The perils of being asked to believe again - Hume City 1 South Melbourne 3

Everyone apparently hates Saturday games, so here was another Saturday game; at least this time it wasn't out fault. I watched a bit of NPL 1 and 2 action on the train. Eastern Lions vs Dandy City, with Dandy 1-0 up, and then 2-0 up with old mate Kosta Stratomitros getting sent off for what looked like dissent; a course of events which when related to another South fan prompted the response, "how could he get sent off for dissent? He doesn't even speak English!". My thinking is that it's possible that with the plentiful amount of Greeks refereeing in our division these days, Kosta could have been unlucky. 

At 2-0 I drew a line through both that game an Lions' tenure in NPL1, and moved onto North Geelong vs Langwarrin, which included old mate Fraser Maclaren in goal for the visitors. That game looked to be heading to a 1-0 win to North - whose Elcho Park home still has an NPL sponsor banner with PS4 branding - but Perry Mur must've found a penalty for Langwarrin deep into injury time; a sequence of play that I did not get to see, because I had to get off at Coolaroo station about ten minutes before the end of that game. 

I got to the ground around 5:15, with the thinking that at least I'll be able to see most of the curtain-raiser. Well, that plan was scuppered when I found that upon arrival, the match was already well into its second half, having inexplicably started an hour earlier than the match really had any right to. Hume have experimented with kickoff times for its curtain raisers - including having them not be the curtain raiser, but rather the closer - but the point of having the match finish a full hour before the scheduled start of the senior match is still perplexing to me.

Anyway, when I arrived it was 1-0 to our reserves with about a half hour to go. Then Hume got a red card, then they levelled, and then they botched about 2-3 very good chances to win the game. It finished 1-1, and I learned nothing about who may or may not be a good senior team prospect from our side. That lack of insight is probably more on me though, seeing as how apart from not being particularly impressed with either side, I was also distracted by the frequent appearance of low flying aircraft. Now I previously lived under a flight-path, and currently reside adjacent to one, but neither of those situations was quite the same as having jets fly so close so as to drown out conversation with the person next to you.

Still, there's only so many descending planes you can look at while waiting an hour for the senior game to start. That's time that had to be filled in with a chicken kebab (a little dry, but good flavour), a can of sour cherry nectar (savoured, slowly), and waiting for South people to turn up. That eventually happened, where we discussed the late collapse of South senior women's team against Heidelberg earlir that afternoon, and we then watched the frenetic warm-up of the senior men. No Max Mikolla, who was put with five yellow cards, no Josh Wallen on the bench, who was injured and also suspended. Perry Lambropoulos was back on the bench, after a long injury lay off. 

 

Hume had been in better form of late, but thanks to Dandy City's win earlier in the day, were now in the relegation zone. Their crowds - such as they were - have fallen away, much like our own and pretty much every other team's. Best indication of how everyone's crowds have dropped is people discussing how easy it is to get in and out of a car park after a game. 

In this match we reverted somewhat to early season type, and put this game out of its misery within about a half hour. No long throws, no goals from penalties, no goals from corners of free kicks. It was all rather dull, straightforward stuff. Second half, the cue was put firmly in the rack, and Hume managed to get a late consolation goal which negated the payment of a clean-sheet bonus. One couldn't call that second half performance a fade-out, though some people may still want to try, because we were so in control of the very little that happened. 

But the really horrible thing is how soft everyone has gotten. Everyone hated the coach, the way we play(ed), and now it's like... not so much of a big deal. People have turned. Apparently all it took was 14 wins from 18 games, as opposed to a mere 13 wins, and the maintenance of a four point gap at the top. So people are now like... maybe I was wrong. Or maybe after the awful results of the last few years, this isn't so bad. And like, Harry Sawyer doesn't look a baby giraffe anymore, but rather an accomplished and versatile striker who maybe should be playing in a better league. Esteban Quintas is no longer an out and out fraud, and perhaps no longer even being carried in 2022 by the superior playing personnel at his disposal, but has been turned into a more considerate, changed man, more flexible, more willing to delegate.

Editorial extract from Soccer News,
  vol. 01, no. 02, 1948.

It's the same kind of guff I heard a lot of when Collingwood made its unexpected run to a grand final loss in 2018, with Nathan Buckley almost becoming a coach worth cheering for.  It's like watching someone who's been burned before, slowly learning to love again. And it's sickening. The team that was considered to be taking advantage of inferior and under-prepared opposition, riding its luck on set pieces, relying on 20 minutes of good play and the acrobatic exploits of its goalkeeper, is now being touted as well, a passable unit. Perhaps more than passable. Me, until that grand final trophy is in our hands, I'm going to cling on to the idea that the only reason we're good, is that everyone is actually not what we term really good.

Next game

Green Gully at home on Friday night.

Because some of you are still wondering

After noting in the most recent match report that, barring some unfortunate accident, our senior men had mathematically avoided relegation, I suppose it's only fair to provide an update on what's going with the other irrelevant ladder race: in this case, the 2021 Bespoke Championship.

Without going back to check, I believe that the last time I posted about this matter would have been around about the time we played and lost to Oakleigh away. At the time, that result was counted by Football Victoria as three Bespoke Championship points for Oakleigh, even though it should not have been counted as such because it was an Oakleigh home match, and not a South home game which should have been designated as the relevant fixture for this nonsense.

I didn't expect FV to correct the mistake this century, but it appears that they actually have. So kudos to them for keeping up with the farce. That's more than can be said for Avondale, who have gone rather silent on their socials about this monstrosity that they helped bring into existence, as well as the anecdotal suggestion that they've been blocking from their Facebook page anyone who brings up the current status of Bespoke Championship.

For our part, as you can see on the table on the left, South is out of the running for the Bespoke Championship, with only Oakleigh and Avondale left to duke it out. Oakleigh's remaining fixture is against our good selves in a few weeks time, while Avondale play against Port the following week to wrap up the meaningful part of this meaningless exercise.

Slightly more relevant

We're 15 points clear of seventh place, with just 24 more points up for grabs - and with neither sixth or seventh place able to get any more points off us.

Final thought

Thanks to Johnny for the lift back to Sunshine, it was much appreciated.

Another day, another win - South Melbourne 4 St Albans 0

Another week, another terrible crowd. One could blame the cold, the timeslot, the lack of outside beers, the uninspiring opponent, the general lack of hope, waiting for the NSD, covid, live-streams, camping, long weekend getaways, birthday parties, not being invited to the player auction night, the kids, traffic snarls, political strife at home and abroad. But I promise you, the second all those things go away, people will turn up to watch South again. 

I would have got to the ground fifteen minutes earlier than the already absurd time I got to the ground, were it not for two blokes punching on in the first arriving (and quite crowded) route 12 tram at the corner of Collins and Spencer. Well, it was more like one tall bloke punching on with a much smaller bloke, with the tall bloke being held back by a small Asian woman, and the small bloke eventually getting off the tram and having his meager possessions tossed out onto the tram platform.

Suffice to say, I was happy enough to let that tram go and wait for the next one even if it was another 15 minutes or so away. What good would turning up earlier have done anyway? I'd already had lunch, and the assumption that there would be anyone I knew in the social club to have a quiet drink with turned out to be way off base. Everyone's got something better to do. At least there was time for one member of staff behind the bar to learn about the existence of the "scotch and dry". 

In such miserable circumstances, it only made sense to pick the wonkiest table in the room upon which to sip my drink, while watching the live stream on my phone of the women's team losing to FV Emerging in the arena outside. I have my reasons for not heading outside; and I was watching the game on my phone, because none of the television screens in the social club were on, probably because the only person who seems to know how to operate them was also not in attendance on Saturday.

Eventually enough familiar people turned up that it was worth moving to a non-wonky table, and then the game was on and one had to step outside into - it must be said - the not really all that cold weather, notwithstanding Max Mikkola wearing gloves, which South of the Border will forgive for obvious reasons. Once more, as with the past few weeks, we were forced from our regular Clarendon Corner bay, into the middle of the stand. Apparently that area that's closed off to patrons is still undergoing painting works, though people are now suspecting that it's just another cost cutting measure. While we were still able to set up camp in Row H, it nevertheless feels like being a migrant in a new country trying to replicate your existence 

Some matches zip by, while others seem to hang around. This was one of the latter. When we opened the scoring at what point past the twenty minute mark that it was, I was shocked that it we weren't so much closer to half time. Credit to Max Mikkola for that opening goal, making the most of his initially crappy free kick attempt to volley home a belter that I was oohing over almost as soon as it left his boot. Credit also to Marcus Schroen for letting someone else take a free kick. It's called delegating, and every leader should become accustomed to doing it.

Max's next goal, soon afterwards, was much more straightforward, except for a bit in the lead-up which ended up seeing Nikola Jurkovic get sent off. We assumed at the time it was some sort of dissent, but replays suggest that Jurkovic tried to elbow one of our players in the head while aiming to try and block our player from running downfield. Classic Jurkovic move, and that pretty much sealed the game. One more goal from a Max long throw, and another from a Max cross, and that was more than enough to settle this one. 

Incidentally, the best bit about the fourth goal, which was achieved by a lovely angled header by Schroen, is showing exactly what Marcus is best - forward play, as a sort of pseudo-second striker, something like his performance in the 2016 grand final. 

That's something for the top brass to think about, while I muse on other things, like an injured Josh Wallen deliberately getting a yellow card, so that inevitably missing the upcoming Hume isn't a complete waste.  One person did put up the suggestion that instead of potentially scoring a fifth goal, it would have been preferable to concede a goal, because that would at least eliminate the cost of a clean sheet bonus. 

Once again Mikkola was benched early, this time about an hour in. Once more he was very upset at that, and I can see why: most players want to play as much as they can; most players having the kind of night he was having want to keep that run going; and if you're being looked at for potential A-League recruitment, you want to keep showing off your wares. But I can (this time) why he was subbed off by the coach. The game was done, so there was no point in having him out there potentially getting injured; the game was done, meaning it was a chance to give some of our younger players a run; and Max also already had a yellow card (which will apparently see him miss the next match anyway), so there the risks outweighed the benefits of him being out there much longer.

Be happy with the comfortable win, and on to the remaining games in the home and away calendar.

The race to avoid relegation, the race to the finals, and the race to top spot

Saturday's win saw us reach the 40 point mark, well clear of the 30 point mark people have been throwing around only half-jokingly in terms of avoiding relegation. Relegation talk is all a bit moot now, seeing as how the two teams currently in the relegation zone are unlikely to get 30 points between them. In any case, with just 9 games and 27 more points up for grabs, second last-placed Dandenong City - currently on 10 points - can at absolute best only reach a tally of 37 points, a game behind our current tally. So, congratulations to us for avoiding relegation officially, barring some extra-curricular rule breaking nonsense. 

So attention now turns to the race for the finals, where we still have to play the teams currently in second, third, fourth, and fifth. We're currently 14 points clear of seventh placed Heidelberg (whom we already played twice, and thus cannot take points directly off us), so it would take a monumental stuff-up from here to fail to make the finals. I'm not saying it's not possible, only that it's really rather unlikely, seeing as how we also have to play each of the bottom three once more. But stranger things have happened I suppose.

The race for top spot however, is still very much wide-open, though you'd prefer to be in our position than anyone else's. Oakleigh's loss against the Bergers yesterday gives us back some breathing space - four points to be precise - which might come in handy come the end of the home and away season. Granted, first place offers almost no material advantage for finals, but it should (I hope) the opportunity to play in the NPL national playoffs.

Next game

Hume away on Saturday night. Assuming he even plays, will the 17-year-old Hume goalkeeper have turned 18 by now? Will there even be enough South fans in attendance to heckle any Hume goalkeeper? Even if there are enough South fans in attendance, will they be too precious to stand out in the cold, preferring instead to stay indoors, and eating kebabs while watching GWS vs Footscray?

Final thought

I still cannot comprehend how the social club can't just sell you a burger without a serving of chips, or a chicken sandwich without a serving of chips, or a lamb sandwich without a serving of chips; and yet hey also cannot find a way to serve plated meals which would naturally come with a serving of chips.

Losing sucks, and yet... - Melbourne Knights 2 South Melbourne 1

Six days a week of election work (two kinds!) has taken its toll on my social life over the past month and a bit, and thus here we are again with another ridiculously late post. I've barely even been on my computer in the last week, except to visit government and banking websites. 

And look, I'm disappointed with how last week ended, but also - it was a whole week ago. There's something to be said for writing posts immediately after the fact - or as close as possible to the conclusion of a match - because it gets the frothing anger vibes down good, which certainly makes for more visceral communication. But the further one gets away from the match, the more one sees the whole affair in perspective, which also has its merits.

So, while unhappy that we lost the game, and the manner in which we lost it, it's not the end of the season for us, much less the end of the world. After several weeks of brute force heroics which saw us win games that we probably didn't deserve to win, a couple of elementary defensive errors and some poor decision making cost us a game we otherwise had the better of. Josh Wallen was at the heart of these affairs, playing in the uncustomary position for him of right-back.

(my favourite comment on this game, perhaps the season, is the observation that Quintas' attempt to turn Wallen into a right-back is like John Anastasiadis trying to turn Gianni De Nittis into a left-back)

A few people have asked why he is playing there, when there are other options available who aren't injured or suspended. Lirim Elmazi, Morgan Evans, Chris Irwin... all more experienced and suited to playing in that position than Wallen. Maybe playing Chris Irwin at right-back would mean you could play Jai Ingham on the wing for a half, and then replace him with Andy Brennan for a half, since that is all either Ingham and Brennan seem able to manage.

(and again, what was the point of allegedly kidnapping Ingham at the airport to only play half games? or can we only afford to pay him for half a game?)

Anyway, the other big talking point was why didn't Max Mikkola start the game? Apparently he did train during the week, and thus was not selected as a starter. But apparently he did not train this week, because he was trialling at Central Coast Mariners. Which, if that is the case, it would seem silly, perhaps, even stupid, to exclude a player who was missing because of football commitments. and not because he was ill or on some kind of bender.

That's assuming what gets posted on smfcfans forum is true. 

Anyway, there were enough moments where the ball could have bounced a different way, and things would have been better for us. That's football. Well, I suppose one can be more prosaic about these things because Oakleigh are still trailing us, thanks to their 0-0 draw at Dandy Thunder. Still, we wait for them to eventually catch up and surpass us, as Chris Taylor coached teams are designed to prosper in the second half of the season, while Esteban Quintas coached sides make hay during the first half of the season and hold on for dear life during the second.

Or so the mythology goes.

As for mythology, the myth of the Original Derby took another beating, with a small crowd, and not that much tension. Maybe the last-second drama reminded people that there's something more to this fixture. Just as likely, a last-second winner in any game gets people fired up. Blame the cold, blame live streams, blame Friday nights. But all the excuses in the world won't help make the argument that these teams and this league is not only a going or worthwhile concern, but also one that deserves to developed into part of a national second tier.

Or is that what we're all waiting for? It's seemed somewhat counter-intuitive to me to talk about loyalty, and hanging in there through thick and thin, all while people hedge their bets about whether it's worth bothering to turn up unless we're in a better league. After all, we supposed to support the club, and not the league it plays in, right? 

Simple truth is that everyone's older, both literally and demographically. The young guys who used to make up the terraces are now middle-aged, with more commitments, and less time. And the young guys who should/would have replaced them don't exist. We have been staring at demographic oblivion for twenty years, and seemingly every week now we ask ourselves how much worse it can get.

Well, at least my election work is over, so I'll have to think of another excuse for why the next post is late.

Next game

Tomorrow (Saturday) evening against St Albans at home.

Positive vibes

Driving up to the gate, I could overhear the gatekeeper to the car park telling club photographer Cindy Nitsos up ahead in the queue to write something positive about the Knights. 

Then it was my turn, and I got the same treatment, after flashing my media pass, which helped me get out of paying five dollars for the car park.

But also - five dollarydoos for parking! Three was fine, but five seems obscene. 

Anyway, positive things about the Knights. They produce a serviceable match program for this league. Their players seem much less thuggish than usual. I didn't notice any racist chants this time.

Final thought

Good to see the reappearance of an old friend last Friday. Sometimes winning and losing takes a back seat to more important things.

Long throws to the rescue again - South Melbourne 3 Bentleigh Greens 2

At least for the past few weeks I've been able to palm off waning motivation for writing this stuff each week onto the fact that I have actual work. Previously that was election work that was kind of varied and interesting, and now it's an extension of election work that is repetitive and monotonous as all fuck. I get up at 5:30 in the morning, get home around 4:30 in the afternoon, and somewhere in the middle of that I work seven and half hours, six days a week, shoving senate ballot papers through a scanner and a creaser, which sometimes work well. After that, there's home business, after which there isn't much time to do anything else. My goodness, it's almost like I'm a normal person. I miss being a career student, and its attendant life of leisure. 

Anyway, one thing which has remained constant is consensus that there is a diminishing interest in all things South Melbourne - not from me, mind, but from pretty much everyone else. This isn't new, and we have all moaned and despaired for a good 17 or 18 years or so now. Sure there's an argument to be made that's even worse now, with even former rusted-ons looking for reasons not to turn up. It doesn't help that the club does give them reasons not to attend - inconvenient match times and lack of beer outside the social club cited as two recent examples - but on the whole, it's not a new problem. People have been saying the same or similar for the past nearly 20 years, and those of us still consistently attending will keep saying until we are no longer there to say it ourselves. 

In short, we keep learning the lesson that being loyal is like being pregnant, in that you are until you aren't. Me, I blame streaming more than most other options as being responsible for league-wide declines in attendances, interest, and general banter. Soccer-forum's dead, Twitter is dead, and like our club, everyone at this level has put their effort into standby mode until the National Second Division happens. And yet South supporters still have an old fashioned web forum like it's 2002. It may not be going strong, but it's still going, which basically sums up everything

What's somewhat tragic about all of this is that our support is becoming more diminished even as the team is having its best run of results since 2017. That's not quite the same as saying that the team is plating great football - but it is winning a lot of matches, even if these wins are sometimes/often painful to endure. 

Cue the howls of derision from opposition fans who watch us as we despair over a team clear on top of the table. They have a point, it's true. Results wise, things are better for South then they have been for some time. And it's also true that South fans tend to have a reflex that nothing is ever good enough, even with the allowance that there is an abhorrence (from some, if not all South fans) at the methods we're using in getting these results, and the apparently huge amount of luck also being amassed along the way. But most opposition fans also don't watch our games in full, so they're no more likely to be reliable interpreters of South's 2022 season up until this point than South fans with all their own biases and hangups.

A case in point - how do you make sense of what happened last Saturday night? At times we were comprehensively outplayed. Once again it was revealed that we have a weakness against teams that keep it on the deck, like Bentleigh, Avondale, and Oakleigh do. 

It's not just the keeping it on the deck that causes us issues - it's also that these teams play keepings-off well, not turning it over cheaply. We rely too much on teams giving us the ball back in midfield, so that we can quickly release Mikkola or Webb on the counter attack. Teams who play short passing games to get around our insipid central midfield presence, will keep on having a field day. And if we do win the ball back in defense, we tend to just pass it around the back before launching it to Sawyer. We keep trying to use Schroen as a midfield distributor/link man/play breaker-upper, and it doesn't work because he's almost none of those things, except in very specific circumstances - which is pretty much him facing the goal we're going to, or where he can turn on to his left.

And yet, with the exception of Oakleigh, most of these teams have also managed to repeatedly also concede a barrage of goals against us. Our team has scored in every single match this season, which is astonishing considering how apparently awful we are. Perhaps much as we are deficient in all sorts of ways, we have managed to expose that many opponents are also deficient in one specific area, and that is in defending set pieces. Remarkably, the particular set piece that opposition sides are having difficulty defending against us is long throws. 

I'm not sure if Max Mikkola's throw-in technique is legal, even it's surely more legal than all those dinky little drop at the feet throw-ins that are obviously foul throws. I don't know if his technique - or any long throw-in specialist's for that matter - is teachable. At some point late in the game, a Bentleigh player attempted a long throw, which wasn't too bad for what may have been a first try. But then Ben Djiba chickened out from trying the same after Mikkola was subbed off, and all you could do was laugh. 

As nice as it was to win, even if two and a half of our three goals were a result of the long throws, much time was spent o the terraces trying to figure out why Bentleigh goalkeeper Pierce Clark and the Bentleigh defence were having so much trouble defending the long throw in. Was it the angle? Was it dip, was it the lack of pace on them, compared to a corner kick? At face value, it seems pretty straightforward - a ball is thrown in a straight line, at a relatively flat trajectory. And yet time after time, Bentleigh floundered. The third goal was the was epitome of this failure, because Clark ran more or less underneath Mikkola's long throw, wherein the ball landed on an unmarked Harry Sawyer's head.

At the other end of the ground, Javier Diaz Lopez was making save after save, all of which got turned into a well-meaning though ultimately depressing compilation video, which showed how lucky we were in the greater scheme of things at both ends of the ground. Every week I say it's not a sustainable way to a title. Most weeks it turns out I'm wrong. As long we keep winning, I'm OK with being wrong.

Next game

Tomorrow night at Somers Street against Melbourne Knights. 

Final thought

Time to get some insurance for Max Mikkola's arms.

It's not what it used to be - Heidelberg United 2 South Melbourne 1

If I was still the younger me, things would be very different. OK, maybe only slightly different. This post certainly would have come out on Sunday evening, or Monday morning at the latest. But in what has become a common and tired refrain, that was then, and this is now. Back in (insert glory days of this blog) I was a career student making the most of ample leisure time and low responsibility. Now I'm scratching around temporary work scanning senate ballot papers alongside a resentful work-wife, waking up at 5:00am like every other alienated prole. 

At least I made it to the actual match this time, after missing two games a in a row before this one. Mind you, getting to away grounds via public transport continues to be a hell of an adventure. This time there were some sort of indecipherable (to me) alternative transport shenanigans on whatever the relevant train line is that I use to get to Olympic Village. This resulted in me ditching the train network around Dennis station, and catching some bus up to Southern Road and walking up to the old turnstile entrance, which I was informed during the week would be open for this game.

Miracle of miracles, it was. And there wasn't even a line, just one bored turnstile attendant, and one bored security guard. Even with delays, I got to the ground early enough to watch a good chunk of the second half of the under 21s with the very scant number of South fans that were at the ground at this stage. At least the line for the souvs wasn't very long, though for $15 I'd want my lamb a little less overcooked. I'd like to say it was nice to be back at Olympic Village after its renovation, but so much of the improvement is for players, that spectator amenities seem to have come a very distant second in consideration.

OK, so the running track is gone, and people on the western side of the ground can now be closer to the action. Problem is though, that it's been turned into the classic flat outer where a crowd any more than one deep is stuffed - and that's without the non-transparent benches. The hill underneath the shed on the western side has also been carved out, so if you don't want to stand on the fenceline, or behind the goals, or in the eastern stand and burning your retinas out facing the setting sun for a good couple of hours, you're basically being exiled to remaining hilly areas on the western side, basically in the corners. 

And then it gets cold, and dewy as the night falls. And it gets dark as the sun sets and the not fit for match days lights aren't turned on. And unless you time it yourself or use the Futbol24 app, you can't keep time because the scoreboard isn't in operation yet.

All of which complemented a pretty ordinary atmosphere, which saw a pretty ordinary South performance in a pretty ordinary game overall. Credit to the Bergers for the win - they deserved it, but even they'd think twice about putting this match on DVD and flogging it off for $25. They certainly looked fitter and more organised than they did in one round 1, and for whatever reason we chose not to press them up the pitch as we did in the season opener. In fact we seemed to sit off their midfielders throughout most of the match. What's more, we reverted to 2021 tactics in attack, bypassing our own midfield in favour of bombing it to Sawyer.

And as happened in 2021, bombing it to Sawyer meant Saywer getting mauled by the opposition defence. Marcus Schroen came on and kept spinning around in circles in search of an angle amenable to his left foot. After allegedly kidnapping diverting him at the airport on the eve of the season Eusebio style, Jai Ingham has remained largely disappointing. Oh, it all started well enough as he scored that corker against Bentleigh to win the game, and then we assumed he was building up to full fitness. But full fitness seems not to have arrived. Neither has full interest on his part, otherwise he'd be worth more than an average of a singular moment per game where he will do something significant or fail to do something significant with the opportunity on offer.  

Funnily enough, we could have been 2-0 down and/or 3-0 up in the first half. I'm still not quite sure how we scored from our worst attempt on goal in the first half, taking the lead, but by the end there was no argument: we sucked. Some are taking that 98 minutes of suckage as proof of much more suckage to come, almost desiring it, coveting its apparently imminent arrival like they were waiting for the rapture. Oh no, Oakleigh's going to catch up to us. Oh no, Oakleigh has caught up to us, after beating Knights in a midweek game I don't think anyone bothered to note the significance of. Oh no, Oakleigh will surely beat Eastern Lions and take top spot off us. Or at least draw.

But I get the point, even if its custard is over-egged somewhat. We have a good squad, which too often plays horrible looking football. Anyway, getting home meant taking the bus from Northland back into the city, which apart from a delay in setting off, was rather painless. Considered taking the 903 Smartbus all the way back from Northland to Sunshine, which would have been a good hour and a half trip.

Next game

Tomorrow night at home against Bentleigh. It's a very crowded schedule tomorrow - pretty much the entire comp has scheduled matches for tomorrow afternoon, evening, or night, which is a bit old fashioned. Let's just call it Super Saturday.

You know, I learned something this week

Yes, it's five subs you're allowed, but apparently you have to make them within a maximum of three windows. Should just go for full interchange.

Fickle me

Has the senior women's season turned a corner of some sort? I put on the stream of their game against Bulleen on at halftime, saw them concede early in the second half to fall 3-1 behind, and then I went to bed. The next day I see that the game finished in a 3-3 draw.

Final thought

Has anyone seen Oakleigh Harismidis lately? Feels like I haven't seen him for years. Heidelberg Harismidis meanwhile is still kicking on.

Brute Force - South Melbourne 4 Avondale 3

Home responsibilities meant that I missed this game in the flesh. It was the first time I'd missed two games in a row since... I don't even know when. Not happy about that, but not much to do be done about it.

There was an almost satisfactory alternative in the form of the live stream service, but there is no substitute for actually being there. So while the few hundred that were at the game will have a story to tell for years to come (assuming there are indeed years to come), most of what I can do is relay what it was like watching this game from home.

In a nutshell, a lot like the other times I've had to watch a game by myself at home. Not unemotional, not detached, but also not quite attached. The stream running on delay behind social media means that I couldn't watch it alongside say, Twitter. Having to go out to pick up my brother at a certain point meant that I had to let Dave (who was messaging me on Facebook) to pause with the interactions, because it'd just mean spoilers. But at least there's a pause option now, which I suppose we should be glad of.

Of course, what was there to spoil in the first half? That was a fairly ghastly opening 15 minutes or so, for reasons which I don't think anyone's really looked at in the wash after the eventual comeback. It's not like we didn't create our own comparatively inferior chances during that time, or during the first half as a whole, but each Avondale goal was concerning because of its repetitive nature. Each time we were picked apart with ease. They kept the ball, moved it around, moved us around, and eventually worked their way into a situation where they had people lining up for easy shots.

It was devastating to watch. The only assumptions one could make about what was likely to follow on from that start, was that we would lose 7-0 or win 4-3. I'll let the gambling community opine on what would have been a more likely outcome at 3-0. 

It's not like there weren't signs that we couldn't score a goal. But every time the ball went up the other end, it almost looked inevitable that Avondale would score. It should put paid to the idea that we're some of awesome defending machine, because we're not. Our opponents have often been stupid when playing against us, or profligate, or both. Thanks to the heroics of our goalkeeper, Avondale didn't score any more goals, and we managed to brute force our way back into the game.

And while this brute force lacks the more violent aspects, the process reminds me somewhat of Gully's teams under Ian Dobson. No one ever said of those sides that they played pretty football, but they managed to bully and force their way into winning positions through solid fundamentals. Set pieces, physicality - in our case that physicality manifesting itself pace, rather than strength - and creating contested situations. 

Avondale were all about avoiding contests. Ball possession, teamwork, short passes. When it works, it's glorious. When it doesn't, how do they reliably win the ball back, except by virtue of poor passing from their opponents? Which, to be fair, we were excessively guilty of in the first half.

The aesthetic ugliness of our style even extended to our goals. Two deflections, a penalty, and a power free kick as opposed to a curling/precision based one. If that sounds like a lot of whinging for the sake it, it kinda is. I want my team to score goals but also play something a bit more aesthetically pleasing than this style. But all goals count the same, and as the momentum shifted, one could not help but be drawn in to the spectacle.

Being at home meant that the spectacle also had to be shared with the commentary team. I'm not one who likes to criticise mostly young guys (and occasionally gals) doing commentary for very low pay, but if there was anything which reinforced my wishing I was at the game, it was the standard of commentary. Lots of yelling and screaming, lots of cliches, and an unbearable number of references to Ange Postecoglou. 

Look, I get it. Like us, these guys have just witnessed a miraculous comeback, and they feel like they need to put their stamp on it. But it was like listening to two Simon Pijacas, and it was unbearable. It's made watching the highlights near impossible for me, to the extent that I wish the club would release a a highlights clips with ambient crowd noise from the go-pro and sideline cameras.

And another thing, which is not just a problem with this game. Please, whoever's in charge, if it's going to be two people hosting, make it so it's one match caller, and one special comments person per game, as nature intended. Having two people trying to fight to get on air to do commentary is not working. I don't expect it to be like the days of NPL radio, where Teo Pellizzeri's match commentary was interspersed with analysis and conversation. But I do expect it adhere to successful soccer commentary templates. 

Anyway, there's Harry Sawyer at one end, Javier Diaz Lopez at the other, holding together two ends of whatever is in the middle. On Friday they put a dent in Avondale's 2022 minor premiership ambitions, as well in the Avengers' (snarf) hopes of winning the 2021 Bespoke title. I tried my best (sort of) to keep with that, but it's over to you guys to keep proper tabs on what's been dubbed by Mark Boric as the Bespoke Choke.

Next game

Bergers away on Sunday afternoon. A chance for all the people who love Sunday afternoon soccer to show up in big numbers.

Final thought

Congrats to the senior women for picking up their first win of the league season last weel.

I'm voting for apathy - Dandenong City 0 South Melbourne 1

Sincere apologies for another short and late post. I'd blame work, but work actually pays for things, whereas following South only tends to cost me. Better to learn this later rather than never, perhaps.

I didn't venture out to Endeavour Hills for this match, and I was so much the better for making that decision. Hiking out to the middle of nowhere, standing in the pouring rain, eating another chevapi roll. It's been done.

Instead I decided to go and visit an old South supporting friend who hasn't been able to go to games as of late. Watching the live stream with someone else sure as hell beats watching it by yourself. And no problems getting a gin and tonic.

Nevertheless, even in good company, a stream is not as good as the real thing. That's especially true when the stream doesn't even work. And waiting to see when or even if the stream will start, isn't all that fun. Cue a photo of said "stream will resume shortly" making its way to social media, only for the commentary to focus on the shocking state of my friend's cable management, with people thinking that it was my room and my TV and my cables!

Also, I didn't realise how much people cared for cable tidiness.  

Sitting on my mate's couch, waiting for something to happen on the TV, and then seeing that on the phone app, the stream and the match had started, and the just waiting for the TV stream to catch up the minute or so it was behind some version of reality. 

We got there in the end, though as the match went through its ebb and flow, you couldn't always tell who was the ladder leading team, and the team that very much nearer the other end of the table. Post-game people bitched and moaned about this, and I suppose I can't really get too crestfallen about that, because I've done it, too. 

But last week I was just, do you even remember where we were not that long ago? Farcical, flukey, or otherwise, it's still just nice that we're in a good place ladder wise, even if people think were not that hood, or the competition's even worse, or that it'll all fall apart sooner or later. That could just be more contrarianism from me though.

Yet, really, so what if Dandy City stuffed up several chances, and that we had to rely on former South championship player Shaun Timmins putting the ball in the back of his own net, or if some of our players were arguing among themselves post-match. Take the last as evidence that they care, if not about South, than at least about playing the game, which is something to latch onto in these apathetic times.

Next game

A 2021-2022 six pointer against Avondalet at Lakeside on Friday. Maybe with a sea of green and white, the likes of which we have not seen since the Bohemians visited in 2014, but probably not. Not even sure I'll be able to make it. Hope that I can, of course.

Final thought

I'd make an observation about some conditional changes recently made to the operation of the no. 12 tram when the footy's on, but I'm the only South fan on that tram most times, so forget it.

Forgot to add a title - South Melbourne 3 Port Melbourne 0

All gripes about poor crowds and cruddy scheduling seem to miss a crucial point - and that point is that South Melbourne Hellas has reached its nursing home stage. Our best years are behind us, the food is sometimes iffy, but most importantly, our nearest and dearest only come to visit sporadically. A handful of times a year is probably too much. A celebration (read: grand final) or Christmas (read: opening game), sure, that might get the relatives to come around and visit. 

Most of the time though, there's a million and one excuses about why people don't come anymore, all of which are an attempt to avoid saying the bleeding obvious - you're old, and no-one likes you. The club's children and grandchildren are basically ingrates who occasionally visit out of a latent sense of filial piety, and it doesn't really matter if it's Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, there's almost always something better to do.

Now having said that, and without actually doing anything resembling a count, there were about 100 more people there than I would have expected, even if this game was played on a Sunday. They got to see another ridiculous match in this ridiculous run. Sure, last year's opening 12 or so games were ridiculous, too - remember how we were somehow on top of the table despite genuinely not being very good? - but this year is something else.

2022 has so far been the season where we have been pretty good for about 15-30 minutes each game, pretty ordinary for the rest of it, and where that has somehow managed to be enough to be well clear on top of the league. This includes gradually losing players to various injuries, which now includes the aging Brad Norton, the perennially injured Josh Wallen, the apparently hurt himself why trying to do a scissor at training Andy Brennan, and our favourite utility Perry Lambropoulos. Also Marcus Schroen was out.

You'd think we were ripe for the picking, but Port did it its best to throw this game away in the first ten minutes, and just about succeeded. Harry Sawyer hit the post, then Port tried to Nuna its way out of defence and that was 1-0. 2-0 was two minutes later, when someone from the back line hit the best long diagonal pass they will ever achieve, and Alun Webb ran through the middle of the too high Port defence to score. At some point Max Mikkola threw a huge bomb to Sawyer, who only had to nod the ball down into the back of the net.

The next 60 odd minutes were then pretty much what we've come to expect. South had the lead, and we did our best to invite the opposition to eat into that lead, to no avail. Port had ample opportunity to score, but could not. Sometimes it deadset looked like we were letting them walk through to Javier Diaz Lopez. More of the same included Mikkola not finishing a game, and Jai Ingham not playing a complete either, this time coming on as a sub again.

Still, top of the league, so enjoy it. I am. Even the burger was more than tolerable this week, though they could ease off the ridiculous amount of chips provided. Which might also mean that they wouldn't run out of chips so fast, but goodness knows how they run out of chips anyway. Also, running out of gas for the drinks, also not a good look. 

Party like it's 1969

The best bit about the game - apart from nonsense chants - was that if you weren't at the game, then you missed all the good action. You see, despite having their cameras and commentary in place, someone at Football Victoria or Cluch scheduled the stream for Sunday instead of Saturday, meaning that viewers at home did not see the majority of the game, and certainly not the best part which was the first ten minutes. It was a bit old fashioned, really - even at the ground, you actually had to pay attention, because there was no NPL TV replay function either. Should have handed out complementary flat caps at the entrance.

Other things

You may or may not have seen the Knights vs Oakleigh game abandoned after 20 odd minutes because of unplayable conditions. I went to the Knights FB page to see people lining up into the "they should have/should not have played" debate, and instead could see only tons of posts by irate gamblers, and people trying to sell tickets to the eventual replay.

These people have made reading Facebook NPL comments sections impossible. No amount of moderation and deletions and key word and phrase shadow-banning can keep ahead of this scourge. Why would any normal human being want to engage meaningfully on these pages looking for discussion or information when it's full of this crap?

So our club, and I suppose a few other clubs, are in that nursing home stage, and the only people making an effort to talk with us are grifters and conmen. Fantastic. As Knights president Pave Jusup said, we should get rid of Facebook and go back to forums. At least you knew that the idiots who populated bulletin boards cared about the local scene enough to tailor their vitriol and trolling to local tastes and customs. 

The other thing which happened. Following on from last week's brief discussion about commentators not being up to speed with the rules around certain states of play, I asked the question on Twitter about whether at NPL commentary induction (if there was such a thing), whether there was actually anything about correctly identifying the way rules are actually applied, as opposed to how people think they are or should be applied. I only got the one response, in a private message, basically saying  "what induction, lol" and that, no, there was no coverage about how to deal with that aspect of a match.

So, maybe something for the comms team at Football Victoria to consider. Or not.

Next game

Dandenong City away on Saturday afternoon/evening. I doubt that I will be there, but I will hopefully be catching up with the fixture via a working stream.

Final thought

You see, my wife, she has been most vocal on the subject of the second division."Where is the second division? When are you going to get the second division? Why aren't you getting the second division now?" And so on.

In case of emergency, break "set piece" glass - Altona Magic 0 South Melbourne 1

Used to be a time that South playing at Paisley Park meant an almost certain loss, no matter how well we played. Nowadays it's kinda the opposite, though of course one must take into account the relative merits of the Victorian Premier League era Altona Magic, and the one from the National Premier Leagues Victoria era.

Then again, there used to be a time that volunteers ran canteens at this level, and service was relatively speedy, even if the food options were rather basic. Nowadays either nobody wants to sit inside a hot canteen booth for several hours while others enjoy the game, or there's actually no one left to take up the role. So private operators step in, service tends to be slower, but if you're willing to wait (possibly forever) you can get 12 hour slow cooked brisket, or an overpriced chevapi roll. 

Another thing which has changed, or is at least something I've never seen before, is a coach passing notes to his players during the game. Not vocally relaying instructions to a player who then informs teammates further away from the coaching staff. Actual instructions written on actual paper and passed along from player to player. I would say that I've never seen anything quite so strange, except that the change it wrought seemed to be even stranger, in that the team that was already copping a bath on both wings and had no midfield, reset its formation into a doughnut scheme that was even worse than what had preceded it.

Not that whatever preceded it was going well, but I'm not sure that moving Patrick Langlois to right back was quite the masterstroke that the brains trust thought it was, because the doughnut remained, and Magic waltzed through non-existent resistance. Thank goodness their finishing was absolute rubbish, and that they failed to convert even one of the four very, very good opportunities presented to them in the first half.

But it wasn't just the doughnut shaped formation that was the problem. Our passing from the back line into said doughnut midfield was also dire. Even in situations where the players recognised - at least theoretically - that we were all over the shop and needed to reset was only useful in theory. To wit: stand Marcus Schroen, standing is as captain for the injured Brad Norton, exhorting his teammates late in the half to stay focused, keep a clean sheet with a minute to go in the first half and reset in the second, soon afterwards finding himself in possession in midfield, making a blind pass square across the field, which was easily intercepted.

He wasn't alone in producing this kind of garbage, but it was the most egregious example. The only way to overcome the problem was to long balls to Harrison Sawyer, who was once again employed in the largely thankless task of having to fight for and chase long balls, which were the only way we were reliably getting forward. Of course when it's one against three or four, there's only so much any player can do. Even worse when the selected line up had no one willing or able to win a ball in the midfield, so we ceded possession and territory on a terrifyingly frequent basis. Very good way to expose an inexperienced left-back as well.

Nevertheless, that we managed to go into the break not 4-0 down was a victory itself, even if it was hardly a moral one. Second half, Lirim Elmazi was introduced into the middle, and things changed. I was critical of Elmazi's game against Oakleigh, but here his mere presence changed things for the better. All of a sudden there was a ball-winning midfielder playing in midfield, and the mere sense of there being an anchor set things right. Then it became a case of waiting for our goal, though it took its sweet time getting there.

When it did arrive, it came via... you guessed it, another set piece. And not even the first really good set piece opportunity, which was a penalty saved by Chris Oldfield. 

But first, a necessary digression.

From my viewing angle, I'm not even sure it was a penalty. But that's beside the point. Oldfield was penalised for his foul with a yellow card, which then led to several South fans asking for a red because Oldfield was "the last man".

So I tried to set the record straight at the ground (with some success!) and I'm doing it here again. In the first part, there is no "last man" rule. The rule is about denying "a clear goal scoring opportunity". But more importantly, under rule changes designed to rule out "double jeopardy" punishments - where a penalty is awarded and a player sent off - Oldfield s "accidental" foul now only warrants a yellow card at most.

People at the ground were asking me when did this rule come in, and I said at least 2-3 years ago. Well, even I was way off, because it was actually back in 2016.

So what counts as a "deliberate" foul then? According to the rules, a deliberate foul is:

Those include holding, pulling or pushing, not playing the ball, serious foul play, violent conduct or deliberate handball in order to deny a goalscoring opportunity.

None of which Oldfield got near to achieving. So, when you hear more guff at a ground about "last man" and why someone isn't being sent off for a foul in the box, educate them! The worst thing that could happen is a punch in the face. 

Anyway

Saved penalty and follow up gone, 0-0 looked the most likely outcome. Until, well, you know the rest. Someone swung in a corner, Sawyer timed his run well, and we scored another set piece goal. For keeping tabs at home, this is the 2022 set piece goal tally so far:

• corner vs Heidelberg
• corner vs Bentleigh
• penalty vs Bentleigh
• long throw vs Knights
• corner vs St Albans
• penalty vs St Albans
• long throw vs Hume
• penalty vs Gully
• long throw vs Gully
• free kick into box vs Thunder
• corner vs Magic

11 goals from set pieces. We only scored 19 goals total in 18 league games last year.

How long we can keep that run up, I don't know. Should be fun finding out.

Next game

Port Melbourne at home on Saturday night. Women playing against the Bergers in the curtain raiser.

Living in the past is the best kind of living

You wanted it, and now you've got it. The boffins at Football Victoria's competitions department have managed to find a way to get the 2021 Bespoke Solution ladder up and running, and it is a thing of beauty. 

Well, almost.

Unlike Avondale's recent attempt to keep track of this nonsense, FV has included Port Melbourne's pointless 18 point penalty. Yet the Bespoke Table says South have three "2021" games left, when we should have four - I reckon FV has mistakenly counted our game away against Oakleigh as part of our tally, when only our home game against Oakleigh should count. Under this format South should still games against Avondale (Round 13 at home), Eastern Lions (Round 15 away), Oakleigh (Round 22 at home), and Dandenong City (Round 25 at home).

Hopefully someone sorts out the inconsistencies and mistakes by the end of the 2022 season.

Final thought

Credit to the Altona Magic physio, who spent more time upright on the field than most of Magic's players in the second half.

About time - Oakleigh Cannons 2 South Melbourne 1

Because our resident transport infrastructure reader likes to know

The trip from Sunshine to Huntingdale was quite good. Train into the city not too crowded, because the vast majority of the footy crowd would have taken earlier services than the one I was on. From the city, the Cranbourne/Pakenham lines have such frequent services you don't tend to worry about missing one train, because another will arrive soon after.

But the real bonus was my first time catching a new HCMT. Very spacious inside. Seats a bit stiff and a bit too upright, probably designed by eminent posturologists, so slouching isn't quite as easy. So many screens to look at with relevant information. Doors take a bit of getting used to. Overall, a pleasant experience. It's also easy to forget that Skyrail was even such a big deal.

Anyway...

In amid all those games where next to no one gives a stuff, here was one of those games where next to no one gives a stuff, with the addition of a few neutrals, and the host club wheeling out its entire junior program to buttress numbers. I'm not criticising Oakleigh for doing that by the way, because pretty much everyone pulls this stunt at some point during the season - and what better time than a non-Orthodox Easter Monday public holiday coinciding with school holidays to do it?

It did however accentuate the vibe that the game itself was somewhat of a sideshow. Oakleigh may as well have hired a ferris wheel, merry-go-round, and petting zoo to entertain the crowd, because there was that much distracted and idle chatter during the match that it may as well have been an exhibition game. Even Clarendon Corner, which was otherwise engaged with the match, was nevertheless reduced to the status of a rump state, not even able to scare away children and their parents from the far end of the grandstand.

Even the taunting of former players like Tyson Holmes and Matthew Foschini was more about pissing off the person in our midst who didn't want to give oxygen to the fact that there were former players of ours out there. Still, at least Oakleigh's updated logo means that Foschini no longer has to kiss a badge with a cartoon cannon shooting a soccer ball when he wants to be a smartarse towards us.

For those that did pay attention, I think the match was a bit of a fizzer. Undefeated (and more attacking than in recent memory) South coming to Jack Edwards to play an in-form Oakleigh set this up for something much better than what was actually served up. Which is not to say that it was a bad game, and not to say that it lacked action - but rather, that neither side put its best foot forward either in attack or defense. 

Just as importantly, there were no definitive answers about which team was actually the more likely to kick on from this game with an enhanced reputation. Both teams will probably make the finals, and they may well meet each other there, in which case we'll have a final answer about who was the better team out of the two; or at least the luckier.

And if you enjoyed the game and thought that it was actually rather good, that's fine too, but you're probably watching a lot more lower league stuff than I do these days.

Oakleigh had the better of the first half, and we had the better of the second. All three goals scored were in part due to soft defensive errors. Oakleigh opened the scoring when South's defenders seemed to dawdle at just the wrong time and place. South equalised when Marcus Schroen hit a shot from the edge of the box that went underneath the goalkeeper, like me trying to field in Super Mega Baseball 3. Then an unmarked Daniel Clark got hit by a rather ordinary corner at the near-post, which gave Oaks the 2-1 lead, and eventually the win.

I will say this though - there were things in the first half in the way that we played that I was concerned about. Oakleigh - by which I mean, Chris Taylor - like to play channel football, figuring out where the specific weak point is, and putting most energy into dismantling that. On Monday, especially in the first half, that weak spot was the Bermuda Triangle between right-back Ben Djiba, right-winger Andy Brennan, and defensive midfielder Lirim Elmazi. Elmazi in particular was struggling with whether to come or go, and it caused all sorts of problems on that side of the field.

But maybe I say this mostly because this was the predominant action that was right in front of me during that first half.

Second half was better from us, but how much of that was that due to Oakleigh deciding to sit back and take the chance that we wouldn't do anything of note? And yes, I get the irony of making it seem like it was possibly a smart tactical decision from the home side, when every time we've done it this year it just comes across as stupid. As it happened, we had enough of the ball, enough territory, and enough set pieces - which have been outlandishly good to us so far in 2021 - that only our inability to put in a decent ball for 90 minutes prevented us from creating meaningful chances to score.

Oddly enough however, I didn't find myself too disheartened with the loss. Bad crossing, wonky defending, and some questionable substitutions and team selections - what exactly are the circumstances where Jai Ingham is fit enough to start one week, and not the next? - only served to demonstrate to me that we're within the championship discussion. That's not the same thing as saying the competition is of a particularly high standard; only that I see us being more than competitive for the rest of the season, bar some streak of outrageous fortune.

I mean, it could happen, but those of you playing the "eight more points until we definitively avoid relegation in 2022" game, should probably enjoy it while you can.

Next game

Altona Magic at Paisley Park on Anzac Day. 

Look, women's matches! Two of them!

The new era of senior women's soccer continued last Saturday our in the 'burbs, with South taking on Alamein. I watched this on the stream, and I have to say that the best thing about the game was the commentator. Even if she was a bit new, and struggling a little with the names, she was also unafraid to be critical of elements of the game - namely how much time the ball spent out of play.

As for the match itself, it appears we are all going to have a be a little bit patient with the new regime. Anyone looking for the overloaded glory hunting teams of recent years will be disappointed. I don't know if we're actually going to go with our own youth, or just more young players from wherever we find them, bit clearly there's going to be an adjustment in expectations.

Among the players who have remained, some would have been fringe players in the past, carried by the stars. Now they've got to lead, and if the results and quality of play aren't where they need to be yet, that's just the way it is. Playing short, simple balls, instead of resorting to kick and chase will be a good start. Getting more than forward into position will be a nice addition. 

Which is not to say that we were completely outplayed by Alamein, and in the end, it was only the one goal that separated the two teams. But the home side had that extra bit of polish across the board, and you could hardly begrudge them their win.

Much better - though there was no stream to verify the totality of the effort - was the team's 5-1 cup win on Tuesday against a lower league Moreland Zebras side that apparently featured former South players Alex Cheal, Laura Spiranovic, Jess Au, and Lisa De Vanna. Maybe experienced players carrying a team isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

Final thought

The venue switch for this match means that our scheduled 2021/2022 six pointer against Oakleigh won't happen until later in the season. Not that anyone cares about this, of course.

Late Late Late Late Late - Dandenong Thunder 1 South Melbourne 1

At some point life becomes a treadmill of filling out forms and going through countless e-learning modules. I hate e-learning with a such a passion that it borders on the psychotic. What happened to learning the old fashioned way? Either sitting dazed and confused in a classroom, or on dazed and confused in a gurney in a hospital ward because you had the temerity to do something stupid, which nevertheless gave you real world experience? Anyway, enough about my Thursday evening. 

Pretty much everything keeps getting a little bit smaller, and I don't just mean the blog posts. Home crowds are smaller for almost everyone, and that goes for even the "good" crowds, of which this was one. Travelling support is smaller, and no-one complains too much, because who's left to complain? Expectations are smaller, which is hard to imagine considering how small we already thought they were. You watch the coach of the South Melbourne senior men's team have an argument with the head of Blue Thunder security, and instead of trying to be a sticky-beak, you just sort of shake your head and move on, because does it actually matter?

For the record, I think the argument was about access - perhaps too much of it - to the away team's changerooms, and on the other side of the equation, something about a lack of respect. We also learned that the coach's tendency to duck out at certain parts of a half during a match is probably to do with a sensitive bladder. At least that's what eye witnesses said of last week's brief absence from the technical area.

Anyway, this whole competition is hanging on to dear life while waiting for three things, only one of which may happen in the next three years, or ever. First, that all three of the remaining classic ex-NSL clubs (South, Knights, Bergers) in this competition might make the finals at the same time, thereby creating some sort of temporary "buzz" about the league. Second, the arrival some day of the National Second Division. Third, the eventual return of Preston, the one club which seems to have its shit together on and off field.

Which of the three above listed items is most likely to happen is really anyone's guess, and I'm not seeking to influence any answer. You may as well write it down on a piece of paper and send it to your local member of parliament in the reply paid envelope many of them will shoot your way over the next couple of weeks, hoping that you respond to their kind offer of a postal vote application that they'll sort out for you, so that they can mine your data or whatever it is they think they're achieving using this scheme.

How much more moribund this whole thing can get we'll just have to wait and see. On the train and bus trip over, which was thankfully both smooth and punctual at all interchanges, I tried to watch some of South's women's team play against Bayside, and I was shocked at how slow our play was. Also disappointed. I accidentally saw a clip of Adelaide City's women's team, and it was like a different sport. One should not be too harsh though, because things have changed there, and it will take time to adjust. 

Getting to the ground at what I later learned or figured out was just after half time in the under 21s, I take a seat in the stand, and watch the proceedings. Our youth team scores one just on my arrival, then there was a drinks break after sunset I assume for the benefit especially of any players participating in Ramadan, and then we piled on several more goals, because why not? Was any of it impressive? I suppose some of the finishing was OK, but the build up play - especially when looked at on replay - saw a team essentially dissecting an opponent by merely going through three defenders, rather than an opponent whose defensive mindset was that of defending as a unit.

Such is life, that somehow players who have come through the elite pathway system for several years now are so lacking in the basics of shape. Pity their opponents, too, who aren't having to work as hard for their goals as they should be, and thus likely not learning to apply higher grade adaptations of whatever it is that they've been taught.

I'm also concerned about two other things. First, the lack of action on Thunder's electronic scoreboard. I mean, it was on, and it had a bright white patch like the blinding high beams of a truck about to smash into you head-on, but the clock wasn't working, and I don't think the score was working either. Which I suppose should make us glad that it wasn't Earth Hour or something, and that they weren't wasting precious electricity by having it on at all. Unless of course, the scoreboard is powered by renewables, in which case, please continue to use the scoreboard as extra lighting if nothing else.

Which brings me to my second point. Our insistence on wearing our dark royal blue kit against teams wearing dark home kits. With the notable exception of Bentleigh because of the painted grass fiasco, and even though I hate the Carlton SC looking away get-up (though I have been educated and/or reminded as to the practical sensibilities of why the navy shorts have been chosen over white), I can't understand why for night games, at poorly lit grounds like this one, we don't just go for the predominantly white kit. If not for anyone else's benefit, than for mine, and my worse than Samuel Pepys eyesight.

The senior match comes, and there are changes to the lineup which may make sense. I don't know. Slightly sluggish start, but eventually get the better of things. Some players aren't so good at passing, while other seems less than fond of passing. Things look more promising on the left, but for no reward. These things happen, and by "these things", I also mean players blasting high over the from six yards out. Second half, and it's a bit messier. We score a goal from another set piece I forgot the number my preferred local media darling Josh Parish told me before the game (and after he changed out of his Preston polo), that our xG (is it or isn't it a fad? I don't know) was off at some extreme unsustainable point, and that was because (in part, large or small) of the ridiculous number of set piece goals we'd been scoring.

But it's not how, but how many, right? Unfortunately the how many turned out to be just one, which turned out wasn't enough to get us all three points, as our right hand side, which involved a particular unbalancing substitution which left our right-back frequently isolated against fast opponents, saw us concede an equaliser. Then we woke up and tried to score again, but it was all rather a bit too late. At least the draw took the weight off our shoulders of having to maintain a perfect run of league wins. Next up at some point, our undefeated run will have to come to an end as well. 

Next game

Oakleigh Cannons away at Jack Edwards Reserve on Monday evening. By now everyone should know that the fixture has been reversed away from Lakeside, because grand prix infrastructure will still be too obtrusive. 

More fixture changes

There's been an adjustment made to our Lakeside lease, but I don't
know what it is or what it means. It's probably not that important.

Some people were wondering about how the senior men could possibly be playing out of Lakeside on Saturday, considering that the senior men's fixture scheduled for the same day had been reversed. Well, the senior women's scheduled match against Alamein has also been reversed. 

But that's not all. The following week's senior men's match against Altona Magic has also had a fixture change, from the Saturday to Monday, aka Anzac Day. 

And there it is

South of the Border noted last week that there was talk about changes to the senior women's set-up, and so it has come to pass. Gabrielle Giuliano has indeed stepped down as head of the women's football department, replaced by Theo Cronis, a long-term sponsor of the club and (according to the club's blurb) someone who is passionate about women's football. How things will change in practice will be interesting to keep an eye on.

Final thought

I don't know what this is all about, but it might be something to keep an eye on.

Moving on - South Melbourne 5 Eastern Lions 0

Though long since mentally broken by this club, I was still surprisingly in no mood to watch this game. I even contemplated going to the footy instead, but seeing all my friends swayed me to Lakeside. Besides, South still needs it more than Collingwood ever will.

One of the handful of people who still reads this guff wanted it made clear that not everyone agrees with my take on the Avondale/Australia Cup calamity. Fair enough, his objection is noted. Another reader suggested that my report was written as if I'd actually been there. A mighty compliment, but I defer to the South forum, from which I pieced together several items into a seemingly coherent and tangible whole. 

Quite a few of the few who were there, seemed already to have moved on from the shambles of our cup exit. Maybe they are genuinely that open minded and forgiving of those things that they cannot control. Maybe they are even more screwed up than people like me who are going to hold on to this and several other grudges until the end of time.

But as much as "get over it" seemed to be the catch cry of the night, I could not get over it. You can't make me feel things that I don't want to feel, or some such assertive psychobabble. So I watched this match in a state of emotional distance, which is quite something for someone who gets animated while watching pre-season matches of little consequence.

I've joked over the past few Esteban Quintas led seasons that we try to win 0-0. Well, I might not have liked the style, and it might not have been very effective, but despite the aesthetic atrocity that was the lowest scoring South team since about 1986, I never thought that we were trying to lose games. This year seemed different, too, because we were doing well enough to keep picking up wins, often doing so by scoring multiple goals.

And then last Wednesday happened and... it's going to take time for me to trust the collective brains trust managing the senior men's wing again. I spent most of the time chatting with a fellow ex-academic about my exit from the academic world in early 2019, and to be honest, it was just nice to chat. I mean, I've told that story too many times, and it's three years and a still ongoing pandemic ago, but we were 3-0 up after half an hour or some such, and it just didn't seem to matter. 

The performance didn't validate the decision, by whoever was responsible, to effectively tank against Avondale. Maybe if we lost to Eastern Lions, or had only a narrow victory it might have been able to read something different into the week, but Lions were so, so poor. Not allowed the freedom of previous recent encounters to start attacks from well up the field, they didn't fire a shot. Their man getting sent off at 3-0 for no good reason would have summed things up perfectly, except for former South goalkeeper Keegan Coulter getting benched at 4-0 down and five minutes to play summing things up even more perfectlier. 

Meanwhile we could have probably scored twice as many as we did, but that would have perhaps been greedy. Post-match most people seemed to be in a good mood, especially those celebrating Thunder's upset win over Avondale which saw us go six points clear at the top. I'm sure I'll join everyone else in that good mood place eventually.

Record matching

Sawyer's four goal haul saw him become the tenth (known) senior men's South Melbourne Hellas player to score four goals in a league match. He joins the following players in achieving that feat:

• Ernie Ackerley, vs Melbourne Hungaria, VSL Round 8, 1966
• Tom Clarke, vs Box Hill, VSL Round 16, 1971
• Charlie Egan, vs Newcastle Rosebud United, NSL Round 17, 1984
• Kimon Taliadoros, vs West Adelaide, NSL Round 7, 1991-1992
• Ivan Kelic, vs Wollongong Wolves, NSL Round 16, 1995-1996
• Con Boutsianis, vs Northern Spirit, NSL Round 30, 2000-2001
• Michael Curcija, vs Kingz FC, NSL Round 11, 2003-2004
• Goran Zoric, vs Preston Lions, VPL Round 3, 2009
• Gianni De Nittis, vs Hume City, VPL Round 8, 2010

Now there's probably a good chance that one more South players achieved (or surpassed) this feat during the 1960 season, but good luck scrounging up the specifics on that.

Next game

Away to Dandenong Thunder on Saturday night. Please be aware that kickoff for the senior match has been pushed back from 7:00PM to 7:45PM, one assumes to better accommodate the Ramadan/iftar observances of many of Thunder's supporters and volunteers.

Fixture change

Our upcoming round 9 fixture has also had a change. We were supposed to host Oakleigh on Saturday April 16th, but the fixture has been reversed, and the game will be played at Jack Edwards Reserve on April 18th, Easter Monday. This is apparently because relevant grand prix infrastructure will not have been packed away quickly enough.

The NPLW match scheduled for April 16th, against Alamein - and which was meant to be the curtain raiser to the NPL match - at this stage still looks like it will proceed as scheduled. 

Women's team

Speaking of the senior women, I caught a chunk of the second half of their season opener against Bulleen on the screens in the social club, and it seemed like an improvement on whatever happened in the first half to see them 3-0 down at the break. Now it's always a bit of a wonky affair across the board while waiting for A-League Women players to have a rest from the close of that season before they jump into state league duties, but... what's this I hear about perhaps not so many W-League players coming back to Lakeside?

Some chat going around last Saturday that Gabrielle Giuliano, the board's driving force behind the club's women's component, will be scaling back her involvement with the club. Likely related to that, there was also vague mention made of a change in direction for the women's program, whatever that means.

Someone made a tweet - since deleted - making an interesting assertion about what that change in direction might mean. But that could have also been a huge fever dream on my part. 

Final thought

The club really has to sort out its multiple booze problems. No booze outside last week, and no one able to find the gin inside.

I can't even - Avondale 4 South Melbourne 1

Some games you know you've got to avoid the socials for a while after a game. This was one of those games.

I wasn't there, and I'm glad that I wasn't. What would be the point, to be disrespected in such a way? I feel awful for those of our fans who went out to Westmeadows expecting if not a win, then at least the best effort possible. Instead each one of those fans there was personally insulted by the decision by someone to tank in a cup game. 

Sitting on my couch, I saw the team list with its nine changes to the starting lineup - including two debutantes, one bloke playing his first game in over a year, and a smattering of youngsters - and I could not understand what was going on in people's minds. Several social media updates later, we're down 3-0, and it still made no sense.

I understand that this year, the league is more a priority than the cup. That's been made clear by the board. That's fine. But there's a time and a place. Six games into the new season, we are six wins from six, and clear on top of the table. We're not playing perfectly or up to our complete potential, but we're doing well. We have room to stumble in the league without it being disastrous, our squad seems to have good morale, and the expectations of our fans have changed from worrying about relegation, to thinking about finishing in the top two or three positions in the league.

Our opponent in the cup was a team that had beaten us eight times in a row, with us never even really getting close in any of those games. The upcoming league opponent was Eastern Lions, who have just one win from six matches, and even that win was due to grand theft football. Logic, common sense, the plain facts of the upcoming week as presented to anyone, would say that if you wanted to rest some senior players, and rotate some fringe players into the starting lineup, you'd do that in the league game against the side that's second last on the table.

Instead we made the decision to do it against the best team of the last two and a bit seasons, whom our fans believed that we could give a run for their money. This was a chance where even if we did not win the tie, we could at dent their confidence, reset the dynamic between the two clubs where we could prove that we could be competitive against a recent title contender.

Someone made the decision to essentially sabotage the season. We were feeling good about ourselves, we had turned a corner, there were even five slots in the Australia Cup for Victorian sides this instead of four, so you could even afford to screw up later and still have a chance of making it in. But someone decided to kneecap our chances of even that.

Now I hate the Australia Cup, don't get me wrong. I hate the way it distorts attention, money, and feelings of worthiness. But I still want to win as many games as possible, in every meaningful competition. I want our club, when it is playing in serious fixtures, to try and win them. Like, actually, genuinely try and win them. 

This whole thing makes no sense. Even board members at the ground nearly coming to blows with each other. How did we get to this point? It's enough to make you give up the ghost on this club, because clearly there are people involved with running the team who have pretty much given up themselves. It's easy to say that these people should not be allowed near the club ever again, but what force could make that happen?

I now dread Saturday, and I now also dread the rest of the season.

Cobbling together wins and blog posts - Green Gully 0 South Melbourne 2

Someone wants the perfunctory report straight up, while others want actual genuine detail about the game. 

So here's the perfunctory report: have you seen the five matches prior to this one? Well it was more of the same. Thirty minutes of good stuff by us, followed by sixty minutes of slop. Gully were alright once we let them into the game, certainly a notch or two above several opponents.

Not entirely unlike last year, we are hanging on to top spot and undefeated run, with increasing unease about when it will all come crashing down. To be sure, this year is looking better, which is to say, we are winning games instead of drawing and winning. In addition, our good bits this year look more convincing than our good bits at the equivalent stage of the season last year. But we are still stuck in the same ideological mire, in the sense that even while we have scored an impressive amount of goals, the astonishingly quick deterioration of our midfield once we retreat to protect a lead is really bloody worrying.

I suppose we should be glad, even as our fears last season were a bit of an overreaction, that in 2022 we are in no way shape or form relegation candidates. And yes, we didn't win a league game for about a three month stretch last year, but we probably had enough points on the board to go around again in NPL1. But still, the same problem remains, and in some cases you can only really tell how bad it is when standing behind the goals - for it's when you can conduct an extended discussion with the opposition goalkeeper, without any fear that it will be interrupted by an attacking move your team, that you know you're in a bit of strife.

Meanwhile, 110 metres or so away at the other end, you see a purple blur bouncing around making all sorts of audacious saves to keep your team's clean sheet intact. On those few occasions the ball did come to our end of the ground in the second half, we had to deal with the ignorant petulance of the Gully players, who apart from trying to intimidate the referee, also asserted that that assistant referee had no right to make any calls that the referee night have missed.

"Stick to your job" I believe was the line, which I did note to the Gully players was actually anachronistic. While assistant referees are not meant to replace the main referee when it comes to making the vast majority of decisions, they are to be encouraged these days in making calls when the central referee is blindsided, or when the central referee gives a subtle indication asking for confirmation of something he may have suspected to have happened.

But back to conversations with opposition goalkeepers. I must say those few of us behind the goal really let ourselves down on that front. We had done no preparation of material or talking points. We managed to figure out that Liam Driscoll was 22 years old, and thus ripe for some "banter" (ugh), but we hadn't done any homework. Which better clubs had he played at? What was his stance on Australia's dominant preferential voting system vs Hare-Clark? What is the meaning of life? Instead we had to resort to "let's see what's in the news" gags. Had he seen the Hume keeper's stuff up? Did he want some near undrinkable vodka mixed in with Powerade? Things of that nature. 

Being neither that kind of drinker, nor a 14 year old trying to make unpalatable alcohol taste just that bit less unpalatable by being mixed in with other garbage, I did not imbibe, but each to their own. Planning for this trip started all the way back when we found out we were playing this match in Ballarat instead of Green Gully Reserve, without ever knowing quite why it was being played 95kms (or thereabouts) west of Keilor. In the time since, I've narrowed it down to two possibilities of how it came to pass:

1. Green Gully genuinely wanted to take a major fixture of theirs on the road to regional Victoria, hosting it in an otherwise underused soccer specific stadium. If it went well, it might be the start of more such adventures to regional Victoria.
2. The Green Gully Reserve pitch was getting a necessary touch-up, and while Gully had requested that we swap our fixtures around - with us playing this match at Lakeside, and reversing the later fixture - South Melbourne, remembering Gully's refusal to accommodate us in a similar request in 2019, told them to stick it.

It could really have been either of those, but who knows for sure?

Anyway, fifteen years ago a long range trip like this would have attracted a good chunk more people for a train trip except... maybe it wouldn't have? I remember the 2014 trip out here, and I'm pretty sure it was just me and Gains on the train to and from Melbourne. OK, so that eight years ago, rather than fifteen and the days of Frankston train trips and Canberra bus trips, but maybe the occasion just wasn't big enough then or now. Maybe only interstate trips for FFA Cup games is what people care about, and can limit themselves to now that a good chunk of Clarendon Corner is in its mid-30s and having babies and responsibilities.

So there were four of us, thinking of taking the 12:!4 out of Southern Cross, and hitting a Ballarat pub for an hour or so before the game. Good luck with that. Rail replacement buses made one of our quartet miss the 12:14, which meant all of us sticking around for the train in a further hour's time, by spending that hour at the bar inside Southern Cross station. Also, there's a bar inside Southern Cross station, who knew?

So an hour later we're on the rails, admiring the scenery when it's visible. Some people who hadn't traveled west of Harvester Road in Sunshine since 2015 wanted to see what remained of Chaplin Reserve, not realising (where it was it actually located in relation to Sunshine station), and not understanding that thanks to the massive trench through which trains heading west from Sunshine now travel through, that you could not see anything of the (not very much left to see anyway) remains of the former home of George Cross.

Arriving in Ballarat around 2:45, my fellow travelers wanted to find a pub, even though it would have been cutting things a bit fine in terms of making it to kick off. As luck would have it, the pubs around the station seemed to be closed because of covid-related under-staffing, or because they weren't serving drinks until 3:00. Walking down to Sturt Street, because Google maps said we had to do that to catch a bus down to the ground, even though apparently (and logically) we could've caught a bus from the station, we waited for the number 25 bus that either came earlier, or was incredibly bloody late.

While waiting for the 25 we got asked by some kids about what we were chanting, and whether we were going to a soccer match. We ended hitching a ride on the 24, which unlike the 25 which dumps you on the front side of the Morshead Park precinct on Pleasant St, instead dumps you out the back on the western side, necessitating a walk around the back of the trotting club. Also, on the way there we saw another match day at Trekardo Park, doubtless full of persons oblivious to greatness that was soon to be on display down the road.

The reward for trudging through the back lots of Ballarat was a Gully match program, a six dollar burger turned into a five dollar burger because they didn't have any change, and a fence you could safely place a drink on without worry that it would fall over. Oh, and another win, marred only by having to watch us scrap and scrape in defense for an hour, and Josh Wallen getting what looked like a serious hamstring injury.

On the way back two of the blokes watched rugby league, I watched juryo day 14 of the haru basho. A good day all around.

Next game

Australia Cup against Avondale, at Broadmeadows Valley Park, on Wednesday night.

All information available at present indicates that this match will not be live streamed.

I'll be giving this game a miss for various reasons, but mostly because of competing commitments at home. 

Final thought

Thanks to Johnny for giving us a lift back to Ballarat station.