2012 Season Preview Memorial Entry

Clatter, crash, clack!
Racket, bang, thump!
Rattle, clang, crack, thud, whack, bam!

Who could forget our article from last year on Michael Lynch's imaginary tour of the kitchens of the Victorian Premier League? Well not me, and certainly not Ian Syson nor Lynch himself. Here's a recent twitter exchange.

@micklynch_age @tweetwhiteline @gatty54 @ecpkoko be time for your vpl preview Michael?
— Ian Syson (@IanSyson) March 18, 2013

@iansyson my guide to multi racial Australia's cuisine you mean??
— Michael Lynch (@MickLynch_Age) March 18, 2013

Anyway, even if you had a look at that blog entry last year, take a look at it again - I added a couple of 'year on' observations, one much sadder than the other. You can decide for yourselves which one fits that bill.

More Spanos/Learning Greek Is Fun/Fixtures! Wait, Fixtures?

James Spanos Wins Under 21s Best and Fairest
I don't know why we're surprised anymore - James Spanos does it again, winning the under 21s best and fairest. The man is incredible, especially since he goes almost completely unnoticed by this blog and even most other pundits. Maybe it's time we truly admitted that our infatuation with one particular under 21s player this season has clouded our judgement to the detriment of our reporting.

So well done to Spanos, and well to the South Melbourne Super Duper Academy Revolution 3000, for not needing to actually have a proper voting system for finding out who the best 21s player was this season, and just going for Spanos. Excelsior!

Pateraki and Rombotis, Behind the Bike Sheds After School
Congratulations to all my non-Greek readers, you're about to get an off-season lesson in this beautiful language.

• Τζαμπατζήδες, tzambatzithes - freeloaders or cheapskates is a good start, but this Greek phrase its own certain je ne sais quoi.
• ψευτες, pseftes - liars
• Kύριος Kεραυνος, Kyrios Keravnos - Lord (or Mister) Thunder
• παπαγαλοι, papagali - parrots
• Βραζιλία, Vrazilia - Brazil 
• σπορια, sporia - seeds

If you missed the 3XY sports program, well hooley dooley, did you miss some fireworks. Host Kostas Paterakis was mad. Really mad. It seems as if Stathis Rombotis said so0me really nasty things about Pateraki and 3XY, because Pateraki was breathing fire.

Now, I haven't read the original article that seems to fired Paterakis up so much, but for the next hour or so, he laid into Rombotis. For once South wasn't copping the brunt, or indeed any flak in their coverage. This was personal.

It started off with παπαγαλοι and σπορια, and got more hilarious from there. Judging by Paterakis' tirade, Rombotis (whom Paterakis kept calling Kύριος Kεραυνος) seems to have made the allegation that the whole 3XY (and perhaps by inference, Greek-Australian sports journalist fraternity) are Τζαμπατζήδες. Well, Kostas didn't take kindly to that, nor the allegation that he and his colleagues were ψευτες.

During elaboration of the matter, we somehow ended up in Βραζιλία, and the 2000 World Club Championships and who paid for who to get over there. Then we moved into the 2004 efforts to save the club, from which Paterakis claimed that Rombotis was absent.

Then Paterakis, absolutely fuming at this point, basically called Rombotis out, daring him to call, as long as he kept his call to five minutes, because they didn't want it to drag on for an hour. If Rombotis did call, he didn't make it to the air.

Some other highlights:

• The thunder sound affects they played at one stage
• Playing, I'm pretty sure it was this παπαγαλο song. I nearly died.
• Once again confirming why they have no time to cover anything on their show, by talking about this issue for about 50 minutes (and let's not forget the 20 minute chat with Kevin Muscat - I switched it off for that discussion).
• Mind you, they had finished with the issue, then George Karandonis turned up and it kicked off again.
• The claim made by Paterakis that, if they wanted to, they had plenty of other ways of hurting South. 

What was great about this hour long tirade, is that apart from the times when they're wrestling with whose microphone is supposed to be on, and callers dropping out, is that there was some actual effort put into the show. Little things like song selection and sound affects add so much. More please.

Still, disappointed that there was no sign of the promised extended talkback session on South's recent crisis. Nor was there any reference made to the previous week's promise to have a South representative on the show next week. Don't tell me that's going to end up not happening like the last time they made that promise?

2013 Fixtures
Apparently these were supposed to come out today. No such luck. A certain παπαγαλο has told us that the season will be starting on the week of April 6th.

2012 Best and/or Fairest night

The 2012 Theo Marmaras Medal for best and fairest was another tie, with Luke Byles and Dimi Tsiaras taking home the honours. Tsiaras won the media team of the year (voted for by the best damn media crew in the world, and me I think, that is if they counted my votes). Shaun Kelly won the golden boot obviously.

The Sam Papasavas Award for long time service to the club was awarded to John Kyrou & Cindy Nitsos, two long time volunteers. Apparently it doesn't equate to being awarded life membership though. Go figure.

The board/committee members seemed quite chipper about overcoming their recent problems. I mean, sure they have reason to be happy with themselves, but all that backslapping made me a feel a bit queasy. Or maybe that was just the calamari.

The rest? Byles' Hawaiian shirt was a shocker. The food ranged from bland to OK, and the soft drinks were watered down to buggery. It was a given that I wouldn't like the DJ's choice of music, but did he also have to play it so loud and distorted? In other words, the usual gripes from me.

More on Ta Nea's South Melbourne 2012 Crisis

Following last week's article on the Wellington Investments loan debt, Ta Nea has followed it up with another piece on what they're calling an 'exclusive exposé on the South Melbourne Football Club'.

Now I'd put up a scan of this latest article as was done for the previous effort, but I couldn't come up with an image capture that I felt was of adequate quality. In other words, it was too pixelated and grainy and stuff.

This time the article starts off with a justification being made as to why they're reporting on this issue, with a heady dose of emotion thrown in. I'm not too fond of the emotional blackmail attempt, because as a news service they have every right to report on South Melbourne or any other issue they want to.

As with last week, they list a series of issues or questions they believe the club needs to answer, this week using a numbering system as opposed to the infamous letter based method which saw 'point c' fail to show up (or point γ for γαμώτο as recently tweeted by Athas Zafiris).

The first point covers much the same ground as the first point covered in last week's article - namely, the status of the Lakeside lease, and why the final papers haven't been signed yet. Which is odd because South president Leo Athanasakis addressed that issue in the Neos Kosmos article, which only came into being because of Ta Nea's original article.

What's strange is that later on in in this week's Ta Nea article, there is reference made to the aforementioned Neos Kosmos article, but more on that later.

I'm not sure if this is deliberate misinformation or just poor wording, but they also write that South relinquished Lakeside Stadium, when in fact South relinquished the remaining six or so years of its exclusive lease - lest there be any confusion on the matter, South never owned Lakeside or any portion of it.

The second question is an intriguing one - 'are there any disgruntled suppliers of the club?'. I would have loved to seen some elaboration on this question from Ta Nea, but alas, the question just dangles there, only partially formed.

Their third point asks why SMFC does not contribute financially to the South Melbourne Women's FC. If I had to answer that, I'd probably say it's because the two clubs are separate entities, who are still (reportedly, anyway, though progress has been so slow as to make you wonder), trying to reach agreement as to how to move forward, hopefully under the same umbrella. I was under the assumption that this was fairly widely known. I wonder if SMWFC were asked to comment on this article?

Question four is more or less a repeat of last week's point 'd', asking where the $30,000 a month received from the government is going. Mismanagement is certainly being implied here, but nothing specific is detailed, and I really wish there had been. This kind of vague writing does no service to the issues, nor to Ta Nea. What's worse, if the implied mismanagement allegations are not true, will they be corrected in a prominent manner?

Question five actually tackles the issue of the juniors revamp in a relatively half decent manner. The price hike is quite significant, and it means that there will be talented players for whom South Melbourne will not be an option. One wonders though, again, how much research Ta Nea conducted on this matter? Did they attend the club's info night? Did they read my report of that info night?

Which brings us back to the Neos Kosmos article and the issue of the club's lease. One detail not brought up by either Neos Kosmos, or Ta Nea in its two articles, is the apparently imminent beginning of South's social club redevelopment, which will be entirely funded (at least according to the board) by a government grant of about $900,000. If the lease was on such thin ice, wouldn't it be worth reporting on that matter also? Or is it only access to the Lakeside Stadium playing field that is in doubt?

Now, I'm all for the protection of journalistic sources, and especially of corporate or government whistle-blowers, who need the protection of anonymity. But when Ta Nea identifies the positions that their sources have held at South, the anonymity of these sources is pointless, and only hurts the credibility of their reporting. Also problematic is that once again, there is a lack of a byline on the article.

I'm also interested in Ta Nea's sudden interest in the decline in South's membership numbers and attendance at AGMs. Again, if they had done even the most basic research, they would find two very obvious reasons for this. In terms of South's AGM numbers, since attendance is open only to social club members and life members, and not to season ticket holders, naturally there will a lower turnout for these things.

Is it the right approach? I'm not so sure. I think season ticket holders should be allowed to attend, though they should be barred from voting on matters relating to South Melbourne Hellas Soccer Club, which is the umbrella group which runs everything else. Melbourne Knights reportedly allow all of its members or season ticket holders to attend their AGM. But our arrangement is not unusual. Melbourne based AFL clubs use much the same system as we do.

In terms of membership numbers, blaming this board (or any board, for that matter) for that is ludicrous. I'd ask them to name just one sporting team in Australia, that's fallen permanently from the top tier, who have retained a significant amount of their top tier supporter base. Their assertions early on in the article, about the community supporting the club through the glory days of the 1970s, 90s etc, somehow fail to mention the lack of support the community has given to the club since the club returned to the VPL

When someone claims to be conducting an exposé, I want something substantial, something that will genuinely uncover gross incompetence or corruption. These articles have done neither. Frankly, half-arsed reporting like Ta Nea's recent articles belongs on blogs, not in the 'legitimate press'.

I Still Call South Melbourne Home

Words by SouthPole

I've been on forums that never close down
From soccer-forum to twg and old smscboard town
But no matter how far or how wide I roam
I still call smfcboard home

I'm always browsing, I love being free
And so I keep leaving the Hellas for Victory
But my heart lies waiting over the foam
I still call South Melbourne home

All the sons and daughters spinning 'round the world
Away from their family and friends
But as the FFA gets older and colder
It's good to know where your journey ends

And someday we'll all be together side by side
When all of the sellouts come back to Lakeside
I'll realize something I've always known
I still call South Melbourne home

But no matter how far or wide I roam
I still call South Melbourne, I still call South Melbourne, I still call South Melbourne home
But no matter how far or wide I roam
I still call South Melbourne, I still call South Melbourne, I still call South Melbourne home

South of the Border Awards 2012

Here are my crappy awards for 2012. I'll also be providing forecasts as to the winners of the 2022 season with my Nostradamus like powers based on the assumption that the National Competitions Review as put forward by the FFV gets up and going.

Player of the year: Dimi Tsiaras. Brad Norton could have won it for inexplicably playing more games then everyone sans Peter Gavalas. Luke Byles would have probably won it if I used a week by week voting system. But Tsiaras when he was playing at defensive mid, seemed to add a bit of cunt to the side. More of him in that position next season please, and less of him pinch hitting in defense as was asked of him in 2012.

2022 winner: Alain Prost Montgomery Trent Spoffington de Beaufort, the latest superstar out of the Xavier/Scotch/St Kevins etc 'my parents were loaded and I play football for South Melbourne' program.

Under 21 player of the year: The Cliff Hussey Memorial Trophy goes to Anthony Giannopoulos. Andrew Cartanos showed something in his stints at the end of the season; I liked Matko Budimir more as the year went on; Nicky Jacobs season was cruelly cut short the week after he bundled in the winner against Southern Stars. But bias propels me to pick 'Gia'. Last year his attitude and leadership qualities stank. This year, he's come along in leaps and bounds in both areas, and he appears to be a less selfish player. I was immensely disappointed he didn't get a run at all in the seniors in 2012.

2022 winner : We won't have under 21s by then. In the words of TISM, if you're not famous by fourteen, you're finished.

Goal of the year: 2012 was a very lean year for spectacular goals at South. So in that spirit, the award goes to Anthony Giannopoulos, for his amazing and sadly not caught on camera scissor against Oakleigh. He could have controlled it, he could have headed it, instead he went for the ridiculous and pulled it off.

2022 winner: After a 55 pass build up, James Spanos Junior, Esq. - inspired by watching Alessandro Del Piero during his Sydney FC stint - will nonchalantly curl one into the top corner.

Best performance: I would have said Oakleigh at home, where we dominated 88 of the 90 minutes, but I preferred Oakleigh away all the way back in round two. After getting beaten up for 30 minutes and being behind, we spent a good hour playing blistering football which made us all think we were due for big things in 2012.

2022 winner : It'll all depend on the KNVB methodology number crunchers.

Best away game of the year: Southern Stars. The chaos when Nicky Jacobs scored the winner was fun.

2022 winner: The Battle of Painkalac Dam against the Elwood City Grebes at the Moggs Creek gala day. Can't wait.

Call of the year: Lot of sadly memorable mentions, mostly originating from the mouth of Steve from Broady - 'the things that keep you up at night', 'get it in the mixer', 'what's for dinner'. But the clear winner had to be 'if they were at Northcote, they would have scored that', said by just about everyone, and by me even in cases and places where relevance was minimal.

2022 winner: In order to facilitate a 'fun, safe and positive environment for our children', all wit, including the sarcastic, withering, snide, sly, offbeat, cynical, existential and beatnik, will be prohibited.

Chant of the year: A few to choose from, but 'quack, quack, quack' from the Mighty Ducks takes the win this season

2022 winner: South Melbourne! (clap, clap, clap) South Melbourne! (clap, clap, clap)

Best after match dinner location: Technically, it was a pre-match dinner location, but Thai Deli on Clarendon Street (next door to the abominable Pizza Hut) was fabulous. Hope be there again soon - being closed on Sundays does make it harder to get there though.

2022 winner : Ontbijtkoek paired with Sisi.

Friends we lost along the way: Clarendon Corner, apparently. I wouldn't write them off so quickly though.

2022 winner : There will be no friends, only parents, and even then, only sometimes.

Barely related to anything highlight of the year: During driveway cricket at Southpole's house, bowling alleged cricket superstar Steve from Broady out for a first ball duck.

2022 winner : Sadly, the above will probably still be the highlight of my miserable existence.

Bill Fleming Medal - who was your player of the year?

Doesn't look like much of a medal. Photo:
Melbourne Knights official site.

After the farce of not being asked by the FFV to provide my nominees for the media's player of the year (and associated awards), despite having an FFV media pass, this year they've sent me the emails for my opinion. Thank Ganesha for that.

They operate via a 3-2-1 set up. Now, I'm not going to tell you who I'm voting for (for the record last year I would have voted for Andy Vlahos, while the winner was Richie Cardozo), but I would be interested to hear who my readership thinks was the player of the year.

So leave your comments - with some supporting evidence if possible - in the comments section. Entries of comedic value from people that only watched South games are welcome, but serious replies are what we're mostly looking for. It doesn't even have to be a South player (guffaw).

There are also awards for article and photo of the year. Again, I have some in mind, but if you've come across any that you think are worthwhile, let us know about them.

Apart from that. let's hope Michael Lynch doesn't get to present the award this year.

A Day To Remember - Heidelberg United 2 South Melbourne 5

Yesterday might not have been an argument for the FFV's proposed National Competitions Review reforms. But it certainly provided a solid argument that something needs to change.

It was an appalling crowd, even taking into account the poor seasons of both clubs, the decline of second tier crowds in general, and the decline of this once great derby. If there were 300 people there as reported by some, then half of them must have been in the Bergers' social club.

The Bergers, as is perhaps becoming the norm with struggling and even not completely struggling teams throughout the divisions, could barely manage to muster a reserves team. Reportedly starting with just nine players, they were 7-0 down before three of their players became injured, and the game was abandoned.

The field was atrocious, one of the worst I've ever seen at this level. Dribbling was almost impossible. Passes were only good if sent skimming across the surface rather than rolling. Players from both sides kept losing their footing, often without opposition interference.

The atmosphere, apart from Clarendon Corner going all out for one last hurrah before moving into at least semi-retirement, was dire. There have been Hellenic Cup matches with more of an edge than this, and not just because of a price hike in the price of souvlakia for the finals day.

The game itself at least had a couple of sides that tried to provide some sort of entertainment value. Heidelberg struggled to get too many chances, but were efficient initially. Some better crossing from our end would have seen a higher score, but who's complaining? Rixon, who came on in the second half for the first time since his six match suspension was ended, smashed a well hit shot against the crossbar. Another goal - possibly in the same sequence of play - was disallowed for offside. But we also had a smidgen of luck for once as well - one of our goals in the first half hit the post, went across the face of goal, hitting the hapless Heidelberg goalie before going in.

It was the first time we'd scored five against the Bergers since the NSL days, and the first time we'd beaten them three times in a row since that era as well. Don't ask for specificities on that though. Shaun Kelly, brought across mid-season for defensive replenishment, ended up as our top scorer for the season with a tally of four goals. Baggio Yousif managed to add his name to the list of South scorers, as did Matko Budimir.

Clarendon Corner had a ten year birthday/reunion celebration of sorts. Word is that the concept is being put into at least semi-hibernation. Six seasons of slop and a lack of new members will do that to people. There were a couple of new banners for the occasion, a march to the ground, solid chanting and some spirited moshpit activity.

Heidelberg Harismidis, in his role as ballboy, had a few chants and cheers directed his way, all in good fun. Somewhere between idiot savant and noble savage, and yet actually being possessed by something completely different altogether, his runs and up and down the sidelines of the VPL grounds will be missed, sort of.

Even George Katsakis, that most diehard of Alexandrians, managed to laugh along with a Clarendon Corner chant at his expense ('my cheesecake shop, is better/bigger than yours', I think it was). Gus Tsolakis pulled out a little party trick with a behind the leg pass from a ball going out of play. It was that kind of day, that kind of season. Both coaches have seen better days.

As far as we have fallen, at this stage at least we have not reached the depths that Heidelberg have fallen to. Yes, we hate them, want to thrash them, but it is also true that upon their eventual demise (should it actually happen) they will take with them a part of us. They are our shadow (our unheimlich, perhaps) - less successful for the most part, a perennial warning to what could happen to us if we ever get too hubristic, which is never too far away at South.

Later this week, we'll start talking about the NCR. Next week some time, I'll dish out my awards and a season review. I don't know about what the Kiss of Death has planned for the finals or for their awards, having being unable to provide content for the last month, and seeing as how they didn't manage to get an awards post up last season.

I can't promise much regular posting after that. Since I actually sorta work now, I have writing and reading that needs to be done for that part of my existence. But the NCR and social club work will keep us all enthralled. There'll be a best and fairest evening and an AGM.

Thank yous of course come at the end of the season, and you can wait your turn.

ΕΚΕΙ! ΕΚΕΙ! ΣΤΗ Β ΕΘΝΙΚΗ!

Once again, no Kiss of Death this week. Something to do with wrinkly fuel hoses or something.

Unlike other weeks where I piss fart around and at least attempt to consider the merits of the other games this round, I can't be bothered this week.

Except for their order, the finals teams are settled, as are the relegation teams.

There has been but one outright positive to come out of this season, and that has been the relegation of Heidelberg.

The fact that some people are too jaded to celebrate even this occurrence says more about them than anything else. That's Generation X for ya though, if you believe in that stuff.

Still, I'd rather win the match, and not just win, but destroy them.

Just an aside, last night I trundled down to the Central Zone forum for the National Competitions Review. Very interesting.

Let's just say for now, that the club has a ways to go before I am convinced of the correctness of the path they are seeking to choose.

Too little, too late - South Melbourne 1 Bentleigh Greens 1

This is really late. I don't even care about the alphabetical gimmick. There's a link to a match report that somebody else did further down.

20 odd other games of slop
That's where the season was lost. Yes, there were injuries, yes, there was bad luck, but there was also a lot of slop provided and bad decisions made throughout the season. Of a possible 30 points against the top five teams, we got 11. Three wins out of those ten matches (Northcote, and Oakleigh twice), and two draws (Bentleigh home, Thunder away). In addition, we dropped two points to the Zebras, three points to Stars, four points to Knights and Richmond - teams that did not make the finals. Got knocked out again by Port in the cup. And gone backwards against Gully.

Francesco Stella
Well done to Frannie, possibly still waiting for an international clearance, but Rangers have agreed to sign him, and he seems confident of getting a go in their first team sooner rather than later. Do your own search for interviews he's given, there's a few out there at the moment.

Chants
I don't know how much longer Clarendon Corner is going to last - apparently there's talk of winding it up, and their appearance have been getting steadily more sporadic - but when they try, they can come up with the lols. The latest noteworthy chant?



Eat your own
Yes, we're all frustrated by the way things have gone this season, and we can safely assume that if you're a regular at South you're just as passionate as you ever were, but some people need to act their age. For better or worse means just that. No need to carry on like a pork chop.

One and only
Was the intro script to a home match always like this in 2012? The ground announcer claimed that 'smfc.com.au was your only source for South news' or some such comment. Now I know we like to talk about South as little as possible on this blog, what with the space needed to be allocated to dinner reviews and pointless ephemera of the pseudo intellectual kind, but maybe saying your one 'official' voice would have been more tactful.

Heartless George Donikian
Former president George Donikian turned up to the game. Was disappointed by the result, but not so much that he wasn't already looking forward to the next A-League season on Twitter straight after the game.

Absolutely, more VPL fans need to sample A-League if they haven't. Heart FC is the team to embrace.

I don't really care  what people do in their out of South time A-League wise, as long they're open about it. But to try and drum up support for that franchise (which beat a South aligned bid, or have we forgotten?) straight after the game while we are still grieving for a cruel end to another failed season is insensitive at best.

Or to put it another way, fuck your A-League and Heart shit off, George.

Ace Reporter Ian Syson
And he did a match rundown/report of the match!My favourite part?

6.06. Second half underway. 

Got stuck in presidents room.

This lasted for about 28 minutes. Do read it, because I'm not going to bother recounting the day's on field events.

Next Week
Probably the most pointless derby of all time against the Bergers. Win lose or draw, we can't go anywhere important. They're doomed to State League 1 next season. Hopefully play some kids. That Cartanos kid did OK against Bentleigh.Can we at least turn into a carnival atmosphere.

Zenith
Congratulations to my Perth Glory supporting buddy Chris Egan, who has been selected to give a paper at the Worlds of Football conference in Melbourne in November.


And a huge happy birthday to Tony, no last name required, you know who you are. Good bloke, good friend, who always has my back when I piss off the wrong people.

I eat too much to die, and not enough to stay alive, I'm sitting in the middle waiting - Round 21, 2012

Apologies first up for the morbid title of this week match preview title.

No Kiss of Death again this week. Just watching the visitor stats fall week by week makes me consider putting the Kiss of Death on as paid staff. Which would be a brilliant idea except for the fact that I have no money, and even if I did, I could not compete with the Kiss of Death's current employer.

20:30 Friday 7th September, Oakleigh Cannons vs Northcote City, Jack Edwards Reserve
I was going to be at this game, seeing as how South's finals chances depend on it heavily. Then Moreland City and Altona East's postponed game got rescheduled for Friday night, and I was off to see that. And the I became a code traitor, thanks to Travis Cloke pulling a finger out of his flat track bully arse and getting Collingwood over the line against Essendon and into the top four, ready for a Friday night spanking against Hawthorn and me $65 out of pocket watching it from the top deck of the Ponsford. Good thing no one reads thing to tell me off. If Northcote can get two wins, they're in. Four points from the last two rounds, and they start worrying about other results. Less than that, and their crappy goal difference will see them miss out, surely. Oakleigh are still gunning for the double chance, so they won't be looking to let up just yet. I don't like them, but the Cannons should do enough here to be able to take their foot off the pedal next week. Oakleigh 2 Northcote 0.

20:30 Friday 7th September, Richmond vs Melbourne Knights, Kevin Bartlett Reserve
The arrival of Alessandro Del Piero is a massive coup for the Sydney FC, the A-League and Australian soccer. Not that I really care about any of those three things, and even less so for risky gimmicks like this which could backfire spectacularly. No, what I found most telling was the rather predictable response from certain bitter individuals, who poo-poohed the idea from start to finish, worrying about the cost, his age, the airy-fairyness of it all. All while neglecting Australian soccer's history of guest stint gimmicks (and even though Del Piero will be at least playing a whole season), including the excitement generated a few years ago by the mere rumour that Greek international and 1998 European Golden Boot winner Nikos Machlas would be coming to South, even just for a little bit. Anyway, both Richmond and Croatia are still in with a remote chance of making finals, provided they win both their matches and everyone else falls over. Meaning that if one of these teams can win this match, results in other games this round could flatten their finals chances anyway. More likely scenario is that it'll be a draw, and both teams will quietly remove themselves from the equation. Richmond 1 Keniggets 1.

15:00 Saturday 8th September, Green Gully vs Dandenong Thunder, Green Gully Reserve
The FFV, in their collective wisdom, have decided to stage grand final day this year after a Melbourne Heart game. And not just any Melbourne Heart fixture - the Wellington Phoenix one. Shades of Melbourne Victory's Parade of Champions farce much? Got to give the FFV and Melbourne Heart credit for trying though. The FFV probably thinks this is the only way to a) get a half decent crowd to watch the game and b) increase the possibility of Michael Lynch and/or David Davutovic being at the spectacle, maybe writing something, getting it published... though I'm not convinced  by the strategy - a similar initiative didn't do too well in Launceston last year - I'm willing to be proven wrong. It doesn't really phase me too much. The whole thing is just about dead anyway, and I get in for free regardless because of my media pass, which I'm actually beginning to wonder 'how the hell do I actually have one of these?'. Do my match reports stack up? Nah. Do my match previews, when I fill in for the Kiss of Death, provide any sort of meaningful insight? Is just commenting on the social ephemera surrounding the game make up for every other thing the blog is deficient in? I'm not convinced it is so. Thunder won the Dockerty Cup last week. Despite dominating, I also felt they were a bit lucky - Port Melbourne really should have pinched it at the end. They've wrapped up the minor premiership, so now the only thing left for them is to decide whether to put the cue in the rack for a couple of weeks. I don't think their form going into the finals should suffer too much if they do take that course. Gully needs just a point to secure a finals spot, but a bit more to get the double chance. Tough call. Gully 1 Thunder 0.

15:00 Saturday 8th September, Southern Stars vs Hume City, Kingston Heath Soccer Complex
Do yourselves a favour, and go and see the Napoleon exhibition currently at the NGV. I used a joint Game Masters/Napoleon ticket, and I wish I had only needed the latter. An incredible human being made for an incredible moment of history, yet the exhibit never neglects his immense hubris. Apart from the overarching story itself, go for the connections of late 18th and early 19th century France to Australia; go for the hat; and go for the metric clock and calendar. As to this fixture, fascinating little game here. Stars nothing to play for. Hume still gunning for finals. Expectation that little Turkish brother will roll over for big Turkish brother. But people are saying it won't happen. By the end of this game South fans, and everyone else, will have a much clearer idea what it will take to make the finals. I think Hume will win this game legit though, being the better team and all. Stars 0 Hume 2.

15:00 Sunday 9th September, Moreland Zebras vs Heidelberg United, Epping Stadium
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Zebras 2 Bergers 1.

17:00 Sunday 9th September, South Melbourne vs Bentleigh Greens
Special treat for everyone next week. This writer's near silence on the FFA and FFV's National Competitions Review will be one step closer to being broken, after I head to the FFV's presentation of the initiative to the Central Zone peoples next week (with Gains!). Last home game for the season. The equation for us is pretty simple. Win this week. Win next week. Hope other results go our way. Make finals. Keep winning. Bentleigh are no pushover though. They aren't spectacular, but they're above competent, and they only need a point to secure a finals place. I see a draw here, 1-1, but goodness I hope I'm wrong and we win and then smash the Bergers next week and go on to win the blessed thing.

Now With 30% Less Shrugging of Shoulders Than A Regular Blog Post - Northcote City 0 South Melbourne 1

How much attention did I pay to yesterday's match? I can't remember. I remember a bloke with a big blue Greek chocolate wrapper in his shirt pocket. I remember two dimmies and a potato cake. I remember South getting hammered for large periods of the game, and relying on counter attacks, in a neat role reversal from the last time we played. I also remember feeling a smidgen better our season, and that perhaps I should've taken on board the feelings of one of the anonymous comments people who said we were going to win (even though their score was wrong). Can you believe we beat Northcote, at Northcote? Scary, no?

A Comment On The Relationship Between South's Supporters And Players
Krusty: Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh? [No one answers] You people are the worst audience I've ever seen.
Man: You're the worst comedian we've ever seen!
Krusty: Oh, great! Well, we'll just sit here silently for the next ninety minutes.
Man: Fine with us.

Clarendon Corner
Genius idea mooted yesterday. Instead of CC vs OM21 (as was the old, short lived end of season tradition), we should have what's left of CC vs the actual South squad. Someone make this happen!

Everyone Hates Brad Norton
Not the most popular player among a certain of section of South supporters, he managed to score what looked like a pretty legit goal yesterday - only for it to be taken away by an offside call that befuddled many of the behind the goals crew. Was it offside? I don't know. For all his faults, he's pinched a crucial goal here and there.

Greek Singers
Try so hard to get rid of the effnik stigma and then you get some Greek singer (never heard of him, 'something' Melas) to toss the coin. Just bring out the goats and dancing groups again, get it over and done with.

Hawthorn Invading Lakeside
Watching channel 10 news today (it was on when I got home, OK?) and saw Hawthorn players running around a familiar venue, though it was named as 'Melbourne Sports and Aquatic Centre'. No idea what that was about.

Neil Armstrong (with apologies to Neil, his family, and the friends and family of the deceased person who was being honoured at Northcote yesterday)
I don't even know where to begin or how to relate this story. As we walked into the ground before the reserves, there was a minute's silence taking place. We didn't know who it was for, so when Steve from Broady asked the question, I answered probably Neil Armstrong. He seemed a bit surprised by this? Did Neil die? Yeah, was reported this morning. After a bit more chat, it turns out that Steve from Broady though I was talking about South's own Jimmy Armstrong. Then somehow, his brain fade continuing even after we established what I was talking about, he asked, 'did he (that is, Neil) used to come to South games?' What can you do in such a situation, except laugh, while still berating him for his utter stupidity.

Next Match
Not this week. Cup final is on at Lakeside between Port Melbourne and Dandenong Thunder. Might head down there. Might not. Then Bentleigh Greens for our final home match of the season Sunday week. Step 2 of 7 in our must win at all costs to win the title campaign.

Ross Aloisi (Cool Story Bro Department)
Walking towards John Cain at about 1:00, some blokes with FFA gear trot across our path towards one of the nearby fields. One of the blokes has this exchange with me

Bloke: Are South playing today?
Me: Yep.
Bloke: I thought they played last night.
Me: Nup.

Thrilling stuff. Later on Gains and Steve from Broady inform me that was Ross Aloisi, reaffirming how out of touch I am. If it was John Aloisi, would have congratulated him for bleeding the A-League out of a few million while doing fuck all for it. Then again, probably not.

Take This Job and and Shove It! Department
You get to see a fair few dummy spits in the dregs of state league 2 north west reserves. And there were a few to choose from last Saturday at Altona East vs Preston. The bloke who got subbed (after 70 minutes, mind) and took about two minutes to walk off the field would normally win the prize, but credit to Preston's volunteer linesman who was so disgusted by his offside call being ignored (leading to Altona East sealing the game at 3-1) that he threw his flag onto the field and trundled off back to the gravel hill. No carry on after that, just stood with his mates and watched the rest of the game.

Under 21s
Well beaten by Northcote, 3-1. The one goal we did manage was pretty funny though. No further comment.

VPL Discussion/A Story About The Death of Pretence
Ah, the halcyon days of the A-League's formation. When those who sought to extend an olive branch from new dawn to crusty bitter attempted to show their inclusiveness by talking about the VPL in a special thread on their forum. I'm glad that phase is over. Like a divorced couple who still want to be friends for the sake of the children, the hatred that lead to the split eventually returned, just turned into indifference.

Zenith
So, are we the real Northcote yet? There can be only one!

Pinch hitting for the Kiss of Death, Round 20, 2012

The Kiss of Death says that they've been flat out this week and can't be sure they'd be able to produce something for this week. So I'm pinch hitting for this round, while I wait here at Victoria University's St Albans campus for the HR, Admin and IT people to figure out how to get me a proper identity card. Ever get the feeling that people in these jobs end up making more work for themselves, to justify the existence and proliferation of their positions?

On to this week's games. I initially felt good doing some of these again, but only ended up liking two of them. Such is life.

8:15 PM Friday 24 August, Bentleigh Greens (4th) vs Heidelberg United (12th) - Kingston Heath Soccer Complex
Bentleigh have almost secured a finals spot. They could even manage to snare the double chance. But first things first. The Bergers are done and dusted for 2012. Even their cup run was ended by Dandenong Thunder on Tuesday night, so there's literally nothing to play for any more. Pride? Money? Love of the game? Bah, humbug. The one shining light as far as I can gather has been the form of Kristian Sarkies. Somehow he's defied all expectations - well my uneducated ones at least - of cementing his hard earned reputation of being the most over-hyped player this side of, let's say Travis Cloke for want of a better example, and actually did a pretty decent job in his half season stint there. He's scored goals, including some from free kicks! A bit late perhaps to restore his former (and bizarre) reputation as some sort of set piece specialist, but perhaps just in time for when the A-League unleashes its next wave of expansion with Back of Bourke United, FC Beyond the Black Stump, and East Altona PAOKARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like their fellow northern suburbs brethren in Preston, the Bergers have had a habit of just not going away, even when everyone else wants them to. Year after year, season after season, their immediate and deserved demotion to the lower leagues was deemed inevitable. But they defied the odds at every turn, not just avoiding relegation and making finals, but also proving to be a real pain in the arse for South in particular (though hilariously, they've switched their attention to the Knights this season). But not this year. So desperate did the Bergers get, that they even recalled George Katsakis back to the coaching helm, but that didn't work. And the less said about Katsakis coaching two clubs at once the better (he also took control of the big talking, but done nothing Clifton Hill in state league two. Having said all of that, this is one of those times you want them to win, because South's remarkably still alive finals aspirations depend on it. But Bentleigh, though a rather unremarkable unit overall (come one, their squad includes Nic Curtis and Johnny is the gaffer!), play half decent football - and while often that in itself can be a death sentence for a club in this league, they've made it work, and according to the paid boffins at the FFV, have scarcely been out of the five all season. Add to that the Bergers' just god damn awful defence, and the miracle result (among many in the rubric) needed for South to make finals just ain't happening. Bentleigh 3 Heidelberg 1.

8:30 PM Friday 24 August, Hume City (6th) vs Richmond (7th) - Epping Stadium 
The rise and fall of the Victorian Premier League resembles that of the Ottoman Empire. Discuss. But seriously, has there ever been a club in which descriptions of its activities and even raison d'être include the word 'allegedly' as much as Hume City? And especially when you consider that the word 'allegedly' is not thrown in for fear of legal action but due to fear of (removed due to legal advice)?  And what of Richmond? The reason most people endorse this club's participation is because of the quality of their canteen, which really is straight out of the Michael Lynch book on multiculturalism. Not that there's anything wrong with that, except when they overcook their burgers. That makes me a little less sympathetic to their cause, especially when it's raining so hard at their ground that there's nothing to do but sit in their cosy but no good for football viewing social club and eat more food, especially if you're only going to look like a pig when you order your fourth or fifth piece of poppy seed cake, with whipped cream of course. Both sides are in the finals race, but a loss for either of them here ends it all. A draw would be just as disastrous. And in that spirit, Hume City 2 Richmond 2.

7:00 PM Saturday 25 August, Dandenong Thunder (1st) vs Oakleigh Cannons (2nd) - George Andrews Reserve
Top of the table clash, possible precursor to the grand final. Oakleigh haven't impressed me pretty much at all this season, with the exception of Ricky Diaco. If there was justice in this world, Dandenong would have been crowned champions back in 2009 when they dominated the league, and would need just a point in their last three games to be awarded the same honour. But it doesn't work like that. Ask Port Melbourne, St Albans, Port Melbourne again, Oakleigh, Fawkner, Preston, even Green Gully, all teams who failed to win the title from first place. Unless someone gets a lengthy suspension or injury, or the FFV wields a massive point deduction for who knows what reason, this game doesn't really matter. Thunder 4 Oakleigh 2.

3:00 PM Sunday 26 August, Moreland Zebras (11th) vs Southern Stars (10th) - Epping Stadium
Before the season started, Moreland talked big. Supercoach Dom Barba. Striker Vinnie Flaherty would tear the league apart. Griffin McMaster in goals. The big name signings of 2005 2007 2010 2012 in Daniel Vasilevski and Carl Recchia. And how did that turn out? Barba sacked after a couple of games. Flaherty back in Ireland. McMaster now trying to pinch a title with a very late season move to Bentleigh (while being linked to South in 2013). Vasilevski as usual playing on one leg. Recchia trying to get back into a South shirt for next season. And the 2011 state league one champions relegated with three games to go. Meanwhile, Southern Stars, who fell into promotion to the VPL because of the premature ejaculation that was Port Melbourne's 2011 season, have somehow managed to survive. They've payed their players bugger all since halfway through the season. They play a simple game based on stacking the defense. They were the first team to beat Dandenong, when it looked like the Thunder might go undefeated for the season. And they're also the best dressed team in the league by far. And then rumours started that they didn't want to be in the VPL in 2013, because of the costs. One could ask why not just go for an extreme youth policy, not necessarily cheap and nasty, but at least cheap. One could also ask, that if they really didn't want to stay in the league, why did they try so hard to avoid relegation? The possible latent irony in all this, is that should they decide to bail on the VPL, Stars' 2013 place would firstly be offered to the team that finished 11th in 2012. And at the moment, that's good ol' Juve who, while they are no chance of avoiding relegation by conventional means, are still not quite safe from finishing stone cold motherless last, what with being just one point ahead of Heidelberg. Add to that the rather morbid (but hilarious) interest in where the Zebras will play next year, what with the scurrilous rumour that if the Zebras do get relegated and Pascoe Vale get promoted, that the Zebras won't get preference for use of the upgraded De Chene Reserve facility. Are fanciful internet rumours enough to get more than a dozen people from either side to this game? Probably not. Zebras 1 Stars 1.

3:00 PM Sunday 26 August, Northcote City (5th) vs South Melbourne (8th) - John Cain Memorial Park
People who don't know any better say that writing is easy. That all it takes is sitting your fat arse down in front of the computer and just banging away. Never mind that the majority of those people making such claims usually can't do much more than spell their own name, and if asked would quickly baulk at being asked to write anything requiring even the merest hint of comprehension and creativity. That being said, those people are actually half right. Any chimp can sit at a computer and type up all sorts of garbage, and if one or two people are amused by it, they can then convince themselves of being some sort of underground genius, on the cutting edge of satire. Unlike real writers however, those people of course almost never get paid for those kinds of efforts, and rightly so. We readily acknowledge that this blog sits firmly within that category. Then again, does merely being paid for your work make you a professional? Or do you have to adhere to some standards above what might be expected of a hobbyist? I ask this question because it's fair to say we have often not seen those elevated standards, or even attitudes, from South players this season. A recent discussion on soccer-forum.net posed the question about which players should be kept, and which ones should be turfed out. I had the bulk of my response up and ready to go, before reconsidering. For starters, the season is still not quite over. Neither are we officially out of the finals race. And what would happen if, hypothetically, I had demanded that only a third of the players in our squad were definitely worth keeping? How foolish would it be to berate everyone else for calling for another off-season squad pogrom while doing near enough to the exact same thing? And yet, I found I struggled to fill a starting eleven's worth of names... South has never beaten Northcote in the VPL. Northcote is also the only team to defeat South at John Cain. All of that means nothing, especially since it's likely that none of the original Northcote triumvirate of Trifiro, Rixon and Trifiro will start the game. One because he's suspended, one because he's representing caveman stone throwers in Sydney, and the other because his heart doesn't seem to be in it any more. Northcote 1 South 0.

3:00 PM Sunday 26 August, Melbourne Knights (9th) vs Green Gully Cavaliers (3rd) - Knights Stadium
Back in 1978, or 1983, this game would have attracted a decent crowd. Maybe as many as 3,000 Croatians and 30 Gully fans, sardined into Montgomery Park in Essendon before the local residents had had enough, or taking up a position on the hill at Green Gully Reserve. Now it will probably attract 300 Croatians and 30 Gully fans. Someone should investigate whether the make up of those 30 Gully fans has changed at all in the intervening 30 years. Back then, these two clubs, along with Preston, were the leading sides of the state league in the immediate post-NSL era. Gully are the only Victorian ex-NSL club to have properly settled into the long haul of VPL hell. Mooroolbark got stooged by the system and ended up in the provisional leagues. Morwell disintegrated once the irreplaceable driving force of Don Di Fabrizio departed the helm. Juventus cut up their carcass into a million tiny pieces and reused the meat several times when the meal kept getting sent back to the kitchen. Preston is in state league two, and may have finally steadied themselves, though they're still a real chance of getting relegated to state three. J.U.S.T. fell over more or less in tune with the Iron Curtain. South persisted with delusions of grandeur and relevance almost to oblivion, before offering the government and Collingwood a way out of their years of neglect of Olympic Park and Victoria Park respectively. The Bergers continue to blame South for their demotion from the NSL in 1995, despite having had a solid decade or so of being an absolute rabble before that. The Georgies subsist on a diet of Elvis impersonator gigs, seafood nights, and the hope that one day they will actually move out of Chaplin Reserve with a dump truck full of money, which they will then probably squander in the most unimaginative way possible - by trying to buy a VPL title in the belief that it will bring back people to the club. Chopper Read once said of spending time in prison, that those who wouldn't reconcile themselves to the fact that they were in prison, and the fact that prison life was entirely different to 'real' life, were inevitably the ones who suffered the most from the experience. Now, I don't really know how much like a prison the VPL and the state leagues are. After all, most people eventually get out of prison. It might take 20 years, but people do get out of refugee camps in Kenya. People have been released from Guantanamo Bay. And even though it required Stalin carking it, people even managed to get out of the gulags. No, the Victorian system is more like the Hotel California, in that you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave. So credit must go to the Knights for becoming perhaps only the second ex-NSL club from Victoria to cotton on to the fact that they are here to stay, and that they should adapt to the situation. Still, this is the now traditional time of year where Gully ramps up their efforts to bore everyone to death on their way to another title. Knights' very slim chance of a finals appearance to be ended, regardless of more Jake Nakic heroics. Knights 0 Gully 2.

BANGED MY HEAD ON THE CAPSLOCK TOO HARD AND NOW IT'S STUCK

The South Melbourne Dim Sim in hot oil for abusing South fans. 

REGARDLESS, I WILL NOT APOLOGISE FOR MY REPETITIVE WEEKLY RANTS BLAMING EVERYONE, YET FINDING NO ACTUAL SOLUTIONS, AND SELDOM IF EVER ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THE OTHER TEAMS ARE ALSO TRYING TO WIN AND ARE MAYBE BETTER THAN US FOR A MYRIAD OF REASONS MOST OF WHICH ARE OUR OUT OF A COMMITTEE'S CONTROL - ΕΣEΙΣ ΦTAITE! I WILL ALSO NOT APOLOGISE FOR CONTRADICTING MYSELF BY CALLING FOR STABILITY WHILE WANTING EVERYONE TO BE SACKED. BESIDES, YELLING IN CAPITAL LETTERS IS FUN! ESPECIALLY WHEN IT HAS BEEN SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN TO INCREASE THE PERFORMANCE OF OUR PLAYERS. A RECENT STUDY BY THE PONDS INSTITUTE PROVES THAT THE PLAYERS PLAY BETTER WHEN THEY TAKE ONBOARD MY POSTS ON A FORUM THEY CAN'T ACCESS AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE HAS FORGOTTEN EXISTS! I DON'T CARE THAT THE LAST NEW PERSON TO SIGN UP DID SO IN JULY 2011 AND THAT PERSON HAD ALREADY BEEN REGISTERED THERE BEFORE! AND TO THE SOUTH MELBOURNE DIM SIM, WHO HAS BEEN POSTING COMMENTS HERE TELLING ME TO SHUT UP, WHILE I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE A TASTY, ALBEIT ARTERY CLOGGING TREAT, I SUGGEST YOU STICK TO ABSORBING SOME MORE SOY SAUCE RATHER THAN HAVING A GO AT ME AND OTHER LOYAL SUPPORTERS OF THIS GREAT CLUB!

Nearly Done For 2012 - South Melbourne 1 Dandenong Thunder 2

Detective John Munch's legendary despondency has
 apparently infiltrated my efforts on this blog
and made them even more depressing

Steve from Broady hated the last match report blog. So, just for this week, maybe, we're taking a slightly different approach, back to the old slapdash ramshackle efforts. Steve said that the segmented approach made him feel even more depressed by my efforts than usual, being able to visualise the resigned (and implied? inferred? Detective Munch has screwed me up on the definitions of these after a recent episode I saw of Law and Order SVU) shrug of the shoulders after the end of each section.

Me, I personally blame the team for me taking that direction. But there's just three more weeks and one more dropped point or so, and we can go about forgetting another forgettable season. How appropriate that we'll likely be done and dusted at this coming week at Northcote City Hercules, the little team that could, the team whose relative success we'd try to take for ourselves, not realising that you can't just take that sense of camaraderie and spirit off a club, that for the most part you have to make it and earn it yourself.

Is there a little switch somewhere that we don't know about? We started like a house on fire, then disappeared for a 30-40 minute spell, before inexplicably turning it on again towards the end. I had no idea where that impetus came from. I'd almost rather we had not turned it on again. It just creates further confusion and angst. If I was a neutral, I perhaps would have said that was the best game all season, with an ebb and flow, attack and counter attack, and the game played in the right spirit.

But I'm not a neutral. Like most of my readership, regardless of the teams we support, and regardless of how much I love soccer as a sport, I am a partisan supporter of the game. I have my team, and when they lose, or have another frustrating season, the spectacle provided by a good game is little comfort.

Full credit to Dandenong - they were outplayed at the beginning of the match and at the end, but they dominated us in the middle section of the match like no team has at Lakeside for a long time, and found something to get themselves over the line at the end. They're a very even team across the park.

The coulda, woulda, shouldas will be out in force again. What if Gavalas' positioning for Thunder's first goal was better? What if Burton did even a little better with his pint blank range shot late in the match? What if we had tried to take the initiative at 1-1, when we were under the pump, instead of waiting and waiting and waiting.

Then again, what if Thunder had scored either or both of the chances they had cleared off their line? The game would have been done and dusted much earlier. That's the harsh reality of playing that kind of game. Still, we did make them look like an average team at times.

Lastly, the game was well officiated. Such a nice change.

P.S. I'm actually not particularly pleased with how this post turned out, but there's no taking that back now. I suppose there are worse things in life than to have penned a(nother) substandard blog piece. I just can't think of what that might be at this stage.

In other news

• The under 21s managed to eke out a 3-2 win. Baggio Yousif managed to net a hattrick, but who created all those opportunities?
• Check out Thunder's running track celebration later on SMFCTV or the youtube highlights. Bit sad that we gave them the opportunity to do that though.
• I'm one of the few that seems to have adjusted well to the new stadium layout - most others I speak to just can't seem to get a feel for it.
• I went to the Oakleigh - Melbourne Knights game on Friday night, which only made me angrier with our season. There's one consistently good team, being the Thunder; there's also Green Gully, who no one likes or watches but who can be counted on to get far; and there's the majority of the rest of the league who range from inconsistent at best to incompetent at worst, and for whom the fact that there are three extra spots up for grabs gives them an undeserved chance at playing finals and maybe even winning the title.
• Francesco Stella is apparently trialing with Rangers. The Scottish four tier it may be instead of the first, but we wish the stepover king well in his attempt to join a pretty famous club down on its luck. But then again, he's been in that position before...

Sometimes life gets in the way - Kiss of Death, Round 19, 2012

Sadly, we can't yet snap our fingers and make posts appear.

I got rushed this week Kiss of Death says. Make it look good Kiss of Death says.

Here's the thing. I just got my pigeonhole key today - four weeks into a twelve week semester. Do I really care about anything else at the moment?

Surely the Kiss of Death fanboys can deal with a slightly hampered edition of sophomoric humour, misplaced punctuation and more calls for Anthony Giannopoulos to get a run every once in a while.

You people out there pay nothing for this concoction - and I don't even use AdSense on it. Yet some of you have the nerve to say I should have my head kicked in because after nearly three seasons of the Kiss of Death being on this blog, you still think it's me writing it.

Anyway, we have a bit of a bonanza of Star Trek: The Next Generation coming up tonight - a Romulan episode, a Q episode, and the first of a two parter - so I best be off. Take it away, Kiss of Death.

Believe it or not, but work got the better of me this week. But instead of disappointing Paul and all you loyal readers, I actually put this together during MY lunch break. Enjoy.

Friday 8:15 PM Bentleigh Greens (5th) vs Moreland Zebras (11th)
Bentleigh had a 1-1 draw at Northcote, while Moreland lost 1-2 at home to Richmond. South needs a win to Moreland, so I’m tipping a win to them. I might be at this one, not sure yet. Bentleigh Greens 1 – Moreland Zebras 2.

Friday 8:30 PM Oakleigh Cannons (2nd) vs Melbourne Knights (9th)
Oakleigh had a 0-1 at Hume, while the Knights had a 2-2 draw at home to South Melbourne. The Knights were pretty good, and that second goal was a real pearler. The red card they copped was laughable at best. Oakeigh Cannons 2 – Melbourne Knights 2.

Friday 8:30 PM Richmond (6th) vs Southern Stars (10th)
Richmond had a 2-1 win at Moreland, while the Southern Stars had a respectable defeat at Green Gully 1-0. I need Southern Stars to get up at this one. Richmond 0 – Southern Stars 2.

Saturday 3:00 PM Green Gully Cavaliers (3rd) vs Hume City (8th)
Green Gully has a 1-0 against the Southern Stars, and Hume lost at home to Oakleigh 1-0. Green Gully 2 – Hume City 0, and an end to Hume's finals hopes.

Sunday 3:00 PM Heidelberg United (12th) vs Northcote City (4th)
Heidelberg got humped 5-0 at Dandenong and Northcote had a 1-1 draw with Bentleigh. This is a game Heidelberg should win despite their ladder showing. Heidelberg United 3 – Northcote 1.

Sunday 5:00 PM South Melbourne (7th) vs Dandenong Thunder (1st)

South Melbourne drew 2-2 at Somers Street, and Dandenong had a textbook 5-0 win over lowly Heidelberg. This is a must win match for South if they are to remain in the finals hunt. With all results tipped to go their way, all is looking good for this weekend. After going ahead in the first 90 seconds at Somers Street, South looked boring. To top it off, they bring on a kid named “Baggio” in the last ten or so minutes. I don’t have an issue with that. What I do have an issue with is the following. You have a bench including Gasparis on it. If he is good enough to be on the bench, then he is good enough to start. Oh hang on, he’s leaving for Greece after the game. Then do not include him on the teamsheet for fuck's sake! The other sub who was brought on, “Baggio”, played a half in the under 21’s. Yet the other two subs were fresh. Der. You would think one of them would come on instead. Simple, simple, simple. Not that I’m saying that cost us the win. What cost us the win was Fernando’s simple miss at the start of the second half. Not only that, but our desire to bombard the ten man opposition, instead of trying to spread them wide and keep possession is what cost us the three points. This week we need to win at all costs. If we lose, then bye bye finals. South Melbourne 3 – Dandenong Thunder 1.

Alphabet Soup - Melbourne Knights 2 South Melbourne 2

Didn't deserve to win, didn't deserve to lose. Out of that we somehow got a draw. There was controversy, lots of goals, bit of niggle, and yet it just didn't do something for me. Maybe I can sense the end of the season is coming for us, and I'm already subconsciously getting ready for it.

Anthony Giannopoulos
Still can't catch a break.

Baggio played for South!
But not the one you're thinking of.

Clarendon Corner
Going, going...

Derby
If a derby gets played in the woods (or the back blocks of Sunshine) and no one notices, did it actually happen?

English Premier League
Starts again this week, or so they tell me. Shoot me before my Facebook page gets cluttered with mostly Grecian Geezers (and I'm not referring to Exeter City fans).

Fernando De Moraes
Early in the second half he was provided with the best cross we've made since the 1999 NSL grand final, and we all thought it was in. It wasn't. Anyone else and we would have expected that.

Glen Trifiro
Does he even give a shit any more?

Heidelberg United
Sad that their troubles are the only thing we can smile about this season.

If We Are To Make The Finals...
My guess is that we'll have to get ten points from the remaining twelve. I think we'll fail at the first hurdle this week at home against Dandenong, but I would love to be proven wrong. PROVE ME WRONG BOYS! PROVE ME WRONG!

Joe Montemurro
Anyone notice anything different while he was coaching the last two weeks?

Kevin 'Power Trip' Docherty
Good on him for giving that red card to the Knights player, even if the players involved thought nothing much of the incident. Stupid and pointless act by the player in question.

Low Flying Aircraft
The view from Knights Stadium is good, but not quite up to the helicopters landing at Moorabbin Airport during a game at Kingston Heath.

Marinos Gasparis - Man For A Crisis
Apparently going off to Greece (mate's wedding) and will miss the next three games or so. Great stuff.

Nick Jacobs
Broke his leg while playing school football. Get well soon, champ.

Olympic Games
Thank Lucifer that crap is over. Now we can focus on sports we actually like again.

Pigeonhole Key

That's me next to David Hicks. We had some good times.

I think the reason that Victoria University and their crack security squad is stalling on this, is because I actually am a security threat. Hopefully my apology for chucking The New Citizen and other Larouchian propaganda into everyone's pigeonhole will be seen as sincere.

Quote of the Month
From our old acquaintance Mercs, who doesn't come around anymore, but whose blog we read for reminders that there are sporting clubs almost as fucked as ours, and for work like this.


You'd never turn back a win (well, you might if it was 2009 and SNIP - legal department) but a victory of this variety was a bit like on-screen nudity before the internet came along. Back in say 1992 you didn't know when you were going to see norgs again so anything looked good.

Ražniči
Not the best thing I've ever eaten at the soccer, but not the worst either, and great value at $6 with cabbage and onion! And service that was atypically cheerful for Knights Stadium.

Social Club
They tell me that they've finally and actually moved the stuff that me, Steve from Broady, Mr Valkanis, Polish Nick, Ryan the Intern (and possibly assorted others) put into boxes out of there, and into storage. Maybe we will get the

Twitter
I am now officially a Twit. Check me out at @PaulMavroudis, though I probably won't have much, if anything to say. How does this crap even work?

Unidentified Vehicle
Starting beeping me on Ballarat Road, no idea who they were, what they wanted, whether they were sticking their finger up at me, whether my white South hoodie was actually a Collingwood one. I just tried to concentrate on getting to the ground in one piece by focusing on the road.

Victoria University Students
Plenty of time to sink piss. Not enough time to read a couple of articles.

Worlds of Football Conference 2012
I've submitted my abstract - will they allow me to present a paper? Or will I have to go back to reporting only on everyone else's papers? Interesting factoid about that piece - despite being just about the most high brow piece on here, it still ranks as one of the most visited pages on this site. Not too bad considering it isn't a Hellenic Cup or Jim Marinis piece.

Xenophon
The most delightful of all music, that of your own praises.

Young Wife
Because the Government does not favour the entry of foreign women, New Australians are often men without wives; hence unfulfilled desire reinforces love of country. There is no night life worth mentioning, no corso, no processions. In other words there is nothing, though it’s a comfortable nothing. Bored and frustrated, the New Australian is permitted to express himself once every seven days for twice forty minutes (sic) at the soccer match (Martin 1966: 152)

Zenith
People still think we're not a VPL club. How cute.

Kiss of Death, Round 18, 2012

Friday 8:30 PM Hume City (6th) vs Oakleigh Cannons (2nd)
Hume lost 2-1 at South Melbourne, while Oakleigh beat Southern Stars 5-0 at home. I was at the Oakleigh match and wasn’t too impressed by Oakleigh to be honest. While Southern Stars did all the attacking, it was Oakleigh who was scoring the goals. End of the day, they got the three points. Hume on the other hand was hit with two goals in the first four minutes of the 2nd half against South Melbourne. They had no answers after that, other than one goal which wasn’t enough. Hume City 1 – Oakleigh Cannons 1.

Saturday 3:00 PM Green Gully Cavaliers (3rd) vx Southern Stars (10th)
Green Gully were trailing 0-2 at home to Richmond before drawing 3-3, while Southern Stars were on the receiving end of five Oakleigh goals last week. Southern Stars impress me somewhat with their fast attacking play, but disappoint themselves with their defence. Green Gully should pick up all three points this week, and I can’t see them losing to Stars. Green Gully 4 – Southern Stars 2.

Saturday 3:00 PM Northcote City (4th) vs Bentleigh Greens (5th)
The most important game for South Melbourne. This match will either make it more difficult or easier for South to enter the Top 5. Northcote beat Moreland 3-1 while Bentleigh copped a 91st minute equaliser against Dandenong last week. I’d say that Bentleigh are the form team going into this fixture, but at Northcote they might struggle. Northcote City 2 – Bentleigh Greens 2.

Saturday 7:00 PM Dandenong Thunder (1st) vs Heidelberg (12th)
The Bergers are gawn! They beat the Knights last week (again) and Dandenong had a bit of a struggle against a ten man Bentleigh. No bookmaker is giving the Bergers a chance on this one, and neither am I. You would have to be stupid to tip the Bergers this week. Dandenong Thunder 4 – Heidelberg 0.

Sunday 3:00 PM Moreland Zebras (11th) vs Richmond (8th)
Moreland had a 3-1 loss at Northcote while Richmond got a 3-3 at Gully after leading 0-2. As much as I have a gut feeling that Richmond will beat Moreland, I still think this game will be a draw. An exciting one too. Moreland Zebras 5 – Richmond 5.

Sunday 3:00 PM Melbourne Knights (9th) vs South Melbourne (7th)
The Knights lost once again to the Bergers 2-1, while South got its second win in a row against Hume City 2-1 at Lakeside. The first half wasn’t really exciting, but the second started off like a house on fire. In the 46th minute Steve Burton side footed an Andy Vlahos cross into the back of the net, and the second was probably one of the best we have seen at Lakeside in a while. Fernando hit a ball to Andy Vlahos who was just passing the half way line, Vlahos had Burton out wide on the right but decided to go alone. He beat the first, then the second defender in the area, while hitting a curling shot past the Hume keeper which bent in at the back post and sent the South faithful into an orgasmic frenzy only ever seen on Bukkake Sluts 4. Gavalas was beaten late in the game by a shot which one can be describes as a regulation save. Yeah OK, OK ,you say you had too many legs in front of you, but fuck me man, at least make an effort, it wasn’t exactly a blistering shot. What followed was some nervy moments for South, but the referee's whistle finally blew. A deserved win for South with a still under strength side. Tom Matthews has two more weeks while Rixon has 4. Other than that, a good day all round for everyone concerned. The trip down to Somers Street is always pretty good. They have the best cevaps in the league, and probably the best beer. This is a change for South fans, as we are visiting a team who actually has more than 20 fans not related to the players. The Knights are on a three game losing streak, with last weeks result against the Bergers sure to fire them and their fans up. But, this is a must win game for South and they way we are playing, I don’t see why we cannot beat the Knights. Melbourne Knights 0 - South Melbourne 3.

Angles - South Melbourne 2 Hume City 1

No bells and whistles in this piece. The experience just didn't live up to anything other than mediocrity except for a three minute period at the beginning of the second half.

I hadn't seen that kind of weather at a South home game for few years - perhaps as far back as the 3-1 win against Heidelberg back in 2006. Rain swept across the arena, sneaking into the stands, courtesy of a breeze that blew strongly towards the lake end. The 'toblerone' ad cushions were being blown all over the place, with the volunteer marshals trying ever more elaborate ways of holding them in place. Metal poles, sandbags, bunching them together, all of them futile. Eventually most of them were stacked against the fence which seemed to do the trick.

The first half was not dour per se, but it lacked a certain amount of oomph. Neither side was able to get much of note going, though they generally tried to play an on the ground, moving around style of game. There were a couple of headers that we should have done better with, but that was pretty much it.

In fact the most exciting thing to happen during the first half was when the ref stopped the game temporarily to remove a pair of scissors found on the pitch. How they got there is anyone's guess. Good thing no one was hurt.

The second half started first with a whimper, followed by a bang. After a botched kick off, South ended up scoring more or less directly from the kick off. Rhodri Payne managed to work his way to the byline, where his cross was brilliantly flicked into the net from a tight angle by Steve Burton. Maybe it was just me, but I reckon that on the second kickoff after the botched first one, Payne was already a good 10-15 metres inside the opposition half before the ball had even been kicked. Maybe I just saw it wrong though.

Andy Vlahos made it 2-0 soon after, with a goal that was all class, though also borne of necessity. Having found himself at the edge of the penalty area, and with negligible support, Vlahos cut in hit the ball into the opposite corner. Hume's keeper Oldfield, who had a good game, was no chance of saving it. It had been an exciting three minutes or so, but the question then became what would we do for the rest of the game.

As it turned out, we'd fluff several counter attacking opportunities (Joe Keenan's first one was probably the worst - why not just take a shot?), and let Hume back in the game with a goal that has divided those who saw it as to its merit. Hume's in form striker Hegarty collected the ball out wide on the right, still some distance out. None of the three or four South players chose to commit to him, deciding to hold off. Having eventually reached a more central position, Hegarty than unleashed what to some looked like a powerful shot, while to others, like myself, it seemed like a comparatively weak effort from distance.

Gavalas in the South goal stood rooted to his position in the middle of the goal, as the ball rolled into the near corner. Could he have saved it? Did he see it too late, what with all those bodies in the way? Did his lack of a dive or any sort of attempt to move across to the shot add culpability?

The goal obviously encouraged Hume and they came close on a few occasions to leveling the score, particularly in their use of aerial bombardment. The closest they came was when a a header near enough to the six yard box was saved brilliantly by Gavalas, acting on pure instinct to recover at least some of his reputation among those who blamed him for Hume's goal (and indeed, for his uninspiring goalkeeping stint so far in 2012).

We managed to eventually waste enough time, getting a valuable three points. Not every week can be 5-0 wins or awesome comebacks in injury time. Still, it doesn't mean I have to like the result any more the absolute bare minimum. Now we're three points from fifth, with Melbourne Knights away first up. Their season, in terms of finals aspirations, is pretty much done I reckon, and they aren't having the best of times at the moment, but they'll probably come out firing. There's no point in looking any further ahead than this week.

Gimme Shelter - Kiss of Death, Round 17, 2012

Friday 8:15 PM Bentleigh Greens (4th) vs Dandenong Thunder (1st)
Bentleigh put four past the Knights, while Dandenong had a 3-1 win against Northcote. Should be an interesting match. Bentleigh have the second best attack, while Dandy have the best defence. I don’t think Bentleigh will be good enough to beat Dandy however. Bentleigh Greens 1 – Dandy Thunder 3.

Friday 8:30 PM Oakleigh Cannons (2nd) vs Southern Stars (10th)
Oakleigh had a tin ass 2-3 win at Richmond while Southern Stars copped two goals in injury time to lose 2-3 against South Melbourne. I saw Oakleigh at Richmond last week. Not much chop. Southern Stars play anti-football and Oakleigh will be too good for them. Oakleigh Cannons 2 – Southern Stars 1.

Saturday 3:00 PM Green Gully Cavaliers (3rd) vs Richmond (7th)
Gully had an easy 1-2 away win at Moreland, and Richmond somehow lost to Oakleigh 2-3. Gully will win this one as Dobbo usually starts preparing his team for finals football around about now. Green Gully 2 – Richmond 0.

Saturday 3:00 PM Northcote City (5th) vs Moreland (11th)
Northcote lost 3-1 at Dandy and Moreland lost 2-1 at home to Gully. Both these teams are in negative goal difference, so they’re both pretty much a mixed bag with Moreland being pretty shit. Northcote should do the job on them, but I need a draw. Northcote City 2 – Moreland Zebras 2.

Saturday 3:00 PM Heidelberg United (12th) vs Melbourne Knights (9th)
Heidelberg lost 3-1 away at Hume, and the Knights got drilled a new one 0-4 against Bentleigh. Heidelberg has won one game all season in the VPL and that was against the Knights (not forgetting they also eliminated the Knights from the cup - Ed). The loss to Bentleigh came out of left field for the Knights, and some feathers might’ve been ruffled midweek at training. Who knows. Heidelberg will double their wins tally this season with a win over the Knights. Heidelberg 2 – Melbourne Knights 1.

Nicky Jacobs fronts up for the post-match interview

Sunday 5:00 PM South Melbourne (8th) vs Hume City (6th)
I’m still on a high from last week's come from behind 2-3 win by South against the Southern Stars. To be trailing 2-1 in the 91st and to have Steve Burton equalise was enough for me. Then in the 94th to have young Nicky Jacobs header in the winner was heart attack territory. Scenes of pandemonium, broken umbrellas, people hugging each other, slipping on the grassy knolls, jumpers and jackets being thrown to the ground in sheer elation, were scenes that haven’t been witnessed at a Hellas match since the time we beat Sydney Croatia at Middle Park after trailing 0-1 for the whole match. That day it was Angie Goutzioulis with a header that gave us the 2-1 win in the 91st. Total chaos. The team played well I thought, considering the absentees, Gus made the right subs at the right time, and it paid off. Southern Stars were pretty bad, but they hit the lead twice with basically two counter attacks. Gasparis had probably his game of the season, and Fernando looks like he’s back to his normal self again. Burton for me was best on ground. But, I still don’t understand why we persist in playing him with his back to goal. He’s a player that should be played through onto goal. Hence how he got the equaliser in the 91st. Nicky Jacobs did well when he came on. A few nervy touches to start off with, then out of nowhere he pops up with the winner in the 94th. All good for the young boy, but I think everyone should just calm down a notch. The step up from the youth to the senior team is bigger than people think. I’m not saying the youngsters didn’t do well when they came on, but all I'm saying is that they can’t be thrown straight into the deep end because they play well in the under 21’s. Would I start with the same eleven against Hume. Most likely not. If I have players to replace Norton and Petreski with, then I will replace them. I’m sick of hammering Norton. Petreski is good, but not at left back. With Dimi Tsiaris due back and I think Matthews (?) this week, then I’d slot them straight in. Would I have Jacobs on the bench for another stint? Definitely. If he can be rewarded with another 15-20 min experience in a senior match, it will do more good than harm, and Gus must be encouraged to start doing this if the senior players don’t look interested at training. Why wouldn’t you reward players who trained well and who will give you what they have? A youth player who was suspended last week is young Anthony Giannopoulos, better known as ‘Gia', who in my eyes should be on the senior bench week in/week out. He is the captain of the youth team, and probably their top scorer, and has scored most likely the goal of the season against Oakleigh a few weeks ago. He has been at South all his playing life, has passion, is a member of the club, and boy can he play. Any spots on the bench should be filled by him as a minimum. Hopefully he is given this opportunity soon, and he scores for the club he has grown to love. The celebrations should be AWOL. There is a new aura around South after the 2-3 against the Stars, and I see us making a late charge for the finals. Hold onto your hats people. South Melbourne 3 – Hume City 0.

Admin and general whinging.

• SMFC should’ve ordered replacement umbrellas by this weeks match. I counted 4 absolutely gone after Jacobs winner.
• Richmond Eagles. How about you guys seriously get some cover. Against Oakleigh I got absolutely soaked. FFV needs to investigate this. Plenty of rule breaches.

2012 Rules of Competition. Pg.49.

Section 3 – Spectator Amenities

Undercover seating

3.6 Undercover spectator seating for 500 people must be provided.

Public Address system

3.7 A fully functional Public Address (PA) system must be provided. The PA must be clearly audible to all parts of the venue, including social areas and operated on match day to make announcements to introduce players, announce scorers and provide emergency instructions to patrons.

Public toilets

3.1.1 Two toilet blocks must be provided for both male and female patrons (each section having a minimum of two cubicles) situated not more than 50 metres from the playing field.

Also, your facility is unsafe as fuck when it comes to buying a ticket.

Over and out.