Friday, 6 September 2013

My Eyes! The Goggles Do Nothing!

I'm still not over Peter Gavalas' error last week against the Knights. It doesn't help when you have a week off to think about it either. Without any sense of hyperbole, it has single handedly ruined our season. It may have also been quite possibly the worst mistake ever made by anyone associated with South Melbourne in our 54 year history. I'd go further, but records before that are too sketchy to make definitive statements.

But instead of complaining about it, maybe we should actually do something to make sure it never happens again. Here are some ideas I think we should consider.

Cap
It seems so simple. They were even handing one out with every membership, and thanks to the FFV's mandatory constitutional reforms from a couple of years back, just about anyone who's sneezed within vicinity of a South game is now a member, and that includes the players. So anyway, back to the hat. It's blue, has a South logo, and 'member' written on the back, without a year listed, probably to save money. It looks kinda crap, but are we here to win titles, or are we here to look good? Since I personally gave up trying to look good circa 1997, let's assume it's the former. I'm also open to the idea of getting someone to sew on a bit of cloth on the back, make it into a legionnaire's cap, for that primary school chic. If that kind of thing matters to you, of course.

Sun Hat
While it may come across as unwieldy, the advantage of this is you get more coverage all around the head area, and even some protection of the neck area, meaning no sunburn. The sun hat also lends itself more to accessorising - maybe add a feather or a flower, perhaps use it to start planning ideas for the spring horse racing season? Still, I'd probably go for the legionnaire's cap option over this one, unless it leads to South releasing a branded sombrero.

Balaclava
Pros:
  • Will help you keep warm in winter.
  • Will provide you with a certain level of anonymity after another stuff up.
  • While making you anonymous, it will also simultaneously make you look like more of a bad ass, which may mean that angry fans will think you're some sort of psycho , and will therefore be less likely to confront you from over the fence (and in our case, running track). Opposition big men are also less likely to challenge you in the air. Of course that didn't matter so much last week, but you get my point.
  • May lead to those old Perth Glory derived Con Boutsianis/We're Gonna Rob A Bank chants making a comeback.
Cons:
  • Won't block out the sun. 
I could go either way on this one.

Welding Mask
Seriously, you can look directly at an eclipse wearing these things. Also useful in the event you have a really dull game, such as the Southern Stars game from the start of the season, and you find yourself with a bit of a chance to catch up with some spot welding. There is a downside though, apart from being a cumbersome item to carry around during a match (hence me ditching the idea of maybe using a leadsuit). And the downside is that communication with the defence would obviously get a bit harder. Then again, Pete Gavalas isn't one of the loudest goalkeepers I've ever heard in my time following the game, so it's hard to tell whether in this case it would be such a disadvantage.

Block Out The Sun
I admit, this is a bit of an extreme idea, but we're here to win championships, aren't we? The thing is, if it worked, I wouldn't be worried about the expense. But then you'd have to turn the lights on, and while Eddie McGuire's covered the cost of that (thanks champ!), you'd then have to worry about Gavalas losing the ball in the bright floodlights.

Play Someone Else In Goal
Now you're just being stupid.

Seriously, Who'd Be A Goalkeeper?
Did you see the replay of that goal? The way the wind caught hold of the free kick in mid-flight? That's some pretty messed up stuff up right there.

6 comments:

  1. With the blocking out the sun option, one thing we have to consider which I didn't put in the post. Are we going to use a model that will block the sun over the entire city during times we're playing, or should we have something more portable, something we can move from ground to ground as need arises?

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  2. And what happens if we play a regional team?

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  3. Who does Pete have incriminating photos of? I assumed it was Gus, but he's gorn and Gavalas seems to still be blackmailing his way into a starting spot.

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  4. "It may have also been quite possibly the worst mistake ever made by anyone associated with South Melbourne in our 54 year history."

    I hear ya, but the pain will pass with qualification (he says more in hope than knowledge.

    If I can get over Tony Abbott as PM then I will get over this calamity. Fingers crossed!

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  5. Play the game at night? Sunglasses? Wait for a solar eclipse?

    Or just punch it away for a corner?

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  6. "Play Someone Else In Goal" please.

    Preferably Maynard but really I don't mind as long as that idiot never plays (and costs us another season) again!

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