Fuck. Yeah. (and a really dodgy photo)

Or,

Possibly the worst entry ever submitted here.

I had an FFV media pass back in 2009, due to helping Ian 'The Big Fella' Syson out with various streams of research during his stnt as writer in residence at the Federation. It was great fun as you'd expect, helping me get into several games for nothing including the 2009 grand final and Altona Magic - Green Gully 3-3 super classic, but I never saw myself pursuing a media pass beyond that year. After all, my eyes were so bad it was all I could do to remember to cheer on the blue team (in most cases), let alone write frequent match reports.

After a persistent eye infection I got new glasses late last year, which improved that situation a great deal, but not nearly enough to become a fully fledged match reporter. And even though I'd had offers of having a form signed by the club to get a media pass, I preferred, in an atypical bout of hubris/misplace morality to maintain my independence from outside entities and pay for my concession ticket, which I'm glad to do, partly because it's the right thing to do.

For some reason though during this off-season, I got it into my head that three years and over 1000 entries later (mostly by me, but also with nice contributions by Cliff and the Kiss of Death),that it might be worthwhile to very tentatively try and branch out and see if all this work was enough to merit a media pass. After overcoming my customary trepidation, doubt and self-loathing long enough to submit an application, it turns out that yes, good things sometimes come to those willing to commit to the task of spilling somewhat disturbingly soothing bile across the interwebs.

Thanks to Mia Hayes from the FFV for answering my questions, such as this absolute pearler - should I bother applying?. It's either a great and timely acknowledgment of the increasing relevance of the blogosphere, or obviously undeserved reward for three solid years of writing crap, but whatever the case, it's time to once more cop greasy looks from the guys at the Altona East ticket stand when I get in for free, possibly vote in the media's player of the year award, the Bill Fleming Medal, and hell, maybe even attend a press conference or two this time around.

South season launch, er, launched

The season launch or Jersey Presentation night is back to more familiar surrounds at Albert by the Lake, on Friday 26th February, cost $105. All things being equal, South of the Border will be there. Will it be more or less eventful than last time? We'll see.

Forgot one thing, but no surprise really.

Two years of doing this thing. Just eight more years before it earns me a life membership, so I can then grumble like the rest of the life members about having to pay the $50 life membersip renewal fee. But like that will ever happen.
This is what happened this year. No value judgments.

• Less articles, in part because there were no interstate trips, no A-League bid, and the Eels' Hombre Lobo was actually a pretty crappy record.
• Talked to public service people about stuff.
• Pissed off some people intentionally.
• Pissed off some people unintentionally.
• Didn't change the layout a billion times.
  
• Lost Cliff to muzzadom.

Thankyou to CC White for another win, Ian for free books, Cuddles for telling me all the things I can't say, Psile for matching my cynicism stride for stride, Gains for providing a stupid sense of hope that this club's support base can be replenished, Tony for letting me be a quizmaster, Mildura Vasili for being a fan, Michal for being on msn a lot, Nick 'the other Polish South fan', the Offset no. 9 team for putting out a decent book, and the people who had my back went it counted - you know who you are.

Mellas, Patitsas, gone

Usually when the AGM rolls around and resignations happen at around the same time, the announcement is made in front of the members. Not so yesterday for some reason. Indeed, they didn't even sit with the rest of the board. What does it all mean? Who knows, and perhaps it doesn't matter anyway, I'm probably reading too much into it. Still, it would have been nice to know what heir future plans were, why they gave up their spot on the board etc.

It's done

The AGM passed the motion giving permission to the board to continue negotiating with the government on the Lakeside redevelopment.

And it was great, after several flat AGMs, to see a passionate response on several issues from the membership - and the board - when it counted.

One shouldn't count their chickens before they hatch - but this may genuinely be the real deal, this time, after several false new dawns.

Let's be honest for a moment

Because this blog is full of heinous lies most of the time.

Isn't AGM time the happiest time of the year? I certainly think so. All the fun of hearing bigmouth motherfuckers, even people I more or less like, become weak as kittens when they come face to face with a bloke armed with a Powerpoint presentation and a microphone set to a dodgy level.

It's not an election year, that's next year if they get enough candidates, and there was thing called the Global Financial Crisis - which for so many people is just the continuation of their relative poverty, and nothing particularly special - so a few people anecdotely at least, didn't buy a social club membership. And the funny thing about that is? This year the club has made a pledge to check names at the door so that only voting rights members can get in. Brilliant, just the way it should be. And there will not be the allowance of proxy voting.

If you are unsure if this includes you, ask yourself these simple questions:

1. Did you get a letter in the mail about the AGM
2. Are you a Heritage Club member?
3. Part of the Southern Cross Corporate Coterie?
4. A South Gold member, like me?
5. Paid up Life Member?
   
6. A holder of a Family membership, which allows one vote?

If you couldn't answer yes to any of these questions, you probably won't be allowed in. If you're not sure, and hell, why trust the info on a random poorly spellchecked blog, contact Nicki up at the club. Or even pop in and say hi, and leave your name in the guest book.

So what are going to be the big issues this year? The redevelopment of course and the juniors. That's no secret. And to be fair, most of my questions have been answered by the board and government public service types, and I've parlayed most of the info that I've been able to towards you, the loyal readers of this blog. So this year I reckon I'll take a backseat, leave the clipboard at home, and just enjoy the ride, and the power that comes with getting a vote on the most crucial matter since the club sank down to peepee soaked heckhole that is the VPL. I can sense one board member in particular breathing a sigh of relief at that.

For those concerned at about any pent up aggression I might have, I'll be getting my organisational performance review angry question and answer jollies off at a tailor made session today for Victoria University's Faculty of Arts, Education and Human Development. And I also get lunch at the end of that.

And speaking of righteous indignation

A portion of Les Murray's speech at the gala ball has been approved for released to the masses. And hey, there's a couple of interesting cameos too.

Naffness personified

I was been recently comissioned I guess to write two pieces for the official South site. I don't like the first one, on the gala ball, very much at all, but the second one, a season review, is a little better I guess. But then again, what do I know about these things?

Finally!

After many years of heading up to the Tracie McGovern Cup, a post-season women's football tournament held in New South Wales, the South Women finally managed to snare the major prize. The results are non-existent at the time of print on the tournament site, but nevertheless, congratulations to the girls for managing to win a pretty freaken big trophy. And good to see also that for once Casey Comets didn't take out first prize.

Notes from the 2009 Grand Final

I was convinced by the opportunity to catch up with a few South fans - as well as my media pass granting me free entry - to turn up to this yesterday. Dandenong Thunder had streaked the league, four or so games clear by the end, but that counts for nothing when you have finals. Their opponents wee Altona Magic, defending champs, third grand final in four seasons - never having finished first on the table though in any of those years.

There was plenty to see and a few surprises as well. Altona Magic's main cash cow Melissa Fischer-Massa came out of hiding - she's been scarcely seen at a VPL venue since allegations of the abysmal financial state of her nursing homes came to light. The Albanian contingent seemed in reasonably strong presence, air horns and all. The Magic's fans had some presence, but mostly elderly and as usual a small group of young people for whom this is probably their first Magic game of the season.

As per usual, the PA system at Lakeside was a mess - the national anthem was half done before anyone realised it was on. Now, I'm not a huge fan of national flags and anthems, ut I don't believe there was any disrespect meant by people not singing or standing to attention - and besides, isn't that what's so great about a country like Australia? That we don't have to have guns at our heads making us pay our respects? It used to be like that I reckon, but perhaps my memory is faulty. The next surprise was the start of the 'Vou-vou-voulgari' and 'Tsi-tsi-tsigani' chants from the Albanians directed towards the Magic fans. A Heidelberg fan next to me attempted to note the irony of it all.

The game itself was lacking in any sort of cohesive quality. There was at best, an implied edge, that there was something bigger than three points on the line, but the game never really lifted in tempo or quality throughout its torturous 120 minutes plus several stoppages for injuries. The Thunder took the lead in the 2nd half, a saved shot ricocheting into the path of Thunder's captain who headed home. Altona leveled from the penalty spot, after a long range shot hit the arm of a defender. The young Magic fans bring out their ethnic flags, and the police and security move in, eventually. Reports soon spread that a guy had collapsed in the stands. The medics worked hard to revive him - and they do - but ultimately it is to no avail; he doesn't pull through. Three ambulances turned up in total. For some it put the game in perspective - it is just a game after all. But the game went on.

The penalty shootout saw the Thunder fans move behind the goal, and that's when the flare show started, and the FFV brought out the receipt book. If a flare lit is worth a $1k fine, then that's $7k at least that Dandenong will have to find from somewhere. At least a couple of flares were thrown back into the grassy area behind the scoreboard, which started a small grass fire. South board member George Koukoulas added Fireman Sam to his list of roles played at the club by putting out the fire with a fire extinguisher from inside the social club. The fire brigade turned up eventually, but they didn't have much to do. Bottles were also thrown from the grandstand onto the field.

After the game, the Thunder contingent left peacefully - leaving pretty much no one on hand to witness the Magic raising their fifth Victorian championship cup. A couple of us inspected the damage after the show, taking photos for the benefit of the FFV who'll have to pay up for it. Quite a few grandstand seats damaged in the sections the vocal Thunder fans were in, as well as some damage behind the goals where they'd moved for the penalty shootout. It's not the final game at Lakeside as we know it, but we're getting there.

Gold Medal Night Results for South

Laura Spiranovic finished runner up to the eventual winner in the Women's Premier League. Ross Thomson of Hume won the men's award with 25 votes. The best placed South players was... Fernando De Moraes, If I had a malfunctioning air-conditioner and a hat, we would be able to recreate the classic skit form the Fallout Boy episode of The Simpsons.

South women lose 4-2 in prelim against Bergers

3-0 down after 15 minutes. Game as good as done right there. Did not look at all likely up front in the first half, and everyone else seemed asleep. Second half had a chance to pull it back to 3-1, but instead went 4-0 down. Two consolation goals were the final chapter in an otherwise very good season after so many years of struggle.

Details for women's preliminary final

Just for the record, I ain't on the women's team mailing list, nor do I get a retainer from the government to spruik its Lakeside redevelopment plans, I've never been paid for any of my three or so articles on Neos Kosmos English Weekly and no one really tells me anything anymore that I'm allowed to tell you until everyone else can know it at the same time as well. I can't even be suitably cryptic without getting in trouble with the chocolate cake eaters.

But now over to Niki Cook from the women's team ruling cabal, Gang of Four etc. One of my lecturers, tutors, supervisors, Svengalis this semester, John Weldon (who knew at least one of Guy Garvey's sisters back in Bury, zomg) made a reference to the Gang Of Four to people in my performance writing class who were all likely between the ages of 18-20, and unfamiliar with either the band or the Chinese Communist Party political faction said band were named after. Don't worry, I had a word to him about it.


Hello all

After a game of heart-stopping excitement last Saturday, our Senior team defeated Sandringham 3-2 in extra time, and has progressed to the WPL Preliminary Final. Victory in this game would put the team in the Grand Final, which is a fantastic achievement.

The Preliminary Final takes place on Sunday morning (6th September), and it will be held at Bob Jane Stadium. Kick off is 11am.

Once again, we would love your support, it was amazing last week to hear the crowd cheering us on, it really made a difference.

Entry to the game is free.

The event flyer is attached.

Hope to see you there,

Niki

Fernando youtube video stats courtesy of Gains

Our buddy Gains posted the following data on smfcboard, noting perhaps indirectly at the irony of 500 people being at the game while nearly 275,000 hits have been registered for it online. This is all for the month of August - remembering that the clip wasn't even uploaded until the 15th August.

#1 - Most Viewed (This Month) - Sports - Australia
#6 - Most Viewed (This Month) - Australia
#6 - Top Favorited (This Month) - Sports - Australia
#14 - Top Rated (This Month) - Sports - Australia
#21 - Most Discussed (This Month) - Sports - Australia
#43 - Most Viewed (This Month) - Sports
#73 - Top Favorited (This Month) - Australia
#78 - Most Responded (This Month) - Sports - Australia

South girls through to preliminary final

Very exciting match, both teams really wanted to win it, a couple of great crunching slide tackles from our girls at crucial moments, perfectly timed were my highlights. Really end to end stuff for much of the game. First half we cleared one off the line, and then scored soon after from a corner, goal at back post. Sandy equalised soon afterwards in much the same fashion from a free kick on edge of box. We got a penalty late in firts half and went into the break 2-1 up.

Momentum swung this way and that in the 2nd half, and deep into injury time Sandy put away a goal mouth scramble. About 10 minutes into second half injury time, substitute Jade Barnden got the ball on the counter, with a defender on her inside and the keeper to beat, timed her run/shot just well enough to sneak it in at the far post. A couple of scary moments right at the death as the conditions worsened considerably - that is, it started absolutely bucketing down, and the South keeper dropped one in the six yard box, but we managed to clear it and that was pretty much it.

Sandy will feel hard done by, as they had more than their fair share of the play and chances, but South winning the game was hardly a travesty either. Curiously South's first two goals were greeted by Adelaide Crows style clapping, and Sandy's goals by loud cheers, but the winning goal was a loud roar from the home supporters.

Delivering a service of sorts

How could I forget about this? We love constructive criticism on South of the Border, and we love a good, honest debate as well. Sometimes these things get a little heated. Last year, the closer we got to having to vote on the Lakeside redevelopment deal, the more angst was thrown about amongst the supporter base, and smfcboard was no exception. The lack of detail given out by the board was a major factor in this - and their reasoning of confidentiality, and the importance of only social club members, was not to the satisfaction. This is an example of one such exchange, between myself and a forumite named Puskas (whom I have never met personally, but am assured by someone who knows him that he's a good guy, and I believe that to be true). The reason I put it up is because of the last line, as you'll see. Did he end up following through with his threat of voting against the proposed deal? I don't know. The members were pretty much unanimous in giving their assent, and in such cases, for better or worse we see the function of a member run club being played out. 

Puskas: But then again the majority of the members here bent over willingly and copped it up the arse by Lowy and his FFA mafia.

Me: And please us how the majority of members here took it up the arse but you somehow stuck it to the man? What did you do?

Puskas: The board and members could've made a lot more noise when we lost our status within the football hierarchy of this country. The board should've bombarded the media. The board should've been in everyone's face. Instead it was just a yes man to Lowy. Lets not forget Adelaide, Perth and Brisbane were with us in the NSL and now have A-League status. This club has lost all chance of ever being in the elite competition. Unless the A-League collapses we are doomed to play VPL forever or until we get relegated. Tell Eddie and his Athletics Victoria board to go fuck themselves and I will be voting for that at the AGM. Why don't you stick that in your blog faggot.

South women in elimination final tomorrow

Message from the women's team that I have informally been asked to pass on.


As relayed in a previous email, our WPL seniors have qualified for the finals. They finished third on the ladder, which gives us a home final for this must win game. It is an Elimination Final against Sandringham, the fourth placed side, so there are no second chances.

The game will take place at 3pm this Saturday (29th August) at Bob Jane Stadium.

We would love to see as many of you as possible at the ground to give the club your support in this historic game. Given that it is our home game, let's create a hostile atmosphere to strike fear into the Sandringham hearts!

Come down, bring family and friends, wear your club colours, and let's get the team even further into the finals!

South of the Border awards 2009

Collect and prepare ingredients from February-August. Simmer over low heat for a couple of days. Post and leave to cool on blog windowsill and be ignored by everyone.

Player of the year: Sebastian Petrovic. Even George Katsakis was impressed with his performances this year.

Under 21 player of the year: The Cliff Hussey Memorial Trophy goes to James Spanos. Rare for a player to go through an entire season and not make a single mistake, but he did it.

Goal of the year: Goran Zoric's fourth goal against Preston at BT Connor. Flick, volley, from outside the box, top corner, 7-1, good night nurse.

Best performance over a whole match: Bergers away. Too bad we couldn't score a goal to go with it.

Best period of play during the season: Probably the first 20 minutes of the 2nd half against the Knights at Lakeside. We kinda looked like we could do anything then.

Best away game: Richmond. Good company (except for Psile, who was in hiding from Victorious), good food, good win, and the Pies got up by a point as well.

Best call on the terraces: The old bloke who'd fainted/collapsed at the home game against Hume. When the ambulance arrived and he'd seemingly partially recovered he apparently asked them if he could stay to watch the second half. I was saddened to hear that this person, apparently a member for over 40 years, passed away a few weeks ago. My condolence to his family and friends. I hope I still have the same love for this club in 40 years time.

Chant of the year: Come On Hellas! Forza! Hellas!. Yes it's a chant from 2008, but one which was only chanted with any enthusiasm once the bloke who created it fucked off to Poland.

Dreams explode in a burst of cream and crust - Hume 2 South 0

Well, that's that then. An early goal in each half from them, and a fair bit of dithering around by us from most of the rest of the game. If, as Dr Phil says, that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, then the last several weeks pretty much showed how we were going to finish the season off. Winning the title from fifth would have been easier if we had stormed our way in, riding the crest of a wave. As it was, we limped in, out of form, and out of luck - the kind of luck that follows you like a hobo who wants a cigarette when you're playing well.

So what now? Well, on field there's several issues that will need to be dealt with. The keeping situation of course. The parts of the defence that allow those chances. The midfield that gives the ball away cheaply. The players paid to put away chances and yet don't. If this sounds like a plea for a mass cleanout, it's not. Because pretty much the same team also went 10 games undefeated, played some very good football and even scored some cracking goals. Mentally though something switched off at a certain point in the 2nd half of the year. We kept falling behind, kept botching rudimentary opportunities, and seemed at times to be utterly dazed and confused, and that included some of the decisions of the coaching staff.

Now regular readers will have deduced by now that I'm no scholar when it comes to the game. I have players and styles of play that I like more than others, but these aren't necessarily because they are the best, the most attractive or most effective. So I'm not going to really proffer my expertise here, because it would be pointless. I'm just a raconteur, a petty wordsmith with a little hobby and a little bit too much carefully engineered spare time. And besides, there are plenty of soccer professors out there who are far more capable than me of coming up with theories as to where it all went wrong, and more importantly, what needs to be done to get it all right. And even as I type these words to you, they are frothing at the mouth, dispensing their gifts of wisdom like Father Christmas on a commission based wage.

For the time being, I'm going to focus my interests on some of the big off field stuff. Like the Lakeside redevelopment, where the fuck are we going to play next year, constitutional reform, and doing an inventory of all the stuff the club has. Maybe get back to doing some kore historical stuff too. A few loose ends to tie up as well on here like hand out some awards no one cares about, and the women's team playing finals football for the first time in who knows how long. Catching up with people I haven't seen too much of for the past six months, and maybe going to see the odd band or film, or even read a book. And there's my Offset project too and figuring out what I'm going to do next year. But I digress.

So while one season finishes, and in a sputtering fashion at that, there is I believe, something to build on all round for the club. The racist, the solipsist, the professorial and those who can't see beyond yesterday might not be able to see it, but I reckon it's there.

Thanks for the peanuts, but seriously

Or how the global financial crisis is hitting Green Gully fans hard.

I was at Altona East today, and after watching two lacklustre games, I figured that I've got my media pass with me, why not watch the qualifying final next door between Altona Magic and Green Gully?

Not a bad crowd considering the small fanbases these two clubs have, as well as the complete irrelevance of this competition to everyone. Some interested onlookers included South assistant coach Phil Peladrinos, two game senior veteran Stefaan Sardelic, spanakopita heir/Heidelberg coach George Katsakis, and remakarbly, even FFV CEO Mark Rendell.

The game being a 6 goal, extra time, penalty shoot out thriller had its moments, but you can read about those elsewhere. What those match reports won't tell you is about how hard Green Gully's fans are doing it in this difficult economic climate. The stimulus packages don't seem to have trickled down to Green Gully Reserve though.

The reason I say this is because rather than purchase any food or drink from the venue - and Altona Magic is one of the cheapest canteens in the VPL - the Gully fans, a whole swathe of them, came prepared with everything they needed. Thermoses full of coffee, a sugar box, paper cups, biscuits, scones. Even the peanut/pumpkin seed man got the short end of the stick, as Gully's fans had even brought their own peanuts (which admittedly some of which they offered me).

My thinking on these matters has always been that either you buy food or drink at the ground, or you take care of all that business before the game and discreetly. The flaunting of their refusal to partake of the local delicacies was most intriguing, and gives one wild ideas about going absolutely nuts with the idea: Clarendon Corner bake sale fundraiser at Green Gully next year?