Finally the answer to where we'll be relocating

Back in the day when me and Hunter S. Thompson were out in the Nevada badlands, on too much of whatever it was we'd taken - he wrote a book about it which you may have heard of, A Bear called Paddington - and we saw this neglected outpost of the world's second best sport, 43 man squamish. The rest of the trip was a bit of blur to be honest, and it's hard to tell what was factual and what was more factual. We always meant to go back and tidy it up, but since we didn't know how we got there in the first place, we let the moment pass.

 

Anyway, it was somewhat a surprise to then learn that improvements had been made to the ground in the past 40 odd years - and now that dustbowl boutique stadium is a virtual tropical biodome paradise. And with people freaking out about still not being told where we're going to play during our relocation away from Lakeside, it is my pleasure to announce that this stadium will be brought over here to Melbourne, ala the Famous Spiegeltent, and shipped from place to place to let people from all over Melbourne marvel at its sheer tremindosity. Who's footin' the bill you may ask? Well, the Victorian Government is of course. And the best bit is, only we get to use it. Marvelous, outstanding, crap. Normally I'm not for this kind of government spending wastage - esopecially when they could be funding more stuff like experimental theatre shows at public swimming pools. But you know what? Fuck it. This is the bare minimum we deserve. Because we are South Melbourne, the greatest club in the known universe, and everyone else can just shove if it they don't like it.