Kiss of Death, round 5, 2015

Friday 20th March, 8:15PM, Bentleigh Greens vs South Melbourne. Kingston Heath Soccer Complex

South to regain their rightful place on top of the table. Everyone praises Bentleigh. Bentleigh this, Benteigh that. They had a run last year in the FFA Cup, but never played anyone of note until the end. Yeah, that’s right kolofardoi, you played NO ONE. But you will be playing someone better than all those teams put together. SMFC Team of the Century. SMFC doesn’t lose to shit teams like Bentleigh. No Kristian Konstandinidis, he’s out for the season. Tim ‘shame on you’ Mala should be back after last week's break. Bentleigh to as usual, make out they’re a powerhouse. Fools! Bentleigh Greens 0 – South Melbourne 2.

Friday 20th March, 8:30PM, Melbourne Knights vs Dandenong Thunder, Knights Stadium

The Knights are on a roll, and I'm not talking cevapi roll either. Unbeaten in all competitions so far, this is their best start in a while. Dandenong was knocked out last weekend in the FFA Cup, and will be looking to bounce back and get something from the Knights. They won’t be able to. The Knights will be too good. Barisic on fire, there’s nothing stopping them now (until they play South). Melbourne Knights 3 – Dandenong Thunder 0.

Friday 20th March, 8:30PM, Pascoe Vale vs Oakleigh Cannons, CB Smith Reserve

Pascoe Vale vs the 0-12 vs Corio Oakeigh Cannons. What a machine of a team. What a world beater. The Galacticos. Six points away from the finals series, and ten points away from the championship, they can already write off the season. They score 12 against Corio in FFA Cup, but in two NPL games they have zero points. Emergency situation down at the Cannons now. They have been called, ‘Le Bleu’, ‘Chelsea’ and 'Galacticos' by those ignorant fools in the Greek media. The constant daisy chaining, gloryholeing, and overall bukkakeing of this team by some people is a disgrace. They have won zero. Pascoe Vale is also sitting down the bottom, last actually, but I'm leaning towards them, because so far, they have scored more goals than Oakleigh, and that’s a good thing, isn’t it?  

Pascoe Vale 1 – Oakleigh Cannons 0.

Saturday 21st March, 3:00PM Avondale FC vs Heidelberg United, Doyle Street Reserve

This one should be an exciting match. Bergers are doing well, and shouldn’t have an issue discarding of Avondale. Avondale FC 0 – Heidelberg United 2.

Saturday 21st March, 5:00PM, Northcote City vs Port Melbourne Sharks, John Cain Memorial Park

Ahhhh, Northcote, Northcote, Northcote. Struggling big time boys, eh? What’s the problem this year? Is it the coach? Is it the committee? Is it the lack of funds? Are you in a rebuilding phase Ummm, what other excuses can we come up with, eh? Leave us alone. The consensus in the Greek footballing community is that Northcote has had its day and are now on the decline. The glory days of a few years ago are over. Start thinking of, I dunno, anything but football. How about becoming a backgammon club or something? Port Melbourne, wow. This derby is of two teams which I absolutely do not have time for. The crowd will be in the vicinity of about 67 people. These two teams have nothing to do with the history of themselves prior to 2004. Northcote City 1 – Port Melbourne 2.

Saturday 21st March, 6:00PM, Hume City vs North Geelong Warriors, Broadmeadows Valley Park

Tasty match this one. North Geelong is causing surprises and have probably the hardest start to the season for any newly promoted team. They aren’t too bad as I predicted in my round 1 review. Hume is doing pretty poorly considering their signings. Hume City 1 – North Geelong Warriors 3.

Monday 23rd March, 8:30PM, Green Gully vs Werribee City, Green Gully Reserve

Green Gully will be too experienced for Werribee. Now some of you smartarses will say, they were also too experienced for North Geelong, but they copped six. Yeah, that’s true, but North Geelong is a quality outfit with a bright future. Werribee is not. Green Gully 3 – Werribee City 0.