You can be in a photo, taking your place underneath an ex-A-League law student of Hungarian descent, and next to some kid who deserves more game time and the captain.
You can meet the players outside of a nightclub/mosque/courtroom setting.
You could get some exercise you fat lardo, by warming up with the players.
You sit in the dressing room. Michael Michalokopoulos' spittle dusts your forehead as he urges the players on to great heights - or berates them for their inability to even downhill ski properly.
You sit on the bench. You can either have a good old fashioned chinwag with the fringe players, or stand next to the coach (if he lets you) and pretend you were a certain former football director. Earplugs recommended, but are not included in this prize.
You eat dinner, putting back in the calories you lost waddling around Bob Jane Stadium in the pre-match warm up, and then some. Awesome.
And just in case no one believes you when tell them of your awesome adventure, you'll be filmed and your face plastered all over the internet, on smfcTV as part of a special feature dedicated to you.
If you want to be in the running for this experience, head to the ebay listing, which was at $91 last time I checked, and place your bid. If I had money and there was no running involved, I'd give it a go. But me and running haven't agreed with each other for a long time. Sad but true.