripper next 5 weeks, then Petey will be warming the bench. Regardless, we are human too, and we wish Peter Gavalas a speedy recovery. My only concern with South is Dane Milovanovic who looks like a goose, and gets lost in the midfield, and Stirton who is underdone like my mate's chicken sticks. I will be touching down at Avalon some time in the mid morning, heading to Cunningham Pier for an autograph session, then chauffeur driven to Elcho Park. There I will expect VIP treatment, pivo on tap and crni rižot, Riba na gradele i blitva and Janjetina s ražnja. I also expect a better South performance this week by a literal country mile. We rode all our luck last week, and have none left. Now, it’s time to play football! North Geelong 0 – South Melbourne 3.

Saturday 28th February, Dandenong Thunder vs Bentleigh Greens @ 7:00, George Andrews Reserve
Dandy beat Werribee 1-2 last week and Bentleigh beat the newcomers North Geelong 2-0. Was expected to be a tough game for Dandy last weekend, and it was. Scrappy affair that copped the rain halfway through it. But they dug in, and left with three points. Bentleigh had a somewhat more comfortable result against North Geelong. But bang for buck Bentleigh didn't show much last week, where you could say, 'WOW! What a team!'. Will be a difficult visit to Dandy. Dandy have things to prove and they won’t just sit back and let Bentleigh come. Expect plenty of goals at this one. Dandenong Thunder 2 – Bentleigh Greens 3.

Sunday 1st March, Hume City vs Avondale FC @ 3:00, Broadmeadows Valley Park
Hume went down to Port and Avondale had a tough welcome to the NPL at the Knights. Won’t say too much about this match because I really don’t have much to say, surprise, surprise. But, I will say that this will be Avondale FC’s first win. If they can do to Hume what they did to the knights in the first half, then hume should be worried. Hume City 1 – Avondale FC 2.

Sunday 1st March, Werribee City vs Heidelberg Utd @ 3:00, Galvin Park
This match has Heidelberg win written all over it. If they can beat a stubborn Pascoe Vale 3-0, then imagine what they can do to a shithouse Werribee! Werribee City 0 –Heidelberg United 4.

Soccer's back - Kiss of Death, Round 1, 2015

I did promise Paul a season preview this week. But to be honest, I cant be fucked reviewing something that’s been previewed countless times by other websites. Waste of my time. I have however studied round one, and I can give you my tips for the start of the season.

Thursday 19 February, South Melbourne vs Oakleigh Cannons @8:15, Lakeside Stadium
I’d call this one the clash of the titans, but it’s more Titan vs Minnow. South has had an excellent recruitment drive in the off-season. Signing no less than ten players, and releasing nine. Now before everyone points the finger, Dimi Tsiaras has retired, Jamie Reed has moved to Wales, and the other seven were if anything, bench players. The ten we have signed are pretty much all first eleven players. There will be a lot of competition and headaches for Taylor this season, which is a good thing. We lacked depth last season, and I mean quality depth. These signing have made depth a non-issue. South the side to watch this season. Oakleigh as usual are being overrated by everyone. They sign one or two fancy names and everyone starts pulling themselves. Calm the fuck down. South signs a few and it's “South's stealing our players”. The double standards, eh? They have an, 'eh', not bad team at Oakleigh, but not championship winners. Mentally it will always sit in the back of their heads. They are not a big enough character to deserve anything, and their trophy cabinet will be sitting bare for a while to come. South Melbourne 3 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.

Friday 20th February, Bentleigh Greens vs North Geelong @ 8:30, Kingston Heath
Bentleigh are still on their high from their FFA Cup run, where they played no team of note. Big fucken deal really. Have as usual splashed the cash and made signings, which I think are useless and unnecessary. North Geelong have an issue with leaking goals. Only had two clean sheets last season. However, they should still offer good value to this league in their maiden appearance [Let's not forget they did win the predecessor VPL competition in 1992. Ed.]. If they don’t have any coaching issues midway through the season, I can see them trying to force themselves into the finals series. Bentleigh Greens 2 – North Geelong Warriors 1.

Friday 20 February, Melbourne Knights vs Avondale FC @ 8:30, Knights Stadium
Watched the Knights last Friday night against South Melbourne for the Community Shield. They were woeful. It pains me to say it, but they will struggle. Their transfers in the off season have been poor. If they get the injuries they got last year, they’re fucked. Avondale FC have their turn in the NPL after being promoted again (three out of four seasons). They too have signed no one of note. You know, when you come to play with the big boys, you need to have some depth and players who can turn it on. Avondale have come into NPL with pretty much the same team. It will be a tough lesson for them. Melbourne Knights 3 – Avondale FC 1.

Sunday 22 February, Heidelberg United vs Pascoe Vale @ 3:00, Epping Stadium
Haven’t seen the Bergers yet, but by all accounts they have recruited well. Katsakis always seems to pluck these players out of nowhere and this season is no exception I suppose. I have no idea where or how he finds them, but they always seem to surprise. Pascoe Vale have a new ground this season, thank fuck for that. Their old ground is more of an antique now. They have signed three new players of not much calibre. Last year they were stubborn fucks, but this year everyone else's patience has worn thin. Expect Pascoe to finish in the bottom half of the table. Heidelberg United 2 – Pascoe Vale. 1.

Sunday 22 February, Hume City vs Port Melbourne @ 3:00, Broadmeadows Valley Park
Hume has gone on a spree, snapping up a bunch of NPL youth players. Are these players ready for the step up into senior football? No. Are Hume wasting their time? Yes. Will they have a strong campaign? No. Will they make the finals? No. Are they they a team to watch? Fucken LOL no! Port Melbourne have signed Trent Rixon, Alan Kearney and Shaun Kelly, just to name a few. Should other clubs be worried? No. We will see our first coaching change by round six. Eric Vass will be gone and Gus Tsolakis will be moved into his seat. You can see it already. Eric is being set up to fail. The clique has formed at Port and Eric will not be able to control it. Hume City 1 – Port Melbourne 1.

Sunday 22 February, Werribee City vs Dandenong Thunder @ 3:00, Galvin Park
Werribee City are already in relegation trouble and the season hasn't even started yet. Poor signings, poor friendly performances, poor youth team. They are doomed. Don’t bother tipping this team all season. Dead wood. Wasting everybody's time. Dandy Thunder, if they didn't have Stuart Munro, I’d have them down for relegation as well. All sorts of issues off the park, which has left a minimal budget on the park. Won’t get relegated, but will finish 3rd last, opa opa rok der! Werribee City 2 – Dandenong Thunder 2.

Monday 23 February, Green Gully vs Northcote City @ 8:30, Green Gully Reserve
Why would a team like Green Gully sign three players from Bendigo City? People have lost the plot. Overall poor recruitment drive. Disappointing. They've also signed Rani Dawisha from South Springvale Aris. Big jump for the young boy, will be under a shitload of pressure. Northcote has been raped and pillaged in the off-season. I dunno, really, I dunno. They’re one of those teams that always ends up being a pain in your arse somewhere through the season. Just wish they would go away. Green Gully 2 – Northcote City 2.

Kiss of Death, round 13, 2014

Friday 13 June @ 8:30PM Bentleigh Greens vs Melbourne Knights
Bentleigh had a good away win 0-3 at Hume last week and the Knights beat the Ballarat Red Devils 4-2 at home. This is a danger game for the Knights. Lose this and you're gone for the season. Bentleigh will also need to win in order to have some hopes of doing something this season. Bentleigh will be the winner and convincingly at that with a 3-0 win.

Friday 13 June @ 8:30PM Pascoe Vale vs Green Gully
Gully had a massive 6-2 at home to Northcote while Pascoe Vale had a 0-2 win at Port Melbourne on Friday night. Gully's resurgence is somewhat what we are accustomed to. Their mid-season rise usually hits about now, and they are on schedule to finish in the top three. Pascoe Vale 0 – Green Gully 4.

Saturday 14 June @ 3:00PM Ballarat Red Devils vs Oakleigh Cannons 
Oakleigh celebrated last week's 3-0 win over South like they had won a final or some shit. Fucken morons. Ballarat had a 4-2 away loss at Somers Street. No biggy. They will beat those fucks from Oakleigh, and put them back under their rock. Fuck Oakleigh. Ballarat Red Devils 2 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.


Saturday 14 June @ 7:00PM Dandenong Thunder vs Heidelberg United 
Dandy is a shambles. However they had a good win at Shepparton 0-4. Heidelberg suffered a 2-2 draw at home to Werribee City. Danger game for the Bergers, however they will be three goals too good for Dandenong. Dandenong thunder 0 – Heidelberg 3.

Sunday 15 June @ 3:00PM Northcote City vs Hume City
Northcote, pfft. 6-2 losers to Gully last week and Hume 0-3 losers to Bentleigh at home. They also got knocked off by Springvale Aris midweek in the cup 0-3. Northcote will bounce back and beat Hume. Acevski bye bye after this one. Northcote City 3 – Hume City 0

Sunday 15 June @ 3:00PM Werribee City vs Port Melbourne Sharks
Werribee had a respectable 2-2 draw at the Olympic Village last week, while Port lost to Pascoe vale 0-2 at home. Werribee is under pressure internally and the players know this. Coach has threatened to bring in a whole new team at the transfer window. Werribee City 2 – Port Melbourne 0.

Sunday 15 June @ 5:00PM South Melbourne vs Goulburn Valley Suns
South had a 3-0 loss at Oakleigh and the Suns were trounced 0-4 by Dandenong. South last week started off well, however after the break we ran out of legs. Expected after three games in 9 days. Oakleigh wasn’t that good, but did enough. This week South will bounce back with a 9-0 win over the Suns.

Kiss of Death, Round 12, 2014

Port Melbourne Sharks vs Pascoe Vale - Friday 06 June @ 8:30PM @ SS Anderson Reserve
Port Melbourne lost at home 2-4 to Bentleigh, and Pascoe Vale had a good 0-2 win at Goulburn Valley. Port is a rabble. All over the shop. Possibly the most inconsistent team in this year's competition. In saying that, Pascoe Vale aren’t much chop either - but they’re enough chop to beat the Sharks. Port Melbourne Sharks 2 – Pascoe Vale 3.

Green Gully vs Northcote City - Saturday 07 June @ 3:00PM @ Green Gully Reserve
Green Gully was somewhat on the up since their 1-0 win over the Knights last week, but suffered an embarrassing 1-4 loss on Wednesday in the Cup. Northcote drew 1-1 at the Bergers in a somewhat exciting encounter. Gully will bounce back from the midweek embarrassment and beat Northcote City quite convincingly. Green Gully 3 – Northcote City 0.

Goulburn Valley Suns vs Dandenong Thunder - Saturday 07 June @ 6:30PM @ Shepparton
The relegation bound Goulburn Valley Suns might as well start planning for next year's NPL1. There is no way back for them now, considering after Dandy they have South at Lakeside. Dandy was taught a footballing lesson last week in their 5-0 hammering at South Melbourne. They were a different team to the one that lost 0-1 to South in the Cup. They must’ve played all their cards wrong! They will bounce back and beat the Suns no problemo. Goulburn Valley Suns 1 – Dandy Thunder 3.

Hume City vs Bentleigh Greens - Sunday 08 June 14 @ 3:00PM @ Broadmeadows Valley
Hume had a good 1-3 win at Ballarat, while Bentleigh beat the Sharks 2-4 in a thriller. This should be a good game to watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Both teams usually play at full pace and always like going for the kill. Hume City 2 – Bentleigh Greens 1.

Melbourne Knights vs Ballarat Red Devils - Sunday 08 June @ 3:00PM @ Somers Street
A depleted Knights recovered from their weekend loss at Gully, and bounced back with a 1-4 midweek Cup win. The Devils lost at home to Hume and seem to have lost their way. The Knights will also need to rock up to Lakeside 48 hours later for a Cup tie against the high-flying South. Melbourne Knights 2 – Ballarat Red Devils 1.

Heidelberg United vs Werribee City - Sunday 08 June @ 5:00PM @ Olympic Village
Heidelberg hit a stumbling block in their 1-1 draw with Northcote. A late equaliser gave them some hope of catching South. Hahaha, yeah right. Werribee were unlucky in their 2-0 loss at Oakleigh, with a saved penalty which would’ve brought them back to 1-1. I cant see the Bergers losing to those hacks from Werribee. In saying that, both teams like to hack a little, so expect plenty of cards. Heidelberg United 2 – Werribee City 1.

Oakleigh Cannons vs South Melbourne - Friday 06 June @ 8:30PM @ Jack Edwards Reserve
The game of the season. Second place, -9 points Oakleigh host first place +9 points South Melbourne. I’ve seen Oakleigh a few times this year and they ain't too impressive. South are having their moments but are quite frankly unbeatable. South is at full strength, while Oakleigh who cares. They could play with 12 and still lose. South inflicted major carnage on Dandenong last week. A 0-1 extra time win for the Cup and a 5-0 drilling on Sunday. South was very good on Sunday. Every team seems to give their all against us early on, then die in the arse once they cop the first. Every team seems more nervous against conceding rather than scoring. It’s not a matter of how many, but when. Because like our previous coach used to say, “one day we’re gonna absolutely batter a team”. Well, that happened, but not under his tenure. Chris Taylor my friends is the ‘Gamia’ like they say in Greek. Loosely translated to “The Fucker”. I wouldn’t be surprised if the players wear condoms during the game for when the time comes to open up the opposition. The opposition starts off well lubed for when it happens. Oakleigh is no different. They will all be well lubed up for the gangbang we are going to see on Friday night. There should be a bumper crowd at Jack Edwards and as usual these muppets get to play us at home first. How does this work every year? We are yet to play these clowns at our ground first up [we played them at home first in 2009, 2010 (at Kingston Heath) and 2013 - Ed.]. Either way, I couldn’t care if we played them on the moon. We would still beat them.

Autumn and Winter - NPL match previews, round 11, 2014

Friday 30th May, 8:30PM, Port Melbourne Sharks vs Bentleigh Greens, SS Anderson Reserve
Port were never going to be championship material this year, and after copping a rough draw in the cup - they got bundled out by Northcote at the first hurdle - there's little for them to play for in the rest of the season except pride. Or so one would think, except after last week's loss to Melbourne Knights, Port find themselves well and truly stuck in the relegation dogfight, just three points above the drop zone.

Within the space of four weeks, Bentleigh have turned from championship challengers to mid-table muddlers, after a disastrous run which has seen them take just one point from a possible twelve - and that was against Goulburn Valley. Last year's runners up are still in the cup for now - they have a tricky tie against Bulleen next week - but their league ambitions are probably done like a dinner, game in hand or not.

Though it's only round 11, owing to the anomalies of the fixture this will be Port's seventh home game - they've only picked up three points (all draws) from the previous six home games. Expect the Greens to finally pull their finger out and get a win.

Saturday 31st May, 3:00PM, Green Gully vs Melbourne Knights, Green Gully Reserve
Has Green Gully finally settled down after a tumultuous start to the year? Even if one didn't quite expect Gully to be up near the top, probably no one expected them to be fighting their way out of relegation - at least not with the quality, albeit somewhat aged, players in their squad.

Knights ran all over the top of Port last week to finally break a run of six or so consecutive league losses, but still find themselves outside the relegation zone only by goal difference at the moment.

The two sides meet again next week in the Dockerty Cup, for the right to play South in the quarter finals, and a spot in the FFA Cup. Quite where the sides will put their priorities for both matches is anyone's guess, but  with their injury crisis it's not like Knights have much of a choice either way.

Saturday 31st May, 3:00PM, Ballarat Red Devils vs Hume City, Morshead Park
Ballarat are just one point above the relegation zone. Sure, they have their perennial game in hand against Bentleigh, and have the advantage of not having to play South again this season, but if they don't start picking up points soon, things will start getting dicey, even though we're not even halfway through the season.

The difference between Hume's best and worst is probably the biggest in the competition. Their league title chase is gone; their cup run is still alive - and they have a favourable draw in th next round to boot; yet they also find themselves just four points above the relegation zone, which is a pretty crap place to be in for a team that is clearly not short of talented players.

All things considered, a draw is actually a rare occurrence in soccer, but this is where this one's heading. Prove me wrong.

Saturday 31st May, 6:30PM, Goulburn Valley Suns vs Pascoe Vale, McEwan Reserve
Goulburn Valley keep plugging away, but for the most part are clearly off even mid-table NPL pace. Lose this one against Pascoe Vale, and they'll be pretty much sure to join fellow regional teams FC Bendigo, North Geelong and the newly minted Murray United in NPL1 next year.

For their part, Pascoe Vale are this close to being a lower mid-table plodder as opposed to staring relegation in the face. Apart from one caning at the start of the year, they've been competitive in pretty much every game, and even managed to take Oakleigh's scalp last week.

A draw won't be much good for either team, and I think that's what's going to happen.

Saturday 31st May, 7:30PM, Oakleigh Cannons vs Werribee City, Jack Edwards Reserve
Oakleigh were dealt a major blow last week with their first loss of the league season to Pascoe Vale, and now find themselves nine points behind South, and level on points with Heidelberg.

Despite being the only team to have lost to Goulburn Valley this season, Werribee somehow find themselves a smidgen higher up the ladder than many of their struggler counterparts, and now that they're out of the cup, they can focus entirely on staying out of the relegation zone.

Oakleigh lost to this opponent, at this venue, in the cup a month or two ago - after not realising that it doubled up as FFA Cup qualification - but they won't lose this one. This week and next will be as good a chance as Oaks will get to close the gap on South, and a stuff up here

Sunday 1st June, 5:00PM, South Melbourne vs Dandenong Thunder, Lakeside Stadium
South has looked flat for the best part of a month now - the second half against Bentleigh excepted - but just keep on getting the points. Even being swamped for the better part of 90 minutes against Thunder in the cup midweek didn't see them lose.

Thunder have been the most inconsistent team in the league - one week brilliant, the next week horrendous. Sometimes they even decide to switch halfway through a match.

When will South lose? Will this be the week where their winning streak bubble finally bursts? Which team will have the legs to run out the game, backing up after 120 minutes of classic midweek cup action? Buggered if I know.

Sunday 1st June, 5:00PM, Heidelberg United vs Northcote City, Olympic Village
Heidelberg have won something like six in a row, and their two losses early in the season - to South and Oaks - now look like if not quite an aberration, than at least understandable, considering that those two sides take up first and second on the ladder ten weeks in.

Northcote are not the team they were last year. The reigning champs have stumbled their way through the season, but on their day can still push the leading teams. They're also still in the cup, having eliminated Werribee midweek.

This is a local derby which has picked up some relevance and cachet in recent years, so it's a pity that it's on at the same time as South vs Dandy. Heidelberg's run has to end sometime, and Northcote is as good as candidate as any to do it.

Kiss of Death, round 10, 2014

Bentleigh Greens vs Heidelberg United - Friday 23 May 14 @ 8:30PM @ Kingston Heath
Bentleigh had a disappointing 1-1 draw at Goulburn Valley, while the Bergers continued on their merry way with a 1-0 win over the Knights. A Greek derby somewhat. Should get a decent crowd, if Hellas fans aren’t doing anything on the Friday night. Bentleigh is hot and cold, and the Bergers have hit a hot streak. I don’t think this will matter in the derby environment. Bentleigh Greens 1 – Heidelberg United 1.

Pascoe Vale vs Oakleigh Cannons - Friday 23 May 14 @ 8:30PM @ Hosken Reserve
Pascoe Vale was unlucky at South losing 1-0, while Oakleigh drew 1-1 at home to Northcote which drew the cheers of the crowd at Lakeside when announced. Pascoe aren’t too bad. Attacking wise they are fine, midfield they are fine, defensively they are improving yet have a long way to go. Their tackles leave a lot to be desired. Will they be able to beat the Cannons? Oakleigh is losing pace on first placed South. six points behind, and they will be looking to keep up or close the gap if South was to lose on Sunday. Pascoe Vale 2 – Oakleigh Cannons 2.

Dandenong Thunder vs Ballarat Red Devils - Saturday 24 May 14 @ 7:00PM @ George Andrews Reserve
Dandenong had a shock 0-3 loss at home to Werribee, while Ballarat won their first home game 3-2 against Gully. What’s happening at Dandy? If some chojek opa rok bro can explain the situation, it will be handy. However, I still think Dandy will be too good for Ballarat and won’t go into meltdown with 20 to go. Dandenong Thunder 2 – Ballarat Red Devils 1.

Hume City vs Green Gully - Sunday 25 May 14 @ 3:00PM @ Broadmeadows Valley Park
Hume had a 1-1 draw at Port Melbourne, while Gully lost 3-2 away at Ballarat. Gully has the worst defence in the league having conceded 25 goals. Hume have the third best only conceding 10. If my calculations are correct, Hume should win this one. Hume City 2 – Green Gully 0.

Melbourne Knights vs Port Melbourne Sharks - Sunday 25 May 14 @ 3:00PM @ Somers Street
Melbourne Knights lost to an own goal at the Bergers last week 1-0, while Port Melbourne drew 1-1 at home to Hume. The only thing keeping the Knights out of relegation is their goal difference of -6. Port on the other hand unfortunately, are not in relegation trouble. Oh how I wish they were. Melbourne Knights 2 – Port Melbourne Sharks 0.

Northcote City vs Goulburn Valley Suns - Sunday 25 May 14 @ 3:00PM @ John Cain Memorial Park
Northcote had a 1-1 draw at Oakleigh, while Goulburn Valley Suns held Bentleigh to a 1-1 draw. This will be an interesting match. Northcote are at the same level as the Suns. I reckon Northcote might be a tad too good by a bee's dick and beat the Suns. Northcote City 2 – Goulburn Valley Suns 1.

Werribee City FC vs South Melbourne FC - Sun 25 May 14 @ 03:00PM @ Galvin Park
The match of the round. Werribee stunned the footballing world with a late 0-3 win at Dandenong, while South wasn’t good, but wasn’t bad beating Pascoe Vale 1-0 at home. South is now nine games, nine wins. A record in anyone's language. Speaking of language, has anyone visited Werribee's webpage recently? Scroll down and check out the match write up, in Italian! Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is not allowed under the rules of competition. No ethnic clubs allowed to advertise their ethnicity. I expect the FFV to drag them to the tribunal over this. This is an outrage! I’ll be jetting into Avalon and taking the short trip to Werribee. Have never been there before so don’t know what to expect. Will there be Italian flags everywhere? Will there be Italian style Ultras ? Should I go casual to survive, or should I wear club colors? South weren’t bad or good last week, but ground out the result against a Pascoe Vale side who was intent on not conceding. Instead they were happy to chop at will, while the referee destroyed the game. Some decisions were daft. Fucken woeful. FFV, give us some decent refs FFS! South will be looking to get their 10th win in a row at Werribee. They are an unknown quantity and will always be a danger game. They will not spoil the party of the team of the century. We are South Melbourne, we DO NOT lose to shit teams like Werribee. Leigh Minopoulos will hopefully go on a rampage. Werribee City 0 – South Melbourne 4.

Kiss of Death, round 9, 2014

Port Melbourne Sharks vs Hume City - Friday 16 May @ 8:30PM @ SS Anderson Reserve
Port Melbourne had the tougher of the 2 tasks last weekend disposing easily of the Ballarat Red Devils, while Hume had a 4-1 win at home to Goulburn Valley. Will be an interesting match with Hume only having conceded nine goals. Port on the other hand have scored and conceded 15. I think Hume will be too good for Port, with them just nudging over the line.  Port Melbourne Sharks 1 – Hume City 2.

Ballarat Red Devils vs Green Gully - Saturday 17 May 14 @ 3:00PM @ Morshead Park
Ballarat lost at home to Port Melbourne 0-4, while Gully once again got thumped 4-0 away to the Bergers. Ballarat has somewhat impressed me, but their discipline is their let down. Red cards in the last few matches have cost them points. Gully is having the shittest start in their history, and will most likely start rebuilding as of this weekend. Ballarat will finally get their first win at home and third overall for the season. Ballarat Red Devils 3 – Green Gully 1.

Goulburn Valley Suns vs Bentleigh Greens - Saturday 17 May 14 @ 6:30PM @ Jack McEwen Reserve
Goulburn Valley has a new coach as of last weekend. Peter Zois is the man at the helm and he has some work to do with the Suns. Bentleigh lost 2-1 at South last week and weren’t too bad for the first 45 minutes. In the second half they fell to shit. They looked like they were more worried about losing than winning. Johnny A left his subs too late, and if he had made them earlier, the scoreline might have been different. They will however be too good for the rabble that are the Goulburn Valley Suns. Goulburn Valley Suns 0 – Bentleigh Greens 3.

Dandenong Thunder vs Werribee City - Saturday 17 May 14 @ 7:00PM @ George Andrews Reserve
Dandenong had a good 1-3 win at Northcote, while Werribee drew 1-1 with Pascoe Vale, missing a penalty in the 92nd minute. Dandenong is hot and cold. They can't make up their mind if they’re winning or losing. Werribee is yet to find its feet. For their information, you wont find Leigh Minopoulos either, he’s at South. No Leigh Minopoulos, no Werribee City. Dandenong Thunder 3 – Werribee City 0.

Oakleigh Cannons vs Northcote City - Sunday 18 May 14 @ 3:15PM @ Jack Edwards Reserve
Oakleigh had a 3-1 win over the Knights, while Northcote City struggled 1-3 against Dandy. I witnessed the last 20 minutes or so of last week's Oaks vs Knights match and wasn’t too impressed with Oakleigh at 2-1 to be honest. I don’t see what the big deal is. They have more weaknesses than strengths. The Knights were severely depleted, so I’d take that win with a grain of salt. Northcote. HAHA. Suck it. Keep Rixon and all the others at John Cain. Showponies. Oakleigh Cannons 3 – Northcote City 0.

South Melbourne vs Pascoe Vale - Sunday 18 May 14 @ 5:00PM @ Lakeside Stadium
South beat Bentleigh 2-1 and Pascoe Vale left Werribee 1-1. The first half last week wasn’t too flash for South. As mentioned further up, Bentleigh looked like a team who were more worried about losing, rather than winning. Holding possession, stupid passes, and time wasting were all part of Bentleigh's pathetic attempt to beat the Team of the Century. If Johnny A made those subs earlier, they might’ve had a sniff. The second half South dominated, and were silly to concede that goal at the end. The ref, well what a dick. Six minutes of injury time for what exactly? Douche. Pascoe Vale were lucky at Werribee last week. In the 92nd minute Werribee missed a penalty and let Pascoe get away with one pint. But ah well. South Melbourne 3 – Pascoe Vale 0.

Heidelberg United vs Melbourne Knights - Sunday 18 May 14 @ 6:00PM @ Olympic Village
Heidelberg had their way 4-0 with Gully, while the Knights were unlucky I felt losing 3-1 at Oakleigh. The Knights are pretty much fucked at the moment. Injuries, injuries and more injuries. The Bergers find themselves in unfamiliar territory sitting third on the ladder. Have they been playing well? Not really, but well enough to collect points, which is all that matters this year. Get the points, finish first, and the title is yours. Heidelberg United 3 – Melbourne Knights 0.

Rumours and Innuendo
Smfcboard.com – Moron Alert.
The shit people write on there is pathetic. I was tipped off by a user that apparently, Leigh Minopoulos is unhappy and is looking to leave the club in June for first team football. What a crock. I’ve made a few phone calls overnight, Melbourne time. Leigh Minopoulos is NOT unhappy at South, Leigh Minopoulos is NOT leaving South, Leigh Minopoulos understands HIS role at South, South is one big happy family with 8 from 8. I got a few screenshots provided as well. Apparently some dick has gone and put that Leigh Minopoulos is in talks with Altona East (your team Paul), and that they were beaten to his signature by Melbourne Tornado (does this team even exist). Funny thing is, a few people fell for it!

Donuts
A cheerio goes out to Pascoe Vale president Lou Tona (@LouTona) who started following me on twitter @KODFootball. We had a good chat about the pizza and food delicacies down at Hosken Reserve. Apparently, the donuts down at Hosken Reserve are “quality”. Apparently, “introduce yourself next time and I will buy you some doughnuts”, “I will organise with latte”. Lou also went on to offer myself and Paul Mavroudis free entry into the match at Hosken when South plays there.

This my friends, is a president! A man who not only loves his team, but appreciates the people who go out of their way to write about football in this state. Unlike those mutts down at FFV who don’t even issue media passes! Lou Tona, I take my hat off to you. You are a gentleman, a true lover of the sport. Unfortunately, South will beat you guys this Sunday at Lakeside.

Kiss of Death, Round 8, 2014

Oakleigh Cannons FC vs Melbourne Knights FC - Friday @ 08:30PM @ Jack Edwards Reserve
Oakleigh had an out of the ordinary 6-0 win at home against Dandenong Thunder last week. It was 3-0 with 10 minutes to play and Oakleigh decided to give a 10 man Dandenong three more. The Knights are finished. They are done for the season. Either Marth will be sacked, or they will keep him on stupidly and start rebuilding for next season. Only one point separates a very injury depleted Knights from relegation. I’ve heard that Covarrubias is also gone for the season. Tough times ahead. It’s gonna be a long, long, long season for the Knights. Oakleigh 4 – Melbourne Knights 1. #MarthOut

Northcote City FC vs Dandenong Thunder SC - Saturday @ 03:00PM @ John Cain Memorial
Northcote had a loss at home to the Port Melbourne Sharts 2-3, while Dandenong got thumped 6-0 by Oakleigh. Northcote continues their hot and cold start to the season, while Dandy will still be licking its wounds from last week. Northcote will be too good for a poor Dandenong. Northcote City 2 – Dandenong Thunder 1. #NorthcoteObsession

Ballarat Red Devils SC vs Port Melbourne Sharks SC - Saturday @ 07:45PM @ Moreshead Park
Ballarat had a 1-2 loss at home to South, while the Sharts had a come from behind 2-3 win at Northcote. Ballarat. Please do not call your facility a ‘stadium’. It comes nowhere near a stadium as known to the Western World. It’s a fucken building site. I’m surprised each fan wasn’t inducted and given a union ticket to enter the site. An unfinished venue is NOT the place for an NPL match. FFV pull your fingers out and implement your stadium guidelines competition wide. Please, for the love of God! To the Sharts fans travelling, take an umbrella, a storm proof jacket and gumboots. Not that any of you will travel. Ballarat Red Devils 2 – Port Melbourne Sharts 0. #BRDShitGround

Hume City FC vs Goulburn Valley Suns FC – Sunday @ 03:00PM @ Broadmeadows Valley
Hume had an easy 2-0 win at home to the Knights, while the newly coached GV Suns had their first win down at Galvin Park vs Werribee 1-2. Hume should on paper have three points in the bag against the Suns, but you never know. Nah, actually I do know. Hume City 3 – Goulburn Valley Suns 0. #HumeAreBetterThanTheGVSuns

Werribee City FC vs Pascoe Vale SC – Sunday @ 03:00PM @ Galvin Park
Werribee was disappointing in their 1-2 loss to GV Suns, while Pascoe Vale had a 3-2 loss at the Bergers. I dunno what's happening down at Werribee. Pascoe Vale should bounce back. Werribee City 1 – Pascoe Vale 3. #NoLeighMinoNoWerribee

South Melbourne FC vs Bentleigh Greens SC - Sunday @ 05:00PM @ Lakeside Stadium
The pick of the round. First vs third, South's latest test. Look, I'm not impressed with Bentleigh, have never been. I just don’t think they’re the real deal. South had a 1-2 win down at a shitty weathered Ballarat while Bentleigh had a surprising 3-2 loss at Gully. That’s the reason they don’t impress me. South on the other hand impresses everyone. Unbeaten in the league and cup, firing on all cylinders, all round team effort. We are the team to beat, and Bentleigh will attempt the impossible. They may as well not rock up. We are the Oceania Team of the Century and we do not lose to suburban clubs from Moorabbin. South Melbourne 3 – Bentleigh Greens 0. #SouthTooGood

Heidelberg United SC vs Green Gully SC - Sunday @ 06:00PM @ Olympic Village
Heidelberg beat Pascoe Vale 3-2, while Gully beat Bentleigh 3-2. Both teams won 3-2! Bergers are doing not bad by their standards, somewhat steadying the ship, Gully is hit and miss. Will be plenty of goals at this one, but Gully will be too good. Heidelberg United 3 – Green Gully 4. #ShitClubsNoCrowd

Questions and Answers
During the week I received an email from a a student of Caulfield Grammar whom I shall call ‘Carlos’. The email contained a number of questions which Carlos required answers to in order to complete a project on ‘old Australian Soccer’. I am more than happy to oblige and I hope you enjoy the answers Carlos.

Are there any particular differences between the NSL and the A-League that's stick out to you?
A very interesting question and I shall give you a very interesting answer. The particular differences between the NSL and A-League that stick out to me are the following:

• Admission Fee. For starters the NSL had a flat fee admission for adults, pensioners and children over 14 at every venue Australia wide. The fee wasn’t based on where you sat, or which stadium you visited, unlike the A-League.
• Family Friendly. The NSL was very family friendly and from the tender age of six, I attended matches with my father, uncles and cousins. Others were there with their grandparents, mothers, aunties etc, etc, you get the gist of where I’m at. The A-League I find more corporate friendly than family friendly. It's not for families.
• Car Park. The NSL carparks were free, except for the finals matches at Olympic Park. Try finding a free carpark at an A-League match.

Are you happy with the modern day all sweater stadiums? Or would you rather the typical local ground, (green hill behind the goals, a old grandstand ect ect....)

Carlos, I am a footballing purist and prefer traditional non-seated terraces. It is actually bad luck for me to be seated while my team is playing. Trust me, I’ve tried it, not for me and we lost.

How did you feel when the NSL went defunct ?

Something for you to google. I and many other NSL fans suffered (and some of continue to) the five stages of grief as described in the Kübler-Ross model.

• Denial – I was in denial for about one year.
• Anger – I was angry for about four years.
• Bargaining – I was bargaining in my head for about six months.
• Depression – I was depressed for about two years.
• Acceptance – I am yet to hit that stage.

What is your fondest memory of the NSL?

The 1991 NSL Grand Final between South Melbourne Hellas and Melbourne Croatia. That memory will live on with me forever. Just thinking of it gives me goosebumps.

How did you feel about the ethnic tension and sometimes ethnic violence between clubs at games ?

There wa no ethnic tension or ethnic violence at games. Do not believe what the FFA propaganda machine is feeding you. If there ever was any alleged violence, it was not due to ethnicity. I can prove this quite easily and I hope you include it in your project. They say there was ethnic tension in the old NSL. All I ever saw was banter between sets of opposing fans. Nothing to do with ethnicity, but more to do with club loyalty. An example being the current situation with the ‘ultras’ mentality that’s slowly creeping into the A-League. They’re all ‘Australians’, yet they fight with each other. One could turn around and say, ‘ahh Australian is an ethnicity, therefore it’s ethnic tension’. Fans all over the world ‘have fights’, but they’re all the same nationality. The only thing that separates them is club loyalty. The same occurred in the NSL.

How do you feel about the FFA today ?

The FFA have destroyed the lifeblood of the sport and have turned a blind eye of the 100+ year history of the sport in this country. I have no respect for the FFA. As far as I'm concerned, they can go forth and multiply.

Do you think the FFA are ignoring old soccer and trying to erase it from history?

Yes. Definitely yes. They have no respect for the people of the past who lost their homes, marriages, and lives, building this sport from the ground up purely for the love of it and not for financial benefit. The FFA does not like this mentality as there’s no money to be made from it, hence the corporate feel of the A-League. They’re all suits and ties these days, no room for the hardworking blue collar worker.

What was your favourite NSL ground?

Middle Park by a country mile. Sometimes I drive down there, sit on the grass and reminisce. I can still hear the crowd chanting, still smell the souvlaki cooking, and still see the goals which I witnessed over the years.

How do you feel about the A-League ?

Yeah off the field it’s great. Huge stadiums, all seated crap, great promotion machine. It’s a league of very poor standard on the field. Teams of the NSL would have a field day against the current A-league teams. They’re laughable. I sometimes watch it online for a laugh, and I can’t watch more than 10 minutes of it without shaking my head. It really is a ridiculous standard.

I hope you find the answers to your questions suitable for your project. I wouldn’t mind having a look at the final product once complete.

Regards from the sunny BVI

Kiss of Death

Kiss of Death, Round 7, 2014, includes Brazil money rumour!

Oakleigh Cannons vs Dandenong Thunder – Friday @ Jack Edwards @ 8.30pm
Oakleigh had a 0-2 win at Hume last week, in what their coach Miron Bleiberg described as a ‘Chelsea' like performance. What, you mean you parked the bus? Dandenong on the other hand had a disappointing 3-1 loss away to Bentleigh. This match will be a dire affair. Boring as pretty much fuck. Oakleigh Cannons 1 – Dandenong Thunder 1.

Green Gully vs Bentleigh Greens – Saturday @ Green Gully Reserve @ 3pm
Gully had an unconvincing 2-1 win against Goulburn Valley Suns, while Bentleigh was convincing enough to beat Dandenong 3-1. Gully is in trouble. Have been in trouble since they were 0-4 down against South in the 30th minute about four weeks ago. Bentleigh has been  hot and cold as far as I'm concerned. Don’t let the ladder position fool you. Another boring match with both teams duds. Green Gully 2 – Bentleigh Greens 2.

Hume City vs Melbourne Knights – Sunday @ Broadmeadows Valley @ 3pm
Hume wasn’t good enough to overcome Oakleigh last week, while the Knights were good but not good enough losing to South 0-1. The Knights were impressive even with their absentees, but they lacked that killer punch at the end. Their tackles were nothing less than ridiculous, but dog tackles which many of us footballing purists appreciated. Hume will unfortunately beat them at their own game. Hume City 2 – Melbourne Knights 0.

Northcote City vs Port Melbourne Sharts – Sunday @ John Cain Memorial @ 3pm
Northcote as expected beat Werribee 4-1 and Port Melbourne lost as expected 0-4 at home to Heidelberg, fucken lol. Both teams aren’t rated by myself and many others. Will be an exciting game though. Northcote City 3 – Port Melbourne Sharts 2.

Werribee City vs Goulburn Valley Suns – Sunday @ Galvin Park @ 3pm
Dead Rubber. Werribee City 3 – GV Suns 0.

Heidelberg United vs Pascoe Vale – Sunday @ 6pm @ Olympic Village
Heidelberg had a 0-4 win at Port Melbourne while Pascoe Vale drew 2-2 with the Ballarat Red Devils. Heidelberg should win this one, but it will be a tough hit-out for both teams. Expect red cards to be handed out and a few yellows. Heidelberg United 2 – Pascoe Vale 1.

Ballarat Red Devils vs South Melbourne – Saturday @ 3pm @ Morshead Park
The match of the round by a literal country mile. Ballarat drew 2-2 at Pascoe Vale last week, while South had a convincing win over at the Knights 0-1. South is on fire (as expected). We are the team to beat. Ballarat will want to beat us, especially at their new half finished stadium. They will fail. Just like everyone else has in the last six weeks. We are the team of the century. We don’t lose to teams of Ballarat's ilk. Ballarat will be missing Liam Harding, and South will be full strength. Leigh Minopoulos is on fire. His run last week was magnificent. You just knew we were going to get that vital goal once he passed the two Knights players. Lujic’s finish was world class. We all thought it was out, until it hit the other side of the net. I'm rambling. Ballarat Red Devils 0 – South Melbourne 3.

Brazil  Money Rumour
I got my hands on some gold worthy gossip last weekend in relation to the World Club Championship Brazil money. Here is the email:

The club invested and built 20 apartments in Port Melbourne that it still owns and collects rent on to finance the team year in year out. Also the guy who told me this rumour was so convinced that even when I pointed out the obvious that when South went into administration wouldn't they have been forced to sell it? He's like, nah, it's under a different name.

What a load of shit if I've ever smelt it. It is gold however. How do people come up with this stuff? Seriously, we all know what happened to the World Club Championship money. The members voted (stupidly) to invest all the funds into going professional and re-qualifying for the next World Club Championship. End of rumour.

Kiss of Death, Round 6, 2014

Bentleigh Greens SC vs Dandenong Thunder SC - Friday 25 April 14 @ 8:30PM
Bentleigh had a 3-1 win over Gully last week, while Dandenong drew 0-0. Not really much to talk about this one, 'cos I frankly don't give a shit about these two teams. However Dandenong will be too good for Bentleigh. Bentleigh Greens 1 - Dandenong Thunder 2.

Port Melbourne Sharks SC vs Heidelberg United SC - Friday 25 April 14 @ 8:30PM  
The somewhat 'Greek' derby. Port is on the ropes and so are the Bergers. Heidelberg had a convincing win against a two games in three days Ballarat which doesn't really say much and before that a 2-1 loss to ten man Pascoe Vale. Port on the other hand lost to a poor Northcote 1-0. If the Bergers are to have any chance in this league then they must win this one, and they will. Port Melbourne Sharks 0 - Heidelberg 2.

Green Gully SC vs Goulburn Valley Suns FC - Saturday 26 April 14 @ 3:00PM
Pretty much a dead rubber of a match. Gully to get the win easily and convincingly against the laughing stock of Victorian football. Green Gully 6 - GV Suns 0.

Northcote City FC vs Werribee City FC - Saturday 26 April 14 @ 3:00PM
Northcote City is poor, very poor. Loza is due to face the tribunal on Wednesday 30th and my info tells me he's in for a two game suspension from the sidelines and Northcote will face a hefty $5,000 fine for his actions. Werribee had a 3-4 win up at GV Suns, but that really doesn't tell anyone shit. Northcote will be too good for the Bees. Northcote City 3 - Werribee 1.

Pascoe Vale SC vs Ballarat Red Devils SC - Saturday 26 April 14 @ 6:00PM
Pascoe Vale will be too good for the Devils. Ballarat is woeful. Saw them against South and just wow. Couldn't string a ball together to save their lives. Absolutely shocking, and to think I have these muppets telling me they can play. Er, no, hell no! Pascoe Vale 2 - Ballarat Red Devils 1.

Hume City FC vs Oakleigh Cannons FC - Sunday 27 April 14 @ 3:00PM
Hume City is very hot and cold at the moment, but aren't too bad. Oakleigh is just Oakleigh. Bah. Hume will play well, and beat Oakleigh convincingly. Hume City 2 - Oakleigh Cannons 1.

Melbourne Knights FC vs South Melbourne FC - Sunday 27 April 14 @ 3:00PM
The one we've all been waiting for. The clash of the titans. The #melbderby. Twitter, ey? Loving it. The Knights are costing me money. Not fucking happy about that. Have been poor last few weeks. Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery at home. The dreaded penalty curse has hit Somers Street. Still, that's no excuse really. South on the other hand has been magnificent. Five wins from five starts. What else could you ask for in a league that's decided by first past the post? No finals, so if you aren't in the top fove by the half way mark, you might as well start planning for next season. This is my fear for the Knights. Would be a shame if they weren't pushing for top spot by then. Like I say, 'the fish rots from the head', so do something Mr. Jusup. You always harass me on Twitter, but never take my advice. Hellas will be too good. No injuries, no suspensions, getting the points, what else could you ask for leading up to the #melbderby? The three points will be ours and we will continue our unbeaten run to the championship. My only concern at South is Epifano. He can do wonders, yet at times, switches off. I'm sure CT has it under wraps and is working on it. End of the day, South will go to Somers Street, get the three points and move on. Melbourne Knights 1 - South Melbourne 4. No penalties this week, sorry.

Side Note
I have many followers on Twitter @KODfootball, including South president Leo Athanasakis. Some call him 'Leo the Liability', others the 'Baron of Brunswick'. To me, he's just 'Brother', and I refer to him as the 'Sir Les Patterson of South'. Spitting image of the bloke at the best of times. I enjoy it when people in power and clubs follow me. It just adds to my cult following.

Derby Week! Kiss of Death, Round 5, 2014

Bentleigh Greens vs Green Gully – Wednesday 16th April @ 8.30pm @ Kingston Heath Soccer Complex
The Green Derby. Bentleigh had a good result down at Werribee on the weekend winning 0-1. Green Gully on the other hand had an absolute shocker going down 6-1 to Oakleigh. What is happening at Gully? Is the clique falling apart? Is Dobbo going to come back and rescue them? I can answer all three questions.

1. Their recruiting has been poor which is a shame, as Gully have one of the best youth setups in the country.
2. The clique IS falling apart.
3. Dobbo will not be coming back as there are no finals in the NPL and any hope of Gully winning the thing has faded away very quickly.

Will they be good enough to beat Bentleigh? I really doubt it. Gully is mentally fucked at the moment, and will take a while to recover. Bentleigh on the other hand have had a not too bad start to the season, but they’re a bit impotent in front of goal. However, their impotency will be enough to beat a shithouse gully.Bentleigh Greens 2 – Green Gully 0.

Melbourne Knights vs Hume City – Wednesday 16th April @ 8.30pm @ Knights Stadium

The quarry/deep hole derby. According to the owner of this blog, I have a love affair with the Knights and it’s costing me tips. Yeah, I kinda get a hardon for the Knights, however my tips are calculated and not just willy nilly. Complex mathematical algorithms are used to make you people money. The Knights were good but not good enough to beat Dandenong, losing 1-2. Hume had a very good first half against South Melbourne, but football is a game of 90 minutes, not just 45, and South proved this once again in Hume's 0-3 demolition. This will be an interesting contest, and I may just jet in for this game. The Knights will be too good for Hume, and will be the victors. They need this win, I need this win, we all need this win for the good of Victorian football. Melbourne Knights 3 – Hume City 1.

Port Melbourne Sharks vs Northcote City – Wednesday 16th April @ 8.30pm @ JL Murphy Reserve

The douchebag derby. I have no time for these two clubs. Port's facility is one of the shittest in the state, and Northcote has this obsession with South Melbourne that reeks of jealousy. This makes me angry. However, I’m here to comment on the game at hand. Port struggled at Goulburn Valley with a late winner, while Northcote had an OK match at Pascoe Vale winning 0-1. There have been rumours floating around that Eric Vassiliadis, coach of Port will be gone after this week's loss to Northcote. Port Melbourne 0 – Northcote City 3.

Dandenong Thunder vs Oakleigh Cannons – Thursday 17th April @ 8.30pm @ George Andrews Reserve

The South Eastern Derby. Dandenong shocked the footballing fraternity with their 1-2 win at Knights last week, while the Cannons took advantage of South's good work last week with a 6-1 win over Gully. Let’s not get carried away here. South was 2-4 up at Gully before they had the keeper sent off and a key defender. Oakleigh reaped the benefits by playing a keeperless Gully for 90 minutes. Wank wank. Dandy is starting to come good. Even though they have a new logo which was drawn by some five year old, the FFV pages still show the old one. Get your shit together FFV. Dandenong Thunder 3 – Oakleigh Cannons 0. Oakleigh to be finally shown up as to how shit they really are.

Pascoe Vale vs Heidelberg Utd – Thursday 17th April @ 8.30pm @ Hosken Reserve

The Northern Suburbs Derby. Pascoe Vale lost to Northcote last week, while the Bergers match against Ballarat was postponed due to the ground condition. Now, that game was scheduled for Sunday twilight. The match was postponed on Friday! How the fuck does that happen? Saturday and Sunday were pearler days and the ground would’ve been fine. Instead they cancel it 72 hours before kickoff. Fucken joke if you ask me. If the ground ain't up to a bit of rain, then why are they in the NPL? Pascoe Vale will struggle in a somewhat exciting encounter. Pascoe Vale 0 – Heidelberg 1.

South Melbourne FC vs Ballarat Red Devils – Thursday 17th April @ 8.30pm @ Lakeside Stadium

The City vs Country Derby. Contrary to public opinion, THIS will be South's toughest game of the season so far. South had an excellent win at Hume 0-3, while the Devils stayed at home and lumbered a few gum trees due to their game being postponed at Bergerville. South's first half at Hume was ordinary, and somewhat looked very much like pre-Taylorish football. We weren’t the best, but we weren’t bad either, just very, very flat. The second half was a completely different mindset. From the 45th to the 90th, we dominated and couldve have more than three if we were a bit more clinical. Reed's run down the pitch was very classy. Such a big lad running at full stride and finishing it off with a ball on a plate for South's second was fantastic. Taylor really has them going at the moment. Ballarat, well I’ve been keeping tabs on the Devils for over four years. They are not bad, but not that crash hot. However, this is the danger game for South. Complacency and we will be punished. They will attempt to park the bus and counter at any opportunity. But on saying that, we are South Melbourne playing our first home match at Lakeside, we are the team of the century and we don’t lose to a bunch of lumberjacks from the bush. South Melbourne 6 – Ballarat Red Devils 0.

Gouldburn Valley Suns FC vs Werribee City FC – Saturday 19th April @ 7.30pm @ McEwen Reserve

The who gives two shits derby. I really really hate doing reviews for a match of such poor calibre. No Leigh Minopoulos, no Werribee. Goulburn Valley Suns 2 – Werribee City 0.

Kiss of Death, Round 4, 2014

Pascoe Vale vs Northcote City – Friday 11th April @ 8.30pm @ Hosken Reserve
Pascoe Vale had a good 1-1 draw at Bentleigh last week, while Northcote succumbed to a very good Ballarat side 1-3 as predicted. As much as my heart is saying Pascoe Vale, my brain and algorithms are saying Northcote. This will be Northcote's first win of the season. Pascoe Vale 1 – Northcote City 2.

Oakleigh Cannons vs Green Gully – Friday 11th April @ 8.30pm @ Jack Edwards
Oakleigh drew 2-2 at Port last week, while Gully put in a laughable performance in a 3-5 loss to South Melbourne. They had Gonzalez (GK) and some other douche sent off. I think their youth keeper did well when required. Oakleigh on the other hand have yet to show me anything on or off the park. No food, no write up. Simple. Oakleigh Cannons 2 – Green Gully 0.

Goulburn Valley Suns vs Port Melbourne Sharks – Saturday 12th April @ 6.30pm @ McEwen Reserve
This is a hard one to pick. But I don’t pick matches will-nilly. A lot of thought goes into them. The Suns got hammered last week by the Bergers. See, that right there just doesn’t make sense. How can a team as poor as the Bergers hammer a team like the Suns who are poor anyway. Port will be triumphant and drop into SPC on the way back. Goulburn Valley Suns 1 – Port Melbourne Sharks 7.

Hume City vs South Melbourne – Sunday 13th April @ 3pm @ Broadmeadows Valley
Finally get to suss out this new grandstand down at Broadmeadows Valley Park. A few people reckon it’s pretty good. I’ll see for myself I suppose. South is coming off a rampant 3-5 win at Gully. We were 0-4 up very very quickly last week, and it should’ve been at least six by half time, no exaggeration there. What happened in the second half was a wee bit disappointing. To cop two goals in the first five minutes was pretty woeful. People were losing their shit at that hunk of man meat Saldaris, but on closer inspection, I don’t fault him with any of the goals. Gully were just cunts. The tackles were thick, and the red cards were warranted. The rest is history. The team of the century was just too good. They will also be too good against Hume. Hume City 0 – South Melbourne 3.

Werribee City vs Bentleigh Greens – Sunday 13th April @ 3pm @ Galvin Park
Werribee robbed the Knights last week. Dodgiest penalty I've ever seen. Well actually, no, Olympiakos is awarded the worst non-penalties known to man. Bentleigh struggled against Pascoe Vale but will be too good against the Bees. I really can’t see Werribee beating the Greens. The scouts will once again be at a Bentleigh game, and word on the grapevine is they like what they see. Werribee City 1 – Bentleigh Greens 3.

Melbourne Knights vs Dandenong Thunder – Sunday 13th April @ 3pm @Knights Stadium
What a shit penalty to cop, ey? Maybe next time you can put away your chances! The Knights will not let that happen again. A source close to the club is confident the Knights will bounce back after last week's speedhump. Dandy on the other hand are looking OK I suppose. Haven't really seen them other than on youtube. Note to DandyTV guys. Maybe do a voice over before you publish. The language is bloody ridiculous. Melbourne Knights 2 – Dandy Thunder 0.

Heidelberg United vs Ballarat Red Devils – Sunday 13th April @ 6pm @ Olympic Village
The two big winners from last week. Note to the Bergers. Ballarat will not be a pushover. Me has a feeling they will beat yous. Heidelberg United 1 – Ballarat Red Devils 2. *92nd minute controversial penalty to the Devils. Bergers to lose their shit.

Judge, jury, executioner - Kiss of Death, Round 2, 2014

Pascoe Vale vs Melbourne Knights – Friday 28th March, 8.30pm, Hosken Reserve
The Knights had an excellent result at home to Northcote City last round. Northcote played the suspended Trent Rixon, and as expected nothing has been done (more below). Covarrubias was the star of the show and missed a penalty which would’ve been his hattrick. Should he have taken the penalty? Some say yes, others say no because it put the Knights into a bit of a shit. I for one would say yes. He was on a high, and who better to take a penalty that a player whose adrenaline is going through the roof at that moment. I have been privately mocked via email about my prediction that the Knights will do well this year and probably end up winning it. But to those emails I say a big FUCK YOU. I’m the KOD and you’re fucking not. Pascoe Vale surprised me as to how poor they were last round at Hume. This unfortunately will continue this week. Pascoe Vale 1 – Melbourne Knights 3.

Oakleigh Cannons vs Heidelberg United – Friday 28th March, 8.30pm, Jack Edwards Reserve
Oakleigh struggled up at Goulburn Valley last round. The home side had their chances but never took them. Un-fucking-lucky I say to that. Oakleigh got the all important early goal and came away with the three points in the bag. The Bergers were woeful against South. Actually, worse than woeful, pretty shit, the Bergers we all know pretty shit. They were a rabble. Unorganised at the back, slow in the midfield and poor up front. Their squad is about four years old. What I mean by this is, Katsakis has built a squad of has-beens who played their best football about 4-5 years ago. The Greek derby somewhat, with a crowd of about 300 people expected. Oakleigh Cannons 2 – Heidelberg United 1.

Goulburn Valley vs Ballarat Red Devils – Saturday 29th March, 6.30pm,  McEwen Reserve
The Willy Wonka derby. The golden ticket winners. This match is of no interest to me whatsoever. Who can really be necked giving a preview of this shit. Fingers crossed the game gets postponed and the Devils have to make it back to Ballarat in that ‘Gold Bus’ that takes them everywhere, two weeks in a row! Goulburn Valley 2 – Ballarat Red Devils 4.

Dandenong Thunder vs Green Gully – Saturday 29th March, 7pm, George Andrews
The game to be at on Saturday night. Did Dandy struggle against Port, or did Port struggle against Dandy? That is the question here. Can I answer it? Yes I can. Will I answer it? No I won’t. CBF majorly. Anyhoo, Dandy is looking OK I suppose. Much improvement needed if they are going to be any real threat this year. Gully had an easy match at home to Werribee City. Two goals each side of the break was enough to discard of the Bees. Good result as Werribee are an unknown quantity at the moment. But Gully as always are looking good. Dandenong Thunder 1 – Green Gully 1.

Werribee City vs Hume City – Sunday 30th Match, 3pm, Galvin Park
Is Werribee out of their depth this season? Yes, after one match I can confirm that Werribee is in fact out of their depth. They will drown very quickly. Green Gully attached the anchor, and Hume will drop them off the NPL ship. This will all end in tears for Werribee on Sunday. Hume will absolutely hammer them. I will be at this match. Hume is looking good. I sacked the intel guy who told me before round 1 that they are a rabble. I’ve employed a new guy and he has given me the heads up that Hume will be strong. After running some complex algorithms I have come to the conclusion that the score will be Werribee City 0 – Hume City 5.

Northcote City vs Bentleigh Greens – Sunday 30th March, 3pm, John Cain Memorial Park
Northcote played a suspended Rixon last round, and no I will not let it rest until some integrity is brought back into this competition. What a shambles. Good to see they still lost at Somers Street. Absolute rabble of a team so far. My sources tell me that they are a shadow of last season's team and it will take them some time to gel. Bentleigh on the other hand is yet to play after their match against the Devils was postponed due to bad weather. My sources tell me that there will be two A-League scouts at this match. I know who they will be looking at, but I cannot say it yet. I will release this info once I’m given the green light. *hint, not the blue one* Northcote City 1 – Bentleigh Greens 1.

Port Melbourne Sharks vs South Melbourne HELLAS – Friday 28th March, 8.30pm, JL Murphy Reserve
What a match this will be. Expect a sellout. Get to the game early as parking is very limited. Have your FFV passes to piss off the ticket guys. FFS if I get harassed one more fucking time by the old guys at the gate about my FFV pass, I will be lodging an official complaint with the FFV. What don’t you people get? An FFV pass gets you entry for FREE. Just because you have no fans and your wage bill is excessive, does not mean we need to pay. The pass holders are guests of the FFV and shall be treated as such. End rant. Port Melbourne let a two goal lead slip against Dandy last round. HAHAHA, jokes of the highest order! South on the other hand is a team to be envious of. We held our 0-3 lead at the Bergers and should’ve had more. South is a team oozing talent. South is a team everyone wants to be a part of. South has the best playing surface, best facilities, best coach, best board, best fans, best scoreboard, best forum, best kit, best backoffice staff, best phone number, best location, best president, best merchandise guy, best running track, best grandstand, best barcode scanner, best ex-board members, best TV show, best radio show, Oceania team of the Century and fucking excellent porn knowledge amongst its fans! We know a porno when we see one! Port Melbourne 0 – South Melbourne 5.

FFV and their suspensions list.
I received an email last week, and after confirming the details, issued a stop press to all media outlets in regards to Trent Rixon of Northcote being suspended yet playing against the Knights. If the carry over suspensions list is looked at here (bottom of pg 15), one will see that Trent Rixon was in fact supposed to be serving a carry over suspension from a match between Northcote City and South Melbourne at the end of last year. Now all the sooks on soccer-forum came up with the wildest excuses:

• It’s the NPL not FFV, that means it doesn’t count.
• Get over yourself and you obsession with Northcote.
• We rang the federation and they said he’s good to play.

Blah, blah, blah. Well to all you I say, let’s look at the FFV’s GDT. Let’s look specifically at Section 8.2 (b) & (c).

• (b) In the case of all Suspensions until the Suspension is served a Club Associate must not participate in any other fixture at any level in FFV competitions. This shall be inclusive of suspensions that are not totally served in any given competition season which will need to be carried over and served in future and/or subsequent seasons respectively.

and

• (c) A Suspension arising out of a Finals Series which is not served in full in that Finals Series shall be carried over to the following competition season in which the Club Associate participates. 

Both the above clauses relate to this case. So after all the twittering and re-twittering last week of this incident, has the FFV done anything about it? Unfortunately, no. This just throws the integrity of the competition into disarray. Some dicks were saying “it’s up to the Knights to lodge a protest”. Yes, you’re right, however, what is the whole point of having discipline in a competition when it’s not implemented by the federation which wrote the rules? Why is it the responsibility of the other team? That is just bat shit crazy. Hypothetically speaking, and by God, I hope this happens, teams can get together, make a gentleman's agreement that both will play suspended players, and neither will lodge a protest regardless of result, and the FFV does nothing about it. Pretty fucking sweet competition if you ask me.