Kiss of Death, Round 9, 2010

Kiss of Death is thinking of dessert, and so am I. Well, we have one thing in common after all.


Oakleigh Cannons vs Sunshine Georgies
Friday night at Jack Edwards. Oakleigh to brush aside the Sunshine Georgies 3-1. Not much to say about this one.

Richmond vs South Melbourne
This is the game to be at on Friday night, not Jack Edwards. Four goal hero Gianni De Nittis has finally found his range and the team is finally starting to play convincing, attractive football. A 0-6 thumping of high flying Hume has given everyone a breath of fresh air. The win we had to have. Richmond lost to Oakleigh and is on the backfoot from the get-go. A four day turnaround before they play us, most likely to be raining, South fans to be going feral still high from the win at Hume, Chatz to be under pressure, and South to top off the start of the weekend with a 0-3 win. Biggest talking point will be the boiled continental sausages and the Bavarian cheesecake.

Dandenong Thunder vs Green Gully Cavaliers
I’m still not convinced with Dandy Funder. This year they are pretty poor and Munro surely must be going soon. Gully to continue Funder’s poor season with a 0-2 win.

Hume City vs Altona Magic
I would be very surprised if Vlahos will still be on the bench for Hume before or after this game. Altona Magic will go to Hume knowing that South gave them six. Hume will know Altona Magic will be coming to rub it in. The scoreboard attendant will know the game will stay at 0-0 and he won’t be needed.

Melbourne Knights vs Bentleigh Greens
I love the Knights. They give the league a breath of fresh air. They bring mediocre high flying teams back down to earth with a thud. Bentleigh is gonna cop it. They are the most overrated team in the league, and the ladder proves that. Knights to walk away with this one 3-0 with the Canadians scoring a brace.

Heidelberg Utd vs Northcote City
What a season for the Bergers. Only win of the year at the tribunal. Can’t see them winning anything else to be honest. Northcote is a bit shabby, but good enough to beat the bergers. 0-2 to the good guys. (Northcote City)

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water...

We are apparently appealing a couple of points from the tribunal results regarding the recent rank stupidity which occured against Heidelberg. The appeal will be heard on Wednesday, 5th May and looks like this in officialese. Basically we're trying to appeal one of the charges - specifically the bringing the game into disrepute thanks to our club associates entering the field of play. And we'll also be having a go at getting the 1-1 reinstated instead of the 0-3. Good luck with all that. I'd love to hear the argument they'll use now that they couldn't use before. Thanks to one of this blog's favourite 'club associates' Psile, for giving us the heads up.

Highlights from Hume game

Lots of goals. Bit of sun glare. Chitchat with Vasilevski, De Nittis and De Moraes. Complete lack of acknowledgment from the commentator of his role in the aftermath of the first goal. Disappointing.

Arounds the grounds with the youth and women's sides

I've neglected these two entities for different reasons so far this season, and perhaps it's time to rectify that situation.

The under 21s have been having a good season - the momentum gained from turning around the fortunes last year (praise be to David Lugli for making them watchable again), where they finished second to Heidelberg after a couple of seasons of serious below par-ness, has not been squandered, and they are currently sitting first on the table, under the managership of Joe 'Pepe' Montemurro. I had the opportunity to watch nearly the entire hit out against Hume - the only fault I could find was in squandering countless opportunities - but their commitment and class couldn't be questioned when they came back from a goal down to beat Hume 2-1. Rhodri Payne also got some game time as he makes his way back from injury, but no sign yet of Nathan Caldwell. It's a very far cry from the dark days of 2007, where a 9 man Kingston outfit - with an outfield player as keeper! - dragged back a 3-1 deficit to win 4-3 at Kingston Heath, with some of our players on the bench laughing about it, as if it didn't matter.

As for the women, the giddy highs achieved last year appear to be a distant memory. They've lost all three games so far, having lost players of the calibre of Laura and Amelia Spiranovic as well as others to various forces of natural attrition, such as work, travel and becoming part of the women's NTC squad. As reported earlier in the year, it also appears as if they still haven't decided whether they are one of us - that is, the bigger South family - or a distinct entity. They still use the South name and a version of the South logo, but appear to be getting closer to declaring outright and full independence. Which is fine by me, as long as they get themselves a new identity. While their links to South have always been viewed by some as tenuous at best, now that the club is bringing everything back into the fold, the way things once ran, logically, can't continue in the bold world of today. If they want to be a club solely for women, that's entirely their prerogative - but lose the South Melbourne name and let everyone get on with their lives.

Self-service Kebabs - Hume City 0 South Melbourne 6

No seriously - in return for your $5, you received a bread roll with a cut in the middle; the dude in charge of the meat would place a selction of shavings into said roll; then you were free to add your own amounts of onion and tomato. Not sold on this method myself.

Anyways, Hume came flying out of the blocks, and we were scrambling. This lasted for about 20 minutes or so, then we worked our way into, scored, and kept on scoring for the rest of the game. Many of the goals were comical in their ease - the pick of the bunch was Daniel Vasilevski's freekick in the 2nd half to make it 5-0.

Hume had a few out apparently, but still had some classy players out there, and came out breathing fire, and then just stopped. It was bizarre. I said it last week, I know, but a much tougher game this week against Richmond.

Gianni De Nittis and Travis Cloke bagging four goals in a single day? Who knew such things were possible. Oh, and the legendary umbrella is dead. Lest we forget.

More Pumpkins

You know the drill.

Finally, finally, finally, maybe, probably, I think it's done

Neos Kosmos yesterday, in its sliver of VPL coverage, and once you get through the usual Oakleigh suckhole guff, reported that we will be playing out of Northcote. Thank you. Now was that so very, very hard?
Now, to the minuseseses. I wasted some good time funny action hysterics by posting that playing out of the biodome krap yesterday.

On the plus side, I was wrote it up while procrastinating and keeping future lawyers off the computers in the library at Vic Uni's Queen Street campus.

So apart from the heinous endless pointless come on and just bloody tell us we're playing at Olympic Park Northcote already, I think I came out of this at about even.

Kiss of Death, Round 8, 2010

Kinnie, peanuts, souvlaki  - seems like the Kiss of Death hasn't had a decent meal for a while.


Bentleigh Greens vs Heidelberg United
Well, well, well. The peanut seller really is making a killing so far this year. All these Greek derbies, and no sign of the taxman make for a prosperous year. Now I realise why he is pushing for more Greek teams in the VPL. Souvlakis aplenty, and I might even make an appearance. Bergers to still be reeling from their tribunal hearing on Wednesday, and with three of their players being suspended including Tilovski, Elvin and the other one, the final score Bentleigh 3 Heidelberg 0. Please note: the suspensions mentioned are just my opinion on the tribunal hearing.

Northcote City vs Dandenong Thunder
Yet to have Munro’s departure confirmed, but either way, Northcote to beat the Funder 2-0 in a scrappy contest. Funder is finished.

Altona Magic vs Melbourne Knights
The Balkan derby. As the only person in the known universe to have tipped last weeks 2-2 for Altona Magic, I can now come out and tip Altona Magic 3 Melbourne Knights 3. Both play attacking, eh, kinda football.

Green Gully Cavaliers vs Sunshine Georgies
Aya ha kefinti! No idea what that means, but those words and ‘Kinnie’, are all I know of the Maltese language. This is the battle of the nobles (Gully), and the peasants from Gozo (Georgies). The pirates will be feasting on pastizzi, getting drunk on Kinnie, and slashing a horse or two. Will be a tight one, but Gully will be too good for George Cross. Final score Gully 2 George Cross 1.

Hume City vs South Melbourne - Anzac Day Cup
The landing on the shores of Gallipoli on 25 April 1915 was the first major military operation in which the new Australian commonwealth was involved. Because of this it has been regarded as the “baptism of fire” of the new nation. Lest We Forget. 

Turks vs Greeks. How this is relevant to Anzac Day other than the event date, I do not know (according to an apocryphal tale, the Turks were told the Aussies were actually Greeks - Ed). We will sit there and respect the Turkish anthem as proud Australians. We will then sit there and watch Hellas beat Hume 0-2. Be mindful of the ground signage, and all the kickboxers in the shiny jeans. Oh yeah, apparently the ground is an absolute shambles.

Oakleigh Cannons vs Richmond
I got no idea how Oakleigh won at Hume last weekend. Richmond will struggle. Oakleigh will beat them 1-0. Johnny A to make his excellent tactical substitutions in the 83rd, 85th, and 87th minutes.

Welcome to Jazz Club - Nice

Whoa. This week's edition of SMFCTV has taken a turn I didn't quite expect. The combination of commentary and music makes it sit halfway between an Aural Text spoken word beatnik piece (wonderful Triple R programme which I had the honour of being on last year) and The Fast Show's Jazz Club skits. Some other things worth noting, maybe:

• Steve O'Dor's nickname must be livewire or something similarly suitable. 
• There's a weird light on Joe Keenan's head, which often illuminates his right ear.
• Vaughan Coveny endorses pitch invasions! Ok, that's probably a bit disingenuous from me.

Finally the answer to where we'll be relocating

Back in the day when me and Hunter S. Thompson were out in the Nevada badlands, on too much of whatever it was we'd taken - he wrote a book about it which you may have heard of, A Bear called Paddington - and we saw this neglected outpost of the world's second best sport, 43 man squamish. The rest of the trip was a bit of blur to be honest, and it's hard to tell what was factual and what was more factual. We always meant to go back and tidy it up, but since we didn't know how we got there in the first place, we let the moment pass.

 

Anyway, it was somewhat a surprise to then learn that improvements had been made to the ground in the past 40 odd years - and now that dustbowl boutique stadium is a virtual tropical biodome paradise. And with people freaking out about still not being told where we're going to play during our relocation away from Lakeside, it is my pleasure to announce that this stadium will be brought over here to Melbourne, ala the Famous Spiegeltent, and shipped from place to place to let people from all over Melbourne marvel at its sheer tremindosity. Who's footin' the bill you may ask? Well, the Victorian Government is of course. And the best bit is, only we get to use it. Marvelous, outstanding, crap. Normally I'm not for this kind of government spending wastage - esopecially when they could be funding more stuff like experimental theatre shows at public swimming pools. But you know what? Fuck it. This is the bare minimum we deserve. Because we are South Melbourne, the greatest club in the known universe, and everyone else can just shove if it they don't like it.

Well, there you go

A $3,500 fine in total, and a 3-0 loss.

Oh irony of ironies if Heidelberg avoid going down thanks to that; or if we miss out on finals, or double chance, or week off because of that point, or goal difference.

Found guilty or threatening behaviour/missiles et al, and bringing game into disrepute. Found not guilty for the running onto field and alleged lack of security.

Take what you can get and all that.

For the record Heidelberg Laser Dude cost his side $2,000.


EDIT

I mean, seriously, how did we not get fined or punished for the running on the field thing? Boy, did we get off relatively lightly. Beats me as to why. Not the end of it though methinks.

There's that scene in The Simpsons

in the Radioactive Man movie episode, where the nerds are trying to find out who's going to play Radioactive Man - I keep telling you, he's 73 years old and he's dead - and they have the one nerd underneath the producers table with his computer and listening device. That's where I wish I was with regards to the marathon hearing and deliberation session going. Instead I'm here. I've got to improve my networks.

Pet Hate Of The Month, April 2010

I know this blog could be described as pet hate of every month, week, day etc, but here's one that's been getting up my goat for a fair while - which is kinda topical seeing as we're probably going to get reamed at the tribunal tonight.


No one like us, we don't care.


But here's the thing - you do care. A lot. To bother coming up with a chant to show your indifference to your not being liked, or to borrow that chant, or to use it as a slogan of defiance, shows that you very much do care about what others think about you.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. But at least be honest about, and don't pretend that your feelins haven't been hurt by your enemies. The Zen thing to do, as is my understanding, would be to not resist the hate, but rather let it be and get on with your life.

And I'm not for one moment claiming this observation is in any way a stroke of genius. It was just something that was bugging me.

Croatian Duck Spectacular - Knights 0 South 1

 Photo: Gains.

A nice day, decent crowd, and a win where I thought we wouldn't get one. Joe Keenan with the only goal, a curled left foot shot around the Knights keeper. There's some people saying the Knights were lackluster, but I never saw that - I thought they moved the ball well enough, but weren't able to create enough gilt edged chances to justify a win - and some desperate defending by our boys, and a very solid game by Peter Zois helped a fair bit. For our part, I thought our first half was much better than our second. And we did create chances of our own, of a better quality than those of the Knights, if not quantity, and really, we should have added at least one more - we really need a striker - there's only so many goals we can score from midfield. Next up, Hume away on Anzac Day, which I fancy will be tougher than today's game, and to be played in much worse conditions.

It's about time

There's an elephant in the room - and Coveny on another coaching vacation isn't it. Enjoy what you can of this, because they haven't even given us the point yet. Carl Recchia and David Lugli do the chit chat business.

Tribunal hearing set for Wednesday 21st April

Check out the full list of alleged offences on the VPL's website. If you don't feel like reading, here's the gist. Four charges against us, two against the Bergers (laser pointing dude and Tilovki allegedly assaulting a fan). We've been charged with:

1. Physical objects being thrown and/or racial taunts
2. People who shouldn't have been on the field of play being omn the field of play
3. Alleged lack of security
4. Bringing the game into disrepute.

Tidy list there. Not sure how it will turn out, and I don't really want to second guess anything. Question is, when the judgements are handed down, what will be asked of the club and it's unruly 'associates'. Will they get the ban stick? Or will they be asked to make up for it in some way? The latest official South press release sheds some light on the matter. Some bannings in the pipeline it seems. Might be a good time to get out of the country for a bit. Probably a good thing I've ditched smfcboard too.

Kiss of Death, Round 7, 2010

What a week. Nevertheless, the world keeps turning, and the Kiss of Death keeps churning out its particular brand of wisdom. Enjoy.

Richmond vs Sunshine Georgies
Richmond to win this one 3-0. They had a tough task against the high flying Hume last week and got the draw as predicted by who else but me. Sunshine George Cross will not be able to absorb the constant pressure from Richmond this Friday night at Kevin Bartlett Reserve.

Green Gully Cavaliers vs Northcote City
I was suprised that Northcote didn't beat Sunshine George Cross last week. I was also suprised that Gully got up at Bentleigh. Therefore, using the formula of suprises, Gully to get this one 2-1.

Dandenong Thunder vs Bentleigh Greens
Funder to continue Bentleighs losing streak with a 2-1 win at Dandy. Loza to be walking on eggshells by the end of it all.

Heidelberg United vs Altona Magic
......and the winner is ? the peanut seller ! This game will finish in a 2-2 draw down at the village. On a sidenote, the chilli flakes in the canteen to be absolutely demolished.

Hume City vs Oakleigh Cannons
Choke, choke, choke, choke, choke, choke like Oakleigh, choke like Oakleigh! Forget it Jack Edwards heads. You're gonna lose this one too. The Knights should've beaten you 3/4-0. Hume WILL beat you 3/4-0.

Melbourne Knights vs South Melbourne
One of my favourite derbies. A ground on the fringe of Sunshine's industrial area, a ground fully owned by the Melbourne Croatia Social Club, great cevapi, and plenty of piss! Probably the most passionate derby in the VPL. The Knights had a great win at Oakleigh last week. South played an abandoned 91st minute game against the Bergers. The scoreline at the abandonment was 1-1. Game was abandoned because the police horses left deep divets on BJS. Anyway, South is playing pretty poorly and frankly I want heads on a platter. Knights are playing well. Score will be Knights 2 - South 3.

Where ist ein weekly highlights package?

Ich bin ein jelly donut and all that.

I mean, seriously, I want to see us not losing a regular season game against the Bergers.

I wonder why it hasn't come out yet.

Meh, who cares,

I gave a rambling seminar today for my one of honours subjects, and considering I was grossly underprepared, it went well enough, Certainly the other bewildered students thought it was very good. Pity they don't give out the marks.

For the record, it was an analysis of rhetoric using Plato, Aristotle and Cicero to analyise a 2002 Mark Latham speech. Good times, good times. Apart from the fascism and whatnot. But that never completely goes away, in any case.

So, how's Goran Zoric doing?

Well, to be honest, apart from being assigned the no. 20 shirt, I don't know. Police United aren't going too flash though, just the one draw from their first four games, sitting second last.

Thankyou Valkanis Family

Last Sunday's game, amongst other things, was also the end of the very long tenure of the Valkanis family's canteen operation at Middle Park and Lakeside. They won't be coming with us to wherever we're going, which is a pity. Their keftedes in particular will be missed.

They won't be lost to South entirely however, as they will now be providing comfort food to our junior wing. Hopefully they get a chance to enjoy a home senior game for the first time in what must be ages.

So thanks to the Valkanis family for their years of service, and to Filio, Jimmy and Helen  and whoever else they had do a guest stint, for making myself always feel welcome and a part of the South family.

For the record, I bought the final crumbed spicy chicken wing.