South of the Border awards 2018

As usual, I put in zero effort with these.

Player of the year: Leigh Minopoulos. I was going to give it to Oliver Minatel for his novelty goals and shift into defensive midfield which yielded temporary positive results. Then I was going to give it to Marcus Schroen for being a sort of mid-season boom recruit. But I give the award this year to the guy who showed the biggest heart throughout the whole of the season.

Under 21 player of the year: The Cliff Hussey Memorial Trophy goes to Ben Djiba. It's a shallow pool, again. Though there were numerous young players dropped into the side during the year, and most of them showed something, there were few if any who were given extended time invthe seniro side. But among those who were used, none was thrown into the deep end quite like Ben Djiba, and I give him credit for this - he coughed up the goal in the first ten minutes against Port, but he was nowhere near our worst player on that day, and went on to settle and look like maybe belonged on that field.

Goal of the year: Four way tie between the three goals Kingston scored against Gully in round 26, or Pascoe Vale's equaliser against Hume in the same round.

Best performance: Dandenong Thunder away. Downshill skiing? Maybe, but it was 9-0 and utter domination from start to finish.

Best away game of the year: Bentleigh away. Positive attitude, positive result.

Call of the year: "We should let Sasa coach the first half of games, and CT the second". It almost seems quaint now, but it showed that the team wasn't completely trash.

Chant of the year: I really shouldn't pick any of the perennials for this, but "sack the board" became the standout. Apologies to "Sideshow Bob / Kill Bart", and "call it off!".

Best pre-match/after match dinner location: Even though the MSG lobby says there's no scientific evidence that their product causes the headaches that MSG is rumoured to do, I got a massive headache the day after eating at some Laotian joint whose meal was otherwise very good. So the prize goes to some Afghan chicken place in Dandenong.

Friends we lost along the way: A South Melbourne umbrella. Table service in the social club. Dignity.

Barely related to anything stupidity highlight of the year: South supporters reputedly betting successfully against their own team, exploiting outrageously mistaken odds in order to help fund their own world cup trips.

Getting thoroughly sick of this - South Melbourne 0 Richmond 0

Another week, another friendly, another match with substandard finishing by South.

If Milos Lujic misses chances during the pre-season - and he should have done better with a chip over the keeper -  it doesn't bother me, because his record when it matters speaks for itself.

But everyone else, especially those cutting in wide from the left or right, come on! The lake is not the goal, the running track is not the goal, the temporary seats are not the goal, the emergency path next to the pool complex is not the goal, and the temporary goals behind the actual goals are, perhaps a little confusingly, also not the goals.

Bad finishing on our part was the main complaint I had from what was a fairly middling affair. Richmond offered very little going forward, which considering I'd read one report of them looking pretty decent so far in the pre-season, was a disappointment.

While we clearly weren't going at 100% out there, there were nice moments - we were able to get behind the often stacked Richmond defense much more easily than we did with Canberra Olympic the week before.

I think our corners have generally looked better this pre-season than I have seen for a long time, and as far as I can recall, there has been mostly a lack of short corners so far. Free kicks, well, that's another matter.

Depending on who we play against, how we decide to play, and who we put into the defensive slots, I am concerned that we may be a tad slow at times at the back, especially if the mids commit too far forward.

Should I put my neck on the line say the People's Champ is going to have a bit of a breakout season? Probably not, but if he can hit a few shots like his opening salvo onto the woodwork, it would be nice.

There was a moment where a fight almost broke out on the field after a slow motion wrestling take down of one of our players, but that was quickly sorted out by the referee.

It looked like there was another new player out there, until it was made known to me that it was new and already signed recruit Jesse Daley with a new haircut.

I think I'm well fed up with the pre-season now, and I'm just counting the days until we have something meaningful to play for and complain about. Speaking of which...

Next game
For the third year in a row we are in the Community Shield game, and like last year, we'll be playing against Bentleigh out at Kingston Heath. I don't know why the game has to be out there, and I especially don't understand why it has to be on a Thursday.

If it had to be held at Kingston Heath, why not on a Friday or Saturday? I know that people at South are not happy about this, especially those involved with the senior team, because it will leave them with a large break between the Shield game and our round 1 match against Bulleen, which will be on a Monday..

And then of course after that Bulleen game, we have a short turnaround to the round 2 fixture against Port away which is on a Friday. I know that our extended stay away from

For their part, Bentleigh only have an 8 day wait compared to our 11. Don't be surprised if South arranges another friendly in between the Shield and round 1 just to keep sharp.

Thursday's hardly an ideal time to get people out to a game either, especially for something that's not a local derby. All of this is more confusing because under the 12 month calendar released by FFV, the Community Shield game was meant to be played this week, not next.

Welcome to the 2017 rigmarole I suppose.

Lakeside gets dressed up for the palace ball
Much interest of course centred not on the players last night, but rather on the stadium, which has had temporary seating installed in preparation for an upcoming medium profile athletics meet.

At Lakeside for @smfc vs @RichmondSC1953 #ps4nplvic preseason friendly. No lines marked, but the temporary seating looks nice. pic.twitter.com/Eu6TKYP57r

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) January 27, 2017

It actually looked rather good, and one could envisage more seating being placed on the eastern side as well. I didn't do a count of the seats, but did notice one particular issue with the view of the eastern side from the lower levels of the southern grandstand - that the crossbar seemed to disappear from view, blending in with the top of the temporary seating. I fancy that problem would be a lesser issue if there were actual people sitting there, breaking up blur of horizontal lines.

Some people disregarded the menacing barrier of the tape barring entry to the temporary stand on the western terrace to check out the view from behind the goals

Stunning full pitch view from the #ClarendonCurve at #LakesideStadium! Best stadium in AUS⚽️! #ps4npl #ps4nplvic #aleague #foxfootball pic.twitter.com/nm6moEWNdb

— Mike (@smfcmike) January 27, 2017

And from the western side at least, the view is not completely abominable. A question asked around the traps last night was whether there was even any point in removing the seating (one assumes) bolted directly into terracing. A fair point? Or a misguided, ignorant one?

Get a job (sha na na na, sha na na na na)
South is looking to hire a venue and restaurant manager. Is that because they're looking to open up a venue and restaurant? Stranger things have happened I suppose.

Crazy Gamblers (it's not necessarily a new thing, but still...)
Oh yes, we all like to have a laugh while playing spot the Dodgy Asian Betting guys (and gals) calling games for the betting companies. And from some of the very earliest days of this blog we've discussed the lengths people will go to bet on Australian matches of absolutely no consequences, but Twitter has added another dimension to this gambling fixation.

The 3x30 minute style friendlies that some coaches, especially Chris Taylor, prefer for pre-season hit-outs makes some members of the online gambling community very nervous and edgy. Not that I have a problem with that, because

WHY ARE YOU BETTING ON GAMES OF ZERO CONSEQUENCE, LOOSE STRUCTURE, AND UNCERTAIN SQUADS IN THE FIRST PLACE. DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO BET ON, AND HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT THIS LEAGUE WAS BESET BY A MATCH FIXING SCANDAL NOT THAT LONG AGO ?

Anyway, gambling, disturbing trend, think of the children (and aren't we all someone's children) blah, blah, blah, but seriously, can you guys just keep it (metaphorically) in your pants until the actual season starts?

A-League bid 'news' (not that any of that matters)
Most of you will have probably become aware that the Geelong bid has formally announced its existence, currently going under the name 'Victoria Patriots'. So that makes South, Tasmania and Geelong as three groups at the very least nominally in the hunt for the alleged two spots. If nothing else, that seems to put paid to the getting in by default option - if that option ever existed, of course.

Your (accredited) correspondent
Yes, your chief South of the Border correspondent has been given FFV media accreditation for 2017. Even better when the envelope is marked 'priority'. No lanyard though.

Memberships
I'm sure they'll be released eventually...

I guess you just had to be there - Melbourne Victory 1 South Melbourne 4

If this game's entire existence during the week proved somewhat illusory, perhaps even mythical, there's a good reason for that - practically no one - except perhaps Victory and FFV - seemed to know what was going on, and that includes South Melbourne.

As an FFV accredited freelance media human, I was asked to apply if I wanted to attend the game. I did, and eventually got the email saying that I was in, including notification of the time and location of the match - but publication of such details was essentially prohibited, with media being asked to show discretion.

Fair enough, I thought, seeing as how they'd gone to all this bother to make sure nothing could go wrong. But it does make you wonder, at least on the surface of things, how bad things have gotten when 40 odd delinquents and their hangers on and supporters can cause this absurd situation; that Victory, like so many Australian soccer entities before it, doesn't know how to resolve the problem; that a soccer team with more resources at its disposal than almost any other in the code's local history has allowed or seen things get to a point where a match involving its youth team can't be played safely unless the most drastic security measures are taken.

Thus after performing a sort of radio silence on the matter in the days leading up the game, on the day of the match I tried to play it all mysterious

South of the Border's chief correspondent is on the way to the rendezvous point... #MVvSM #PS4NPLVIC

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) July 24, 2016

But really, there was no point. Everyone who really wanted to know where the game was going to be held, and at what time, pretty much knew everything there was to know. If there were any people planning on causing chaos, they didn't bother to show.

(I did see one bloke on the train towards the city with a Victory cap on, but whoever they were, they did not end up at the Bubbledome)

Outside the ground, there was almost no evidence that there was an event of any sort was taking place at the Bubbledome - only a couple of security personnel and an unusually large amount of vehicles in the car park. Considering that parking in the Bubbledome car park was apparently $30, it's doubtful that any of the people who had driven to the Hawthorn vs Richmond game would have parked there, when they could have managed to use the MCG car park for $10

(for the record, one attendee parked near the Yarra; another possibly past Richmond station, like my dad used to do for Olympic Park matches back in the day; me, I took public transport, of course)

Entrance was via Gate 5, which so far as I can tell, is usually reserved for corporate visitors and such. Names and photo IDs were checked off, wristbands allocated (pink for independent media flunkies, blue for South Melbourne associated flunkies) and even metal scanners were used. I suppose if you were going to sell the event as one containing security overkill, you may as well at least try to look the part.

Had I spent less time working on my thesis this week, I may have been able to have some more pre-prepared joke material on hand. As it was, I could only really manage to get the completely obvious Green Seat Elite joke out of the way:

#PS4NPLVIC game played behind closed doors, or Melbourne Heart match? #boomtish #imhereallweek #tellyourfriends pic.twitter.com/PscGXQ5N5H

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) July 24, 2016

And one ad lib (is that even possible on Twitter?), which seemed to resonate more with the general soccer public - another hint to stick to my day job, whatever that is.

So this is what's it's like to be in a league without proper benches. #PS4NPLVIC #mvvsm pic.twitter.com/ZBmeMgAhd8

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) July 24, 2016

It was, as you'd expect, a very bare bones event. There was a little bit of PS4 NPL Victoria signage behind the goals, but the rest of the sponsor boards - I assume from Melbourne Storm's game the previous night - had been covered over with black plastic. Neither scoreboard was in operation. There were no announcements made over the PA. There were no ball kids. There was no food or drink. There was a fourth official though.

Considering there had been a rugby league played just the night before, the ground looked in much better condition than you would have expected - most of the rugby league lines were gone, as were the on field sponsor logos. Generally the surface looked good, although the length of the grass (hi, Johnny A!) meant that balls that would have otherwise kept rolling out of play ended up stalling inside the lines; both teams seemed to adapt to this fact fairly quickly.

There were some patches of the ground that were less conducive to good play than others, especially a large patch near the two Bunnings chair furnished bench areas. There were also times where players lost their footing in other parts of the ground. Still, the surface was in much better shape than its Olympic Park counterpart for the 1999 grand final.

Predictably, almost the entire ground was off limits. There was a very narrow space allocated right in the centre of the middle section of the western stand, where all the dignitaries get to sit for important games, cordoned off on both sides. Some media folks wandered around a bit - like Les Street, who got the chance to explore the venue, and some photographers who set up camp behind the goals - but otherwise the 40-50 people in attendance (I didn't do an official count) had enough room to snare a corner for themselves and not have their private conversations overheard by anyone.

The Victory players' parents and assorted flunkies generally sat to the left of the designated seating area, while the South contingent and its flunkies generally sat on the right, although for the second half some of us stood in a 'no standing' area in between. There seemed to be very little interaction between the two groups, except for one Greek speaking dill from the Victory side and one Greek speaking dill from the South side trying to get into an argument for who knows what reason. A stern word put an end to that nonsense pretty quickly.

A few of us managed to have a good, albeit brief post-game chat with the father of Victory's scorer John MacLean (an ex-South junior, among other teams). In general though, the atmosphere was neither that of a pre-season friendly, where people feel free to chat and move about freely, nor that of a ridgy didge match where one could chant, yell or cheer without feeling that you weren't transgressing some unspoken limited bounds of acceptable conduct. Applauding the goals or calling for a handball or card was about as far as most people tended to venture. Even clapping the team off the field seemed to be done more out of habit than overwhelming enthusiasm, though the mediocre performance may have had something to do with that.

(While you couldn't hear the crowd from the MCG, you could clearly hear the sirens from there, and from the VFL match at the Punt Road Oval. The seagulls also turned up, but there was nothing for them to eat, so there weren't that many of them.)

As we were leaving - or trying to, at any rate- there were some people visible outside the ground, perhaps looking for Pokemon, only to be told...

Security were telling some people walking past Bubbledome at the end of #MVvSM that 'there's no pokemon here' #PS4NPLVIC

— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) July 24, 2016

Which wasn't true!

@PaulMavroudis there was an Aerodactyl! I caught it! 😆 I have NO idea about Pokemon, but I like trying out apps. pic.twitter.com/LTjjtsRKPv

— Michael Dimoudis (@dimoss) July 24, 2016

In summary, it was the kind of thing that was fun (barely) to do once, and never again. The one saving grace was not having to deal with Harry the Drummer (who I understand is busy taking the matter to VCAT), but everyone else that should have been entitled to come to this match was sorely missed. There's a time and a place for novelty, but events conducted like this set a bad precedent. Let's hope we don't have to deal with such a situation ever again.

Though of course, if I can score an invite, I'll still attend.

The match itself
A good deal of you would have seen the game via the stream and thus have at least some part of the experience filtered through the limiting lens of the camera and John Kyrou's commentary, but having not watched the stream myself (yet - I may watch portions of it later), it'd be interesting to see how much the post-game autopsies match up between those at home and those at the ground.

One uncanny similarity which both those at the ground and those at home were the references to last year's Palm Beach FFA Cup loss. Going ahead (even in a similar manner), and getting equalised by an inferior team off pretty much their only attack for the half, with even Chris Taylor's at best uninspiring body language - the parallels were troubling.

Our crossing was again woeful. During the first half, we had so much more of the ball, and so much more territory, that we should have been in a much better position than 1-1 at the break. Victory had stacked their defensive numbers in front of the six yard box, making shots from directly in front of goal hard to get away without being blocked. Had we been able to cross the ball better, this would not have been so much of an issue, but this is how it is for us so far in 2016.

There were times, too, when we managed to take advantage of some sloppy attempts at playing the ball out of the back by Victory, which should have in theory meant that we could test their keeper out without so many numbers in the way; but for whatever reason, we didn't do well on that front either. Victory improved considerably in the second half, making our ramshackle defense look well, even more ordinary than usual all things being equal, and we were fortunate again that we had Nikola Roganovic in goal.

A good thing that we were able to weather that period of mediocrity long enough to finally put the game out of reach - Leigh Minopoulos getting on the scorer's sheet for doing little more than smashing the ball hard and on target and through Victory goalkeeper Spinella's legs; Manolo for cleaning up the scraps after Spinella's save ended up on the edge of the six yard box; and Milos putting away a penalty he was perhaps a little lucky to earn in the first place.

Putting aside the slightly self-righteous notion of the club's reputation in these matters, what was disappointing (and illuminating) were the sub par performances of some of those who in theory have elevated credentials. Some of our players have played A-League, even if briefly; some have ambitions to play in the A-League or higher up. Matt Millar tries hard - if there was an award for player most likely to be mistaken for a crash test dummy, he'd be a lock for the prize - but hasn't produced a match winning performance since very early on in the season. Brad Norton didn't have one of his best game either, but at least he kept trying and was crucially involved in the third goal.

And then there was the People's Champ. Having had enough of the ball in the first half but for not much useful outcome - admittedly not alone on that front - in the second half he took a free kick from the right hand side and some distance out, with the goal of launching it into the mixer. Having failed to get sufficient elevation on the kick, it went to the lone Victory defender in what you might call 'the wall', and Victory counter attacked from that side with the People's Champ performing a customary sulk.

At the time, I was mostly glad that we didn't concede a goal from that situation, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to confirm to me that the People's Champ, like so many other players in our team and at this level - and we have noted it of other players, so it's not just him - have found their level. This far and no further, and all that. Here he was, still I assume holding an ambition of playing at a higher level, playing against a selection of players mostly 2-4 years younger than him who've been specially selected because they want to do the same, and he failed to make his case.

As one smfcboard based observer who watched the game via the club's stream noted, the People's Champ couldn't even blame a hostile (or encouraging!) crowd for it this time. All this while Manolo sits on the bench and waits to come on and clean up the mess in his 20 or so allotted minutes. On the other hand, Matthew Foschini was our best by a mile, reading the play better than just about anyone out there. At some level, superior experience and strength were enough to win the day, and we should be glad for that. We have played better than this in previous weeks and had nothing to show for it; even ladder leading Bentleigh only managed to beat this Victory outfit (or a version thereof) only 2-1.

It must have been strange for Foschini and Millar to be out there playing in a venue where they'd played before so many times, and yet now with just about no one there. It must have been strange, too, for the handful of South people there, who because of their much stricter than mine anti-FFA ethos and with no interest in the other sports that use the venue, were visiting the Bubbledome for the first time.

Some aspects of the performance can be put down to personnel issues or the strange environment, but a lot of it was also strangely familiar so far as this season is concerned. I suppose we should be glad to have earned the three points, maintained second, and kept ourselves still visible as a speck on Bentleigh's rear view mirror.

The best seats in your house
From all reports the live stream provided by South's media team was a success, with a reported reach of 600k (which is pretty good for such short notice), though I have no idea of how many people were actually watching.the game. Judging from the club's Facebook page, it was at least a reasonable amount, whatever a reasonable amount may actually be. It even included some mock chanting!

Standing outside the media box, it was hard to tell what was going on in there, or whether the crew were having problems getting the stream to work in any way, with the booth being more or less soundproof. Communication, if not conducted by phone, was done via the person outside speaking through a bona fide hole in the wall.

I actually regret not taking a picture of the hole in the wall. 

Next game
Avondale at home on Sunday arvo. I hope to see all of you there now that you are all free to attend again. Because you will be there, right?

For the record
The person responsible for throwing the flare at South fans during this year's FFA Cup match against Altona Magic, has been banned from playing or attending matches for one year.

Around the grounds
Say no to endless reruns of post-Golden Age Simpsons
Saw a tweet about the catch up game between Avondale and Northcote, and after only momentary hesitation about whether it was better to stay inside a warm house watching repeats of stuff that I barely cared about the first time around, I decided to head out to Knights Stadium. I mean, it's only a short drive from my place, and I hadn't been there for so long, and this was a game that could've opened up the relegation battle a bit more. I also thought that maybe They could use an extra person in attendance, even if I didn't pay to get because of my media pass, but on that point the crowd was actually rather good. I mean, rather good by Avondale vs Northcote standards, and more or less what you'd expect even if this was a weekend instead of a weeknight clash. All that was left to ruin the night was a disappointing game, but even that didn't happen. Northcote had the better of most of this game, should have scored when the keeper was stranded - instead hitting the post - and even managed to find a second wind in pursuance of its pressing game through astutely timed substitutions. All that effort was almost for nothing though, as they saw numerous low and high crosses fail to be converted. Avondale for their part looked OK at times, mounting the odd counter attack and looking dangerous from set pieces; but on the whole they were poor, unable to play out from the back or maintain possession for long periods of time. Still, the point earned for them here is probably worth more than Northcote's point.

Final thought
Can it really be considered a genuine top tier Victorian league match if there's no Dodgy Asian Betting guy reporting on it? If the DAB rep was there, he was doing a good job of hiding, though not so good a job of reporting the goal scorers.

Like something out of that twilighty show about that zone - Green Gully 3 South Melbourne 5

It might be a strange thing to say - after all, just about every legitimate football match has two teams in it - but this game was as much about Green Gully as it was about South Melbourne. It was a game based on momentum, complacency, and a slight breeze going to the northern, downhill end, which maybe played more of a role than it should have, with seven of the eight goals being scored at that end.

It was also hands down, one of the most bizarre games I've ever seen. Bizarre for the ease with which we kept scoring during the first half. Bizarre for its seismic momentum shifts. Bizarre for it not being us with the most calamitous and costly goalkeeping performance at this ground, so often a grave for our keepers. Bizarre for a stunt attempted by Green Gully after their goalkeeper Kieran Gonzales was sent off, which I can't recall ever being attempted before.

It's fair to say that the game was just nuts. Gonzales was in part responsible for the first goal we scored, after he parried a low ball in front of Milos Lujic for 1-0. He was clearly responsible for the second goal, when in attempting to be smart - and even early on he'd be performing his goalkeeping duties with a sort of recklessness that would wouldn't even make sense if his side were 3-0 up - when he kicked his attempted clearance straight into Lujic, whence it deflected back into the net for 2-0.

Even the Dodgy Asian Betting
guy at the game thought Epifano
couldn't muck up that chance
from point blank range.

A deflected low cross or shot from Tyson Holmes ended up at the back post for Lujic to tap in for 3-0. Just 26 minutes had passed for Lujic to achieve his hattrick. But still more was to come. Nick Epifano released Jamie Reed into a ton of space, whereby the grey-haired striker easily lofted it over the oncoming but stranded Gonzales for 4-0.

After the retirement of Peter Gavalas at the end of last season, Gonzales had been targeted by South, and had reputedly actually been very close to signing. Yesterday's performance made a few of us think that we perhaps dodged a bullet on that front, as he put in a combination Peter Gavalas-Abdelhadi Deroune Green Gully Reserve 'Vortex of Goalkeeping death'

We went into halftime 4-0 up, but it should have been six or seven, without any exaggeration. The most glaring of the missed opportunities came a minute after Reed's goal, with Epifano hitting the right post from very close range - we all assumed it was in, even the Dodgy Asian Betting guy had already marked it down as a goal. Some South fans were half joking that it'd be a costly miss, not believing for a second that Gully could mount any sort of meaningful comeback. As we watched the planes fly behind us on the outer side, the talk even turned towards where flight MH370 was.

It's hard for me to recall ever seeing a Gully side so inept and so uncompetitive. Except for one late chance that hit the post in the first half, they offered almost no threat at all. Their defending was abysmal, their midfield little better. Their passing was a mess, with even simple passes mucked up. The guy in charge of the scoreboard, either because he couldn't be bothered climbing up and down to keep changing the score, or out of shame, stood in front of our scoreboard number.

Yet within minutes of the second half beginning, it was 4-2, and the old Gully we all love to hate was back; physical, aggressive, and very dirty. Matthew Sanders managed to find himself on the end of two easy opportunities, and he buried both of them, our defence all of a sudden becoming a sieve. Panic set in among the South faithful, and quite obviously among the players themselves, as their complacency became rank ineptitude.

Unfortunately for Gully, Gonzales took the home team's re-discovered aggression too far. As Lujic was called for offside while making a forward run, his momentum seeing him run past the Gully keeper, Gonzales kicked out at him, copping a straight red for his troubles. It was bizarre (there's that word again) and entirely unnecessary, and yet he saw fit to complain to the ref who had no intention of changing his mind.

Yet that wasn't the end of that incident. After Gonzales left the ground, a new keeper came on, but without any substitution actually being made. Chris Taylor was going crazy on the sidelines trying to make it clear to the officials that Gully still had eleven players on the field. Eventually they sorted it out, and South settled down a smidge. But even when Gully went down to nine men after Steven Stephen Downes was sent off for swearing at the ref - after which the officials seemed to perform a headcount - the home side still looked more likely to score.

And score another they did during the first minute of what would be a long injury time, via our old enemy Roddy Vargas - who popped up in the six yard box unmarked and headed home truly from a corner, as the South defence and Jason Saldaris went MIA. Even worse, we gifted Gully the ball from the ensuing kickoff, as panic mode well and truly took hold. Luckily substitute Leigh Minopoulos made it 5-3 from close range to end what was a pretty bizarre game.

So, three points is good especially at that ground, as is three wins from three starts all on the road, but it will be interesting to see how the team comes out on the other side of this match. Will their confidence take a knock, after playing so poorly in the second half, especially defensively? Or will they see this as a massive and necessary kick up the arse, showing that complacency and lack of concentration will see you get into trouble very quickly in this league?

Next Week
Hume City away on Sunday.

Around the grounds
Screw this, I'll make my own friends - on the internet!
I headed out to watch Port Melbourne host Oakleigh on Friday night. Since none of the Friends, Romans and Countrymen I alluded to on Twitter managed to make it out there, it was just me and my earphones listening to the FFV's radio broadcast which I'm really digging, especially for its interactivity. I had a go at them on Twitter for the abysmal pronunciation of several Greek names by Adem Barolli, their 'around the grounds' person, and I even got my name read out (poorly) with apologies. All in good fun. Too bad next week I'll be stuck at some function, otherwise I'd tune in again. Give it a go if you haven't yet, because questionable pronunciations of Greek names aside (and even the 'j' in Dusan Bosnjak's name went missing at one point on that front), they do a great job.

Anyway the match itself was kinda weird. The crowd was pretty much what you'd expect it to be, with the 'NPL, new ear hoorah' vibe already gone, and even most of the goals weren't greeted by much of a cheer. Port went ahead early after some very poor defending from a free kick out wide. Oaks gradually got on top, and equalised with a cross from the left to an unmarked player in the six yard box. The game swung back to a more even keel in the second half, and Port scored a cracker of a long range goal which went low through traffic and curled into the bottom corner. Then gradually Oaks got on top, and equalised with a cross from the left to an unmarked player in the six yard box.

Lastly, $4 for a chocolate bar? You're having a laugh Port Melbourne. Your ground ain't Docklands or the MCG.

Changing of the guard, change of attitudes?
I've been made aware that South Melbourne Women's FC have a new president, one Gabrielle Giuliano, the daughter of legendary of South Melbourne Hellas coach John Margaritis. Will this see a change of fortunes with regards to the re-uniting of the men's and women's teams? Who knows, but one can only hope so. I'm still of the opinion that together we would be stronger than what either of is right now, though SMWFC may disagree, seeing as they've had their most successful period off-field since breaking their ties with us.

Mountain of a molehill

It's probably not fair for this blog to be laying into Oakleigh two weeks in a row, but I would say two things on that:

1. Last week's Dockerty Cup shenanigans were an own goal as much as anything, thanks to Miron Bleiberg coming out and admitting their cock up on SEN.
2. Honestly, it's not just me who's noticed this week's apparent farce.

To elaborate on that second point. Last week it was pointed out to me by a South fan, as well as being noticed by several different people across the net, that Oakleigh's 2014 jersey seemed, well, a bit overwhelmed with sponsorship, somewhat akin to the infamous jersey South attempted to take to the World Club Championships in 2000.

Now while I'm sure the Oakleigh people are very happy that they have such great financial support - something which has been evident at Jack Edwards Reserve for several years now, judging by the plethora and variety of sponsor boards at that ground - but the question some people are asking is, have Oakleigh broken part of the NPL Victoria rules by having so many sponsors on the front of their shirt and on the front and back of their shorts?

2014 NPL front of kit guidelines. Click to enlarge the picture.

You see, in the licence agreement that NPL clubs have been obliged to sign to enter the competition - an agreement which, it must be remembered, was at the heart of last year's discontent - there are guidelines pertaining to a team's on field kit design, as can be seen on the image on the right hand side.

It gives you room for just one sponsor on the front of the jersey that's not related to the apparel sponsor and/or manufacturer. It also limits the amount of sleeve and short sponsorships you can sport. There has also been some talk that the rules may even become stricter next year. But by any reasonable estimation, Oakleigh's 2014 jersey
has clearly crossed the limitations every club is expected to adhere to for this season.

This is probably just making a mountain of a molehill, but if these rules are meant to establish a certain level of conformity, why should one club be able to flaunt those rules, or indeed any others it considers inconvenient? Already we have several NPL and NPL1 clubs with non-compliant venues. To some extent, that's understandable, if the ideology behind letting those sides in from the start is that they'll eventually get there within a well-established time frame (with hopefully severe consequences if the outcome is that they don't). Of course there is also the counter argument that they shouldn't be in the NPL in the first place if their facilities aren't up to scratch.

Oakleigh's sponsor filled jersey clearly stands out among
 the 2014 NPL pack. Image: MFootball/Don Sutherland.

But a jersey isn't a venue. While venues largely stay the same year in, year out, each year the jersey becomes reborn. Or so it would seem, because the Oakleigh kit in question seems to be the same one that Oakleigh sported last year, only this time with the NPL badge squeezed in there. So from that a number of questions arise: did anyone actually notice the aesthetic abomination that was this kit last year, or has the new season, new league and its supposed rules heightened awareness of all these compliance issues? Is Oakleigh planning to actually introduce a new jersey this year? If they don't, will the FFV pull them up on their breach of the guidelines? If they do, what will that cost Oakleigh both in terms of kit costs and sponsorship costs if the various sponsors were promised a place on the match day kit?

Back in 2000, when South's brains trust either arrogantly or ignorantly tried to flout the rules with their sponsor laden jersey, they were forced to change it. It was embarrassing and costly. This is a competition of much lesser importance in the grand scheme of things, but all cynicism aside for a moment, one of the key things the NPL was meant to usher in was a certain level of professionalism, conformity and standardisation.

Speaking of jerseys
South's 'Jersey night' is on this Friday night, at Beachcomber, $50. I'll be there. Other people will be there. Maybe you should be there, too?

Final thought

"You lost your NSL, huh?"
"Uh huh."
"It's not coming back, is it?"
"It might..."
"No, it's not."

Ten years with no NSL - where did the time go?

You Couldn't Make This Shit Up - South Melbourne 1 Green Gully 0

If you told me at the start of the year that we'd beat Gully twice - including once at Gully - and have a penalty saved in each of those wins, I'd have told you that you need to get off the drugs. Or perhaps I would have asked what the odds were.

When one of those penalties is in the 85th minute, as it was yesterday, you have to think about all the times Gully have managed to wrangle themselves out of, if not impossible situations, then at least something close to it.

During the first half, barring the final five minutes, Gully were scarcely in the contest. They did their usual business of trying to grind out time and territory, while we seemed to be able to get a few more than dangerous shots on target - there was one particular goalmouth scramble that seemed to defy the laws of physics in how the ball didn't go into the back of the net. It was the kind of half where, because we didn't score, it opened us up to the possibility of getting dudded by what I call 'Gully time'.

I don't have the stats or data to prove my contention, but my theory is that Gully have a 7-10 minute period, roughly from the 65th to 72nd minutes, where if you haven't made the most of your chances earlier in the game, they will punish you. They came close a few times during this period of the game. But so did we. Quite how Trent Rixon put that header wide, I don't think I'll ever know.

Hell, I'm not sure if it fell into this portion of the game, or just afterwards, but I reckon they had a massive shout for handball and a penalty. Their bench went nuts, and I reckon there was a collective gasp from the South fans near me who wondered how Perry Mur didn't award that penalty.

Then when it happened at the other of the field, Perry Mur again didn't award a penalty, until the linesman, in brave, but also very uncharacteristic VPL fashion, made Mur listen to his version of events, and thus a penalty was awarded. I still can't quite believe it. The Greek conspiracy theory DNA embedded within me just had to say out loud that Mur didn't award the second one initially because he didn't award the first.

Anyway, he did end up awarding the penalty. For whatever reason (cramp?), neither last week's penalty taker Rixon, nor Luke Hopper took the penalty. Instead it fell to captain and substitute Brad Norton. Now, I like Brad Norton (maybe against my better judgment), and he's actually scored a fair few goals this season, especially for someone who's spent most of his time as a defender.

Was there anyone more relieved than Brad Norton when
Tyson Holmes scored? And does it matter? Photo: Mark Avellino

But at no stage during the penalty routine did he look confident. Call it one of those great hunches that no one recalls when they get it wrong, but Norton's timid effort was entirely predictable - and whatever angle he was gunning, whether that was showing the captain's initiative, or seeking redemption for his mistake against Northcote just a couple of weeks ago - he made an absolute meal of it.

While I didn't think we were done and dusted, I had a feeling we'd be overrun if the game made it to extra time. Thankfully, Tyson Holmes stepped up to the plate. Holmes shooting from the edge of the box is notorious for seeing balls end up in the car park or lake behind the goals. Yet, when he actually keeps his shots low, they tend to nestle into the back of the net.

That's what happened last night at the crucial moment, when Soolsma laid off the ball to him on the edge of the area. Pandemonium broke out in the grandstand, and the apparently 2700 in attendance - while I'm not sure if was actually that high, it was certainly twice the 1000 odd that I thought would turn up at a maximum - all joined in as best they could in the chanting.

It wasn't over yet though, as Gully, who put in a much improved effort in the second half at least going forward, fluffed what looked like a point blank chance at the death. What was interesting about Gully was their insistence in walking the ball into the net. It was so unlike them, and it was more like... well, us, in a not too distant past. The first half was rough, the second half played largely between the two 18 yard boxes as the two teams became tired and space opened up throughout the middle of the field.

I can't say we weren't lucky, because we were. But we also had a share of bad luck and missed opportunities. Some, maybe in their propensity to exaggerate every achievement, tried to play this up as one of the greatest wins of our history. I won't go that far, but I can understand where they're coming from. From what the club has been through, not just this season, but the entire time since the NSL ended, these events and the emotions attached to them can just take a life of their own.

Fail To Plan, Plan To Fail
It doesn't excuse the poor organisation of the FFV at the gates, but I must admit I did feel like a big shot walking past everyone with my pre-purchased ticket. As for everyone down at the pub who kept saying "I'll go a little later, I'll go a little", well those people will never learn.

Chanting
"Dodgy Asian Betting, Now We're In The Finals!"

Next Week
Melbourne Knights this Friday Night at Somers Street.

Without meaning any disrespect to the Knights, or any other team, there are only two teams from VPL 2013 that I fear. One is Gully, because they're arsey cunts. The second one is Bentleigh, because they're just a damn good, solid all over the park team.

Having said, it's a game against the Knights, an old rival. It's a finals match, the first between the two sides since 1997. It's at Somers Street, in front of what will be a more than usually hostile crowd, because of the Knights hosting the Australian-Croatian Soccer Tournament. To quote Principal Skinner, "we've even bussed in troublemakers from others schools".

Knights were apparently killed on the counter last week, whereas we looked slow and hesitant in our fast break opportunities against Gully. Fitness will play a role as well. Our front two looked tired towards the end of the game, their mobility restricted.

Even taking into account that Knights' last home and away match was a dead rubber, can you really see them lose three in a row, at home, after doing so well this season? Especially when we haven't even beaten them anywhere since early 2011, and haven't beaten them at their ground since 2010.

Did you notice how much I'm trying to claim the underdog tag here? Then again. we've got nothing to lose, right? I mean, after all, look where we were halfway through this season. Now we've even managed to scrounge two cleansheets in a row. Surely that can't last, right?

Is Chicago, Is Not Chicago
Prior to the beginning of season 2013, I applied for a media pass from the FFV, as has become my custom. While in previous years I managed to acquire accreditation, this season I was rejected, with the justification that "you [sic] blog, while enjoyable, does not require a media pass in my opinion". I tried to claim the high moral ground, claiming to be more confused than offended, but I don't think I fooled anyone, least of all myself.

Now all of a sudden I've been emailed with instructions on how to vote for the Bill Fleming Medal, the league's media award, as well as a couple of other sundry awards. But how can this be? Am I media all of a sudden? Have I managed to move beyond the realms of being merely enjoyable to something more?

So here's what I'm thinking. Since I'm not really media in the FFV sense, but they want to take my vote into consideration anyway, and I'm going to enlist the help of my readership to come up with my votes.

I can't guarantee that they'll count my (our) votes, but since I wasn't expecting to be asked anyway, there's no harm in trying. So send me your votes either via email or in the comments section, and I'll tally them up or whatever and send them into the FFV by the close of business this Wednesday.

2013 Bill Fleming Award

5 votes: Name/Club (VPL or WPL)

4 votes: Name/Club (VPL or WPL)

3 votes: Name / Club (VPL or WPL)

2 votes: Name / Club (VPL or WPL)

1 vote: Name / Club (VPL or WPL)

Obligatory NPL Victoria Update
Today was the day that the FFV would announce the successful bidders for an NPL Victoria licence - although as explained by persons on other forums, they had probably planned to inform the individual bidders first, to see if they would accept before making an announcement. Meanwhile the Anti-FFV forces sought a court injunction preventing the FFV from making those annoucments. The FFV have sought a delay to that court action (now scheduled for Wednesday), and have "in good faith, decided not to announce NPL licences today".

Final Thought
Sometimes you just get caught up in the emotion of the thing.

@pavlaki1969 @Amul82 @smfc Not quite a title yet, but I admit I shed a tear tonight. Great game and great win. Who said this club was dead?
— Paul Mavroudis (@PaulMavroudis) September 29, 2013

Fuck Everything - South Melbourne 1 Northcote City 1

The whole night was fucked. The refereeing was fucked. The linespeople were fucked. Security was fucked. The ground announcer was fucked - we don't need AFL progress scores, the VPL ones will do thank you very much. Our first twenty minutes or so was completely fucked, under the pump and sending ball flying forward more in hope than in the enforcement of an actual plan. Milos Lujic was fucked when he could have easily let him teammate get the ball instead of himself, and therefore getting pinned for offside. Brad Norton was fucked for giving that attempted pass off to Gavalas which caused us to fall behind. Even our goal was fucked, not for being achieved at all, but because when we had a chance soon after to hit a corner into the exact same spot at the back post, Nicky Soolsma hit it towards the near post. I made a complete pork chop of myself yesterday, so fuck me as well. Port's win against Dandenong was fucked. Oakleigh dying completely in the arse is fucked. This whole season has been fucked. And who knew it could get even more fucked?

Doing The Maths
Now, what could have been much more a case of destiny in our own hands is now a case of not only us needing to win, but being reliant on other results going our way as well. This it how stands now.

With our draw last night, and Port's win, the highest we can finish is fifth. Hume's loss to the Knights today ends their slim chance of making the finals, barring some absolutely freakish results, which now that certain things have happened (see below) are unlikely to occur.

So, our only competition for that remaining finals spot is Green Gully. Currently, we're one point ahead of them, and a two goal better goal difference. However, Green Gully have a game in hand, which they will play midweek. It's against Oakleigh, who out of the finals race for some time now, have seemingly well and truly put the cue in the rack.

Gully's last game is at home against the similarly out of the running Dandenong Thunder, who also have little to gain from their remaining matches. Meanwhile our game against Port is against an opponent with a theoretical though highly unlikely chance of getting the double chance.

So here's how it's panned out.

• If Gully wins both games, we're stuffed even if we win our last game.
• If Gully wins one game and draws the other, then we need to win on Sunday and rely on goal difference.
• If Gully draws both of their games, then a draw of our own will be enough.
• One draw and one loss to Gully means we can even afford to lose, as long as it's not a heavy loss.
• Two losses to Gully (unlikely, I know) and we don't have to do squat.

Things will of course be much clearer after Wednesday night. But now there's also this to consider...

Dodgy Asian Betting (via Backpackistan)
By now you've all surely come across the Southern Stars match fixing fiasco, in which several of their players and their coach have been arrested.

Will this mean that Southern Stars will be expelled from the league, with all their results rendered null and void (i.e. 3-0 losses)? Without anything to go on other than a hunch, I doubt it. Imagine the can of worms that would open, considering that the parties concerned have yet to face their day in court - and no decision either on whether Stars' committee had any involvement and/or knowledge about this affair, or whether it only was limited to playing and coaching personnel.

I hope for our sake that none of our players - either those with us at the moment, or those who departed during the season - have had anything to do with these shenanigans. But there are people that are suggesting that this is the tip of the iceberg. Wait and see I suppose.

Then again, the FFV have come out with their own statement, claiming that along with the FFA, they "will finalise appropriate action to be taken against Southern Stars Football Club over the coming days" and that they "are currently assessing any implications associated with the 2013 VPL finals series and will make an announcement tomorrow."

Steve From Broady's Under 21s Report
As the game was played at 4:00 rather than 6:00, and our intrepid reporter couldn't manage to get out to Lakeside that early, his match report is based on what was relayed to him later on by someone else.

South Melbourne's under 21s played top of the table Northcote City on Saturday afternoon. Northcote were three points away from the championship and South were trying to avoid the wooden spoon (for fuck's sake, bit of an exaggeration there or what - Ed) . Northcote City kicked off and dominated from the get go, creating great chances and after half an hour they took the lead and it wasn't long after that that Northcote scored again to make it 2-0, and it stayed like that until half time. Northcote dominated the second half but didn't add to the score - it finished 2-0 to Northcote, who were crowned champions for the 2013 season.

Steve From Broady's Canteen Report
It was the last visit to the South food van for 2013 on Saturday night. The souv was wrapped in foil this week for the first time - maybe this was due to the cup game against Preston when my souv fell to shit and ended up on the athletics track? My souv on Saturday night was good, but it still was short of perfection. I give the final souv of 2013 at Lakeside an 8 out of 10. Hopefully next season South have there own social club and can take the food up a notch to an epic 10 out of 10. Next week we go to Port Melbourne on the last day of the season, with the Port canteen a chance to get a 10 - it should be an epic end to the VPL food championship, until then get a parma into ya!!!!!

1. Pascoe Vale 10/10
2. Melbourne Knights 9.9/10
3. Oakleigh Cannons 9.5/10
4. Hume City 8/10
5. Bentleigh Greens 7/10
6. Richmond 6.5/10
7. Northcote City 3.5/10
8. Southern Stars 2/10
9. Green Gully 1/10
10. Dandenong DQ 

South food truck

• Week 1 - 4.5/10
• Week 2 - 7/10
• Week 3 - 8.5/10
• Week 4 - 5/10
• Week 5 - 5.5/10
• Week 6 - 9/10
• Week 7 - 6/10
• Week 8 - 7.5/10
• Week 9 - 8/10
• Week 10 - 9/10
• Week 11 - 8/10

Final Average Score

• 7/10

Next Week
Minor shades of 2011 with a pretty fucked up last round of the home and away season game against Port Melbourne, at Port Melbourne. The prize if we win, and if  results fall our way? Fifth place and an elimination final against... Port Melbourne, at Port Melbourne.

Around the Grounds
A pretty fucked up finish to the Altona East - Keilor Park game yesterday. After falling behind to a brilliant free kick, East equalised with a powerful and well placed header. Then they got one of the most fucked up penalties I've ever seen - seriously, the entire crowd was laughing at it - which Andy Bourakis scored, before Keilor got what looked like another fucked up penalty for handball very late in the game (which they converted), making me think that it was square up for the earlier fuck up.

Final Thought
How shit were we that we couldn't even beat a team that was allegedly match fixing?

Soccer and Scandal in Squeaky Clean Singapore - Neil Humphreys' 'Match Fixer'

Neil Humphreys' novel Match Fixer – released in the first half of 2010, but reviewed a year later because that's just when I got round to it – is a satisfying enough tale of sex, drugs and football, whose best moments are not generated by the plot or characters, but by the central idea that drives it – but more on that later.

The novel begins with Chris Osborne getting his legs smashed to pieces with a baseball bat outside his Singapore apartment. Chris knows why he is being attacked, he knows who is attacking him, and that there is no point in offering any resistance. It's a surreal moment to say the least.

Osborne, an East End lad who dreams of fulfilling his and his father's dreams by starring in the English Premier League with West Ham, soon finds out that talent and hard work are not enough. Politics sees him jettisoned to the other side of the world, to Geelong of all places, in order play in a nation which culturally favours athletes to artists on the field, and for whom the beautiful game is a summer distraction at best.

More politics means Osborne's Australian stay is brief, eventually finding himself in one of football's most obscure corners, Singapore's S-League. The standard is low, the players poorly paid and the whole competition mired in apathy, as the image conscious Singaporeans of all ethnic stripes show more allegiance to the distant monoliths of the EPL.

But Osborne soon makes himself at home. He's scoring freely, his team is doing well, and his exploits are creating a buzz around an otherwise moribund league. He finds himself a beautiful and educated local girl, Yati, and he's even offered the chance of being capped for Singapore's national team. But the pervasive gambling culture of South East Asia is never far away.

Rather than supporting a team or admiring fine play, every football fan Chris meets seems more interested in how many goals will be scored in the coming week and who to put their money on. The highest rating football program in the region is due to the presence of journeyman player and loudmouth pundit Danny 'The Spear' Spearman and the supposed precision of the tips given by him, even while Danny is the subject of an ongoing corruption investigation.

Humphreys spent 10 years in Singapore, and made his name with several books (and a popular newspaper column) discussing various aspects of the island nation. I haven't read any of these, and I can't pretend to be an expert on Singapore's internal dynamics, but the Singapore that Humphreys presents in Match Fixer is a nation of almost impossible hypocrisy.

It's squeaky clean on the surface, yet corrupt to the core. Multi-religious and multi-ethnic, but full of distrust and prejudice. A first world nation just one generation removed from its colonial third world past, and yet with a class system so fixed and entrenched that it would make even its former imperial masters blush.

While the novel starts off brightly enough, it isn't quite able to pull off its increasingly complicated conspiracy narrative. It also falls victim to its own romantic notions of what football is really about. What holds the entire story together, and makes it work as something more than the sum of its parts, is the seed of doubt that Humphreys plants right at the start of the novel.

This is a work of fiction and the characters portrayed do not exist. It is a story about an aspiring footballer from East London who ends up in Singapore; it is not a book about football.

On the face of it, it's a standard disclaimer to any piece of fiction which could possibly be construed as speaking on real people and situations. And yet that is the novel's genius – it puts forward one of football's most pressing and yet most avoided questions. How do you know if a match is fixed? How can you be sure as a fan or player that every result, or indeed any result, is legitimate?

With gambling becoming intrinsic to all sports – with commentators now giving revised odds during matches, and the odds for the week's favourites even being presented as news - and with gambling revenue vital to governments seeking to provide even basic public services, such speculation should not be scoffed at lightly.

The Internet allows people to bet on even the most obscure and meaningless contests – even highly experimental pre-season Victorian Premier League matches featuring no-name trialists have people dedicated to turning up to rock hard grounds in Melbourne's industrial backblocks to relay details of goals, cards and the general flow of play.

If these people are that keen and so widespread, what could possibly stop the gambling syndicates from infiltrating any layer of football that they may choose? And what happens if (and some may even say when) gambling becomes the core part of the game? Where would that leave the old world romantics, those who support dead end clubs made up of also-rans and other assorted journeyman - whom it could be argued hold one expectation above all else - that even if their side is belted most weeks, it's because they deserved to be belted.

Match Fixer and Humphreys don't provide a definitive answer to what might happen to football in such a scenario – but the example of Singapore and one English footballer's attempt to play the game straight aren't encouraging. By the time the novel ends, and by the time Humphreys has stripped away the excess, much like the protagonist, the reader is left alone to ponder this question. It's an unsettling feeling.

More reports and reactions to South's win over Gombak

This one from Back of the Net is really good, quite comprehensive. The folks on the Asian Bookie Forums are a little less interested in the quality of the game, or the spectacle, and more interested in what the result could do for their bank balance. One guy lost. This guy won. This thread confused me. And some mixed reactions on the Kallang Roar forum.

Dodgy Asian Betting Advertisement

And to the Dodgy Asian Betting guy at the game today

Seriously, I know you didn't bring it up with me personally - and I don't blame you, because I was angry and had an umbrella (yes my umbrella is back after half a season!) - but I make no apologies for my behaviour causing you to move across the way a bit in order to communicate to your superiors. I wonder what you said though when the guy's heart attack brought an abrupt end to the 1st half - home dead perhaps?

Canberra Trip Part 3 - Dodgy Asian betting and the ride home

So we're on the bus trying to figure out where the ground is, getting directions from a couple of kids that came up with their dad in their own car - one of which I was doing one of those vocalised/mouth noise guitar solos to Frozen Tears - but were hitching a ride with us to the game. Good thing they were there too or else we might've still been looking for the place. We eventually find the place, and we're early enough to co-ordinate a dramatic entrance - by Canberra standards - and take up a position on the hill. Except of course that I was roped in to do the dodgy Asian betting thing. So I'm off to the halfway line.

To explain what that's all about, as best I can. Betting firms of indeterminate legality in a place which or may or may not be called China hire people to hire people to 'call' or 'commentate' VPL games. Except that it really isn't commentating in an Andy Paschalidis kind of fashion, more stuff like 'away danger', 'home corner', etc. There's different levels of detail for different companies, but the main thing is that the gamblers and those listening to your commentary don't care so much about South Melbourne or Robbie Wynne (for example) as individual entities, rather as part of an over the phone, online, and imagined tug of war .

I had agreed not only to do one game of commentary with one guy on the line saying 'ok', but also have another guy on another phone just listening - and if he was to talk tome, my instructions were not to talk to him - which all got a bit difficult when the game was delayed because not enough pegs were holding the goals, something that would usually be checked during half time in the reserves, except that the AIS's reserves play in Victoria, and they're not really their reserves, they're just the VIS. Anyway, the guy who I was talking to seemed to understand that there was a delay - which just kept on dragging on - but the listener kept asking for information who was attacking and such.

He must've hung up as I then received a call from my boss for the day, some guy called Jerry, getting stuck into me, telling me that I wasn't doing a very good job as his client wasn't getting information on who was attacking and such. A little miffed because I've been telling one guy on the hands free and one on my own phone that game has been delayed and the reason for it. Explaining it to Jerry his tone changes fairly quickly, and we're back in business. The game eventually gets under way, and apart from a few early teething problems, the sun in my eyes, and a linesman doing his best to block out my view, it's going ok.

At the end of the first half, which at that moment I didn't realise had gone only 40 odd minutes, I noticed that my battery had gone down to one bar. Would it last to the end? A mad rush to find someone to swap sim cards with ensued; incompatible carrier; seemingly impossible to release sim card; I decided that I would just try my luck with what I had. Of course the confusion caused by the 40 minute halves started kick in during the second half. My 'listener' called in a few minutes into it, and my talking 'ok' guy dropped out entirely, and didn't call back. Persevering to the end, seeing the game in only a limited palette, I wondered whether it had all been worth it, and would I get paid? The players go over to the supporters and high five, shake hands and say thanks for coming, and despite coming in a little late, I get a gloved hand to Goran Zoric, and then get my head shaking in annoyance on camera at the farcical situation of it all, having driven eight hours up and with another eight to go, for 80 minutes of football.

Time to get back on the bus, with the previous night's missed sleep starting to catch up with me. There's still the travelling humour, but people are more tired, and sleep takes over. Even I start drifting in and out of consciousness from Albury onwards. Easy listening music drifts across, most of it dross, but there's the brief flicker of outstanding respite when Springsteen's 'The River' comes on. More Acropolis Now episodes get played, with at one stage the DVD stuck at the menu screen and playing the theme song about 12 times in a row. Most of the complaints are coming from the back, the hellish torture of the the song itself magnified by the fact that there's almost no way of getting past that many arms and legs stretched into the aisle in order to turn it off.

We stop at a few places, service stations, roadhouses. I buy myself a bag of marshmallows and the most crappy banana flavoured milk I've ever had. Not wanting to get a carton which I know I'll spill over the seats, it's the only thing in a bottle that isn't some variation of coffee. Someone as a joke buys a forbidden dim sim. Just outside Seymour a car is flipped onto its roof, a police car behind it. Someone gets dropped off in Wandong. Someone else on High Street. Finally back to where we started from, a quick clean out of the bus, and them time to go home. I'm going to catch a taxi, but it's insisted that I get a lift with someone. That someone turns out to be a person who can't quite grasp the purposes of speedbumps and roundabouts, but there's no complaining, as I'm expected to be grateful. And when I get home in one piece, I am.



- This would have been better had I taken notes, but perhaps it would have lost some of its charm. With thanks to everyone involved on the trip, but especially Michal, Eamonn and Tony.