There have been worse times - South Melbourne 4 Sorrento 1

Jesse Daley returns to Lakeside after working for Kenny Lowe as a swineherd. 

What could be worse than the loss against Kingston last Sunday, a loss which singlehandedly destroyed the future of the club? How about staring at the result of four years' worth of work and being frozen with anxiety, seeing only an incoherent mess of academic jargon where academic clarity should be. Even food tasted like crap, the manoushe I bought was like cardboard, the hot jam doughnuts undercooked mush. Thank goodness the weather turned nasty at about 4:30 and that there was a South game to go to break me out of my funk.

One rather good burger and several beers later (which we had to a little while for because someone told the kitchen to open later than they should have), my mood immeasurably improved. A good turnout - or so I thought - but the bandwagon of the previous round was tempered a bit a feeling that we should win the game in front of us.

There were many surprises in store on the night. Jesse Daley was back! It appears that he didn't get the contract at Perth Glory, and possibly flying over on the same plane as the Sorrento players, he started this match on the bench. There was also the state of the Lakeside pitch, which was waterlogged in some parts, which surprised me because there have been other matches in which it has rained and the ground has held up much better than it did on Wednesday night. And there was also Tim Mala in the starting line up, but still no Michael Eagar. Luke Pavlou was out and Matthew Foschini was back in the middle. But there was also no time to make sense out of any of that, because we were in front after a minute or so, a goal I almost missed because of someone wanting to have a chat with me and picking a very bad moment to do it. But I did get to see Leigh Minopoulos putting up his goal when it was easy enough to make a meal out of that chance.

Leigh Minopoulos in action on Wednesday night. Photo. Mike Owen.

Look, does this game need much analysis? They had some freaky tall players, tried hitting us on the counter, managed to scramble their way forward close enough a few times, but that says more I think about what we're doing as a team at the moment than any potency Sorrento may have had. The wet surface helped us more than it did them, and we knocked the ball around pretty well, though Chris Taylor doesn't seem that impressed with some of the decision making. Which is fine with me, the players can be happy with themselves all they like, but it's a coach's prerogative to be inversely unhappy especially if he doesn't think that instructions have adequately followed.

The 2-0 halftime lead, which included one of our better moves for the season, finished off first time by the People's Champ was quite deserved. Of course people will point to the 'key incident' of the sending off of Sean Canham, but we had things under control before that, and while things theoretically could have changed in the second half I have my doubts that they would have.

To limit description of the red card only to Canham's receiving a second yellow does the whole farce a disservice. Apparently he'd mouthed off on our Facebook page, which is convenient for me because who gives a stuff about Facebook? Anyway, during the first half Nikola Roganovic did one of his silly leaving the ball too long and waiting for the striker to 'make' Nikola pick the ball up, and in shades of Palm Beach two years ago there was a collision between Roganovic and the opposition forward. This time we got away with it, as Canham was adjudged to have violently fouled our man and was given a yellow card for his troubles.

Kristian Konstantinidis slides in to challenge an opponent.
Photo: Matthew Jackson.

Fast forward to later on, when we were 2-0 up late in the first half and Canham was running toward goal when both he and his South opponent seemed to collide. I didn't think it was a foul myself, but it didn't seem like a dive either; it was a classic 'play on' call as far as I was concerned. But the ref, who was in a much better position than us to be fair, called it a dive and dished out a second yellow card to Canham, and he was off. Which was all well and good except that Canham couldn't get off the field because he'd actually snapped his Achilles tendon. Of course none us in the stand knew this at the time, and thus the 'keyboard warrior' taunt came out, as did the last post (or flailing parts thereof), and all sorts of other hostility. Which is perfectly understandable from our end, but the reaction of some our players at the time seemed a bit over the top. All of it was made farcical as Canham was taken off the ground in completely the wrong direction for some reason.

It was all a bit of a mess to be honest, though I can understand how the referee came to his decision on it being a dive - someone snapping their Achilles would go down as if they'd been shot, rather like someone going for a dive. Now the ref is probably not a medical professional, and I don't know if he can rescind or change his mind on these decisions, but it seems as if the circumstances conspired against him, and of course Canham and Sorrento, and we got the rub of the green on that one.

In the second half it's fair to say that we didn't extend ourselves too much, and pretty soon Sorrento ran out of gas and we were able to take off some players and give blokess like Stefan Zinni and Jesse Daley a bit of a run. It would've been nice to bury them by a few more goals, and we had the chances to do so. It would've also been nice not to concede, but we did, from exactly the kind of situation we expected to concede against this mob: from a corner. But Nick Epifano's second took the edge off that bit of very mild disappointment.

Post-match in the social club was a jovial affair, as we watched extra time of the Sydney Croatia vs Alexandros match. I wasn't emotionally invested in either team winning to be honest, but there was a definitely a more pronounced anti-Heidelberg feeling in the room. That's bound to happen not just because they are our eternal rival, but also because of some Bergers people who happened to be in attendance, as well as every time George Katsakis' face comes on TV it seems to aggravate our people, which is understandable.

With that match over and my raspberry lemonade finished, it was time to go, which meant missing my connecting train to Sunshine and sitting alone at Flagstaff, tired but content, and with a Nestle Crunch for company for at least a few minutes.

The draw for the next round is on Tuesday night after the completion of the fixtures for this round, and won't we all be excited for that.

Next game
An NPL Victoria semi final some time next week against one of Avondale, Green Gully or Bentleigh, probably at home.

And you want to be my latex salesman
Now you know I don't like any of this business, never have, never will, but I feel that we must make at least a little note about the crowd number.

The official attendance was announced as being 939, the lowest tally of the four matches on the night, and a figure well down on the 2,600 odd that apparently turned up to our match against Edgeworth.

That announcement seemed to surprise a few of our own, who felt that the real number was either a  bit higher or a lot higher than that.

And so they poured forth onto social media to defend the club against the storm of social media nobodies who were using the posted figure as a way of making fun of our A-League ambitions.

More power to everyone on that front, because neither love nor hate are strong enough on their own to make the social media world go round. You really do need both.

Our lovable larrikin prez was also on the case, posting up an explanation on Twitter for the apparent discrepancy in the figures, along with a demand to change the official record to reflect that 'fact'.

You didn't count the 890 that got scanned in from the social club side.
Crowd was just under 2000.
Please amend your records.

— Leo Athanasakis (@LAthanasakis) August 23, 2017

Speaking only for myself, I have no idea about these things. I counted the seats once in order to correct one myth about Lakeside's capacity that anyone could've (but hadn't) easily corrected years before. Everything else is operational matters, which are out my control.

Situations like this aren't helped when you're the club who a) have been running your mouth off for the last few months about how many members you have, and b) have a hard-earned reputation over many years (whether deserved or not) for fudging crowd numbers up, down and sideways.

More pertinent here is the fact that our patron entry procedures are a dog's breakfast, and that being the case it means that any attempt to count a crowd accurately are doomed from the outset.

It's times like this where I wish it was like Scottish football where there is no shame attached to this nonsense, and we could therefore just announce the crowd accurately every week, and nobody would care if it the number was high or low.

Let's Save Roberto Carlos' House!
There were reports in the media yesterday that our future A-League coach Roberto Carlos was going to be sentenced to a two year prison stint for failing to pay child support to his former partner, who is the mother of two his children.

Naturally, because I saw this news on Twitter, this was retweeted mercilessly with references to him not being able to coach us as was our agreement.Thankfully the actual sentence Carlos received was only three months, which should be a relief to everyone at South Melbourne For A-League HQ.

If we do get a fundraiser going we should get Troy McClure to host it.
You may remember him from such SMFC fundraisers as 'Save Our South'
and 'Let's get Fox Sports for the social club!'.
'

Me, I'm more concerned that someone who had played at some of the biggest clubs in the world for many years has found himself in this dire financial situation - with apparently six other children and another on the way!

What makes this situation even worse is that the solution he's looking for to solve his money problems is a job that won't turn up for at least another couple of years if it even exists at all.

But instead of making light of this situation, we should find a way to help out a guy in need. I'm thinking we should hold a fundraising night, which we could maybe host at the casino, tickets $300...

Final thought
I like Anthony Colangelo as a journo, Twitterer, and as an occasional acquaintance, but his non-corroborated spitting allegation... I don't know, man. He kinda went full Donald Sutherland, and you never go full Donald Sutherland.

Making people happy - Melbourne Knights 0 South Melbourne 2

Kristian Konstantinidis goes over the top of his Knights opponent.
Photo: Melbourne Knights.

In the match report for the last time these teams we played each other, I noted that it fit almost perfectly into Knights fans' ideas of how they always lose to us - that is, after dominating and creating a ton of chances, they concede some arsey goal and lose the game. Yesterday wasn't quite like that, but the second half had enough to make what was a middling game that much more enjoyable. Because while the three points are pleasant and useful, especially as we didn't play that well, the manner in which we won while not objectively pleasing on aesthetic, it was pleasing on the 'sick burn' front.

In terms of the lineup, Stefan Zinni was in for Jesse Daley, and Michael Eagar came back into the team after a two week absence replacing not Kristian Konstantinidis, but rather Luke Adams. Zinni would eventually get subbed off in the second half, while Konstantinidis did some good and less good things - the good being offering a real aerial threat from attacking set pieces, his high leap being a feature - but also perhaps choosing to dive in too often for my taste.

Assorted concerned citizens check to see if Knights' player Nikola Jurkovic
is OK. Photo: Melbourne Knights.

We started the game quite well, dominated the first half, and should have gone in to half time further ahead than the 1-0 scoreline. Still, Marcus Schroen's goal from 25-30 yards out was magnificent, especially because it got a deflection which added to the luck factor. Other than that, we weren't good enough in the final third against what has been a flimsy defensive line. Apart from a late flurry by Knights where they failed to take advantage of a Nikola Roganovic spill, the most notable thing to happen in the first half was a melee from a behind the scenes incident involving Schroen. That melee at least followed on from the melee during the under 20s game earlier on.

Tensions being so high, it was a credit to the South fans who took the banter of the flag waving Knights children and their calls of 'Hellas, up your arse' with such good grace. Luckily for us those fearsome future hooligans had vacated the area behind the southern goal, so we could move there for the second half and create a good effect for SMFC video, which is what it's all about these days.

The second half by us was not so good. We gave Knights far too much possession and territory, a lot of corners, and survived mostly thanks to a goal line clearance, the crossbar, and Knights' woeful finishing. As the match wore on however, I was not so concerned. As some of you may have observed, I've watched quite a few Knights games this season, and I became confident that they wouldn't score. On that point, someone noted that Jason Hicks is probably the only ex-player of ours in recent times who hasn't come back to haunt us, that must of course come with an asterisk because Hicks didn't actually play a game for us.

Cheer up CT! You're the manager of the winning team!
Photo: Melbourne Knights.

Watching through the goal net and the large black net, I probably had no idea how close Knights were actually getting to scoring. But even after the game's most controversial incident, I didn't think there would be cosmic justice directed Knights way. The incident in question was farcical even by Oz soccer officiating standards. A ball to the back post saw Lujic handle the ball in a contest, and Knights captain-coach Ben Surey assume that handball had been called - or that the ball had gone out, I'm not sure which - and catch the ball and get ready for a goal kick. The referee, having not called the Lujic handball, called a penalty for Surey's handling of the ball - which was still in the field of play - and then all sorts of confusion laughter and pleading broke loose.

Eventually the officials made the right decision and overturned the penalty, but who knows what their thought process was to get to that conclusion. After one more Knights chance, we eventually got our sealing goal. Good work by Brad Norton to take a throw in on the wing quickly when he might have chosen to slow play down, equally good work by the People's Champ to provide the option on the win catching the Knights' defense half asleep, and one decent cross to the back post later, Milos Lujic finishing it off with a header that snuck across the line at the opposite post.

All in all, a top night out despite the cold and the pretty small crowd, a Knights portion of which apparently started tearing into each other after the game, which is none of our business when I think about it. With Heidelberg's loss today, we've reclaimed top spot on goal difference from the Bergers. We're also equal on points with Bentleigh, but they have played an extra game compared to the top two.

Next game
Hume away on Saturday.

Gods and clods, and a bee in my bonnet
For the upcoming FFA Cup game against Edgeworth, one area I would've expected there to be unavoidable issues would've been access to the social club. I mean, the joint fits what, 300 people sitting and standing, which is perfectly acceptable for our bread and butter state league needs. But I didn't expect the club to shoot itself in the foot quite like this.

For you see, rather than opening up the social club early so that members and other people can arrive there early for a meal, the social club space has been set aside - from 5PM until 7PM - for a corporate event hosted by the club. While ordinary members and punters will be able to attend that function, it will set them back either $70 or $90 to do so.

This is especially galling for those like myself who have purchased a social club membership in part for the benefit of preferential access to the social club on busy days. The club is entitled to leverage off big match days in all sorts of ways. It should not aim to do so at the expense of ordinary members. If the club was worried about capacity, they could've taken reservations, with priority for social club members - after all, wasn't that the point of the social club membership?

There must be a very good reason why the club cannot host this function in the upstairs reception space, or as others have noted, in the President's Room itself where all these corporate big-shots and assorted one game wonders will end up anyway. I have not heard a good reason for this. If this is being done in the best interests of the club, isn't the club the membership? Are we that hard up for cash that the club feels it needs to effectively lock out members until as late as possible, unless they pay a supplementary fee?

Arguments that there's only a half hour difference to the amount of pre-game social club access people would usually get, and that an hour for the pleb supporter is enough, are outright nonsense. This is a midweek game, and much as it irks me to say this of the FFA Cup, it is a special occasion. People were looking forward to getting to the social club early on to spend more time there than they usually would, to buy more food and drink than they usually would, to be in the company of their fellow South fans for longer than they usually would.

Remarkably, without any prompting from South of the Border, several fans have sent emails to the club about this decision, and as long they are civil in their approach, I applaud the initiative. It probably won't change anything, but at least it lets the club know that there are people who aren't happy. I must admit I was appalled at one of the responses a fan received from president Leo Athanasakis, who asked the relevant fan 'where he got his information from?'. Well, it was from the information the club put out itself.

The most incomprehensible comment from the president (on Twitter) was that the social club doors would've otherwise opened only an hour and half before the game at the earliest. Is he implying that there would somehow not be enough interest from fans to turn up early, yet simultaneously enough interest that the club could charge a minimum $70 entry fee for early access? And furthermore, as one fellow pointed out to me during a discussion about this today, if this was a business networking opportunity thingamabob, why not have a cocktail party in the President's Room where people can actually move and you know, network?

I'm not one for taking up extreme and knee-jerk pro or anti board positions, but sometimes they need to cop a serious bake when they pull stunts like this. The good thing is that having not had a social club for seven years before this season, I'm well aware of what's on offer from the many quality restaurants and pubs on Clarendon Street and its surrounds. Those of you who are happy to stump up the cash for the club's function, have fun. Those who resent what's happened here can join the rest of us up the road somewhere, or you can sulk on the front steps.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on the matter. I've had my grumble.

Around the grounds
It's official - I am a distraction
Let's get the prosaic stuff out of the way. Essendon Royals (coached by Michael Curcija) have even lower credibility than the rump state that was late Byzantium. Altona East (coached by Alan Davidson) at least have access to a proper ground, even if they're lower on the table and looking likely for relegation after losing this fairly dud game 1-0. East also have better souvs, which shouldn't need to be said, but so does every club who doesn't put tasty cheese on them which congeals while the pre-made souvs wait in the bain marie. Here's where it gets a bit weird. Me and a few other blokes decided to watch the game from the behind the goals East was attacking in each half. Ormond Park is an open ground, with various combination of string and portable metal barriers spread out to act as a marker for where spectators should stand behind. First half, stood behind one of those barriers. Second half, stood behind one of those barriers. No problem. Until about 70 minutes in that is, when referee Harry Milas decided that our small group was a distraction to him. We were behind the arbitrary fence line, we weren't talking loudly or to the Royals goalkeeper, but yet we were told to move about ten metres to the right. It ruined a perfectly adequate afternoon of boredom.

Final thought
Rumour has it that a certain rotund lovable larrikin, having decided to go up to Sydney for the Arsenal tour, and having made a 'Wenger out' banner at some expense, ended up having nowhere to put this expensive banner at the game.

Making up ground - South Melbourne 1 Hume City 0

Leigh Minopoulos had a good game on Sunday. Photo: Hume City.

Such has been the season thus far that I don't know what to expect from South Melbourne in any given game. Most surprisingly, in this game we actually played pretty well. It was an open game, but while we gave Hume the first good chance of the game via Nick Hegarty, after that there was little doubt that we were the better team - at least until about the 60th minute or so.

Shaking off last week's mediocre performance, Leigh Minopoulos looked particularly good on the right hand side. Matthew Millar continues to frustrate, but in the past few weeks he's managed to be more effective. His effort never drops below a high level, but his skill level lets him down too often - to my mind, it's almost like watching an Aussie rules player playing soccer - remarkable endurance and desire for the contest, but lacking the kind of proficiency.

Nevertheless, he was skillful enough to control the rebound of a Nick Epifano cross, slotting the ball into the corner and giving us a deserved lead. While we continued to press for another goal, the game then became mired in sloppy tackles and bad officiating. Before we'd scored, Milos Lujic - who seems to be slowly coming back to form, even though he didn't score here - should have been awarded a penalty after LITERALLY BEING WRESTLED TO THE GROUND.

I cannot fathom how it wasn't given. Amazingly, that was the least of the ref's stuff ups, as he then started letting retaliation go unpunished, and we all know what happens when you do that - players start taking that as a license to act like dickheads. You give some of those blokes an inch, and they'll take a mile. It didn't end up with people coming to blows, as can happen in the worst case scenarios, but it did up becoming a tit-for-tat affair in that regard.

Matthew Millar's placement for the winning goal was pretty precise.
Photo: Hume City.

Former South defender Brian Bran got two yellow cards (both justified, and oddly enough both for fouls, not irrelevant nonsense), and then, for who knows what reason, the team started playing as if we were down to nine men and needing to preserve the lead at all costs. It wasn't that Hume played particularly well, though like many sides down to ten men but still only a goal down, they lifted their intensity accordingly. It was more the fact that our side had lost the plot completely.

Those last 25 minutes were bizarre in how frantic our play was, being unable to make our numerical advantage count either in terms of fitness, or in tactics, or in psychology. While some have chosen to single out the People's Champ for having an especially poor last half hour or so after having up to that point played quite well - the whole midfield basically disappeared, and the defense was able only to to give the ball back to our opponents.

To their credit, for the most part the South defense did very well in keeping Hume from creating meaningful chances. Watching the highlights, Attila Offli's late chance looked much more dangerous than it probably was in real time, with Nikola Roganovic cutting down the angles well, forcing Offli to shoot over the top and over the bar. Set pieces were the only other major threat presented by Hume, and for the most part they were not up to scratch despite an array of options (OK, at least two) they didn't do very much with any of their set pieces.

Perhaps the circumstances were such that direct play was considered their main chance at scoring, but it's been a while since I've seen a Hume side play that direct. I suppose if you have a big body like Liam Boland up front, there are worse plans, but considering our defensive weakness continues to be primarily against teams who play the ball on the ground, it was a strange choice to be so adamant on that singular approach. That they had any say in the matter is the disappointing thing. A second goal - and we still managed to create chances - would have killed this off properly. (see Knights vs Oakleigh in 'around the grounds' for an example of what happens when you do this)

Whatever happened, the result went our way, making it three wins in a row, and four games unbeaten in the league. It's a step closer to the top six, just two (!) games away from the top of the table, and just as importantly, three points away from the playoff relegation spot. While one can obsess about the largely self-inflicted near self-destruction, we shouldn't forget the first hour or so, where we played our best football of the season against a side that will be near be there or thereabouts come season's end.

Extra-curricular activities
The game was marred - I don't know if that's the right word to use, but let's go with it for the time being - by a sort of competitive 'trumpet off' between South's own Harry and some of the visiting Hume fans. Now in the interests of less inaccuracy (rather than old fashioned and rather dull 'accuracy'), we should note that there were no trumpets used. As Harry has made clear in the past, he does not play a trumpet, but rather a bugle. As for the relevant Hume persons, they were playing what sounded like prerecorded tunes through a megaphone. Why they were allowed to use a megaphone I don't know, but for those who find one messily played bugle too much to handle, it was beyond the pale so to speak.

It created a sort of carnival of horrors vibe, albeit in broad daylight and without all the trappings necessary for the full effect to take hold, such as rides which I wouldn't go on if you paid me, dodgy games of skill (notwithstanding the team's efforts in the last 25 minutes), and an overwhelming sense of impending doom which could just be nausea from eating way too much junk food. However, one did as one is forced to do in many things Australian soccer, and just put up with it.

Unfortunately at the end of the game near the players race, some rather more distasteful scenes reportedly happened. As I was keen to get in and out of the social club as quickly as possible so I could go home, I didn't see what happened; thus I'm not going to repeat specific allegations of what allegedly happened. I will note that the overwhelming consensus seems to be that the blame for whatever occurred should rest on a minority of Hume's supporters, and not with the South fans in the vicinity, who were there to celebrate with our players after a win, as has become the custom at the reconfigured Lakeside.

Next game
At home this Wednesday night against NPL 2 side Box Hill United in the FFA Cup. Entry for all patrons will be via the social club entrance. Prices for non-members are $10 adult, $7 concession. I was a bit surprised to see that the club chose to stream the game against Hume City live on Facebook - I'm not sure if at this stage they'll be doing the same for this match, but I suppose it's possible.

For those wondering about entry in general
It seems to be that for most games the club will be employing only the social club entry. For games likely to have a bigger attendance, Gate 2 will be opened for non-South members. If you're in any doubt about what the arrangement will be for any given week, your best bet is to keep up to date with the club's social media accounts. This is likely due to cost saving in not needing to employ several State Sports Centre Trust staff members for a superfluous gate on fixtures not likely to draw too many people; of course the club would also see the benefit of, where possible, funneling people through the social club.

While I've found the service in the social club to be improving week
 on week, our mate Dave had a bit of trouble getting his
 chicken burger delivered in a timely manner.

Continuing social club musings
One of the more unforeseen happenings - especially considering that even though it's a new social club, it's still in the same location as the old one - is how disorienting it feels coming out of the social club and all of a sudden having a game about to start.

Anyway, in line with the advice of one of the board members, along with a bit of common sense (I know, I know), my approach on critiquing the social club operation has been to give the people running the social club a solid month or so to settle into their rhythms, before one goes into a more delirious mode of criticism.

Not that I would ever be anything other than meticulously fair in my criticism, of course.

As the social club meal service begins to settle down, things are beginning to gently hit their stride. This week for example the full menu was available throughout the day. Thus one could go 'traditional' and go for a souv - which seemed to get larger and larger each time I looked at one coming out of the kitchen - or one could go a bit more nouveau riche and go for something like the salmon. I had the plain burger this week, and I was not disappointed. There's talk also that there'll be further tweaks to the menu as a whole; even this week, the meat platter that was served to patrons differed from the one that was served last week.

Provisional things that I learned from this week included:

• While it's self-evident to a degree, the earlier you get there to order a meal, the better. This seems to go for everything except souvs, which seem to be done pretty quickly no matter what time of day you order one. I haven't stayed behind for long after a game yet, so I can't comment on the speed of meal service after a game.
• Probably the worst time to order food would be around the time the kitchen is preparing the post-match feed for the curtain raiser match, which also coincides with when the majority of people rock up to the venue.
• If something's taking a bit too long or isn't quite up to your satisfaction, don't be shy in taking it up with staff in a respectful manner. They seem to be pretty keen to impress and make people feel at home.
• Be prepared for the occasional bout of confusion between sit down and take away meals.
• The in-house music is at best only marginally better than what's played outside. Still, if they include naff retro gems like this every now and again, I'm not going to complain too much.
• Do not lean back on your chair, do not twist your body such that you twist the chair, and basically do not sit on any of the chairs in any way that would be classified as improper chair usage. 

A social club suggestion

This wasn't my idea, but it's worth a mention - a hall of fame for everyone who has accidentally broken one of the chairs in the social club. 

A little something about the rules of the game (something which will come back to haunt me)
Here's a decent video from FFV - which I wish had been promoted a bit harder - explaining changes to certain rules that have been implemented this season, including denial of an obvious goal scoring opportunity, or what is colloquially (and incorrectly) known as the 'last man' rule. It's certainly worth a look for any follower of the game.

How appealling!
The club appealed Kristian Konstantinidis' six month ban and somehow got it reduced to a 16 match ban, which could see Konstantinidis return to action sometime in July instead of a week or two before the grand final. Something to do with the difference between a single photograph and a video.

It's not easy being a South fan these days, but there are moments which are
more spiritually alienating than others. One of those involves finding
 yourself wearing your South scarf or other merchandise in a crowd of footy
 fans, as is often the case for those like me who use public transport. After
 the Hume game I found myself at Southern Cross Station inadvertently
 mingling with  the mainstream masses who had just left the St Kilda vs
 Geelong game at Docklamds. At least no one mistook me for a
 North Melbourne fan.

Around the grounds
If Jason Hicks played for Bentleigh, he'd be scoring those sitters, ala Tyson Holmes
Having waited until almost the latest possible moment to see if Knights had put up their video from last week's game, I admitted defeat and decided to head out to Somers Street for their match against Oakleigh. I geared up for my usual attempt to hustle my way into the car park for free courtesy of my media pass, but there was no one manning the gate. The reserves game had been called off due to the state of the pitch, but the senior match would go ahead. While the ref had decided the senior match could and would go ahead, both teams were apparently more than happy for the match to have been postponed. Five minutes into a game that would be affected by uneven and dead bounces and unsure footing, Knights would have wished that the ref had called it off. Knights goalkeeper Fraser Chalmers, who should've been sent off last for Bruce Lee antics, got sent off for fouling Nate Foster - who I am always shocked to learn is back in Victoria - who was through on goal and sure to score. So Knights were down to ten men, and down a goal courtesy of the resulting penalty. And yet they proceeded to produce three great chances, at least one of which should've ended up in an equaliser. None of them did, and Oakleigh got a second before halftime, another just after halftime, and three more for good measure to inflict a pretty demoralising defeat on the home side.

When it rains, it pours, metaphorically speaking
The next day, I was at Westgate vs Banyule, looking at the sky and wondering why I hadn't brought my umbrella - and whether it was worth going home to get, and whether I'd bother to return if it started raining. As to the game itself, both defenses were pretty ordinary, but Banyule had a plan going forward and Westgate didn't. That doesn't explain everything that went wrong for the home side, but it's as good a start as any. Banyule were also more skillful than their opponents, and didn't get a man sent off for threatening to rape the 'mum, dad, brother and sister' of an opponent. All up it finished a ridiculous 8-3 to Banyule - a scoreline so absurd, and a margin so comfortable, that one of the Banyule players was able to periodically receive updates on the Footscray-Brisbane match from a mate on the sideline. How very Melbourne.

Final thought
While Lisa De Vanna is clearly a class or two above the WNPL, she's still a joy to watch. It's well worth making some time to watch her play while she's with us. And that's not a slight on the rest of the team either - there's some good up-and-comers in the squad, many of them surprisingly young and with improvement yet to come.

Life During Wartime - Oakleigh Cannons 1 South Melbourne 0

It was a week that started off badly, and ended much, much worse. In between those things, there was a soccer match of a moderately pleasing quality, at least in the first half.

The whole of the ball? Impossible to tell. Oakleigh goalkeeper John Honos
 manages to scoop out Liam McCormack's effort on goal, to the satisfaction
of the official - which is the end, is all that matters. Photo: Cindy Nitsos.

Oakleigh came into the game with players the calibre of Goran Zoric, Dimi Hatzimouratis and Shayan Alinejad sitting on the bench. It also looked like Adrian Chiapetta and Steve Pantelidis had played in the 20s game beforehand. Meanwhile for South, there was no Brad Norton (injury), no Nick Epifano (still suspended), no Kristian Konstantinidis (suspended for six months), and no Leigh Minopoulos (work commitments). Added to that was Marcus Schroen coming back from injury, and not looking exactly right, and things looked grim from the outset.

And yet we almost pinched the lead, after an error by John Honos in goal for Oakleigh saw Liam McCormack's (necessarily rushed) shot from range hit the crossbar. From a distance it looked like it was going miles wide or over, only to fall at the last second - but not by enough. McCormack also had the misfortune of having his header near the goal line scooped off the line - or from behind the line - by Honos, denying him a goal and South the lead. It was rather reminiscent of McCormack's late effort against Avondale earlier this season, where he was denied dramatically by Chris Oldfield.

They were our best chances for the game. Not that we didn't get into dangerous areas - especially in the first half - but that killer cross or final ball let us down - which is as much a sign of poor confidence as it is skill. For their part, even though they hadn't won a league game up to that point, Oakleigh's confidence was very high, and they had shots rattle off the bar from range as well as shots cleared off the line. Overall, Nikola Roganovic had the more serious interventions to make of the two goalkeepers.

The South Melbourne women continued on their winning ways, defeating
Southern United 3-1 out at Langwarrin. Photo: Cindy Nitsos.

While several people have commented that the standard was poor, especially by us, I thought the first half was the most skillful and entertaining half of soccer I'd seen all season. It was open, end to end stuff, with daring play. We relied more on the counter, and looked good until the final ball, and sometimes the one before that - the absence of Norton and Minopoulos on the left being keenly felt.

The second half from our point of view was not as good. What were in the first half long balls sent into space and promising numerical situations, subsided into long balls because of no idea what else to do. Or so it seemed. And then Oakleigh's goal came, from Dean Piemonte in the most frustrating manner possible. Well known for his long range thunderbolts, Piemonte was lining up for such a shot, and with South hearts in mouths, a South defender rushed up to block. Unfortunately, because that defender slid down to make his tackle, Piemonte deftly evaded the challenge and chipped the ball over Roganovic and under the crossbar. It was an outrageous effort, and demonstrative of the difference between one team with four points and another team with four points up to that point.

Our chance to get back in the contest went badly wrong towards the end of the game, when a blocked long range shot inadvertently sent Oakleigh's Nate Foster into space, and threatening to go one on one with Roganovic. Luke Pavlou, playing in the left back role, did well to keep up with Foster, but got tangled up with the star striker, receiving a red card for his efforts. It seemed a very harsh decision on first glance, as if Foster had initiated the contact. The replays have not convinced me of Pavlou's guilt, and that at best it was an unfortunate tangle of legs that was no one's fault.

While giving up chances on the counter in our quest to go forward and try and snare an equaliser, it's not like we didn't have the Oakleigh defense scrambling, pressing right until the end. Last year something may have come off - this year, there's no way it would. It wasn't helped by sloppy attempts at play by substitutes Andy Kecojevic and Gavin De Niese - the latter's late attempt at goal was poor in both execution and decision making, being a very long way out and taken while being completely off balance.

In the current situation, with losses mounting up - especially considering our difficulty to put goals on the board - even well fought losses are little consolation. Suspensions and injuries haven't helped, but if that was all that was wrong with the team, you'd just ride out a difficult period and move on. Some have suggested that playing so many games away has hurt, and while it probably hasn't helped, most of those grounds have been in good nick as befits the early part of the season. I'm wanting to believe that there's a way out of this mess, and that it will come soon - but each week that passes, whether we put in the hard yards or not, sees us fall short, with the exceptions of the St Albans and Eastern Lions games.

My frustration is gradually becoming disconsolation.

The lowest common denominator
After the game, there was the usual hyper-negative banter being made by a small minority that the team 'should take their shirts off' and that they 'hadn't even tried'. Whatever one's thoughts on the usefulness of such commentary, on Friday night it was daft in its own right because the team had clearly busted a gut. It was half a team out there, with Schroen on one leg, down to ten men, fighting until the end. I get that people have different points of view on a game, but I can't for the life of me see how one could come to the conclusion that the team didn't put in a huge effort on Friday night.

Unfortunately, the situation moved on from mere banter to a brawl among our own fans. Despite being in the vicinity, I couldn't tell how it escalated so quickly and after that, who was doing what to whom. There has been discussion about what kicked things off properly and who did what in other places - but I am not going to speculate on that. All I will say on the matter is that apart from being disgusted and distraught watching the scene unfold, I give credit to those involved who tried to deescalate the situation, and those who tried to restrain those who were intent on violence.

Because of the seriousness of some of the allegations, I will not be allowing any comments on this post, nor any further comments on this issue in any other comment section of any post. This is especially so because most people choose to post here anonymously, and I have no way of verifying who is who. If you did witness the events and wish to make your view of it known, the best thing for you to do is contact the club directly and provide a statement.

Next game
After being drawn at home in the FFA Cup against Monbulk Rangers, some of our supporters were looking forward to both a relatively easy passage to the next round, and the chance to see a home game with the newly finished social club as an added attraction.

Then the club decided to reverse the fixture, which will be now hosted by Monbulk on Tuesday at their recently redeveloped ground. That did not go down well with South fans, including the self-appointed nomarch of the South Melbourne Hellas Public Transport Faction.

But once one calmed down one could, even if only begrudgingly, see why the club had done this. My guesses are:

1. Avoid mucking up carefully laid social club launch plans. 
2. Get the game out of the way.
3. Get the Peoples Champ's five game spitting suspension over quicker.
4. Have one day where the team don't have to look for a training venue.
5. Goodwill gesture to lower league club.

It's not an ideal situation for our supporters, but if this is the worst thing that happens this year, we'll be counting ourselves lucky.

This week's annoyances - wobbly kickoff times
The Oakleigh game started twenty minutes late. I do not know why it started twenty minutes late. What is the point of having a scheduled kickoff time if it is going to be wantonly disregarded? This is of course especially bad for people like me who depend on public transport to get to most matches, and for whom a delay of such magnitude can lead to cascading delays in getting home. it's also not the first time this has happened this year, with me personally experiencing significant delays at five games already this season. Twice at South games (Heidelberg and Oakleigh), twice at Chaplin Reserve, and once yesterday at Castley Reserve. I don't understand what's made this most basic of requirements an issue all of a sudden in 2017.

This week's annoyances - the passive offside rule

Just get rid of it completely and go back to the hard and fast offside rule. This newest interpretation of passive offside is a nightmare for everyone involved.

The dialectics of terrace banter

Former South championship player Iqi Jawadi was playing for Oakleigh, which created debate among some as to whether he should be booed or not, including whether he was worth it. The situation was resolved by people booing him and then shouting 'worthy!', which seemed to be the best solution.

'Bumgate' - Konstantinidis banned for six months

Kristian Konstantinidis has been banned for six months for sticking his finger up a St Albans player's arse. That means his season is effectively over. I don't know if the length of the punishment is warranted - how do you even make a judgment on something like this? - but comparing it to a bad tackle or a fight or any one of the many other things that may happen during a match doesn't help clarify things.

Apart from losing one of our most important players due to a completely unnecessary act - one which I think most would struggle to justify - I have been disappointed by another aspect of the fallout, and that has been the targeting by some of our fans of Dion Fountas, the photographer who captured the moment. The justifications for targeting Fountas have been bizarre. A match photographer takes a photo of something that happens during a match, a match being played in front of hundreds of people - and somehow he's been targeted under some nonsense idea of censorship, and even been threatened with being banned from Lakeside.

Mind you, many of those same people targeting him now were happy to make use of Fountas' photos from the Victory game last year, praising him for taking and uploading his photos. Those same fans were happy to send videos to the commercial networks of the Victory hooligans. The same thing has happened in regards to radio broadcasts of games. When MFootball narrated the Victory incident, and made it abundantly clear to the audience that it was Victory fans at fault, our fans were stoked. But if the shoe is on the other foot, will some of us take umbrage of coverage of our own bouts of misbehaviour? Is it the act that is the problem, or merely the perpetrator? If it's the latter, it becomes hard to legitimately take the moral high ground on anything afterwards - you've effectively made it an issue of self-interest or self-preservation.

Aside from all of that, the idea that it was a brain fade by Konstantinidis doesn't seem right to me - this doesn't seem to be the kind of thing you do on a whim. If it was, he was horribly unlucky to be caught in the act in the only time he had ever attempted the maneuver. Of course, when the story was published by some major media outlets, the comments went through the roof. Probably not the kind of metrics the club was looking for though.

Social club news
Put it in your diary: 2017 SMFC Jersey Night, April 7th, 7:00PM. Venue...

THE SOUTH MELBOURNE HELLAS SOCIAL CLUB.

Contact the club directly if you wish to go. If you can't make it or choose not to, there'll be a family day the day after.

Around the grounds
An orange ticket for the man with the orange hair.
Westgate's pavilion is being torn down and replaced with a new one, so in 2017 they're playing their home games at Castley Reserve, which probably hasn't senior soccer for a very long time. Nevertheless, it's good for me, because it's within two minutes walking distance of my place. Yaraville took a 3-0 lead into the break, and looked to be cruising past a borderline inept Westgate. The second half saw Yarraville take its sweet time finishing the game, waiting until Westgate had pulled two goals back before making sure of it with a 4-2 win. I didn't win the raffle.

Final thought
This was one of those weeks where I regret having part of my self-esteem attached to the fortunes of this club.

Speaking of which... - Bentleigh Greens 2 South Melbourne 2

Well, we matched it with them for about 20 minutes, and then we didn't, and we copped two goals and we looked done like a dinner, And then we somehow dug our way of that, not without a bit of luck, and almost snatched it.

Some of those banners are not very NCIP friendly. A good thing that it was
'erase racism' round. Photo: Cindy Nitsos.

Nick Epifano is a hell of a frustrating player. In the first half he was nowhere near it really, and was directly involved in the first goal we conceded, after he dithered in midfield and lost the ball, from which Bentleigh countered and scored while we had numbers committed forward. What was worse was that the danger from such half-heartedness was already apparent, after Milos Lujic had earlier stopped dead waiting for a referee's whistle that never came, sending Bentleigh on their way.

To be fair to Epifano he was not playing in his more suited wide positions, and neither did I think he that had the capacity to pull himself out of his lacklustre performance - and to be even fairer, he was hardly alone in the slack arse stakes in the first half. The whole side picked up their work rate, and the performance improved considerably, and Epifano was a huge part of that, so credit where it's due.

Less credit to David Stirton who hasn't quite lived up to my expectations yet. I've been defending him over the past few weeks despite his sluggish form from the attacks of my favourite hill and terrace loud mouth, but last night Stirton had a shocker. Subbed at half time - as part of an atypical Chris Taylor early double sub roll of the dice - his replacement Andy Brennan if nothing else provided the kind of grunt work that Stirton would not. Whether Stirton gets a reprieve for next week is anyone's guess.

Lujic is beginning to annoy a section of the supporters - this writer included - with his tendency to now play for fouls and not play to the whistle. The aforementioned incident was a perfect example, and even the penalty that we got was in that realm. Looking at the replay, he does get clipped, but the possibility that he was milking it has now entered my mindset and it's going to be hard for me to shrug off. Of course for others this is less of an issue, and they may even applaud Lujic for winning the foul, because there was contact and he made the most of it to the benefit of the team. And what of last year's game, where we were denied a much more obvious penalty? Swings and roundabouts.

Epifano's equaliser - which was well worked, though I think Alistair Bray could have done better if he'd just stood his ground - set up a show stopper of finale, where the Greens were denied a goal late on for reasons I'm not aware of, Tyson Holmes didn't score against us, and Lujic seemed to pull up with cramp just as the ball sat up for him to snatch the winner in the last seconds of the game. Both teams can play better, but I think we have more improvement left in us than Bentleigh, and more than the point we got out of the game, that's what makes me happiest - despite being very unhappy with our performance for large chunks of the game.

Next week
Heidelberg away.

Could we have had Eagar earlier?
Overhead a story yesterday that prior to joining us last year, Michael Eagar had previously trialled with us in 2013, only to be rejected.

Wavelength: 495–570 nm
My, wasn't the Kingston Heath surface looking particularly verdant last night? Maybe because someone - either the local council or the home team themselves - had it painted green! It seems as if South's team manager Frank Piccione has had a horror time trying to get the green paint off the white uniforms. Brad Norton has claimed that even after three showers, he still looks like the Grinch! More seriously, why was there paint on the field? What was the paint on the field? And who's going to reimburse us in the event that the paint has left permanent stains on the uniforms? Speaking of things green and not being what they claim to be...

Truly, the most overrated of foodstuffs in the league
Ten dollars doesn't get you very far in the south-east. Oh, in parts of the west it can get you both a meat filled roll and a soft drink, but out there in the middle of nowhere, you're left with no change from a tenner after you purchase your meat and bread product. But that's OK, as it's part of the experience of travelling to overhyped football tourist spots like FoxSports Souvlaki Stadium. What's less than acceptable is being charged ten bucks for what is essentially a bread pocket half filled with lettuce so devoid of flavour that it felt not like I was eating discarded grass clippings, but instead munching on leftover parts of the synthetic turf they used for the second pitch. Speaking of which...

Segment rescinded due to ongoing investigation
Because sometimes you gotta sure make of a few details before going off half-cocked.

Lead singer: No there's no substitute for you.
Backing singer: No substitute, no substitute!
While it escaped my attention during our last league game away to Werribee, last night while looking at the team sheets on Twitter it became very clear that we did not have a substitute keeper listed. My mind immediately went back to the 2000 Scottish FA Cup final, where Aberdeen played Rangers, a task made much harder for Aberdeen due to the fact that they had no substitute keeper. Well what do you know, their keeper Jim Leighton went off injured and they had to use one of their outfield players in goal. It didn't turn out so well.

Now when Roganovic went down heavily in the six yard box yesterday, it looked like we were in big, self-inflicted trouble. Now I had overheard that under these quite plainly unacceptable circumstances, Kristian Konstantinidis would be the outfield player to take up the gloves. But of course he's out injured. So what was going to be Plan Z exactly? Poor organisation by the club on all fronts on this matter, thought its comforting to know that we've reverted to our habit of signing 101 midfielders. Luckily Roganovic managed to get up and continue. But speaking of Gonzo...

Kristian Konstantinidis out for season?
It looks like Gonzo's out for the entire season now, or at least a huge chunk of it. Since much of our plan for this year seemed to hinge on Michael Eagar playing a central defensive role, what would be the back up plan if that couldn't be arranged because Eagar needed to played in defence? Perhaps new recruit Dane Milovanovic could fill in that role - but is he even fit? Murmurings around the ground suggest that he is not.

Dockerty Cup opponent
We've been drawn against the plucky cup outfit North Sunshine Eagles. North Sunshine have a habit of punching above their weight in the cup, most recently eliminating Sunshine George Cross on penalties after their game finished 6-6 after extra time - including coming back from 6-4 down with nine men.

Hey Martin Foley, where's the social club? (via smfcboard)
"He said the wheels were in motion, but there was no motion. He's a very bad man"

Around the grounds
Three times is a trend
This week was the first game of the league season for the state leagues, and I ventured out to the Paisley Park derby. Neither of these two sides had apparently shown much during the pre-season. Altona East were lucky to avoid relegation last year, thanks to Moreland City accepting promotion to NPL. 2015 hadn't started much better, being bundled out of the Dockerty Cup by lowly Riversdale. For their part, Altona Magic had reportedly recruited heavily with a view to getting into the NPL, only for that door to be shut by the FFV for this year. Magic, too, had been bundled out of the cup by Berwick. The game started in typical derby fashion, with a lot of strong tackling, but eventually Magic went on to take control of the match. That they ended winning this game because of pretty much scoring the same goal three times doesn't reflect well on Altona East. Each time the ball was lofted into the area, each time confusion reigned in the East defence, with the keeper and defenders at sixes and sevens. OK, so the second of the third goals was an own goal, but that was the only outlier. East did pull it back to 2-1 early in the second half, but never really threatened again after that. Echoing last year's 'Robin Egg Blue' fiasco, Ian Syson decided that the colour of Magic's away strip was 'banana yellow' (as in the skin, not the flesh), whereas I argued it was the colour of an egg rich custard. It was that kind of day.

Oh, and my hair has apparently changed colour again. I blame the sun.

Final thought
There was some, er, 'arousal' in among the crowd there last night. Perhaps it's best to leave it at that.

Just made it - Werribee City 1 South Melbourne 2

Waiting in the car park for 20 minutes for the delayed Steve from Broady at Newport station meant getting to the outskirts of Galvin Park with only about five minutes until kickoff in the senior game. Parking a good half kilometre down the road was made worse when one South bloke known to us here at South of the Border managed to rock up and nab a space near the old front gate. At Galvin Park itself, once we walked past the various cricket finals being played, it looked like space had been cleared and fenced off for the construction of something new, but I'm not sure we needed to be forced to go around an extra 50 metres to get in to a makeshift entrance. One bloke looking to pay to get in almost handed me ten bucks by accident.

Even if there was no sign of the stand they're planning to build on the outer side - and who are we to judge, we who've been missing a social club for nearly five years now - at least the scaffolding was already set up by the home club this time. A couple of blokes recommend the chicken schnitzel burger, which while not containing any mayo, is apparently a nice thick piece of bird, with a flavourful crumb - and best of all, no need to wait, as they have them ready and waiting. Ten minutes later Gains and I are still waiting for them to make the schnitzel rolls, so at least they're fresh, but watching the game through the canteen's window, covered by a protective metal grill, is hardly ideal, but useful as training run for when my one remaining working retina decides to give up the ghost.

It was nearly impossible to tell what the hell was going on for those first five or ten minutes, but at least the roll once made was good, even if it wasn't as herbed and spiced as I'd been lead to believe, which could have been another in the long list of life's disappointments, except for the fact that it only costs $6 and chicken schnitzels rolls are usually terrible, having sat in a bain marie for five hours with the crumbing going soggy and the processed chicken tasting like a discarded piece of rubber.

Getting to a game late throws me right off its rhythm, and it took me a little while to realise that Tim Mala had gone off injured in the first five minutes, replaced by Andy Kecojevic who went into midfield while Bonel 'Bones' Obradovic slotted into Mala's right back spot. Apparently we'd been on the back foot early on, but we seemed to have wrested control of this game from that point on.

Now short corners, Yes, we scored off of one, and I tell you one of the reasons this happened - because unlike our usual routines of making it completely obvious that we were going to take a short corner - usually playing to just in front of the corner flag - it was played quickly to the edge of the 18 yard box, where Iqi Jawadi's shot managed to somehow elude everyone and go into the back of the net for hist first goal in an official South game.

Fantastic, great result for both Iqi and short corners. Of course, as Homer Simpson once noted, a short corner is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another short corner! So of course we tried another of these later in the game, same routine and all - unfortunately we coughed the ball up, and because we had over committed players forward, had only ten fit players on the park anyway, Werribee shot the ball down the other end when it would have been better for us to play more conservatively.

But all that happened much later. Nick Epifano who was working hard got fair fair reward for effort when he was fed through on goal and chipped the ball over the keeper with a first time shot. A goal from a short corner and someone scoring for us without needing to take fifteen million touches. What a day this was turning out to be. 2-0 up at the break and all sorts of miraculous things happening. Unfortunately Kristian 'Gonzo' Konstantinidis had to go off with an in jury he picked up late in the first half, and thus Michael Eagar had to go back from defensive mid into centreback.

While we managed to keep creating breaks going forward, we started tiring - a persistent problem which we all hope will be gradually overcome as the season wears on, with us needing to peak later this year rather than right at the start - and Werribee starting winning the midfield battle. Leigh Minopoulos was brought as fresh legs but struggled, Obradovic started to lose his way a bit in his unfamiliar role, and Kecojevic started cramping up with no subs left and 20 odd minutes to play.

The home team scored to make things worse, and if not for Michael Eagar's heroics in defense, clearing time and time again, we wouldn't have been able to hold on for all three points. Even with with Eagar's desperate efforts though, we had to rely on the crossbar to save us in the 94th minute of the game, with the relevant Werribee player first exultant and then devastated that his effort failed to hit the mark.

Very impressive performance by @KecojevicAndy in the @Smfc win today pic.twitter.com/0NWyillyvO
— NPL Vic Football (@NPLVic_Football) March 8, 2015

Considering the injuries we copped, the re-shuffling required, and effectively playing with only ten men for the last 20 minutes or so, I'm stoked we got the three points. Fitness is still an issue for the tine being, but there was more evidence that the team is beginning to gel. I was especially pleased to see how Kecojevic scarcely looked out of place in a senior game.

Next week
We enter the Dockerty Cup - or FFA Cup qualifiers to those of you who are part of the FFV (and lizard people, natch) conspiracy to deflate the importance of the Dockerty Cup. We'll be playing State League 3 team Whittlesea United, who pulled off a 3-2 upset against State League 1's Clifton Hill. The date and time are yet to be confirmed, but this will be an interesting affair not only to see which depth players get more of a go, but also because former South NSL and VPL championship winner, the much loved Tansel Baser, is the Whittlesea United captain.

Teach a man to fish...
There's been a little bit of discussion recently over the FFV's decision to provide video cameras to every NPL club in order for them to film their games and provide the footage for a weekly online compilation. Those on the negative side seem to be of the opinion that as the footage from most of those games comes across as unprofessional, that rather than enhancing the product for luring potential sponsors, it actually damages the game.

I can certainly see the validity in such thinking. The footage provided so far in the NPL1 highlights packages in particular varies from the very good to the abjectly dire. A lot of this is clearly down to who's operating the camera on any given day, and I would have hoped (though I don't know for sure) that merely giving the cameras to the clubs was not the end point, but that FFV may also supplement that with some sort of training. But some of the problems with the quality of the footage fall outside individual camera operators. How many times have even those clubs who have funded their own video productions (South, Knights, Hume, etc) been hampered by the lack of suitable media facilities, such as basic scaffolding creating an elevated vantage point? Or being unable to get clear footage - and this goes for photographers as well - because the lighting isn't up to scratch?

@PaulMavroudis I hate it for the same reason
— Pave Jusup (@PaveJusup) March 8, 2015

While some have called for the hiring of professional videographers to undertake this task, I am of the opposite opinion. By giving the clubs the basic tools - and that would ideally include some training - it provides the opportunity for the clubs and some of their members themselves to learn new skills. This is not merely about outsourcing the problem to someone else, but getting the clubs to take responsibility for their own promotion. The clubs that take the time to make the most of the opportunity will hopefully get the most out of it, while those who don't will mostly be hurting themselves.

Finally, the call for a return of a weekly live video streamed game, while well intentioned, seems to me to miss the point. Regardless of how much you publicise a live stream, the audience will be minuscule unless it's for a very high profile contest, something like last year's FFA Cup games. And whether or not live streaming actually manages to get an audience, the focus at this level of competition should be on getting people to games, paying money at the gate and spending at the canteen. More people at games also creates its own better atmosphere, encouraging people to come back the next time. Few people want to spend a couple of hours at a game with only a bunch of old men and the odd relative of a player; but if more people go to games, it by itself creates a more homely and exciting experience.

Around the grounds
They tried to make me the new Steve from Broady and failed.
The plan was to go with Cuddles to the Pascoe Vale – Northcote game at the revamped CB Smith Reserve with its infamous light tower in front of the grandstand, but when we heard that that Richmond was hosting Nunawading, we decided to head to Kevin Bartlett Reserve instead. The reasoning behind this decision was that we wanted to see whether all the stories about Nunawading – playing out from the back at all times, and not taking any shots – were true, and whether former South player Anthony Giannopoulos – a player who loves to shoot at first sight – would stick out like a sore thumb.

Well when we got to the parking area at Richmond, it started raining, and not wishing to risk having to stand in the rain all game, or hide on the social club, we decided to hoof it to Fawkner instead, and if we missed the first ten minutes, well, we probably wouldn't miss much would we?

Wrong. After slogging through Sydney Road with its pervasive smell of gyros and kebabs, getting through a Friday night booze and drug bus operation that was still setting up, but which had taken out two out of three lanes, and circling around for ten minutes trying to find a parking spot, updates on Twitter, Futbol24 and via a friend already at the ground, we found out that we'd missed not only the first four goals of the game – two each to Pascoe Vale and Northcote, both times the latter equalising – but also Giannopoulos giving Nunawading an early lead.

At least we got to see the fifth goal of the game which gave Northcote the lead for the first time that night. I'm not sure what's going on down there, with Hercules not even managing to get a front of shirt sponsor, but first and foremost it's about scoring goals, and Northcote did that better than Pascoe Vale in a thrilling game which completely died in the arse once Cuddles and I got there. I spent much time next to Kristian Konstantinidis in line at the canteen, and considering the rather good crowd decided to get a cevapi roll instead of wait forever for a pizza. Having finished said cevapi roll however, Andrew Mesorouni's kid and Leo Athanasakis' kid rock up with several boxes of the famous woodfired pizza, and I somehow ended up scoffing down most of one, and being saddled with another. But a man has to know his limits!

It was also to good to finally meet Pascoe Vale president Lou Tona in the flesh, who was surprised that I wasn't fatter. Yes, South of the Border, the Australian soccer blog most dedicated to the cause of the wallflower, can also occasionally find itself among the movers and shakers. But never fear, we are still of the people! For the people! By me, and whoever else wants to write for us! The key to selling out of course is to sell when your price is high. Only time will tell whether a ride to and from Lara and a few boxes of pizza - and a can Pepsi, we can't forget that - was worth the price, or whether I'm just a really cheap date.

Final thought
Those shotput people at Lakeside can heave those balls a fucken long way.