Για την Ελλάδα, ρε γαμώτο! Or not! And Britain too, I think! I'm not sure

I'm starting this piece by way of one of my standard unnecessary preambles. Earlier this week I was at my day job, attending one of the daily stand-up meetings that management is using to tell us how great their latest project is. 

To help prove how important and interesting this new endeavour is, one member of management referred to a PowerPoint slide linking to positive news articles (I assume positive, because why else would management link to them otherwise), not caring that they were behind a Murdoch paywall, and probably not caring or perhaps even oblivious to the fact that a room half-full of humanities academics is probably the last group of people likely to be taken in by such obvious PR guff passing as journalism.

I begin with that pointless anecdote if only to ask the question of whether we as South fans could do with looking at the news we consume with a bit more caution and a detached critical eye, rather than interpreting even the slightest ambivalence about our A-League bid as a call to furious arms.

To wit, a situation was created by what was and is a rather straightforward article of little consequence about A-League expansion; a summary of what to the jaded and the unbiased alike are the obviously lesser hopes of the Canberra and South Melbourne A-League bids in securing one of the two expansion licences on offer. It was an article written by Michael Lynch, The Age's chief soccer reporter, and someone I've posted my occasional criticism of during the past eleven years on here, and before that, too. And if I'm being honest and fair, Lynch is someone whose forté is beat writing rather than dense or lyrical analytical pieces.

That's not a crime, but it does acknowledge a historic structural issue in the relationship between Australian soccer and the media. Australian soccer has been and remains an also-ran insofar as its treatment goes in the mainstream written press. It might not be a palatable fact, but it is true. And even as that relationship goes through peaks and troughs, each daily newspaper tends to end up with one and only decicated soccer writer, who is expected to cover all angles of every issue, even as the space allotted to them to do so is limited, and even as they are expected to be all things to all people - beat reporter, political analyst, on-field tactician, and quasi-historian.

These days you can add click-bait writer to those functions, a less than appealing idea for any news writer with a semblance of self-respect, but utterly necessary when newspaper revenues are in such steep decline.

(And incidentally, this is one of the reasons why I took out a digital subscription to The Age - yes there are noble sentiments in this somewhere about being part of the solution rather than the problem, but it's also for the chance to be smug and note that as a subscriber, the concept of the click-bait reader is marginally less applicable to me because of the $4.?? I allocate to this weekly expenditure.)

In the article, Lynch points out that Canberra and South are perceived - both in the public sphere, and within the behind-closed-doors decision making sphere - as being the obvious outsiders compared to the other four remaining bids. Lynch rightly asks the question about Canberra's previous poor history of soccer at a national level - both on and off the field - and the feedback he has received from current Canberra soccer followers that times have changed, especially with the nature of the city itself. Lynch compares Canberra's difficulties of being a regional centre (and thus having doubts about its ability to raise sufficient sponsorship, as well as getting a new stadium), with South's troubles of being perceived as an ethnic/old soccer throwback with limited broad appeal.

Now, Lynch is clearly not saying that he himself thinks South should be excluded from an expanded A-League because of 'ethnicity'; only that, rightly or wrongly, such perceptions exist, and that they will be a factor in the decision making process. While singling out ethnicity as a drawback factor for us, along with Canberra's tainted 1990s national league history, Lynch puts these issues into the perspective of representing:

... interesting arguments about the history, diversity and geography of the game in this country. 

These are arguments which Lynch doesn't expand upon on this article. Like I said, it's neither his speciality, nor do the constraints of time, space, and editorial line allow for something more effusive on what multiculturalism actually means in Australian society, and the way in which Jim Cairns' dream of a pluralist Australian multiculturalism persisted beyond his term in government most notably via deliberately and inadvertently insular ethnic soccer clubs. In short, history can be a launching pad, but it can also be an albatross, and if you want to read something with more expansive intellectual heft on these issues, read Joe Gorman's book rather than a quick semi-throwaway article designed as much to leverage your anger as your sense of reason.

Now Canberra fans seem to be able to handle this casual dismissal of their A-League chances better than South fans. Not having a race issue attached to that exclusion certainly makes things less emotive, but we should also note that as far as controlling their tempers online goes, South fans have been garbage at it since they first got access to the internet. I say that as someone who when they were 16 years old would use school computers to act like the prototypical uncouth online Hellas knob. Things have only gotten worse in the ensuing years, as the experience of exponentially increasing irrelevance combined with the faintest whiff of hope from FFA's Pandora's Box sends fully grown men into a collective apoplectic rage whenever someone considers South to not exactly be a prime candidate for A-League expansion.

And thus Lynch's Twitter feed went into (relative) overdrive with people wanting to hammer him and correct him. The response from Lynch to that, er, 'feedback' is made up of several tweets amalgamated by me.

So I cop the usual vitriol from the usual suspects for writing a piece about South Melbourne and Canberra's A League bid and why they are up against it for different reasons. Now the South fans claim I am racist for mentioning in the piece that they are a club formed by Melbourne Greek immigrant community. I point out the club's history, tradition and great success, and say that is both a strength and a weakness in the current FFA environment as they are battling to counter the prejudice they are a ''Greek'' club. Both are statements of fact, both are material parts of any discussion of South's candidacy. South have strong points to their bid - the fact they exist and have a lease on a ground already being one - which I also pointed out. But it seems to me that their own fans want to discount their own heritage. Do they?

Hardly ironically, Lynch's article predicted such blowback:

It is not dissimilar to the arguments that South fans – often the most vociferous, if at times intemperate – make on social media when the plausibility of their bid is questioned.

But somehow being accused of being a racist by the very same people he described as borderline nutbags surprises him. Irony dies in the deep dark internet sea. It's not like he's the first journalist either in recent times to cop that kind of abuse merely for reporting what he hears that the public is not privy to. Recently hired Sydney Morning Herald soccer writer Vince Rugari has also copped his share of social media hate from some South fans for making similar observations about South's outsider status, with those South fans being unable to grasp the idea of confidential sources, much as the same people will willingly accept obtuse answers and impossible to verify information from South Melbourne board members.

No surprises though about who one of the ringleaders of the anti-Lynch lynch-mob was, a fact one can surmise by several "tweet not available" notices (because I'm blocked by him), but disappointing if not surprising that several other South fans chose to follow that particular lemming over the edge of the cliff. To be fair though, there was a higher than usual dose of bewilderment from South fans as well, wondering what all the fuss about Lynch's article was.

Of course our lovable larrikin soon-to-be former prez Leo Athanasakis also jumped in with his own 'facts'.

Fact:
SMFC formed in 1959
Merger of 3 Clubs
South M United - British Club dating back to 1882 playing in Albert Park.
Hellenic & Yarra formed by Greek migrants.
Our British heritage seems conveniently ignored or not even acknowledged as fact by people who should know better.

— Leo Athanasakis (@LAthanasakis) December 1, 2018

Facts which are anything but of course, and which are easily debunked only if you actually know what you're talking about on these matters. Unfortunately such knowledge is limited to a mere handful of people, most of whom have nothing to do with Twitter or social media and even when they do, they are rightly reluctant to wrestle with metaphorical pigs.

[And while no doubt well intentioned, the other bloke who said it was a four-way merger including a Jewish club is also peddling half-truths at best - because let's be honest, the 1980s merger with what was left of Hakoah was little more than a takeover by South which probably mostly served to secure us a few more grounds in the Middle Park area. And I'd love to be corrected but it was my understanding that the Hamilton (named after either former South Melbourne United and founding South Melbourne Hellas committeemen Des or Bill Hamilton, or perhaps even both) award for club best and fairest was actually a supporters group initiative, not an official award from the club.]

For starters, the 1959 date - which South Melbourne FC uses as its foundation date - is the birth of the Hellas club, which was a merger of the struggling (and still very young) Greek-Australian Hellenic and Yarra Park clubs. The new entity they formed, Hellas, amalgamated with South Melbourne United, an Anglo-Celtic Australian club (what you might also term an Australian club, for lack of a better term, to describe a club founded by non-migrants), at some point in early 1960, ostensibly to get access to Middle Park, the home ground of South Melbourne United (and also Melbourne Hakoah).

To make the merger more palatable to the supporters of the small United club, the Greeks of Hellas throw a few bones United's way. They add 'South Melbourne' to the front of the Hellas name, inadvertently making the thing sound more poetic while also being unusual in being an ethnic club in early 1960s Melbourne with a ready-made and self-selected and unforced district name. They keep United's white jersey with a red vee. And they allow some committeemen from United to be on the new South Melbourne Hellas committee.

It's an arrangement which lasts a mere half decade or so. Soon enough non-Greek committeemen are a thing of the past, United's red vee is gone, and all pretence that this club represents anything in the South Melbourne area apart from the Greek migrants who live there is over. Since that time, in its glory days the club had mostly been content to gloss over that early history and the Anglo connection. This is not a judgement call - whether what happened is right or wrong is for someone else to mull over - but it is an acknowledgement of what actually happened.

Later, toward the end of the NSL era there were the beginnings of attempts to recognise that early history, though I always get the vibe that it was a minority of forward thinkers rather than staunch traditionalists responsible for those efforts. As the club found itself in the (now seemingly without end) rut of being simultaneously abandoned by the Greek-Australian community (its core supporter constituency) and alienated from its identity of being a big fish in a small pond (which had begun to attract its share of non-Greeks, but not quickly enough to form a critical mass at the critical moment), one of the flailing measures taken to recalibrate the club's identity saw some people engage in bumbling and not entirely intellectually honest attempts to leverage elements of the club's history (and parts of pre-South Melbourne Hellas history) that had been neglected (and sometimes derided) for decades.

This led to some people trying to link South Melbourne Hellas directly to the very earliest soccer clubs with the name South Melbourne, as part of an attempt to claim something that is not ours to claim. As I have noted in several places, at best South Melbourne Hellas can lay claim to being the most important club in the South Melbourne/Albert Park/Middle Park precinct; at a stretch it can perhaps lay claim to being the most notable current custodian of a local soccer culture going back to 1884.

But since we know of no formal connections between the 1884 South Melbourne club to the South Melbourne club which was almost formed to play after soccer was reformed in Melbourne in the early 1900s, and certainly no known connection to the 1920s/30s South Melbourne, can we really claim a legacy that fragmented and uncertain? Never mind also that the 1920s/30s South Melbourne was a totally different club to the Middle Park Schoolboys junior club which eventually became South Melbourne United in the mid 1930s (with United thus being more aptly classed as an Anglo-Celtic Australian club than as a British club).

These are, in the greater scheme of things, annoying and pedantic points of history, wielded here by me not to show how smart I am - because at any rate, most of the work in this area has been done by others - but rather as an illustration of how utterly stupid discussions of history are, especially when they are made by people who have no respect for something they claim they have respect for while also claiming that others have no respect for that same history. In other words, as much as I'm drawn to the facts of what happened pre-1959, these bits of trivia become less important in a situation like this than the reasons and manner in which they are deployed -  too often in a shallow way to score cheap political points, ironically mostly in an environment where most supporters of Australian soccer see history as neither burden nor blessing, if they think about it at all.

Not that any of that matters, of course.

Sack everyone and everything - South Melbourne 1 Kingston City 4

If I wanted last season to be over because of its brutal length, then surely this season I want to come to an end as quickly and as painlessly as possible. It has been a nightmare on several fronts, with a brief half-earned, half-gifted to us revival which is keeping our head above water, and which for a short period of time brought if not happiness nor peace of mind, than at least

It was a strange week, too, even before we got our caning against Kingston and pulled back down into the heart of the relegation stoush. South fans, paranoid, panicky, and with a 14 year chip on their collective shoulder, are ready to lash out at anyone. The first target was Paul Wade, for his support of the Dandenong A-League bid. It was a reaction from our fans which I wasn't surprised by, but one that I felt was misdirected for a couple of reasons. First, where Wade can be considered to have a coherent and/or consistent policy with regards to what our nation's top tier should look like, he is long ago on record as saying that "broadbased" teams (complete with gimmick nicknames) were/are the future of the game. That was all the way back in 1995, in his autobiography - which I apologise again for not having reviewed in depth, ten and a half years into the blog.

Now it was pointed out (and rightly so) that Wade had also endorsed our bid last year, and that therefore something must have changed for him to do this, and that "something" was money. I wouldn't rule it out - why rule anything out in Australian soccer? - but Wade never seemed to me like the kind of guy who would do something just for the money. Still, that seeming inconsistency in his endorsements goes to another point about how nonsensical the fury at Wade's most recent comments was: and that point is, who actually takes what Paul Wade has to say seriously? Yes, he'll get wheeled out by the ABC from time to time to talk about the Socceroos or the state of the game, but his overblown pronouncements almost always make him seem incredibly out of touch with everything going on in Australian soccer. He is in a lot ways an Australian soccer media relic, one whose heyday was a very long time ago as a player, not that much far removed as a commentator, and it's odd to me that anyone takes what he says seriously, let alone personally.

Once everyone got bored with Wade, it was time to turn on The Age's Michael Lynch. Now goodness knows, South of the Border has hardly been Lynch's biggest fan over the years, but we've mellowed out to the point where my loathing is now muted, and I'm now mostly just plain old distrustful. Lynch, who has found if not a soft-spot for "the old clubs" in recent times, has certainly managed to rediscover at least a peripheral interest in them. As to what prompted that rediscovery, the only wisdom I can offer on that front is typically cynical and a little bit hackneyed: that Lynch and other soccer journos noticed a change in the air, and they thought that maybe their previously dismissive attitudes towards the old clubs might see them miss the zeitgeist.

And when it comes to Australian soccer media, the zeitgeist is all, and anyone who falls outside of that looks naff, old, fossilised, doddering. In this case, Lynch didn't necessarily commit any heinous crime other than putting forward the idea that in his view, and so far as the Melbourne A-League bidders were concerned, behind the scenes it was not South Melbourne that were favoured, but rather the other two bids. Enter a more subdued version of the angry mob that went after Wade, which hadn't necessarily taken the time to think about the situation. For as absurd as the South bid is, and as as absurd as the other two Melbourne bids are, and any A-League bids for a system that needs drastic overhaul (whether pro/rel or plainer reform to its current state), is noting that the powers that be might prefer some over others, and that such attitudes may have been locked in place for a long time, really that absurd of an idea?

Anyway, having amused ourselves by turning onto outsiders, and someone who people had convinced themselves was South through and through by virtue of stuff that happened most recently 23 years ago, ignoring the fact that Wade has had little to do with us since, it was time to lash out at each other. Which, to be fair, is a longstanding South speciality, and in recent times enjoyed by some of our people more than what happens on field. At some point during the under 20s game on Sunday, word was going around about a small group of South fans - perhaps half a dozen - being banned by the club, and/or possibly the stadium trust.

This was odd, in part because at least some of those supposedly banned were already in the stadium, an oversight which it turned out one could put down to the club being too slow to get its act together from the time gates were opened. Eventually had photos of the banned supporters, and prevented them from entering (or re-entering) the stadium. The other odd aspect was no one seemed sure why it was that these supporters had been banned, for how long they'd been banned, and what efforts the club had taken (if they had taken any effort) to inform those banned that they were indeed banned from Lakeside.

That obviously cast a pall over affairs from before kickoff, and eventually most of Clarendon Corner decided to watch the game from outside the ground from behind the fence at the western end of the ground. It's not the best of the view of the ground, but for this banned and their sympathisers, there was an obvious principle involved, and also precedent - let's not forget that members of Clarendon Corner had spent a good portion of our early time at Northcote protesting the banning of some fans following the pitch invasion at the final game at the old Lakeside.

There was next to no chanting from what was left of Clarendon Corner inside the ground, and a lot of chanting from the majority of those who decamped outside the ground. Nothing out of the ordinary was chanted that I could discern from my position inside the ground. Those at the ground who are not up to speed on all these kinds of things must have been very confused by what was going on. At times volunteer marshals spent some time there, as did security, and one stadium trust staffer seemed particularly nervous about the whole affair, though seemingly not doing much other than pacing up and down the stairs in front of his match day office.

While their chants were mostly clearly audible, Clarendon Corner in exile were largely invisible to those inside the ground, except for one character who was quite visible as he climbed on top of the ticket box next to the Gate 1 entrance, and proceeded to walk along the top of the outer fence to the bewilderment of most and even to the amusement of some - including a security guard - who I suppose could appreciate the farce of the performance and the situation that performance was embedded in. As security approached, he jumped down back outside

Me, I acknowledge that farce of what passes for supporting this club on a weekly basis, but I couldn't help find the whole thing exceptionally grim. I wouldn't go so far as to call the past few weeks a truce between disgruntled fans and the board, but as has tended to be the case at South in recent years, a run of good results acts like a sedative, numbing tension for a short time before a bad result or two brings the underlying issues back to the surface. The only odd thing, if one could it even call it that, is that on Sunday we didn't even get to the bad result bit before the unpleasantness began.

And if everything else going on wasn't making things grim enough, the team itself came out of the sheds half asleep and seldom looked like it was a chance in a game where, had we won, it would've secured our NPL status for 2019. Kingston took the lead early through a penalty (no complaints from me on the decision) and eerily - and not bloody helpfully - Gully had also taken the lead at Olympic Village at the same time. Kingston being a quick side, I just had a feeling that we would struggle to keep them away from goal, and we weren't helped by having an unsettled defensive set up thanks to the absence of Brad Norton.

We did eventually start clicking into gear, and I thought we finished the half reasonably strongly. Marcus Schroen's goal direct from the corner got us level at halftime, just as the Bergers themselves had equalised. So at that particular moment, things were looking a lot better than they had five minutes into the game. I wasn't especially confident about the second half, but I didn't foresee the second half collapse. You could, as some have done, try to put it to the fact of Kingston having the wind in the second half, but it wasn't like they were hoofing the ball down the field. It was all very neat and tidy, and exploiting a slow defence.

Before you knew it we were behind again. By the time we got to 3-1, it was a matter of playing out time and hoping things didn't get worse. They did, of course, but the bigger concern was Schroen coming off injured; along with Oliver Minatel, Schroen has been the other key player in turning our season around from its direst point, and to potentially lose him for further matches would be a massive blow. This is especially the case when we have three tough games to go, including two of the top three side. But all credit to Kingston - they have a smaller budget, they play youth, and they play attractive football. I hate Monday night football, but if we're going to have a surplus of (Greek) minnow teams in this comp, the least that we can hope for is that try to entertain.

As the sun set on another home loss in 2018, and people retreated to their various internet hovels to vent and moan and plan their next moves, some of our people turned their attention towards the spectacle of the Western Melbourne Group's open forum, deciding to scoff and deride several of the key takeaways from that affair. Not that any of that matters, of course, but I guess it's nice to have a hobby that people get some joy from. Goodness knows there hasn't been much joy at South this season.

Next game
At Heidelberg on Sunday afternoon, in a replay of the previously abandoned match. It's the catch-up round, and we're the only teams playing, so there could be a decent crowd. That, and the Bergers can secure what I'm still calling the minor premiership with a win here. Rather than making the game free entry, there will be a cover charge - with the proceeds going to the Greek bushfire appeal. As noble as that sentiment is, I can positively sense the cynicism dripping out of some of our supporters.

The arrangement is going ahead with the blessing of our own club, which makes total sense when you think about it. After all, we are a Greek club; we would be destroyed in the media if we didn't support it; and at any rate, one of our board members also happens to be the president of the Greek Orthodox Community of Melbourne.

Apparently you will be able to get a receipt for your donation/entry ticket, if you are that way inclined. I'm just hoping for a win, and no repeat of the nonsense which took place after our most recent meeting. Which, when I put it like that, is clearly hoping for too much.

Relegation/survival prognostication - as stolen from Greekfire's post on smfcfans.com
The following post by "Greekfire" appeared on smfcfans.com, and does a much better job at summarising our predicament than any amount of waffling I could do. All I've changed from it is shortening the team names so they don't stretch out the table template.

I've run the numbers on the remaining games to analyse the scenarios whereby we can end up in 12th and the relegation playoff. There are basically 5 teams in the mix:

• South Melbourne
• Kingston City
• Hume City
• Green Gully
• Dandenong Thunder

Before going on to look at the games that matter, there are a few assumptions:

1. We lose all of our last 3 games - to put us in the worst possible case for ourselves
2. Goal difference plays no part in the result (i.e. we don't get battered / we lose 1-0 in each game / no one else belts anyone)
3. Dandenong Thunder is ignored for now - the teams they play (Northcote @ home, Knights away) don't have any other influence on the results of anyone else, so it's not worth analysing every combo of their games

The relevant games are then the games featuring the other 3 contenders:

• Kingston City vs Heidelberg United
• Hume City vs Green Gully
• Hume City vs Pascoe Vale
• Green Gully vs Kingston City

We're very lucky, at this point, that there are 2 games where 2 contenders play each other.

If we consider that each game can either be a win to the home team (1), a draw (X) or a loss (2), then there are 3x3x3x3 possible outcomes, or 81 scenarios.

Of these, we finish 12th in 7 of them, or in 8.6% of cases (assuming every result of every game is equally likely and independent) - these are outlined below:

Home	Away	1	2	3	4	5	6	7
Kingston	Heidelberg	1	1	1	X	X	X	2
Hume	Gully	X	2	2	X	2	2	2
Hume	Paco	1	1	1	1	1	1	1
Gully	Kingston	1	1	X	1	1	X	X
	Team	Pts
	South Melbourne	28.5	28.5	28.5	28.5	28.5	28.5	28.5
	Kingston	31	31	32	29	29	30	29
	Hume	30	29	29	30	29	29	29
	Gully	29	31	29	29	31	29	29

Key things to note:

• If we get a point from any of our last 3 games, we avoid all of these scenarios as we would move up to 29.5 points and safely above at least 1 other team in every scenario (assuming we still have better GD)
• Green Gully have to get a result from Hume City in 2 weeks, or else we are safe
• Hume City have to beat Pascoe Vale on the last day, or else we are safe
• Green Gully have to get a result from Kingston City on the last day, or else we are safe

In summary, from these 81 scenarios, the team most likely to go down is Green Gully:

Team	Scenarios finishing 12th	% chance
South Melbourne	7	8.64%
Kingston City	6	7.41%
Hume City	26	32.10%
Green Gully	42	51.85%

Of course, if Dandenong don't get a point from their last 2 games, we are safe anyway as they would stay below us on 28 points and lower GD, and all this would be moot.

Around the grounds
Friday night
Sat at home reading Kate Grenville's The Lieutenant while watching Batman, and later the footy.

Saturday arvo
Supermarket duties.

Saturday night
Went to the footy. Was alright.

Final thought
This semester I am in what may be called semi-gainful employment, with the possibility that my workload will increase significantly at very short notice. So, if you've been disappointed by the quality of South of the Border match posts in 2018, the lack of ephemeral material, or even just the deplorable promptness of publication, things are going to be pretty annoying for the next three months or so. Also, I've become quite fond of coming home on a Sunday evening after a game, switching my phone off, and just lying on the couch watching trash TV. So you know, take all of that into account for the next little bit.

Need more gas in the tank - Heidelberg United 1 South Melbourne 1

Took one of our reader's suggestions and used the route 250 to get to the ground, and though the walk to the ground was all downhill, it did take longer than I'd anticipated, and of course the ancient turnstiles at the front of the ground weren't working. At least the bus ride allowed me to meet Tim McGlone, one of the newer faces in the ever expanding South Melbourne media team. There was a minute''s silence for a Heidelberg member who had passed away, and then the Greek national anthem for Greek national day (NCIP!) and the Aussie one (crackling badly through the PA system), all combined with the smell of the rankest cigarettes I've smelled for some time, and then we were off. Also, 3XY and Michael Lynch were there.

We started off a bit slow, but eventually got on top and started bossing the game, pulling together some wonderful passing play. The lineup was the same as the one that started the second half against Bentleigh the week before, including no substitute keeper again. This arrangement didn't last very long, as Cody Martindale had to come off early with an injury, and on came Andy Kecojevic. Soon enough we took the lead, Milos Lujic hitting a wonderful shot after some excellent lead up work.

Later on in the half Brad Norton was viciously cut down, and soon after half time Tim Mala had to go off with injury as well. Unlike last year, where we managed to keep most of our starting eleven players on the field for the entire season, this season, while not being quite the disaster on that front that it could be, has been a challenge. Dan Heffernan didn't play for the Bergers which helped our cause, as his replacement Kenny Athiu kept finding himself offside. Still, our defensive stocks at the moment are thin, and it will be interesting to see how we cope once we hit the more crowded part of the schedule where we have to play three games in a week.

The second half saw the arrival of a persistent problem this season - not enough gas in the tank. Last season we were able to win games in part because we were better able to run out matches, including often making substitutions quite late in the piece. This season, even with early subs, we look unable to run out games convincingly. I hope this is all part of the plan to help us peak later in the year, and that once we hit our stretch of Friday night home matches, that our recovery and fitness plan kicks into action and gives us some kind of edge. Until that moment arrives however, we are looking particularly vulnerable.

While last season we started off well and became tired towards the end, it's still not a good look to be struggling the way we have been. Having said that, had we scored the goal that we should have in the second half to make it 2-0, this probably would have been game, set and match. As it was the Bergers took it up the other end and scored immediately, and then proceeded to dominate proceedings. Andreas Govas hit one of the hardest shots I've seen for some time from long range - thank goodness that we have Nikola Roganovic in goals this season - he's been doing an outstanding job, and looks safe as houses in the air as well.

Injuries and lack of fitness aside, what made matters worse is that we lost all composure on the ball. Nick Epifano got himself into good position on a couple of occasions, but failed to make the most of his opportunities. Several players were guilty of making horrible, rushed passes, as well as bombing the ball long to the increasingly isolated Lujic. Leigh Minopoulos came on and added a bit of spark and pace, as well as level headedness - the problem there is that we appear to be heading into a problem we had several seasons ago, that we have a lot of players that look good coming off the bench, but not as many who can start and finish a game off well.

Milos Lujic still looks ominous, but he needs a reliable friend up front. David Stirton didn't start this game, nor was he used off the bench. Andy Brennan, the player Ian Syson and I had come to see most of all, worked hard but was visibly tired even in the first half. He also learned that the space he was accustomed to in Tasmania, as well as the tricks he could use to beat an opponent one on one, are not as reliable in Victoria; still, I think there's huge upside, and that it's all part of the learning process for him. I also love Leigh Minopoulos, but I have my doubts about whether he could be as effective as a starting player. The midfield for the most part battles hard, but they're undersized, and where we should be using Michael Eagar or Dane Milovanovic in defensive midfield as an enforcer, defensive necessities and lack of fitness respectively are leaving us scrambling for makeshift options.

In the end, while the officiating didn't help us - and I say that as someone who usually enjoys Lucien's relative finickiness, as long as he's being even handed and accurate - we were a little lucky to get away with the point, Still, we also had our chances, and if we can get our fitness right, and figure out the exact starting eleven that we want to settle on (injuries notwithstanding), we have a lot of upside to come, which I'm not sure can be said for a lot of the other teams around us at this point in time. To only be playing 25-30 minutes of good football, against mostly the teams likely to be in the finals race, and still be picking up points - that's the positive that I'm going to take out of this opening part of the season.

This sucks

Players from both sides today had wallets and phones stolen from the rooms as they were playing in the derby #smfc #Hufc #PS4NPL #scum
— Paul Touliatos (@pavlaki1969) March 29, 2015

This also happened to Preston late last season at Keilor Park. Someone on Twitter said that there are actually FFV rules that the change rooms must be locked, but even with that, surely it would be common sense to lock the rooms anyway? I don't know, this just seems like something that's so easily preventable.

No substitute goalkeeper again comedy commentary piece

Our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?

Next week
Of course our charmed run of results - if not quite personnel issues - could all come crashing down this week, when we play Green Gully away on Saturday afternoon. Another difficult game to be sure, but at least it's our last away game for this stretch before we get back home to Lakeside.

Jersey night
Having just missed the 96 tram to St Kilda, I waited patiently for the next one, only for the driver to let off passengers, pick up almost no one and then bolt off. At least I handled the situation slightly better than the bloke who swore out loud and thumped the side of the tram, scaring some children inside of it - his own admission, made somewhat shamefully. I eventually made it to the venue, where I tried to psych myself up for some classic cynicism.

Live from Beachcomber Cafe, it's the Krusty the Clown Show: Prison Special. #smfc #ps4npl
— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) March 27, 2015

Seriously, how churlish can you get before the event even starts? Anyway, many famous people were there. Kimon Taliadoros, always on an insatiable quest for power; Mal Impiombato, the latest FFA bureaucratic heavy hitter we're desperately trying to woo; Tara Rushton, something, something, hot chick, something, something, where's Mel?; Martin Foley, the local member of parliament, who's stuck his neck out for a bunch of Greeks who mostly don't live in his electorate; and Santo Cilauro, of various projects including one where they let Sam Pang boast about the fact he knowns nothing about the game - mind you, that's someone else's interpretation, because I don't watch the relevant show.

There were also the usual sponsors, board members and sprinkling of ordinary fans, thrust into the back corner, and the firm establishment of an SMFC media team cartel, minus one very important member - and no, it wasn't me! Thus, mingling was made very difficult, and created a sort of sullen mood in certain areas of the venue. Nevertheless, it was nice of Chris Taylor to pop around, while the movers and shakers were busy trying to schmooze people with money and influence.

Had a delightful chat with Chris Taylor about longevity, networks and haircuts. #SMFC #ps4npl
— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) March 27, 2015

If this was a Greek wedding though - and I use Greek weddings as the example only because they're the only ones I've ever been to - there'd be much complaining that no member of the committee came around to thank us for attending and ask us how we were faring, apart from collecting our money. Speaking of money, the player auction was of course a central feature of the night's proceedings. It was a more muted, but evenly spread affair this season, no ridiculous over the top amounts, but none of the lesser players went for the measly sum of $500. Kosta from Blue Thunder Security of course bought Matthew Theodore, while Nick Epifano - despite his absence on the night - managed to get the equal top amount alongside Michael Eagar. A pity that us ordinary fans were too disorganised and/or poor to be able to buy someone. Maybe next year.

Anyway, as was the case last year, local MP Martin Foley got a chance to have his say, opining on the frustrations that the Lakeside lease still hasn't been sorted out yet - especially given that he had promised March 15th of this year as a deadline.

Martin Foley says directive has been issued to relevant departments to sort #smfc lease issue by end of April. Better be true. #ps4npl
— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) March 27, 2015

One of the people inside the tent had a more detailed version of Foley's commentary, as posted on smfcboard.

Foley essentially said that it will all be done and dusted in the next few weeks by the latest with the deadline set by government April 29th. George Lekakis (Multicultural commission) has been appointed to oversee the process to ensure we get what we have been promised, while the senior ALP members have sent a formal directive to the department to also ensure the above happens. 

He also went on about how South has acted in good faith in the past 5 years and how badly they have been let down by government. While he couldn't control what Liberal did, he did apologise on behalf of the ALP.

But what's another arbitrary deadline between friends? Then it was time for the football panel discussion chaired by Tom Kalas, which touched on prospective FFV president Kimon Talidoros' desire to align the states with what FFA was doing, something to do with promotion/relegation, and pointing out how awesome South was or is. I think SMFCMike enjoyed this segment a lot more than I did.

Tom Kalas introduces a powerpoint presentation. My night is complete. #smfc #ps4npl
— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) March 27, 2015

The meals were a step down from last year's efforts.

Fucken hell, φακή for the entree. This atheist doesn't do nistia. #smfc #ps4npl
— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) March 27, 2015

This sparked some Twitter discussion at least about the merits or otherwise, of Greek lentil soup, The chicken for the main was quite good, even with the creamy pasta side dish shenanigans. On the other hand, dessert was a disaster.

Already disappointed by no dessert course, only to be offered most half-arsed fruit platter this side of a mid 1990s Olympic Airways flight.
— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) March 27, 2015

And that's even leaving out the pathetically small pieces of cut up cherry ripe slice and lemon slice. What happened to the pannacotta from last year? It was good to meet FFV media dude Alan Delic at the end of the night, where I commended the recent work FFV has been doing in the media area. I also mentioned how I'm a big fan of FFV giving the NPL clubs cameras to film their own games, which I know is not necessarily popular with some people because of the low quality of some of the filming, and 'more urgent priorities'. Overall, it wasn't the most enjoyable night, and I'd had more fun in other years at this event. Swings and roundabouts and all that.

Πολύ γκρινιάρης δεν είσαι?

It's 'speak Greek in March month', but @NeosKosmos still going with Σάουθ Μέλμπουρν instead of Ελλάς Μελβούρνης. Ντροπή σας. #smfc #PS4NPL
— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) March 27, 2015

Nick Epifano fan abuse issue borrowed comedy commentary piece

I am very interested in seeing how this will be dealt with - on a purely intellectual level of course.

80' Play is delayed as some @gomvfc fans light 6 flares, and steal the corner flag before leaving the ground #BRDvMVC pic.twitter.com/Kn7RwYOzuu
— PS4 NPL Victoria (@nplvictoria) March 28, 2015

Final thought
I might be a cunt, but...

Novermber 2014 digest

Some of the things that happened in November.

I'm reliably told that when we do it, it's called recruiting, not poaching.
Bonel 'Bones' Obradovic, central midfielder from Oakleigh, also ex-Northcote. Milos Lujic seems particularly pleased with this signing. David Stirton, a forward of sorts, arrives from Bentleigh Greens - maybe he wasn't Queenslander enough to play there. Luke Adams, a Kiwi defender with an Aussie passport. Also Andy Brennan from South Hobart. Brennan is a forward/winger, and the standout player in Tasmania over the past few years. This will be his second stint in the Victorian topflight, after his 2013 stint with Bentleigh was ruined by an osteitis pubis injury.

Chris Taylor has also been signed to what the club is calling a 'long term' deal, without specifying what long term means. The inference seems to be that Taylor will also be doing something like a technical director's role, which seems funny to me, because I thought that the roles of senior head coach and technical directors at NPL clubs were supposed to be separate by now.

Lastly, assistant coach Graham Hockless has left for Queensland. His replacement will be the recently retired Tsiaras. Some more obsessive and/or observant readers of South related media may have noted that I hinted towards that signing on the South Facebook page. Honestly, it was a lucky guess. Also, the meaning of the word 'honestly' has now changed.

Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it/When everyone's special, no one is/That's not enough! We demand MORE asbestos! MORE asbestos! MORE asbestos!
First up, we have the addition to NPL1 of Eastern Jets/Nunawading-without- anyone-from-the-real-Nunawading/Dr Angelo Postekos' Football Young Talent Time Superstar XFactor Dream Factory, and Murray United, who had already been granted licences from the original contingent of applicants with a year's delay so they could get up to speed in their own time. Then, because of the deal the FFV was forced into with the Coalition of the Unwilling last year, Moreland City and Eastern Lions - the winners of their respective State League 1 divisions have accepted the opportunity to move into NPL1. But no Preston. Seriously. They didn't win their respective title - they blew it in the last two rounds. If they're good enough, maybe they can join in 2016.

Also, Victory and Heart's youth teams are into the NPL Victoria, but not in our division - they'll start in NPL1, which is now split into two conferences, East and West. Everyone plays everyone in their own conference twice, and the teams from the other side once. It's like an oldskool NFL season, only with more chance of teams going bust and worse facilities that teams will be begging local governments to upgrade. Anyway, back to Victory and Heart. Some people will no doubt be aware that players from NPL teams, like our own Andy Kecojevic, play for those teams in National Youth League season (if you can call that handful of a games a season). Will those players choose to stick it out with their 'winter' clubs, or will they move across to their holiday house A-League setups on a permanent basis?

And also, are there enough facilities for everyone? Are there enough players? Are there enough coaches? Is there enough money?

Or, in other words...



Or, as a very wise man on soccer-forum.net said...

Can't see the problem here.

The clubs voted for this system/structure.

The clubs sued the FFV for this.

The clubs voted for all clubs to be given a fair and equal consideration.

The only thing the FFV have done is implement what the clubs wanted.

Are we suggesting that some clubs are more equal than others??

Survey 
I wonder if the results of the South Melbourne fans survey, even if just given in a gist, will ever be released? Probably more chance of the FFV's NPL facilities audit being made public. Also, when's the AGM?

On honouring soccer's Australian history, even those stupid wogs who spent 27 years in that trench warfare filled cesspit of history called the NSL. Did I mention the NSL sucked? Also, let's put the museum in Sydney.
Museums. They're actually complicated things to fund, locate and set up. For instance, where should history be stored and presented? Can a nation's soccer heritage be stored and presented effectively in just one location? What benefits are there in putting non-Sydney histories in Sydney, away from their origins? If non-Sydney centric materials aren't sent to Sydney, would a national soccer museum based in Sydney end up telling an almost inevitably Sydney centric version of history? What is the role of historians for Australian soccer? Is it to confront the myths and mythologisers or is it to jump onto whichever bandwagon is in charge at the time, in the hope of gaining more patronage, and isn't that something that could be asked of so many people in the game right now? What's the story they and/or we want to tell about Australia's soccer history, and who'll get to tell it?

Here are some of the thoughts I made on a Kevin Moore keynote address about the founding of England's National Football Museum, many of which would need to be considered I think in any attempt to recreate such an enterprise here:

First up was the keynote address by Kevin Moore, from England's National Football Museum. How do you create a museum for the entirety of the game, in a nation that has such fervour for the game? It's not easy. But Kevin Moore says you start off by not targeting it at die hard football fans, because they'll turn up anyway.

Because you see football as part of broader society, you don't try and gloss over all the negatives in the game's history, including the stadium tragedies, the violence, racism, misogyny and homophobia, no matter how distasteful these issues are to some. You provide an outlet for people to create and provide their own memories, within reason.

You do not make yourself the be all and end all of historical preservation. You work with local communities to find ways of preserving local history locally, and only step in to preserve history as a last resort. You try and tell stories, not just provide facts and figures. You recognise the importance of topophilia, but you do not become a slave to it, in part because football topophilia can be expressed in several ways.

In summary, Kevin Moore provided a very interesting look at the development of the National Football Museum, from its beginnings in Preston to its move to Manchester. Moore talked about the difficulties in securing funding, the fact that there is no national sports museum in England, and that the museum in some ways has to compete against Premier League club museums, which seek to tell a very different, hagiographic story, and which are often not standalone enterprises, but part of the 'stadium experience'.

The key parts for me are about hagiographies and local histories.With regards to the latter in particular, the emphasis should be on teaching local institutions - clubs, federations, local councils, whatever's relevant - how to maintain and preserve their own local histories locally. Australian soccer is such a diverse experience that to move it all into Parramatta (hypothetically) would be denying local people from being able to learn and add to their own soccer narratives, while replicating a top down approach to preserving history.

On the other hand...
Is the writer of the original article actually being serious? Considering he has to have a dig at the past for reasons I'm not sure of - except, possibly, because it's the right/cool/expected thing to do if you're not Joe Gorman, who is addicted to the street cred one gets as Anglo-Australian soccer fan hanging out with bitter wogs; at least that's my extrapolation of some stupid comment I read responding to one of his posts in The Guardian, probably the article on Middle Park -  I don't see the point, if that's going to be the dominant attitude. I mean, is it really going be worthwhile having a museum which will be:

1. Kings School vs Wanderers
2. Football doesn't exist outside of Sydney and, at a pinch, Newcastle.
3. 1974 Socceroos.
4. Huge gap due to ethnic strife.
5. Frank Lowy is grouse and stuff.

At least I learned what the word 'internecine' means.

Victorian Election Part 1 (Number 1 ticket holder vs wheeled after five years of waiting for the social club vs the bloke who put his hand up and then said for Number 1 ticket holder anyway).
Well, after a tough race between the shadow arts minister and current sitting member Martin Foley, and the Liberal candidate wheeled out when the Liberals finally signed the lease - and Tex Perkins, who once Foley said Labor would fund the repair and restoration of the Palais, said basically you don't need to vote for me anymore - it looks like at this stage that Foley will get retain the seat of Albert Park. Now where's the fuck is our social club?

Victorian Election Part 2 (Someone's crusin' for a bruisin'/Next year in Jerusalem) 

Speaking of the social club.

@cindyn liberal member in Doncaster saw my South top and took credit for the lease, I told him we're still waiting for the social club cash.
— Paul Touliatos (@pavlaki1969) November 28, 2014

In case you missed it
Me and Pave Jusup  talking about how much the NCIP sucks. Ian Syson is more ambivalent about it. Roy Hay thinks it's grouse.

Does not compute/pots and kettles/γαϊδούρια και πετινούς
So apparently earlier this month Perth Glory played a Cheltenham based souvlaki joint in the semi-finals of some kind of nationwide soccer tournament. Anyone got any idea what that was about? And to make things really absurd, the bloke who wrote this, is now noting in this article the patronising souvlaki commentary. YOU COULD NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP.

Bitter is as bitter as does/Fuck this cunt and his never-ending lap of honour/"And how we just made fun of those who had the guts to try and fail"
A lot of people have been getting all misty eyed over the apparent retirement of Les Murray (the soccer pundit, not the poet, and the fact that I'm not as spiteful of the latter as I am of the former these days is disturbing). As for myself, the first thing that's thrown me is that I thought that Laszlo was already more or less retired, because when was he on TV anyway? Was he on The World Game while it was still buried at 11pm on SBS2 on whatever day it was scheduled? Anyway, people have been lining up to offer their praises on a worthwhile career promoting the game, and more power to them and to him, as he did put in the hard yards over the journey. However, one bit of misplaced praise in this grizzled nostalgia fueled marathon has really pissed me off, and that's the recent line Les has been trying to spin about being a friend of the ethnic clubs, and 'why oh why are we so mean to them?'


And of all people to be asking the question in the most recent notable case, it had to be Mark Bosnich. The same Mark Bosnich who can't decide if we should  or shouldn't have ethnic clubs in the A-League. Now the reason of course that I get upset at Murray's commentary is because SBS - the supposed promoter of multiculturalism and of migrant communities - has in my most honest and considered opinion (as seen through red mists of rage and possibly incidentally coinciding with Ezequiel Trumper's thoughts on this matter) long forfeited any right to speak on behalf of Australia's ethnic communities. And this is not just because SBS has long exorcised non-English language programming off its prime time schedule on its primary station, and filled SBS2 with American sitcom repeats. It's because when it came time for SBS's soccer pundits - including Murray - to stand up and defend the migrant and ethnic soccer milieu from its detractors, they were found wanting.

For me, the most glaring example is of course the hatchet job Southern Cross A-League bid profile, a piece so vile that even one of the people behind our then rival bids for A-League expansion (Canberra United) could only shake his head at how bizarre it was. If that sounds like I've got a massive chip on my shoulder, so be it, but I don't think there's any need to apologise for holding that stance. I'm not going to begrudge anyone that wants to get a little misty eyed for Les' final bow, but as for me, this bloke sums up my feelings on the matter.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about
Those crazy Melbourne Keniggets fans. Some of them seem to like talking about South even more than I do. More of it, I say.

You can always sleep through work tomorrow
- OK, I'm done.
- You're done?
- Yeah, there's no point in dragging this crap out any longer. Do you want to do the thing?
- Sure. You're reading South of the Border, the South Melbourne Hellas blog that hates old people just because it can.

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times

Let's see what happened over the last week or so.

• The Dockerty State Wide Knockout Cup was played, and won by Green Gully over Dandenong Thunder. Gully were presented with the State Wide Knockout Dockerty Cup for doing so. Confused? Why should you be confused by the actions of an organisation which has promoted an A-League team's special junior membership season ticket offer more than it did for one of its own showpiece events for the season.
• Speaking of the A-League, old mate Patrick Kisnorbo has ended up at Melbourne Heart. You may recall that in this article that we reported how someone else reported that Kisnorbo wanted a lot of money. Bleed them dry, Patty.
• When I went to go on the Victory forum to see them gloating with their usual 'yoof!' catch cry (or to do it first myself), it turned out their forum had been hacked. What's the future for that site? I don't know. I hardly visited there any more, all the debates that were worth having (in a manner of speaking) were sorted out a long time ago, in everyone's else's favour, of course.
• More Syson vs Lynch hysterics on Twitter last week, which lasted for a good 3-4 days this time, as people dropped in and out before eventually getting bored. Bloggers from all over the place, fellow Fairfax hacks, people who hate Ian Syson (and there's a lot of those on the net it seems) - just who didn't get sucked into that vortex of stupidity? Incidentally, this latest edition of their feud was kicked off by Lynch's paranoid response to a Bonita Mersiades tweet. Was anything solved or sorted out? I don't know. Things got so absurd at one stage that I was even dubbed 'the nation's most under-appreciated football writer' in Joe Gorman's rather good article on the matter, and 'a funny man and if only he could be tamed he'd be a great columnist' by another writer. It lead to a moderate boost in my Twitter following, which was good for my ego I guess.
• Elias Donoudis blathered on more about the shadowy (yet full of morally upright Hellatzides) group looking to take over the board, without saying much at all.
• Bob Jane T-Marts is back on board as a sponsor.
• I went and saw Altona East beat Westgate 2-0 in a catch up game. Ex-South player Andy Bourakis scored one of the goals, a first minute penalty.
• Ex-South junior Peter Skapetis has apparently pledged his future to Australia.
• Back to the FFV for a moment, some of the zone reps have apparently called for an EGM to get rid of the current board.
• In addition to that, the NPL keeps on keeping on, but some people at Bulleen aren't so happy about their club's direction. They're looking to get their own special meeting thing going, if the link is correct.

So all in all, a pretty quiet week in Victorian soccer. This week, back to the horror that is the real world of actual on field South Melbourne action.

2012 Season Preview Memorial Entry

Clatter, crash, clack!
Racket, bang, thump!
Rattle, clang, crack, thud, whack, bam!

Who could forget our article from last year on Michael Lynch's imaginary tour of the kitchens of the Victorian Premier League? Well not me, and certainly not Ian Syson nor Lynch himself. Here's a recent twitter exchange.

@micklynch_age @tweetwhiteline @gatty54 @ecpkoko be time for your vpl preview Michael?
— Ian Syson (@IanSyson) March 18, 2013

@iansyson my guide to multi racial Australia's cuisine you mean??
— Michael Lynch (@MickLynch_Age) March 18, 2013

Anyway, even if you had a look at that blog entry last year, take a look at it again - I added a couple of 'year on' observations, one much sadder than the other. You can decide for yourselves which one fits that bill.

Five Fabulous Years

Another year over.

Being honest here, there are times when I do consider stopping the blog, but that feeling doesn't tend to last too long.

I'm still not too sure about this project's purpose, but even after another loss, another minimum of an hour's journey home on public transport, and no light at the end of the irrelevance tunnel, I'm still drawn here.

Perhaps if I was someone with something better to do, I would have given up already. But that's enough self--pity for one year, because we also had a lot of fun.

That whole Toumbourou/3XY/Ta Nea/Greek Media Group thing entertained us something special during November. It also saw us get a large increase of visitors and comments. So many comments! And then the issue died and you all disappeared. Typical.

For what it's worth, this was my favourite post of mine of the year, because it shows my love of free to air television. I also liked this one, because it has a picture of a very tasty looking piece of cheese burek. And who could forget board member Tom Kalas stealing/borrowing/reinterpreting the first half of this post for his presentation to South members on the NCR?

Unless something major happens, we'll be keeping a low profile on the blog for the next couple of weeks, but do tune in every now and again, as I have about a dozen posts lined up which will entertain you for about two minutes per day. Anyway on to the thankyous.

Thanks to
All my readers, whether you like what you see or not. You add an incentive to keep going. Double cheers if you left a comment at some point.

The South Melbourne Hellas Hattrick crew.

Arthur Papas, for being a good sport.

Krizar, who balances out my loose anarcho-syndicalism with his western suburbs fascism.

Gains, for sanity and perspective. And for dinner options that weren't run of the mill souvlaki joints.

Steve from Broady, for his exquisite story telling.

Big thank you
Kiss of Death for providing match previews, and an aggressive angle to an enterprise which often veers too close to the maudlin and the mawkish.

And of course
Ian Syson.

Pinch hitting for the Kiss of Death, Round 20, 2012

The Kiss of Death says that they've been flat out this week and can't be sure they'd be able to produce something for this week. So I'm pinch hitting for this round, while I wait here at Victoria University's St Albans campus for the HR, Admin and IT people to figure out how to get me a proper identity card. Ever get the feeling that people in these jobs end up making more work for themselves, to justify the existence and proliferation of their positions?

On to this week's games. I initially felt good doing some of these again, but only ended up liking two of them. Such is life.

8:15 PM Friday 24 August, Bentleigh Greens (4th) vs Heidelberg United (12th) - Kingston Heath Soccer Complex
Bentleigh have almost secured a finals spot. They could even manage to snare the double chance. But first things first. The Bergers are done and dusted for 2012. Even their cup run was ended by Dandenong Thunder on Tuesday night, so there's literally nothing to play for any more. Pride? Money? Love of the game? Bah, humbug. The one shining light as far as I can gather has been the form of Kristian Sarkies. Somehow he's defied all expectations - well my uneducated ones at least - of cementing his hard earned reputation of being the most over-hyped player this side of, let's say Travis Cloke for want of a better example, and actually did a pretty decent job in his half season stint there. He's scored goals, including some from free kicks! A bit late perhaps to restore his former (and bizarre) reputation as some sort of set piece specialist, but perhaps just in time for when the A-League unleashes its next wave of expansion with Back of Bourke United, FC Beyond the Black Stump, and East Altona PAOKARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like their fellow northern suburbs brethren in Preston, the Bergers have had a habit of just not going away, even when everyone else wants them to. Year after year, season after season, their immediate and deserved demotion to the lower leagues was deemed inevitable. But they defied the odds at every turn, not just avoiding relegation and making finals, but also proving to be a real pain in the arse for South in particular (though hilariously, they've switched their attention to the Knights this season). But not this year. So desperate did the Bergers get, that they even recalled George Katsakis back to the coaching helm, but that didn't work. And the less said about Katsakis coaching two clubs at once the better (he also took control of the big talking, but done nothing Clifton Hill in state league two. Having said all of that, this is one of those times you want them to win, because South's remarkably still alive finals aspirations depend on it. But Bentleigh, though a rather unremarkable unit overall (come one, their squad includes Nic Curtis and Johnny is the gaffer!), play half decent football - and while often that in itself can be a death sentence for a club in this league, they've made it work, and according to the paid boffins at the FFV, have scarcely been out of the five all season. Add to that the Bergers' just god damn awful defence, and the miracle result (among many in the rubric) needed for South to make finals just ain't happening. Bentleigh 3 Heidelberg 1.

8:30 PM Friday 24 August, Hume City (6th) vs Richmond (7th) - Epping Stadium 
The rise and fall of the Victorian Premier League resembles that of the Ottoman Empire. Discuss. But seriously, has there ever been a club in which descriptions of its activities and even raison d'être include the word 'allegedly' as much as Hume City? And especially when you consider that the word 'allegedly' is not thrown in for fear of legal action but due to fear of (removed due to legal advice)?  And what of Richmond? The reason most people endorse this club's participation is because of the quality of their canteen, which really is straight out of the Michael Lynch book on multiculturalism. Not that there's anything wrong with that, except when they overcook their burgers. That makes me a little less sympathetic to their cause, especially when it's raining so hard at their ground that there's nothing to do but sit in their cosy but no good for football viewing social club and eat more food, especially if you're only going to look like a pig when you order your fourth or fifth piece of poppy seed cake, with whipped cream of course. Both sides are in the finals race, but a loss for either of them here ends it all. A draw would be just as disastrous. And in that spirit, Hume City 2 Richmond 2.

7:00 PM Saturday 25 August, Dandenong Thunder (1st) vs Oakleigh Cannons (2nd) - George Andrews Reserve
Top of the table clash, possible precursor to the grand final. Oakleigh haven't impressed me pretty much at all this season, with the exception of Ricky Diaco. If there was justice in this world, Dandenong would have been crowned champions back in 2009 when they dominated the league, and would need just a point in their last three games to be awarded the same honour. But it doesn't work like that. Ask Port Melbourne, St Albans, Port Melbourne again, Oakleigh, Fawkner, Preston, even Green Gully, all teams who failed to win the title from first place. Unless someone gets a lengthy suspension or injury, or the FFV wields a massive point deduction for who knows what reason, this game doesn't really matter. Thunder 4 Oakleigh 2.

3:00 PM Sunday 26 August, Moreland Zebras (11th) vs Southern Stars (10th) - Epping Stadium
Before the season started, Moreland talked big. Supercoach Dom Barba. Striker Vinnie Flaherty would tear the league apart. Griffin McMaster in goals. The big name signings of 2005 2007 2010 2012 in Daniel Vasilevski and Carl Recchia. And how did that turn out? Barba sacked after a couple of games. Flaherty back in Ireland. McMaster now trying to pinch a title with a very late season move to Bentleigh (while being linked to South in 2013). Vasilevski as usual playing on one leg. Recchia trying to get back into a South shirt for next season. And the 2011 state league one champions relegated with three games to go. Meanwhile, Southern Stars, who fell into promotion to the VPL because of the premature ejaculation that was Port Melbourne's 2011 season, have somehow managed to survive. They've payed their players bugger all since halfway through the season. They play a simple game based on stacking the defense. They were the first team to beat Dandenong, when it looked like the Thunder might go undefeated for the season. And they're also the best dressed team in the league by far. And then rumours started that they didn't want to be in the VPL in 2013, because of the costs. One could ask why not just go for an extreme youth policy, not necessarily cheap and nasty, but at least cheap. One could also ask, that if they really didn't want to stay in the league, why did they try so hard to avoid relegation? The possible latent irony in all this, is that should they decide to bail on the VPL, Stars' 2013 place would firstly be offered to the team that finished 11th in 2012. And at the moment, that's good ol' Juve who, while they are no chance of avoiding relegation by conventional means, are still not quite safe from finishing stone cold motherless last, what with being just one point ahead of Heidelberg. Add to that the rather morbid (but hilarious) interest in where the Zebras will play next year, what with the scurrilous rumour that if the Zebras do get relegated and Pascoe Vale get promoted, that the Zebras won't get preference for use of the upgraded De Chene Reserve facility. Are fanciful internet rumours enough to get more than a dozen people from either side to this game? Probably not. Zebras 1 Stars 1.

3:00 PM Sunday 26 August, Northcote City (5th) vs South Melbourne (8th) - John Cain Memorial Park
People who don't know any better say that writing is easy. That all it takes is sitting your fat arse down in front of the computer and just banging away. Never mind that the majority of those people making such claims usually can't do much more than spell their own name, and if asked would quickly baulk at being asked to write anything requiring even the merest hint of comprehension and creativity. That being said, those people are actually half right. Any chimp can sit at a computer and type up all sorts of garbage, and if one or two people are amused by it, they can then convince themselves of being some sort of underground genius, on the cutting edge of satire. Unlike real writers however, those people of course almost never get paid for those kinds of efforts, and rightly so. We readily acknowledge that this blog sits firmly within that category. Then again, does merely being paid for your work make you a professional? Or do you have to adhere to some standards above what might be expected of a hobbyist? I ask this question because it's fair to say we have often not seen those elevated standards, or even attitudes, from South players this season. A recent discussion on soccer-forum.net posed the question about which players should be kept, and which ones should be turfed out. I had the bulk of my response up and ready to go, before reconsidering. For starters, the season is still not quite over. Neither are we officially out of the finals race. And what would happen if, hypothetically, I had demanded that only a third of the players in our squad were definitely worth keeping? How foolish would it be to berate everyone else for calling for another off-season squad pogrom while doing near enough to the exact same thing? And yet, I found I struggled to fill a starting eleven's worth of names... South has never beaten Northcote in the VPL. Northcote is also the only team to defeat South at John Cain. All of that means nothing, especially since it's likely that none of the original Northcote triumvirate of Trifiro, Rixon and Trifiro will start the game. One because he's suspended, one because he's representing caveman stone throwers in Sydney, and the other because his heart doesn't seem to be in it any more. Northcote 1 South 0.

3:00 PM Sunday 26 August, Melbourne Knights (9th) vs Green Gully Cavaliers (3rd) - Knights Stadium
Back in 1978, or 1983, this game would have attracted a decent crowd. Maybe as many as 3,000 Croatians and 30 Gully fans, sardined into Montgomery Park in Essendon before the local residents had had enough, or taking up a position on the hill at Green Gully Reserve. Now it will probably attract 300 Croatians and 30 Gully fans. Someone should investigate whether the make up of those 30 Gully fans has changed at all in the intervening 30 years. Back then, these two clubs, along with Preston, were the leading sides of the state league in the immediate post-NSL era. Gully are the only Victorian ex-NSL club to have properly settled into the long haul of VPL hell. Mooroolbark got stooged by the system and ended up in the provisional leagues. Morwell disintegrated once the irreplaceable driving force of Don Di Fabrizio departed the helm. Juventus cut up their carcass into a million tiny pieces and reused the meat several times when the meal kept getting sent back to the kitchen. Preston is in state league two, and may have finally steadied themselves, though they're still a real chance of getting relegated to state three. J.U.S.T. fell over more or less in tune with the Iron Curtain. South persisted with delusions of grandeur and relevance almost to oblivion, before offering the government and Collingwood a way out of their years of neglect of Olympic Park and Victoria Park respectively. The Bergers continue to blame South for their demotion from the NSL in 1995, despite having had a solid decade or so of being an absolute rabble before that. The Georgies subsist on a diet of Elvis impersonator gigs, seafood nights, and the hope that one day they will actually move out of Chaplin Reserve with a dump truck full of money, which they will then probably squander in the most unimaginative way possible - by trying to buy a VPL title in the belief that it will bring back people to the club. Chopper Read once said of spending time in prison, that those who wouldn't reconcile themselves to the fact that they were in prison, and the fact that prison life was entirely different to 'real' life, were inevitably the ones who suffered the most from the experience. Now, I don't really know how much like a prison the VPL and the state leagues are. After all, most people eventually get out of prison. It might take 20 years, but people do get out of refugee camps in Kenya. People have been released from Guantanamo Bay. And even though it required Stalin carking it, people even managed to get out of the gulags. No, the Victorian system is more like the Hotel California, in that you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave. So credit must go to the Knights for becoming perhaps only the second ex-NSL club from Victoria to cotton on to the fact that they are here to stay, and that they should adapt to the situation. Still, this is the now traditional time of year where Gully ramps up their efforts to bore everyone to death on their way to another title. Knights' very slim chance of a finals appearance to be ended, regardless of more Jake Nakic heroics. Knights 0 Gully 2.