The Stupidest Thing I Saw In Canberra

No Kiss of Death this week. :(

So in lieu of that and because I can't be bothered to write up a preview for this week's match against Southern Stars - because surely we'll win that match - I decided to provide a taster of an upcoming write up on my recent trip to Canberra to attend a sports history conference and do some research on the leftist writer David Martin. The photo is from a map at the AIS.

2010 VPL Fixture out

So,  the fixture for the upcoming season is finally out. It's got typos, and absurd clashes. It's also got the N.T.C. - the National Training Curriculum - in there as well; speculation has been simmering during the offseason that the Victory's youth would be included, and it appears that at least some of the players from that squad will be participating in this scheme. 

So what does that mean? Probably trips to Darebin. In midweek. Not sure about their 'away' matches, which are also scheduled for midweek. Not that anyone makes a mint in this competition, but it's probably going to be like the AIS farce all over again on so many levels. Being a development squad, like the AIS, they'll probably be fielding squads whose quality will differ wildly from week to week, compromising the integrity of the competition. Like the AIS, they'll bring no more fans than a few family members. And like the AIS, their players will probably be likely targets for the A-League, including the Melbourne Heart franchise.

The behind the scenes people at South are reportedly quite unhappy with the draw. Altona away round 1? Northcote City gets it's wish to have their 50th anniversary game against us in round 3, which we were apparently in favpur of, and to which I have no objection. .The big drawing games, Thunder, Knights, Bergers, don't get their late summer/early autumn run at Lakeside - instead we get Bentleigh and Green Gully.  No mention of where we'll play our remaining home games yet - though the Olympic Park solution has appeared to be a fait accompli for some time now. Not sure yet either how many games we'll get at Lakeside - the general reasoning was for 2-3 at the most. And Sunshine Georgies away to finish off - I'll give them credit for that one, but it really was a no brainer.

Apart from the midweek shenanigans, there's an extra Friday night game, with the return of Bentleigh, which will please the drunken lout element. Newcomers Northcote have opted for Saturday afternoons. There's Monday night games, courtesy of the Georgies who are playing at Knights Stadium this year after they farewell Chaplin Reserve last year by losing to Preston, but we miss out on that because we play them in the final round. A few teams are seemingly having a bet each with the fixture, different days and times being thrown in without a clear sense of direction, other than perhaps skimping on lighting bills against smaller teams. And all our home games, except for some reason the Heidelberg match, are at 5pm. Which will probably result in traffic jams outside the MCG if we are indeed playing out of Olympic Park - but otherwise provide convenience for those of our fans who like to double dip. 

Lastly, the breaks. Orthodox Easter falls on the same weekend as Catholic/Protestant Easter this year, allowing the FFV to avoid dealing with one of the more unique cultural fixture concerns to the Victorian soccer calendar. The Queen's Birthday long weekend has been left open. And we all get nearly a month off in late June, early July, maybe for catch up games, or maybe because we'll all be sleep deprived after watching night after night of world cup action.

Round 1  

24 February 8:30 PM, N.T.C. vs South Melbourne, To Be Confirmed 

28 February 3:00 PM, Altona Magic vs South Melbourne, Paisley Park 

Round 2  

7 March 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Bentleigh Greens, Bob Jane Stadium

Round 3  

13 March 3:00 PM, Northcote City vs South Melbourne, John Cain Memorial Reserve

Round 4  

21 March 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Green Gully Cavaliers, Bob Jane Stadium 

Round 5  

27 March 7:00 PM, Dandenong Thunder vs South Melbourne, George Andrews Reserve

Round 6  

11 April 3:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Heidelberg Utd, Bob Jane Stadium  
 
Round 7

18 April 3:00 PM, Melbourne Knights vs South Melbourne, Knights Stadium

Round 8  

25 April 3:00 PM, Hume City vs South Melbourne, Broadmeadows Valley Park

Round 9  

30 April 8:30 PM, Richmond vs South Melbourne, Kevin Bartlett Reserve

Round 10  

9 May 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Oakleigh Cannons, Bob Jane Stadium
 
Round 11

16 May 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Sunshine Georgies, Bob Jane Stadium

Round 12  

19 May 8:30 PM, N.T.C. vs South Melbourne, To Be Confirmed

23 May 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Altona Magic, Bob Jane Stadium

Round 13  

28 May 8:30 PM, Bentleigh Greens vs South Melbourne, Kingston Heath Soccer Complex

Round 14  

6 June 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Northcote City, Bob Jane Stadium  

Round 15  

20 June 3:00 PM, Green Gully Cavaliers vs South Melbourne Green Gully Reserve View 

Round 16  

27 June 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Dandenong Thunder, Bob Jane Stadium
 
Round 18  

18 July 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Melbourne Knights, Bob Jane Stadium 

Round 19  

25 July 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Hume City, Bob Jane Stadium 

Round 20  
 
1 August 5:00 PM, South Melbourne vs Richmond, Bob Jane Stadium

Round 21  

6 August 8:30 PM, Oakleigh Cannons vs South Melbourne Jack, Edwards Reserve

Round 22  

15 August 3:00 PM, Sunshine Georgies vs South Melbourne, Knights Stadium

Canberra Trip Part 3 - Dodgy Asian betting and the ride home

So we're on the bus trying to figure out where the ground is, getting directions from a couple of kids that came up with their dad in their own car - one of which I was doing one of those vocalised/mouth noise guitar solos to Frozen Tears - but were hitching a ride with us to the game. Good thing they were there too or else we might've still been looking for the place. We eventually find the place, and we're early enough to co-ordinate a dramatic entrance - by Canberra standards - and take up a position on the hill. Except of course that I was roped in to do the dodgy Asian betting thing. So I'm off to the halfway line.

To explain what that's all about, as best I can. Betting firms of indeterminate legality in a place which or may or may not be called China hire people to hire people to 'call' or 'commentate' VPL games. Except that it really isn't commentating in an Andy Paschalidis kind of fashion, more stuff like 'away danger', 'home corner', etc. There's different levels of detail for different companies, but the main thing is that the gamblers and those listening to your commentary don't care so much about South Melbourne or Robbie Wynne (for example) as individual entities, rather as part of an over the phone, online, and imagined tug of war .

I had agreed not only to do one game of commentary with one guy on the line saying 'ok', but also have another guy on another phone just listening - and if he was to talk tome, my instructions were not to talk to him - which all got a bit difficult when the game was delayed because not enough pegs were holding the goals, something that would usually be checked during half time in the reserves, except that the AIS's reserves play in Victoria, and they're not really their reserves, they're just the VIS. Anyway, the guy who I was talking to seemed to understand that there was a delay - which just kept on dragging on - but the listener kept asking for information who was attacking and such.

He must've hung up as I then received a call from my boss for the day, some guy called Jerry, getting stuck into me, telling me that I wasn't doing a very good job as his client wasn't getting information on who was attacking and such. A little miffed because I've been telling one guy on the hands free and one on my own phone that game has been delayed and the reason for it. Explaining it to Jerry his tone changes fairly quickly, and we're back in business. The game eventually gets under way, and apart from a few early teething problems, the sun in my eyes, and a linesman doing his best to block out my view, it's going ok.

At the end of the first half, which at that moment I didn't realise had gone only 40 odd minutes, I noticed that my battery had gone down to one bar. Would it last to the end? A mad rush to find someone to swap sim cards with ensued; incompatible carrier; seemingly impossible to release sim card; I decided that I would just try my luck with what I had. Of course the confusion caused by the 40 minute halves started kick in during the second half. My 'listener' called in a few minutes into it, and my talking 'ok' guy dropped out entirely, and didn't call back. Persevering to the end, seeing the game in only a limited palette, I wondered whether it had all been worth it, and would I get paid? The players go over to the supporters and high five, shake hands and say thanks for coming, and despite coming in a little late, I get a gloved hand to Goran Zoric, and then get my head shaking in annoyance on camera at the farcical situation of it all, having driven eight hours up and with another eight to go, for 80 minutes of football.

Time to get back on the bus, with the previous night's missed sleep starting to catch up with me. There's still the travelling humour, but people are more tired, and sleep takes over. Even I start drifting in and out of consciousness from Albury onwards. Easy listening music drifts across, most of it dross, but there's the brief flicker of outstanding respite when Springsteen's 'The River' comes on. More Acropolis Now episodes get played, with at one stage the DVD stuck at the menu screen and playing the theme song about 12 times in a row. Most of the complaints are coming from the back, the hellish torture of the the song itself magnified by the fact that there's almost no way of getting past that many arms and legs stretched into the aisle in order to turn it off.

We stop at a few places, service stations, roadhouses. I buy myself a bag of marshmallows and the most crappy banana flavoured milk I've ever had. Not wanting to get a carton which I know I'll spill over the seats, it's the only thing in a bottle that isn't some variation of coffee. Someone as a joke buys a forbidden dim sim. Just outside Seymour a car is flipped onto its roof, a police car behind it. Someone gets dropped off in Wandong. Someone else on High Street. Finally back to where we started from, a quick clean out of the bus, and them time to go home. I'm going to catch a taxi, but it's insisted that I get a lift with someone. That someone turns out to be a person who can't quite grasp the purposes of speedbumps and roundabouts, but there's no complaining, as I'm expected to be grateful. And when I get home in one piece, I am.



- This would have been better had I taken notes, but perhaps it would have lost some of its charm. With thanks to everyone involved on the trip, but especially Michal, Eamonn and Tony.

8 hours up and 8 hours back for 80 minutes of football - AIS 0 South Melbourne 0

The story of the trip will be serialised in a hitherto unknown timeframe. Anyway as for the game itslef, owing to the AIS not having enough pegs in their goals, there was dleayed start of about 20-25 minutes, the game was cut to 40 minutes halves, the AIS got better as the game went on, but we were unusually organised all over the field, and had by far the better chances.

One last thing before I duck out of here

As part of the Canberra away trip bonanza this week on South of the Border, I'm taking a guest stint on Football In The Capital's The Weeekender segment. It's a quick piece going over the anomalies and conundrums brought up by having the AIS in the VPL. As far as I know, I won't be in tomorrow, so enjoy your weekends, and everyone coming up to Canberra, I'll see you there.

The Weekender: Should the AIS stay in the VPL

Also cool that I am now a category on Eamonn's site. Every step is one closer to being cited in an academic essay, surely the holy grail of such things. In theory I was this (use your imagination) close to being listed as part of the bibliography of a mate's essay. In theory.

Capital bound - Round 18, Australian Institute of Sport vs South Melbourne

Last time they met:
Round 5, 2008 at Lakeside Stadium, aka where was my freakin free BBQ?

South Melbourne 0 Australian Institute of Sport 2

Uninspired stuff from both sides early on before the AIS stepped up a notch in the 2nd half. Fernando put a 1st half penalty wide which would given Hellas the lead and perhaps changed the game. As it was, the visitors' highly rated Jason Naidovski was best afield, scoring a double, including a cracker for the sealer.

Preview
Away trip hurrah! Well no actually. Ever get the feeling that the meticulous planning that goes into something like this will end up being unappreciated by some person or people? Who will go out of their way to fuck it up for everyone else? I don't know why, but that's the feeling I'm getting. Call it my cynical streak or woman's intuition, whatever it is, it's tempering the excitement that I'm feeling. Maybe I'm too bourgeois? But you know someone will probably over consume glorified urine. Partake of poisoned truckstop fruit. Blow off a useful limb or burn off an eyebrow or two. Lose their temper and be unable to find it. Make a costly mistake. It's all fun and games... ta polla gelia telionon sta klamata... have fun everyone... I'll try my best not to be that person, and I hope that you do too.

There was movement at the station

Head to this site for info on our supporters trip to Canberra for the AIS match on June 22nd. Then ponder why the SMFC Board won't put it up themselves.

http://smfcsupporters.com.au/

South off to Canberra for AIS game

Now I know this was confirmed some two months ago for Morwell, but it appears that the AIS have chucked a sook at not being able to get back to Melbourne in time to catch the last flight to Canberra, so now it seems almost 100% certain that the game will be moved up to AIS Feild 14, making it South's first interstate trip since the Hindmarsh semi-final game against Adelaide United back in 2004, our last NSL game.

Plans are currently underway to ascertain costs and interest for a bus trip up to Canberra. More news as it comes to hand.

Maybe I'll even get to say hi to Eamonn!

While searching through my archives...

...for a particular edition of Mad Magazine, I happened upon the sports section of the Herald Sun the day after we won the 1999 title. One day I'll scan the photos and articles, but for today here's snippet from the scores lists. Ah for the days when we were winning national titles and Heidelberg were two divisions below us.


Also check out the AIS goalscorers. Good to see someone made it out of that era in better shape, and on to bigger and better things

Masochism for beginners

Thanks to those who took these videos. This time Cliff had no trouble with being potentially hit by the ball.

First up, from right behind the goals.



And from a slight angle.



Better luck next time, I guess. Tomorrow's lesson will be on how to correspond effectively with your constituents.

Disappointing - South Melbourne 0 Australian Institute of Sport 2

I wish I could write more, but after deliberately waiting until the day after, so as to be calmer about the whole thing, this is just about all I could come up with. That these days, every loss is like a little death. The club's heart is fragile, and while the core will always be there, their willpower becomes weaker and their enthusiasm becomes drained. That kind of performance, lacking energy and direction, is not necessarily just a one off on the field. It's the kind of performance that could perhaps define us as a club; tired and without a sense of purpose.

And despite the lack of intensity and the general lack of method, we still created chances enough in the first half. Had a penalty. Could have taken the lead. But perhaps it's better that we didn't. To keep the game going at 0-0, to see what we would do in that situation. As expected, not much. I was an advocate of removing Johnny A' at the end of last season. To me, it had been obvious that part of the cycle had run its course. Leaving aside Green Gully's Ian Dobson, who took time off for family reasons, we're the only club who hasn't changed coaches in the three and bit years if post-NSL VPL. There was a case for giving him another year, in that he had won us the championship in 2006; but for mine it was better to nip the downward spiral in the bud. Some may say it's only been 5 weeks, but it's been more like 18 weeks. How much longer? And even if we do win the derby against Preston this week, will that be a one off or a true return to form. I suspect the former.

Barbecue Day! Free Ladies! South Melbourne take on AIS on Assimilated Pagan Festival Monday

I think it's fairly safe to say that most people will turning up for the free BBQ, a select few because it's 'ladies day', and everyone else, probably parents of the AIS lads.

Last time they met:
Round 9, 2007 at Lakeside Stadium

Australian Institute of Sport 1 South Melbourne 2

South were fortunate to take all three points from this match. They scored first, but the visitors leveled within a minute. South managed to sneak a second in before the break, and after that, despite outrunning, outplaying and outlasting the 'away' team, the AIS couldn't put the ball in the back of the net, and therefore the goddess Tyche smiled on Hellas for once. The Institute had a highly competent team on the park, but ultimately lacked players with the x-factor.

Preview
The AIS are one of the better teams thus far. Three wins, a draw, and another three points here will send them top of the table. It seems they're actually taking the competition seriously this time around, not chopping and changing their squad week by week. But we are only five rounds into it, so there's time to go back to old ways. But really, what do the AIS offer Victorian football? High costs to host them since they bring zero fans. High costs to travel to Canberra to play them. Taking the spot of a local team. A team which does not have the same costs of facilities or player payments, has different transfer rules, and which should realistically be playing in the new A-League Youth, er, league, and leaving us alone to play with our stupid wog hobby horses.

As for South, they need to start winning games. That's about it. You want more in depth? Buy Neos Kosmos. Better yet, buy The Age, that great sporting paper, which would never, ever cover 2nd tier sport, unless it was aussie rules, in which case let's go down all the way to whatever level of the Under The Table Ammos or Bumpkin River District League you can find results on. Anything so you-know-who won't have to get up off the couch and report on something other than what some third rate aussie player had for breakfast before taking his position on the pine for some division 50 club in Engerlund. And let's keep those wire services going as a financial concern with crusty day old results from Portugal and Spain, which anyone who actually gave a toss would already know because of something called the Internet. Because what exists here and now, during the time when the magnificent Alpha-League is in the phase I like best, its 23 month off-season, is not worth reporting on.

By the way, South'll do well to get a draw out of this one. The way we're going, I just hope the snags are good and I don't get food poisoning.

To Morwell it is - AIS away match venue settled

While the Shepparton trip seemed like a good bet at one stage, turns out that one of the other suggestions from my part of that link has come true, and South will be heading to Morwell and Falcons Park for the first time in 7 years. As seen on Soccer-Forum:


Institute pours cold water on cup game plans Teo Pellizzeri

Cobram Victory and Shepparton South have been denied the chance to host Foxtel Cup Victorian state league games after proposed plans fell through at the Australian Institute of Sport's end.

After passing a ground inspection last week, South was hopeful of playing host to a match between AIS and former National Soccer League champion South Melbourne, while Victory had Whittlesea Zebras lined up.

But left with a choice of Morwell or Shepparton, South Melbourne opted to return to La Trobe City Sports Stadium where it played various Gippsland franchises in the now-defunct national league.

Victory's plans were scuppered by an overseas tour for the AIS to the Hong Kong Sevens tournament on what was the proposed weekend for the match in late May.

Football Federation Victoria operations manager Tony Persoglia said the South Melbourne match had been keenly sought after and ultimately it was the club that turned down Shepparton in favour of Morwell.

``It was the fixture every rural association wanted,'' Persoglia said.

``The AIS and our chief executive Mark Rendell struck a deal for four games to go to rural Victoria and this has left Shepparton with the one game.

``There were issues for the AIS trying to raise the funds to continually travel around rural Victoria and also clashes with the international calendar.''

Mercury Dve will host AIS' match against defending Foxtel Cup champion Preston Lions, with Shepparton playing Tatura as the curtain raiser on July 19.


Should be fun, though being on a Saturday it means that there'll South fans playing games who will miss it. Will they also put on a curtain raiser? Also interesting to see that we were highly sought after by the various regional centres. Perhaps we should listen to the Victorian Government's advice and relocate to Provincial Victoria, where we can build a nice house, take heaps of holidays, find plenty of work and take up whatever other hokey promises they've made in their ads. Goodness knows our current inner city lifestyle ain't going too flash.

Also changed the blog's font, should be easier to read now. Times New Roman, what was I thinking?

South set to play AIS in Shepparton?

Ever since it was announced that the AIS would seek to host 'home' games in regional Victoria and it's own base in Canberra (with them subsidising travel costs for the visiting teams), there's been rumours flying around who would play where, with the most common ones being the Knights playing in Canberra and Preston in Shepparton respectively, where both clubs have numerous supporters. Frankston Pines are travelling up to Canberra this week, meaning this ain't no pipe dream.

But what about South? Up to this point it's been more of a wish-list sort of scenario without any real concrete evidence suggesting we'll go anywhere at all. Canberra seemed popular amongst fans, though allegedly players find Albury far more fun. Morwell would be a nostalgic option, a return to Falcons Park after so many years absence. But according to a recent article in the Shepparton News, negotiations are taking place to send South to the Goulburn Valley.

Shepparton South has targeted former National Soccer League champion South Melbourne's match against AIS on the weekend of June 21 and 22.

"We are hoping to play the match on the Saturday with Shepparton United as the curtain raiser," South assistant coach Joe Artavilla said.


Anywhere's fine with me, as long as we get a road trip of sorts. I've been to 'Shepp' only the once, the first time we stopped on the way to the Gold Coast for a school camp (more a theme park tour really). When we left Melbourne the temperature would have been in the low 20s and was overcast. When we got to Shepp, it was fucking hot, 30+ degrees, and there was someone aboout 50 years the wrong side of 17 working at the Hungry Jacks we stopped at, which only added to the culture shock. The old man used to work out there too in the tomato fields. If it does go ahead, and I hope that it does, it'd be good to actually get there early enough for the proposed curtain raiser between Shepp United and Shepp South. Come on people, make this happen!