Canteen serving etiquette - Kiss of Death, round 4, 2015

Friday 6th March @ 8:30PM, Pascoe Vale vs Northcote City, CB Smith Reserve
Probably the hardest game to pick. Both teams are yet to collect any points and are down the bottom. The Knights beat Northcote 2-0 and Pascoe Vale were unlucky against Port. Northcote need to win to get off the bottom, but Pascoe Vale has probably been the better team out of the two. I am yet to receive any signals from the Gods on this one, and no planets are aligning this week. This is purely a guess. Pascoe Vale 2 – Northcote City 1.

Saturday 7th March @ 3:00PM, Avondale FC vs Port Melbourne. Avondale Heights Reserve
Another difficult one. Although Port is up there sitting second, they haven’t really impressed. Avondale on the other hand have performed well but haven’t had the killer instinct. Port is due to start crumbling soon, and Avondale must win in order to have any chance of staying up. I reckon Port has this one by an arse hair. Will be close. Avondale FC 1 – Port Melbourne 2.

Saturday 7th March @ 5:00PM, North Geelong vs Melbourne Knights, Elcho Park
The sister club derby. North Geelong played well against South, for the first 20 minutes anyway, and that was it. The Knights were convincing over Northcote and now sit top of the table. Probably the best result for the Warriors at this time of the season would be a draw. But unfortunately their sister club will be too good for them. In all honesty, if a second gear South can beat them 0-3, then an i nform Knights theoretically can hammer them. But that wont happen. It will be a respectable loss.
North Geelong Warriors 1 – Melbourne Knights 3.

Saturday 7th March @ 7:00PM, Dandenong Thunder vs Green Gully, George Andrews Reserve
Dandy had a 1-2 loss against a ten man Bentleigh, after the storm that swept through Melbourne last week turned off the lights with five minutes to go. As over 80% of the match was already played, the result stands. Ten man Green Gully had an excellent win over Oakleigh and that has them in third position. This is also a difficult one to call. If it wasn’t Andy Vargas who got sent off, then I’d pick Gully [it was Roddy; Andy's retired. Ed.]. But we all know that Vargas is a key player. Dandy would be fuming after last week, and I think they will the collect three points. Dandy Thunder 2 – Green Gully 0.

Sunday 8th March @ 3:00PM, Werribee City vs South Melbourne, Galvin Park
The match of the round again! South got the result at North Geelong, and Werribee made it very hard for Heidelberg, squeezing them all over that small fucken park. Why do you arseholes play all the teams on that smaller ground eh? Play everyone on the main pitch, not that crappy one. The FFV needs to step in here and make sure pissy little clubs like Werribee nominate one pitch and use it for the whole season, just like every other club0! The sooner you clowns get relegated, the better! South is going to come to your ground and once again, give you a football lesson. South is getting better by the week, and to be honest this fixturing suits us. We should be hitting form by about now, and I'm sure CT has them all worked up, like rabid greyhounds waiting to jump onto that bunny! We are South Melbourne, Team of the Century, we don’t lose to teams like fucken Werribee! Werribee City 0 – South Melbourne 5.

Sunday 8th March @ 4:00PM, Heidelberg United vs Bentleigh Greens, Olympic Village
The Bergers struggled against the odds at Werribee last week with a very late winner. Bentleigh was and wasn’t comfortable at Dandenong. Both teams with a full collection of points for the moment. Another difficult one! Webster being sent off for Bentleigh will hurt them, and will also be the deal breaker in this one. Heidelberg United 2 – Bentleigh Greens 0.

Sunday 8th March @ 5:15PM, Oakleigh Cannons vs Hume City, Jack Edwards Reserve
HAHA Oakleigh. COOOOOO-EEEEEEEEE! The Galacticos aren’t doing well at all. Really struggling so far. Hume is one & one. Hume is yet to convince anybody of their recruitment drive, while Oakleigh is still hoping to one day stick a trophy in that dusty cabinet. Will probably be the scrappiest game of the round. I wouldn’t bother even going. Oakleigh Cannons 2 – Hume City 0.

Twitter Chatter
I was added to some twitter garbage this week in relation to how drinks can be sold at grounds. Cans, bottles, plastic cups etc, etc. A very interesting conversation. I was sent an email about four years ago from a fan of the blog in relation to this. Read the two emails below, first up the initial email.

From: xxxxxxxxSent: 03,2011To: FFVSubject: Bar sales 

Hello. 

I can't find for the life of me in the Rules of Competition or the GDT By-Laws, the rules relating to the sale of drinks from the bar. 

Specifically how must they be sold? Bottles, Cans, Plastic Cups? 

Can someone please point me in the correct direction.

This was the FFV's response.

From: xxxxxx@footballfedvic.com.au
Date: 03,2011
Subject: RE: Bar sales
To: xxxxxxxx 

Hi xxxxxxx, 

At the moment there are no specific FFV rules regarding how to serve alcohol. We are in the process of working on a serving of alcohol policy but in the meantime we would highly recommend serving in plastic cups. 

I hope this helps. 

Regards xxxxx

A few points about this reply. No one has ever seen a ‘serving of alcohol’ policy, and what the FFV recommends is pretty much garbage.

What gets under my bonnet is when the smartarse behind the counter cracks open your can of drink. It’s like, hey wog, wtf are you doing eh? Your fingers are all greasy from that shit you're cooking and now I have to put my lips on that can. This whole opening the can does my balls. I don’t see the point of it to be honest. Because like, yeah, an opened can cannot travel as far as a sealed can when thrown. Yeah great theory, dickheads!

Then you go to other grounds and the bitch behind the counter is a fucken smartarse who cracks open your Gatorade and keeps the lid. When you question why, she throws the ‘that’s the FFV rules’, Well like fuck it is you fucking goose! I refuse to have any of my drinks poured into plastic. As soon as they get that plastic cup and start pouring, I just don’t pay. Frankly I couldn’t give a flying fuck, but out of principle I want to have it how it's packaged.

Not because some power tripping bitch working on cash money tries to dictate to me what’s right and what’s wrong. Beer OK. I can understand glass bottles being put in plastic, but I won’t accept a can. Then you have other places where the person serving you has no gloves, is handling money and food with the same hand, then they wonder why people get fucken sick! There are a handful of grounds where I outright refuse to eat from. The health certificates from the local councils are pretty much just there for show, with some dating back to 1998 if you look closely. At least I can say that my arsehole goes home intact and I don’t have to worry about a shitter on the way home.

Club Gripe
Where is my sticker from my membership pack!