South of the Border awards 2019

No one deserved anything for this season, yet here we are.

Player of the year: Jake Marshall. Had to give it to someone, and since barely anyone either played all or most games, or even played consistently well in most games, I'm giving it to the bloke who improved the most from last season.

Under 21 player of the year: The Cliff Hussey Memorial Trophy goes to Ben Djiba. An actual South youth player who won himself a starting position and didn't look out of place in doing so.

Goal of the year: Luke Adams' chest control and volley against Port all the way back in round 3. There were some flukey goals, a couple of nice goals by Gerrie Sylaidos, even some nice team goals, but since we barely had a striker all season, Adams' finish was the closest we'd get. And it was a nice goal.

Best performance: Heidelberg away. We looked like the real deal for half an hour.

Best away game: Also Heidelberg away. Much comedy ensued.

Call of the year: Hume goalkeeper Michael Weier's genuine concern for our emotional welfare when he noticed that we weren't abusing him.

Chant of the year: the cantor at Heidelberg away during the bride and groom's photo. Sorry to everyone else who tried to come up with chants to the tune of 'Guantanamera' or 'Go West', or whatever that very bad Josh Dorron chant out at Dandenong was.

Best pre-match/after match dinner location: Afghan Star in Sunshine.

Friends we lost along the way: A South umbrella I lost at a Catholic community hall.

Barely related to anything stupidity highlight of the year: The People's Champ actually getting the sack from a club. Who knew it could be that easy?

South of the Border awards 2018

As usual, I put in zero effort with these.

Player of the year: Leigh Minopoulos. I was going to give it to Oliver Minatel for his novelty goals and shift into defensive midfield which yielded temporary positive results. Then I was going to give it to Marcus Schroen for being a sort of mid-season boom recruit. But I give the award this year to the guy who showed the biggest heart throughout the whole of the season.

Under 21 player of the year: The Cliff Hussey Memorial Trophy goes to Ben Djiba. It's a shallow pool, again. Though there were numerous young players dropped into the side during the year, and most of them showed something, there were few if any who were given extended time invthe seniro side. But among those who were used, none was thrown into the deep end quite like Ben Djiba, and I give him credit for this - he coughed up the goal in the first ten minutes against Port, but he was nowhere near our worst player on that day, and went on to settle and look like maybe belonged on that field.

Goal of the year: Four way tie between the three goals Kingston scored against Gully in round 26, or Pascoe Vale's equaliser against Hume in the same round.

Best performance: Dandenong Thunder away. Downshill skiing? Maybe, but it was 9-0 and utter domination from start to finish.

Best away game of the year: Bentleigh away. Positive attitude, positive result.

Call of the year: "We should let Sasa coach the first half of games, and CT the second". It almost seems quaint now, but it showed that the team wasn't completely trash.

Chant of the year: I really shouldn't pick any of the perennials for this, but "sack the board" became the standout. Apologies to "Sideshow Bob / Kill Bart", and "call it off!".

Best pre-match/after match dinner location: Even though the MSG lobby says there's no scientific evidence that their product causes the headaches that MSG is rumoured to do, I got a massive headache the day after eating at some Laotian joint whose meal was otherwise very good. So the prize goes to some Afghan chicken place in Dandenong.

Friends we lost along the way: A South Melbourne umbrella. Table service in the social club. Dignity.

Barely related to anything stupidity highlight of the year: South supporters reputedly betting successfully against their own team, exploiting outrageously mistaken odds in order to help fund their own world cup trips.

More to do - Green Gully 2 South Melbourne 3

Oliver Minatel's scored a few novelty goals this year; now he's taking novelty corners.

I only visit Green Gully Reserve once a season if I can at all help it, and thus I always have to remember that McIntyre Road becomes Sunshine Avenue at some point, and that I need to keep going straight instead of looking for some irrelevant turnoff. Anyway, I'd love to know the reasoning of whoever it was at Gully who thought it was a good idea to host games on Friday nights. At other clubs, I can understand - they want to have a separate day for seniors and juniors, and they may want to attract a younger adult demographic with the promise of being able to drink.

But Gully has never been a club with a history of great attendances, and on a cold night which threatened rain, this was one of the lower crowds between these two sides at this ground that I can remember. Still, perhaps they got their wish for at least one person to spend more money at the ground, with a couple of South fans venturing into the Gully social club/pokie barn to have some dinner. Didn't know it could take that long to make a pizza, but you learn something new everyday.

Back outside in the real world, the under 20s were finishing up a 1-0 win, and then it was the seniors' turn. Things did not get off to a good start, as Gully waltzed through our right-hand side to open the scoring. Issues with our right were going to be a recurring theme across the first half. I can barely remember Gully getting any penetration down our left during the opening 45. All told, they should've scored one or two more goals, but they didn't, so more good fortune to us.

Even more good fortune for us was Gully apparently having no idea about Marcus Schroen's complete lack of a right foot, because they kept letting him get onto his left for shots and crosses. Eventually that came back to bite them, as Schroen equalised with a ripping left foot strike across goal, after Gully coughed up the ball cheaply in their own half - itself a recurring theme. Their situational awareness was often atrocious; otherwise capable players I assume under instruction to take risks even in areas where the rewards for successfully pulling them off were negligible.

But hey, if other teams want to self-immolate against us, that's fine with me. Besides, we've been far too generous to other teams this year. Playing into the breeze in the second half seemed to work better for us, our crosses and through balls holding up inside the field of play rather than floating out or to close to the Gully goalkeeper. Leigh Minopoulos' cross to Milos Lujic - who was starting in place of Pep Marafioti - was excellent, the only thing better about it being how Lujic got down low to guide it into the net.

Cue the fence run down the hill - oh, did you know Gully got rid of the nonsense mesh behind the goals ends, and that they've also planted trees which in 20-30 years time will provide a sort of actual windbreak, maybe, and they also got a new kickarse scoreboard - and then the panting middle aged huff and puff climb back up the hill and out of breath chanting. We're getting too old for these kinds of antics.

Somewhere in between Milos' goal and Schroen's second, there was one of the great novelty misses by Oliver Minatel, who took a fresh air swing at the ball when a less grandiose gesture would have sufficed. Oh yes, Schroen's second goal, well he made Jason Hicks look foolish by dispossessing him in his own 18 yard box. Poor Hicks, I like him as a player, but somehow he's ended up going from being useless in a relegation scraping team (2017 Melbourne Knights) to useful in a good team (top three 2018 Bentleigh Greens) to being useless again in a relegation scraping team (2018 Green Gully).

Oh, but get this. Apparently you can give the opposition crowd the double bird - twice - ala Harry Noon, and not get a yellow card, but celebrate with your own supporters, and that's worth a yellow. See 'around the grounds' for worse behaviour. Anyway, more problematic is that Brad Norton finally collected his fifth yellow card, so that should be him out for this week's game. It had to come eventually, and it's a miracle it took this long to come, but it's something we're just going to have to deal with. Of course it'd be a little easier if there were obvious options other than putting Kristian Konstantindis at left-back, not the worst solution in the world but not great for the other problems it brings up.

And someone tells me that Iqi Jawadi is off on holiday? And Christos Intzidis has gone back to Greece to see his infant child, which was born while he's been at South and he has not seen yet? And that he may have contract offers in Greece?

But back to this game, because it's not like 3-1 is a safe score for us this season, and that's not even remembering that last year with a 'good team' we were 3-0 and 4-2 up and still cocked it up. No surprise that Gully pulled it back to 3-2, they're not that bad and we're still not very good even if we have improved from our worst efforts. The coach brought on Manny Aguek and Will Orford for fresh legs, and credit to the lads, they did more than just chase and harass. I'll say it again, not sure why more trust couldn't have been put into lads like these earlier in the season when we had nothing on the bench and cripples on the field. If Aguek was the standout of the two when they made their debuts, it was Orford's time to shine against Gully. He showed no fear, taking players on and putting Gully on the back foot, but he also made the right decisions almost every single time in whether to go on the attack or to hold the ball and kill time.

It was a game where we did enough to hold on, my umbrella finally carked it, and we kept our head above water for another week. Things could've been worse. They still could be.

Next game
At home against Kingston on Sunday.

Relegation/survival prognostication, yes, it's still an ongoing concern, and don't try and pretend that it's otherwise
The only positive result from this weekend's action on the survival front was ours: we won, and in doing so we also beat a fellow relegation scrapper. Who would've known that Gully's run of results would become so bad that we'd eventually overtake them and put them closer to the relegation playoff spot? But even as we're in our highest ladder position for months now, we're not really that much closer to safety.

Things looked much worse though early on Friday night though when we were 1-0 down and Kingston were up 2-0 at home to Bentleigh, which lead to me putting forard conspiracies about teams laying down to get us relegated. Eventually things righted themselves enough that Bentleigh came back to draw 4-4. It's a result that could've been worse for us had Kingston been given a pretty obvious penalty late on - even Johnny A thought it was a mistake by the ref not to give it.

Meanwhile Northcote earned a point against Port Melbourne, keeping their slim survival chances alive, but it was a result nevertheless that will make it nearly impossible for them to catch us. Only us losing every game by some margin, and Northcote winning all three of their remaining game could see them overtake us. I'm calling it now - it ain't happening.

The really nasty result was Hume convincingly beating a limp and disinterested Bergers outfit at Olympic Village, so that Hume remain just two points behind us. That means that the two point buffer we had from the playoff spot is now three, plus our superior goal difference.

A month or so ago I put forward some amateur calculations about what it would take to survive, based on a very small sample of years (2014 onwards), and being conservative about how many teams were going to be drawn into the relegation battle. I calculated back then that the highest combined points tally for the bottom was achieved in 2014, with a tally of 65 points (currently at 59 points in 2018, with three/four games to go!), a year which corresponded also with the highest playoff finisher total of 28 points. Right now it looks like anything less than 31 points is very unsafe.

At the time of putting together that loose forecast, my attention was only on Bulleen, Northcote, Hume, Kingston, and ourselves as likely to finish in the bottom three spots. Yet here we are with teams on 28 points - and one on 29 points - who are in a dangerous position. And yes, because this season is so competitive, many of those relegation threatened teams could also end up in the finals with a bit of luck and goof form.

Table excerpt sourced from socceraust.co.uk. 

So even as we've shed Bulleen to almost certain relegation, and Northcote to at best probably the playoff spot, other teams have been added into the mix. Green Gully, Dandenong Thunder, and even Melbourne Knights are now all in danger of finding themselves in the relegation playoff match.

As per last time though, we note that a lot the bottom sides are due to play each other over the coming weeks.

• Round 24: Northcote vs Bulleen, South Melbourne vs Kingston
• Round 25, Hume vs Green Gully, Thunder vs Northcote, Bulleen vs Knights
• Round 26, Green Gully vs Kingston, Knights vs Thunder

All we know is that the end of the home and away season is going to be chaotic, and that any finals dreaming needs to be put aside until we secure our NPL status for 2019.

Around the grounds
Hard rubbish collection
A rare Sunday afternoon with no competing commitments, so I decided to make my way down to Ralph Reserve for the first time this year. The walk to the ground coincided with the local council's annual hard rubbish collection. Thus the deserted streets of Sunshine West resembled the neatly ordered ruins of a post-apocalyptic society that seemed to collect, more than anything else, reasonably modern furniture that still seemed fit for use. At least we're getting to the end of hard rubbish day meaning nature strips full of cathode ray tube televisions. At the ground, I watched the reserves game a 4-4 shootout. I took my seat in the stand, next to the bloke on Dodgy Asian Betting Guy duties. Soon, too, some strange fellows took a seat near us, from what I could gather some sort of acquaintances of Iqi Jawadi and Nick Epifano. They discussed in vague terms the kinds of money players get at this and other levels of the game, and assorted nonsense. Suburbs, who were in deep relegation trouble, had the aid of the significant breeze blowing their way, and scored early on. They looked better than their lowly position, but these things never last. North Sunshine, with a slim and fading chance at a championship and possible promotion, equalised thanks to a keeper error.

I moved to the other side in the second half. Going into the breeze I didn't give Suburbs much of a chance, but they started off well and looked good for 15 minutes or so. But they got tired, had only one sub left after making two in the first half, and gradually North Sunshine's bigger enemy became the clock and not the home side. Oh, and they'd say the officials too, and I know everyone gets mad at refs sometimes, but coaches going out of their way and out of your technical area repeatedly to abuse and swear at the officials? If FFV are serious about clamping down on referee abuse, they could do worse than look at a repeat offender like North Sunshine. Anyway, first minute of injury time, the ball falls kindly to Epifano who slots it for the winner.

Final thought
Always wonderful to go a ground who play music over the PA system that's just as bad as that played at Lakeside.

Guys and Dolls - South Melbourne 3 Northcote City 1

South Melbourne Women 0 University of Melbourne 2
First up on Sunday were the South women's team against University of Melbourne. I'm not sure why this game was scheduled for a 1:00 kickoff instead of 2:00. Those few who showed up for the curtain raiser were afterwards left with an hour to kill, while others who thought the women's game started later only got a half's worth of football. Anyway, with the South women being top of the table, I was surprised to see them struggling for most of the game. Perhaps they rested a few players for this game after being knocked out of the cup in midweek by Bulleen?

Melbourne Uni squandered a good chance early on by shooting wide, then hit a penalty against the post and the resulting rebound straight at the South keeper, who worked hard to keep the score respectable. Uni dominated territory for most of the game, with South struggling to work any meaningful maneuvers until well into the second half - apart from a disallowed goal for offside while the game was still scoreless, which would have been grossly against the run of play.

Tiredness obviously played a factor in the result, but so did a lack of composure. There were enough chances when South did get the ball or made interceptions that could've turned out so much better. Still, despite the loss they remain equal first along with Uni. I hope that in future these double headers are scheduled without so much downtime between matches. It'd be OK if we had a social club to occupy our time, but waiting an hour for the men's game to start while we have a player's dreadful taste in music playing over the speakers is not the most edifying experience.

As for the men, three points, but otherwise neither here nor there
Steven Hatzikostas back in, Amadu Koroma rested, and Nikola Roganovic back in between the sticks after injuring himself during Wednesday night's warm-up. Close enough to a full squad in its usual set up so as to provide no excuses against an opponent which has shown improvement, but was still bottom of the table. Northcote, like so many teams which play against South Melbourne, showed some initiative - in the opinion of our fans, perhaps more than normally would, which satisfies our own ego, but which if true makes things harder for us - but their best efforts mostly consisted of counter attacking that fell short at the first hurdle, being unable to beat the offside trap.

One of South's ball boys shields a photographer from the elements.
Photo: Paul Mavroudis.

But what about our own efforts? Having just one striker up front means that the midfielders need to get forward for us to create opportunities that aren't based on kick and chase. And as happened against North Geelong, Matthew Millar and the People's Champ managed to get behind enemy lines enough times leading to many chances on goal. Was Milos Lujic offside for one of those opening half goals? Can one get upset at scoring a poacher's goal from a spillage, especially as we had a bout half a dozen similar chances against Pascoe Vale which we failed to take? Let's just be glad that at least in this case, there appeared to be a lesson learned about following up a shot and making the most of a keeper's mistake.

Conceding a goal from a corner was horrifying from the point of view of conceding another goal from a set piece, but also from a corner delivered in the manner that we scarcely dare try ourselves. That we restored our two goal buffer and maintained it comfortably until the end didn't necessarily create the sense of positive momentum that we're all craving, instead perhaps creating the feeling of doing what had to be done, and absolutely no more or and no less than that. A 2-1 win would have probably sent people into panic mode or something akin to that, railing against a team that couldn't properly dispatch a struggling side. Had we won 4-1 or 5-1, the side would probably be accused of downhill skiing, able to beat up on poor little Northcote but go missing when it counts.

Despite all of that, once again - and really, it's probably just my latest little hang up - the very late subs, this time made in the 88th and 91st minutes, continue to baffle me. Is there that little trust in the capabilities of the bench that they can't be entrusted with maintaining a two goal lead for 12 minutes instead of 5? Against (in midweek) a team a division below us and (yesterday) a team that's bottom of the table by some margin? Even as the coaches keep making reference to how deep our squad is, and how the squad needs to be rotated during those periods of the season with a heavy workload?

I don't know, maybe I bring this up only because when you mostly keep winning, you need to find some obscure area which doesn't seem to be perfect, and then pick on that. I was glad that Leigh Minopoulos got some solid minutes off the bench, and I fancy so were a few other South fans.

After the match
I did not bother with the Greek national team training session, not because of the 90 minute wait after our game for it to begin, but because I couldn't give a rat's about the Greek national team. From the sound of things not too many people made the effort to watch them train, though some of the players themselves reportedly seemed personable and willing to mingle with fans.

By the way, I had a look at the ticket prices for tomorrow's game partly out of morbid curiosity, and my goodness, they must think the Greek community of Melbourne (and wherever else Greeks may fly or drive in from for this game) are making Calombaris amounts of money.

Next game
Port Melbourne at home on Friday night. With the all or nothing FFA Cup grudge match spectacular against Bentleigh coming up soon after this fixture, it will be interesting to see what approach to team selection that Taylor and friends make.

FFA Cup fixture news
Our FFA Cup match away against Bentleigh has been scheduled for Tuesday June 14th, kickoff at 7:30PM.

Tsk, tsk, tsk department
As if wearing number 99 wasn't enough of a rubbish gimmick, Iqi Jawadi has now taken to wearing non-matching boots. Oh for the glory days of 2013, and Renco Van Eeken Fruit Watch. That was both classy, and sending a good message to the children and their parents.

Where in the world is Philzgerald Mbaka?
He seems to have vanished off the face of the earth. I'm hearing some talk that he is no longer at the club. If this is true, that would open up some space on our PPS tally.

This souvlaki goes up to eleven
We had a go at Bentleigh earlier this year for their $12 souv, so it's only right that we take aim at the Lakeside souvlaki truck for charging $11 for what is at best only a so-so souv. No wonder I end up eating on Clarendon Street before or after a game. Is the rent at Lakeside really that onerous?

Speaking of which
How's the social club coming along?

I'm going to take a wild stab at this and say not very good.

Luke Adams scores exactly the kind of goal you'd expect him to

Luke Adams scores his first goal for New Zealand #ONC #NZLvSOL #PNG pic.twitter.com/6HKsJRYcas

— Phototek (@PhototekNZ) June 4, 2016

Around the grounds
Being Greek, for one night only
Chris Egan and I ended up at Jack Edwards Reserve mostly because it was raining, and because Kevin Bartlett Reserve has no shelter. Oakleigh scored after two minutes, Bulleen missed a glorious chance to equalise a minute later, and as far as I'm concerned, that was that, though the home side added a couple more goals for good measure. I was impressed with the style of the two sides in the wet conditions, as both tried to be patient and play the ball on the ground, but there is such a thing as being too patient. Then we ended up at Vanilla because Chris wanted to see where Melbourne Greeks go to be Greek I suppose.

Belles of Ballarat
The last, and only other time that I'd gone to see the Matildas play a match was ten years ago. On that day, there were about a hundred people at Lakeside, most of them probably Mexican fans. The four or five or so Aussie fans standing on Clarendon Corner (including myself) waved a couple of flags, and even managed to convince the referee to award a corner that probably wasn't (I thought it was, so at least I was being honest), which the Matildas scored from. How's that for changing the course of history? Still, interest was so low that the Matildas' next game was played at Port Melbourne of all places. But things have changed now, and people are more interested in the Matildas and women's soccer in general. So when it was announced that they'd be playing a game in Ballarat, one couldn't help but feel that there was too much novelty value to ignore, even with a Paisley Park derby option closer to home.

Arriving in Ballarat one knew from past experience that the bus situation wasn't great, so Gains and I caught a cab to the ground, with our taxi driver singing along to a country and western CD. Upon entering the ground I saw that the stand was reserved, though what the point of that was considering the stand has no roof I'm not sure. There were food options for both pleb (hot dogs, chips, etc) and wannabe hipster (woodfired pizza, sliders with served brioche buns of a supermarket croissant level of sweetness) alike, on either side of the stand. FFV CEO Peter Gome was wearing a Green Bay Packers jacket, which while appropriate in terms of its colour scheme, prompted one to nevertheless ask the question of why he couldn't have Aussie soccer gear on instead?

The rain wasn't heavy, but it was consistent, and it probably had the effect of keeping some of the locals away. But there was a decent crowd in spite of the conditions (which were mild compared to other Ballarat experiences I've had), though how engaged the crowd were with the game is another matter entirely.

Decent crowd here at Morshead Park in Ballarat for Matildas vs New Zealand pic.twitter.com/bBcWPHvRE2

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) June 4, 2016

An early and fortunate goal - at least it appeared fortunate from our vantage point directly behind the trajectory of the shot - might have got the crowd into the game a bit, but it felt a bit more like a picnic day, which when all is said and done is perfectly fine. It was a friendly, the game wasn't much good - the Matildas played with very little width, or smarts for that matter - and New Zealand while stout in defense, offered stuff all going the other way. The second Matildas goal seemed to have a bit more style, but moments like that were too few and far between.

Considering how little anyone cared for the national anthem, one was hopeful that we could get away without a rendition of that bogan chant, but it popped up during the second half, momentarily ruining the whole day. Then I remembered that I had some raspberry drops that Chris Egan had bought (on my request) during his visit to Sovereign Hill earlier that day, and things weren't so bad anymore. It was also good to catch up with fellow FFV Historical Committee member Maggie Khoumi, Shoot Farken's Athas Zafiris, as well as Oz Soccer's legendary stats man Andrew Howe. Not a bad day overall, and being able to catch the train from Sunshine instead of Footscray or Spencer Street was a nice touch.

Final thought
Three consecutive days spent watching soccer in cold, wet and rainy conditions has not been kind to my health this week.

South of the Border Awards 2011

Player of the year: Carl Recchia. This was a close run thing in my mind. Considering how many players were absent for extended periods throughout the season, as well as the fact that we used over 30 players during the season, ultimately I had to look for the most versatile, most determined and most valuable player, and Carl was that person this season. With apologies to Zaim Zeneli, who did a good job in goals as an unknown quantity; Jesse Krncevic, who scored lots of goals but could have scored more had he been on the field; and Kyle Joryeff, who I marked harshly last season, but was this season's biggest improver.

Under 21 player of the year: The Cliff Hussey Memorial Trophy goes to Jake Vandemey and Josh Colosimo. Yeah, I know, ties suck. But also, wow, this was hard to pick again. Despite churning through a few young players, not many of them got an extended go, and those that did - Kamahl Ibrahim and Kliment Taseski - didn't impress me all that much - please no more more loaning of young playesr when we have our talent to draw on. Even the under 21s team went through a mountain's worth of players. Injuries and defections

The reason I pick these two lads, is because even though they spent most of the season not even playing for South, and instead participating in a league several notches lower in terms of standard, their willingness to see their tenure at Hobart Olympia as an opportunity rather than as a barrier to their ambitions to play senior football in the VPL. They certainly seemed to provide a positive influence on a previously struggling Olympia outfit both on the field and off it with their professional attitude.

Goal of the year: Kyle Joryeff, against Bentleigh round 2. The obvious choice would be Jesse Krncevic's effort against Northcote, round 22. There were some good free kicks and such along the journey, but Joryeff's control, turn and shot for what turned out to be the winning goal in the game was an early season highlight of mine.

Best performance: Oakleigh away, during the home and away season. We thoroughly deserved the win, and only conceded a goal from a stupid free kick.

Best away game of the year: Purely from a fan's point of view, and disregarding the result and the frankly woeful performance, the semi-final loss against Oakleigh. A good crowd, and South fans created a terrific atmosphere. It was great to have Lefteri back this year as well. Hopefully we see him at plenty of away games next season also.

Call of the year: "Northcote have received so much money from us over the past two years that they should have 'South Melbourne' on the front of their shirts". Probably a bit harsh, but at least it was memorable and more than just a little insightful.

Chant of the year: Maybe I missed some really good ones not being near Clarendon Corner, but I reckon it'd have been hard to top this one. When Ljubo Milicevic had a decision go against him in the home game against Springvale White Eagles, the chant went up 'the referee's an Anglo'. Classic. Runners up were Clarendon Corner chanting my name early in the season, and MCF's effort against Cobram Victory in the Mirabella Cup. "Give me a 'C', give me an 'O', give me a 'B', give me an 'R', give me an 'A', give me an 'M', what does spell? INCEST!" Crude, tasteless, wonderfully oldskool

Best after match dinner location: Look, it has to be during the season proper. Otherwise the Hellenic Club in Hobart would have won this hands down (and even the call of the year for tha matter). But the Hot Space Szechuan Bar in Russell Street makes a fiery but awesome gung po chicken that even manged to stop Steve from Broady from shoveling it down in his usual reckless manner. How about that? Consecutive years of spicy chicken dishes win this title.

Friends we lost along the way: Aussie Disposals blue/white no.2. What a piece of crap umbrella that was. Carked it upon opening against some team or other. Supermercado; don't think we saw him any any game this year. Wherever you are Mercs, please come home, we miss you.

Shenanigans - Green Gully 3 South Melbourne 2

It was the closest to a full strength side we'd seen for some weeks - hell, we even  managed to play well, though good chances for either side were few. And yet somehow we come out of this fixture again without a win, and on this occasion without even a point which is the least we deserved.

Of the returning players, Jesse seemed to make the bigger difference, as Gully marked him tightly, which might be why there was more room for some of the play on the wing. All in all, I can't really fault anyone out there today, except for our  goalkeeper Abdel Deroune who had an absolute shocker.

It's quite possible to pin all three goals we conceded on him. Green Gully had few other clearcut chances to score, yet anytime they crossed the ball into the box I felt more and more nervous as Deroune was all over the shop from the beginning. Even regulation low powered shots and crosses where he was under no pressure were slipping out of his grasp.

Foul Throws
At this level I might get to see a foul throw called once a season. Today there were about four or five of them, all called against us, and at least two of those called on Ljubo 'Keeping It Real' Milicevic. And those I was able to see on the side nearest to me certainly looked dodgy, so good on the ref for calling them.

New Umbrella
With the weather turning this way and that, it was time to find a new umbrella. So I went down to Altona Gate Shopping Centre, saw some guy who looked like Kyle Joryeff, but didn't find anything that satisfied me in the way of an umbrella. Thankfully a random trip to Footscray Market was more worthwhile, and I allegedly got a $5 discount from the Vietnamese lady. Well, kudos to you shopkeep, as at least it managed to last longer in battle that the previous umbrella that I had.

Next Game
Next Sunday at Northcote against Springvale White Eagles. Surely we will win this game. Surely Zaim Zeneli will have to come back in for this match. Otherwise I'm calling shenanigans.

Final Thought
Who would have thought that in a game where we restricted the opposition of next to nothing of value going forward, won ourselves and scored two legitimate penalties at that ground, hit the crossbar denying us 3-2 lead, we would still find a way to lose.

Day of Ghosts - South Melbourne 1 Richmond 0

Well, this was an unusual day.

The weather wheeled and turned the way it used to do in Melbourne. Rain, sun, wind, hot, cold, not necessarily in that order. Got to wheel out the Greek phrase "ο ήλιος έχει δόντια (the sun has teeth)", meaning that even though the sun is shining, there is no warmth. There's apparently also a version of this saying in Albania, so there's a good chance that it's a wider Balkan thing. The second umbrella I bought from Aussie Disposals kicked the bucket about five seconds after I opened it. So it goes.

And Lefteri was back, after years and years away. For the uninitiated - Lefteri was the sound of South Melbourne Hellas for about 25 years. The specific sound was his trumpet, calling ours fans to arms. Even if you didn't know what he looked like, even if you stood in another part of the ground, the trumpet was as much as part of the South Melbourne experience as souvlakia and a long line at the ticket booths two minutes before kickoff.

South fans happy to have Lefteri back. Photo: Cindy Nitsos

There are several rumours circulating about the reasons for his seven year absence. And it wasn't like there weren't several efforts in the post-NSL era to try and get him back. Why did he come back today of all days? Will he be back next week? The week after? Who knows. With all due respect to Bruno, the lad who's filled in on trumpet duties on and off in the year's since Lefteri's absence, it was nice to hear the original, even if it wasn't quite as powerful and fluent as it used to be, and to see him in his vintage vest, loaded with patches. In a very small way, for many it felt like nothing had changed. A quick look around though quickly breaks that illusion.

We started off the game well, dominating the first twenty minutes or so. All our chances went to waste though, and our slicing and dicing of the Richmond defence was all for nothing. The visitors picked up their game, but were still mostly reliant on set pieces on causing us problems. Steven O'Dor was back in this week, but he barely lasted half the game. He came off and Recchia was forced back to the defensive post he held last week. He's doing a good job - it's amazing what decent pre-season can do for a player.

But as the game wore on, we kept losing our shape. The main culprit was Ljubo Milicevic, who whether under the coach's instructions or his own decision to hark back to the days of Total Football, decided his role was to roam across the field, in every position it seemed except for the one he was supposed to be in: centre back. It caused all sorts of chaos on the field, and raised the ire of several of his teammates. And all of a sudden the ghosts of Ljubo's past are coming out again, to the point where maybe a Captain Obvious/Dr Philism comes into play - hey, maybe it's not always everyone else, maybe sometimes it's you.

Where was Simon Colosimo today? Photo: Gains

Anyway, Carl Recchia managed to score the winning goal, from a corner where allegedly the keeper was obstructed. I couldn't see if that was the case from the distance and angle I was at, suffice to say I was pretty confident when I saw the ball dip quickly at the near post with the keeper somewhat stranded. All in all not pretty stuff again for the most part, but good enough. Next week away to Hume for an earlier version of the Anzac Day Cup, one of the so-called 'Great Cups of Cuppage'.

Now for some of the other crap that happened today.

• Discussing the current status of Greek provincial team Kalamata, it came to my attention that they had been relegated to the fourth division there due to either financial irregularities or mismanagement. Hell, let's just call it shenanigans. Somehow I managed to quip that there's probably a rumour starting over there that the fans are asking whether George Vasilopoulos or his Kalamata equivalent has a mansion in Dromana. 
• Remember when Tony Free was captain of the Richmond aussie rules club? Hilarious stuff.
• Dean Uthoff or Shawn Bradley?
• Now this one's from Steve from Broady, so I can't really ascertain the truth of the matter. All I can say is that it sounds good. Anyway the story goes that former South Melbourne players and current Melbourne Victory employees Mehmet Durakovic and Kevin Muscat were at the game. At half time as Clarendon Corner went past as they were switching ends, Muscat for some reason apparently called us a club run by fish and chip shop owners. I haven't had this story verified by anyone else yet.
• The "Keeping It Real" fad is getting out of control. I think I'm going to start the Hyperreal faction.

South of the Border awards 2010

Finally we get to the end of this utterly bizarre season marred by everything, and with an AGM and election still to come. I'm not sure how much more I can take, but here goes.

Player of the year: Fernando De Moraes had this sewn up half way through the season. Then Peter Zois did his thing, rescuing us from several beatings. But Fernando was just so good to watch, he brought others into games and even took out the VPL's player of the year award. Zois' defection to Oakleigh had nothing to do with my decision.

Under 21 player of the year: The Cliff Hussey Memorial Trophy goes to Stefaan Sardelic. Under 21s players in the senior squad were incredibly thin on the ground in 2010. Sam Torrens and Sash Vranesevic were the only two outfield players under that category at the beginning of the year, and both departed for more opportunities elsewhere during the season. Sardelic's performance in the Singapore Cup quarter finals though were more than enough reason to give this award by default.

Goal of the year: Fernando's curling shot from outside the box, late in the away game against Bentleigh, giving us a hard fought 1-0 win in the rain and slush out at Kingston Heath. One of those shots you knew was in pretty much instantly.

Best performance: The second leg against Bangkok Glass. No doubt.

Best away game of the year: Oakleigh away. We won, and we had some fun afterwards at the train station with the vending machine. Nothing illegal, mind.

Call of the year: Quack. I'm not sure it actually quacked even once, but whatever,

Chant of the year: I spent a lot of time away from Clarendon Corner this season, for obvious reasons, but the rendition of the Pink Panther theme in loving tribute to Dandenong Thunder keeper Stuart Webster's all pink outfit (except for his black socks) was clever and tasteful. Runner up was the medley of classic chants run through during the last game at Lakeside.

Best retrieval and return of a ball that had gone over the fence: Gains against Sunshine at Northcote. The ball had gone over the fence for a corner. Gains threw the ball gently over the fence, only for it to roll around right into the corner arc, to mild applause from those paying attention. Only for the player taking the corner to adjust the blessed thing anyway. Poor form.

Best after match dinner location: Well, we ended up going to several places during the season - I even went with Steve (aka Chris Griffin) to Subway once, but I never eat there, because if I want an overpriced baguette style sandwich I'll get it from Waffle On in Degraves Street. Es Teler 77, a cheap Indo place on Swanston Street near Melbourne Central wins this because of its Ayam Balado, spicy deep fried chicken served with steamed rice and chicken broth.

Friends we lost along the way: Old Blacky. Rest In Pieces. And Aussie Disposals Blue and White No. 1.

Self-service Kebabs - Hume City 0 South Melbourne 6

No seriously - in return for your $5, you received a bread roll with a cut in the middle; the dude in charge of the meat would place a selction of shavings into said roll; then you were free to add your own amounts of onion and tomato. Not sold on this method myself.

Anyways, Hume came flying out of the blocks, and we were scrambling. This lasted for about 20 minutes or so, then we worked our way into, scored, and kept on scoring for the rest of the game. Many of the goals were comical in their ease - the pick of the bunch was Daniel Vasilevski's freekick in the 2nd half to make it 5-0.

Hume had a few out apparently, but still had some classy players out there, and came out breathing fire, and then just stopped. It was bizarre. I said it last week, I know, but a much tougher game this week against Richmond.

Gianni De Nittis and Travis Cloke bagging four goals in a single day? Who knew such things were possible. Oh, and the legendary umbrella is dead. Lest we forget.

Seagulls searching for worms in the mud

Waiting at the corner across from Lakeside as the rain was coming down at the lights which take forever to change to a favourable condition, Rhodri Payne let me shelter under his umbrella. Thank you.

Ok, so we lost a shortened halves game against the West Sydney Berries. It was a god awful boring match.

The Pan-Hellenic men's final was on before, Victoria vs South Australia. The rain pissed down for most of this game, the field was already in a mess, and it was only worse afterwards. Some terrible tavkles in that game, lots of niggly crap. Vics won 3-1, all heir goals having some sort of deflection apparently - I only saw their two last goals.

What terrible organisation this event had also. The winning team got their photos taken and such, then the girls winners had their medals and presentation, and then the men had another go. There were numerous renditions of the Australian and Greek national anthems. Some kids choir got to sing in front of the 50 people that were left at the end of the day. Not inspiring stuff.

Where's my umbrella? South 0 Oakleigh 0

I lent it to Steven last week, so he could walk home from the Hume City game and be at least a little dry. Now it's not that I'm desperate to have it back - I have several brollies and another one similar to the lent one but with a hook end instead of just a straight and short end - I guess this is just my way of saying, we had our chances today, plenty of the ball, but couldn't score. Oakleigh play pretty crappy football, and rely on individual spark rather than any sort of method. Ah well, Magic at home next week, and three pretty important points to pick up before our seemingly customary three week mid-season away spell.