Thursday, 9 September 2010

Kiss of Death, Grand Final Edition 2010

I’m only doing this edition due to the amount of fan mail I have been getting the last week, begging for a Grand Final preview. The VPL died for me at the end of the home and away season. I will not be attending the Grand Final, and I certainly don’t give a dead dingo's donger who wins it. But suffice, I will preview it to appease my 72,000+ fans who have absolutely buried me in snail mail and emails.

Here it goes… (thinks of something stupid to open the preview with) Ah ha! Got it. AAMI Park this Saturday evening hosts the VPL Grand Final of season 2010 at 7pm. Conveniently parking will be easy to find with the Western Bulldogs taking on the Sydney Swans at the MCG at 7.20pm. Seriously what are the head honchos thinking? Scheduling a VPL final across the road from an AFL Semi Final which will most likely attract a crowd of 50,000+ fans. Do you think the AFL fans are worrying about parking? Do you think that the pittance of Green Gully and Richmond fans will be there early enough (around 4.30pm) to secure their spots somewhere around AAMI Park? Me thinks not. Anyone with a smidgen of a brain would’ve scheduled the VPL Grand Final at a venue appropriate to the average VPL crowd of 1,200. Let me remind you of some suitable venues. Knights Stadium, Epping Stadium, Olympic Village, hell even Paisley Park or Kingston Heath could’ve handled the masses on Saturday. But no. You people think you know something, but let me tell you, you know fuck all.

Richmond have been a top two side basically all season. Playing eh, not bad football at times, yet getting the results. A tip for all you prospective or current coaches who read this piece. In Australia, fancy football doesn’t win you shit. At the end of the day you need to win games, and frankly who cares how you do it. This is what Chatz has put into the minds of his players and the results are pretty much speaking for themselves.

Green Gully is giving away free tickets for this match. So if you want to save some hard earned coin, go to their website and read up on what you need to do. I haven’t seen it but people reckon it’s true. Gully has played well and has had a few problemos this year, but then again who hasn’t? They stabilised the ship on their run into the finals and have delivered a Grand Final appearance. I’d like to be a fly on the wall when security tries to confiscate the tea/coffee and bikkies from the Gully fans.

They will tell you that the attendance was 5,000+ people, but the real figure will be under 600. Note to the head honchos. Before you fudge the attendance figures, think of one very, very important thing. The Melbourne Heart also play from that venue and last week a measly 4,100 turned up. People will remember this when you publish 5,000 attended the VPL final and have a laughing fit.

I predict the game will end in a 2-2 draw and go to penalties with Gully winning 5-4.

Now a little rant which I have been keeping bottled up for a while. What a shit season. Not due to the teams who were in it, but due to outside powers who are hell bent on not allowing the result to be decided on the pitch. You know, it is frustrating when teams are handed fines and point deductions bigger than the competitions around the rest of the world. It’s as if they think that the clubs in this league are fully professional and bathe themselves in money. A lot of volunteers keep these clubs afloat by putting many, many hard, long, unpaid hours and money into them. They don’t get paid executive wages and are there for the love of the club and sport. I think it would be really cool if the head honchos start getting more actively involved in the clubs around the state and not only showing up to finals matches and keeping an eye on the till, and making out that they give a toss about the sport. Frankly, you people are the cause of people leaving the sport in droves. Why do you think the attendances are so low? Why do you think that no one gives a shit about you? It’s because when they see that teams are deducted 3 championship pts for not showing up to the Gold Medal night, or the tribunal hearings are so inconsistent it’s no longer funny or you’re so in love with the A-League you forget why you’re really there.

The Kiss of Death is in the process of undergoing a facelift and will become more active in bitching about Victorian Football. The Kiss of Death will name and shame and has found a new home. The Kiss of Death would like to thank the owner of this blog for providing me with a platform, for never asking me who I was, and to all my loyal readers, I bid you farewell. I leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.'
- Les Ferdinand

1 comment:

  1. South of the Border would like to thank the Kiss of Death for its contributions throughout the year, and we will keep our readers updated of the new Kiss of Death spin off enterprise when it begins.

    For the record, I am planning to go to the VPL grand final, if only for the novelties of a tiny crowd in such a massive stadium, and the rare opportunity to visit the Bubbledome without having to deal with an A-League, Melbourne Storm or Melbourne Rebels match.


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