There have been worse times - South Melbourne 4 Sorrento 1

Jesse Daley returns to Lakeside after working for Kenny Lowe as a swineherd. 

What could be worse than the loss against Kingston last Sunday, a loss which singlehandedly destroyed the future of the club? How about staring at the result of four years' worth of work and being frozen with anxiety, seeing only an incoherent mess of academic jargon where academic clarity should be. Even food tasted like crap, the manoushe I bought was like cardboard, the hot jam doughnuts undercooked mush. Thank goodness the weather turned nasty at about 4:30 and that there was a South game to go to break me out of my funk.

One rather good burger and several beers later (which we had to a little while for because someone told the kitchen to open later than they should have), my mood immeasurably improved. A good turnout - or so I thought - but the bandwagon of the previous round was tempered a bit a feeling that we should win the game in front of us.

There were many surprises in store on the night. Jesse Daley was back! It appears that he didn't get the contract at Perth Glory, and possibly flying over on the same plane as the Sorrento players, he started this match on the bench. There was also the state of the Lakeside pitch, which was waterlogged in some parts, which surprised me because there have been other matches in which it has rained and the ground has held up much better than it did on Wednesday night. And there was also Tim Mala in the starting line up, but still no Michael Eagar. Luke Pavlou was out and Matthew Foschini was back in the middle. But there was also no time to make sense out of any of that, because we were in front after a minute or so, a goal I almost missed because of someone wanting to have a chat with me and picking a very bad moment to do it. But I did get to see Leigh Minopoulos putting up his goal when it was easy enough to make a meal out of that chance.

Leigh Minopoulos in action on Wednesday night. Photo. Mike Owen.

Look, does this game need much analysis? They had some freaky tall players, tried hitting us on the counter, managed to scramble their way forward close enough a few times, but that says more I think about what we're doing as a team at the moment than any potency Sorrento may have had. The wet surface helped us more than it did them, and we knocked the ball around pretty well, though Chris Taylor doesn't seem that impressed with some of the decision making. Which is fine with me, the players can be happy with themselves all they like, but it's a coach's prerogative to be inversely unhappy especially if he doesn't think that instructions have adequately followed.

The 2-0 halftime lead, which included one of our better moves for the season, finished off first time by the People's Champ was quite deserved. Of course people will point to the 'key incident' of the sending off of Sean Canham, but we had things under control before that, and while things theoretically could have changed in the second half I have my doubts that they would have.

To limit description of the red card only to Canham's receiving a second yellow does the whole farce a disservice. Apparently he'd mouthed off on our Facebook page, which is convenient for me because who gives a stuff about Facebook? Anyway, during the first half Nikola Roganovic did one of his silly leaving the ball too long and waiting for the striker to 'make' Nikola pick the ball up, and in shades of Palm Beach two years ago there was a collision between Roganovic and the opposition forward. This time we got away with it, as Canham was adjudged to have violently fouled our man and was given a yellow card for his troubles.

Kristian Konstantinidis slides in to challenge an opponent.
Photo: Matthew Jackson.

Fast forward to later on, when we were 2-0 up late in the first half and Canham was running toward goal when both he and his South opponent seemed to collide. I didn't think it was a foul myself, but it didn't seem like a dive either; it was a classic 'play on' call as far as I was concerned. But the ref, who was in a much better position than us to be fair, called it a dive and dished out a second yellow card to Canham, and he was off. Which was all well and good except that Canham couldn't get off the field because he'd actually snapped his Achilles tendon. Of course none us in the stand knew this at the time, and thus the 'keyboard warrior' taunt came out, as did the last post (or flailing parts thereof), and all sorts of other hostility. Which is perfectly understandable from our end, but the reaction of some our players at the time seemed a bit over the top. All of it was made farcical as Canham was taken off the ground in completely the wrong direction for some reason.

It was all a bit of a mess to be honest, though I can understand how the referee came to his decision on it being a dive - someone snapping their Achilles would go down as if they'd been shot, rather like someone going for a dive. Now the ref is probably not a medical professional, and I don't know if he can rescind or change his mind on these decisions, but it seems as if the circumstances conspired against him, and of course Canham and Sorrento, and we got the rub of the green on that one.

In the second half it's fair to say that we didn't extend ourselves too much, and pretty soon Sorrento ran out of gas and we were able to take off some players and give blokess like Stefan Zinni and Jesse Daley a bit of a run. It would've been nice to bury them by a few more goals, and we had the chances to do so. It would've also been nice not to concede, but we did, from exactly the kind of situation we expected to concede against this mob: from a corner. But Nick Epifano's second took the edge off that bit of very mild disappointment.

Post-match in the social club was a jovial affair, as we watched extra time of the Sydney Croatia vs Alexandros match. I wasn't emotionally invested in either team winning to be honest, but there was a definitely a more pronounced anti-Heidelberg feeling in the room. That's bound to happen not just because they are our eternal rival, but also because of some Bergers people who happened to be in attendance, as well as every time George Katsakis' face comes on TV it seems to aggravate our people, which is understandable.

With that match over and my raspberry lemonade finished, it was time to go, which meant missing my connecting train to Sunshine and sitting alone at Flagstaff, tired but content, and with a Nestle Crunch for company for at least a few minutes.

The draw for the next round is on Tuesday night after the completion of the fixtures for this round, and won't we all be excited for that.

Next game
An NPL Victoria semi final some time next week against one of Avondale, Green Gully or Bentleigh, probably at home.

And you want to be my latex salesman
Now you know I don't like any of this business, never have, never will, but I feel that we must make at least a little note about the crowd number.

The official attendance was announced as being 939, the lowest tally of the four matches on the night, and a figure well down on the 2,600 odd that apparently turned up to our match against Edgeworth.

That announcement seemed to surprise a few of our own, who felt that the real number was either a  bit higher or a lot higher than that.

And so they poured forth onto social media to defend the club against the storm of social media nobodies who were using the posted figure as a way of making fun of our A-League ambitions.

More power to everyone on that front, because neither love nor hate are strong enough on their own to make the social media world go round. You really do need both.

Our lovable larrikin prez was also on the case, posting up an explanation on Twitter for the apparent discrepancy in the figures, along with a demand to change the official record to reflect that 'fact'.

You didn't count the 890 that got scanned in from the social club side.
Crowd was just under 2000.
Please amend your records.

— Leo Athanasakis (@LAthanasakis) August 23, 2017

Speaking only for myself, I have no idea about these things. I counted the seats once in order to correct one myth about Lakeside's capacity that anyone could've (but hadn't) easily corrected years before. Everything else is operational matters, which are out my control.

Situations like this aren't helped when you're the club who a) have been running your mouth off for the last few months about how many members you have, and b) have a hard-earned reputation over many years (whether deserved or not) for fudging crowd numbers up, down and sideways.

More pertinent here is the fact that our patron entry procedures are a dog's breakfast, and that being the case it means that any attempt to count a crowd accurately are doomed from the outset.

It's times like this where I wish it was like Scottish football where there is no shame attached to this nonsense, and we could therefore just announce the crowd accurately every week, and nobody would care if it the number was high or low.

Let's Save Roberto Carlos' House!
There were reports in the media yesterday that our future A-League coach Roberto Carlos was going to be sentenced to a two year prison stint for failing to pay child support to his former partner, who is the mother of two his children.

Naturally, because I saw this news on Twitter, this was retweeted mercilessly with references to him not being able to coach us as was our agreement.Thankfully the actual sentence Carlos received was only three months, which should be a relief to everyone at South Melbourne For A-League HQ.

If we do get a fundraiser going we should get Troy McClure to host it.
You may remember him from such SMFC fundraisers as 'Save Our South'
and 'Let's get Fox Sports for the social club!'.
'

Me, I'm more concerned that someone who had played at some of the biggest clubs in the world for many years has found himself in this dire financial situation - with apparently six other children and another on the way!

What makes this situation even worse is that the solution he's looking for to solve his money problems is a job that won't turn up for at least another couple of years if it even exists at all.

But instead of making light of this situation, we should find a way to help out a guy in need. I'm thinking we should hold a fundraising night, which we could maybe host at the casino, tickets $300...

Final thought
I like Anthony Colangelo as a journo, Twitterer, and as an occasional acquaintance, but his non-corroborated spitting allegation... I don't know, man. He kinda went full Donald Sutherland, and you never go full Donald Sutherland.

A post-Roberto Carlos VIP Dinner Night cigarette with Savvas Tzionis

My attempt to get Roberto Carlos to attend South of the Border's
exclusive dinner event failed to achieve its goal.

Last week some of you may have noticed that South Melbourne Hellas were involved in all sorts of Roberto Carlos fluffery, including a gala ball event at the casino. Since I was not interested in paying whatever the bloated cost was of attending the gala event, and also because I was trying to ignore the whole Roberto Carlos thing as much as possible, it appeared unlikely that there would be anyone who would be able to relay some thoughts on the evening's affairs. Luckily for South of the Border and its audience, regular comment leaver and occasional contributor Savvas Tzionis not only found himself at this event, but he was also gracious enough to agree to my request for a rundown of affairs.

From a personal point of view, reading this piece reminded me of a few things. For example, the involvement of Mark Bosnich reminded me of this and also this, while the appearance of Paul Wade reminded me of this (see the comments section in particular), and made me regret once more my not having not gotten around to writing up a piece on Paul Wade's mid 1990s autobiography, which could have led to several interesting observations. That's what happens when you leave something on the backburner for seven or eight years though. So it goes. Over to Savvas.


A post-Roberto Carlos VIP Dinner cigarette with Savvas Tzionis
When you continue to advertise your renewed passion for South Melbourne, be prepared to be called on it. I probably wasn't, and x amount of dollars later, I was obligated to attend the Roberto Carlos inspired gala event at Crown Palladium, at the invitation of a friend of mine (let's call him LH) from the GOCMV (Greek Orthodox Community of Melbourne and Victoria). I was initially hesitant simply because I have some doubts about the push for an A League spot. But not being a complete naysayer, I was curious. Plus, I got a discounted ticket.

The attendance was very good, except for three or four empty tables near ours, but I struggled to spot any regular NPL attendees except a couple in the smokers room (and as I will explain, it's STILL the place to be, where you can find out interesting tidbits). The highlights of the previous week's amazing FFA Cup game against Dandenong City were shown and I dare say if the attendees included a few more actual supporters, there would have been more than polite applause at the climax with the Rocky music.

I happened to be adjacent to the table that had Michael Eager, Marcus Schroen, and Jesse Daley. Leigh Minopoulos was on another table for some reason (did he bring his family or something?). Schroen (mis)informed me that the Avondale game was bring played that Sunday. My table was full of LH's friends. Not one word was spoken about South, except about the redeveloped ground, which instantly morphed into a discussion about Eddie McGuire and AFL. And then My Big Fat Greek Wedding somehow popped up! Nearly all appeared to be private school alumni; is that a line of demarcation in relation to supporting South? What percentage of our supporters attended or send their kids to private schools?

Sponsor and menu details from the Roberto Carlos VIP dinner.
Click on the image to enlarge.

The food was very nice, but there was no alternative servings like at a wedding. And while the dessert was nice, it was heavy on the chocolate, which meant I had no urge to eat the additional chocolates that were served with tea and coffee. As for the night itself, it proceeded smoothly. Not that anything can really go wrong when it's generally a talk-fest, but hats off to the organisers. I particularly liked the obligatory Brazilian percussionists. It brought back memories of the 2002 World Cup (a forgotten lost opportunity for Australian Soccer where the Socceroos could have been playing prime time football).

The only lull was while they did a half hour Foxtel cross, but that allowed everyone to socialise and/or go for a second cigarette. Earlier, LH and I went to the smokers room for an initial cigarette, and I was introduced to the MC, Costas 'Tony the Yugoslav' Kilias. Just as we were finishing, in strode both a verbose Mark Bosnich and Robert Carlos himself, who for no particular reason smiled at me before he sat down for a ciggy! There you go!

Roberto Carlos, the man of the moment himself,
snapped during a quiet moment away from the festivities.

The interview with Roberto Carlos via his interpreter, the sponsor of the night, the presumably multilingual Morris Pagniello was interesting enough. Was Roberto speaking Spanish or Portuguese? I cannot remember. I felt some sort of vindication when Carlos stated that the most important thing that Australian soccer needed to achieve was to create great players. This was exactly what I had said to LH in an earlier conversation when I mentioned that the greatest failure of the current regime is their inability to have fostered any players that can match our Golden Generation (which was not just the 2006 team. In my opinion it encompasses the years from the mid 1990s).

Some of the other interviewees revealed some interesting information such as Bozza's request for LESS players in his defensive wall at free kicks! And even more interestingly was Goran Lozanovski telling us that he was in tears of joy at one point during the World Club Championship in 2000. Is this the apex of South's peak moment in its history? If so, there is an irony that someone called Goran Lozanovski was the person who would encapsulate it. Bozza also pushed the line about the women’s game growing in record numbers. I wondered if this was to counter the AFL push into the female ‘market’ or simply because he was interviewing Lisa De Vanna.

The last interviewee that piqued my interest was Paul Wade. Now I am led to believe that he has been less than effusive about South and the NSL in general. He certainly has little idea of what is going on at South now, as he asked if Lefteri was still there playing his trumpet! His less than effusive manner may have prompted his interviewer, Mark Bosnich (who is much taller in person than some of us imagined) to ask if South Melbourne should change their DNA. I cannot remember Wadey's response, but ultimately I didn't think he believed South Melbourne should be in the league primarily because of their 'DNA'. In some ways it was strange to have him as one of the key guests. But it was interesting nonetheless, especially when someone asked him if Australia could ever win the World Cup to which he said 'NO'. Personally, I do not particularly like his style of answering questions. It's not conducive to having an exchange of ideas.

But at least having Wadey there provided a counter to any pie in the sky thoughts about getting in the A-League. There is still a school of thought among some that the likes of South shouldn't be considered for inclusion. And if I can use the pub test (the Blackburn Hotel to be exact), among my suburbanite friends there are a couple who refuse to countenance South's inclusion. The majority however are not perturbed and are in fact keen on a South Melbourne bid insofar as it provides a point of difference to the existing arrangements. They certainly are not aware of any ‘falsehoods’ being put out there. It’s all about the Sell!

To finish off, a South Melbourne Hellas event wouldn't be complete without the obligatory infighting among the 'fans'. For a moment I thought I was attending a vital cup match between South Melbourne and a lower league club, and South was losing 4-1 in the 80th minute. But then I realised it was a (presumably?) drunk former 'player' (who went on to Hollywood 'stardom') who started throwing abuse towards a table near us. I am not sure if he was directing it at a particular person or a group of people because no one (thankfully!) at the table responded. Luckily Mr Thedoso .... oops I better not mention his real name (let’s call him Costas Mandylor) departed without further rancour.

And kudos to Bill Papastergiadis for no further unnecessary embellishments. Someone, maybe Bill himself, even made the statement about South Melbourne being one of two clubs to have featured in every season of the NSL. Let’s stick to the facts from now on.

Comeback (ahem) Kings - South Melbourne 2 Port Melbourne 1

Jesse Daley's shot flies past Port's keeper for the equaliser.
Photo: Rob Cruse.

If you're in the mood for jokes, copious Simpsons references, and the usual sorts of hilarity, this week's post will likely disappoint. Wednesday took a lot out of everyone, including myself, and it's going to take a little while to recuperate. That's why this week most of the good gags are stolen or woefully out of date.

But as for Sunday, what a pleasant late afternoon's work it was. There was a chill in the air even as the sun shone, there was a rainbow, there was a little bit of rain, and we worked our way to another win and third place on the ladder. It was great having to once again only half care about what was taking place on the field. No hype, and no glory even in victory, just like most other weeks.

If there was one lesson to be learned from our embarrassing 4-0 loss to Port earlier this season, it was 'don't let them shoot'. So of course we let them shoot, and got lucky - one shot rattled the crossbar if I remember correctly, though I could well be remembering another game - except for the one time where we weren't lucky. Did Andreas Govas' shot bounce over Nikola Roganovic's arm?

Either way, we fell behind, but did we even care? As one of the lads in the stand noted, after Wednesday, what was left for us to do? It was kind of like one of those thrill seeking adrenaline junkies that's pushed the envelope so far that it's impossible for them to get excited about anything. Nevertheless, the team worked its way into the game, working the wide positions well, which is when we're at our best under this current iteration. On a narrower ground, with an opponent more apt at closing down the passing lanes, we'd be a lot less convincing.

I'm not saying we were great, because we were not. Everyone expected that we'd be flat, and we were, except for the unsung hero of Wednesday, Jesse Daley, who was in manic form. He was everywhere, and it was through him that we got the equaliser, when he blasted his shot past the Port keeper. By this stage we had gained control of the match, and apart from some slack marking in the middle park, there should not have been to many issues with overcoming the visitors.

The second half saw Daley - who was in an especially mouthy mood - put in a number of good crosses, with one eventually being met by the head of Milos Lujic. There was a period of five or so minutes where we struggled to get the ball out of defensive third, but apart from that, Port posed little threat. Even with an assortment of Stellas coming onto the field, Port's biggest chance lay with us being stupid. Cue Tim Mala badly misreading a passage of play, and getting sent off for his troubles, as he committed a foul as the result of needing to furiously track back. At least the resulting free kick missed, and we got the chocolates..

The only downside was having to ponder the consequences of winning in this way, with yellow cards mounting up and real or imagined reinforcements still some time away.

*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation, etc

Next game
I don't know. It's supposed to be Avondale at home on Sunday afternoon, but there's all sorts of wild rumours going around about postponed matches, Brazil using Lakeside, and Dockerty Cup scheduling, that who knows what's going on. Check the official sources for any changes, but maybe wait just a bit for the Roberto Carlos circus to leave town first. If South of the Border hears anything, we'll let you know.

It can only end well
A bloke who can't coach, hired for a team that doesn't exist, for a competition that's not desperate for either. But of course if you talk like this, 'they' get upset and start murmuring things in the bowels of Lakeside, believing that you can't hear them. Guys, even if I don't type it, I'm thinking it. And even if I can't hear you say it, I can imagine it.

I mean, I've started joining in wrestling gags, and I don't even watch wrestling for crying out loud.

Chants
An unusually productive day yesterday, motivated mostly by the tenacious work of Jesse Daley and Luke 'The Luckiest Man in Show Business' Adams coming back from Bali without a tan,

• 'Bill Paps is on fire, the truth is terrified'
• 'I wish that I scored Jesse's goal / where can I score a goal like that?'
• 'Jesse talk it up, talk it up, Jesse talk it up'
• 'Where's your tan at?'

A big opportunity was missed when we failed to tie Adams' midweek absence to Schapelle Corby's return to Australia.

Comings and goings
Fahid Ben Khalfallah (still no idea who he is) ended up signing with Brisbane Roar. What a pity.

Letter to the editor (including how to contact South of the Border)
Following on from Wednesday's win against Dandenong City, South of the Border received some welcome feedback and commentary, including a timely and appreciated reminder about choosing certain words more carefully.

[Although I was a bit taken aback by one regular reader who saw only an attempt to be a curmudgeon - which was certainly the not the point]

One of the more interesting bits of correspondence came through the comments section (though I did not publish it for reasons which shall reveal themselves), which reads as follows:

Greetings Mr Paul, wow I've just discovered your blog and love it. I read in some very early posts you sometimes ask fans to contribute articles. I would like to contribute this below if you think it is appropriate regarding Hellas’s A-League bid. Sorry for posting in this wrong area – I just didn't know how to contribute this article.

Well, of course I'm always delighted when new readers discover South of the Border, especially when it's South fans doing the discovering. And I'm even happier when they want to contribute something a bit more substantial than a comment - not that there's anything wrong with contributing solely through the comments.

As for the best way to go about contacting me, email is my preferred option - blackmissionary@hotmail.com is my address. If you want to more immediately get my attention, and you have a Twitter account, then you can find me @paulmavroudis.

Here is our new friend's submission, on the matter of the rhetorical conduct of South Melbourne's A-League bid. Keep in mind that this was sent before yesterday's shenanigans.

Bill Paps was off in the world of make believe again today.

SMFC A-League bid strategy – wrong approach
I write this piece with a heavy heart. I have been a South Melbourne Hellas supporter since I was a young child – probably like most South fans. I have experienced agony, frustration, sadness and plenty of lost sleep whenever I think about our omission from the top flight of football in Australia. I wouldn't say I am a great fan of the A-League or its structure – but I am mature enough to recognize the NSL needed to replaced. I just always thought that South would be at the forefront of soccer in Melbourne and indeed the highest competition available in Australia. I like most have waited patiently knowing that some day our time will come. Melbourne is a big city growing by 100,000 people per year and it’s inevitable that at some point a third Melbourne A-League club would be looked at. That is indisputable; at some point expansion will happen again in Melbourne. This has always provided me a glimmer of hope even in the dark times when I felt sick at the prospect we will be stuck in the wilderness forever.

I absolutely do want to acknowledge that the board of SMFC have done a terrific job re-building the club which let us never forget was on the brink of oblivion circa 2004. The stadium deal, the refurbishments, the social club are massive achievements. These are no small feats, they have secured our future. So why the heavy heart and frustration and countless nights lying awake in the middle of the night? It is because I unequivocally and firmly believe that we are squandering the best chance we will ever have to position ourselves to get back into the top flight. This shouldn't be the case but we actually are shooting ourselves in the foot and on various fronts becoming a laughing stock. Here is why:

We need to stop our arrogant approach, we need to stop the rhetoric that it is our ‘Alvaro Recoba’ divine right to be in the top flight. I would like to know from the board who thought it was a good idea to have Bill Papastergiadis head our bid and be a spokesman? Wrong choice. In all his public appearances and interviews the ridiculous comments regarding over inflated crowd figures, the whole Real Madrid ‘link’ which is misconstrued garbage and the let’s not get started on the ‘Roberto Carlos’ angle. This is all GUFF – this actually harms the credibility of our bid. I cannot overstate this.

Bill is obviously an intelligent person, great lawyer etc., but he should not be representing our hopes and aspirations. That he is the President of the Greek Community of Melbourne and the spokesman for our club does nothing whatsoever to demonstrate to the masses that we are looking for broad based appeal bid, it rather just reinforces prejudices that unfortunately the majority of people hold.

Other bids speak of how they will engage the community. Someone please, correct me if I am wrong but I have not heard from anyone associated with the bid team or the board how we will be a broad based bid – how we will attract new fans. Other bids talk about alliances with local communities, teams or football associations. But for us it’s been left to assume that the ‘thousands’ of poulimenoi will come back to follow us. Wrong, wrong, wrong! If this is our great hope – we are gone.

The other angle I wish to tackle is our relationship with the FFA and indeed what the A-League is and represents. Key people from our club and some supporters continually diss the FFA and the A-League. Geez! Where is our diplomacy? Does anyone think this approach will actually bring a groundswell of support to our bid? Do we actually think it is a great idea to have Tom Kalas being pivotal in forming and becoming a spokesman for the AAFC? Agitating change, sniping comments against the FFA but then at the same time asking to be considered for an A-League license? Again – no diplomacy at all. Where is our humility?

I will end here with a comparison to other A-League hopefuls. This quote from Robert Cavallucci of FC Brisbane City A-League aspirant is a pearler and sums up perfectly all that is wrong with our bid team strategy:

If you've got a commercial argument, if you've got a football argument for what you’re doing, stop doing it by antagonising and picking a fight with FFA. Through positive presentation of who you are, demonstrate to the football community, the A-League clubs, the governing body, why you deserve to be there.

Bang! Spot on! Let’s repeat this and shout it from the rooftops to our bid team, Mr President Leo Athanasakis, some board members and some of our social media fans. Please say after me: “stop doing it by antagonising and picking a fight with FFA”. And again: “stop doing it by antagonising and picking a fight with FFA”. Through positive presentation of who you are, demonstrate to the football community, the A-League clubs, the governing body, why you deserve to be there.

In concluding, I would please urge our board and the bid team to reconsider our approach. This might be our last shot for a very long time. Do what is right, be humble, focus on what we bring to the table and demonstrate how we can attract new fans. Make it a football bid – not just a selfish we deserve to be there SMFC centric bid.

Regards, T. Arvanitis, Murrumbeena, VIC

Around the grounds
$7 for a souv means $3 for the raffle
Standing in a particular position at McIvor Reserve on Saturday afternoon, it looked like there were twice as many people at Yarraville vs Altona East than there actually were. But enough about metrics. Both teams have had their difficulties in 2017, but there's struggling and then there's struggling, if you catch my drift. The team that was struggling less scored within the first few minutes, scored a penalty at the end, and were rarely troubled by Altona East in between those events. I don't remember Tommi Tommich, who was in goal for Yarraville, having to make much more than a solitary save.

Final thought
Very saddened to hear of the passing of former Heidelberg player and president Jim Mangopoulos. Back in the 1990s in his guise as a lawyer, he represented my folks in a civil case when so many others refused - and got them a result of sorts. It was an incredibly stressful time for us - his support was and remains appreciated by my family. Sincerest condolences to his friends and family, and to all at Heidelberg Alexander.

December 2016 digest

Social club news (and more musings on capacities)
There have been no official updates on the status of the build itself that I'm aware of, nor have I been made privy to unofficial murmurings that I can both recall and that are also worth repeating here. However one of our readers has made us aware of (publicly available) documents on the liquor licence for both the social club and the stadium as a whole.

One of the first and most obvious changes is that there will now be two separate liquor licences, As the stadium and the social club are now under separate licences, you will not be able to take liquor from the social club out into the stadium area, though patrons will be able to, as our correspondent noted, take alcohol off the premises, ie 'buy a slab to rake home'. I suppose this will also mean you will be able to be served alcohol in a glass inside the social club as well. The social club's liquor licence hours are:

• Sunday: Between 10 a.m. and 11 p.m.
• Good Friday & Anzac Day: Between 12 noon and 11 p.m.
• Monday To Friday: Between 7 a.m. and 1 a.m.
• Saturday: Between 7 a.m. and 12 midnight.

Which I assume is the same as it ever was, and that as it was back then, so too will a limited amount of extended trading hour applications be available to the club. No capacity is listed on the social club's licence. In terms of who can be served and under what conditions, the 'licence is a full club licence' which 'authorises the licensee to supply liquor on the licensed premises'

• to a member of the club for consumption on or off the licensed premises; and
• to an authorised gaming visitor or guest of a member for consumption on the licensed premises.

Which seems to suggest to me something like the Celtic Club in the city, where visitors or guests of members will have to sign in upon entering the social club, which seems consistent with what I've been told in the past. As an aside, I wonder how much it has cost the club to renew and maintain its liquor licence during the time that there has been no active or usable social per se, assuming that the club was in fact renewing and maintaining its liquor licence over that time.

For the stadium liquor licence, the interesting part is where there is specification of the stadium's capacity. The 'internal area' (which I assume refers to either the corporate or the function space) capacity is listed at 220 patrons, while the  'external area' capacity is listed at 7,400 patrons, for an overall maximum of 7,620 patrons. When this total is put together with South of the Border's count of the grandstand seating - which you up'll recall was 5338 - it leaves about 2,300 as the standing room capacity as calculated by the government.

Whether theoretically you could squeeze many more into the standing room areas is another matter entirely, but it's nice to have what appears to be a legit figure from the government itself about Lakeside Stadium's official current capacity.

2017 Fixtures released
And they are, interesting. Almost certainly because of the delay to the social club's refit, we've pulled a bit of a Ballarat Red Devils 2014 move and are playing our first seven games away. Apart from that, some things to note.

• Almost all our home games at this stage are scheduled for Sundays at 4:00. How civilised. The exceptions to that rule are an Easter Monday game against Melbourne Knights, and our final round game with the simultaneous 3:00PM kickoffs.
• We have an extra Monday night away fixture, with Kingston continuing to play home games on Mondays. Another chance to reiterate how stupid Monday night games are. 
• Avondale will continue playing their home games at Knights Stadium.
• A few teams are experimenting with different days and time-slots. The Bergers and Gully probably the most notable of these with their Saturday evening/night time-slots.

But things could change! Let me know if they do.

Public transport guide updated
I have updated my public transport guide. Unfortunately for the public transport brigade, we've lost some of the easier grounds to visit, and ended up with some of the worst. No matter, we press on. I've changed the format slightly, getting rid of the bullet points (for the most part), adding some basic map images for each entry, and noting the existence (or otherwise) of PSOs at various train stations. As usual, please send in any corrections or suggestions.

Vale Dave Maclaren
As noted on Mark Boric's blog (which also has some good links), former South Melbourne Hellas coach Dave Maclaren passed away during December. A goalkeeper as a player, Maclaren coached South in 1978 after coming down from Sydney (with the side finishing third, two games behind champions West Adelaide), as well as the early part of the disastrous 1979 season, where the club finished last for the first and hitherto only time in its history. Maclaren's coaching stint at South was relatively short, but his connection to South continued in the form of his son Bruce (who was the goalkeeper in the championship year of 1991), and grandson Fraser, who played a handful of games for South in 2015.

Even FFV's NPL Victoria Facebook page is getting on board the 'People's
Champ' gimmick. Indeed, the change in tone and frequency of that
Facebook page talking about South has not gone unnoticed by both
South fans and opposition persons. I'm sure the majority of South people
 are loving it, though some, like myself, are wary of it causing a backlash
 or coming across as FFV playing favourites. I guess the theory is to be
loved or hated is better than to not be thought of at all. Though to be fair,
FFV probably just enjoy getting the kind  of social media metrics and
interactions that South is getting, even if some of that is anecdotal.
More on FFV's overall NPL media strategy in a post coming in early 2017.

Arrivals and departures
Some new signings have finally been announced, including several Brisbanites in the form of Jesse Daley, Luke Pavlou and Ajdin Fetahagic - the last of whom did his ACL during a training session. We've also upgraded youth player Joshua Hodes to the senior list, and welcomed back winger Stefan Zinni from his ultimately unsuccessful Melbourne Heart stint. That's a lot of youth right there. 

In addition to that, we've signed Bentleigh midfielder/utility Liam McCormick, and surprised a few people, your correspondent included, by signing former South player Francesco Stella. The People's Champ and Kristian Konstantindis have signed for 2017. while Matthew Foschini has signed two more seasons.

There is talk that there are still a couple of players to be signed, as well decisions needing to be made on the fates of several fringe players.

As per last time, the following players are known to be contracted for next season.

• Stephen Hatzikostas (signed until end of 2017)
• Brad Norton (signed until end of 2017)
• Matthew Millar (signed until end of 2017)
• Stefan Zinni (signed until end of 2017)
• Luke Pavlou (signed until end of 2017)
• Ajdin Fetahagic (signed until the end of 2017)
• Joshua Hodes (signed until the end of 2017)
• Liam McCormick (signed until the end of 2017)
• Francesco Stella (signed until the end of 2017)
• Nick Epifano (signed until the end of 2017)
• Kristian Konstantinidis (signed until the end of 2017)
• Matthew Foschini (signed until the end of 2018)
• Milos Lujic (signed until end of 2018)
• Jesse Daley (signed until end of 2018)

Mathew Theodore has retired, or gone off on sabbatical. Oh, and we've added the departure of Manolo for the sake of completeness, even though he left during the 2016 season. Players who have officially left the club so far:

• Chris Irwin to Kingston City.
• Iqi Jawadi, to Oakleigh Cannons.
• Amadu Koroma, to Altona Magic
• Mathew Theodore, sabbatical
• Manuel Padilla Herero, loan ended

A-League expansion ephemera/continuing chronicle of self-regard
Scheduled for the 2018/19 A-League season, which makes irrelevant (probably) our claim that we could be ready for season 2017/18 - unless it's part of the FFA conspiracy to keep us down by allowing time for other bids to sprout. Some have contended that that time line makes it harder for a South bid. I think if the bid is good enough it will get in on its own merits regardless of the time frame. And would you really want to get in based only having rushed the process? Don't answer that question.

The actual existence of other bids aside from our own and the Tasmania bid remains a sketchy proposition at best - but then again, so do the nuts and bolts details of those two bids as well, so it all evens itself out in the end.

One of the things we at South of the Border have been concerned interested in finding out is how Lakeside would be changed in order to create more seating capacity, at least on a temporary basis. To that end, the upcoming Usain Bolt athletics event in early February will go some way towards answering that question, at least in terms of providing a practical example of what can be achieved at Lakeside on that front.

Below is the seating map for that event. Note that apart from the yellow fixed stands we already know and love, there are western and eastern grandstands where the terraces are - which will be news to the terraces that already live there, I'm sure.

One suspects then that there will temporary grandstands installed, with what right now to me is an indeterminate/unknown number of seats. The general admission seating costs about $45 for the 'western' stand, and about $35 for the 'eastern' stand, and for the east it appears to be 'first in, best dressed', because you may end up in the standing room area at the back. Reserved seating costs a whopping $70, and all those prices don't include the booking fee if you purchase tickets online. All of which makes one think twice about attending this event for the primary purpose of investigating the grandstands.

There's also been a TV deal settled - or at least the major component thereof in the form of the pay television aspect, with the free to air bit yet to come. The deal will end up being a big increase on what FFA had, but not as much as FFA wanted. More problematic for them was there was no one clamouring for the majority rights other than Fox Sports. As it relates to us though, it's all neither here nor there as far as I can tell. Maybe behind the scenes the networks are saying we need another team in Melbourne, but I'm not behind the scenes to know that.

In the post AGM round up we warned you that the club would continue on its path of most salacious self-aggrandisement, and even though news has dried up a little - I suppose people had to take some time off to see their familiies and such - it reached new heights when it was suggested that Roberto Carlos would be coach of 'our' A-League side. All of which was news to Roberto Carlos himself.

Had it confirmed to me that Roberto Carlos is unaware of any contact from South Melb. Would be willing to chat but nothing yet #ALeague #NPL

— Sacha Pisani (@Sachk0) December 22, 2016

Others were more willing to play South's game and at least pretend that this was all legit, but they still duly noted: why choose Roberto Carlos in the first place, an excellent free kick taker but thus far incredibly mediocre manager? But it's the hype that matters, you see. The mostly mock concern over Chris Taylor's feelings on the matter was laid on a bit thick to be honest.

One trend which has emerged in recent times, at least on a secluded corner of the internet, is South fans being split along the lines of either being wholly for the whatever it takes approach to getting this A-League bid up and going, saying whatever needs to be said no matter how outrageous; to more Negative Nancy types who think this whole is a joke. The latter being in the minority, they've copped their fair share of heat for pointing out some of the absolute nonsense being peddled by people associated with 'our' bid.

As you may have guessed, your correspondent tends to fall into the latter category on this matter. That's not to say that I approve of the tone of some of the negativity, because it can and has become as predictably knee-jerk and pedestrian in its instinctive reflexivity as those who are all the way with whatever the hell it is some people are trying to do.

But because I share some or even many of their broader concerns on this matter, I like to think there is a way of putting forward that case that doesn't simply play out as an attempt (whether deliberate or not) to try and seem cooler than everyone else by the taking up of a minority position.

And I say this because there are many things with the presentation of this South bid which have reached beyond mere old fashioned Hellas arrogance, and which have ended up instead increasingly further away from anything resembling reality (provided of course that we exist in the 50% possibility that we're not in a simulacrum).

That being the case, we should as South fans be allowed to fairly criticise those kinds of claims, without fear of being labeled as recalcitrants or other such erms. While remembering the necessary caveat that not that of any of that matters, if we are to believe that this stuff does matter, we have a right to be concerned with the club's image and the way it is portrayed in the public.

But back to the issue at hand. Further complicating matters is the announcement of real estate development firm Luvarc as our major sponsor for next season. When we say complicated, this is because Luvarc is associated with Louisa Chen, who at one point - that point being the bid's initial soft-launch - was seemingly being touted as an investor. Then at the AGM they said there were no investors. After that, well it's been hard to keep track of which story to take seriously, or where these stories may all fit in the time-line. Historians looking back at this era are going to have a lot of problems, though since we're not going to make it into the A-League, it probably won't matter so much.

On a side note, I am absolutely fascinated by what seems like the increasingly deliberate tactic of not putting up anything about the A-League bid on the website. Are you intrigued by all the South Melbourne A-League bid hoopla and want to find out more? Well visit our website and learn about... all the players we've signed for next season. Facebook and Twitter seem to be taking up all the slack on that, letting people comment and I assume having their comments deleted as the case may be. It's almost like leaving as little a formal digital paper trail as possible at home base, instead preferring to dirty up the social media frontier - basically anywhere the interest can be made to seem like it is being driven by individuals and groups outside of South Melbourne Hellas.

But we've talked at length about these things before...

We came out of that pretty well
Oh, and those worried that by losing the Melbourne City/South Melbourne Toyota sponsorship we'd lose the van, have no fear! Team manager Frank Piccione will get to keep driving around our de facto social club regardless.

Another one from the 'why did nobody tell me?' files
Did you know that midfielder Stephen Hatzikostas made a film of some kind, or that he was a painter? Or that he had an exhibition of both these sides of his artistic self during (I'm guessing) September this year? Even though I'm not particularly artistic myself, and clearly prefer the literary arts to the visual, I am disappointed that those who know me well enough at South Melbourne did not think to tell me that Mr. Hatzikostas was presenting work in a gallery space, knowing that I don't mind visiting galleries, nor considering that I would be interested even at the base level of 'holy crap, here's a South Melbourne player doing something different'. There's so much other crap on the website and social media from our end, why not even a cursory mention of this? (unless that's the way Stevie Hatz wanted it?) I mean, there might also be a valid critique to be made asking whether we really need another film about riding a motorbike through America, but that's for the potential audience to decide, surely? Couldn't they at least make up their own minds in the fading but still warm afterglow of the grand final victory, whether Stevie Hatz's late arrival to pre-season preparation because he was busy riding across the United States while making this movie was all worth it?

Anyway, here's a half related and true story. Back in, oh, about 2009 I think, I was in a documentary making class as part of my undergrad professional writing course, and I was teamed up with a bloke who wanted to make a doco (25 minutes or so in length) about what it was like to be a motorcyclist in Melbourne, or some such topic. He ended up doing most of the work, because he had the proper knowhow and technology at home to edit the footage (and Vic Uni was very slack in teaching us anything to do with that), though I did provide as much as technical and editorial assistance as I could, as well as moral support when something electrical blew up and he had to work from a much older save file. I would have done more work on the film had I been able to ride along the back of my mate's Triumph while holding a video camera - unfortunately when I tried putting on the motorcycle helmet I got claustrophobic within about three seconds, and in the end some German/Austrian exchange student who was not a part of our team (or even part of that subject) ended up doing the ride along filming. Apart from ongoing residual guilt about having earned an HD for something I didn't really do enough on, everything worked out OK in the end, and there was no resentment from my partner. I even made use of the experience, by using the experience of walking between the St Albans campus and my mate's place off Main Road West to ponder how easy it would be to dump a body in the wetlands that act as an impromptu nature reserve near the campus, and I included as a section in the only piece of literary fiction I've had published.

Anyway, we find probably the one person at South Melbourne Hellas whose artistic pursuits aren't limited to strictly consumer exploitation oriented graphical and web design, and nobody deems this even remotely important.