Brain snaps - South Melbourne 1 Northcote City 1

Apologies for not writing anything sooner. Wanted to see if the club would spontaneously combust, whether or not there'd be more news about the club associate playing area invasion, or whether - and this was a real long shot - something even stupider would happen which would make any post redundant immediately upon publication.

The great thrill of this season, if you can call it a thrill, is wondering what will go wrong next. it's one bad thing after another, to the point where you wonder whether people are trying to fail. That's dangerous thinking with nothing to gain from it, so let's just focus on what went wrong against Northcote.

No Brad Norton, who had gastro, meaning that where one would've probably expected Christos Intzidis to replace Jake Marshall at centre-back, Intzidis had to go to right back to contend with the dangerous Gerry Sylaidos. And what did we do to make it easier for Christos, not the quickest player in the team? We played in a such a way which that allowed Sylaidos acres of space from counter attacks. Intzidis actually did pretty damn on several occasions, but there's only so much any defender can do in those circumstances.

There was also no Matthew Millar, on trial for a third week at Central Coast Mariners. Without wanting to delve into conspiracy theories involving jilted third parties, how long does it take to evaluate the merits of the player some-of-us-but-not-me call "Apples"? He can run fast, he can run all day, and his end product is frequently questionable. Look, maybe there's "he's prefect for the Mariners" joke there that I'm not aware of, but Millar's absence has been hurting us a lot, if only because we cannot run out a game for the life of us, which makes you wonder about the pre-season preparations.

Northcote had no end product, and that was their main issue for most of the game. The first half saw them open us up pretty easily, but the final touches were lacking. We weren't completely out of it, but we looked a mess going backwards, huge gaps opening up exposing the back line. That being said, we were at least able to craft chances of our own, and even took the lead for the second week in succession, Ndumba Makeche's cross met by a spectacular finish from Pep Marafioti, the only thing of note that Pep's done for us in his short South stint so far.

Sadly, Mekeche limped off soon after with a hamstring injury, adding further to our 2018 playing stock woes. Two goals and an assist are the visible stats of Makeche's productivity, but that obscures to a degree his work rate, often tracking back to provide extra coverage. Leigh Minopoulos came on earlier than many would've liked, considering Leigh's injury and fitness issues. But at least we had a lead, right?

Unfortunately, things went very badly in the second half from the get go. We couldn't get the ball, and it only seemed a matter of time before Northcote would equalise, and they did. The sheer number of chances that the visitors had created meant that there was a strong likelihood of them scoring eventually, but the manner in which the move began was heartbreaking. Marcus Schroen in his attacking half, going backwards, getting tangled up, and the ball flying up the other end for the goal. In its conception it was uncannily like a goal we conceded against Avondale last season.

At that point you had the sinking feeling that we would cop another one, but before that point we had the latest example in our spectacular 2018 brain fades when George Howard - who had been lining up opposition players all day - finally saw his chance to strike. After a couple of Northcote challenges in front of Clarendon Corner which should've been free kicks to us, Howard threw himself studs up and all in the kind of sick challenge which will see him miss several weeks.

If Howard's recklessness was the end of the affair, that would've been bad enough in our position: in the relegation zone, thin on available players, now with probably ten men to fight out the rest of the match before conceding. But because one stupid thing follows another in 2018, in the ensuing on field melee there came the involvement of a small contingent of what people from outside the playing area, jumping over the fence and getting involved in the fracas. My immediate thought was, "is this Northcote people?", not out of any desire that it was Northcote people, but only because why would a South person get involved when it was a Northcote player that was violently felled?

Sadly, one of the offenders seems to have been injured youth team player Giordano Marafioti, and thus now you wonder what punishment the club will suffer and whether that could include a points deduction. The consensus among some fans, including this one, seems to be that there really is no option but to throw Marafioti to the FFV wolves and hope that the broader club will be spared. Security seemed to move in fairly quickly, escorting away the people who weren't meant to be where they were, but you never know how these things will turn out when they reach the tribunal - especially since there's no such thing as precedent in FFV tribunal hearings.

Then came the "sack the board chants", and the "sack the board" banner, and it's amazing how all hell didn't break loose. In amid all this it took several minutes for a lot of us to realise that one of our players had been sent off. Incredibly, while we could've conceded another goal in the remaining time, we also had the chance to get all three points, as undeserved as that would've been. Minopoulos' back post header should've been better, but we can just add that to the list of things gone wrong this season.

We're not doomed yet - we're still only in third last place - but we're running out of games where we can reasonably consider ourselves having a chance of winning. Having picked up only two points out of a possible twelve against Northcote and Bulleen, we're left with games against only Kingston and Hume where we can take points off fellow relegation battlers. We still have games against Bentleigh, Avondale, and Gully away, and two games against the ladder leading Heidelberg. Being at home has made little difference overall to our prospects of success, and we keep losing players for one stupid reason or another.

The way things are going, it'll be a hell of an escape. I'm not optimistic.

Next game
Melbourne Knights at home on Sunday. Apart from adding to our death spiral, it's a chance for Knights to beat us twice in the same home and away season since 1995. Still, South picking up a win is more important than obscure statistical anomalies.

NPLW team keeps rolling on
Sick as I am of watching our women's team play against Bulleen this season, I nevertheless did make the decision to head out to Lakeside on Saturday ahead of two or three other options. And as usual, it was well worth the effort, the senior women putting in a good performance to finish up 5-1 winners, moving to first on the ladder, a point of Calder United who have a game in hand.

Always a bit more relaxed at women's games for me, which is no disrespect to the women's team who obviously take things seriously. Usual gin and tonic in the social club for me, where I was told by Tegan who's been working the bar that the night before an English futsal hiring had drunk about $3,000 worth of booze, including going through more gin than she'd ever seen before. Got to watch the first half in the match day operations booth, with a relieved George Kouroumalis at the helm, after the scoreboard malfunctions of the previous weeks necessitated repairs by the Trust. These kinds of situations are also good for a bit of scuttlebutt and rumour-mongering, not least that there had been an unusual spike in membership purchases during the week, getting in before the end of financial year cut off date.

Anyway, we were told by one insider that there would be a different style of play that afternoon, with South looking to press high up the pitch, and that proved to be the case early on at least. A very early 1-0 lead bucked the trend of much of what the NPLW side has done this season, which is fall behind and need to wake up and rally from that position. Here though there was the opposite, with the women controlling the game, mostly, and even doubling their lead albeit with a bit of luck from Melina Ayers' not exactly sweet finish. But the side also has a habit of defensive lapses, and copping a goal just before halftime wasn't ideal. Still, the second half was an improvement on the first, and I think the final scoreline does justice to the progress the team has made across the season.

That's a shame, etc
So Nicholas "the People's Champ" Epifano is gone. You could say something frighteningly obvious like "it had to happen", but you'd likely only follow it up with some equally obvious line like "it had to happen years ago". Rather than ramble on and recount the whole complicated history of this player and his time at our club, I'm keen to keep the obituary fairly short.

Along with several Dandenong Thunder players, Nick Epifano joined South Melbourne in mid-2013, during that time when Chris Taylor was appointed coach. The club had the opportunity to sack Epifano after he racially abused the club's own supporters - on multiple occasions - three years ago. Instead it decided to follow Chris Taylor's recommendation to help Epifano deal with his issues - whatever they were - rather than cut him adrift. That the club decided to do just that makes them come across as uncharacteristically noble and progressive, especially when you consider you're talking about South Melbourne Hellas here. Of course people would've also been operating under the idea that Epifano was a talented player that could help us win a championship. Thus followed a few years of South supporters watching Epifano ply his trade for South mostly through gritted teeth, feigned indifference, or with the assistance of supremely ironic emotional distancing. That facade broke apart at last against Pascoe Vale.

To sum up: Nick Epifano is a moderately talented soccer player who is, at best, an Australian second tier talent. Some people think he's got more talent than that, and that it's only character that's held him back, but I'm not convinced. On more than one occasion he was pivotal to our success in our good recent years, but he was just as prone to becoming a liability both on and off the field. He's signed up for North Sunshine Eagles in the state leagues for the rest of 2018 - the state leagues being the only place he can sign for now that the NPL transfer window is closed - and will likely end up back in the NPL somewhere next year, with Taylor's Oakleigh the obvious candidate. Whether we're there for our paths to cross again next year is another matter entirely, and of course the more important thing.

A-League shortlist news
Last Friday the announcement came from FFA HQ that the South Melbourne bid had made the shortlist stage for A-League expansion. Made up of ten out of the rumoured fifteen bids, it's a pretty long list.

• South West Sydney
• United for Macarthur (Sydney)
• Southern Expansion (Sydney region)
• Team 11 (Melbourne)
• South Melbourne 
• Western Melbourne Group
• Brisbane City
• Ipswich Pride
• Canberra & Capital Region
• Wollongong

If I were to attempt to discern some sort of logic as to the selection process thus far, it seems that the shortlist fits in rather neatly with the desire for expansion in bigger television markets - ie, David Gallop's "fish where the fish are" manifesto. Missing out are the Fremantle City, Tasmania, Gold Coast, and West Adelaide bids, and the rumoured but media silent Belgravia bid which no one seems to know anything about.

One could speculate in all sots of ways about why some were kept and some were left out, but that would be a waste of digital ink, and besides, in between now and the final announcement on October 31 there's bound to be all sorts of crazy commentary and shenanigans. Not that any of that matters.

Final thought
I get it now - getting relegated and spending our 60th anniversary in NPL 2 has been designed as a tribute to our 1960 team, which of course played in what was then the Victorian second tier. Coincidence that it was split into two sections back then? I think not! All we need to do is lobby for the east.west split to be refashioned into a north/south one.

Going, going... South Melbourne 2 Pascoe Vale 3

The less said about the 7:00PM kickoff the better; about the only good thing about it was getting to see a mediocre game of footy beforehand. There must have been some serious turf preservation issues, as neither the under 20s nor the women's teams played on the Lakeside surface over the course of the weekend. The scoreboard was also on the blink, which lent the whole affair the unmistakable air of serious decay.

Oh, and we started the game in the relegation playoff spot, after being jumped by Hume City on Friday night after they beat Knights 3-2 at Somers Street.

As for the match itself, it started off reasonably well, and ended up in a much worse place. The proviso for most of our season has been that if we take the lead we have a chance, and that if we fall behind we're stuffed. That we were at first in front, then behind, and level again deep into the game showed at least some character. Then came another very special moment from everyone's favourite heel, and whatever positives we could've gotten out of the game - even just the measly point to get us out of the relegation zone - were soon forgotten.

Without necessarily creating too many clear cut chances, we gave a good account of ourselves early on, and did our best to keep Davey van 't Schip in check; well, as much as any team in our situation could be expected to do. As noted, we even took the lead and managed to carry the lead into the break, Ndumba Makeche putting away one of the better crosses we've put in this season. George Howard was having his best game since he joined us, and Oliver Minatel, who continues to be a minor revelation in his new role. But the second half wasn't as crash hot, and we counted off the time until we were due to concede.

I can't understand the subbing off of Makeche, who seemed to be lively and causing at least some problems for the Pascoe Vale defence, as well as of Pep Marafioti even though he was less effective. The Ndumba subbing was particularly strange, as apart from his attacking efforts he also put in a lot of defensive work on the left hand side of the park, sometimes coming up even into our half to offer extra coverage. The reshuffle seemed to unbalance the team, but at the same time it wasn't like we were far and away the better team - with a bit more luck Pascoe Vale could've been in front long before they actually were. But we were still in the game because most of the team were at least putting in a decent effort.

But Paco got there eventually anyhow, with some truly shoddy defending and clearance work, and our usual lapses in concentration. 2-1 down with just over ten to play, I didn't see us making any sort of comeback, but credit to the team they did well enough to get us back level, Leigh Minopoulos setting up Oliver Minatel for the latter's fifth goal of the season. There was at that moment even a hint of optimism among the crowd. That didn't last very long. Sadly in pushing for the win, we gave up even our nominal point in spectacular fashion. Deep in attack on the right, Nick Epifano was dispossessed when he may have copped a stray arm to the face. Perhaps expecting a free kick that never came - and the incident occurring on the referee's blindside made that call less likely to go our way in any event - or perhaps just as likely putting in one of his customary displays of on field petulance, he showed no interest in chasing his opponent back down the field, and the sequence of play ended up with what what turned out to be the winning goal to the visitors.

Epifano was booed by large sections of the crowd before the ball even made it to the halfway line, let alone into our net. And to be clear, he was booed not for losing he ball, but for making no effort whatsoever to chase back. He shushed the crowd and later performed a small fist pump celebrating the visitors' goal. Every time he touched the ball after that he was greeted with anger from the crowd. It being late on a Sunday and preferably wanting to get home before that evening's World Cup coverage started, I left as soon as the final whistle went. It didn't help my overall goal - the transport situation worked out so that I got home at 10:30 - but at least I got to avoid whatever post-match nonsense may have taken place. At this point in time there is no official word on whether Epifano is still at the club. There have been some rumours about him ending up somewhere in the state leagues for the rest of the season - the only place he can go now that the NPL transfer window is closed - but who actually knows? It would be easy to assume that there is no way he'll be allowed to come back, but how many times has that been said before? Before publishing the obituary for his colourful South Melbourne Hellas life, we should make sure it's dead first.

The only positive for the team's fight against relegation is that Bulleen thumped Kingston on yesterday, which while it brought the Lions to within a game (and much worse goal difference) of our position, it at least kept Kingston within touching distance for us rather than let them get away from us completely. It gives us something more than the illusion that survival is possible.

Sasa Kolman resigns as senior coach
Sasa Kolman is officially no longer the South Melbourne senior men's coach. It had been rumoured that Kolman had offered his resignation earlier in the season on one, or perhaps even two occasions, with that offer(s) rejected by the board. It was clear that the board had - for probably noble and ignoble reasons - a lot of faith in Kolman, but the circumstances have proved them wrong.

Kolman has and will cop stick for being the guy who knew beforehand that Taylor was going to get ousted, and that he himself was the one earmarked to replace one of the club's most successful coaches on short notice and to the surprise of pretty much everyone at South Melbourne outside the board. Hamstrung to a degree by the incredibly late move of the board to sack Taylor, as well as recruiting decisions made by the board and/or Taylor before Taylor's sacking, I have some sympathy for Kolman. It is not a sympathy that will be shared by many supporters, understandably so. He will be viewed as disloyal, which would've been more tolerable had the club done better than it has done. He will also be viewed as inept, a youth coach getting in over his head.

Kolman started off the season confidently, a good pre-season result against Guangzhou R&F and a solid first couple of league games giving him the chance to get some clear air. But bad luck (the goalkeeping mess, poor discipline by players, especially regarding concentration and suspensions, and his own two dismissals) and his own backing away from his high pitch, high energy pressing style of game have lead to a poor run of results, where each good result and passable performance is followed by two or three poor ones. His lack of confidence in his initial game plan was later mirrored by his disappearance from the club's media avenues.

It also saw an erratic shuffling of the playing decks from week to week, no two lineups ever quite being the same even when there was the chance to follow up on a winning effort. In defence and in midfield, it was impossible to tell what his preferred structure was once he abandoned his high press. Player positions changed, mostly to no improvement - except for the move of Oliver Minatel to defensive midfield - and morale obviously crashed. Some of the poor morale is on the board as well, obviously, and clearly at least some of the players have little enough respect for Kolman or for the board - leaking posts from their senior squad's private Facebook group is just one sign among many at the collapse in discipline and morale within the playing group.

And Kolman's use of the bench - or just as often, non use - was also inexplicable. I understand that he may have thought that the youth players he had there were not ready to step up, but there were situations where an inexperienced but nevertheless fit youth team player was seen as far inferior to a crippled senior team regular.

Con Tangalakis has been appointed the senior coach for the rest of the season, which was always a likely outcome once he was brought into the fold a few weeks ago. At the moment I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. here's to being proven wrong. Please, prove us all wrong.

Next game
Northcote at home on Sunday, in the club's most important game in 14 years. I know I've said something like that across the past several years, but is it any less true this time around? It could be the start of something good, or just the continuation of the very bad thing we already have.

No word on whether Matthew Millar will be back from his trial at Central Coast Mariners, though the word on the street was that it was a two week stint of which last week was the second week. No word yet either on whether Iqi Jawadi will be fit enough to take part in any way this week.

Around the grounds
Grim
At McKechnie Reserve in St Albans on Saturday arvo  for the state league 2 north-west Greek derby between Westvale and Altona East. Hadn't been to Westvale for a few years now, but times there seem pretty damn tough. Very low attendance, and not much support or even volunteer culture - when you have an elderly bloke with obvious hand tremors making the souvs, it's not a great situation out there. (An OK souv at a good price by the way, which makes me wonder why South can't do something similar). Westvale on field are also in big trouble, just the one win so far this season, in second last place, and almost certain to go down to state 4. Altona East aren't crash hot, but their lower mid-table position means they're safe from relegation even at the midpoint of the season. To Westvale's credit they put in a solid shift throughout this game, and perhaps deserved to lead at the break. Altona East were better in the second half, which doesn't mean they were good, but this game had a bleak hue to it, and the increasingly dark skies - this game finished in near darkness - created a portent that this was going to be hard-fought scoreless draw. Which is exactly what happened.

Final thought
During the game someone found what appeared to be discarded membership card in Clarendon Corner, and the vibe seemed to be that someone had had enough of everything South Melbourne related, and who could blame them. I was given the card, recognised the surname scrawled in texta on the back, and having contacted the card's owner, I can relay to you dear reader that it was not "discarded", only "lost". So, one very minor saving grace from last week's mess of a match day.

The Bold and the Hellas - South Melbourne 4 Dandenong Thunder 0

After Saturday night's results, there was not much sleep to be had. While nominally a good result for us, in that they took points off each other, the draw between Northcote and Hume saw us drop down into the relegation slots. Even worse, Kingston pulled their finger out against a lacklustre Avondale, and jumped up a few spots at our expense. So there we were on Saturday night, and into Sunday, sitting in second last spot, with a game in hand, but nothing else to latch on to.

Then when you rock up to a game and you hear so many different squad and lineup configurations that you have no idea what's real and what isn't, that doesn't fill you with any confidence either. No Matthew Foschini seemed pretty certain, he being suspended with five yellows. No Schroen (still suspended) and no Jawadi (still injured) was also something to bank on. But what of everyone else?

Previously, word on the street was that Milos Lujic had made his one appearance in between serving his five match suspension and leaving for Russia, so we were going to see Ndumba Makeche start... no! Milos was due to start, and Makeche on the bench. Jerrad Tyson was meant to be off to India, having received an offer too good to refuse to play there. He would be replaced by Zaim Zeneli (currently of promotion to NPL2 hunting North Sunshine) and/or Nikola Roganovic (currently or recently filling in at Richmond), except Tyson started this game and who knows for sure when he'll go exactly and who will replace him.

There were reputed doubts about Brad Norton';s fitness for the match, but that rumour was at least put to bed when he told me that he would be playing. But the surprises kept coming. Kristian Konstantinidis was reputedly struggling with personal issues, and likely to start on the bench, replaced in the starting lineup by... Tim Mala! Well, that turned out to be half true. KK started the game and played most of it, and Timmy Mala came on later on.

Such "getting the gang back together" shenanigans smacked of the end of Golden Gordon or every hokey American sports movie you can think of - minus the reformed outsider delinquent. Actually, speaking of reformed outsider delinquents, what of the People's Champ? He didn't play last week. He was gone from the club. He was, finally, a former South Melbourne player. Except that didn't happen. Somehow, through the reputed magical intervention of mediation, new coaching assistant (or something like that) Con Tangalakis, and a team bonding barbecue(?!), everything was sorted out well enough that everyone's *redacted* player was back in the staring lineup.

It was me, Clarendon Corner! It was me, all along, South Melbourne!

No doubt this whole situation has been handled incredibly poorly for so many years by so many parties, but having tolerated it for long enough until it finally broke of its own volition, everyone immediately concerned could have at least come up with a more creative way of doing things. For instance, would it not have been better for the club to make an announcement that Nick Epifano had left Lakeside, only to be replaced by a new player (El Boyo Loco or whatever) from "parts unknown", wearing a mask or some sort of disguise, who would play brilliantly over the course of the second half of the season, before finally revealing his true identity for the purposes of finally going over with his face-turn or, even better, going for a monster-heel double-down. Look, we're in the entertainment business, and I'm just trying to help.

If you wanted even more surprises, there was no Christos "Patrida" Intzidis in the starting lineup, with the returning-from-Scandinavia Luke Adams taking his place in central defence, and surprisingly perhaps Intzidis not even used in the role of defensive midfield. With Luke Pavlou departed, and Foschini suspended, that role was taken up by... Oliver Minatel! Oliver Mintael, reputed winger who's barely played on the wing (his apparent preferred position) due to the injury and suspension situation of the club. Oliver Minatel, who even when he has played as a winger, has showed little. Oliver Minatel, whose almost entire worth to the club thus far has been four goals of varying degrees of novelty value.

And yet, he was actually quite good in the role. I'm not going to go over the top and say that it was a transformative experience - he could be found out next week for all we know - but for this game it worked well enough. Minatel seems to read the game well, but more importantly, being in that position meant he was in the game a lot more whether he liked it or not. (And for whatever it's worth, he did apparently volunteer for the role). Being much more in the game rather than being stranded up front or out wide meant that he was able to influence a game in ways that he has not been able to do so previously in 2018.

The sputtering at best midfield of last week became a lot more fluid as well, the new jelling with the old in promising ways, albeit mostly from counter-attacks. Again, small sample size and all that, but we were counter-attacking well and smoothly, transitioning quickly from defence to attack. Of course counter attacking is much easier to do when a) you have a lead and b) you have a lead in part because you haven't conceded after seven seconds. It was probably just an accident that the scoreboard didn't kick in properly until about 15 seconds into the game.

So yes, going ahead early makes the opposition have to come out and chase the game and therefore makes counter attacking easier, at least in theory. What was astonishing about the early lead we took is that the Dandenong player didn't get a yellow card for that vicious tackle but also, considering how our season has been going, that Milos Lujic didn't miss the penalty. Indeed, he put it right into the top corner. The second goal was a good finish from the People's Champ after being released on the break. The third goal, almost unseen, came from a short corner, and thus I'm not comfortable with it being counted in the first half tally.

Three-nil at the break would suggest we were all over Thunder, but that was not quite the case. It was a far more free-flowing, end-to-end, and much more competitive affair than that. Thunder probably struggled to create as many clear cut chances as we were doing, but they could've scored, and had they done so you wonder how the game would've gone, what with our penchant for rapid self-immolation this year. Thankfully, that never came about. We only added one more goal in the second half, Ndumba Makeche tucking away an easy back post chance, and everybody was happy to get out of this game with all three points, and out of the relegation zone.

It was a terrifying 18 or so hours in the red zone - and there's no guarantees that we won't be back there again soon - but the wash up of the win on Sunday was that we actually distanced ourselves ever so slightly from two members of the chasing pack. What's more, we got ourselves back into positive goal difference, which in dire situations like this, is worth a half a point by itself. Oh, and there seemed to be renewed effort and desire in the squad. No one's sure if that newfound lust for battle will last the first test of true adversity, but it was exciting to have it back for at least 90 minutes.

Next game
Oakleigh at home on Saturday evening. For those who concern themselves with such triviliaties, it will be Chris Taylor's first game at Lakeside since his sacking, and his first game back after his mid-season trip to Europe. Of course, it is also worth noting that after the game, the social club will be screening the Socceroos vs France World Cup match, for which he club has said you will need to book tables for if you wish to sit down and watch the game instead of stand - that's $50 per head, and you get meal platters, etc. It's also worth noting that rather than the under 20s curtain raiser, our NPLW side will be playing against Alamein, with kickoff at 2:30PM.

Shortlist shenanigans
Those hoping for closure on the matter of the A-League expansion process will have to wait a couple more days at least. Today was the day - yes, I know it's a public holiday, but this is Australian soccer after all - where there was meant to be an announcement of the shortlist for the A-League expansion hopefuls.

No decision on A-League expansion short list for at least a couple more days. Have been told Deloittes went back with few more Q’s to the groups. So they are waiting for some replies.

— Ray Gatt (@Gatty54) June 11, 2018

That kind of make-it-up-as-you-go-along approach is of course remarkably reassuring, as are rumours that the licence fee will be $15 million. Not that any of that matters.

Around the grounds
...and if you're in jail, break out!!!
As promised to no one in particular last week, I headed north across the wrong side of the tracks to the catch up game between Westgate and Whittlesea United. Yes, Tansel Baser was there for the visitors, but that mattered not when Westgate opened the scoring after two minutes. But then Whittlesea took the game by the scruff of the neck, scoring three goals in the next 20 minutes. The pick of the bunch was the equaliser, which was a solo effort with the player in question dribbling past three or four opponents and slotting his goal just inside the post. Considering the usual standard of this league, it wasn't just beautiful, but transcendent, a distillation of everything good about football. At 3-1 it looked like Whittlesea were going to run away with it, but the first half settled down after that. After halftime Westgate were much improved, but they were wasteful in front of goal. They got one back, which made the game really interesting, but that's all they got.

Final thought
Safe travels to all those heading to Russia for the World Cup.

Dire situation - South Melbourne 1 Bulleen Lions 2

Yes, it's true. I have done everything in my powers to push the writing of this post to whenever the latest possible moment was. I read a novel from start to finish for the first time since January. I went on ridiculously long bus trips with one of my brothers so that he could order some new glasses. I watched a hell of a lot of TV that even I'm embarrassed to admit that I watched - though I stopped short at the Denton interview of Gene Simmons. I even read the letters pages of Royal Auto, where people who like going on car trips to see lighthouses or complaining about less than stellar driving by their fellow motorists go because they haven't discovered the black hole of social media.

Spoilt as we have been these past few years with something approximating relative success, being now mired in something very much more akin to complete and utter suckage makes being a South fan less tolerable. The suddenness of that transformation adds to the misery. At least when we sucked in the years 2007 to (June/July) 2013, that sucking felt like a warm blanket: yes we sucked, but in the VPL years it became basically all we knew, and on some level you could justify turning up to watch mediocre season after mediocre season. After all, the club was probably going to cark it soon, so what did it matter if we won or lost?

But winning changed the feeling, made the real or imagined post-NSL death spiral of the club feel less real. But winning has gone, so here we are, back to the old feeling, but much worse. Lining up with what could be considered a makeshift midfield at best - no Schroen, Epifano, Jawadi, Brennan, Pavlou, and instead fielding newly signed and probably out of position Howard and Marafioti, and a busted up Minopoulos - expectations were low. Sure there was a returning after five weeks' suspension and before he leaves for Russia next week Milos Lujic, but that was probably just as much down to new striker signing Ndumba Makeche's international clearance not coming through as anything. Unless of course Makeche actually isn't very good, and we were going to start Milos regardless.

Of course none of that mattered in the slightest because we conceded a goal after seven seconds. SEVEN SECONDS! I can only remember seeing such a thing happen in the flesh once, and even then it was a state league two reserves game and there were mitigating circumstances of an absolute fool of a referee who made a big deal before kickoff about the colour of the long sleeves worn under the jerseys, and despite that there were still no real excuses for copping that goal. The blokes who copped that goal for us on Sunday are experienced, well-remunerated, and any number of other positive epithets you can choose to use. You can point to discord and disquiet, low morale, poor coaching, any number of things, but you should still never cop a goal within seven second of play.

At least wait thirty seconds! That implies that there may have been some neat passing, or a piece of stunning bad luck, or at least some semblance of someone trying to provide an obstacle to conceding the goal. The only obstacle to us conceding was a hopelessly stranded Jerrad Tyson in goals, and what he could seriously do when seeing that blue and white Red Sea open in front of him except hope for the absolute best while expecting the absolute worst?

After that, we put in some effort to try and get back that goal, but it was rather like the proverbial dirty, slimy, airborne pig. No amount of rationalisation could convince anyone that it was still any good. Brad Norton, the one man seemingly willing to front up and take any responsibility for what has been going on this year, did his best; but as for the rest, whether new signing or old hand, nothing clicked, nothing worked, and nothing looked like working. And when you're going through a dire run of form, all the things which work out when you're going well - opposition mistakes, referee decisions, a cleared ball landing in or at the edge of the box with one of yours ready to hit it home - all goes the window, making things even harder.

I mean, there were neat touches, and lots of crosses and corners, but rarely any of these things in consecutive order, and thus rarely a moment where there seemed to be any coherence in our path towards goal. Everything seems forced and predictable now. And then the ball gets turned over, and then the other side of problem comes out, players out of position, players being played out of position, and players making fundamental errors of skill and concentration. Sure we lasted more than seven seconds without conceding after halftime, but the goal we copped three minutes into the second half was little better than the one we copped in the first. If there was any doubt that we were going to get back in this game, it was extinguished then and there.

Late on we actually managed to score, Oliver Minatel bundling home what we hoped but did not dare believe could be the goal that would kick start a comeback, and it turns out that it didn't. This is not 2017 after all. Sure we pumped balls forward, but never really got close, just as we hadn't got close for the rest of the game. Now, critical as I have been of Minatel this season, I will give him this much credit - even though his four goals in 2018 have been the arsiest collection of goals in a South shirt since Kevin Nelson's half season with us in 2006, at least he's managed to get them! While everyone else fiddles while Rome burns or wallows in their own misery, Minatel has something to point to as a contribution. Call it clutching at straws if you like, but in a shipwreck situation you try and grab onto anything you can to stay afloat.

I can't even say Bulleen played that well. They looked like the bottom of the table team that they are, but they still created three or four genuine chances compared to our measly half chances of crosses met by no one or players off balance or caught easily by the Bulleen keeper. And I don't mean to sell Bulleen short, because they did the job they came to do, but even out of form the calibre of players we had out there shouldn't have let the situation deteriorate so much. But we are so much less the sum of our parts at the moment that anything resembling competence from our opponents makes things seem impossible from our end. Indeed, the last game we won, against Kingston, was as much due to Kingston's incompetence in the two goals they coughed up to us as it was due to anything we did ourselves.

Where improvement will come in the short term, let alone the rest of the season as a whole, is anyone's guess, but I don't think anyone's particularly optimistic. At some point Marcus Schroen will come back into the side, hopefully a fit Iqi. Maybe this Ndumba guy will show us that the Malaysian third division is a step up from the NPL? We're somehow still outside the relegation zone, but that won't last - indeed that could happen as early ads Saturday night if Northcote and Hume play out a draw. There's half a season's worth of games to go for us, but seemingly no one inside the club who knows how to "dig up, stupid".

Next game
Dandenong Thunder at home.

Mid-season ins and out
There are a lot of rumours flying around about who's in and who's out, and those rumours are getting increasingly extreme as befits our current crisis. Among the factual elements:

Ins

• Luke Adams (miscellaneous frozen tundra) 
• Giuseppe "Pep" Marafioti (Oakleigh)
• George Howard (APIA, not the insurance company unless he has a day job there)
• Ndumba Makeche (Malaysia)

Outs

• Andy Brennan (Oakleigh)
• Luke Pavlou (Oakleigh)
• Keegan Coulter (dunno)
• Ajdin Fetahagic (*shrugs shoulders*)

After that though... I don't know. There have been persistent rumours that night club proprietor and recently ousted Oakleigh Cannons co-coach Con Tangalakis will be coming in as an assistant or mentor or something for Sasa Kolman. That hasn't happened yet, it may not ever happen, or it could happen really subtly and one day he'll just happen to be there as if he was always there.

Not that it was any of our business, and it may not even become relevant regardless, but I always wondered how a co-coaching arrangement worked. I mean, co-captains is a stupid enough arrangement, but unless you're in a sport like cricket or rugby union where captains have some tangible responsibility aside from deciding which end to kick to, captaincy is probably a fairly overrated concept in sports; though I say this with no first-hand experience of having had to serve under a captain in any sport. But co-coaches? Who is ultimately responsible for success or failure? Typically, my mind goes to toward Andorra's dual-prince arrangement, though even there I assume that's mostly ceremonial in function.

As for the rest of the transfer window, I don't know if there are any other players lined up for entry or exit. A lot of that probably depends on the fate of the matter below.

A Gannon Television production, for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation
The whereabouts and fate of the People's Champ against Bulleen went largely unremarked upon, surprisingly. I suppose when you cop a goal within seven seconds of starting, trivial things like that seem to matter a lot less. Still, there are no official reports of what the ultimate fate is for Nick Epifano regarding his tenure at South. The overwhelming consensus of the rumour mill is that he is no longer at South, or that he is on his way out of the club. Somebody told me or I read somewhere that his name was taken down from his locker, but I have no idea if this is true or whether the players even have their names above their lockers.

While agreeing that he is out of the club, the various rumour mongers can't agree on just where he will or where he has ended up. Oakleigh to reunite with Chris Taylor? Avondale, whom he reputedly was set to join up with after the end of the 2017 season? Heidelberg, with his mate Andrew Cartanos? At the time of print, no one seemed to know for sure. Neither does anyone know whether these or any other potential destination clubs have room in their PPS caps - assuming anyone's still bothering to tally those up - or whether potential destination clubs even want him, seeing Epifano a disruptive and needy dressing room presence that they could do without, regardless of his talent.

And then of course you have those of our fans who view these things pragmatically and/or vindictively, who suggest that as an unwilling but nevertheless contracted player, the People's Champ should be made to play out the rest of the season in the under 20s especially if we can't get a decent transfer fee for him. I get the logic of that kind of sentiment, but... actually there is no but. Surely we should do what's in South's best interests here, right? It's coming across all very high school at the moment. Considering Epifano's inability to bust out a convincing highbrow pro-wrestling style face-turn, such a development in the storyline probably suits the low-rent Australian teen soap-opera the whole Epifano saga has actually resembled.

Andrew Howe's Socceroos Encyclopaedia
Last Tuesday, Andrew Howe's national tour to launch his Socceroos Encyclopaedia made its Melbourne stop, in our very own social club. It being a Tuesday (training) night and the proceedings getting underway at about 6:00PM perhaps made it difficult for people to attend; nevertheless to my mind the turnout was disappointing. At about 30 odd people, there was a distinct lack of South fans, general Australian soccer and Socceroos fans, and especially former Socceroos. Look, I get that it's a book launch, and not exactly the hottest ticket in town in Australian soccer circles, but when we complain that we don't get enough positive press and that we don't get enough of our stories told, and then we refuse to support those who are doing some of the heavy lifting - and in Howe's case, some of the heaviest lifting over a considerable period of time - then how surely we lose some credibility as a self-righteous and always indignant soccer culture.

Anyway, that little rant out of the way, let's turn our attention to the festivities at hand. Bonita Mersiadies, (the publisher of the book via her Fair Play press, a new player in the local soccer publishing scene) was overseas, so it fell to former South Melbourne Hellas board member and current AAFC spruiker Tom Kalas to introduce the book, who did a good job. Then it was time for the man of the moment to do his thing. Howe provided a shortened version of the presentation he gave at the PFA's history conference a couple of weeks before (and I will get to finishing that write up, I swear), discussing trends of migration and ethnic origins of the Socceroos, as well the national men's journeys across the world over the past 96 years.

Then several Socceroos in attendance - Heidelberg's Jim Tansey and Gary Cole, South Melbourne's
George Christopoulos, Jimmy Armstrong, Alan Davidson, Con Boutsianis, and Ted Smith -  recounted brief highlights and recollections of playing for Australia. This can be seen below in George Cotsanis' video of that portion of the event.



Afterwards, I appreciated those Socceroos present - later joined by a late arriving FFV president and former Socceroo Kimon Taliadoros - taking the time to sign the books for those fans who had made the effort to turn up for the launch. I'm not usually an autograph hunter or prone to fan boy antics (except for one particular example from many years ago, but that's another story), and usually the author's signature is more than enough. But I made sure to go around collecting all the signatures available. I also enjoyed the conversations had with some of the players, especially about Middle Park and trying to identify the characters in South's Team of the Century painting.

As for the book itself... it's a beast of a hardcover, retailing at around $70. I'm not a fan of hardcover books myself, but I've no regrets over my purchase. It's beautifully presented, plenty of colour photographs, and the kind of thing that should find its way into every public library and into the home. Along with the biographies of each Socceroo, the book also included statistical and demographic analysis, and special features on four World Cup captains, which don't shy away from the personal toll that role can take on a player.

A Matildas version is also in the works, set for publication next year, which will tell a very different but equally important story. If the quality of that production comes anywhere close to this book, it'll also be worth purchasing. One feels also that with the 100th anniversary of the first Australian national team game coming up in 2022, that there could be a bumper centenary edition coming up.

Comment moderation issue
I'm slower in approving comments on here lately because they're no longer being emailed to me for approval. That's a Google issue, which I hope is sorted out soon.

Around the grounds
Shiny swinging metallic balls
Sometimes if South is going really badly or has lost an important match, I don't have the heart to go to other matches. And sometimes South is going so badly, that going to another match, one I can watch as a neutral, is actually kind of pleasurable. I don't mind the cold when the sun disappears behind a cloud or some trees. I don't mind the dewy grass, or the bracing winds. I don't even mind the dire football likely to be on offer. I don't even have a formula for deciding whether to go or not when I'm in one of these moods. At best it's a Newton's cradle; sometimes the metallic misery balls swing one way, and then another. So, after doing the weekly supermarket trip on Saturday I decided to drive to Ardeer Reserve for Westgate vs Corio. I hadn't seen Westgate play since they moved back to the newly renovated Ardeer Reserve this season, after spending last year playing home games around the corner from my house. I hadn't seen Corio for three years.

I bought my cevapi roll, resisted the urge to buy a "Косово је Србија" wristband, and settled in to watch the game. I got chatting to the Whittlesea United assistant coach who was there to watch Westgate - they play them this week in a catch-up game - and learned that Tansel Baser is still kicking arse for Whittlesea at 40 years of age. Corio took the lead from the one indisputable moment of quality in the game; a brilliant through ball cut up the Westgate defence, and the poor touch of the Corio forward actually saw the ball slip out of reach while also making the home side's keeper collide with said forward, giving away a penalty. The penalty was saved, but the rebound tucked away, and thus we settled in for about 80 minutes of Corio sitting back, soaking up pressure, and Westgate not really having any idea how to break that down. Oh, they got close a couple of times from set pieces - and one disallowed goal had the locals in a frenzy, which then ended up in a bizarrely amicable discussion between the crowd and the officiating linesman on the outer side - but they could've played for another 90 minutes and still not have found the equaliser.

Still, I look forward to seeing Tansel in action there this week.

Final thought
The loukoumades people couldn't even organise to have crushed walnuts on hand. End times are nearer than even I'd imagined.

South of the Border Awards 2017

Player of the year: Nick Epifano. The People's Champ missed the first five games, but was one of the two catalysts - along with Michael Eagar - for our turnaround in form after the poor start to the season. His performances were more even across the season than they have been in the past, and his effort on the defensive side of the game also improved a lot. Here's hoping that this season is a launching pad to an even better season next year.

Under 21 player of the year: The Cliff Hussey Memorial Trophy goes to Matthew Millar. Two years in a row, thank goodness he turned 21 in August so he can't win it again next season.

Goal of the year: Milos Lujic vs Knights at home. Yes it was a great goal, an atypical one for six yard box specialist like Milos, but its timing - after a half where we'd been pretty well outplayed and should've been down 2-0 at least - adds to the magic.

Best performance: against Heidelberg at the Bubbledome. Played them off the park from beginning to end.

Best away game of the year: I didn't go, but apparently the trip to the Gold Coast was pretty wild.

Call of the year: 'Come on Laura, miss it for South!' - me, at former South player Laura Spiranovic as she was taking a penalty in the shoot-out for Geelong Galaxy in the grand final against South. Laura missed.

Chant of the year: A-League or NPL / It doesn't matter to us/ The only thing that really matters / Is South Melbourne Hellas. Honourable mentions to 'Bill Paps is on fire the truth is terrified', and,'Sing us a song you're a Hellas fan', even if only like three of us actually

Best pre-match/after match dinner location: The social club wins by default. It'll have to lift its game next year though.

Friends we lost along the way: The social club count up clock. Smfcboard.com. Paul Henning. :(

Barely related to anything stupidity highlight of the year: I mean, where do you start? Misplaced fingers? Alleged spitting? Players going on holidays during the season? The visa player who spent most of his time in the 20s? Me beating Big Griff on FIFA 15 in the social club by having some random PAOK player's shot dribble underneath Mat Ryan? My image being plastered all over Windsor station by a bunch of kids?

I could go on. But I think the award should go to the West of the Quarry Twitter account, which a few rounds into the season was having a right old laugh at our very poor start to the season, only to see the tables turned pretty quickly.

That awkward moment when you laugh at South for being in the relegation zone a few weeks into the season.

— West of the Quarry (@wotq53) May 14, 2017

At least they admitted their mea culpa. Going to so many of their games this season was almost as enjoyable as going to our games. Too bad that it seems they've got their act together for 2018.

Odds and ends leading into our FFA Cup semi-final

There's news things which I could link to, but you're all pretty tech savvy individuals, so this is more of a filler piece, with some general advice about what to expect on Wednesday.

If you believe such things, ticket sales have been going pretty well for our FFA Cup semi-final, at about 3,000 pre-sales. That augurs well for a decent crowd, which will depend somewhat on what kind of hype (if any) will be built in the remaining few days, and if the relatively fine weather we've been having holds up.

At any rate, whatever the specific crowd number will be it's fairly certain that it will be one of the bigger crowds at Lakeside for a South game for many years, and thus there will be some common sense which will need to be applied on the night.

For starters, the car parking situation around the ground will likely be atrocious. So either get there early if you can, park further away, or seriously consider taking public transport. The no.12 tram goes right past the ground, while the no.1 stops two blocks away, on Clarendon Street or Moray Street. You could even take the no.96 down to MSAC.

Apart from pre-purchasing your tickets online, getting to the ground a little earlier should (though I make no promises on this) make all the difference with regards to getting into the ground in a timely manner. Whether you're new to Lakeside or have merely forgotten what it's like to have more than 200 people turn up to one of our games, it's worth remembering that our people have a tendency to turn up to games at the latest possible moment. I assume both gates will be open, which should make things easier.

Our regulars of course know this, but it's worth noting for 'occasional' and new visitors, that Lakeside is a non-smoking venue.

In terms of food and drink, if you're not a social club member, you may find it difficult if not impossible to get into the social club on the night. I am told however that there will be other food and drink stands open around the ground, and that these will be under operating under the auspices of the club. It also seems there will be a loosening of the up to now very tight liquor arrangements. All this is part of a hoped for general improvement in what South can offer on a match day.

I don't know if there will be any significant range of merchandise. If you're into that kind of thing, you know the drill already: bring your wallet, bring your credit cards, and hope that there's enough stock to satisfy your longing for stuff.

It might rain on Wednesday, it might not. If it does, the best places to be will be under those small parts of both stands which provide shelter. If it starts getting windy, that sheltered areas is diminished further, If you're out in the outer, bring an umbrella or poncho. Fox Sports will apparently be filming from the northern stand, which will reduce the capacity of that stand by a little bit.

If you choose sit in the bay in which Clarendon Corner locates itself, especially in the rows immediately behind them, you're more likely to have an obstructed view. Clarendon Corner will be standing and they will be waving flags and arms and such. If you are sensitive to swearing for whatever reason, this might also not be the best place to locate yourself. A good thing then that the whole venue will be open, right?

If you are not a regular in Clarendon Corner, but choose to stand in there on the night, there's some pretty basic protocols. If you're going to stand right in the middle, you should do so on the understanding that you will be expected to chant. If you're not a big chanter, stand somewhere to the edges. No flares. Don't be a dick. Pretty straightforward.

There will be no segregation at the game. I don't know if Sydney FC fans will bothering to turn up in such numbers as to be creating any sort of organised atmosphere. My advice for those of them that want to congregate somewhere is to take up a spot in the northern stand or on the terracing behind the goals. As for any other Sydney fans attending, sit or stand pretty much where common sense says you should. Most of us don't bite.

One hopes that the atmosphere will be jovial and relatively lighthearted. Of course we South people want to win this game, thought realistically our chances are fairly remote. Hopefully the boys can do well enough and have enough good fortune so as to at least make a game of it. If things go bad, it's not a reflection on us specifically, but mostly on the stark inequities of the situation as a whole.

That's not much as far as inspirational speeches go, but that's never been my bag anyway. For those able to enjoy South matches, enjoy it. For those who have more trouble enjoying games with any measure of importance, you know best how to deal with it.

In other news...
Not unexpectedly Nick Epifano won our best and fairest award for season 2017, at a low key awards night last Saturday in the social club. How low key? Pretty much no one outside the players and committee knew it was on. Natalie Martineau took out the equivalent women's award.

Coming up short - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 2

Luke Adams puts in a cross during injury time. Photo: Cindy Nitsos. 

It's a good thing we've hit the month leading up the FFA Cup proper, and people have stopped caring about our league form. If the loss to Bentleigh in the Dockerty Cup semi final didn't freak out anybody, and a scratchy win against Oakleigh was overshadowed by the antics of Dr Aki, then yesterday was just plain old disappointing. And while some have sought to make claims for being unlucky, or counting it as a sort of blessing for shaking us out of our complacency - a necessary wake up call coming into the squeaky bum time of the season - I would've preferred we got the points and deal with the complacency in a different way.

And to think that we started this game off so well, with our most blistering counter-attack goal since forever. It looked like a fully fledged credible professional goal. Not some fluke long bomb, not a goal mouth scramble, not some dire defensive error, but a ridgy-didge team goal executed with flair and polish. Then we sat back, or least gave Gully too much room to waltz around the middle of the park. I'm not sure if it was an instruction, or something instinctive in the players as a whole, but it has happened on a few occasions this season where we've given the opposition to show initiative for reasons I'm not able to understand - neither do I exactly know who to blame.

I speculate that there was some instruction to sit back from Chris Taylor, because Leigh Minopoulos was sitting quite deep and playing pretty close to Matthew Foschini. Leigh's a good player, but he's not necessarily a defensive or grunt style player, so it seemed odd to me that he'd be so far back. I said to a mate I reckon he'd be subbed for Stefan Zinni, and lo and behold, that's almost what happened in the second half - though instead of Zinni, it was David Barca Moreno who replaced Leigh. But more on that later.

The absence of Michael Eagar due to suspension didn't help matters - his reading of the play both at centre back and on his forays to defensive mid to clean up attacks has been a big part of our turnaround in form. Kristian Konstantinidis, finally back after his long suspension, filled in for Eagar, but it didn't quite feel the same. This is understandable, because Konstantinidis has been out of the game for ages. Still, it was a general issue across the park. Gully's first goal from a corner was the tip of the iceberg - we'd been struggling to clear our lines, and it was only right that they'd pull the goal back from a goal mouth scramble.

That's not to say that we'd given up attacking, and we had our fair share of moments in the first half, but our execution let us down. But the sloppy play cost us at the other end of the ground as well, when Jesse Daley's misplaced pass in midfield, and Jonathan Bounas being allowed to ungracefully stroll through midfield by Daley and Luke Pavlou and launch a bomb. So, 2-1 down at half time, and in the second half more casual defending gifted Gully the chance to extend their lead.

But credit to the South boys, they had by far the better of the second half. A pity that our crosses were dealt with too easily most of the time, and that luck wasn't on our side. But you also make your own luck, and Daley being carded in the box for a dive, and then Millar (the latter at least probably a slip than simulation, but he was certainly claiming the foul).

Nick Epifano shot high from the edge of the area when he should've at least hit the target. Barca Moreno, who did little of note during his stint, missed an open header in injury time - a sharp chance, yes, but one he should score. And Milos Lujic thought he'd be smart and put his penalty shot (earned by a Zinni run) straight down the middle, again, but Lewis Spine didn't fall for it. The short corner played at the death was the stuff of a million South Melbourne short corner nightmares.

The loss is a setback, because having worked so hard to work our way to a share of top spot, we've fallen behind both in terms of points (three behind Heidelberg) and lost a good chunk of goal difference because of the Bergers' solid 4-0 win at North Geelong. Seeing as we have Avondale, Bentleigh, Hume and Pascoe Vale to play - as well as the desperate Knights and Kingston, our aim of finishing top, while not gone by a long short, is now that much harder because of this loss. The saving grace may be

Next game
North Geelong away, in the first of four consecutive away matches. I'm looking forward to this one, except for the getting there and back part.

Social club still ironing out the kinks
There was more refinement in the social club menu, though nothing earth shattering. There was pastitsio on the specials board, and I saw South of the Border favourite Savvas Tzionis trying to make headway into what was a frankly ludicrously huge piece.

It was also the first home game in quite some time with the under 20s playing in the curtain raiser. That meant that at least nominally, membership cards should have been scanned and tickets sold right from the start of the day. When having the women's team play the curtain raiser, FFV rules stipulate that club cannot charge for entry before half time of those games - this is because you're not allowed to charge entry for WNPL games.

But on Sunday, there was talk that entry to the venue was not necessarily effectively enforced. While I had my membership scanned, I didn't notice any security early on making sure people entering did the same or at least buy a ticket. To be fair, I think most people turning up did the right thing - and the security/bag check area outside the door leading to the arena was manned, as usual and asking for proof of membership or tickets.

But it seems like both an inefficient and error prone process. I hope it gets sorted out soon.

So it's come to this, again - FFA Cup draw news
The short version is that we've been drawn at home against Edgeworth Eagles for the FFA Cup round of 32. Our match has been scheduled for Wednesday July 26th - the game will also be broadcast on Fox Sports.

The long version is of course much sadder than the short version, because this is what we live for now.

The club put up the notice that they would open up the social club for lunch while the draw was streamed, and yea verily they turned up in their, well, not too bad numbers all things considered. Of those expected to 'represent' in some sense, there were club employees, some board members, Brad Norton and Michael Eagar. As for the fans, it was made of the self-employed, the non-employed, and those within rock throwing distance of Lakeside - all waiting to see who'd we get put up against in this tournament which I loathe with, if not quite every fibre of my being, then at least those bits that I can spare.

Having flown up a number of coaches up to Sydney for the draw, it made sense that the whole thing would be dragged out for as long as it took, but you've got to pity those who took the day off work to do so and then ended up not being interviewed. Aside from having to do deal with Fox stretching the draw out, the lowlight was having to endure the drone of Kenny Lowe's voice. Call me juvenile, but the highlight of the broadcast for me was host Tara Ruhston being caught off-guard when an ad break finished early with the camera, catching her fixing something on her teeth. I don't know why I'm so easily amused when things go even momentarily and minutely wrong on TV.

Just showing off the ring @TaraRushton ?? #MagicOfTheCup 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/nDvAP7BfHn

— Daniel McBreen (@djmcbreen) June 29, 2017

In the social club there was an unofficial and not very strictly enforced social media embargo placed upon attendees, as the stream was of course on slight but noticeable delay compared to the television feed - you know, to keep the suspense within the social club space itself at a maximum. To be fair, it kinda worked. As numbers were plucked out of the bowl, there seemed to be the inevitable feeling that we'd draw Victory or Palm Beach Sharks Gold Coast City or one of the Victorian teams - though no one seemed to understand that the numbers had no intrinsic value in themselves, and that they were merely representative symbols - having no. 29 picked out is no different to having 156 picked - because no ball had an inherent numerical value,

Then Hume were drawn at home to Bentleigh, and everyone had a big laugh, though on reflection I'm not sure it was actually that funny. I suppose once we get bundled out at the first go again, we can take solace that one of those two will be joining us. And then out came whatever the number was for Edgeworth Eagles, pleasing some people up to a point, but otherwise seemingly leaving no faction happy. Those positively gagging for an A-League tie were left particularly disappointed. I suppose for some it's a missed chance to promote Lakeside as an A-League venue - I mean, in the event that we're still actively striving for that. For others, not going on an away trip was the bigger issue, and I can sympathise - although unlike those hoping for a tropical or exotic escapade - like - Darwin - I was hoping for Hobart or Canberra.

As for possible non-A League home games, Edgeworth aren't exactly anyone's first choice - I think some people would've preferred an old NSL rival. While I'm sure they'll bring down however many numbers that they can, Edgeworth aren't exactly a draw card team. Neither are they an obvious easy beat - after all, they did knock out Bentleigh last year in the national NPL playoffs. In a sense, given the unlikelihood of a big crowd turning up - prove me wrong, bandwagon brigade! - there's not much to gain here for South except progression to the next round. Which, when I think about it, is actually kind of quaint - the event is taking place almost for its own sake. Maybe I've finally found the way I can get on board this farce of a tournament.

Others might be able to make do with spurious nostalgia.

South Melbourne vs. Edgeworth has the potential for Daniel McBreen to play South 17 years after first doing so in the NSL in December 2000.

— Shane Henry (@Hirald0) June 29, 2017

But those people who wanted something where we'd clean up thanks to a big pay day - especially one particular mover and shaker who insisted the draw had been rigged beforehand to put us up against Victory - have been left disappointed. To which I say, suffer in your jocks chin up kiddo, maybe next time. Be like me and remember that of course there's also the usual fact that we have so much to lose - a disappointing crowd and/or a another loss would add to that multi--faceted on the back.

Congratulations to...
South Melbourne WNPL goalscoring machine Melina Ayres, who has been selected for the Young Matildas squad to play a series of preparation matches against Canada and the USA in Canberra, in preparation for the  AFC U19 Women’s Championships. Of course, Ayres having been picked for the Young Matildas before this selection and before she came to South, so it's not like we can take all the credit, but it's a nice thing nevertheless. Someone else is going to have step into the goal scoring breach in her place though, which will be tough as our lead at the top of WNPL ladder is back doiwn to one point after a 3-3 draw away to Geelong in Torquay.

Around the grounds
Yes, we also sell socks at our pro-shop on match days. 
Yes I ended up at a freezing and half blackout affected Somers Street on Friday night for Knights vs Avondale. Watching Knights lose has gotten a bit dull, so I was here to see Avondale as much as anything. Good old Avondale, the team going 1.2222222222222222 goals a game and yet not far off top spot with a couple of games in hand. They led this game early thanks to a penalty, but for those hoping for a Knights collapse, it didn't come. The home side pulled a goal back before the break, and while the game justly ended in a draw, the Knights were the unluckier of the two sides not to pick up all three points. Those who had written Knights off entirely for this season have probably jumped the gun a bit, and one expects a tough encounter for South in two weeks time.

Overclocked
Saturday afternoon was probably the last Paisley Park derby for some time. Altona East were coming off a rare win the week before, but still in second last and in the firing line for relegation to State League 2. Altona Magic have streaked this league, as everyone has expected them to, and promotion to NPL 2 is only a matter of time. It's not unreasonable however to suggest that Magic have overdone the spend this season in pursuit of that aim. Players the calibre of Amadu Koroma, Marinos Gasparis, Joey Franjic, Jason Hayne, and James McGarry make it so much easier. These are all players who should be either in NPL or at worst playing for clubs pushing for promotion in NPL 2. East set up defensively as you'd expect, did well to limit Magic to not much for 44 minutes, then copped a long range effort which hit the crossbar twice and which may or may not have gone in. The out of position linesman gave his assent, and East were stuffed from then on. Two more goals to Magic saw them win this in a saunter. It was actually pretty dull.

Final thought
Credit to the People's Champ for showing some maturity in getting Jesse Daley away from the referee and the Gully players after Daley was booked for diving. Minus credit for the cheap shot the People's Champ gave to a Gully opponent in midfield when he thought the referee wasn't looking.

Broken down and rebuilt from scratch - South Melbourne 5 Dandenong City 4

We have options
For a well balanced review of last night's game, read the Corner Flag's story on the match.

For a professional report, see David Davutovic's Herald Sun piece.

The short version

...you will be broken down to the level of infants, then rebuilt as functional members of society, then broken down again, then lunch, then, if there's time, rebuilt once more.

Prelude to mediocrity
Two weeks ago
I decided belatedly to get a flu shot. I hadn't had one for a couple of years, but decided to do it this year because I'm in the final stretch of my thesis work, and besides which, I watch a lot of soccer during the winter and didn't want to be laid up at home unnecessarily. Apparently it takes two weeks to work, so it was a good thing I didn't get sick during that time.

One week ago
Someone used a pair of scissors to break into my car, but found nothing of value to take except for a box of tissues and a pair of my dad's reading glasses. I'm not sure what they were expecting to find in a 1989 Toyota Camry with two of its rims missing. I haven't even bothered checking to see if they took my Achtung Baby cassette; it's not like the cassette player in the car works anyway.

Saturday
I experienced the brief visceral thrill of watching Collingwood beat Hawthorn on television, before rationalising that it was a Hawthorn side missing five of its best, while at the early stages of re-build, and how did we get seven goals down anyway? I then watched Spinal Tap on SBS2, not really thinking that I'd be rationalising anything like that Pies' win on Wednesday, not even really thinking about Wednesday at all.

Sunday
Get to Lakeside, and have a blast watching a game that no one really cares about. Get home, have dinner, write a slapdash and uninspired match report for a game that no one cared about.

Monday
Trying to get some work done. Started to feel that nervousness kick in. Hating every second of it. But so far it's been bearable. As usual, Twitter provides a useful distraction. Late in the afternoon I get a message from a mate about a conversation he's overheard on the tram (see right). I don't know what to make of it, because on the one hand, it's completely unimportant - I mean, it's only South Melbourne after all. And there's also the paranoid matter of it possibly being part of a disinformation plan.

If you're talking about @smfc transfers out loud on your phone while on a tram somewhere in our great city, don't assume no one's listening.

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) May 22, 2017

Just because the man with the hat and glasses isn't in sight, it doesn't mean one of my many agents isn't. Show a bit of discretion, please!

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) May 22, 2017

Of course the Fahid Ben Khalfallah (whoever he is) stuff has been doing the rounds on Melbourne soccer focused internet forums for a couple of weeks at least, lest a certain Sydney based radio programme tries to convince you of its having snared some kind of 'scoop'. Later on I find myself thinking about the cup fixture as I'm trying to get to sleep. At least the distraction of an inflamed eye (again) diverts my attention to something else.

Tuesday
Realised I'd lost my USB drive at uni, again. But fortunately found it where I'd left it the day before.

"Bobo, I know I say this every century, but I'll never leave you behind again". pic.twitter.com/XTaKmm1o3W

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) May 23, 2017

Wednesday
Juniper Hill earned a hard fought 1-0 win on the road in the fourth round of the Oceanian Cup. I skimmed through the relevant parts of Sheilas, Wogs and Poofters and Ange Postecoglou's book for my thesis. And then it was finally time to go to Lakeside.

Nick Epifano shoots and scores with his left for the opening goal.
Photo: Jason Heidrich.

Frivolity leads to near-despair
Having a drink and a feed in the social club while watching a futsal match, the mood was light and festive. I even made lighthearted quip toward Milos Lujic as he was walking in about his choice of hat. I honestly did not feel as nervous about this game as I normally would have. Even when we got outside and Clarendon Corner inexplicably split into Upper and Lower factions, the fact that there was a Rod Stewart lookalike wandering around our bay just reinforced the nonchalance I was feeling. That, and Nick Epifano opened the scoring within two minutes, with a left foot shot of all things. Even when we conceded the equalising goal soon afterwards, I didn't feel particularly bad. Annoyed, but not bad. In any event, the team spent the next twenty minutes carving up the visitors, so surely another goal for us was coming soon, right?

When Milos Lujic was pushed in the back in the box, I thought surely that would be the chance to retake the lead, but the ref didn't call it, and City went up the other end and scored. And that's when things started to look really rubbish. We'd had City where we wanted them, off-balance and chasing shadows - especially Stefan Zinni's - and now we were behind and forced to play the game on their terms. We lost our nerve, and started bombing the ball long to Milos, and every one of those balls was cleared away easily by the City defense. Worse, we weren't really putting any pressure on City's players on the ball, so they were able to play as they wanted to.

In the last five minutes of the half it looked like we were getting our mojo back just a bit, so it was a surprise to see Zinni benched and replaced with Leigh Minopoulos. Is Zinni not match fit? Was the plan to only play him for an hour or so and hope we'd have wreaked enough havoc that we could sub him off safely? Whatever the initial plan was, I give credit to Chris Taylor for going for the early sub instead of waiting, even if it's not the sub I would've made myself. The move and whatever was in the halftime talk seemed to work, as we came out in much the same way we had in the first 25 minutes of the game.

[I am reminded here of something I'd read in Postecoglou's book earlier that day, about a coach having really very little opportunity to make an impact during the course of a game, and realistically only four or so minutes in ideal circumstances during the halftime break - it's probably a bit different in a fully professional environment compared to one merely aspiring to reach that level. The overall point here though is that the coach, while not being absolved of match day results and decision making consequences, must do most of their work during the training sessions, and not just on fitness - they must prepare the team to be able to handle itself on the field without the coach's constant interference.]

But the elephant in the room - the makeshift defense - came back to bite us on the arse repeatedly. Letting former South Melbourne Hellas defender and golden boot (2012 season) Shaun Kelly score once was bad enough, but twice? The marking for both goals looked abysmal. How he was able to get so free for that header beggars belief. So 4-1 down, and now I'm slumped in my chair. Worse is to come, because we revert to that nonsense long ball crap, which Ljubo Milicevic deals with easily. As eccentric as he is, he's a fine player, and among his greatest assets is his ability to read the play - not much of a challenge the way we were going about it though.

We had begun the season with four senior and experienced centre backs, and somehow started this game with just one. So while the coaching staff don't escape any of the blame for what happened last night, I would like to berate two people in particular before anyone else. Those people are Kristian Konstantinidis and Luke Adam. Konstantinidis for his finger business suspension; Adams for going on holiday during the season. Oh, and a special brickbat to whoever couldn't manage to keep Carl Piergianni around for one more week knowing that we would be short staffed in this area.

[I am reminded here of a game away against the then all conquering Dandenong Thunder in 2012, where we squeezed out a meritorious draw despite being similarly short-handed, in part because we'd managed to get Filip Jonsson to stick around long enough to play one more game.]

The lack of centre-backs meant that we ended up using Tim Mala at centre-back and Luke Pavlou at right back, throwing our whole backline and system out of whack. It was scenes straight out of Gully from earlier this year. You can't blame a player for under-performing in a position they are clearly not used to or suited to playing in. At some point someone decided that Matthew Foschini at centre-back and Pavlou in the defensive midfield role wasn't the way to go, We got punished for this repeatedly. Every time City went up the field they looked dangerous. They didn't even do it that often, because we had most of the ball, but their efficiency in front of goal showed not only how makeshift our defense was, but also the quality of the chances City created. But that didn't mean that their defense had magically improved. We'd just reverted to being dumb and playing dumb. You might call it a lack of composure, you might call it a lack of leadership; you might call it both, and you wouldn't be wrong on either count.

[Discussing this issue with one of the coaching staff after the game, he felt it could be one of those things which changes the side as we've known it during the Chris Taylor era. Having managed to dig really deep and find that intangible something in order to overcome the frankly ridiculous odds, one wonder what the long term consequences may be. That's not to say that the team hasn't been resilient, that it hasn't won things, that it hasn't come from behind in big games - but has it overturned a game in this fashion? This game wasn't about Taylor's rhetoric and conditioning of a team to win mere 'moments' - this game and its comeback were about overcoming our own implied/inferred mental fragility and the spectre of repeated failures in similar occasions of elevated importance.]

So to get back on track. I enjoyed the first two minutes of this match. The other 90 odd minutes, increasingly not at all. That's a strictly personal take, and I do not in any way wish to lessen the excitement and joy felt by our long suffering and loyal supporters which materialised during the comeback; nor do I want to diminish the achievement of the players in somehow finding their way back. But last night, this team broke me.

I only have two sporting loves. The Collingwood Football Club and South Melbourne Hellas. Both have caused me an immeasurable amount of mostly manageable grief, but when in attendance at a game of either of these two I have only voluntarily walked away twice that I can recall. Both times were at Collingwood matches, once in the old Ponsford against Geelong in the early 2000s, and once in the new Ponsford in the mid-2000s against Fremantle. I can't recall what exact minute or what particular sequence of play triggered my walking out of the stands last night - maybe it was the general trajectory of play and the team's attitude - but I'd had enough. I couldn't take anymore, and so I walked into the social club to sit quietly waiting for the inevitable to play out.

I loathe the FFA Cup. I hate how it skews things so much in our league that league performances - the bread and butter of any soccer club - become secondary in importance. I hate the perverse financial and promotional rewards. I hate the gimmickry, and the patronising commentary. I hate the crap-shoot. I hate how this peripheral tournament has taken centre-stage, and set in course a new player wage arms race. That doesn't mean I don't understand the FFA Cup's appeal, its novelty, its charm, its so-called romance. But all those things belong to dare I say it, smaller clubs than ours. Not less worthwhile clubs, but smaller certainly in history and ambition, and indisputably smaller in ego.

For almost no other club in Australia is a knockout tournament hinging on the luck of the draw more than just about a fleeting moment in the limelight, and a happy payday if they're so fortunate. It's not even about making a passing political point for us. The way we think of ourselves, distorted and anachronistic as it may be, forces us to treat this thing as being incredibly serious. This seriousness lends a bizarre and unearned sense of legitimacy upon the worth of the FFA Cup. We judge our success and more often our failures now based on this, These are failures which have, and successes which could have, or so we like to believe, serious long term consequences. This is even in the likely event that those consequences are unquantifiable and what's more, indistinguishable form everything else that we have to contend with in our hopes to get back into the top flight.

On top of our own complicity in setting up this paradigm, everyone outside of us who hopes we do well - or just as likely, hopes we fail - also places a ridiculous amount of conceptual leverage. We could win ten Victorian titles in a row, and none would warrant as much merit for South as reaching the FFA Cup semi-finals, or so the thinking goes. What an atrocious situation to find yourself in every year; not just for us supporters who are locked into this for seemingly years to come, but also for the players and coaches who have an elevated sense of pressure on top of whatever other expectations they have to deal with. Is it any wonder then that I lost the plot yesterday? I thought I could see what was coming, having seen it so many times before.

At 4-1 down, and while I was still in the grandstand, we had some nut in the back of the stand start abusing Chris Taylor, and folk from Clarendon Corner abusing that bloke back. The scene was overwhelmingly familiar - a disastrous performance on a stage set up for us and by us, followed by eating our own, and then onto a Sunday league game in front of 30 people. Then of course there would be the pile on of the haters, the fence-sitters. Left in that wake would've been the people who turn up every week, both in the stands and behind the scenes, who cling on to misguided and repeatedly dashed hopes that this club might somehow dig its way out of this unceasing and only partly deserved purgatory.

The first goal in what came to be the comeback came from a clumsy penalty, which on other days may not have been given. It was certainly not as obvious a call as the push which Milos received in the first half and which should have been given as a penalty, and from which City scored from immediately after. Enes Sivic wasn't in any way malicious, but the way he threw his body at Milos Lujic just looked incredibly stupid. It got Sivic a second yellow, and eventually for Milos Lujic a hundredth goal in South colours, a milestone completely overshadowed by the massive hole we still had to dig ourselves out of. Not that I thought we had it in us, as I remained in the social club feeling miserable alongside various staff members.

Even when we got it back to 4-3, I still didn't think we'd get it back to 4-4. Watching the replay afterwards, my attention is caught by Leigh Minopoulos. Yes the pass from the People's Champ is the right one, as is the run into the box by Leigh, but there's a moment where Leigh does a quick head check just before he collects the ball. It's probably just a reflex, but that moment is so crucial to what happens next, because instead of going for the direct, low percentage but perhaps even necessary shot at goal, he cuts the ball across the six yard box and not only is it perfectly placed, but someone is actually there to drive it home.

The goal for 4-4, I heard it before I saw it. As I've noted before, even though there is a stream of the game being played in the social club, it's on a few seconds delay. The social club's proximity to the arena means that should anything of note happen - especially a goal - you'll hear the cheer well before you see it on screen. What strikes me only now after watching the goal several times, is that for probably the first time in a year - the last time being Kristian Konstantinidis' goal against Bentleigh at home - that we actually had someone waiting at the right spot at the edge of the box. Let's not make it to be something greater than it was - it was an absolutely horrible shot - but at least Daley was in the right place to take it.

There was some discussion about whether Jesse Daley's goal was helped by Michael Eagar obstructing Dandenong City goalkeeper Damir Salcin from an offside position, and possibly even Eagar getting a touch (so far I've only seen Daley as being credited with the goal in official channels. Eagar however was kept onside by one, and possibly two opponents. (After publishing this piece it occurs to me that Milos Lujic is more guilty of obstruction than Michael Eagar, but that shouldn't matter if Milos is also onside, and I think he is, though the footage from stream's broadcast side doesn't make that clear.)

Image credit: Paul Zaro/SMFC TV.

Being off in mental no-man's land, I didn't give Daley the credit for being one of the catalysts of the comeback, but others have noted that after he came on he seemed to bring a bit of poise and composure to the team. I'll take their word for it.

So at 4-4, despite feeling like a ton of crap even though we'd almost got ourselves out of this mess, I went outside again but could not enjoy what was happening. There I was watching one of the most ridiculous comebacks you will ever see, and all I could do was pace up and down the concourse, where much of the grandstand had decamped to, Upper and Lower Clarendon Corner Egypt having combined again in their excitement. I was even told, probably rightly even though I have no truck with any kind of superstition, that I should go back inside the social club so as to make sure of things for us.

If nothing else, coming back outside and pacing up and down the concourse like a maniac saw me end up pretty much right in line with the final, incredible, incredulous moment of the game. In the sequence which would lead to the winning goal, it was certainly unfortunate for Dandy, but for mine that was a handball any day of the week. That's not partisan feeling talking - after all, I was almost guaranteed to be in a foul mood regardless of the result - that was gut instinct. And if I am wrong on many things to do with the game, one thing in which I usually find myself in total agreement with the referees and their decisions is that when it comes to handballs, we're almost always of like mind. You can talk all day and all night if you like about accidental handballs, and ball-to-hand instead hand-to-ball. But gut instinct told me handball, and that's what the ref gave.

Lujic stepped up and scored. A hat-trick on the night, and goals 100, 101, and 102 in his South career in all competitions. Despite everything that had happened that night, and even at 4-4, I couldn't see City getting past us in extra-time had Lujic missed his second penalty. We would have overrun them. As it was, the final score was a stupid 5-4, the method madder than the end product. I am still stunned and upset by the whole experience, probably unconsciously why I have so much of my self-esteem attached to this club in particular, and being amazed that I even had a breaking point. The South fans had gone absolutely mental, and I've got Joe Gorman yelling at me as I stand there in a daze.

Whatever misgivings and unease I had and possibly still have, I felt good for most of our supporters. I felt good for the people working at the club above and beyond the call of duty, as they have done for many years, trying to put in place everything so that the club can leverage opportunities like this, opportunities which we have inevitably blown. I felt great for our supporters, who have to put up with a lot of crap. And I felt good that for the first time in seven years that we could celebrate a win like this in our own social club. I even managed to join in with the general joy, admittedly after I'd consumed a neat gin to restore some sense of existential equilibrium.

I would also like to relate a conversation I had with a now former contributor of South of the Border. This contributor and I have often had very different views on any matter of social issues. In more recent times, our views on matters at the club and those running it have also gone in wildly different directions - these things happen. But on certain matters, we do find ourselves in agreement, and informed by a sense of vanity I like to think it's because we watch a lot more football at this level than most people at South. I probably watch too much.

The point here is that there were people at South who apparently were happier to play Dandy City over Northcote. Now, no offense to Northcote, who have beaten Dandy City this season, but I would have rather played the mob from John Cain Memorial Park any day of the week. Northcote are a team based on heart - they will grind out results, but they have no outright star quality. They are team fortunate enough this season to be in the weaker side of the NPL 2 divide, and they are team based around winning promotion in a competition that is a marathon, not a sprint.

Thanks to Dion for passing along these screenshots of this text
message conversation his dad was having with an absent fan.

Dandy City, in the stronger NPL 2 East, are also gunning for promotion, but the kinds of players they've recruited and the gradual build from a slow start also seems to indicate that they were taking very seriously an FFA Cup push. Apart from knocking out the Knights and Bulleen, the quality they had on the park last night should have been enough to dissuade even the most foolish of our people to think that this was a safe or easy draw. Certainly it was better than many of the other options, but it was not the best of all possible outcomes. After all that, it was impossible for me not to feel a little bit sorry for Dandenong City's players, but what good would mine or anyone else' sympathy do? As for our people, I let Leo Athanasakis and assistant coach Chris Marshall know that if our players ever tried a stunt like that again, they'd have to answer to me. A stupid, nonsense threat if ever there was one.

On the way home, the tram was on time, and the connection to the train was good. What else could any reasonable person want?

Next game
Now that the circus has left town, it's back to plain old unimportant league action against Port Melbourne at home on Sunday.

Comings and goings
Gavin De Niese has left the club, joining NPL 2 East side Springvale White Eagles.

Dockerty Cup news
Concurrent with our victory last night taking us to the national stage of the FFA Cup, that win has also seen us move into the Dockerty Cup semi-finals, where we have been drawn against Bentleigh Greens. The game will be played at a neutral venue. The game will be played on one of Tuesday 6th, Wednesday 7th, or Thursday 8th June.

Final thought

A-League or NPL, it does not matter to us;
The only thing that really matters, is FFA Cup South Melbourne Hellas.

See everyone on Sunday.