Kiss of Death, Round 8, 2010

Kinnie, peanuts, souvlaki  - seems like the Kiss of Death hasn't had a decent meal for a while.


Bentleigh Greens vs Heidelberg United
Well, well, well. The peanut seller really is making a killing so far this year. All these Greek derbies, and no sign of the taxman make for a prosperous year. Now I realise why he is pushing for more Greek teams in the VPL. Souvlakis aplenty, and I might even make an appearance. Bergers to still be reeling from their tribunal hearing on Wednesday, and with three of their players being suspended including Tilovski, Elvin and the other one, the final score Bentleigh 3 Heidelberg 0. Please note: the suspensions mentioned are just my opinion on the tribunal hearing.

Northcote City vs Dandenong Thunder
Yet to have Munro’s departure confirmed, but either way, Northcote to beat the Funder 2-0 in a scrappy contest. Funder is finished.

Altona Magic vs Melbourne Knights
The Balkan derby. As the only person in the known universe to have tipped last weeks 2-2 for Altona Magic, I can now come out and tip Altona Magic 3 Melbourne Knights 3. Both play attacking, eh, kinda football.

Green Gully Cavaliers vs Sunshine Georgies
Aya ha kefinti! No idea what that means, but those words and ‘Kinnie’, are all I know of the Maltese language. This is the battle of the nobles (Gully), and the peasants from Gozo (Georgies). The pirates will be feasting on pastizzi, getting drunk on Kinnie, and slashing a horse or two. Will be a tight one, but Gully will be too good for George Cross. Final score Gully 2 George Cross 1.

Hume City vs South Melbourne - Anzac Day Cup
The landing on the shores of Gallipoli on 25 April 1915 was the first major military operation in which the new Australian commonwealth was involved. Because of this it has been regarded as the “baptism of fire” of the new nation. Lest We Forget. 

Turks vs Greeks. How this is relevant to Anzac Day other than the event date, I do not know (according to an apocryphal tale, the Turks were told the Aussies were actually Greeks - Ed). We will sit there and respect the Turkish anthem as proud Australians. We will then sit there and watch Hellas beat Hume 0-2. Be mindful of the ground signage, and all the kickboxers in the shiny jeans. Oh yeah, apparently the ground is an absolute shambles.

Oakleigh Cannons vs Richmond
I got no idea how Oakleigh won at Hume last weekend. Richmond will struggle. Oakleigh will beat them 1-0. Johnny A to make his excellent tactical substitutions in the 83rd, 85th, and 87th minutes.

Kiss of Death, Round 6, 2010 season

The Kiss of Death is back after the break, to wield potty mouthed judgement on every tsombano and every peasant club in the league.

Bentleigh Greens vs Green Gully Cavaliers
Bentleigh's bubble finally burst at Northcote on the weekend. Hurrah! Hurrah!
Peanut Man made a killing at the Greek derby. Hurrah! Hurrah!
Bentleigh to beat a hapless/caretaker coached Green Gully 2-1. BOOOOOOOOO!

Oakleigh Cannons vs Melbourne Knights
The Cannons dropped points at the Village, and the Knights beat Richmond. We all know that I prefer the Knights over any other Greek team bar South, therefore Oakleigh 1 Knights 3.

Richmond vs Hume City
Hume has been playing really well, and so has Richmond. Chatz to tinker with his lineup and force a draw against Hume. Logic dictates a 1-1 draw and Richmond's scorer to be Daniel Visevic.

Altona Magic vs Dandenong Thunder
Andy Sfetcopoulos got a run last week for Altona. Is that why they won? HAHAHA No. Will Mr T be back in goals this week for Altona? Probably, if he gets over his injury. Where too next for Andy Sfet? Anyway, now onto the game. Dandy Funder looked a shadow of the team that surprised many last year. Munro's Mates are starting to falter and seem Funderstruck, and after the abuse Stuey copped last weekend, I have it on good authority that he will be getting the sack either this week or next. Magic will beat the Thunder and Stuey will be coaching them the week after. Altona Magic 3 Dandy Funder 0.

South Melbourne vs Heidelberg United
The Super Classico. The Derby of the Aiwnians. The Derby of all Derbies. This game is broadcast to a world wide audience of over five billion people. Catch is, you must have the internet and know of the FFV’s live stream. OLE! Bergers are in the shit… diarrhoea like shit, you know the one that is sooooo good, you don’t even need to wipe your arsehole? They are still trying to find Daniel from HUFCtv who seems to have disappeared, and personally, I’m still waiting for Episode 1 of HUFC radio. But anyhoo, I hope South teach those peasants a lesson or four. I want South to take us back to the good old days where you knew that the Bergers would cop plenty of goals. Bergers need to get pumped. They need a wake up call. It will be for the good of the game. South Melbourne 5 Heidelberg 0. De Nittis x4, Gasparis x1 + 4 assists.

Sunshine Georgies vs Northcote City
Northcote to my surprise have won two games this season. I had them down for zero wins, zero draws, plenty of losses. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt to beat the horse whisperers this weekend. It will be a tight game, with fuck all chances. The only chance of the game to fall to Northcote in the 92nd minute. Sunshine Georgies 0 Northcote City 1.

Kiss of Death - Round 5, 2010

He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...

Green Gully Cavaliers vs Altona Magic

Altona Magic missing key players through suspension. Green Gully playing good football but unlucky. Green Gully 2 – Altona magic 0.

Northcote City vs Bentleigh Greens

Hmm. I'm going against the grain somewhat, and putting Northcote down for this one. I still can’t tip Bentleigh. Northcote City 2 – Bentleigh Greens 1. The peanut man is doing very well lately. His team is on the up, a few Greek derbies to start off the season, yet the ‘Kalamatiano’ at South is still a thorn in his side.

Dandenong Thunder vs South Melbourne

Kitchens aplenty! The sooner this season finishes and puts Funder out of their misery, the better. Munro loses this weekend, he is gone. South also need to start playing for 90 minutes, not just 20. Oh Zeus, God of Gods, please give us something to be proud of this season. In return we will refrain from jerking off over the big names that we have. Dandy Funder 0 – South Melbourne 2.

Hume City vs Sunshine Georgies

Hume is playing really well. Damn it hurt saying that. But they have been for a while so I can’t deny them that. Sunshine is just Sunshine. Working man's club. Hume 4 – Sunshine 1.

Melbourne Knights vs Richmond

In probably the most boring game of the round, Melbourne Knights 1 Richmond 2. I can’t really say much about this game.

Heidelberg United vs Oakleigh Cannons

Two of my favourite teams. Heidelberg will be hassling Oakleigh all week to give them this game for the glory of Greece. The battle of the supercoaches. In what will be a pretty poor game that a certain radio station will be jerking themselves over, and a certain newspaper journalist will write an article this week telling us about how this game is one of the greatest derbies in the world, Oakleigh will beat Heidelberg and beat them well. Heidelberg to stay below 0. Heidelberg 0 – Oakleigh Cannons 6.

South of the Border welcomes the Kiss of Death - Round 3, 2010, match previews

Someone out there has finally cracked. They've grown weary after enduring the endless, mind numbing and poorly formatted pieces that pass for match previews on this site, and have decided to take up the famous Kiss of Death role on here. Of course, the anonymity of the Kiss of Death will be a tightly guarded secret, unless of course they choose to out themselves - suffice to say, it isn't me.

So welcome Kiss of Death to the South of the Border stable - let's hope you don't go the way of our last - and only prior regular contributor - Cliff Hussey, who's been missing in action since the end of 2008 (where he would write match reports for us), with reports being that he either joined a vampire fetish cult of some sort, or is too busy living it up as much as he can before he, like millions of teenagers before him he comes to realise how much of a tool he was at that age. Nah, Cliff's alright. But that haircut...

KISS OF DEATH - Round 3, 2010

Bentleigh Greens vs Altona Magic
Bentleigh Greens to win this one 2-1. The Magic will struggle down at Kingston Heath Soccer Complex. The facility does not suit their wide playing midfielders. On a positive note, Bentleigh is playing the NTC 2 days earlier, but as expected will field a stock standard 'who gives a shit’ side. The peanut man to make a killing down at his beloved Pangyprios.

Northcote City vs South Melbourne - The battle of the ‘sister clubs’.
Northcote City are looking for their first win in this years VPL campaign and so are South Melbourne. Northcote is yet to gain a point after 2 rounds, whereas South Melbourne have drawn 2 against Altona Magic away, and Bentleigh at home. South Melbourne to continue Northcote’s battle to stay up with a convincing 0-3 win away from home. A good crowd is expected, Greek dancing, Greek music on the PA, and a queue as far as the eye can see to purchase food and drinks. Ahmet Turer to do absolutely nothing.

Green Gully Cavaliers vs Oakleigh Cannons
Green Gully to convincingly put away Oakleigh 2-0, with plenty of missed chances. Jerry Karpeh to cost Oakleigh at least three clear goals. After this game, an inquisition will be held down at Jack Edwards Reserve.

Dandenong Thunder vs Richmond
Dandy Funder to get their second win this season against the mixed bag of Richmond.
In what has been an expected slow start by Dandy, this will just be a flash in the pan performance. Poor results to continue for both sides this season.

Melbourne Knights vs Sunshine Georgies
Melbourne Knights to let Sunshine George Cross know why they are paying rent. Melbourne Knights to win 3-1 with a performance more polished than their 3-3 draw against the Bergers. In what was a stroke of coaching madness, the Knights let a 3-1 lead with ten minutes to go wash away into Melbourne's wild weather. Knights to teach Sunshine George Cross a lesson in football fluency.

Heidelberg United vs Hume City
As they drive home from the Village with 3 points in the bag, Hume will be left to ponder what could’ve been a record victory. A miserly 1-0 victory should’ve been at least 7, but when you play the Bergers on a terrible pitch, in piss poor conditions, in front of a crowd of 85 (excluding the bar staff and officials), low scores are expected. They only play to beat South.